Support NeoGAF

[KevinCow]

Well, "went to" a party isn't really the right way of saying it. I was visiting a friend in another state and staying at his place, and he hosted a party, so the party just sorta coalesced around me.

It was awful. The only person I knew was busy hosting the party, so I was just trapped in an enclosed space with a bunch of random strangers. They were all socializing, drinking, and dancing, but since I didn't know anyone, don't drink, and don't dance, I didn't know what to do. We had Street Fighter V on for a little bit at the beginning of the party so I participated in that, but then someone kicked us off and took over the TV. After that, I pretty much just found the closest thing there was to a quiet corner and literally sat there doing nothing but watching people for the next hour. Then I decided to pull out my phone and browse GAF and hope people left soon for the rest of the night. The party didn't really disperse until 2 am.

And the worst thing was, since I was staying where the party was, I couldn't leave. There was nowhere else I could go. I was trapped.

I don't understand how people can have fun at parties like this. What are you supposed to do if you don't know anyone? And even if you do know someone, wouldn't you rather go somewhere quieter where you can converse at a reasonable volume instead of trying to scream over everyone else?

Tell me I'm not alone in this and there are fellow shy introverts here on GAF to sympathize with me.

 

[Sky Saw]

Drink more.

 

[OnPoint]

Kind of a dick move on your friend's part to not introduce you to anyone.

 

[Gleethor]

Someone's gonna post the pic

 

[ClosingADoor]

The vodka helps for situations like this, but since you don't drink that is not much use.

Get your friend to introduce you next time to some people.

 

[Elitist1945]

My friend convinced me to go to a party once. I'm also socially awkward/have social anxiety, and up until that point I've never drank a single thing. But when people say being drunk helps, its fucking true. I was talking to random people I never met before and was having a good time.

Obviously, I'm not saying you HAVE to drink, but for me it helped. You're definitely not alone.

 

[Markitron]

I didn't know anyone, don't drink, and don't dance, I didn't know what to do.

This is your problem right here.

 

[The Lamonster]

The idea is that if you're single, find a cute girl/guy to talk to. If you're not, you can hang with your SO. Drinking alcohol also really helps in these situations.

Couldn't you walk to a coffee shop or diner or something?

Kind of a dick move on your friend's part to not introduce you to anyone.

This too. What the fuck?

 

[Azalean]

Tell me I'm not alone in this and there are fellow shy introverts here on GAF to sympathize with me.

You're definitely not alone. I'm really socially inept and I hate it. Wish I could just talk to people easily but it's difficult for me unless I really know the person.

 

[paragonpro]

I know the feeling as a fellow introvert. Seeing as how you dont drink I cant tell you to get drunk enough to the point of fake confidence, my go to strategy at events like this. But what incan tell you is that as someone whose been in your situation quite a few times. Its often best to force yourself outside of your comfort zone. Bud into conversations, introduce yourself. If one or two out of however manu people think your a weirdo for doing so than so be it, they werent worth your time in the first place. Pretend to be an extrovert every now and then, and you may even have some fun!

 

[Sai-kun]

Someone post the pic, dammit

 

[entremet]

Practice and put yourself in more social situations.

It's a muscle, so it atrophies without use.

If you have trouble starting conversations, just ask questions.

"How did you find about this party?"

"How do you know the host?"

As an introvert, you're probably a better listener, so find people who love to talk and just listen. But don't just pepper people with questions ad nausea. Relate, share, laugh.

 

[acheron_xl]

I would've gone for a walk in that situation.

 

[jmood88]

Kind of a dick move on your friend's part to not introduce you to anyone.

They were hosting a party, they can't be expected to hold the dude's hand and spend an inordinate amount of time doing what he should be doing on his own.

 

[gamma]

 

[KRaZyAmmo]

I also have a hard time talking to people. I don't like that I'm shy when meeting new people. I wish I could talk to people easily , but it's hard if I don't know that person very well.

 

[Violence Jack]

I've been in situations exactly like this. It really sucks when you don't drink since the alcohol removes my social anxiety. In the times that I didn't drink, I made sure to have something distract me which was usually my phone and either playing a game or watching YouTube clips.

I hate meeting new people because I never know what to say or how to keep a conversation going.

 

[weemadarthur]

There are many options.

A) find a quiet room where talking is feasible. Chat with one person at a time when they need a break from the dancing.
B) take pleasure in people watching. Try to figure out by body language which people are enjoying themselves, which people are pushed to being with someone they don't even like, etc.
C) dance! It's fine to dance alone, and it's fine to suck at it. If you're having fun and show it, people will generally not be too harsh about your skill level if you don't claim to be awesome.
D) sometimes you need a real break from the crowd. Go in the bedroom and shut the door. This is the only place it's ok to read, or be on your device. It's offensively antisocial to do that in company.

 

[the1npc]

next time have a few drinks man. also your buddy should have introduced you at least

 

[Misha]

Have you ever joined a community thread on GAF? How did you get to talking to the other people in it? They were probably having their own conversations and you sorta have to insert yourself into it without being too imposing. After a bit of conversation, it'll seem like you've always been a part of it and people won't think anything of the fact that you just sorta butted in. Of course you want to listen more than respond but if you look engaged and have something to say on occasion they tend to respond positively

noise though, tough luck. it tires me out a lot. I just try my best to not pay attention to anything in particular and worry less about picking the right thing to say. Having less things to focus on makes it easier to not get worn out by all the things going on

 

[entremet]

Also being introverted has nothing to do with social skills.

It's a common misconception.

Loud environments and overstimulation may overwhelm you. But social skills are learnable.

 

[cyborgnumberblue]

take medication for your problem.

 

[PBY]

I've been in situations exactly like this. It really sucks when you don't drink since the alcohol removes my social anxiety. In the times that I didn't drink, I made sure to have something distract me which was usually my phone and either playing a game or watching YouTube clips.

I hate meeting new people because I never know what to say or how to keep a conversation going.

I don't want to knock you - because we all handle situations differently - but i strongly disagree with watching phone videos or playing phone games as a solution here.

 

[jadedm17]

I don't enjoy parties, but to say you don't see how people could enjoy them is strange.

They're people like you, say words and questions, at best you make a new friend or lover, at worst youre weird for a few moments and never see them again. The risk-reward seems worth it to me.

Drink a little : Let's say two or three drinks next time.

PS. 2AM? Sounds like a mild party to me.

 

[Oxn]

I use to be sort of like the OP, maybe not to that extreme. But as long as I get some proper introductions now, i can carry on from there.

Your situation just sucked.

 

[lastplayed]

Also being introverted has nothing to do with social skills.

It's a common misconception.

Loud environments and overstimulation may overwhelm you. But social skills are learnable.

This.

I've always been an introvert but I'm not shy. I'll go talk to people, it just feels exhausting being in a party situation.

 

[Skeyser]

They were hosting a party, they can't be expected to hold the dude's hand and spend an inordinate amount of time doing what he should be doing on his own.

Inordinate amount of time? Introducing someone takes a minute

 

[linsivvi]

I don't understand how people can have fun at parties like this. What are you supposed to do if you don't know anyone? And even if you do know someone, wouldn't you rather go somewhere quieter where you can converse at a reasonable volume instead of trying to scream over everyone else?

You don't know any of us either, and you're talking to us.

It's just something you will have to learn to overcome.

 

[emb]

I don't really get how people open up conversations either. Always feels like I'm being nosy.

In your case I'd have probably tried to keep a conversation going with the Street Fighter players you were fighting. Not talk about SF all night, but at least have something in common to start from, make friends, and then hopefully meet their friends. So on until you're integrated with the rest of the world.

 

[The Lamonster]

This.

I've always been an introvert but I'm not shy. I'll go talk to people, it just feels exhausting being in a party situation.

This is exactly what it's like to be an introvert. You can be the life of the party but you can't be there all night and if you are, you need a couple days to recover.

 

[Kurtofan]

Drink more.

I don't drink

 

[studyguy]

Drink a bit or muster up some courage. Being in a social setting means you have to engage. People aren't scary, small talk is only scary assuming you give a shit about the strangers at a party you'll probably never see again.

 

[Strangelove77]

If you actually want to socialize more, you should probably drink a bit of alcohol. It'll help a bit.
But more than that, thrusting yourself forcefully into crowded situations where you have to interact because the alternative is worse is the only real permanent solution. Attend places with a lot of people and consider jobs where you have to deal with people. Personally, working retail and the service industry beat the shyness out of me for the most part.

But if you like the way you are and just want to be alone, then I imagine it's a life youve led for a very long time and so you've found ways to entertain yourself without the need of human interaction. So do that. Never mind what people think. Be antisocial if that's what you enjoy being.


Aaaaaand I'm ranting.

 

[Greddleok]

This is called being shy and socially awkward, not being an introvert.

 

[dskillzhtown]

This part confuses me -

We had Street Fighter V on for a little bit at the beginning of the party so I participated in that

So you had to have been playing with people there, right? So that was your in, you are telling me that you didn't say a word to anyone as you were playing or waiting to play? So you were social for a minute, but once the video games were over did you decide you didn't want anything to do with anyone else there?

 

[Oxn]

I don't drink

Then learn to.

 

[Orbis]

It's tough. I usually try to skip things like this because alcohol is literally the only thing that stops me being super introverted, and I don't really like to drink. At work events I usually head off as early as possible because, while it's nice to chat to everyone for a bit, I run out of things to say.

To describe the effect of alcohol for me, after just 1 or 2 drinks I can talk to absolutely anyone. Even people I've never spoken to. I can only dream of that level of confidence in normal life. I just don't like the slight disconnection from reality you get.

 

[TraBuch]

They were hosting a party, they can't be expected to hold the dude's hand and spend an inordinate amount of time doing what he should be doing on his own.

"Hey, this is my buddy Mike, he's visiting from out of state, Mike this is Sarah."

 

[Domino Theory]

I'm a big introvert, too, but I get gregarious as fuck just having two drinks.

 

[cdyhybrid]

Just talk to people.

Ask them how they know your friend and go from there.

 

[Boy Wander]

They were hosting a party, they can't be expected to hold the dude's hand and spend an inordinate amount of time doing what he should be doing on his own.

You could argue that part of his duty as a host, not fucking least a friend, would be to introduce his friend who is visiting from out of state, to some new people.

 

[studyguy]

Just talk to people.

Ask them how they know your friend and go from there.

How do you know ____ or a simple what did you do last _____ is like the easiest conversation starter ever. It doesn't have to go long on that topic, people generally talk about themselves a fuckload.

 

[akidnamededdy]

Why do you not drink? If it's for medical or religious reasons or whatever that's fine, but otherwise I would say you should really consider grabbing one. You don't need to get blitzed either--even just one drink helps loosen the socializing muscles, I've found. Barring alcohol, drink a soda. The caffeine and sugar will give you a bit of a rush too.

I was like this into my early twenties. Very shy, very quiet. One day something just snapped inside of me and I realized I really wasn't having any fun in the corner by myself.

It can be exciting to push out of your comfort zone for a little while. Pick a target and introduce yourself, ask a couple basic questions. Don't talk about yourself unless they ask you. Shout if you must. Shouting is unfortunately part of socializing as a young adult. If they respond, keep talking. If not, move on to your next target. If you start to feel overwhelmed, step out onto the patio or go for a walk--but come back when you've calmed down.

 

[Oxn]

You could argue that part of his duty as a host, not fucking least a friend, would be to introduce his friend who is visiting from out of state, to some new people.

Yea being the out of state guy, hes got such a good opener.

 

[OnPoint]

OP, don't drink if you don't want to. People who say that have no right to tell you what you should or shouldn't do when it comes to alcohol intake. It's true that it might loosen you up, but you do what's best for you and figure out how best to attack a party with your alcohol preference intact.

They were hosting a party, they can't be expected to hold the dude's hand and spend an inordinate amount of time doing what he should be doing on his own.

Please. I've hosted a party or two in my day. I don't expect them to do a personalized intro with every guest. But if someone's new to a group you gotta try to get the ball rolling for someone somewhere and let them take it from there. And while I don't know how close they are, there's a good chance the friend should know the OP is an introvert that doesn't drink, lending further need to maybe give a slight leg up to someone who has trouble in social situations. Sometimes you need a little situational awareness as a host. I can't imagine a sober introvert is gonna have a great time with an apartment full of people they don't know minus one person.

 

[brawly]

Drinking is a must in that case. I'm similar but I bloom when I'm drunk. And it doesn't take a hole lot either as I'm not used to it.

 

[Morgan Blackhand]

Drink more alcohol and do some speed or coke. That will get the party started.

 

[Commander Jameson]

Your experience is very similar to how I feel about parties (particularly those where I don't know many people). Like you, I don't drink and struggle to work out how to get into a conversation (either join an existing one or start one). Another problem is that I find it hard to hear voices at a party over music. I can hear the music really clearly but struggle with voices.

You'll get a lot of "Why don't you just drink?" and "Just go up and start a conversation with someone." comments, but I understand that you don't want to do the former (for whatever reason) and you find it so hard to do the latter.

 

[Finaj]

Why do you not drink? If it's for medical or religious reasons or whatever that's fine, but otherwise I would say you should really consider grabbing one. You don't need to get blitzed either--even just one drink helps loosen the socializing muscles, I've found. Barring alcohol, drink a soda. The caffeine and sugar will give you a bit of a rush too.

I was like this into my early twenties. Very shy, very quiet. One day something just snapped inside of me and I realized I really wasn't having any fun in the corner by myself.

It can be exciting to push out of your comfort zone for a little while. Pick a target and introduce yourself, ask a couple basic questions. Don't talk about yourself unless they ask you. Shout if you must. Shouting is unfortunately part of socializing as a young adult. If they respond, keep talking. If not, move on to your next target. If you start to feel overwhelmed, step out onto the patio or go for a walk--but come back when you've calmed down.

While I'm not the OP, I don't drink alcohol because of the taste. For me, it ruins everything it touches. Can't even drink a mud slide.

 

[Sol..]

I haven't been trapped like this, but i've been close. In the event I get trapped I have a back up plan to try to start games or hang around the exiled smokers/fresh air people. They tend to initiate small talk or at the very least you get to be in a quiet place where it looks less weird that you are standing around alone.