I don't know what to do with myself. I'm a programmer with a bachelor's in computer science. I have had two jobs in my career since college. The first one I was forced to resign (or be fired0 for performance (I chose wrong obviously, since I couldn't collect unemployment, but I was only unemployed for like 2 months after that one). The second job I was fired from also for performance.
Then shortly before I lost the last job, I was diagnosed with ADHD and realized it explains a ton about my life in general, and why my performance was poor at those jobs. I have applied to tons of places, had plenty of interviews, phone, onsite, Skype, etc. I still haven't gotten anywhere. I have had so many close calls, but they passed for whatever reason, about half of them I would say just decided they wanted something else (position was for Java developer, then they go "LOL WE WANT PHP"). I just had an interview on Tuesday with a major company, which does their interviews in a different city across the country, and I found out today they still rejected me after that interview. They did pay for my airfare, hotel, and other expenses for the interview trip. Supposedly even the onsite interview at this company is generally considered difficult, but still I felt like I did better than that, although I think I know which part, if anything, might have screwed me up in that interview.
The other day I had a company reject me for a position because of the resume gap (a year), although the recruiter that put me up for that position is putting me up for a more junior one with the same company, which they are still considering me for.
Is my career totally fucked? I've just gotten more and more depressed over the last year, and feel worthless and like a failure. I haven't gotten anywhere, my unemployment is out, I'm out of hope. I've even felt suicidal at times (but I won't actually do it). I'm on treatment for the ADHD, but I feel like the damage is already done. Obviously, the first job I can dress up as me leaving, but the second one I can't, and then having the unemployment gap really isn't very fair that companies are rejecting based on that, when no one is giving me a chance.
I'm trying to find a job for anything, and I think it's fucking pathetic that I have to find a job at a grocery store, Gamestop, or something like that. I hate myself, and I'm a complete and total fuckup.