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[Foffy]

After I'm done with college I plan on moving back home and I don't know if I'll ever move out. I might, but if I do literally the only reason would be so I could have more room to store the things I own and do things like start collecting arcade cabinets. To me there's just no point in moving out. I don't have any close friends or relationships aside from my family, and if I moved out I'd just be living a solitary life. I don't mind the lack of privacy, and I actually like the order my parents give my life by giving me a set of tasks to do around the house. I don't like the feeling of independence.

Also I live in the Bay Area so prices are ridiculous. If I do ever move out it'll be because I get a job that allows me to work from home so I can move to some rural area with really low living costs.

I want a solitary life as well, and this is also one of the reasons I moved with my parents out of New York. That said, what would you like your solitary life to be focused on, vocation wise? If that can be accomplished in those circumstances, then you're largely set. I'm in luck, because one of the domains I wish to offer my life - nondualism, and that's me being vague as fuck because of the various disciplines at work - is not even 20 minutes away from the house. I don't know about your circumstance, though, but if something isn't there, it doesn't mean settle. You can also go elsewhere to have a solitary life that correlates with your values, even if it's another country.

However, when you mention your parents giving you tasks to do, I wonder if you going back home is just to do chores and mosey around. If you're at that point, you may lack the itch inside to surrender you life and body to a task or an involvement of some kind, which was my state some time ago as well.

 

[rainy_day]

After I'm done with college I plan on moving back home and I don't know if I'll ever move out. I might, but if I do literally the only reason would be so I could have more room to store the things I own and do things like start collecting arcade cabinets. To me there's just no point in moving out. I don't have any close friends or relationships aside from my family, and if I moved out I'd just be living a solitary life. I don't mind the lack of privacy, and I actually like the order my parents give my life by giving me a set of tasks to do around the house. I don't like the feeling of independence.

Also I live in the Bay Area so prices are ridiculous. If I do ever move out it'll be because I get a job that allows me to work from home so I can move to some rural area with really low living costs.

My brother is like this. Just doesn't care and is completely happy with being at home forever. I tried talking to him about it he just shuts down the convo. Im not sure how to help him. He doesn't have any disorders that i am aware of. I think he is just lazy and scared. He also contributes next to nothing to stay there. I got him to pay $100 but thats nothing.

 

[GraveRobberX]

Not to pry too much, but do you have no desire for an intimate relationship in the future? Are you not capable of making your own task list?

Why does intimate relationship always get brought up?

Its like OMG don't you want to fuck sometime down the line
I find it very coarse that a lot of you are beholden to the task of you need to fuck therefore you need your own place no matter what

Some people have too much other things to worry about and adjust to first

 

[Foffy]

My brother is like this. Just doesn't care and is completely happy with being at home forever. I tried talking to him about it he just shuts down the convo. Im not sure how to help him. He doesn't have any disorders that i am aware of. I think he is just lazy and scared. He also contributes next to nothing to stay there. I got him to pay $100 but thats nothing.

Does he aim for anything at all? There's nothing wrong with aiming small and simple if one has the mind for it, but it's another when you're just coasting along life as a kind of blind husk, and there could be quite a number of factors to bring someone to that state.

 

[digitalrelic]

Too many people in the U.S. find it strange that people stay with their parents past the age of 18. I'm guessing the replies are because of culture.

OP is not 18 though, he's 30.

 

[loaf of bread]

OP is not 18 though, he's 30.

To be fair, 30 is the average age of moving out of the house in South Korea, so its not necessarily unheard of in any culture.

 

[Hysterical]

Why does intimate relationship always get brought up?

Its like OMG don't you want to fuck sometime down the line
I find it very coarse that a lot of you are beholden to the task of you need to fuck therefore you need your own place no matter what

Some people have too much other things to worry about and adjust to first

Why would it not get brought up though? This is one of the main perks of living alone. Privacy.

 

[rainy_day]

Does he aim for anything at all? There's nothing wrong with aiming small and simple if one has the mind for it, but it's another when you're just coasting along life as a kind of blind husk, and there could be quite a number of factors to bring someone to that state.

He is not aiming for anything. He is content with working a minimum wage job and paying no bills. He doesnt buy anything for himself, or anyone else. I try and get him out and experience different things and show him there is more to life than moms house. He just doesnt care. I think maybe lack of friends might be a factor, not sure how to help there accept be there for him and try and get him out. I just dont want to push too hard.

 

[xxracerxx]

Why does intimate relationship always get brought up?

Its like OMG don't you want to fuck sometime down the line
I find it very coarse that a lot of you are beholden to the task of you need to fuck therefore you need your own place no matter what

Some people have too much other things to worry about and adjust to first

Because for many it is a huge aspect of life.

I am not trying to imply that it is the most important thing for everyone, but for many having a significant other at some point in life is a huge goal and that is made just a little bit hard in the US by living with your parents at an older age.

It doesn't come down to fucking, but rather a partner in life. Much like many people's parents found in life.

 

[TickleMeElbow]

I like that in a thread that has almost 800 replies, the OP has only posted 3 or 4 times. Hah!

Yeah I think he's already figured out his options early on in the thread. OP said he wants to move out after all.

Unless he wants to live in the projects, OP can continue to live with his parents while saving so he can move out, continue to live with his parents while looking for a higher paying job so he can move out, or pursue those two options except replace parents with roommates. All of those options are perfectly valid for now.

Implying that people like OP are a losers, or that he's a failure, or that he's not an adult doesn't help shit. People are just arguing about dumb shit that doesn't help OP in any way. Arguing about whether or not moving out in your early 20's means you've wasted your life, or that you're not an adult, or that you're emotionally stunted, doesn't even matter in this situation even if it were true (which IMO, isn't), because OP is 30.

 

[Kite]

What exactly are people constituting as "moving out" in this thread? Like is going away to college considered "moving out"? Because in my mind I wouldn't really consider living at college and coming home for breaks and such moving out, I would consider coming back home after graduating and making the jump to get your own house/apartment as when you "move out". So I would think the time to move out would be 22-23 after you've graduated, not 18. I'm living away for home for college now but I don't consider myself "moved out", just temporarily living away from home. I'll move out after I graduate and I'll be leaving the country.

If you are paying for the dorm/apartment while at college then you have moved. If mommy and daddy are paying then no, it's not *that* much different from living at home.

 

[The Beard]

Maybe they shouldn't have kids so they can keep that privacy until their dying day?

Kids are a choice but by having one you take on the responsibility of ensuring it has the best possible life it can. You don't just have one, raise it until it hits 18 and tell it get the fuck out. Why bother even having kids if that's how you view parenting?

Just save society the trouble of one more person who is left struggling trying to make ends meet and don't procreate, your genes don't need to advance any more at that stage. Let them die off with you. You've done enough, Humanity doesn't need you in the gene pool any more.

Ha ha wow, well that's one way to justify your lack of ambition.

There's a big difference between the lifelong commitment of having a kid, and having your 30+ year old adult "kid" living in your house with zero ambition to leave and start their own life.

 

[Crash Station]

Dude, I get you. I suffer from a generalized anxiety disorder that's made my life hell at times that also has nothing to do with my parents. It's how you deal with your disorder that makes the difference. Your parents will never be able to pick up all the pieces for you and the longer you lean on them every time something goes wrong, the harder it will get for you in the future. I've been on 3 separate full time SSRI's and now I just take a tranquilizer every once in awhile when my symptoms flare up. I've never had to retreat back to my parents (though I'm not judging someone who has to for awhile, I understand how bad mental illness can be); the point is, it's not something that always HAS to happen.

The biggest argument here is, at any time your parents may not be able to take care of you and then it's all on you. The sooner you learn the skills to take care of yourself, the more secure (and usually happier) you'll be in the long-run.

I think I didn't make my circumstances clear. I work from home, do all my own laundry, pay all my own taxes/insurance/etc, do most of my own cooking. I'm not dependent on my parents to do my responsibilities for me, I just don't like being alone in a big empty house like I was for a while.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear all that. Anxiety disorders are not fun.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

I have 2 uncles, my dads brother and my moms brother. I'm only speaking of their experiences, but they both stayed home living with my grandparents their whole lives. Now that all my grandparents are dead they live very lonely miserable lives. I understand that sometimes it is a cultural thing but its not a cultural thing in my family. They just were not willing to live on their own and living off the coattails of my grandparents. They had jobs and helped out around the house and with bills and stuff too. Its just not the same. Now they are struggling every day because they never had to deal with life on their own. Its only now in their 50's that they are trying to buid their own lives and they are just completely lost.

 

[digitalrelic]

To be fair, 30 is the average age of moving out of the house in South Korea, so its not necessarily unheard of in any culture.

Okay...

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

He is not aiming for anything. He is content with working a minimum wage job and paying no bills. He doesnt buy anything for himself, or anyone else. I try and get him out and experience different things and show him there is more to life than moms house. He just doesnt care. I think maybe lack of friends might be a factor, not sure how to help there accept be there for him and try and get him out. I just dont want to push too hard.

I have a few friends like this. They all severe confidence issues and have a difficulty motivating themselves.

 

[Wreav]

I have a few friends like this. They all severe confidence issues and have a difficulty motivating themselves.

Why bother motivating yourself if you don't have to?

 

[Crash Station]

Because for many it is a huge aspect of life.

I am not trying to imply that it is the most important thing for everyone, but for many having a significant other at some point in life is a huge goal and that is made just a little bit hard in the US by living with your parents at an older age.

It doesn't come down to fucking, but rather a partner in life. Much like many people's parents found in life.

There's A LOT more asexual and aromantic people out there than people think.

 

[entremet]

If you are paying for the dorm/apartment while at college then you have moved. If mommy and daddy are paying then no, it's not *that* much different from living at home.

I technically paid for everything via loans, but I didn't considered myself to have moved out until getting a real job and getting a place of my own.

I still went home in summers and during Christmas breaks while in college.

Nor do I consider most college kids to have moved out because that's the reality for mosts.

 

[xxracerxx]

There's A LOT more asexual and aromantic people out there than people think.

I know that. That doesn't stop the question being asked.

I technically paid for everything via loans, but I didn't considered myself to have moved out until getting a real job and getting a place of my own.

Nor do I consider most college kids to have moved out because that's the reality for mosts.

I still went home in summers.

Most of my friends stayed for summers and most had apartments or houses rented during college. They also held down jobs. Would you consider that being moved out?

 

[entremet]

Most of my friends stayed for summers and most had apartments or houses rented during college. They also held down jobs. Would you consider that being moved out?

Sure. But those are a small minority. Most kids go back home during summers.

I held multiple jobs too. But my home base in college was my parents home.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

Maybe they shouldn't have kids so they can keep that privacy until their dying day?

Kids are a choice but by having one you take on the responsibility of ensuring it has the best possible life it can. You don't just have one, raise it until it hits 18 and tell it get the fuck out. Why bother even having kids if that's how you view parenting?

Just save society the trouble of one more person who is left struggling trying to make ends meet and don't procreate, your genes don't need to advance any more at that stage. Let them die off with you. You've done enough, Humanity doesn't need you in the gene pool any more.

Uh, you've got it pretty backwards here. It's honestly not really the responsibility of a parent to make sure a kid has a good life, it's to raise them to adulthood safely while providing the tools they need to survive in the world on their own. If you want a good life, you kind of need to go out and make it good for yourself. What you're speaking on here is definitely a sign of entitlement at this point.

Not only do you expect your parents to hand everything to you on a silver platter, but you plan on blaming them if it doesn't come out just perfect to your expectations.

 

[Stinkles]

Yeah but Bradley Cooper still lives with his mom. Who's the loser now.

That's not even a real laugh.

 

[xxracerxx]

That's not even a real laugh.

It's real!

 

[Sylas]

Maybe they shouldn't have kids so they can keep that privacy until their dying day?

Kids are a choice but by having one you take on the responsibility of ensuring it has the best possible life it can. You don't just have one, raise it until it hits 18 and tell it get the fuck out. Why bother even having kids if that's how you view parenting?

Just save society the trouble of one more person who is left struggling trying to make ends meet and don't procreate, your genes don't need to advance any more at that stage. Let them die off with you. You've done enough, Humanity doesn't need you in the gene pool any more.

One would argue that part of the responsibility of making sure your child has a fulfilling life is making sure that they also have the tools to deal with whatever life throws at them. Being down on your luck and figuring out how to pull out of that--without a crutch--is a vital life skill. You won't always have someone there to pick you up.

I don't particularly care if someone wants to live with their parents for the rest of their lives, but I'd consider someone that allows their child to never be truly independent to be a poor parent. It's also selfish to ask someone that's ostensibly "made it" to help you out forever.

 

[Bubba T]

OP is not 18 though, he's 30.

I understand that. That's why I said past the age of 18. The concept of living at home with your parents into your 20s and even 30s is foreign to Americans, but not to the rest of the world. Many cultures don't have their kids move out until they get married.

 

[Foffy]

He is not aiming for anything. He is content with working a minimum wage job and paying no bills. He doesnt buy anything for himself, or anyone else. I try and get him out and experience different things and show him there is more to life than moms house. He just doesnt care. I think maybe lack of friends might be a factor, not sure how to help there accept be there for him and try and get him out. I just dont want to push too hard.

Sounds like he's living life on autopilot because he's not passionate enough to really run for things.

Have you ever brought up the "what would you do if money wasn't an object in life" card yet on him? If he would say the same things he does now, there might be a chance he's being aversive to something. People choose burnout because social systems have failed them, or they lack the true "fruit" to really have something to want to flow with.

 

[Goodlife]

God, if my wife and I had to move back in with any of our parents we would go completely bonkers. They all live in smallish homes and we would just be on top of each other always.

We had to move back into my in-laws for 4 months while our house was being extended.

Longest 4 months of my life.
Bless them though, can't gave been easy for them either.

 

[ezrarh]

I understand that. That's why I said past the age of 18. The concept of living at home with your parents into your 20s and even 30s is foreign to Americans, but not to the rest of the world. Many cultures don't have their kids move out until they get married.

Don't worry, if things continue the way it is, American culture will revert back to the mean where staying with parents will become a norm and not looked down upon due to necessity.

 

[nded]

Try not to sweat it too much. Economic realities seem to be shifting across the board, and a lot of the old pathways to personal and financial independence aren't as reliable as they once were. There's nothing wrong with accepting help when it's needed.

That said, definitely make an effort to improve your situation and take steps towards being able to support yourself. Save your money, get training or look for better jobs and try to contribute. You're only a freeloader if you stop trying not to be one, and it's in your best interest to have some kind of plan for when your parents are no longer able to support you.

 

[Apdiddy]

I stayed with my parents until I was 33 or 34. First apartment I have is terrible -- my lease coming up in May and a friend of mine is leaving her apartment at the end of March. It'll be more money for rent, but my landlord is worse than my mom sometimes and is driving me nuts.

 

[Wreav]

The worst part about living with your parents that no one has mentioned is sharing a shower and seeing your mom's pubes in the drain.

 

[Kozak]

Ill probz be at my mums house till 26 when my gf and I plan on moving out together (23 now).

Im Turkish so our family culture is pretty tight. I see my brother staying at home into his 30s (27 now). No point for him to move unless he finds a partner.

My mum is pretty cool tho. A lot like a friend who also yells at you and cooks you food... sounds like my girlfriend haha

Edit:

I could move out now but being at home allows me to save and sink money into projects without worrying if im eating or sleeping that day

 

[Crash Station]

The worst part about living with your parents that no one has mentioned is sharing a shower and seeing your mom's pubes in the drain.

We have our own bathrooms and our own showers.

 

[xxracerxx]

We have our own bathrooms and our own showers.

And not everyone does.

 

[Bgamer90]

Nothing wrong with it as long as you have an actual plan to get out and/or need to stay to help out your parents/relatives.

The idea that everyone should be financially ready to live own their own at a certain set age as if everyone's life is the same is silly.

 

[Crash Station]

And not everyone does.

This is true. Though that's not exactly something roommates help. Sharing 1 bathroom among however many people is always shit. In college, it was 5 people to 1 and sucked so damn much. We were told by the RAs to wear shower slippers because a lot of people just straight up jacked off in there.

 

[brianjones]

This is true. Though that's not exactly something roommates help. Sharing 1 bathroom among however many people is always shit. In college, it was 5 people to 1 and sucked so damn much.

i don't think i could do roommates man.. I'm just so used to my privacy

 

[xxracerxx]

This is true. Though that's not exactly something roommates help. Sharing 1 bathroom among however many people is always shit. In college, it was 5 people to 1 and sucked so damn much. We were told by the RAs to wear shower slippers because a lot of people just straight up jacked off in there.

Wait, were these school quads/dorms? Of course you wear shower slippers, the amount of filth in those gang showers is fucking gross.

Now if you are talking about a rented house with only 1 shower, there should have been some discussions about bathroom usage/cleanliness.

 

[Foffy]

The worst part about living with your parents that no one has mentioned is sharing a shower and seeing your mom's pubes in the drain.

Even if you do, it's hair. What is the problem, unless one makes a boundary problem in their head on "proper hair to see"?

I can get this with devices, at least.

 

[riotous]

Wait, were these school quads/dorms? Of course you wear shower slippers, the amount of filth in those gang showers is fucking gross.

Now if you are talking about a rented house with only 1 shower, there should have been some discussions about bathroom usage/cleanliness.

I had a roommate who showered using the sink; the sink and mirror were always covered in water / soap marks and little bits of his hair from shaving.

Always drove me nuts; I'm not very compatible with roommates in general lol. I'm obsessively considerate of other people to the point it becomes inconsiderate because I don't have much patience.

 

[Tesseract]

Since retirement probably won't be an issue for anyone 30 or <, I'd spend a year or two aggressively exploring intellectual pursuits. Maximize your specialities now while you can.

You're gonna start to feel sluggish in your thirties, that feeling only gets worse until death.

 

[xxracerxx]

I had a roommate who showered using the sink; the sink and mirror were always covered in water / soap marks and little bits of his hair from shaving.

Always drove me nuts; I'm not very compatible with roommates in general lol. I'm obsessively considerate of other people to the point it becomes inconsiderate because I don't have much patience.

That is just a shit roommate. Did you at least have a talk with him about it?

 

[PlatypusDude]

Not in a situation like this yet, 20 and in college, but, I'm surprised by how taboo it is to live with your parents until you get established with some people here. My parents and my aunts and uncles all didn't live on their own, aside from years at college, until between 25-32. Thought it was normal, if the situation called for it, to live at home for a couple years after college until you get yourself on your feet. I do agree though that 30 is around the cutoff on when you should absolutely try to find away to move out barring circumstances that don't allow it.

 

[braves01]

I think this is mostly about $$$. I'm sure most people would move out if they didn't have to live check-to-check in order to do so. Erosion of the middle class and wage stagnation just means this'll be more common.

 

[Foffy]

Since retirement probably won't be an issue for anyone 30 or <, I'd spend a year or two aggressively exploring intellectual pursuits. Maximize your specialities now while you can.

You're gonna start to feel sluggish in your thirties, that feeling only gets worse until death.

That's what I have done. Taking a break from what I have been trained to do vocationally - nursing - to inquire on the mind. Hopefully I can simply migrate over to that, for I'd like to have a living that's not a 9-5 but a 1:1 with reality.

Of course, doing that is awfully hard. Selling water by the river, New Age bullshit is fucking everywhere, no resources on how to "work" in such a thing, etc. It's interesting but also nerving.

 

[Meier]

I understand moving back in with your parents after finishing school for a year or two if you're single and don't have an attachment to someone. Beyond that, it seems a little strange to me.

The financial benefits are of course significant though. It's very difficult to be able to afford a house in most places without getting that buffer from living at home. Most people probably can barely ever dig themselves out of the financial hole that exists nowadays and will have to deal with renting in perpetuity more or less.

 

[FLAguy954]

Well no. He's currently more financial stable than he was and he's getting ready to build his own home. Had the option been available to stay at home during those initial five years, it's very possible that he would have already built the home or been partway through its construction.

His education would have likely progressed better too.

Feels weird talking about Lucian like he isn't here in the conversation...we see you Lucian, don't worry.

Dude, Lucian Cat is a woman lol

EDIT: I see she already made that clear.

 

[FLAguy954]

I moved out at 17, but it was mostly out of necessity.

I wouldn't force my kids out by 18, provided they are in school and working part time. It is important to me they learn the value of work and see what it costs to do pretty much anything

No chance they are allowed to just lounge around doing fuck all

I agree with you and it makes me angry that my parents are doing the exact opposite with my little brother. My brother is about to graduate at the end of the year but doesn't even have a fucking job history or internship to list on his resume. He doesn't have a car and has to rely on my parents for everything.

In contrast to myself, I busted my ass to get my car, to build my own credit, to create a work history, and network within my field of work (nursing). I am preparing myself to leave my parent's house with useful skills and I have a huge fucking advantage over my little bro.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Dude, Lucian Cat is a woman lol

EDIT: I see she already made that clear.

Yeah, I'm embarrassed about that. Should have kept it gender neutral until I had a better idea.