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I'm 30 and have never moved out
- Thread starter cereal_killerxx
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Time to move. Otherwise, aren't you just settling and admitting defeat for a major part of your life?
And so what if it's hard? Life is hard!
Wow you must have a real good relationship with your parents and at the same time have a lot of freedom.
I need the freedom creatively, mentally etc... I'm planning to save enough money and buy a condo by 27, which I think is reasonable if I live with my parents till then. Currently though I would say that I'd be lying if I didnt say that my parents and younger siblings didnt drive me somewhat nutty.
Too controlling, too noisy and too nosy among other things like various restrictions placed on me. I think overall my productivity would increase and it would be easier for me to reach my potential if I move out. Since I also become dependent on myself alone.
Movinng out with a partner would also suck(?) since you're still constrained and I'd rather be constrained by my parents than my partner at least now that I'm still young
I need the freedom creatively, mentally etc... I'm planning to save enough money and buy a condo by 27, which I think is reasonable if I live with my parents till then. Currently though I would say that I'd be lying if I didnt say that my parents and younger siblings didnt drive me somewhat nutty.
Too controlling, too noisy and too nosy among other things like various restrictions placed on me. I think overall my productivity would increase and it would be easier for me to reach my potential if I move out. Since I also become dependent on myself alone.
Movinng out with a partner would also suck(?) since you're still constrained and I'd rather be constrained by my parents than my partner at least now that I'm still young
ZackieChan
Member
You know the world is quite large, right? These days we have unprecedented access to information, job opportunities, and the possibility of moving to so many places. Finding work doesn't have to be incredibly hard when you think of it on such a scale. Start your own business. Learn new marketable skills. Cast a wider net. Be flexible.
Would you be willing to consider a life off of the grid, in a yurt?
Many walks of life still exist on this earth, even if you're on GAF, you're in a niche of the possibilities. Cultures exist today where there's no sense of ownership, which would probably startle the fuck out of people here. Of course, these are forest-dwellers.
brianjones
Member
I've always wanted to go off the grid
theres a whole world out there that can seem scary and usually feeling out your depth but people have made it work. This day and age with the internet there's usually something somewhere you can find to answer your questions and with phones and people someone to talk to that can help you out instantly.
People think finding work is difficult but it really doesnt have to be.
People think finding work is difficult but it really doesnt have to be.
Sumio Mondo
Member
I look forward to the inevitable thread in 30-40 years on GAF - "what's a good age to put your parents in the old people's home?" "60".
I think of you're in your 20s and still living at home you should use the opportunity to save as much as you can. I made it a goal to save around 150k by 28. While still contributing to rent, groceries and such.
Assuming I graduate next year(22) and can pay off my school fees(50k) within two years. I think this is reasonable goal if I work 2 jobs even with crap wages. I think 150-200k can get you a decent condo in Toronto, not downtown but in the suburbs
I want to leave ASAP I'm going crazy here, but I'm trying to be calculated in my approach
Assuming I graduate next year(22) and can pay off my school fees(50k) within two years. I think this is reasonable goal if I work 2 jobs even with crap wages. I think 150-200k can get you a decent condo in Toronto, not downtown but in the suburbs
I want to leave ASAP I'm going crazy here, but I'm trying to be calculated in my approach
ClosingADoor
Member
I have a hard time believing all apartments in a 50km radius would be drug dens.
You're both of course right. I definitely lack the self belief for a lot of things in life and I get badly homesick and miss my friends too when I'm away. I know it's all excuses at the end of the day. My neighbor was 36 when he left home and got a job in Australia, he's an electrician or something. Now he's married with a kid and a nice house. I should probably use him as motivation.
Would you be willing to consider a life off of the grid, in a yurt?
Many walks of life still exist on this earth, even if you're on GAF, you're in a niche of the possibilities. Cultures exist today where there's no sense of ownership, which would probably startle the fuck out of people here. Of course, these are forest-dwellers.
I couldn't deal off the grid, I need to be angry at Nintendo directs!
You'd be surprised, I live in a pretty shitty place for this. If they aren't druggies they're chavs looking to stab you on your way to work
Sumio Mondo
Member
Most of the people here won't even be able to afford that.
To be honest I vastly underestimated how bad retirement is going to be in the future too, saw on the news the other day they are thinking of upping the working pension age to 75 (possibly to 81 before even getting the pension). They really want you to do die before you get it. Anyway, going off topic in an off topic, topic, so apologies.
I think this is something that can be difficult to imagine for people who've lived in similar circumstances to yours.
I work full-time, so the amount of time I'm around my parents (and with my sister living out-of-state, it's just them) is pretty limited. I'll see them for a few minutes in the morning before work, but there's barely time for a "Hi" and "Bye" in that space.
When I'm home from work there's some chit-chat around dinner time, but after that we all pretty much go do our own thing. Besides helping with chores around the house (that I'd most definitely be doing in my own place anyway) and a little IT support, their level of interference in my life is basically nill. They rarely argue, they don't nag unnecessarily and they don't hinder me from doing what I want to do. If anything, they encourage me to.
The only real differences in my life once I move out will be:
• Less money
• More work around the house
• Become better cook
• Easier circumstances with women
• Can shit with the door open (never really seemed like a big deal to me, but people rave about it so yeah)
Not that having it easy at home is necessarily a good excuse for not moving out. At almost 28, I know in my heart that the right time for me to split is basically now, and it's only a carefully planned saving scheme that's keeping me here a bit longer.
I am 20 and I can't wait to move out. I am finally going away to college this year. My brother on the other hand is a 34 year old shitlord who still lives with me and my mom.
He moved away for college for like six months once, but he couldn't take it and came back. He has a job as a substitute teacher but he doesn't pay rent, doesn't buy food, and doesn't even have his own car. He has our mom drop him off at work. Our mom does all of his laundry, she or I cook all of his food, and he never does any chores.
On top of all this he is a huge fucking asshole. He is consistently mean and derogatory to our mom, to the point that she cries. If anything halfway stressful in his life happens he has a temper tantrum that includes breaking things, yelling obsenities at the top of his longs and threats of suicide.
He is the single worst human being I have ever met. I wish my mother was strong enough to kick him out, but she has told she is affraid of what he would do if she tried. I wish he would follow through on his threats of suicide.
He moved away for college for like six months once, but he couldn't take it and came back. He has a job as a substitute teacher but he doesn't pay rent, doesn't buy food, and doesn't even have his own car. He has our mom drop him off at work. Our mom does all of his laundry, she or I cook all of his food, and he never does any chores.
On top of all this he is a huge fucking asshole. He is consistently mean and derogatory to our mom, to the point that she cries. If anything halfway stressful in his life happens he has a temper tantrum that includes breaking things, yelling obsenities at the top of his longs and threats of suicide.
He is the single worst human being I have ever met. I wish my mother was strong enough to kick him out, but she has told she is affraid of what he would do if she tried. I wish he would follow through on his threats of suicide.
damn i know that must be real frustrating to deal with but I don't think you truly mean that. I personally would try to grow the courage to tell him my mind if my older brother was doing the same. But I don't fully understand the context.
MrPink93485
Member
I lived away during college and then moved back home after graduating. I've been in my parent's house for nearly 4 years and I can't mostly stand it. The financial benefits are enormous and nice, and while they've mostly kept to leaving me alone, even a couple hours with them can be intolerable. I haven't moved out on my own because it was only this year I got a salary where I felt I could make it work and continue paying off my student loans but I'm also probably going to grad school in another city so I gotta stick it out until August. Either way, I guess I'll be free by year's end.
I hate the fact that people think that they can live at home while they save for a place, and not need to contribute to the payment of the house.
If mortgage is paid off, you should help out, with Utility, or prop tax, or various bills. It shouldn't be a totally free place to live if you are employed, just imo.
If mortgage is paid off, you should help out, with Utility, or prop tax, or various bills. It shouldn't be a totally free place to live if you are employed, just imo.
I'm 27 and want to move out, but when I had the choice between a car and moving out 3 years ago, I bought a car. I pay for everything of mine (bills, food, clothes, etc), but don't contribute to mortgage, monthly house bills, or any of the like.
Than again, I also am still in school, paid for my last three semesters our of pocket (effectively draining my bank account in the process...), and potentially looking at medical school next year, so I have no idea if I'm the normal case.
My mom has laid it out that I can live at home as long as I am working and going to school, Either of them stop and I have to find my own place.
Than again, I also am still in school, paid for my last three semesters our of pocket (effectively draining my bank account in the process...), and potentially looking at medical school next year, so I have no idea if I'm the normal case.
My mom has laid it out that I can live at home as long as I am working and going to school, Either of them stop and I have to find my own place.
Me too. Im currently unable though since it's cheaper to live home than to rent a place to stay closer to the university.
But once "things starts going", I'll move out.
entremet
Member
This is already happening. Wage stagnation, expensive metro areas, insane loans are all contributing to it.
I doubt many young people want to stay at home.
Unfortunately this is the new norm. Nothing to be embarrassed about.
In many places in the country you'll struggle without being in a two income family, even with OK wages.
I moved home in 2010 after fallout (layoffs) from the great recession and have been saving. I have zero debt now, paid off student loans, and 100k in savings; but still a little worried since housing where I work is very, very expensive.
The plan now is to jump on a condo before interest rates and prices head up. I'm probably still going to be house poor, but I'd rather be able to walk to work and get the 4 hours a day I commute back for other things. Leisure and hobby time is important to me.
Of all the things to hate, that stikes me as a wierd one. Family helping family isn't something I'd look down on.
In many places in the country you'll struggle without being in a two income family, even with OK wages.
I moved home in 2010 after fallout (layoffs) from the great recession and have been saving. I have zero debt now, paid off student loans, and 100k in savings; but still a little worried since housing where I work is very, very expensive.
The plan now is to jump on a condo before interest rates and prices head up. I'm probably still going to be house poor, but I'd rather be able to walk to work and get the 4 hours a day I commute back for other things. Leisure and hobby time is important to me.
Of all the things to hate, that stikes me as a wierd one. Family helping family isn't something I'd look down on.
In a lot of cultures(including mine), it's taboo to move out before marriage or to leave your parents alone to fend for themselves when they're getting old and frail, I think that's fair considering you have to look out for your loved ones before anyone else and it's selfish to consider them a burden.
I honestly don't understand this "move out at any cost" mentality and culture prevalent in North America. I know people from my high school who moved out without any financial stability, they were literally begging for food because they couldn't afford it and, 10 years later, most of them still have not been able to get back on their feet.
I honestly don't understand this "move out at any cost" mentality and culture prevalent in North America. I know people from my high school who moved out without any financial stability, they were literally begging for food because they couldn't afford it and, 10 years later, most of them still have not been able to get back on their feet.
DarkGiygas
Member
A lot more than that probably :/
Even mediocre 1 bedroom ones I was looking at in Scarborough were near 300k.
Zeus Molecules
illegal immigrants are stealing our air
A lot of it is based on a streak of individualism in our culture that dates back to the pioneers to find "your own space" that has mutated into this belief that being an adult means you have a "place of your own" no matter the cost.
There are probably a lot of good reasons to stay at home, help out, and save. However the idea of moving out has become romanticized to the point that I understand why its hard for people to say no. Not to mention no matter how cool your parents are it makes having a relationship with another person a whole lot easier.....unless you have ton of roommates.
TouchMyBox
Member
Just do it.
If you look at listings for roommates, you'll find plenty of people looking for people for short-term rentals when a roommate is on vacation, or if someone is renting out their place while they are away on business or whatever.
Try find a place you can rent for 2-3 months and discover what you've been missing out on in your life, and if you're spending way more than you're taking in and are falling on hard times financially, you'll be able to move back in with your parents presumably.
If you look at listings for roommates, you'll find plenty of people looking for people for short-term rentals when a roommate is on vacation, or if someone is renting out their place while they are away on business or whatever.
Try find a place you can rent for 2-3 months and discover what you've been missing out on in your life, and if you're spending way more than you're taking in and are falling on hard times financially, you'll be able to move back in with your parents presumably.
Palculator
Unconfirmed Member
I moved out when I was 19 and my relationship with my parents has improved significantly since then. Not that it was bad while I was living with them, far from it, but being independent from someone changes interaction with them and since we now hang out as "equals" basically, it's more like visiting friends.
gutter_trash
Banned
if you parents like you, and you like them and yall get along. It's fine staying with them
roommates may be more trouble then they are worth.
move out alone or don't move out at all
roommates may be more trouble then they are worth.
move out alone or don't move out at all
I see a lot of talk about buying condos in here. That's basically a real estate 101 no no here in Texas. Generally makes way more sense to just rent since condo resale is such a crap shoot vs houses.
Why wouldn't you just rent a condo and build your savings account up instead of worrying about down payments?
Why wouldn't you just rent a condo and build your savings account up instead of worrying about down payments?
DarkGiygas
Member
Basically this. I pretty much stopped even wanting a condo due to the maintenance fee charges around here.
Now just looking at buying a house with a separate basement to rent out and have them pay half my mortgage for me.
Cant rent and save. Some of us dont have amazing jobs. Hard to even find a 1br thats under 1K
Autumn Wind
Member
I realize that prices go up and things change and there's inflation and all that. My parents got their first apartment in 1980 or possibly late 1979. I'm pretty sure it was the former though. The rent was $330 a month. My dad on his own weekly salary (where he went from part time to full time in less than six months) was able to pay for the rent and then some. My mom's full time job was able to be used to save for five years for a down payment on a house.
When my dad started his job in 1979 (and he feels it wasn't enough back then) he made $5.50 an hour. By comparison, when I started at Home Depot in 2010 I started at $8.60 an hour.
Something is WRONG.
When my dad started his job in 1979 (and he feels it wasn't enough back then) he made $5.50 an hour. By comparison, when I started at Home Depot in 2010 I started at $8.60 an hour.
Something is WRONG.
gutter_trash
Banned
condos are only worth it if you are lucky to find one at a reasonable price
if the costs are too high at the moment, condos are not a good idea
if the costs are too high at the moment, condos are not a good idea
LyleLanley
Banned
Wait, people think the idea of putting elderly parents in a home is an awful idea? My grandmother was in one for the last portion of her life and it was the best thing that could've happened to her.
thelastcrusader
Banned
I'm 28. I've spent 25+ not living at my mom's. Now at 28 with my 2nd kid I just moved back into her house. Not because of financials but because of a few reasons. One being the help with my daughter and upcoming son. The other being I no longer have to split my daughter's time between my wife and I and my mother. It was a constant battle every week to get time with my daughter since my mom always wanted to keep her. Other reason is my mom is in a 5 bedroom with my grandma and little sister and no man in the house so she's been desperate for me or my brother to move back in so she has a man at home. So here I am almost 30 and just moved back in.
SonicXtreme
Member
lol paying rent for an economical apartment isn't 'wasted money'. overspending on a large house you don't need is wasted money; sure you can sell it but you are paying much more in things like utilities, property taxes, time of upkeep. paying for a fancy apartment could be considered 'wasted money' but don't ever feel like you're wasting money renting something economical.
i could pay a mortgage with my rent but then i'd have to pay so much more in utilities, have bills out the ass anytime anything breaks, you know what i do now? call a number and someone fixes it immediately, no charge no hassle. those unexpected expensive ass underground piping issues your house might randomly get, or the heater/appliances dying out, the insurances. i already am away from home 50-60 hours a week for work, i don't want to be spending more money on a place i'm gone from that often and having to deal with things like shoveling, maintenance, in my downtime, all just for more space and a portionary ROI. owning is great if it fits your lifestyle but don't think as a single 30 year old dude you're wasting your time if you aren't doing it. hell the highest reason i'd enjoy having a house is so i could own a dog but living alone it'd be lame having him alone so much anyway and in a small apartment i'm able to have 6 pets between a couple cats and cage pets which fits a single lifestyle better anyway.
i could pay a mortgage with my rent but then i'd have to pay so much more in utilities, have bills out the ass anytime anything breaks, you know what i do now? call a number and someone fixes it immediately, no charge no hassle. those unexpected expensive ass underground piping issues your house might randomly get, or the heater/appliances dying out, the insurances. i already am away from home 50-60 hours a week for work, i don't want to be spending more money on a place i'm gone from that often and having to deal with things like shoveling, maintenance, in my downtime, all just for more space and a portionary ROI. owning is great if it fits your lifestyle but don't think as a single 30 year old dude you're wasting your time if you aren't doing it. hell the highest reason i'd enjoy having a house is so i could own a dog but living alone it'd be lame having him alone so much anyway and in a small apartment i'm able to have 6 pets between a couple cats and cage pets which fits a single lifestyle better anyway.
Even as a married with kid person with a mortgage, we're discussing renting again for a variety of reasons.
The "why would I throw money at an apartment when I pay my parents money anyways" argument is just an excuse to stay in a comfort zone. Renting isn't wasted money if it affords you a freedom to your lifestyle that you didn't have before.
Again, there's nothing wrong with living with roommates either, and it's not the same as living with your parents. It makes you grow in totally different ways, all of which are good for your independence long term.
The "why would I throw money at an apartment when I pay my parents money anyways" argument is just an excuse to stay in a comfort zone. Renting isn't wasted money if it affords you a freedom to your lifestyle that you didn't have before.
Again, there's nothing wrong with living with roommates either, and it's not the same as living with your parents. It makes you grow in totally different ways, all of which are good for your independence long term.
Is your house the only non drug fiend and dealer place where you live?
I used to think like that as well prior to being a homeowner but constant rent hikes and moving grew tiresome.
The nail in the coffin was when I was greeted with a certified foreclosure notice in a beautiful house I was renting.
SonicXtreme
Member
well you have a family though iirc, for a single guy you better be really wanting a home if you're gonna buy one.
at 30 i definitely wouldn't live with random people though; in college it was worth it for the growing experience (although there was as much suck as there were positives), but man at 30 i wouldn't recommend rooming with anyone unless you knew them or you really know you'll get along with them
Sakura
Member
I'll be 27 next month and I've been living at home almost my whole life. I lived a year on my own when I was overseas on a working holiday visa, but that's it. I pay about 100 bucks a month, buy all my own food and stuff, and pay my own internet.
Living on my own is too expensive here in Canada. The highest paying job I've ever had is about 24k a year, and the cheapest place I would be able to get would probably be about 700 a month. Add on utilities and that's half my income gone right there. Not really worth it for me.
Sure, I could get a roommate and pay maybe only half that, but that isn't really living on your own is it? What's the difference between living with a roommate and living with your parents?
Don't get me wrong, I would much prefer to live on my own if it was more affordable, but I'd rather save the hundreds of dollars each month and just live at home. I don't really understand the people who move out for the sake of moving out (unless of course they have a bad relationship with their parents etc).
Living on my own is too expensive here in Canada. The highest paying job I've ever had is about 24k a year, and the cheapest place I would be able to get would probably be about 700 a month. Add on utilities and that's half my income gone right there. Not really worth it for me.
Sure, I could get a roommate and pay maybe only half that, but that isn't really living on your own is it? What's the difference between living with a roommate and living with your parents?
Don't get me wrong, I would much prefer to live on my own if it was more affordable, but I'd rather save the hundreds of dollars each month and just live at home. I don't really understand the people who move out for the sake of moving out (unless of course they have a bad relationship with their parents etc).
Yeah, no. That money you're saving really isn't worth spending ten years of your adult life living a sheltered and co-dependent existence underneath your parent's roof, if you ask me.
I think that for many people it's the initial step that's the hardest part. People are so afraid to step out of their comfort zone that they'll actually rationalize to themselves that a few extra dollars in a savings account is worth more than actually having a place you can call your own. To me, partly thanks to the socialist west european environment I grew up in, that's just a very difficult idea to swallow. Life is way too short to be living a third of it at the graces of your parents.
*Raises hand* 27 and live with my 30 year old brother and my mom. Living in NYC with roommates is tough espcially when you're in the process of working on your career and saving money. I have no shame living at home since I have my own room and pay bills like the average person. My mom is cool with bringing dates over. I'm at that point where I'm in transition between doing free work, looking for internships, and discovering things that I would love to do as a profession.
You answered your own question OP; take the time to discover stuff you like to do and look for a better job that will leave more income to be able to fly the nest. Until then, save money, take a vacation, and invest it. If girls look down upon it, then they can take a hike. It's really not a huge deal at all.
Sakura
Member
What exactly is wrong with a 'sheltered and co-dependent existence'? If you're happier that way, what difference does it make? As long as you are working, happy with yourself, etc who cares whether you move out at 30 instead of 20?
I don't know why there is so much stigma in certain western cultures about living with your parents. In many other cultures in the world it is totally normal, and people don't seem to suffer for it.
When I tried living on my own for the first time, the only difference was I had more privacy, but paid more money. I didn't change, or 'grow' as a person. It wasn't difficult or challenging. I already paid rent living at home, now I was paying more rent. Big whoop. I feel the importance and impact of moving out is grossly over-exaggerated.
ZackieChan
Member
They are both inherently negative things. I dunno, maybe this thread is just too Millennial for me. I went to a two-year college specifically so I could start working and get the hell out of my Mom's house when I was younger. I moved out at 19.
As others have pointed out, we (Americans) have a culture that values independence from parents. It's just different - I don't know if one is necessarily better or worse, but certainly you learn a ton by moving out on your own. I've met a lot of girls in cultures where it's normal to stay at home until you get married, who have moved out to go to university and get a job in the city away from family. They're all generally happier to be away from controlling and sheltering parents than if they had stayed. Until you really know that independence and responsibility, you don't know what you're missing, I think. Also, I think buying a house is not always a smart idea due to the extraneous costs, so I see no problem with paying rental prices.
For those that don't have enough money, isn't there any way you could freelance or do some other kind of work to make it happen? Or move somewhere cheaper?
Head of Vengarl
Banned
Because Americans value freedom over everything else.
Freedom from royalty. Freedom from England. Freedom to carry guns. Freedom from your parents.
ZackieChan
Member
Because Americans value freedom over everything else.
Freedom from royalty. Freedom from England. Freedom to carry guns. Freedom from your parents.
Is that such a bad thing?
Sakura
Member
I don't understand this idea that you can't have freedom or independence while living with your parents. Some people are acting like you are somehow 'wasting' your 20s living at home. What the heck is the difference? I still do what I want, go out when I want, stay up as late as I want, sleep when I want, see friends when I want. My mom doesn't cook me food, or do my laundry or wash my dishes or pay my bills. When I lived on my own, there was zero real difference in freedom or independence for me, just increased bills.
Yes, if you have controlling or sheltering parents then I can understand the desire to move away. I know other people who have lived with their parents in their 20s, but still had rules about how late they could stay up etc. But not every body is like that, and it is weird to see people talking like you have to move out and struggle to make ends meet in order to grow as a person.
Don't get me wrong, I would prefer to live on my own for the extra privacy and not having to do tasks for my mother, and I will hopefully be moving out again next month. But I really don't think there is anything wrong with living with your parents and saving money.
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