Why are you so boring? (to Tabris)

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Crunched said:
No one is saying otherwise. But when your idea of "being interesting" is "going to bars," your maturity is called into question.

The problem with siding with childless singles in this situation: parents know what it is like to not be parents, not be parents do not know what it is like to be parents. Only one side can speak from experience.
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That's true, but it's not a rational argument is an emotional one. It's not like you gained some deep insight, it's just a biological process that makes you feel content with having a kid. People will tell you they found the meaning of life in a DMT trip too. It's not all that different.
 
Zodzilla said:
OP's friends have witnessed the apex of human life and meaning. OP chugs a beer in a bar and wonders aloud, "HEY, this is fucking awesome! Who wouldn't want to do this shit forever!"
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Your life can only have meaning if you pump out a child? Ok.

Sounds like you have low standards if something anyone who has hit puberty and can do accidentally is the height of the meaning of life to you.
 
OP sounds like a tool lol just saying.

Not to say that everyone need to fit their growth into any sort of timeframe but 30 and taking shots at the bar while you're drunk friends hit on girls is still interesting? I hit 25 this year and over the last couple years that has become dreadfully boring. Granted, I got into a relationship for the first time in 3 years this year so im sure that played a huge roll.

When I go out with my friends I go or with them so we can actually talk, catch up, laugh. Not just get stupidly drunk.

OP wants to be stifler so bad.
 
Hollywood Duo said:
Unless you are religious what else is the point of life other than continue the species? We are just sacs of flesh.
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Having fun ?
yeshrug.png
 
RulkezX said:
No they haven't.

A few maybe called him on not understanding how bars and clubs and 20yo's and shots stop being the centre of a parents universe or for not understanding why going wild isn't the #1 topic of conversation, but no one said "omg op why you in a bar "
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To be fair I kind of did. But a 30 year old person dating people in their early twenties and hanging in bars is unusual.

And yes, parents can be boring if all they do is talk about their kids with someone who doesn't have kids, I've done it in the past, guilty as charged. I try to be more aware of myself these days.
 
The idea of hanging around a bunch of drunk idiots I just met singing karaoke sounds kind of horrible. I'd be thinking of a way to get out of it. I'm not just saying that. Everyone's wired differently.

There's nothing objectively wrong with centering your life around getting boozed with strangers and "chasing tail" well into your 30s and on, nothing I can think of now, anyway, but it that's not everyone. I don't think children are boring. I love children. I'd rather hang out with my little nieces than sing karaoke with strangers any day of the week.

For me, the "end game" to achieve is stability and family and children. I think there's nothing more important than family and roots. Drunk people at a bar won't be around, those sort of relationships evaporate. They don't mean anything. I don't understand or particularly respect centering your life around things that lack meaning.

I'm in my early 30s, but I was kind of done with the idea of the bar thing being the be all end all almost a decade ago.

I remember seeing the older guy. There's often at least one. I didn't typically default to a high opinion of him.
 
B!TCH said:
A lot of judgemental little bitches on here. While I wouldn't quite put it how the OP did, I understand where he is coming from. My experience with people who have children (or even some people who get into a very serious relationship suddenly) is they tend to withdraw from their friends because they don't have time or money to be more involved with other people. This kills the friendship because they don't talk to you at all and you eventually become so withdrawn from their lives that there really isn't any reason to keep communicating.

I had this exact experience where I had a friend who had a child unexpectedly, I sent them congratulations and a gift for the child and to this day I haven't heard any reply from them. Not even a simple, thank you - I don't have children but I can't imagine they take up SO much of your time you can't even text someone back a two word response. Oh well, I can accept your child is your total priority now but at least you can't say I didn't try. "See you in another life" and move on is the best way to handle flaky friends whether they have children or not.
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You do realize the irony, right? Please tell me you do.
 
Sorry, OP, but if they're fine with how their life is, then what does it matter to you? If they're dissatisfied with how "boring" or "uneventful" their life is,then that's their thing and if they want they'll do something to change it. Worry about your own shit and not other people's.
 
I generally actually agree with sentiment of it being incredibly annoying when new parents only ever talk about their kids, but in this case, this post really sums it up:

choodi said:
Are you sure you're not the one who is boring OP? Did you ever consider that they find you just as boring seeing as you have nothing in common with them?

I'm sure your 30-something friends with kids find it hard to find anything in common with your 20-something girlfriend and your immature outlook on life.

Maybe they have all grown up and you are still desperately trying to hold on to a way of life that you are too old for.
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You can do whatever you want with your life, OP, but if you end up in your 40s and 50s still hoping your friends will be down to just go to Vegas spontaneously on a weekend, you're only in for even further disappointment. Unless you just continue to be the older dude hanging out with a bunch of 20 year olds.

Also, I don't particularly like kids or talking about them, but you've given no indication that you've ever given the slightest shit about any of your friends' kids. That calls into question how good a friend you are to them in the first place. If my good friends had kids and were thrilled, I'd be thrilled for them. It's one thing to be annoyed hearing about them all the time, but I don't get the sense you were ever even the slightest bit happy for them.

Seems pretty selfish to me.
 
I agree, also all my wifes friends are SO boring, they always talk about the same shit every single time and I literally have nothing to say about it (and therefore they think im the boring one). I dont really have friends in here which makes it so difficult to sociliaze.
 
And why does everyone keeping bringing up "why do you want to hang out with 20 year olds?"

You know there is a world of difference in maturity levels between someone's early 20s and late 20s, right?

Misterhbk said:
OP sounds like a tool lol just saying.

Not to say that everyone need to fit their growth into any sort of timeframe but 30 and taking shots at the bar while you're drunk friends hit on girls is still interesting? I hit 25 this year and over the last couple years that has become dreadfully boring. Granted, I got into a relationship for the first time in 3 years this year so im sure that played a huge roll.

When I go out with my friends I go or with them so we can actually talk, catch up, laugh. Not just get stupidly drunk.

OP wants to be stifler so bad.
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People walk different paths.

Not everyone has the time of their life in their 20s. Some of us, like myself, have to put up with a ton of shit during that time and afterwards actually want to enjoy ourselves.
 
Zodzilla said:
In order to even ponder the meaning of existence, you have to exist first. So, yeah, I guess I would consider giving birth to another living soul to pretty much be the apex of human living.
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There is no "apex of human living" as it is unique to the individual. You may think reproducing is the height of life while I may think creating art is. I'm not saying either is incorrect. I just find it irritating when a group of people proclaims one thing or the other to be what a human individual should strive for.
 
Captain Tuttle said:
To be fair I kind of did. But a 30 year old person dating people in their early twenties and hanging in bars is unusual.

And yes, parents can be boring if all they do is talk about their kids with someone who doesn't have kids, I've done it in the past, guilty as charged. I try to be more aware of myself these days.
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God, this is so true. I'm really glad that I'm not one of those parents. In fact, when I'm hanging around my friends who have children and those who don't, I usually don't talk about my daughter at all. If my friends ask how she's doing then I'll tell them, and perhaps have a funny story to tell. Other than that though, I consider it "grown up time" and the last thing I want to talk about is my lovely daughter.
 
Op comes offf a bit abrasive, but let's be honest, young parents being boring is about as controversial and fresh a statement as airline food being bad.

Hollywood Duo said:
Unless you are religious what else is the point of life other than continue the species? We are just sacs of flesh.
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If you're not religious the point of life is whatever you choose it to be.
 
SliceSabre said:
Those are the people that once their kids are gone or become teenagers they have no idea what to do with their lives and free time.
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Yup! I am in my late 30's and I have already begun to see this with pretty much all of my friends who started young and went this route.


One this I noticed from my childhood that I don't see alot of parents doing now a days is using thier freinds as support. Often times when my parents wanted to go on a date or hang out with thier friends they would use thier friends and family as sitters.

Why don't folks do this as much anymore?

Personally I think its because a lot of parents negelct thier friendships. I am single and have no kids. Even though I love kids I am less willing to babysit for friends that don't nuture our friendship than those that make visible efforts to engage with me. Maintaining a strong social circle (that also includes non-parents) is healthy for you and beneficial to your child as well. Skipping a Saturday family fun day every once in while to hang with the fellas is good for your soul and strengthen your bonds to people who will by extension have stronger love for you and your family.

We are social animals who play the Game of Thrones.
 
ArjanN said:
If you're not religious the point of life is whatever you choose it to be.
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Im looking at it from a strictly biological perspective. The most important thing any species does is procreate. If you want to get philosophical sure you can define any meaning you want but you being happy when you die is really meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
 
Napoleonthechimp said:
People walk different paths.

Not everyone has the time of their life in their 20s. Some of us, like myself, have to put up with a ton of shit during that time and afterwards actually want to enjoy ourselves.
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Totally agreed. My teen years were unlike most others, or at least unlike the people around me that I was in high school with. My life took a crazy turn and then sort of settled out a few years ago. So I fully understand that people walk different paths.

That said, who wants to be the "old guy" hanging out with a bunch of 21 year olds? And then shitting on your friends for not wanting to be that guy with you??

I'm in support of do whatever you want. Go for it. But don't get upset because people grow out of doing the same shit they probably did every weekend for up to a decade.
 
Hollywood Duo said:
Im looking at it from a strictly biological perspective. The most important thing any species does is procreate. If you want to get philosophical sure you can define any meaning you want but you being happy when you die is really meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
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People who lack meaning in their lives often think the ultimate meaning in life is to have children. They then hope their children are the ones who do something great with their lives... but ultimately their children pop out more offspring who will go on to lack meaning in their respective lives. It is one long cycle of mediocrity.
 
Tabris said:
I could never ask my friends this. And I know the answer will be about your time being prioritized around your child as they are the most important person in your life blah blah. I get that.

The issue is that when they do get a chance to go out - they have nothing interesting to talk about anymore. We'll be at the bar and they'll just talk about either 1) the child and what's happening with them. 2) what they just watched on tv. Zzz.
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You essentially answered your own question. They are 'boring' because they have different priorities/focus in life. You don't really have time for 'hobbies etc'
 
Napoleonthechimp said:
And why does everyone keeping bringing up "why do you want to hang out with 20 year olds?"

You know there is a world of difference in maturity levels between someone's early 20s and late 20s, right?
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OP mentioned that he dates girls in their early 20s which is why he won't have kids til his 40s.
 
I like boring people, they're good friends and are never too demanding. Fun friends aren't friends for life, but they're fun to have every once in a while.
 
Hollywood Duo said:
Im looking at it from a strictly biological perspective. The most important thing any species does is procreate. If you want to get philosophical sure you can define any meaning you want but you being happy when you die is really meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
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Who cares if it's meaningless, just enjoy life the way you please, the universe don't give a shit about you, or humanity or what becomes of the planet either
 
Being a new father myself, Kid is 2 months old and requires about 90% of my "me" time the other 10% is reserved for my marriage

That being said my wife and I made it a point to avoid all the stereotypes that come with being a new parent (essentially everything the OP is talking about) we try very hard to see our friends at least once a week and make sure to find out what is going on in their lives rather than gush about our kid. If they ask about him (Which, of course they do) we will talk about his accomplishments and milestones that he is reaching but try not to go overboard with it.

It's all about how you want to approach being a new parent and what that means to the rest of your social life I think.
 
Napoleonthechimp said:
People who lack meaning in their lives often think the ultimate meaning in life is to have children. They then hope their children are the ones who do something great with their lives... but ultimately their children pop out more offspring who will go on to lack meaning in their respective lives. It is one long cycle of mediocrity.
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Completely agree, you need to be able to teach your child something from your own experience. One of the reasons I travelled extensively before even considering children.

Shuggananas said:
Who cares if it's meaningless, just enjoy life the way you please, the universe don't give a shit about you, or humanity or what becomes of the planet either
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All your points are completely valid. I'm all for enjoying life to its fullest.
 
B!TCH said:
A lot of judgemental little bitches on here. While I wouldn't quite put it how the OP did, I understand where he is coming from. My experience with people who have children (or even some people who get into a very serious relationship suddenly) is they tend to withdraw from their friends because they don't have time or money to be more involved with other people. This kills the friendship because they don't talk to you at all and you eventually become so withdrawn from their lives that there really isn't any reason to keep communicating.

I had this exact experience where I had a friend who had a child unexpectedly, I sent them congratulations and a gift for the child and to this day I haven't heard any reply from them. Not even a simple, thank you - I don't have children but I can't imagine they take up SO much of your time you can't even text someone back a two word response. Oh well, I can accept your child is your total priority now but at least you can't say I didn't try. "See you in another life" and move on is the best way to handle flaky friends whether they have children or not.
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How close were the two of you to begin with? If one of my close friends did that I would probably cut them some slack and see if they needed my help in anyway or drop by with coffee and snacks.
Maybe they are just overwhelmed.
 
Not sure what having a kid or not having kid changes what there is to talk about. Anyone can keep up with current events. Minus going to parties I am not sure what having a kid limits you to. I have a 7 week old and I can talk your ear off about my volleyball league, fantasy football and the latest stories around the fire pit...sadly I won't have any stories about epic beer pong rallies.

I think the biggest thing is that my kid is the most important thing to me but not my friends. I save the kid stories for the grandparents and don't even mention him unless my friends bring him up.
 
This whole situation sounds a bit like Simon Pegg's character in the World's End.

.....except Simon Pegg's character is genuinely interesting, whereas OP sounds like he leads an incredibly vacuous life. If you think the pinnacle of fun is sitting in a bar getting pissed in Vegas then you really have lead a sheltered life.
 
FinalStageBoss said:
You'll never understand untill you have a kid.
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Well, i have a little girl and i love her like crazy but to be honest, OP is right. Most parents become fucking boring and have nothing interesting to do or talk about, they kinda lose their cool factor in a matter of weeks. They just don't want to party anymore, no fun, no nothing unless it's something related to their fucking kid.

I like to try to find time to enjoy a good night out, spend time with my good friends and party a little. It's all about moderation and good planning. I also try to avoid talking about my father life too much.
 
Cimarron said:
Personally I think its because a lot of parents negelct thier friendships. I am single and have no kids. Even though I love kids I am less willing to babysit for friends that don't nuture our friendship than those that make visible efforts to engage with me. Maintaining a strong social circle (that also includes non-parents) is healthy for you and beneficial to your child as well. Skipping a Saturday family fun day every once in while to hang with the fellas is good for your soul and strengthen your bonds to people who will by extension have stronger love for you and your family.
.
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I don't really speak to / see any of my old friends (the ones I grew up with, discovered drinking with etc etc) anymore. Just grew apart.

But we've got a great "new" set of friends, all with kids of similar ages.
Adults go for nights / meals out together when baby sitters can be sorted (although usually its the women going out together, then on a separate night the men going out together).
We go for days out together with the kids, even do camping weekends away together.

Just makes life and friendship that much easier.
 
Hollywood Duo said:
Im looking at it from a strictly biological perspective. The most important thing any species does is procreate. If you want to get philosophical sure you can define any meaning you want but you being happy when you die is really meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
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But why is biological meaning important to you? Helping propagate your species is also meaningless to you when you die. When you're dead, you're dead. Just enjoy life for what it is. For some, happiness is raising a family, or travelling and seeing the world, or going to Vegas and sing karaoke while being a self-absorbed narcissist who thinks the world should revolve around him, or all of the above.
 
Misterhbk said:
OP mentioned that he dates girls in their early 20s which is why he won't have kids til his 40s.
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When I was teenager I was bullied every single day for years. There was no dating, no romance, no figuring out how to be an adult. When I entered my 20s I was basically a child stranded in a world of adults and remained that way for the entire duration.

I'm now 29 and I might only now be at the point where many people in their early 20s are at. But for me to date my own age? I'd be out of my element and I know it wouldn't work out.

Sometimes people's circumstances in life mean they're not as well developed (socially, emotionally) as others. So saying to everyone at a specific age that they should get married and have children is, for me, extremely naive.
 
FonkyByNature said:
Well, i have a little girl and i love her like crazy but to be honest, OP is right. Most parents become fucking boring and have nothing interesting to do or talk about, they kinda lose their cool factor in a matter of weeks. They just don't want to party anymore, no fun, no nothing unless it's something related to their fucking kid.

I like to try to find time to enjoy a good night out, spend time with my good friends and party a little. It's all about moderation and good planning. I also try to avoid talking about my father life too much.
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Why do people keep talking about partying like that's what makes a person cool or interesting?
 
Cormano said:
I agree, also all my wifes friends are SO boring, they always talk about the same shit every single time and I literally have nothing to say about it (and therefore they think im the boring one). I dont really have friends in here which makes it so difficult to sociliaze.
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Maybe you just don't have things in common with you wife's friends.

Usually that's where boredom stems in relationships. There needs to be some common points of interest.
 
Llyranor said:
But why is biological meaning important to you? Helping propagate your species is also meaningless to you when you die. When you're dead, you're dead. Just enjoy life for what it is. For some, happiness is raising a family, or travelling and seeing the world, or going to Vegas and sing karaoke while being a self-absorbed narcissist who thinks the world should revolve around him, or all of the above.
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It isn't actually I was just defending the fact it's a valid argument as the most important thing a human can do.
 
Everyone ends up being a broken record, meeting new people and actually doing things (instead of small talk) is a must to spice up life.
 
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