Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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So today at work, I was the only person cleaning theaters...besides this guy with cerebral palsy. Dude started out fine when he was hired, doing his best but for the past month or two he's been lazy and often times will just stand there watching you clean. But yeah, today I found myself cleaning theaters with a 100+ customers by myself every thirty minutes (deadpool is kind of popular guys). I was getting by, but when on my break I had to tell a coworker to not put his fucking hands in the popcorn trough, I started breaking. A manager tells me to seat a theater because of how crowded it is, but when it drops they're oblivous that I may need help cleaning it? Five years with this company, I constantly have to have my choices verified and explained to some manager because they have authority over me, the entry level stupid fucker. Besides more paychecks, I'm on the same level as a dude who got hired months ago and perpetuates massive healthcode violations.

I honestly would have quit midshift today if I wasn't so financially restrained.
 
There are times like now that i wish i could just jump in front of a train or something or at the very least cut out my own heart. i feel like i should go out to the liquor store and buy a 32 pack of whatever beer and drink until i dont know where i am. i wish i can become an alcoholic and just drink my sorrows away
 
I'm having a bit of a premature mid-life crisis. I'm 27 (28 in April) and I feel like I've hit a wall. I've accomplished absolutely nothing with my life, I have no friends, no family, no social life. I work, I play games, I sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. These last few days I've been questioning why exactly I'm here, like, what is my purpose for being alive? And I can't think of a single damn reason. I have no purpose. I am just a tiny dot, a speck of dirt ready to be wiped off the surface of the Earth. I could die tonight and no-one would notice. The scary part is that I'm fine with that. I'm fine with not being noticed, I'm fine with not being missed, and I'm fine with not being alive.
 
neojubei said:
There are times like now that i wish i could just jump in front of a train or something or at the very least cut out my own heart. i feel like i should go out to the liquor store and buy a 32 pack of whatever beer and drink until i dont know where i am. i wish i can become an alcoholic and just drink my sorrows away
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In times like these, you can maybe just break this habit and do something small that isn't necessarily part of your routine. Draw a picture, write in a journal, etc. If even you don't believe yourself, at least pretend like you're getting some satisfaction from changing it up.
 
Toasted Bread said:
I'm having a bit of a premature mid-life crisis. I'm 27 (28 in April) and I feel like I've hit a wall. I've accomplished absolutely nothing with my life, I have no friends, no family, no social life. I work, I play games, I sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. These last few days I've been questioning why exactly I'm here, like, what is my purpose for being alive? And I can't think of a single damn reason. I have no purpose. I am just a tiny dot, a speck of dirt ready to be wiped off the surface of the Earth. I could die tonight and no-one would notice. The scary part is that I'm fine with that. I'm fine with not being noticed, I'm fine with not being missed, and I'm fine with not being alive.
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i feel the same way. and according to this website, http://www.nanaya.co/report/, i'll never meet anyone, ever.

la flama blanca said:
In times like these, you can maybe just break this habit and do something small that isn't necessarily part of your routine. Draw a picture, write in a journal, etc. If even you don't believe yourself, at least pretend like you're getting some satisfaction from changing it up.
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i cannot draw. and writing just makes me hate myself more.
 
This may or may not be helpful with the "stuck in a rut" feelings, but my current idea to get out of feeling like that was to devote a small portion of each day to just making myself a better person. Like I said before, I know it sounds "easy from the person who is saying it", but I'm not that person. I've been institutionalized (suicide attempt). I've done the drugs and the therapy and been burned so much by both that I never want to try again. I set my goals extremely low and gradually ramp things like this up so as to not overwhelm myself.

I wasn't sure what to do at first, because I'm having extreme fatigue problems (endocrinologist appointment in April, it is being taken care of) where exercise is currently off the table. Then I remembered, I never tried Duolingo (totally free and you can do it with a browser or phone!) since getting my new device a year ago. So, slowly (set it to the lowest setting) and horribly learning French right now, and re-wiring the brain a little has been a good distraction and mood elevator. Laughing about quatre-vangt-dix-neuf is way better that getting sucked into another endless-self-hate-spiral.

Not to say I'm not still having the really bad days, but I can just do the bare minimum of 1 "Practice Weak Skills" review and skip online flashcards those days.

Just a suggestion, and living in the days of "there's a tutorial on YouTube" or "there's an app for that", there are infinite new things to try, or to learn.

As an aside, and just speaking from personal experience (your mileage may vary), getting in a relationship without having working mental illness coping strategies is a baaaaaad idea. It makes two people miserable instead of just one. Maybe this is the kind of mistake each person has to make for themself, though.
 
Kipp said:
I actually was focusing on calm breathing, and I was breathing calmly pretty much the whole time. It just didn't help though. Pretty much all of the anxiety was mental (with the one exception of mild sweating). I just felt entirely overwhelmed.
Thank you for the advice though. I do appreciate it.
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It's not always easy. If it's a full blown panic attack level of anxiety there is no easy "fix" beside taking a benzo basically, and those can be a very slippery dependency slope.
 
I keep feeling like garbage on and off. I feel okay, then it hits me in the late afternoon or night, but not every day. I don't know what it is and it's hard to describe.

I do deal with IBS, and it's triggered by anxiety, but this isn't exactly toilet-driven. I feel out of it, tired, lack energy and my stomach just feels off. I didn't eat anything tonight.

It does feel like the flu, but it's been hitting me off and on for a week and hasn't become anything substantial.
 
Toasted Bread said:
I'm having a bit of a premature mid-life crisis. I'm 27 (28 in April) and I feel like I've hit a wall. I've accomplished absolutely nothing with my life, I have no friends, no family, no social life. I work, I play games, I sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. These last few days I've been questioning why exactly I'm here, like, what is my purpose for being alive? And I can't think of a single damn reason. I have no purpose. I am just a tiny dot, a speck of dirt ready to be wiped off the surface of the Earth. I could die tonight and no-one would notice. The scary part is that I'm fine with that. I'm fine with not being noticed, I'm fine with not being missed, and I'm fine with not being alive.
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That's very rarely the case. Most deaths do personally impact on those that knew them, even if they did not know them intimately. I'd be more than okay with not being alive as well. But the sole reason I'm still alive is that there would be too much guilt weighing on me, knowing the impact it would have on those that hold any value in me. A small number granted, but still, it'd affect a lot more than just myself. It's a decision that once made, can never be taken back.
 
OCDChewie said:
I keep feeling like garbage on and off. I feel okay, then it hits me in the late afternoon or night, but not every day. I don't know what it is and it's hard to describe.

I do deal with IBS, and it's triggered by anxiety, but this isn't exactly toilet-driven. I feel out of it, tired, lack energy and my stomach just feels off. I didn't eat anything tonight.

It does feel like the flu, but it's been hitting me off and on for a week and hasn't become anything substantial.
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Are you on anything for the IBS? Do you have a gastroenterologist or a PCP who can get you on stuff like Dicyclomine (spasms), Linzess or Amitiza (everything else)? My QoL has massively gone up since I've been on them. I seem to recall you're waiting for insurance coverage benefits? In the meantime, making plain (no sweetener or caffeine) ginger tea (nausea) or peppermint tea (spasms) can help, in addition to pumping up your fiber intake gradually through diet. Good peppermint tea is dirt cheap, too. Throw some honey in if you're not getting any calories at all, it is a humectant and helps with IBD symptoms for some people.

My IBS is incredibly tied to my depression/anxiety to the point where one thing going wrong with any of the three can lead to some very dark days. I had some never-ending-spasms and a ton of bedridden days after getting hit by some kind of indeterminate stomach bug last May, either viral or bacterial (it was already dead by the time I got tested), and it was really similar feeling and acting to what you're describing. The thing about spasms is you may not know that is what's wrong, because they feel... weird. (And then you start having a panic attack because you're dying. And then you get depressed because you're broken...)

I'd also highly suggest keeping a food diary. Just jot a quick note what you eat/drink, when you eat/drink, and also write down when you start having IBS related problems. Can help narrow things down, and if there is no correlation, then that will still help your doctor incredibly as soon as you can see one, as they can rule a bunch of stuff out right away.

This stuff sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through it.
 
Teriyaki Blues said:
Are you on anything for the IBS? Do you have a gastroenterologist or a PCP who can get you on stuff like Dicyclomine (spasms), Linzess or Amitiza (everything else)? My QoL has massively gone up since I've been on them. I seem to recall you're waiting for insurance coverage benefits? In the meantime, making plain (no sweetener or caffeine) ginger tea (nausea) or peppermint tea (spasms) can help, in addition to pumping up your fiber intake gradually through diet. Good peppermint tea is dirt cheap, too. Throw some honey in if you're not getting any calories at all, it is a humectant and helps with IBD symptoms for some people.

My IBS is incredibly tied to my depression/anxiety to the point where one thing going wrong with any of the three can lead to some very dark days. I had some never-ending-spasms and a ton of bedridden days after getting hit by some kind of indeterminate stomach bug last May, either viral or bacterial (it was already dead by the time I got tested), and it was really similar feeling and acting to what you're describing. The thing about spasms is you may not know that is what's wrong, because they feel... weird. (And then you start having a panic attack because you're dying. And then you get depressed because you're broken...)

I'd also highly suggest keeping a food diary. Just jot a quick note what you eat/drink, when you eat/drink, and also write down when you start having IBS related problems. Can help narrow things down, and if there is no correlation, then that will still help your doctor incredibly as soon as you can see one, as they can rule a bunch of stuff out right away.

This stuff sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through it.
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Thanks for the lengthy and thoughtful reply. Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time with it as well.

To be honest, I've had these issues since about grade 5, when we would get milkshakes for hot lunch. I'd come home and have an upset stomach, so we just assumed it was lactose intolerance. However, I can eat cereal and drink milk -- plus have had milkshakes since -- without issue. It's very random.

I eat pretty good meals because they're cooked for me. Lots of salad, vegetables and meats. But for snacks I eat cereal, and I do have a sweet tooth. I also drink far too much pop. But just getting up too early after little sleep, or drinking a couple of bottles of water can give me the same pains and issues. It's random.

I'm not on anything, but I am supposed to go have another colonoscopy done anytime. I haven't spoken to that doctor in a while, and was supposed to call within three years which it's surely been. When he did a colonoscopy, he found a lining in my stomach that shouldn't be there. Apparently it's usually only seen in elderly people, and is attributable to stomach cancer at those ages. He said not to worry, and tested me to make sure the bacteria that causes it wasn't still there, which it wasn't.

Some days I eat a lot, others I don't eat much. I've also been really stressed out as of late over a moral dilemma I've spoken to Piano about. It's eating me up inside, as is the fear I live with daily because a family member has fluctuating health and a history of cancer. Life hasn't been incredibly fair to me in quite a few respects, as my family has to deal with a lot and I've had to give up years that are supposed to be a lot of fun.

I do what I can to help, because that's most important.
 
I think I should solidify what days I have off from my full time job so I can get a part time job on those other two days a week. I'm literally a sloth, no amount of coffee helps me, it's only alcohol that seems to perk me up on my days off.
 
I hear of people who get depressed unless they keep moving, but I have a hard time being that way. I wish I was the opposite of what I am, though, because it would be nice to be working and successful, especially after all of the effort I put into in school (throughout) and college.
 
And now I'm struggling over finding the will to do anything when I know everyone I do is out of my control because I don't have free will.
Everything about me is out if my control.
 
You guys are right, who would want to be with a mentally broken person like myself. Therapy doesn't help, drugs dont help. Most of my co-workers, family, friends are either married of have someone and im always alone. I am definitely not getting any younger. People say to wait i wait, people say put myself out there i get rejected. I am the antithesis of what anyone would consider attractive.

Whenever i write in my journal i write about how i want to go away. It would be a nice warm day near the charles river. i would take a day off from work and sit on a bench and watch people with better lives walk or jog past me. no one stops to ask me if i am ok. im not suppose to be in this world. i sit there until night fall, daydreaming about how i would meet someone and our life together, but that's just a dream. I'll wait until no one is around and slip over the bridge quietly, like a secret. i think i will be relieved that when i pass, i dont have to live in a world i do not belong to.
 
Spent almost an hour with a employee assistance program. They're gonna call back tomorrow, spoke to my roommate about possible positions to fill my days off.

Watched this live recording of this band called Sorority Noise's Using. At the beginning the frontman talks about how he he has manic depression and he hates how sadness has been romanticized and the people who actually suffer from having trouble getting up in the morning have been getting shit from this.

I remember my ex roommate defending me as our friend who suffered from drug addictions and a couple suicide attempts said I wasn't depressed.

The fear that I'm using one of these bad days to undeservingly ingratiate with the afflicted is quite strong.
 
neojubei said:
You guys are right, who would want to be with a mentally broken person like myself. Therapy doesn't help, drugs dont help. Most of my co-workers, family, friends are either married of have someone and im always alone. I am definitely not getting any younger. People say to wait i wait, people say put myself out there i get rejected. I am the antithesis of what anyone would consider attractive.

Whenever i write in my journal i write about how i want to go away. It would be a nice warm day near the charles river. i would take a day off from work and sit on a bench and watch people with better lives walk or jog past me. no one stops to ask me if i am ok. im not suppose to be in this world. i sit there until night fall, daydreaming about how i would meet someone and our life together, but that's just a dream. I'll wait until no one is around and slip over the bridge quietly, like a secret. i think i will be relieved that when i pass, i dont have to live in a world i do not belong to.
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I mean, you can't complain about these things when it's obvious you're actively keeping yourself from the happiness in which you wish you could attain. You are perfectly able to live and be happy with your life. Give yourself an actual chance and put up a fight, thats how you see results. All easier said than done, but if you're going to struggle at least make it a positive one.

PS.
You might actually feel like you're the absolute best at keeping yourself down and confirmed it by some people's anxious responses to you in this thread, but I've dealt with worse and those people are doing much better now.
 
Man, I've just been down lately. I know the trigger is extreme stress in regards to money--but god, I hate being in a downward swing with BPD II. I need to get on medication and I need to see a therapist, but I need money to do that. I need stability before I can get mentally stable, apparently.

It's leaving me raw and easily bothered by every little thing and I'm concerned, as I always am, that it's going to alienate me from my friends. I want to laugh, I want to engage with the writing banter and I want to be enthusiastic about things.

But god, it's hard. It's all I can do to not break down into tears at every little thing. I'm just so tired and I'm so worn down right now. I'm not suicidal, but it'd be nice to just not get out of bed. It'd be nice to not have to deal with the day-to-day and wind up feeling so raw and exposed that I go to sleep at 8-9pm simply so I don't have to deal.

I know it'll pass, because it does. It always just passes. I just want it gone now, but who wouldn't?
 
Every time I have to do my post cancer checkups, I go into panic anxiety mode.

I think I'm gonna be fine just like all the other times, but until all tests are done...I'm not going to be normal. And anxiety makes you feel bad, which makes you wonder...."hey..why do I feel bad?"

oh well.
 
So I decided to delete the dating apps from my phone. Like Facebook they are one of the sources of my deep depression. Hopefully this helps
 
Pretty shitty week so far. This actually might be the most depressed I've been in a while, if I were to tally it all up. Just deeply lonely and miserable. And my body really hurts. But at least some things don't change.
 
neojubei said:
I think I will try reciting positive mantra throughout the day.
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It isn't going to change things right away but it will help exercise your brain into a different form of thinking, and hopefully be a step out of the negative "spinning your wheels" rumination.

Try writing down some small, positive things in your day, that you are grateful for. Kind of "dialing yourself back down" from the bad things or things you don't have in your life, and figuring out what day-to-day things that keep your life functioning.

Do you have access to a washer and dryer? I don't. I have to wash literally everything by hand, and have extra-long showers to rinse my clothing. The skin around my nails and on the hands is really fucked up.

I was abused into silence and intentionally surrounded by people who would keep me from accessing any basic human rights or legal help because I was "privy" to military corruption. I was tortured and had people try to pretend like I was some hired escort and not the wife of a scummy, vain man, so they could try to sweep their corruption and treatment of me under the rug.

I'm not saying this to discount the pain you have gone through and still do feel. I say this as a way to hopefully have people stop and have a humbling look at what there is to potentially be happy about, instead of the things that I very much understand why you are sad or are in pain over.

I may not understand your exact pain, but I understand pain, and my suggestion is one of several of the small things I have done to deal with immense, needless, pointless pain and suffering that has been inflicted on me by childish, small, egotistical, pathetic, abusive people.
 
jmdajr said:
Every time I have to do my post cancer checkups, I go into panic anxiety mode.

I think I'm gonna be fine just like all the other times, but until all tests are done...I'm not going to be normal. And anxiety makes you feel bad, which makes you wonder...."hey..why do I feel bad?"

oh well.
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Anxiety is such a mind killer. Most of my teenage and years after I always thought depression was the worst but in the end its anxiety that just really fucks with all aspects of your life and keeps you frozen in life. I hope your check up turns out good, push through it.
 
Looking for any advice.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have a specific problem when it comes to gaming. I am constantly analyzing my gaming experience which makes it frustrating to enjoy. I just put in 100 hrs into bloodborne and I'm not sure if I enjoyed it. I don't know if ever truly enjoyed gaming in the last 8 years. I know that sounds ridiculous and maybe it's just the anxiety talking but everytime I play I have to constantly analyze the experience to the point where I don't know what I feel. I decided I am going to sell my PS4 an Wii U cause I'm tired of the anxiety it gives me but I'm worried I might end up buying it again so I want to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons.

Have any of you guys experienced something like this? How can I stop trying to validate gaming as hobby?
 
BipolarBear629 said:
Looking for any advice.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have a specific problem when it comes to gaming. I am constantly analyzing my gaming experience which makes it frustrating to enjoy. I just put in 100 hrs into bloodborne and I'm not sure if I enjoyed it. I don't know if ever truly enjoyed gaming in the last 8 years. I know that sounds ridiculous and maybe it's just the anxiety talking but everytime I play I have to constantly analyze the experience to the point where I don't know what I feel. I decided I am going to sell my PS4 an Wii U cause I'm tired of the anxiety it gives me but I'm worried I might end up buying it again so I want to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons.

Have any of you guys experienced something like this? How can I stop trying to validate gaming as hobby?
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Sounds like an addiction with some kind of obsessive compulsive issues tied to it. Try your best to cold turkey it and find something constructive that helps keep you occupied instead. Remember that it's going to be hard and you're not a failure if you make any sort of mistake, it'll definitely take time. I have a similar problem, lack of enjoyment out of something that I have wasted my life with for many years now.

PS. and obviously see if you can also find a mental health professional if you don't already have one
 
la flama blanca said:
Sounds like an addiction with some kind of obsessive compulsive issues tied to it. Try your best to cold turkey it and find something constructive that helps keep you occupied instead. Remember that it's going to be hard and you're not a failure if you make any sort of mistake, it'll definitely take time. I have a similar problem, lack of enjoyment out of something that I have wasted my life with for many years now.

PS. and obviously see if you can also find a mental health professional if you don't already have one
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I am seeing a therapist but I've never talked about this issue with her before. I hardly play games these days because I always get bored soon after I play but I'm so bored all the time it's hard to not turn it on in hopes that I might find something fun to do. I just constantly feel bored and am looking for a way to distract myself.
 
BipolarBear629 said:
I am seeing a therapist but I've never talked about this issue with her before. I hardly play games these days because I always get bored soon after I play but I'm so bored all the time it's hard to not turn it on in hopes that I might find something fun to do. I just constantly feel bored and am looking for a way to distract myself.
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Definitely bring up as much as you can around this issue. These aren't separate matters as it's all involving your life. May I suggest some kind of physical activity in when you feel bored, always a good option to trigger those endorphins and get some kind of redeeming good feelings out of it. Also, there may be things out there that have triggered your interest but for some reason never followed up on in any conscious thought that may turn out to be great ways to pass the time, try to really maybe look into what they are.

neojubei said:
I fail at everything
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I probably fail at way more menial, simple tasks than you do. I fail at "everything" as well. Trust me, I know the feel. I gotta keep trying though, no matter what, that's what I try to do always, even if there is overwhelming evidence that I fucking suck. You are blinding yourself to some really great redeeming qualities and you have to realize that you're going to have to work even harder the more you beat yourself up. Positive struggle dude, it's just life, but it's worth living and you will experience some great shit in life if you just at least try.
 
la flama blanca said:
Definitely bring up as much as you can around this issue. These aren't separate matters as it's all involving your life. May I suggest some kind of physical activity in when you feel bored, always a good option to trigger those endorphins and get some kind of redeeming good feelings out of it. Also, there may be things out there that have triggered your interest but for some reason never followed up on in any conscious thought that may turn out to be great ways to pass the time, try to really maybe look into what they are.
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I weightlift and skateboard and don't really feel that runner's high. I am trying to find new things but it has been difficult so far.

Also I appreciate the responses. Thanks
 
BipolarBear629 said:
I weightlift and skateboard and don't really feel that runner's high. I am trying to find new things but it has been difficult so far.

Also I appreciate the responses. Thanks
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Shit dude, wish I could say weightlifting and skateboarding were some of my hobbies, that's awesome.
I'm sure you'll come across something, some of these things take time and can be really rewarding in the end. And no problem, anytime.
 
neojubei said:
I fail at everything
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Try to notice how black and white your thinking is. Try to pull yourself into a grey area where you think in less definitives about/against yourself. It will not happen right away, but noticing that you're doing this is the first step out of it.
 
I have never felt this anxious in my life. I'm a college student whose been diagnosed with ADD and probably have OCD and other anxiety issues (I started seeing people because I have a phobia of zombies). I started this term off really bad and failed 2 tests because I had no notes for them (typically, I have a note taker but no one volunteered). At midterms, I was failing those 2 classes. I'm so stressed that I couldnt move today. My anxiety got so high, I started getting depressed and get suicidal thoughts now and again. I feel like I have to drop out right now because I'm too stressed but can't because other people say it's my senior year and I'm almost done. Now, I have to finish the term as drop day has passed. I'm doing better at the school work now, but don't know if I can recover and that scares me.
 
Rachael4345 said:
I have never felt this anxious in my life. I'm a college student whose been diagnosed with ADD and probably have OCD and other anxiety issues (I started seeing people because I have a phobia of zombies). I started this term off really bad and failed 2 tests because I had no notes for them (typically, I have a note taker but no one volunteered). At midterms, I was failing those 2 classes. I'm so stressed that I couldnt move today. My anxiety got so high, I started getting depressed and get suicidal thoughts now and again. I feel like I have to drop out right now because I'm too stressed but can't because other people say it's my senior year and I'm almost done. Now, I have to finish the term as drop day has passed. I'm doing better at the school work now, but don't know if I can recover and that scares me.
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I know how you feel. College can be a horrible combination of scary, anxious, stressful, and extremely long days and nights. I'm sitting here working on two labs due Friday, and I'm probably bit gonna get any sleep tobight, meaning the next sleep I'm gonna get is gonna be tomorrow at like 10PM. More or less, I'll probably be up 40 hours.

It's really about never giving up. Go talk to your peofessors, let them know you struggled during the beginning but you are working it out. You don't even need to be specific, just "working some personal stuff out" and they'll understand. Last semester I should have by all rights failed Calculus III, putting me behind an entire year, but my professor saw I was trying hard even though I was struggling and so she passed. (She had no clue I was dealing with major depression then, just that I wasn't doing as well as I should have been given my effort).

Try to stay on top of it. I don't know what school you go to, but working a little bit every day, including Saturdays and Sundays can be a lot more suckish, but you can put in literally 24 hours of work on those two days, so in the end it will help keep you from getting too anxious.

As for test taking, well not much you can so about that, unfortunately. Some people are good at tests and some arent. Keep your head up though, and PM me if you ever need to talk.

Stay strong!
 
Just got paid, took out the four fifty for rent and student loans, got like two nineteen to last two weeks. Which then I think I'll get another hundred or so. Yeah, hopefully my roommate can pull that part time job for me.
 
Rachael4345 said:
I have never felt this anxious in my life. I'm a college student whose been diagnosed with ADD and probably have OCD and other anxiety issues (I started seeing people because I have a phobia of zombies). I started this term off really bad and failed 2 tests because I had no notes for them (typically, I have a note taker but no one volunteered). At midterms, I was failing those 2 classes. I'm so stressed that I couldnt move today. My anxiety got so high, I started getting depressed and get suicidal thoughts now and again. I feel like I have to drop out right now because I'm too stressed but can't because other people say it's my senior year and I'm almost done. Now, I have to finish the term as drop day has passed. I'm doing better at the school work now, but don't know if I can recover and that scares me.
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Hey, I hope you pull through cause I was in a similar position to you last semester. I ended up taking a leave of absence in school which cancelled out all my grades for that semester and I won't be allowed to return until next fall assuming I see a therapist and get the help I need. I also was failing my classes and couldn't focus so I guess cancelling out my grades was a good thing. But I was a sophomore and not a senior like you. Now I don't know how much you can pull through and finish, but I wouldn't recommend a health leave. Treat it as a last resort, Being back home is horrible for me. I'm bored out of my mind and feel like a loser with no goals. I have no friends back here so I spend everyday doing pointless crap. On top of that, I can't see my school therapist and the one I found back home sucks. Obviously my experience is different from yours but I just wanted to give you something to think about and let you know you have options if you truly need it.
 
Ponn01 said:
Anxiety is such a mind killer. Most of my teenage and years after I always thought depression was the worst but in the end its anxiety that just really fucks with all aspects of your life and keeps you frozen in life. I hope your check up turns out good, push through it.
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Thanks man. I need to move on from this. I need to be chill again.
 
Hey guys,

I am 26, my depression is trom being desperately alone, I am an only child my dad is dead and my mother is old. During childhood i had friends, but as we got older they all got in trouble and or died. I made a few friends but we got out of touch. Right now i am deeply afraid all I will always be alone. No women has ever shown interest in me but who could blame them, i am pretty much a loser. My life consist of going to work and going home. I dont have many hobbies besides art reading and cooking. Yesterday at the gym i broke up a fight where two guys pulled guns on each other, I cant help but feel like they would have been doing me a favor if one of them had just let a shot go atleast that way my mother would have been able to collect my life insurance.

regards,
 
Nastrodamous said:
Hey guys,

I am 26, my depression is trom being desperately alone, I am an only child my dad is dead and my mother is old. During childhood i had friends, but as we got older they all got in trouble and or died. I made a few friends but we got out of touch. Right now i am deeply afraid all I will always be alone. No women has ever shown interest in me but who could blame them, i am pretty much a loser. My life consist of going to work and going home. I dont have many hobbies besides art reading and cooking. Yesterday at the gym i broke up a fight where two guys pulled guns on each other, I cant help but feel like they would have been doing me a favor if one of them had just let a shot go atleast that way my mother would have been able to collect my life insurance.

regards,
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I am pretty much you but with less hobbies and no job. The loneliness can be pretty unbearable at times but I've gotten use to it over time which thinking about it is kind of even sadder but whatever. I'll have friends and eventually a SO but those things will come as I work on myself and get a job. Welcome to the thread by the way thanks for sharing with us. When you say art as a hobby what exactly does that pertain to?
 
Finally called a therapist. Scheduled my intake interview for next week--they said they might have been able to fit me in today, but I can't afford the intake fee until tomorrow.

Excited to start on the journey to getting better. I'm tired of falling into this hole and feeling like I can't pull myself out of it.
 
redlegs87 said:
I am pretty much you but with less hobbies and no job. The loneliness can be pretty unbearable at times but I've gotten use to it over time which thinking about it is kind of even sadder but whatever. I'll have friends and eventually a SO but those things will come as I work on myself and get a job. Welcome to the thread by the way thanks for sharing with us. When you say art as a hobby what exactly does that pertain to?
Click to expand...

i just paint on canvases and i think it has slowly started to sink in that i will be alone for the rest of my life, like the sooner i accept it the better off i will be.
 
Saw the doctor for a follow up since being on fluoxetine for about a month. It's definitely been beneficial and I feel I'm still improving. I'm on 20mg right now but he said he wants to up the dose. I guess I'd just like to hear some experiences from anyone about increasing dose.

I feel like I'm still improving so the doctor said OK, schedule a follow up for a few months but if you feel you aren't improving and still have some depression symptoms, consider coming back sooner to increase dose.

At first, I was resistant to taking medication and now I'm totally fine with it, so that's good.
I don't really have negative thoughts during day much anymore, it generally only comes at night when trying to go sleep, so that's improved a lot.
My sleeping has improved a lot, my brain isn't on all the time and I feel like I can actually relax and go to sleep (which helps the above point), so that's good.
I'm more active now, started working out again, working on writing music more, learning a couple other instruments, starting to work on spanish again, trying to decide on another language to start picking up, hopefully going to start learning blender, some coding and UE4 soon, so that's all good stuff.
Still no job though so....

I suppose my feeling is that I don't want to increase dose just because, I'd rather wait to stop seeing the effects.... but maybe the better strategy is to increase the dose, and get back on track with my life and then consider decreasing the dose to find a good maintenance level at that point?
 
Nastrodamous said:
i just paint on canvases and i think it has slowly started to sink in that i will be alone for the rest of my life, like the sooner i accept it the better off i will be.
Click to expand...
I don't think you'll be forever alone. You'll find people to be friends with and more eventually just have to put yourself out there.


IceDoesntHelp said:
I think I might be on my last leg here.
Click to expand...

What's exactly is going on? If you don't mind saying that is.
 
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