Why are you so boring? (to Tabris)

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I really hate that so many people seem to see this whole kids vs no kids as two completely incompatible lifestyles, as some kind of team rivalry. All these stereotypes of "money, travel, party, sleeping in, no responsibility ever" vs "literally the only way to ever experience true authentic unconditional LOVE(tm) in your life" is absurd and annoying. It's like the worst fanboy war ever.

I guess this happens because people get defensive when it comes to what they perceive as the ideal way to life the perfect life. I think there's a million different ways to be happy, and it's a shame it often gets so judgemental.

My female friend has two kids already and I was fearing at first that that would be the end of our friendship, but turns out that I absolutely love chilling on the floor with her son and daughter, eating some cookies, going to the park. I think I see her even more regularly than before.

But I've never been a big going out guy anyway. And since I don't have my own kids, being with her and her kids is actually refreshing and fun.

I actually told her recently that I'm happy were still friends, because sometimes I suspect that he's afraid that this might be boring for me.

Our niece als got born and my fiance and I are very excited. We probably won't have kids on our own for various personal reasons, but I love having them in my life this way.


The One and Done™;186905363 said:
Having kids is a death knell for being interesting.
Click to expand...

I'm starting to hate them term "being interesting". "interesting" is something you are to other people and says nothing about your actual inner state. It seems like such a 20s thing to care about to me.

You can have an "interesting" life and be completely miserable, and you can live what seems like a boring and mundane life and be very content and happy.

Don't live a life trying to impress other people with your ego boosting stories, live the life that you like.
 
Tabris said:
You don't like pools surrounded by hot women (or men)?
You don't like relaxing in the sun against your face?
You don't like getting dressed up?
You don't like dancing?
You don't like cirque du soleil (especially the adult version) or going to some musical act?
You don't like going shopping?
You don't like thrill rides on top of a building?
You don't like talking with new people from other countries?
You don't like gambling?
You don't like getting amped and staying amped?

I know for sure I could ensure everyone here had a blast in Vegas.
Click to expand...

You don't like pools surrounded by hot women (or men)? I prefer my pools crowd free.
You don't like relaxing in the sun against your face? No, I get sunburned easily.
You don't like getting dressed up? Nope.
You don't like dancing? Nope.
You don't like cirque du soleil (especially the adult version) or going to some musical act? It might be interesting, but I'm not going to go out of my way to see it.
You don't like going shopping? Not really. I'd prefer to use Amazon (or GMarket).
You don't like thrill rides on top of a building? Nope, I don't like thrill rides.
You don't like talking with new people from other countries? Yes, but when I'm in the US I live in one of the most diverse cities in America.
You don't like gambling? I've never been, but gambling sounds absolutely horrendous.
You don't like getting amped and staying amped? Nope, I like to stay calm and chill.
 
euphemism said:
Well then we aren't talking about you. This isn't some absolute law as much as it is a trend I've seen among my newly parental friends. If this isn't you then just move along. Clearly, OP has had experiences of the opposite. It's a little insulting to have you imply that my friendships were empty the whole time, I just never knew it. We used to talk about Video games, memes, movies, comics, weed, beer, philosophy, ethics, transhumanism, lots of things. I'm not gonna list everything, but you get the idea, our conversations used to be a lot more broad and deep.



Lol, Alabama strip clubs are gross and I'm glad I stopped doing that. Almost all the girls there had children or their boyfriends sat around and watched which was weird.



I'm sure some of them are. It just seems like the scope of a parents concerns narrow after birth and they really don't have much else on their mind. And that's pretty boring



Ok
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....

I'm sorry.... what?

The kid and the BF?

WHAT.
 
Tabris said:
Regal us with your exciting life. Let me guess, there's some Friends episode I can watch to understand it more lol
Click to expand...

I spent my Vegas trip rubbing elbows with celebrites and partying in the penthouse suite of the excutive producer of America's number one tv show.

You spent it eating at a celebrity endorsed resturants and dancing to Sand Storm. You're boring.
 
Tabris said:
You don't like pools surrounded by hot women (or men)?
You don't like relaxing in the sun against your face?
You don't like getting dressed up?
You don't like dancing?
You don't like cirque du soleil (especially the adult version) or going to some musical act?
You don't like going shopping?
You don't like thrill rides on top of a building?
You don't like talking with new people from other countries?
You don't like gambling?
You don't like getting amped and staying amped?

I know for sure I could ensure everyone here had a blast in Vegas.
Click to expand...

I don't like any of those things. I didn't need to have a kid for you to assume I was boring, I was like this before my son was born. All of that sounds like a nightmare to me.
 
The One and Done™;186905363 said:
Having kids is a death knell for being interesting.
Click to expand...
To people without kids. People with kids find other people with kids fascinating. Creating a fully functional autonomous bipedal machine with processing power that puts super computers to shame is the most interesting thing a person is capable of. Watching it crap on your floor and accidentally teaching it to yell "shit, shit, shit" is just icing on the cake.
 
Tabris said:
You don't like pools surrounded by hot women (or men)?
You don't like relaxing in the sun against your face?
You don't like getting dressed up?
You don't like dancing?
You don't like cirque du soleil (especially the adult version) or going to some musical act?
You don't like going shopping?
You don't like thrill rides on top of a building?
You don't like talking with new people from other countries?
You don't like gambling?
You don't like getting amped and staying amped?

I know for sure I could ensure everyone here had a blast in Vegas.
Click to expand...
Half that shit sounds awful. The other half you could do almost anywhere.

The reason new parents are so boring is because their whole life has to revolve around one subject for an extended amount of time. It's part of responsibility.
 
Hanckybrainy said:
I'm sorry but no it's not. In order to preserve the human species from disappearing, there is no need that all the humans that are currently alive procreate. There is only the need that some of them do so. In the grand scheme of things, the number of humans alive on the planet doesn't need to grow indefinitely, it's not better or worse. There is just the need of enough humans currently living.

I'm someone who doesn't want to have kids. For multiple intricate complex reasons. And i'm fed up being told that my life is less valid, or less fullfilled, or I have less value than someone who procreates because that's the utimate goal of life and it is the only way to be complete (like it's the only way to platinum a life...).

I have friends who have kids. They got what they desire. They are happy. I'm happy for them. I like their kids, they're cool human beings and I'm interested in what they will become when growing up.

But, no, childless people can contribute equally to human society than others. I teach in a university, I think teaching useful skills to people is not an invalid way to contribute to the society. I have also other hobbies and activities and i've decided to fully invest my time in them. Sorry, but to say that i'm "less" a human than others because I don't have a kid, it's insulting. At least, i'm doing it by choice, but for the countless people who can't have kids, I think it's nauseating to think that way.

And please, spare me the argument like: "but if everyone were thinking like you and behaving like you, the human species will cease to exist, so my biologiccal argument is still a valid one!". No it's not, because it's an absurd hypothesis to begin with. In real life, this has a very low likelihood of happening. Never in the course of human history people will wake up and decide to not have kids anymore. So let the childless people remain childless people quietly and stop saying they will never achieve the ultimate goal of life.
Click to expand...
I never made any of those arguments. I have no interest in judging you for how you live your life and I'm not one of those people who lecture people on how poorly they are living their lives. If you read my follow up posts I said life is basically meaningless in the grand scheme of things so do whatever you want.
 
OP reminds me of Simon Pegg in the Words End.

rs_560x415-130508104524-1024.atworldsend.mh.050813.jpg
 
Op is giving childfree couples like me and my fiancee a bad name. Nope I don't want kids, hell I don't like being around them but i never get mad at someone else for spending time with there kids.
 
Great thread. I have a 20th HS reunion coming up and this is good mental preparation for dealing with those folks who can't actually hold a meaningful conversation about themselves and where they are in the world today and have to resort to a "greatest hits" style of discourse.

I imagine a conversation with Tabris would be akin to the old Chris Farley Remember that Time skit: "Remember that time we went to Nobu in Vegas, that was Awesome!" And otherwise there isn't much substantive to talk about, be it personal or professional.
 
Tabris said:
The funny thing about all of this is it's my new parent friends who invite me to a bar for a beer (in which they can only stay for a couple) when they aren't inviting me and girlfriend over for dinner parties or game nights. I'm not the one proposing the bar, since I think it's a bit pointless to only go out for a couple of beers.
Click to expand...

Ahh, so now it is becoming clearer. YOU are the boring one in the friendship.

They can't stand hanging out with you and clearly need alcohol just to make you even a little bit interesting.

I guess that's why you go for 20-something girls. Anyone your own age can see through your bullshit and finds you a vacuous, empty husk of a man.
 
Tabris is ok. He just needs to realize that there's more to life than drinking, poolsides, chattin' up the ladies.

I mean sure, that's what the 80s and 90s advertised to us as the pinnacle of life...

But that's very far from the only way to be engaged in this world.

If you can't appreciate the rest of it... then it's really you that is missing out on the rest of life's great pleasures.
 
I'm turning 27 in a couple of weeks and I feel the opposite. I feel like I've left behind a lot of my old friends who still base their whole personality around doing "cool" shit every weekend. I feel like an old man hanging around people like that, who don't seem to be happy unless they're constantly doing new things with new people.

I'm not even a parent, but being 21 forever is exhausting and I can't possibly imagine why anybody in their 30s would still be chasing that lifestyle. Having coffee with a friend and catching up on our common interests is not boring. Dry humping strangers in a bar is.
 
I love Tabris threads. He says the most ridiculous things. I'm still convinced it's just his online shtick because no one really tries this hard in real life but I love it anyway.

But then again, who doesn't love roller coasters and shopping while in Vegas!
 
commish said:
I love Tabris threads. He says the most ridiculous things. I'm still convinced it's just his online shtick because no one really tries this hard in real life but I love it anyway.

But then again, who doesn't love roller coasters and shopping while in Vegas!
Click to expand...

ooNfkJI.gif
 
Ideally, the stories should become more interesting when the kids are old enough to do more standard activities with their parents, plus the kids will start having adventures of their own to tell about.

Not much you can do when the kids are still in diapers.

Or you can wait until all the kids graduate and move away, and you move onto the next phase of socialization: Talking to each other about your old person aches and pains.
 
Ruddles72 said:
I totally get it that the video of your child doing something funny is something that you treasure, but why are you so insensitive that you think that I will find your child fascinating and want to see photos and videos of it.
Click to expand...
If you truly feel that people sharing the most important part of their lives is insensitive to the point of causing you distress, you should seek counseling.
 
ITT: The rest of GAF finds out what Vancouver-GAF knows about Tabris: that he is insufferable

like good god, that avatar is so goddamn fitting, I think he is Patrick Bateman
 
Kids are the fuckin best because you get to use them as an excuse for anything that sounds awful. Nah bruh can't go to 5c miller high life night.. got my kids...
 
Has anyone ever talked with OP at a GAF meetup? Because he better be a fucking scintillating font of erudition given his OP.
 
I'm a young fella, so I got no real insight in this; I'm here so I can say one thing: I am damn sad that you didn't make it to the Vancouver-GAF meetup, Tabris.
 
So am I the boring one or are my friends boring? They always refused to go out and do things when I was in my twenties, they complained that I changed and got boring when I got married and I ultimately cut them off because I want kids now and they suddenly wanna do all the things they refused to do before.
 
Hanckybrainy said:
I'm someone who doesn't want to have kids. For multiple intricate complex reasons. And i'm fed up being told that my life is less valid, or less fullfilled, or I have less value than someone who procreates because that's the utimate goal of life and it is the only way to be complete (like it's the only way to platinum a life...).
Click to expand...

Very reasonable. There are a lot of people who have trouble understanding that there's a difference between what they need to feel fulfilled and what is needed for anyone to feel fulfilled -- because there certainly are people who probably wouldn't feel satisfied in their lives without having a kid -- and project that onto others.

euphemism said:
Well then we aren't talking about you. This isn't some absolute law as much as it is a trend I've seen among my newly parental friends. If this isn't you then just move along. Clearly, OP has had experiences of the opposite. It's a little insulting to have you imply that my friendships were empty the whole time, I just never knew it.
Click to expand...

People tiptoe around this stuff in real life but if you're gonna weigh in on a thread like this you gotta be prepared for people to draw reasonable conclusions from what you describe about your lifestyle. If your friends absolutely can't shut up about their kids for two seconds and don't know how to have a conversation about anything else then it pretty strongly suggests that either those friends are too narcissistic, boring, or socially unaware to have a normal conversation (or, I guess, that you're doing something that's making them not want to have an interesting conversation with you.) Much like people who suddenly ditch all their friends after starting to date someone new, or who are too good for everyone they used to know once they start a good new job, the problem with parents who can't do anything but be annoying about their kids is with the people doing it, not the thing that happened to them.
 
Tabris said:
You don't like pools surrounded by hot women (or men)?

I do I also am content with a girl I really like

You don't like relaxing in the sun against your face?

Guess your family didn't go on vacations or let you take any

You don't like getting dressed up?
Some of my married settled friends dress way more classy/better than me

You don't like dancing?
My parents loved dancing and were always the first on the dance floor my mom. Was a professional classical dancer

You don't like cirque du soleil (especially the adult version) or going to some musical act?
Actually no growing up in a family with a mom who was a classical dancer for a profession I got burnt out on the "artsy" stuff early on but I'm down to do it once in a while

You don't like going shopping?
Huh . So ppl with kids don't shop . Lol the horror of power walking while my mom did her shopping has scarred me for life haha

You don't like thrill rides on top of a building?
You essentially know boring ppl not boring commited ppl with kids (post the year or so they are super swamped unless they are rich enough to get a nanny and /or have in laws with them to babysit kids)

You don't like talking with new people from other countries?
My friends are equally well travelled as me

You don't like gambling?
This is a financial question and to each his own

You don't like getting amped and staying amped?
I do but I also know if and when I do have a kid it's his/her life that needs to be amped with happyness . It's not only about me

I know for sure I could ensure everyone here had a blast in Vegas.
Having a blahs in Vegas is easy . Have a blast with few true friends without an sensory overload = you've found something cool. I mean unless you're a billionaire superstar op for whole sensory overload is sustainable every single day from financial and physical perspective
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Well I haven't kept track of this but guess there is some other issue going ok with Vancouver gaf haha op my opinion . You're completely close minded and sound like a stereotypical frat boy . Explore the world haha
 
Was the thread title changed?

Also the point of the thread isn't how exciting or not exciting I am. I don't need to be exciting for new parents to be boring.
 
CaviarMeths said:
I'm turning 27 in a couple of weeks and I feel the opposite. I feel like I've left behind a lot of my old friends who still base their whole personality around doing "cool" shit every weekend. I feel like an old man hanging around people like that, who don't seem to be happy unless they're constantly doing new things with new people.

I'm not even a parent, but being 21 forever is exhausting and I can't possibly imagine why anybody in their 30s would still be chasing that lifestyle. Having coffee with a friend and catching up on our common interests is not boring. Dry humping strangers in a bar is.
Click to expand...

Yep. Recently married with more than enough disposable income to do any of the things that Tabris listed many times in a weekend and I feel the same way in my late 20s.

Went to Vegas for my bachelor party a few months back and did a bunch of stuff on that list (including Wet Republic). Watching girls and guys falling down and spilling $40 drinks in a pool that is no longer clear, and watching guys fight at 2PM at Wet Republic isn't fun for us anymore other than the people watching. All we did was look around and go how does this exist.

All of my groomsman have money to burn and we ended up realizing that this stuff isn't fun anymore and none of us have kids. Going out and getting bombed every weekend and standing in a sweaty bar just isn't all that fun for us anymore. If we want to hang out together, its better to go to a quiet bar and chill together or go to someone's roof with some beer.

By the end of my bachelor party, we all looked at each other at like 2AM and decided that 36hrs was too much for us and we all just sat on the balcony drinking and looking out at Vegas.

I think that some people struggle to move out of their early 20s. Even if you don't have kids, by the time you hit your late 20s many people begin to realize that going out and doing the same thing every night gets fairly boring. While you think all of the stuff you are doing every night is wild and exciting, when you take a look back at all the times you go out, you realize that they aren't anything special.

Tabris, there is more to life than just going out and getting bombed. I have a feeling if you went and tried to meet them anywhere in the middle on things to do they will be the same people you remember from before. Why don't you propose some ideas that can be fun for both parties? One of the easiest ways you can realize that friends can be fun is to go to a wedding where they don't have their normal responsibilities. I guarantee you will see a different side of them.
 
thepotatoman said:
Ideally, the stories should become more interesting when the kids are old enough to do more standard activities with their parents, plus the kids will start having adventures of their own to tell about.
Click to expand...

One of the things I learned quite a while ago is how good it is when people who become parents know how to tell a good story. There's some people I know whose Facebook entries are mostly stories about their kids but who I make sure to check directly, even, because they're funny and they can turn the funny shit their kids do into an actually funny story. Even babies are weird little aliens and they basically all do odd, unexpected stuff sometimes that's amusing, but just like other parts of life you only hear about it if the person nearestby both knows how to observe events with an eye for interesting stories and how to tell those stories once they've observed them.
 
The worst compromise of being married with a family is cost of vacations.

I had a conversation with a married coworker with a family of five about holiday vacations, and specifically Australia. I'm explaining to him where to find affordable plane tickets online. He stops me to remind me about plane tickets for 5, plus lodging... cost is actually like 15k for a 10 day vacation.

Just another reason why I'm not having a family until I'm 40. Judge away society, my wife will be in her young 20s too, no fucks given over here. I'm staying willfully stuck in my vain ways.
 
I knew some married people and we had absolutely nothing in common. Talking about games was like talking about diapers. We had nothing in common. I don't talk shop about politics unless it's absolutely something crucial because I just don't get the humor at all. We had nothing in common, so I just sorta stopped responding. I felt like I was being held as a role in their lives and I have no desire to be that person.

I'm not married, I don't want to think about kids, or other things.

I work with some guys who are married and their answer to everything is about "time" or they're literally just talking around things.

I don't want to sound mean, but I'm not purchasing things for kids or thinking about their future. I don't have to. I don't have to plan for a visit or something. I don't need to be treated like an actor either.

I was in nursing school for a while and it felt like I was living a nightmare to some extent. I gained weight, I felt tired of myself, and I just didn't see myself satisfied at all, so I regretted and wanted to push onward with my life.

This may be what OP is saying. I want to do some things I always do, but I'm also not wanting to be so committed to things like some married people are. They're so busy and it feels somewhat awkward. I was already called awkward in nursing school and I felt like I was a parasite living in a host. I dislike that I'm dealing with some married people who live like retired people, but that's their choice. If they're happy then go right a head. Some people live out their young lives and now it's adulthood and just being structured. To me, I just want a good job, have enough money to do what I want, and meet someone who is just as carefree.

I wasn't made to be a graduate healthcare student and it feels like some people can conform to it. Some people enjoy what they do and I'm happy for them. I have already grown up in the sense that some people lecture other people. I don't need to keep listening to it now and follow a path I know I'll be unhappy about.

I don't like the whole strict --school, school--do what was fun because now you're at home with kids--kids--kids--kids. I don't want to think about being home with kids when I'm just finishing school. I haven't even met someone I like. I feel like I'd become a pastor parent in a way because I see other people doing it.
 
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