We get it, OP, you're better than those boring people
The 2nd option sounds worse than the first.
Why are you so boring? (to Tabris)
- Thread starter Tabris
- Start date
- Status
I have a somewhat related issue. None of my friends have children yet, but most of them have been in the same relationship for a long time (5-10 years, and it's the kind of situation where you were friends with both parties before they became a couple). I still have tons of fun with them whenever I get to see them (we go to university in at least 5-6 different countries, so that doesn't help), but it is blatantly obvious that they are all in a different place in life than me, and most of the time, they feel like old, married couples to me. Mind you, there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but none of them are married, and we're all in our early twenties, so it's still quite unnerving.
That said, people don't have to change because their life situation is different. If your friends are fun to be around, it shouldn't matter what you're talking about. Any topic is interesting and entertaining if you're talking to the right people, and the same goes for pretty much any activity.
That said, people don't have to change because their life situation is different. If your friends are fun to be around, it shouldn't matter what you're talking about. Any topic is interesting and entertaining if you're talking to the right people, and the same goes for pretty much any activity.
So I'm at the age where some of my old friends are married and having their first children (early 30s) and without fail, the same truth always emerges - they become boring.
So first, caveat, I am not the best person as it'll probably won't be until I'm 40 before I have my first kid as currently I tend to only date women in their early 20s. But this also gives me a better perspective having my foot in both ponds (early 30s and early 20s) and I've just noticed this more and more.
I could never ask my friends this. And I know the answer will be about your time being prioritized around your child as they are the most important person in your life blah blahI get that. I understand people not being able to go out as often if barely at all. I don't have an issue with that, I've had moments like that when I was doing part time school when I was younger and lately working on my startup.
The issue is that when they do get a chance to go out - they have nothing interesting to talk about anymore. We'll be at the bar and they'll just talk about either 1) the child and what's happening with them. 2) what they just watched on tv. Zzz.
It sounds so awful. I've told my friends, if I ever say "we're trying to have kids" to tell me this:
Op guess what I'm similar to you and yes ppl get into solid relationships and stay within themselves but even I'm not stupid enough to say the thing you just said . You know what when you do finally get around to having a kid come back and review your ignorance .
Edit : for the record I'm single and I party and drink a shit ton . However unlike you I don't think enjoying the company of a child especially your own child is boring ...
I read all of this and I have to wonder if you and the wife ever have time to experience new things together other than taking care of a child at home. Seems like it's either one or the other. That would be a problem for me.
People in general are boring. Period. Many barely have experiences in foreign countries, and if they do, it's just hanging around on the beach.
Then they become parents and they lose even more reasons to go out of their home.
There are parents who get it, they aren't shy to travel and see things even with a toddler in their arm, but they are few.
Then they become parents and they lose even more reasons to go out of their home.
There are parents who get it, they aren't shy to travel and see things even with a toddler in their arm, but they are few.
Holy Order Sol
Member
Just distance yourself from them without warning, it's not like it's a big deal that their priorities have shifted. You don't have to deal with them being boring, they don't have to deal with you trying to get them to do shit they have no interest in. Everyone wins, and since you didn't actually start shit it's not like you'd be burning bridges.
Shuggananas
Banned
Or maybe he just doesn't want to have kids
Kos Luftar
Member
OP, you sound narcissistic. You probably will only have fun with your friends if your talking about thing you find interesting.
shadowsdarknes
Member
Ha no not really.
The way these conversations go is that they tend to reminisce with you about their experiences in their younger years. The only problem is that they don't have anything new to add to the conversation.
Well said.
I'm not even sure I want to have kids expect I'm not stupid enough to be thick headed enough to not realize how much having a kid changes ppl out of necessity .(waking up at 4am constantly . Making sure he/she is safe etc)
And how much a kid means to parents .
Op not wanting kids is his perogative he's just completely clueless as far as what a child means to parents .
ITT clueless drive by posts.
OP is sad because he only finds value in getting wasted and partying. He also takes Barney Stinson (a fucking sitcom character) seriously.
.
I'm single and in my early twenties and I get what the rebuttal to the OP is about.
The_Darkest_Red
Member
lol
digitalrelic
Banned
Honestly,
Going out to a bar and getting trashed with a bunch of other drunk idiots sounds off-putting and boring to me. I did that every chance I could in my early and mid twenties. I'm over it.
Staying in, making a nice gourmet meal from scratch, listening to some music we actually like (rather than the shit played at bars), and maybe having a glass of wine with some good conversation with my wife sounds infinitely better.
The way you've depicted your life sounds boring and completely unfulfilling to me. I see tons of people on Facebook that I used to party with that are still doing the same shit in their 30's that they were doing with me 10 years ago. I don't feel envious of them in the slightest. I feel sorry for them. Different strokes for different folks.
Going out to a bar and getting trashed with a bunch of other drunk idiots sounds off-putting and boring to me. I did that every chance I could in my early and mid twenties. I'm over it.
Staying in, making a nice gourmet meal from scratch, listening to some music we actually like (rather than the shit played at bars), and maybe having a glass of wine with some good conversation with my wife sounds infinitely better.
The way you've depicted your life sounds boring and completely unfulfilling to me. I see tons of people on Facebook that I used to party with that are still doing the same shit in their 30's that they were doing with me 10 years ago. I don't feel envious of them in the slightest. I feel sorry for them. Different strokes for different folks.
ITT a bunch of single guys who think they're
touché ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ °)
Skellig Gra
Member
I faced a serious existential crisis when I got to the point where I had done pretty much everything I had ever wanted to do in my life. I've been to a million bars and top notch restaurants. I've traveled more than most people do in a lifetime. Where do I seek out new experiences? The final frontier for me was starting a family.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
My thoughts (not a parent) is that there is nothing wrong with it, IF, and only if your job/career makes you happy.
If you have a bad job / bad boss/ job that is killing you, and you have to do that for 8 hours every day, and then go home and be a family man?
fuck me. That's one way to the hospitaliano.
Your priorities are;
yourself, your family
your health (working out)
your hobbies
your friends
you can only do 3 of those things. if your working full time. maybe only 2 if your working two jobs or if you communte long to and from work. These things have a barring of your life.
When it comes down to it, everyone should have a sitter living with them. it would make so many parents life easier, but they are expensive.
If you have a bad job / bad boss/ job that is killing you, and you have to do that for 8 hours every day, and then go home and be a family man?
fuck me. That's one way to the hospitaliano.
Your priorities are;
yourself, your family
your health (working out)
your hobbies
your friends
you can only do 3 of those things. if your working full time. maybe only 2 if your working two jobs or if you communte long to and from work. These things have a barring of your life.
When it comes down to it, everyone should have a sitter living with them. it would make so many parents life easier, but they are expensive.
SliceSabre
Banned
I sure hope not his beer sucks.ITT a bunch of single guys who think they're
I totally agree. Most of my friends are in their 20's and I'm not always out partying with my good friends or doing crazy, spontaneous things. Sometimes we do "boring" things and still have lots of fun because we enjoy each others company. I would say if you find drinking/socializing boring when you have a child or get into a relationship you were probably never that into it to begin with so the decision to withdraw from that is very easy for you.
A lot of this depends on the person at the end of the day and some people are just more comfortable in home life than they are in any other environment.
Yeah, I don't think the child or partner is the reason so much as it is the conduit to be more like the person they really are. They probably never liked those things a whole lot to begin with and that's okay.
SliceSabre
Banned
Single people live in the real world. Being a father/mother doesn't suddenly make you more real, you just simply have more responsibilities.
eot
Banned
I'm good thanks
I didn't say anything about single people, only manbabies.
People that don't have kids still live in the real world. You (parents) just have more responsibilities that require them to be at home 90% of the time while we have more time to travel and experience new things. I rarely drink and I can comprehend the point that OP is trying to get across.
John Rabbit
Banned
guess what? somebody, somewhere, right now, thinks you're boring.
He is expecting parents to alter their freetime and conversations to better suit his desire to have fun. Sounds like a manbaby to me.
He'll be like yawn what's next.
Shuggananas
Banned
Yeah it's pretty hilarious reading all that "maturity" bullshit. Like having a kid makes you mature all of a sudden. Please. You can be mature and enjoy going to a bar too. Oh and you can go to a bar and not get wasted.
NervousXtian
Thought Emoji Movie was good. Take that as you will.
Let's be honest, the last thing a married guy with kids wants to do after working all day and taking care of his kids is sit at a bar and listen to you talking about fucking some 20yr old girl.
Besides, what the hell do you consider fun OP... because at a certain point you grow up and realize closing down the bars is an expensive waste of time.
Besides, what the hell do you consider fun OP... because at a certain point you grow up and realize closing down the bars is an expensive waste of time.
My main problem is that I know it's hard for parents to spare some time and do stuff and I'm happy to swing by to talk some shit and have a cup of tea but I don't want to feel like that sitcom characters that drops by by his own admission all the time so pls do invite =(
This is a fucking guy problem though, nowadays I feel like every male relationships I have is a news meeting.
This is a fucking guy problem though, nowadays I feel like every male relationships I have is a news meeting.
The friends that you're disappointed with right now will probably be the first ones to rally to your side 5-10 years from now when you find out that you're going to be a dad. They may seem boring to you right now, but when it really matters, they will be there for you.
But don't be surprised when your spontaneous, no kids lifestyle friends bail the fuck out on you when that happens.
But don't be surprised when your spontaneous, no kids lifestyle friends bail the fuck out on you when that happens.
Those parents are "boring" by choice. I still have plenty of friends who are parents who still hang out with thier friends and talk about interesting things. Some parents get sucked into the black hole of parenting and neglect to maintain thier individual identities and allow there former bonds to fall apart. Some parents stay active with thier personal interests and friends.
Neither choice is wrong as long as your children are being taken care of. It hurts but some parents don't value their former lives and friendships as much after becoming parents. Except in extreme situations folks make time for things that are important too them. It's that simple. If your friends don't value hanging out with you enough to to set aside the time cherish the good old days and move on.
Neither choice is wrong as long as your children are being taken care of. It hurts but some parents don't value their former lives and friendships as much after becoming parents. Except in extreme situations folks make time for things that are important too them. It's that simple. If your friends don't value hanging out with you enough to to set aside the time cherish the good old days and move on.
No one is saying otherwise. But when your idea of "being interesting" is "going to bars," your maturity is called into question.
The problem with siding with childless singles in this situation: parents know what it is like to not be parents, not be parents do not know what it is like to be parents. Only one side can speak from experience.
I rather have my Facebook feed filled with ugly babies than ugly adults
I wonder if I'll become boring too when i one day have kids. Who's to say I'm not boring already though?
SliceSabre
Banned
Those are the people that once their kids are gone or become teenagers they have no idea what to do with their lives and free time.
Shuggananas
Banned
Oh yes there's more to being interesting than that, of course. I go to bars with a lot of friends and some of them can be pretty boring.
eot
Banned
You don't get it, you haven't truly lived until your body is pumped so full of hormones you'll want to give up all your ambitions for someone else's.
Becoming a parent doesn't make you boring.
These people were always boring and suddenly the OP is just now realizing it.
All I have noticed is that I have zero time. But whenever I do get the chance to hang out with anyone with a brain we always have a great time.
Also weird that the parents the OP knows can only talk about television. Between work and kids I have zero time for television. The only thing I make time for is sports, but otherwise I have not really watched any tv show regularly for almost 4 years.
These people were always boring and suddenly the OP is just now realizing it.
All I have noticed is that I have zero time. But whenever I do get the chance to hang out with anyone with a brain we always have a great time.
Also weird that the parents the OP knows can only talk about television. Between work and kids I have zero time for television. The only thing I make time for is sports, but otherwise I have not really watched any tv show regularly for almost 4 years.
Glendemonium
Member
Meh,
I'm single and 35. I half expected my friends to start getting married and having kids in the late 20s at the earliest... nope. RIGHT after high school for many of them. In my 20s, I can relate to the OP, near everyone I knew already had a family by the age of 25.
Though it's bittersweet I'm finding more single people in my 30s with people getting divorced, and once the marriage is over some folks act like they want to take on the world again. Being a parent changes life in ways unexpected, cut them some slack because their world will revolve around the children.
I try my best to try to relate to parents and topics, and usually get along well. It's until they start making me feel guilty for not settling down the same time with them is when I cut them off and go on about my business. Par the course of being a workaholic I guess.
I'm single and 35. I half expected my friends to start getting married and having kids in the late 20s at the earliest... nope. RIGHT after high school for many of them. In my 20s, I can relate to the OP, near everyone I knew already had a family by the age of 25.
Though it's bittersweet I'm finding more single people in my 30s with people getting divorced, and once the marriage is over some folks act like they want to take on the world again. Being a parent changes life in ways unexpected, cut them some slack because their world will revolve around the children.
I try my best to try to relate to parents and topics, and usually get along well. It's until they start making me feel guilty for not settling down the same time with them is when I cut them off and go on about my business. Par the course of being a workaholic I guess.
- Status