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[FINALFANTASYDOG]

Sorry for my internet angst here, most likely going to delete this post when I get better but:

At my current rate I`m going to be broke by Friday.

Don`t want to go into the addiction but have no responsibilities in life besides on Saturday for a few weeks.

Paying $75 an hour for the addiction makes me feel great otherwise I feel in great anxiety /pain.

Not strong enough to make it so I can`t withdraw money. How has anyone else handled a situation like this? Is sleeping pills to stop yourself and comotose state a solution?

 

[Aztechnology]

OP very few people are going to be able to offer any significant suggestions without knowing more. Just a forewarning.

Sleeping pills isn't a solution no. It's a stopgap measure.

 

[zerotol]

Not sure what you're on about. Post more details. Are you seeking Methadone?

 

[FINALFANTASYDOG]

Not sure what you're on about. Post more details. Are you seeking Methadone?

Not drugs, Emotional addiction dependence. Unless you have are an expert with deep understanding of JP kyaba culture and it`s addictive properties it`s going to be difficult to explain.

 

[Manmademan]

Not drugs, Emotional addiction dependence. Unless you have are an expert with deep understanding of JP kyaba culture and it`s addictive properties it`s going to be difficult to explain.

is it this?

After learning about Japanese culture, you will sooner or later come across the term "Kyabakura" [キャバクラ] which refers to a bar that employs ladies to sit next to you who will light your cigarettes (if you smoke) and pour drinks for you - and if you don't drink then you cant get in as that's one of the main ways these establishment make their dosh.

http://www.dannychoo.com/en/post/25990/Japan+Hostess.html

I assume you break this like you would an addiction to prostitutes or strippers. find some genuine human interaction you don't have to pay for.

 

[zerotol]

Not drugs, Emotional addiction dependence. Unless you have are an expert with deep understanding of JP kyaba culture and it`s addictive properties it`s going to be difficult to explain.

Ah sorry, misunderstood your post.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

Not drugs, Emotional addiction dependence. Unless you have are an expert with deep understanding of JP kyaba culture and it`s addictive properties it`s going to be difficult to explain.

From your first post I guessed it was prostitution. Wellthereitis.gif

 

[Jenenser]

I assume you break this like you would an addiction to prostitutes or strippers. find some genuine human interaction you don't have to pay for.

this. and think about visiting a therapist. might also be helpful.

 

[teruterubozu]

Damn dude. I had a friend who was addicted to kabakura and blew all his money. Killed his marriage too. I've definitely seen it happen.

 

[Aztechnology]

Damn dude. I had a friend who was addicted to kabakura and blew all his money. Killed his marriage too. I've definitely seen it happen.

Man it seems like such a predatory industry. How is this allowed?

 

[I'm an expert]

Not drugs, Emotional addiction dependence. Unless you have are an expert with deep understanding of JP kyaba culture and it`s addictive properties it`s going to be difficult to explain.

Hi, I am an expert on Japanese culture, am a corporate Japan employee with extensive kyaba experience, and my wife was a former #1 girl in a very famous area. I believe I have the qualifications to assess this situation.

My assessment: yolo

 

[Joyful]

sorry im not an expert on japan op

 

[dreamcastmaster]

Hi, I am an expert on Japanese culture, am a corporate Japan employee with extensive kyaba experience, and my wife was a former #1 girl in a very famous area. I believe I have the qualifications to assess this situation.

My assessment: yolo

That's not actually helpful when this OP is asking for help.

 

[PeakPointMatrix]

Hi, I am an expert on Japanese culture, am a corporate Japan employee with extensive kyaba experience, and my wife was a former #1 girl in a very famous area. I believe I have the qualifications to assess this situation.

My assessment: yolo

If the OP serious, this is really inconsiderate dude

 

[Pantaghana]

Hi, I am an expert on Japanese culture, am a corporate Japan employee with extensive kyaba experience, and my wife was a former #1 girl in a very famous area. I believe I have the qualifications to assess this situation.

My assessment: yolo

You aren't living up to your tag.

As for the OP: what exactly is so appealing about kyaba? Seems to me that you just need some "proper" (for the lack of a better term) human interaction.

And possibly some healthy masturbation.

 

[I'm an expert]

That's not actually helpful when this OP is asking for help.

If the OP serious, this is really inconsiderate dude

FFDog is well versed with Japan. He doesn't need me to explain anything to him, he knows. I am probably one of the few people on here who actually can talk to him about this one. very specific addiction (not that I had it, just that I have spent probably 1000+ hours in these dumb clubs). Therefore his addiction really comes down to mental/emotional issues that I don't think ANYONE on here is qualified enough to help him with, unless of course they're a doctor.

My advice is actually sincere. Enjoy it while it lasts, let reality smack you down, and then pick up the pieces. These places are set up that once the money stops flowing, they cut you off cold turkey lol. Unless he's gotten into the world of escorting the girls outside of the club. Then he's in for a ride.

 

[Pantaghana]

My advice is actually sincere. Enjoy it while it lasts, let reality smack you down, and then pick up the pieces.

Realizing there's a problem and seeking advice means the reality smackdown already happened.

Advice for picking up pieces is probably more important, also advice for preventing relapse.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

FFDog is well versed with Japan. He doesn't need me to explain anything to him, he knows. I am probably one of the few people on here who actually can talk to him about this one. very specific addiction (not that I had it, just that I have spent probably 1000+ hours in these dumb clubs). Therefore his addiction really comes down to mental/emotional issues that I don't think ANYONE on here is qualified enough to help him with, unless of course they're a doctor.

My advice is actually sincere. Enjoy it while it lasts, let reality smack you down, and then pick up the pieces. These places are set up that once the money stops flowing, they cut you off cold turkey lol. Unless he's gotten into the world of escorting the girls outside of the club. Then he's in for a ride.

Just so you know, you give shit advice.

 

[I'm an expert]

Realizing there's a problem and seeking advice means the reality smackdown already happened.

Advice for picking up pieces is probably more important, also advice for preventing relapse.

I've dealt with a lot of kyaba antics/drama/bullshit in my years through my own experiences and my wife's. The reason I don't give this addiction that serious of a thought is because 99% of these men (or women, there's a lot of addicts on the other side too) are harmless and eventually have this random epiphany and wake up. This isn't the type of addiction that always feeds you, doesn't deny you, always makes you feel better like liquor, drugs, gambling, video games, whatever. There is an eventual point where it basically turns on you and never gives you the joy/satisfaction you want from it again. I'm not a doctor either of course.

Just so you know, you give shit advice.

Alright man, I'll let you take over.

 

[Jenenser]

My advice is actually sincere. Enjoy it while it lasts, let reality smack you down, and then pick up the pieces. These places are set up that once the money stops flowing, they cut you off cold turkey lol. Unless he's gotten into the world of escorting the girls outside of the club. Then he's in for a ride.

even if you know the culture, you have no idea what addiction means,how it works or how to treat it.

your advice is selfdestructive and contraproductive.

 

[FINALFANTASYDOG]

My advice is actually sincere. Enjoy it while it lasts, let reality smack you down, and then pick up the pieces. These places are set up that once the money stops flowing, they cut you off cold turkey lol. Unless he's gotten into the world of escorting the girls outside of the club. Then he's in for a ride.

His advice isn't accurate- aka enjoy it till I"m broke doesn't work I"ve become broke one over this, and using $3000 in 3 days is not what to do . but his facts about the scene ring true. The people in the industry are blood thirsty for money and prey on emotionally weak people.

I've literally had a Truman show type experiences where a new girl they introduced to me at the club that seemed to be my perfect dream girl in every way(Same university, same interests etc etc) was just a girl they had set up based on all the other information they had received from other girls I talked to and she must have done some studying into those interests. She of course claimed to be new to the industry and

After many many many hours the lies started to unfold and it become clear she had been set up.

It seems like an insane amount of work and thing for them to do, but when you are a known customer that they can pull thousands of dollars from they will do it.

 

[captjohnboyd]

His advice isn't accurate- aka enjoy it till I"m broke doesn't work I"ve become broke one over this, and using $3000 in 3 days is not what to do . but his facts about the scene ring true. The people in the industry are blood thirsty for money and prey on emotionally weak people.

I've literally had a Truman show type experiences where a new girl they introduced to me at the club that seemed to be my perfect dream girl in every way(Same university, same interests etc etc) was just a girl they had set up based on all the other information they had received from other girls I talked to and she must have done some studying into those interests. She of course claimed to be new to the industry and

After many many many hours the lies started to unfold and it become clear she had been set up.

It seems like an insane amount of work and thing for them to do, but when you are a known customer that they can pull thousands of dollars from they will do it.

Seems to me some intensive therapy is the first step to recovery. It's obvious that you're not going to stop on your own but admitting you have a problem is the first step in any addiction. Going it alone is never the best course of action for an addict though, it usually takes several rock bottoms before someone with an addiction problem can wean themselves off of something alone and even then I wouldn't recommend it.

A shot in the dark here but perhaps if you went to an actual prostitute for just an hour or two ,versus hours in these bars, it would make it a little easier to step away from them? It's obviously not a solution but it would seem to me it would save you from blowing all your money until you can get some proper help. I don't really know the first thing about these places besides what I've seen on the internet though so I may not understand fully what it is you're looking to get out of them

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

So basically you're paying a club large amounts of money to have women talk to you? Nothing physical? Does it have to be Japanese women?

I've never heard of anything like this before outside of paying to snuggle someone.

 

[I'm an expert]

If you want, we can pm and share stories and see if that helps you. I'm sure you realized 99% of the people here, even if they know what a kyabajyo is, dont have experience with one or the insane subculture around them, so I understand why you didn't bother sharing that detail. My wife's friends from the NYC scene stay over often so they can chime in too if you want.

But I don't see how you're carrying on if you're broke. You're broke. Unless you're resorting to doing dumb shit for money. And you already know that none of the girls are 'real' in the sense that they all have fake names/backgrounds/stories/everything. Part of that is to protect them as well. This is why I said this wasn't a big a deal, you know what's going on, you know how to break the cycle. What have you been doing until now to support yourself?

 

[rezuth]

Just so you know, you give shit advice.

I have known and still know a lot of ex/current people addicted to various drugs. If you want out you have to hit rock bottom from what I'm told. Now I don't know if it can be applied to this situation but it's not as shit advice as you would be lead to believe. If you have options it's almost impossible to drop a strong addiction, especially when you feel "broken".

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Isn't the OP the guy addicted to expensive Japanese fashion, and finding a girl within that specific fashion scene? He won't listen to advice, I've tried many times.

 

[Greddleok]

Cold turkey solved my WoW addiction.

My father quit smoking using the same method. My mother quit smoking like that too (although started again in her 40s).

 

[captjohnboyd]

I have known and still know a lot of ex/current people addicted to various drugs. If you want out you have to hit rock bottom from what I'm told. Now I don't know if it can be applied to this situation but it's not as shit advice as you would be lead to believe. If you have options it's almost impossible to drop a strong addiction, especially when you feel "broken".

That doesn't mean he should just go all in and let it happen. The sooner he recognizes (like really recognizes not just posting for some help on neogaf) the sooner he can get in a state of mind where he can make the necessary changes to his life. Source; I'm a former addict

Edit: fashion scene? Hm. Shopping is a legit addiction I've known several people who got in real trouble getting cash for it but finding another person who's into it too? Sounds like he just wants someone to enable his problems which is not someone who's looking to get better at al

 

[Ivan Amiibo]

People tend to seek therapy for addictions because all normal people can tell you is "have some willpower" or "when you feel like [X], have a stick of gum." Not sure how good mental health care is in Japan, but I'm sure there's someone you can talk to. And if it's draining your bank account, it's a bonafide addiction and you need pretty urgent help that Gaf can't give you.

 

[rezuth]

That doesn't mean he should just go all in and let it happen. The sooner he recognizes (like really recognizes not just posting for some help on neogaf) the sooner he can get in a state of mind where he can make the necessary changes to his life. Source; I'm a former addict

I wouldn't know how to handle the situation at all. I'm merely saying that from what I've been told and seen its not "shit advice". I won't give any advise since I have no idea what to do.

Hope the best for OP, wouldn't wanna be in that situation. Stay strong

 

[aku:jiki]

I hope the addiction isn't bleeding on clothing, that might be unhealthy.

 

[FINALFANTASYDOG]

But I don't see how you're carrying on if you're broke. You're broke. Unless you're resorting to doing dumb shit for money. And you already know that none of the girls are 'real' in the sense that they all have fake names/backgrounds/stories/everything. Part of that is to protect them as well. This is why I said this wasn't a big a deal, you know what's going on, you know how to break the cycle. What have you been doing until now to support yourself?

This isn't a drug addiction that wrecks me physically and makes me un able to perform at a job, I still get a paycheck every month. There has been months that have seen me late on rent and eating tofu every day but yes the majority of my pay goes to these clubs...

Without getting into more details it"s sexy kyaba I'm addicted, aka the girls are a bit less experienced and it provides the emotional snuggling support you need.

It goes along with my other famous thread, trying for years to get a girl like this and then I can just plump down a day's salary and spend an hour and half with her acting like she is incredibly in love with me is addictive as hell and has ruined any attempts to actually improve myself to find a real girl.... spend that money on a fake reality instead....

 

[Lulubop]

I hope the addiction isn't bleeding on clothing, that might be unhealthy.

I mean you can just read through the thread.

 

[DizzyCaffeine]

I just need one thing cleared up: is this prostitution? What are you actually paying these women to do?

 

[Greddleok]

I just need one thing cleared up: is this prostitution? What are you actually paying these women to do?

Yeah OP, are you banging these girls or what? $3K is worth a bang imo.

 

[FINALFANTASYDOG]

I just need one thing cleared up: is this prostitution? What are you actually paying these women to do?

No, you can kiss and snuggle but talking is the main purpose. any attempts at sexual acts inside the premise would get you thrown out of the club

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

I just need one thing cleared up: is this prostitution? What are you actually paying these women to do?

Yeah OP, are you banging these girls or what? $3K is worth a bang imo.

He's paying for "The girlfriend experience" with no sex.

 

[Docpan]

Tinder up man. Its free, WTF???

 

[The Wall]

I PM'd you.

No, you can kiss and snuggle but talking is the main purpose. any attempts at sexual acts inside the premise would get you thrown out of the club

I entirely disagree on it not being prostitution. I think it's a more insidious form of prostitution. Much more.

 

[DizzyCaffeine]

No, you can kiss and snuggle but talking is the main purpose. any attempts at sexual acts inside the premise would get you thrown out of the club

Wow...but you can kiss? Like full on making out or peck on the cheek?

 

[entremet]

This may help:

Everything We Think We Know About Addiction Is Wrong

TDLR: Social isolation promotes addictive behavior. You have social needs you are not meeting, making it easier for you to depend on your dopamine drip of hostess bars.

 

[I'm an expert]

This isn't a drug addiction that wrecks me physically and makes me un able to perform at a job, I still get a paycheck every month. There has been months that have seen me late on rent and eating tofu every day but yes the majority of my pay goes to these clubs...

Without getting into more details it"s sexy kyaba I'm addicted, aka the girls are a bit less experienced and it provides the emotional snuggling support you need.

It goes along with my other famous thread, trying for years to get a girl like this and then I can just plump down a day's salary and spend an hour and half with her acting like she is incredibly in love with me is addictive as hell and has ruined any attempts to actually improve myself to find a real girl.... spend that money on a fake reality instead....

Yeah we get all that, you do too. My point was you will eventually not have the money or energy to continue getting rekt. The important thing is you dont do anything dumb from there. You know what TELL Japan is right?

I mean you can just read through the thread.

This is just an attempt at a witty burn using op's post history, but will it get dogpiled like I did? Noooooooooo.

 

[georly]

At the very least you've now gained experience in talking with girls, right? Some therapy and a better group of friends can help get you out of this. Easier said than done, of course, but if you know there's hope to get out that can potentially help you get out. You're not in a hopeless situation - you've learned a lot, gained a lot of experience, and admit you have a problem - now you just need to WANT to get better and get out. Hopefully you'll arrive at that point soon, if you haven't already.

Addiction is rough but it's up to you to want to get better.

Also, maybe look into borderline personality disorder. Often people with the disorder feel an extreme sense of loneliness which leads to seeking out addictive behavior - usually drugs or alcohol - but maybe in your case these club girls. There are outlets and therapy groups for these sorts of things - at least in the US. See what is offered. Read up on addiction and personality disorders - see if any of this fits you.

Sounds awful. That's like missing out on the only good part of being in a relationship.

If sex is the only good part of your relationships, you haven't really had good relationships

1. Absolutely 100% want to stop your addiction. As in, you need to be at the point where you are "fuck it, I'm done." You'll know exactly when this happens.

This is the most important part. After you're done with your addiction, however, it takes willpower and commitment to keep from going back at a moment of weakness down the line.

 

[Greddleok]

He's paying for "The girlfriend experience" with no sex.

Sounds awful. That's like missing out on the only good part of being in a relationship.

 

[Always-honest]

Best way is cold turkey. Depending on the addiction it can be very hard. But imo it's the best way. I'd even say the only way, but i'm sure many won't agree.

Edit: even in your case. Force yourself to do other stuff. Force yourself to have real human interaction. You'll grow into it.

 

[Aiii]

I've found the only way to cure addiction (I've been addicted to various thing short-term, but both cigarettes and fucking Nasal Spray of all things long-term) is to meet two criteria.

1. Absolutely 100% want to stop your addiction. As in, you need to be at the point where you are "fuck it, I'm done." You'll know exactly when this happens.
2. Stop cold turkey.

Cigarettes I quit mid-pack. I was wasting money, health, for no reason and I was just done. Tossed the pack and that was the end of that.

Nasal spray is a bitch, basically when you stop using it, your nose fills up and you can't breathe for two weeks, since that is the reason you start using it in the first place. In my case, I have very severe dust allergies in combination with severe hayfever, and as a result my nose is never clear. Ever. I literally have a stuffed nose 24/7 all year long. Unless I use over-the-counter xylometazoline nasal spray, which gives me a couple of hours of blissful breathing. Thing is, if you use that stuff for longer than a week you become used to it, and you require a bigger dose to clear your nose, and more, and more, until several years later you're using so much of it that it's actually as expensive as smoking a pack of cigs every other day

To be fair, these probably seem like mild addictions to most, but I've found that in both cases the only times I was able to effectively kick the addiction is when I was emotionally done with being addicted. Once you get to that point, it's easy to take the short-term withdrawal for what it is and stop the behavior you need to stop. If you're not 100% there emotionally either the withdrawal becomes too much and you go back in full force, or you manage to kick it and then go back the second something negative happens and you need that relief.

Anyways, as I said, mild addictions compared to most, so who am I to say what works and doesn't work, but that's how it was for me.

 

[Pantaghana]

He's paying for "The girlfriend experience" with no sex.

Marriage?

 

[ezrarh]

This reminded of a recent Radiolab story on addiction. They posit that the way we view addiction may be outdated - that addiction can be treated in the same way you treat depression, through medication. The examples in the story are mostly with substance abuse so I'm not sure how much it will help you OP but it's worth listening to.

 

[Jenenser]

Marriage?

nah, the clubs seem more affordebale.

 

[bobs...onGaf]

Edit: bottom of page - shame!

I would suggest finding other things to do - Japan/ Tokyo is full of a lot of other interesting things which may take time and money away from this addiction whilst also letting you live a more varied life whilst also meeting people outside of that fake environment