I went to a party on Friday and being a shy introvert sucks

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LyleLanley said:
This sounds like you've been drunk before.
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Not really. Never gotten that euphoria people are after, never done stupid stuff, never had memory loss, never ended up falling asleep on some couch or something like that. I've seen plenty enough of drunk people to know I've never been there. My intoxication works like this: I get slightly buzzed and slightly talkative after my first and second beer. Third, I start to have blurred vision and get dizzy. I'm keenly aware of this as it's happening, by the way, and I actually tend to get less talkative as a result. It's like a flu or motion sickness. Fourth beer and I get stomach cramps and nausea. If I'm stupid enough to down a fifth beer it's off to the toilet and game over for the night. Same thing if I'm stupid enough to drink more than one shot of anything.

If that's what being drunk is like I can't for the life of me understand why people do it voluntarily. It's like I'm poisoning myself. At best you could say I've been "bad drunk" but never been "good drunk" but believe me, I tried plenty of ways to get "good drunk" in my early twenties to realise that there probable aren't any. Seemingly runs in the family - my dad is the same.
 
Yeah I'm not a social butterfly either. I could walk up to anyone and talk...if I actually had shit to say. But that's why I always bring someone. I wouldn't even go to a friends party that they're hosting if I had no one to go with, since they'll probably be the busiest person there. They'll either know everybody there, or have a mutual friend of the people they don't know.

Being drunk helps though. You'll talk about any stupid thing.
 
Nivash said:
Not really. Never gotten that euphoria people are after, never done stupid stuff, never had memory loss, never ended up falling asleep on some couch or something like that. I've seen plenty enough of drunk people to know I've never been there. My intoxication works like this: I get slightly buzzed and slightly talkative after my first and second beer. Third, I start to have blurred vision and get dizzy. I'm keenly aware of this as it's happening, by the way, and I actually tend to get less talkative as a result. It's like a flu or motion sickness. Fourth beer and I get stomach cramps and nausea. If I'm stupid enough to down a fifth beer it's off to the toilet and game over for the night. Same thing if I'm stupid enough to drink more than one shot of anything.

If that's what being drunk is like I can't for the life of me understand why people do it voluntarily. It's like I'm poisoning myself. At best you could say I've been "bad drunk" but never been "good drunk" but believe me, I tried plenty of ways to get "good drunk" in my early twenties to realise that there probable aren't any. Seemingly runs in the family - my dad is the same.
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Yeah, that's what being drunk can be like. Also it's like poisoning yourself because that's what you're doing.
 
dity said:
Going out and getting shitfaced isn't overrated lame immature, it's boring. I usually only associate it with kids who've just reached legal drinking age and bored folk out in the country with absolutely nothing else to do.
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That's like, your opinion, man.

Getting shitfaced with close friends can be hilarious and fun. Especially if you're at a good club where there is good dancing/DJ. Dancing drunk with friends is fun. And if you're experienced, you can get shitfaced without getting sick or hungover the next morning. For me, one of my favorite life experiences was being drunk dancing on a small cruise going down the river circling Prague at night with a bunch of friends, just taking in the scenery and the thrill of youth. But sometimes it's also nice to just get wine drunk with friends at home while eating pizza and watching a funny movie like Bridesmaids or Mean Girls. This all depends on the person, though.
 
LyleLanley said:
Yeah, that's what being drunk can be like. Also it's like poisoning yourself because that's what you're doing.
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In which case I stand by my statement that it's absurd that people do it voluntarily. I guess they're all masochists. Or more likely, they actually get something out of it I don't. Look, I'm not trying to claim some kind of moral high ground here, I'm just saying that I've never been able to get anywhere near as drunk as most people seem to prefer to be on a night out. I'm not sure why you're so skeptical of this. My point is that not everyone reacts the same way to alcohol which means that it's not a panacea for social awkardness for everyone.
 
Myriadis said:
It's kinda strange in my case. I'm certainly not an extrovert and yet I have normally no big problem talking to people and find someone to talk with during parties. Yet it's sometimes incredibly hard to find a common ground when I try to smalltalk and it's gets kinda awkward. And even if the conversation might run well it gets increasingly more difficult the more people join in. Like I sometimes go to my neighbors and we talk and laugh about this and that, but as soon as the others come in the conversation shifts in so many ways that I cannot follow and I'm just the silent one now.
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Like many pointed out in this thread, being introverted doesn't mean you avoid socializing. From what I gather, you sound like me where you prefer more intimate conversations than small talk. I don't like small talk either but I get that it's a way to get to know some one.


So no, I don't consider it strange in your case.
 
Bloody_Five said:
1-It was extremely rude on your friend's part not to warn you that there was going to be a party and asking if you were comfortable with it. Also rude not to introduce you to anyone and make sure you had a good time. It is the duty of a good host.

2-Nothing wrong with being uncomfortable at loud parties populated with total strangers to whom you have not been introduced to.
That does not make you a shy introvert but just a normal human being.

In this situation:
1- Try to find someone who looks as bored and isolated as you are and try to start a conversation. After all you have already something in common.

2-Just do not put up with this.
Tell your friend how rude you think he is "May I have a word with you in private".
If a "friend" were to pull out something like this, I would cause me to terminate the relationship. I can't stand rude people with no social manners.
Then just leave the premises.
If you can, go to an hotel or to a youth hostel.
In any case, It's better for you self esteem to be out on the streets rather than feel like shit at a party.
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Oh GAF, what would I do without you?
 
Nivash said:
In which case I stand by my statement that it's absurd that people do it voluntarily. I guess they're all masochists. Or more likely, they actually get something out of it I don't. Look, I'm not trying to claim some kind of moral high ground here, I'm just saying that I've never been able to get anywhere near as drunk as most people seem to prefer to be on a night out. I'm not sure why you're so skeptical of this. My point is that not everyone reacts the same way to alcohol which means that it's not a panacea for social awkardness for everyone.
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I mostly just thought it was funny that you claimed that you'd never been drunk all while describing being drunk.
 
LyleLanley said:
I mostly just thought it was funny that you claimed that you'd never been drunk all while describing being drunk.
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Heh, maybe I was a bit unclear on the definitions. Could be a cultural and langauge thing - going on benders is kind of a big part of party culture over here, guess I've always felt that "drunk" is supposed to be pleasurable experience (until the next morning, at least) which it just isn't for me. So I suppose I have been drunk, I just seem to get all of the side effects and none of the gains.
 
The Lamp said:
That's like, your opinion, man.

Getting shitfaced with close friends can be hilarious and fun. Especially if you're at a good club where there is good dancing/DJ. Dancing drunk with friends is fun. And if you're experienced, you can get shitfaced without getting sick or hungover the next morning. For me, one of my favorite life experiences was being drunk dancing on a small cruise going down the river circling Prague at night with a bunch of friends, just taking in the scenery and the thrill of youth. But sometimes it's also nice to just get wine drunk with friends at home while eating pizza and watching a funny movie like Bridesmaids or Mean Girls. This all depends on the person, though.
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Like, no shit it's my opinion, but I will elaborate on the boring part: When your friends just want to do that every time you see them, and it's just the same old same old nonsense conversations sitting around a table at a bar stumbling around when they want to "dance" and the like... That's why I consider it boring. Eventually I just want to do something that doesn't devolve into that. When you spend every time you see your friends "taking it in" you realise there's nothing left to take in and you're just stuck. It gets boring after a while, that's my take on it.
 
Bloody_Five said:
1-It was extremely rude on your friend's part not to warn you that there was going to be a party and asking if you were comfortable with it. Also rude not to introduce you to anyone and make sure you had a good time. It is the duty of a good host.

2-Nothing wrong with being uncomfortable at loud parties populated with total strangers to whom you have not been introduced to.
That does not make you a shy introvert but just a normal human being.

In this situation:
1- Try to find someone who looks as bored and isolated as you are and try to start a conversation. After all you have already something in common.

2-Just do not put up with this.
Tell your friend how rude you think he is "May I have a word with you in private".
If a "friend" were to pull out something like this, I would cause me to terminate the relationship. I can't stand rude people with no social manners.
Then just leave the premises.
If you can, go to an hotel or to a youth hostel.
In any case, It's better for you self esteem to be out on the streets rather than feel like shit at a party.
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LOL that is so dramatic over a such a simple matter.
 
dity said:
Like, no shit it's my opinion, but I will elaborate on the boring part: When your friends just want to do that every time you see them, and it's just the same old same old nonsense conversations sitting around a table at a bar stumbling around when they want to "dance" and the like... That's why I consider it boring. Eventually I just want to do something that doesn't devolve into that. When you spend every time you see your friends "taking it in" you realise there's nothing left to take in and you're just stuck. It gets boring after a while, that's my take on it.
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Sounds like your problem is boring friends not alcohol being boring.
 
LyleLanley said:
Sounds like your problem is boring friends not alcohol being boring.
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Things are a lot more interesting with them when not trying to specifically get smashed. Getting smashed makes them more boring that actually doing something with a bit of alcohol involved too.
 
amanset said:
No, but it is a really quick solution to this specific problem. There's a reason people have been drinking alcohol for millennia and it has nothing to do with the taste.
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It seems Nivash and I share more or less the same view on this matter, so I'll quote him:

Nivash said:
[...] drinking is not a magical solution for everyone when it comes to socialising.
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I'm not saying you should never drink, if anyone wants to loosen up with a couple of beers, it's not a problem. But to give this advice whenever someone says they have trouble socializing an having fun at a party is just dumb in my opinion. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that.

amanset said:
Some of the replies here have been amusing though. People worried about alcoholism (because clearly this is an utterly binary situation), roofies, puking up over everyone, recommendation to stick to one or maybe two drinks ... Jesus. Am I the only person here that goes to parties where people get drunk, chat, maybe get off with each other and has a generally great time?
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The parties where I have fun are the parties where people are friendly, funny, engage in a chat, and drink... moderately. You know who's more annoying at a party than the shy person in the corner who's looking at his phone? The drunk person who's loud as hell and can't control themselves.
 
Man I see posts like this on GAF more often...it's pretty depressing.

Socializing is easy; just ask questions and feed off the material they give you. Be interested in people. Don't like the subjects they're talking about? Excuse yourself and find another person to talk to.

Your friend not introducing you is not an excuse. Yeah sure it would've been a nice gesture, but you're a mature person and should be able to handle yourself.

Google how to keep up a conversation if you're still not sure how to do it.
 
Do you wish you could talk to people OP? If that's what you desire, there are tools to help you out. Becoming more social isn't easy, but not impossible or hopeless.

Personally, I often get bored at parties and have severely cut down on drinking. Not my scene anymore.
 
Get out of that shell dude, just have a few drinks especially if you don't have to drive and just strike up a random conversation.
 
I used to be a shy introvert until I made the life changing decision to force more agency in my life and now I'm the most extroverted person I know!

I don't drink either, so my natural charisma and people talking skills come naturally to me. All I can say is to believe in yourself and practice! You'll make mistakes getting better, but with enough effort and tries you'll start to understand what makes for good social interactions and how to approach brand new people and it's AWESOME
 
I'm pretty much working my way out of being that person right now. What you described is totally how I was/am at big social gatherings with people I don't know. If I know someone I'll usually stay gravitating around their general vicinity so I don't feel out of place. But I've been trying to be better about being on my own at these occasions and being more social with strangers and friends of friends. I'm not exactly who I wanna be right now in terms of socializing, but I'm trying. You're only gonna get back as much as you put out there. Personally I'm terrible at keeping up conversations that isn't random small talk because I don't like talking about myself. Just feel like I have a boring life that isn't all that interesting and usually give brief answers whenever I'm asked about myself.

Ever since I started dating my boyfriend I've been trying to get better at it. He likes going to loud club/bars with his friends which could not be further from my type of scene. And when we first started dating I tried going a couple times and I kind of was that awkward guy standing in the corner stonefaced. Then I just opted out whenever he would invite me. But eventually I decided if this is something he likes to do, then I wanna be able to go out with him. So I force myself to go out there. And it would be good for me too to push myself to be more social. Drinking helps a lot to loosen me up a bit. It doesn't make me super talky, but I'm much more comfortable with initiating conversations and engaging with people I don't really know. I can't get like that all the time though. Sometimes when I go out, even if I'm drinking, I do just sit around and people watch, maybe make small talk with his friends and stuff. But I at least drink and generally try to look like I'm enjoying myself. Sometimes if I have enough to drink I'll join them on the dance floor too.

I still feel awkward as fuck a majority of the times, but I feel better at least trying rather than sitting in my room home alone knowing other people are having fun without me.
 
Nivash said:
Not really. Never gotten that euphoria people are after, never done stupid stuff, never had memory loss, never ended up falling asleep on some couch or something like that. I've seen plenty enough of drunk people to know I've never been there. My intoxication works like this: I get slightly buzzed and slightly talkative after my first and second beer. Third, I start to have blurred vision and get dizzy. I'm keenly aware of this as it's happening, by the way, and I actually tend to get less talkative as a result. It's like a flu or motion sickness. Fourth beer and I get stomach cramps and nausea. If I'm stupid enough to down a fifth beer it's off to the toilet and game over for the night. Same thing if I'm stupid enough to drink more than one shot of anything.

If that's what being drunk is like I can't for the life of me understand why people do it voluntarily. It's like I'm poisoning myself. At best you could say I've been "bad drunk" but never been "good drunk" but believe me, I tried plenty of ways to get "good drunk" in my early twenties to realise that there probable aren't any. Seemingly runs in the family - my dad is the same.
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It sounds like maybe you have an inability to process alcohol, or maybe you are allergic to an ingredient in the beer. 3 beers should not be affecting your vision and making you dizzy.
 
Dude, GAF. Not this again.

You don't like loud parties? I don't like Final Fantasy games. That's about as much significance as you should let this have.

It's so cringeworthy to watch so many people get so self-conscious over this. This isn't just OP. I see this kind of thread all the time with the usual posters lamenting that they don't like certain social situations. You have no obligation to enjoy them. Just please stop being so mopey about it.

You didn't enjoy your evening? I'm sorry. You should let your friend know that or come with a backup plan next time. Nobody's forcing you to pretend to enjoy something you don't.

I suppose fair share of the blame goes toward the people who play up the importance of drinking and loud music and whatever else. It's not a necessary skill for society whatsoever. Even calling it a skill is wrong. It's a preference.
 
gwailo said:
It sounds like maybe you have an inability to process alcohol, or maybe you are allergic to an ingredient in the beer. 3 beers should not be affecting your vision and making you dizzy.
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I've always assumed the same, I'm leaning towards having a very slow clearance rate for some reason. I'm fine if I just drink it slowly enough, so I can stretch 3 beers over a nights worth of partying and be pretty fine. No way or reason to test it though.
 
I just go and introduce myself to everyone at the parties that I've been too. By the end I've made half a dozen to dozen friends/friendly acquaintances. Just say screw it, and do it. What's the worst that could happen if you introduce yourself? Nothing wrong with being introverted just why not take a chance in life? Enjoy yourself a bit out of your comfort zone, and you'll be pleasantly surprised.
 
ASilentProtagonist said:
I just go and introduce myself to everyone at the parties that I've been too. By the end I've made half a dozen to dozen friends/friendly acquaintances. Just say screw it, and do it. What's the worst that could happen if you introduce yourself? Nothing wrong with being introverted just why not take a chance in life? Enjoy yourself a bit out of your comfort zone.
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Yeah this is important too, introduce yourself asap so you can get over that hump, breaks the ice and makes you appear interested and friendly.
 
Bloody_Five said:
1-It was extremely rude on your friend's part not to warn you that there was going to be a party and asking if you were comfortable with it. Also rude not to introduce you to anyone and make sure you had a good time. It is the duty of a good host.

2-Nothing wrong with being uncomfortable at loud parties populated with total strangers to whom you have not been introduced to.
That does not make you a shy introvert but just a normal human being.

In this situation:
1- Try to find someone who looks as bored and isolated as you are and try to start a conversation. After all you have already something in common.

2-Just do not put up with this.
Tell your friend how rude you think he is "May I have a word with you in private".
If a "friend" were to pull out something like this, I would cause me to terminate the relationship. I can't stand rude people with no social manners.
Then just leave the premises.
If you can, go to an hotel or to a youth hostel.
In any case, It's better for you self esteem to be out on the streets rather than feel like shit at a party.
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Oh lord. You sound like a real fun person
 
I dont like alcohol but it really makes you more social.
Or just don't give a fuck and participate in whatever a group is doing at the party.

Just don't do what Chuck Norris above me quoted.
 
Dont listen to the people telling you to drink OP. I can only drink certain things (most beers make me feel ill) so sometimes I drink and sometimes i dont. Unless your going to a club alcohol is not needed for having fun.

Parties are just a place to meet new people and have fun with people who you already know. If you're not into that it's fine. But you shouldn't feel bad about not enjoying it.
 
What you want to do in parties is wait for opportunities to get on in there. You'll probably have a friend tanking on shots and drinks while another pulls people to your group by throwing out feelers and getting attention. Follow up that person with your own input to maximize your dps, but don't get too aggressive, or you'll draw aggro.

You play Wizard, right?
 
Don't drink in order to gain courage. Also, don't listen to people who say that your friend is to blame for not introducing you to anyone. Although it sucks that he didn't, you have to rely on yourself in these cases. You have to just break out of your shell. Easier said than done, sure, but that's really all there is to it.
 
Septimus Prime said:
What you want to do in parties is wait for opportunities to get on in there. You'll probably have a friend tanking on shots and drinks while another pulls people to your group by throwing out feelers and getting attention. Follow up that person with your own input to maximize your dps, but don't get too aggressive, or you'll draw aggro.
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this post is underrated

edit:

Really though, the alcohol part is just a little kick in the right direction, to make socializing easier. I try to bring alcohol to every gathering i go to! But thats just because I love everyone around me being uninhibitedly happy and comfortable. They love it too.

BUTTTTtttt if you're in a group of people who think throwing back alcohol until they lose their motor skills is cool, then no, don't follow them. Tending after (truly) drunk people is the most not-fun thing i can think of. Right next to stepping on nearly molten glass and jamming my penis in a fan.

Drinking to gain courage isn't bad advice. It's just a really bad thing to make a habit. It's not an elixir. But you're smart, and now you know, so dont let that happen!

I'm not an advocate for alcohol. I'm just someone who really okay im an advocate for alcohol.
 
Septimus Prime said:
What you want to do in parties is wait for opportunities to get on in there. You'll probably have a friend tanking on shots and drinks while another pulls people to your group by throwing out feelers and getting attention. Follow up that person with your own input to maximize your dps, but don't get too aggressive, or you'll draw aggro.

You play Wizard, right?
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Lol
 
jaxapollo said:
Don't worry OP, parties and drinking are severely overrated. I mean, unless you like obnoxiousness, puke and getting roofied.

The fact that people can't socialize without being drunk is pretty sad. It's not your fault your friend threw a party with an emphasis on alcohol. Next time bring a 3DS along and some headphones.
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God some of the posts in here are the most prudish shit I've ever seen

I expect better from OT GAF. Jesus.

OP, listen to the people telling you to get out of your comfort zone. Try having two or three drinks just to break the ice (unless it's a religious thing for you, or you're an alcoholic or something). You might actually make a genuine connection.

Like damn, you're a GAFfer so if I was at that party we probably would have had something in common, but if you just played Street Fighter without saying a word then snuck off and sat in the corner on your phone when they turned off the game I would have just assumed you were a jerk. Lighten up. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
 
Having a beer or two is cool, but don't rely on booze to turn you into a extrovert..lol. That'll lead you down a slippery slope conditioning you to think that you need alcohol to enjoy yourself.

There was an interesting study done at my university that took samples of students and placed them in a bar environment that served "alcohol" to see if anyone's behavior changed after consuming said alcoholic beverages. You would be surprised how many undergrads became boisterous and extroverted after receiving the placebo which they thought was loaded with liquor of choice. Needless to say, they were shocked they found out that their drinks contain no alcohol whatsoever.

Anyways, body language plays a large role on how others perceive you. Cracking a smile without looking psychotic is a good start..lol
A person who's smiling is much more approachable than one who has their head buried in their phone.

If your friend was hosting the party, then a good icebreaker would be asking others how they know him/her. Usually you can find a common interest by doing so and segue into other topics pretty easily. If all else fails, find people who are playing beerpong or something and get yourself incorporated into the group.
 
Elitist1945 said:
My friend convinced me to go to a party once. I'm also socially awkward/have social anxiety, and up until that point I've never drank a single thing. But when people say being drunk helps, its fucking true. I was talking to random people I never met before and was having a good time.

Obviously, I'm not saying you HAVE to drink, but for me it helped. You're definitely not alone.
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The reason why alcohol works is because it literally dampens the executive functions of your frontal lobe. So along with the reduced inhibitions, impulsive action and reckless behaviour with little thought of consequences come through. Bit of the good with the bad.
 
What is kind of obnoxious about drinking is that it "stacks the deck" in a way. Still, the drinker can end up making a fool of themselves.
 
OP, being an introvert has nothing to do with your problem. Being awkwardly shy is the issue.

Socializing is a skill but it's not a difficult one. And if everyone else is drinking you hardly have to be adept at it. Just find a girl/guy who is on their own and just say hello. If you're not gregarious, just ask questions that'll get them talking. I'm assuming you're young, so do the age old fall back of asking about their studies. Just probe until you find something that they're really interested in and talk and relate to them on the subject. Boom, time passer.

If you can't find a person that's alone, you can basically join a group discussion by essentially sitting on the periphery until you get absorbed by the conversation. Listen to what everyone else is talking about then, when an opportunity arises, ask a question to further clarify something that a person has said. Boom, you're in the conversation.

As a final piece of advice, if things run their course and you have nothing further to discuss and the moment is getting awkward, don't feel like you have to keep things going. You can bail with a simple, "Well it was nice to meet you (should say their name if you've learned it but whatever if you haven't)," and just excuse yourself.

That's basically all there is to working a room. Move between several groups or stick to one or two if you have an actual good time speaking with them. And if you're done with the party after a few hours, it's fine to look for a quiet place and chill until everyone leaves.

Is it fun? Sure, sometimes. There are good parties and there are bad. The surest way to make all of them bad, however, is to not try and engage at all.

Nivash said:
Heh, maybe I was a bit unclear on the definitions. Could be a cultural and langauge thing - going on benders is kind of a big part of party culture over here, guess I've always felt that "drunk" is supposed to be pleasurable experience (until the next morning, at least) which it just isn't for me. So I suppose I have been drunk, I just seem to get all of the side effects and none of the gains.
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I think you're right that people have different reactions to alcohol. It doesn't make me more sociable, either. When I start getting affected by alcohol, I become quiet and withdrawn. I also have horrible hang-overs that make the process even more undesirable.

Supermanisdead said:
wtf kind of parties do u go to where the host holds your hand and introduces you to people. be your own man yall.
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I was brought to a party by a friend once who immediately dumped me at the door and disappeared for the entire night with old friends of his. It's an asshole move by any account. You don't have to babysit your guest but the least you can do is fucking introduce them to the first group of friends you're meeting. It's common decency.

Needless to say, I didn't go to more parties with that guy.
 
OP, I used to be very introverted and afraid of parties and such. What helped was improving my self image. And that doesn't mean new clothes or anything superficial, but acknowledging to yourself what you have to offer and being authentic around people. I'm guessing if you're that shy then you're probably self-critical too. If so, cut that shit out, there's no reason to beat yourself up!

For me, it took all the pressure off when I stopped trying to think about how I should act, and instead let out my real personality. When you do that, then you stop giving a shit if people disapprove, bc fuck em if they don't like the real you.
 
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