I went to a party on Friday and being a shy introvert sucks

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Op, life is short. Don't waste it wondering what might have been.

Don't wait for someone to introduce you, instead introduce yourself.

If you're an introvert you can easily fake being an extrovert for such a short period of time.

"You are whoever you pretend to be"
 
OnPoint said:
Please. I've hosted a party or two in my day. I don't expect them to do a personalized intro with every guest. But if someone's new to a group you gotta try to get the ball rolling for someone somewhere and let them take it from there. And while I don't know how close they are, there's a good chance the friend should know the OP is an introvert that doesn't drink, lending further need to maybe give a slight leg up to someone who has trouble in social situations. Sometimes you need a little situational awareness as a host. I can't imagine a sober introvert is gonna have a great time with an apartment full of people they don't know minus one person.
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IMO, if the host saw the OP playing SF5 with everyone early on, it is possible he figured he was good. At that point the OP made the decision to remove himself from all social aspects of the night. If I am the host, I can't force dude to be social.
 
Read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

I used to be you, I would stick to a corner or just go and play with my kids.

I was at a party a few months ago and I tried the suggestions in the book (basically ask people about themselves and they will talk forever). A few days later the strangers I met all commented to the host how much they liked me.

I still took time to go and play games with the kids in the basement. I can't do hours of interaction without a break.
 
Markitron said:
This is your problem right here.
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It really isn't. If he doesn't want to drink for whatever reason that might be, he should not be pressured into doing so just to "have fun" at a party. I'm also a shy introvert and absolutely nothing about that changes with any amount of alcohol.

But then again, I feel like alcohol is basically useless to me. I feel absolutely no difference after a bunch of beers or whatever and the only time I feel the effects of it is when I've had so much that it's hard to walk straight. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
Finaj said:
While I'm not the OP, I don't drink alcohol because of the taste. For me, it ruins everything it touches. Can't even drink a mud slide.
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That's how my wife is too. She'll have one piña colada maaaaybe every six months or so, but nothing more than that. That said, she did have a tequila shot and a cherry vodka sour on our first date. Sometimes you've just gotta grin and bear it I guess, lol
 
Weren't you able to break the ice with the people playing SFV?

It's all about looking for a good "in" for a conversation. Either maybe overhearing a topic you're well versed in and non-obnoxiously wedging yourself in, or commenting on something some people might be observing. I'm pretty introverted, but this has worked for me in the past pretty well to the point I've made good friends I still talk to today.

You could have also stepped out for a walk, sometimes I need a breather from socializing too.
 
I don't think I've ever been to a party by myself.

If that were the case I'd probably just start talking to someone or a group of people. It's kinda easy when you just say something like "hey I don't know anybody here so I'm gonna bother you people if that's alright", which then can lead to "how do you know (host)" "where are you guys from" "what do you guys do".

Most people aren't just going to shit all over someone for coming up to them and trying to talk especially at a party where everyone should generally be open to socializing.
 
kendrid said:
Read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

I used to be you, I would stick to a corner or just go and play with my kids.

I was at a party a few months ago and I tried the suggestions in the book (basically ask people about themselves and they will talk forever). A few days later the strangers I met all commented to the host how much they liked me.

I still took time to go and play games with the kids in the basement. I can't do hours of interaction without a break.
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That book has the corniest title ever, mostly since the source material is very old, but the principles are solid and still very relevant and applicable today.
 
dskillzhtown said:
IMO, if the host saw the OP playing SF5 with everyone early on, it is possible he figured he was good. At that point the OP made the decision to remove himself from all social aspects of the night. If I am the host, I can't force dude to be social.
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Who knows what the situation was before games... but once you're into the game playing with other people, though, it's up to the OP to socialize, I agree. That's a missed opportunity.
 
Yeah this really has nothing to do with being an introvert.

I'm an introvert but enjoy parties every once and a while. Your situation was actually better since you were there at the "start" of the party, meaning you can introduce yourself to people in a smaller environment as they started filtering in.

Depending on age, just start with basic ice breakers...where they work, live, go to school, etc. Then you fine common interests and go from there.

Obviously it's not going to "click" right away if you're socially awkward around people. It just takes practice and doing it more and more, like everything else.

Sorry to hear you had a lousy time. It's possible his friend group just didn't click with your personality, too. It happens. Don't let this experience turn you away from every party in the future.
 
akidnamededdy said:
Why do you not drink? If it's for medical or religious reasons or whatever that's fine, but otherwise I would say you should really consider grabbing one. You don't need to get blitzed either--even just one drink helps loosen the socializing muscles, I've found. Barring alcohol, drink a soda. The caffeine and sugar will give you a bit of a rush too.

I was like this into my early twenties. Very shy, very quiet. One day something just snapped inside of me and I realized I really wasn't having any fun in the corner by myself.

It can be exciting to push out of your comfort zone for a little while. Pick a target and introduce yourself, ask a couple basic questions. Don't talk about yourself unless they ask you. Shout if you must. Shouting is unfortunately part of socializing as a young adult. If they respond, keep talking. If not, move on to your next target. If you start to feel overwhelmed, step out onto the patio or go for a walk--but come back when you've calmed down.
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Hate the taste.

The few times I've powered through the taste just to see what it's like to be drunk, I felt nothing but dizzy.

And I have an addictive personality and I'd rather not become an alcoholic.
 
Finaj said:
While I'm not the OP, I don't drink alcohol because of the taste. For me, it ruins everything it touches. Can't even drink a mud slide.
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Do shots. Five seconds of misery and you're good to go.

OP do you have any interesting stories? If not make up a couple. Always good to have that sort of thing in your back pocket. Ask lots of questions.
 
Eh parties suck. For me there's a single digit number of people in the entire world I can even have a conversation with and I have no desire or drive to even attempt at increasing that number.

Personally I'd just drink their booze and leave.
 
All the ''I hate the taste'' people, it's not particularly hard to make drinks that taste sweet and still get you drunk.
 
OnPoint said:
OP, don't drink if you don't want to. People who say that have no right to tell you what you should or shouldn't do when it comes to alcohol intake. It's true that it might loosen you up, but you do what's best for you and figure out how best to attack a party with your alcohol preference intact.



Please. I've hosted a party or two in my day. I don't expect them to do a personalized intro with every guest. But if someone's new to a group you gotta try to get the ball rolling for someone somewhere and let them take it from there. And while I don't know how close they are, there's a good chance the friend should know the OP is an introvert that doesn't drink, lending further need to maybe give a slight leg up to someone who has trouble in social situations. Sometimes you need a little situational awareness as a host. I can't imagine a sober introvert is gonna have a great time with an apartment full of people they don't know minus one person.
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The guy said he started off playing games, so he had the opportunity to introduce himself to people who shared at least one interest.
 
I'd like to emphasize that you do not have to drink, despite what some other GAFers are recommending (though I don't think everyone is serious).

As a fellow introvert, my advice to you is to not be shy. If you can't engage with already existing conversations because of lack of common ground, maybe find one or two people alone not really doing much and introduce yourself. Any situation meeting someone like this is innately awkward for both parties but you can dispel that in your introduction just by demonstrating social awareness of that awkwardness and by being friendly. And if you don't hit it off with them there are other people there.

Someone else already mentioned this, but being an introvert doesn't restrict you from social interactions most people engage in. It requires more work, esp. because you're not used to it, but - just in case you are - it's not healthy to tell yourself otherwise.
 
I can totally relate.

I drink very little, maybe 2 or 3 ciders and then I move on to soda. It can take me 3 hours just to get through the ciders. I never enjoy these events and usually ending up being more tense, stressed and my defences go up. I am also usually first to leave at around midnight as my tolerance to loud, annoying music can only last so long.

I prefer a few friends with low level music and having a chat. Pity I am the only one among my few friends who love it.

Being introvert is hell especially trying to meet someone and only ending up only talking to people you know. My dating scene has been dead the last number of years.
 
Don't take the drinking advice.

It's always awful advice honestly.

Drink because you like it or have fun being tipsy or drunk in safe situations. Not because you need a social crutch.

You want to develop these skills in sober situations. They will help you beyond gatherings.
 
KevinCow said:
Hate the taste.

The few times I've powered through the taste just to see what it's like to be drunk, I felt nothing but dizzy.

And I have an addictive personality and I'd rather not become an alcoholic.
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You can acquire the taste. But I'm afraid alcohol is not the solution. For example I get even more quiet when drunk, and also not in all social situations is alcohol available.

Where do you live? There are groups where people like you and me meet to improve their social skills
 
You should have stolen your flatmate's Credit Card and ordered a Donkey Show Stripper for the party.

That would have at least gotten everyone focused on the same thing - or cleared out the room.

Either way, it's a win.
 
Yeah I don't drink anymore, so parties and bars are kinda depressing.

Nowadays I just go to them to watch UFC events, because then I have shit to talk about. Usually I know people though. You said you were playing games, so you could've talked about that to whoever you were playing with before the TV got taken over.

Also, what I find works is to ask people broad questions like "you from around here?" or "what do you do?", as cliche as that sounds. Then keep asking relative questions. Most people like talking about themselves, so if you act like you're interested in what they have to say (even if you aren't), they'll think you're cool lol.
 
Did you have access to transportation (or was there anything within walking distance)? I would have very much bailed and found somewhere else to be for at least a while, though I know you said the gathering continued well past midnight.
 
KevinCow said:
They were all socializing, drinking, and dancing, but since I didn't know anyone, don't drink, and don't dance, I didn't know what to do.
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If you tend to be socially awkward, find a good social lubricant. If you don't drink, find something else that gets you more acquainted with strangers. It doesn't need to be alcohol, but anything that helps you loosen up would work. Plus, you should just groove to whatever jam they got on. I don't dance, but I can get going with a song that I like even if I do look like a fool bustin' a groove.

Another tip that might help in the future. If you're people watching, look for that other person who either seems to be in the same or a similar situation. I'm sure you weren't the only one there who wasn't super into partying that night.
 
Seriously? Not one "you must be fun at parties" gag post? Ya'll slipping.

Your friend at the very least should introduce fringe friends to larger groups. It's how you get your friend groups to sorta get along and prevent your parties from becoming too cliquey.

But seriously, parties aren't terribly hard when you don't drink or don't care to dance. Grab a Solo cup, fill it with ice and diet coke, and walk over to where a drinking game is taking place. Watch for a while, comment on the proceedings to anyone who'd bother to listen. Go to the dance floor. Comment on the music to anyone who will bother to listen. Go to the kitchen where there might be a conversation taking place. Hang out on the fringe. Interject if you feel you can contribute. Make frequent trips to the snack table. Inquire about the maker/bringer of any particularly interesting foods. Go to the TV. Ask them to throw on *insert funny or interesting show _____*. Marvel as someone will inevitably go, "Hey, I love _____! Have you seen other _____?"

Once every 45 minutes or so, find your friend. Randomly insert yourself in whatever circle he's talking in. If he's not a complete weirdo, he'll introduce you. Be prepared to answer the easy questions. How do you know the friend? Where did you guys meet? How long are you in town for? What are you doing while you're here? How awesome/boring is your hometown? What do you do? Have any embarrassing stories about the friend?

Staying on your phone can make you look busy for short lapses, but if you're there for an hour, it just makes you look lonely and sad. And no one wants to talk to people who are lonely and sad.
 
you don't drink and people at party drink = learn how to make killer cocktails/ serve drinks

you don't dance and people at party dance = bring a usb with a good playlist/ spotify whatever , you don't have to be the best dj in the world for a house party

etc etc etc
 
So your friend just left you in the corner for the entire party without talking to you or introducing you to anybody?

Lol
 
I just hang out with the other outcasts (conversation optional). Otherwise, I just look at my phone. You have no obligation to make friends, and there's no need to make conversation just so people don't think less of you for being an introvert.
 
Kurtofan said:
I don't know drinking doesn't seem like a good habit to take.
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You dont seem like the type that goes to alot of parties though. SO the only real time you will really drink is when you do. Doesnt sound like much of a habit.

Lesath said:
I just hang out with the other outcasts (conversation optional). Otherwise, I just look at my phone. You have no obligation to make friends, and there's no need to make conversation just so people don't think less of you for being an introvert.
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Which begs the question of why are you even there? Also no one is talking about obligation. The point of being at a party is to socialize. If you dont want to socialize, then either dont, or leave if you dont want to be there.
 
This reminds me of when I had to attend a bar(first time ever) as part of a club activity participation (I'm in college). First time I ever went with random people to a bar. It was terrible. I did't drink and I ignored the beautiful girls that went with us. I made the excuse I had to study for exams and left within 20 minutes. Never again. But at least I got the participation grade.
 
I never liked going to parties with friends. We'd go together and then split off for no reason and most of the time no one would pair up with me. No one would help me talk to anyone and I'd just drink beer by myself either outside or somewhere comfy where I could chill on my own. It didn't help that I was the fat one in the group and very shy about myself. I guess to them, I would ruin their chances at talking to a girl if I was around.

Now that you bring this up, I'm kinda nervous about camping to Beyond Wonderland by myself again. I got lucky last year and met some great folks, but they introduced themselves to me first. I didn't go up to them at first because I didn't wanna weird them out and they later told me earlier that someone came up to them whey they barely got there asking to help them set up their camp. They though it was a narc, so I figured then it would be better to let people come up to you instead, but I don't feel like that will happen this week when I go camping out there again.

If there's one thing I've learned is to make friend with the person (people) that are giving out the liquor and visit them often. Works great for me when I go to the company Christmas parties.
 
johancruijff said:
you don't drink and people at party drink = learn how to make killer cocktails/ serve drinks

you don't dance and people at party dance = bring a usb with a good playlist/ spotify whatever , you don't have to be the best dj in the world for a house party

etc etc etc
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I disagree with the second one. If you don't know anyone at a party, don't make the presumption that they are going to like the same kind of music that you do. Don't just walk into a party and appoint yourself the DJ, especially if people are already enjoying the music and dancing or whatever. It's a great way to completely kill a party.
 
Woody Invincible said:
I'm just as socially awkward and shy as many as you, but give me a few beers, and holy shit, I won't shut the fuck up, and I'm everybody's best friend.
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I wish I was the same. I have a great fear of getting drunk and cut myself off over 2 or 3 and end up more stressed and closed off.
 
I avoid parties, if I had been in your situation I would have just walked outside and gone to a park or somewhere else.

I dont drink and I can't stand loud music.
 
SpinningBirdKick said:
"You are whoever you pretend to be"
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the-iron-giant.gif
 
Such heavy-handed suggestions to drink. It will be looked back at like smoking in the future.
You have two options: Try to enjoy it. Or try to avoid it.
I would have taken the "take a walk somewhere else" suggestion. There's no obligation to anyone else.
 
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