Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

Status
Not open for further replies.
Just another post to vent, but I'm at a point again where I have no interest in anything. I don't want to play video games, I don't want to work on art, I don't want to do anything I normally enjoy. I'm not surprised because this has happened a couple times in the past but it sucks that it's happening again.

Because I don't have a job, I also don't have a lot of money to spare (literally $1500 to my name) and just yesterday I made a $160 purchase for some trading cards I don't need, but currently, TCG's are the only thing that keep me even slightly entertained, so I thought it was worth it at the time. In the end, I regretted it and it just made me feel worse for spending money I really don't have.

Aside from that, it's the same old story of wishing I wasn't born and that maybe I should be taking my frustrations out on my parents instead of myself. Like maybe if they were dead, that would act as some kind of poetic justice for bringing me into the world.

For anyone who might be curious, my parents did try their best to raise me and give me a good life. In that sense, they're the most wonderful parents anyone could have asked for, but knowing what we know now, that mental illness can be passed through genetics, and that depression runs all through my mother's side of the family, I'll never forgive them for having a child. What a fucking selfish idea.
 
The last couple of weeks have been huge for me. I have finally taken the last step to conquer my OCD. The first few days were mentally excruciating, but I made it through. It's still tough at times, because it feels like i'm fighting my own nature. The urge to engage with these thoughts is sometimes overwhelming, but it's crucial that I hold strong. It's tough, but It's only gotten easier since the initial few days. It took close to a year of constant work, but I think i'm finally reaching a point where I have developed the mindset and know-how to overcome this disorder. While I know my OCD and intrusive thoughts won't go away, I have reached a point where I am capable of not responding or engaging with my OCD, and I no longer contribute to reinforcing it.

While my fight isn't over and probably never will be, I have effectively regained control over my life and my 'self'. It's been a long road but I did it. I know i'll probably have some dips and lows in the future, but I will get out of those as I have gotten out of all the others. I know what must be done and how to do it. More importantly, I have proven I CAN do it.

Stay strong everyone.
 
I just kind of want to end it all right now. I don't want to deal with anything anymore.


I can't get out of the rut I'm in. I'm not happy with anything in my life, and I'm too much of a coward to fix anything. I don't have any faith in me to succeed in life, nor the will power.

I just want to give up, and give in.
 
EDIT: Redacting this post because I don't even want to think about this anymore. Teryiyaki Blues, since this was a response to your post, I've PM'd you it's contents so it's not totally gone.
 
Ledhead said:
The last couple of weeks have been huge for me. I have finally taken the last step to conquer my OCD. The first few days were mentally excruciating, but I made it through. It's still tough at times, because it feels like i'm fighting my own nature. The urge to engage with these thoughts is sometimes overwhelming, but it's crucial that I hold strong. It's tough, but It's only gotten easier since the initial few days. It took close to a year of constant work, but I think i'm finally reaching a point where I have developed the mindset and know-how to overcome this disorder. While I know my OCD and intrusive thoughts won't go away, I have reached a point where I am capable of not responding or engaging with my OCD, and I no longer contribute to reinforcing it.

While my fight isn't over and probably never will be, I have effectively regained control over my life and my 'self'. It's been a long road but I did it. I know i'll probably have some dips and lows in the future, but I will get out of those as I have gotten out of all the others. I know what must be done and how to do it. More importantly, I have proven I CAN do it.

Stay strong everyone.
Click to expand...


Are you on any meds if I may ask? I've had OCD/intrusive thoughts since I was very young and I can relate to this. I need to stand firm and not respond to my thoughts and just let them flow.
 
many places said:
Are you on any meds if I may ask? I've had OCD/intrusive thoughts since I was very young and I can relate to this. I need to stand firm and not respond to my thoughts and just let them flow.
Click to expand...

I tried Citalopram, Effexor, and one other medication I can't remember. All at various doses. None worked for me or seemed to reduce intrusive thoughts, etc...I made my biggest gains through a combination of therapy and personal work revolving around diffusing and detaching myself from intrusive thoughts and my obsessions. I took about a year of grueling work, but I have reached a level of mastery over this disorder I never thought possible. I encourage you to at least try therapy and medication. Sometimes one works best for some people, sometimes it's a combination of both that is the best.

I have heard Zoloft can be quite good for people with OCD. Maybe worth trying.
 
So, I have ADHD and I am getting really down about it lately.

I only got diagnosed 1 year ago at 27 and I feel like I have wasted so much of my life because of it. I have treatments now and they do help but I am so pissed off about how I haven't accomplished anything in life because of it.

I've tried to make the best of it but I have this overwhelming feeling whenever i do, like it's just too hard so I pretty much just stay at home, on the internet and barely eat or sleep.

I just don't know what to do? I kinda worry i am depressed? But I also worry due to the ADHD if I DO see someone they're gonna blame it on that like yeah it's probably the root cause but it's not the cause of how meh I feel about life if that makes any sense?
 
So, I finally met with the psychologist that is my Therapist's boss and the one who looked over my test results. Now I went in completely positive and by the end of the session(an hour and a half or more I lost count), I was absolutely fucking livid.

This lady had the gall to tell me that my results were invalidated because no one can score and have as many mental illnesses as the charts and results imply, and the fact that I'm not a constant blithering wreck in front of them leads her to believe that I am lying about all of my problems, that therapy wasn't a place to talk about my problems but to develop methods of dealing with them more effectively. This lady barely even knew my case and admitted as much, and my therapist just fucking sat there and did nothing, my own mother had to call and talk to her to get something even resembling an apology.

How incredibly fucked up is that? You go to a place for help because you need answers, because you need help and they call you a fucking liar.
 
RoyaleDuke said:
So, I finally met with the psychologist that is my Therapist's boss and the one who looked over my test results. Now I went in completely positive and by the end of the session(an hour and a half or more I lost count), I was absolutely fucking livid.

This lady had the gall to tell me that my results were invalidated because no one can score and have as many mental illnesses as the charts and results imply, and the fact that I'm not a constant blithering wreck in front of them leads her to believe that I am lying about all of my problems, that therapy wasn't a place to talk about my problems but to develop methods of dealing with them more effectively. This lady barely even knew my case and admitted as much, and my therapist just fucking sat there and did nothing, my own mother had to call and talk to her to get something even resembling an apology.

How incredibly fucked up is that? You go to a place for help because you need answers, because you need help and they call you a fucking liar.
Click to expand...

I haven't read your previous posts (there seems to be a story here), so my post is probably a bit off base. Over the years though, I've definitely come to the realization that some therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists aren't in it to help people, and you really have to go through a few of them to find one you're comfortable with. It seems you're already working with another therapist that I'll assume is better, and this was a one off thing with the psychologist just relating to the test results, so again, my advice is probably moot.

In any case, I'm really sorry you had to experience that. It's never easy to handle being shut down like that by someone who you expect to help you.
 
Krammy said:
I haven't read your previous posts (there seems to be a story here), so my post is probably a bit off base. Over the years though, I've definitely come to the realization that some therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists aren't in it to help people, and you really have to go through a few of them to find one you're comfortable with. It seems you're already working with another therapist that I'll assume is better, and this was a one off thing with the psychologist just relating to the test results, so again, my advice is probably moot.

In any case, I'm really sorry you had to experience that. It's never easy to handle being shut down like that by someone who you expect to help you.
Click to expand...

Well yeah my actual psychologist that I see for my meds is actually helpful, this lady was just here to read off test results and discuss them with me so that I can get some kind of accurate prognosis of what I have, so I can be treated better. My therapist came up with the idea behind this 300 question test I had to take, and so I took it I mean you have to be receptive to everything.

This occurred with My usual therapist and not my psychologist I've been seeing for almost two years I think now(I've been seeing them both about the same time really).

It's just, it is really hard for me because people like her are the reason I stopped taking my meds, I stopped going to psychologists and therapists because of people like her.
 
RoyaleDuke said:
It's just, it is really hard for me because people like her are the reason I stopped taking my meds, I stopped going to psychologists and therapists because of people like her.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I can understand the feeling. I'm fairly well spoken myself, so anytime I see a doctor to talk about feeling depressed, suicidal, etc, they usually brush it off as being something else like anxiety. I actively avoid talking to doctors about it now, relying on things like forums and my dwindling amount of friends.

Maybe during the next visit, I'll stab one of them with a pen or something, because clearly words aren't getting my point across. Har har har.

I'm not kidding.
 
Krammy said:
Yeah, I can understand the feeling. I'm fairly well spoken myself, so anytime I see a doctor to talk about feeling depressed, suicidal, etc, they usually brush it off as being something else like anxiety. I actively avoid talking to doctors about it now, relying on things like forums and my dwindling amount of friends.

Maybe during the next visit, I'll stab one of them with a pen or something, because clearly words aren't getting my point across. Har har har.

I'm not kidding.
Click to expand...

It's sad but my mom actually suggested that I do something crazy to prove to these people I have problems if my visit to the crisis center, talking with my therapist and Psychologist, and everything else didn't prove it.

It is really sad that you practically have to go crazy to really get any help.
 
Woohoo! Just set myself up with a therapy appointment! I'm finally doing it! Aww yes!

On another note, it's been a while since I've posted, but everything is going quite well on my end! Everything's been going really well, and on top of that, I've also been on a couple dates (with another one tomorrow) with this girl who I'm getting along super well with, so that's exciting!
 
zeemumu said:
Going for walks, music, gaming, building things, reading, etc. At least two of those things are what led me to enter into my current major. Most things have an apathy filter on them for me these days. Even stuff like Disneyland lost a lot of its magic. Not all of it because it's Disneyland, but enough for me to notice. I already did the whole therapy circuit for depression. I stopped because I felt that I had learned all that he could teach me on dealing with it, and for a while it worked. It's starting to creep back. Kinda feels like my body is building up an immunity to life.
Click to expand...

I can relate to the immunity to life feeling. I feel like I'm just existing and nothing else.
 
And just like that, life's complicated again.

My roommate just accepted a job offer in Maine, so I've got to find myself a new place to live in the next month or two... Kinda sucks since things were going so great.
 
Kipp said:
And just like that, life's complicated again.

My roommate just accepted a job offer in Maine, so I've got to find myself a new place to live in the next month or two... Kinda sucks since things were going so great.
Click to expand...

Aw, shit. I'm sorry, dude. :(
 
jb1234 said:
Aw, shit. I'm sorry, dude. :(
Click to expand...

Thanks for the condolences. I'll definitely get it figured out though. And my roommate realizes that he's putting me in a shitty situation so he told me he plans to stick around for another month or two and commuting rather than just leaving me in the dust. Regardless though, it's definitely throwing me for a loop, especially as I was just getting situated and things were going so well.
After I fully accept and process what's going on and whatnot, I'm sure it won't weigh me down too much. Right now it's definitely the only thing I can think about though.
 
I've been having issues opening up due to personal shame, and I'm starting to wonder if I could've improved my situation earlier had I been willing to open up some.

On the plus side I do think the Prozac is helping me, and I have therapy tomorrow. Once pay starts coming in again and I (hopefully) get therapy rolling things will probably improve, especially if I look into more resources to use. I feel I'm also just too... ignorant on how to actually help and fend for myself and would rather just curl up and hide away from the world instead.
 
Fucking bullshit. I went and invested the little money I had in getting the app released etc. then the programmer turns around and is like "yo, instead of equity, I want down-payment instead"

That's great, except I'm broke now. So I guess I can't get the code, no release, broke as fuck, and the only thing I got is hoping that my training day at new job goes well.

So here I am, trying to salvage it all and I haven't really slept in the past three weeks. I don't know, but I guess I'm using the fact that I can't feel anything to my advantage. I'm grinding everything in right now but I feel that I won't even feel the light at the end of the tunnel even if I make it.

It's like, I've used up all my feelings this year. Can't remember the last time I felt sad or happy.
 
Been a good month being bipolar until now, been very content with most things which has been good. Fallen back into hardcore loneliness now however which has caused me to overeat. Ate 3 days of calories tonight and am not feeling happy with myself so could't let myself sleep which makes the loneliness even worse since there's no one to talk to.

Was considering drinking but didn't see it as worth it since it was thursday and I have school coming up. Maybe on the weekend.
 
Ok... now I just feel like I'm all wound up and that there's nothing I can do to help myself. Low money, gas lower than I'd like, most forms of help unavailable... I'd been in a crappy situation for the last several years and haven't done enough to help myself out of it, and sometimes I feel like I have no idea how to communicate with others to GET help. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow morning, I dunno.
 
Can people stand looking back to when they were depressed? because when I look back I'm thinking "jesus this event/atmosphere feels so terrible I don't know how I endured it"
 
Eusis said:
Ok... now I just feel like I'm all wound up and that there's nothing I can do to help myself. Low money, gas lower than I'd like, most forms of help unavailable... I'd been in a crappy situation for the last several years and haven't done enough to help myself out of it, and sometimes I feel like I have no idea how to communicate with others to GET help. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow morning, I dunno.
Click to expand...
No, you wont feel better, you need to seek help now sometimes one cant simply help himself out.
 
TheAutomator said:
Can people stand looking back to when they were depressed? because when I look back I'm thinking "jesus this event/atmosphere feels so terrible I don't know how I endured it"
Click to expand...

I try my best not to dwell in the past but it isn't always possible. It mostly comes in the form of things seemingly changing but more then anything really staying the same which gets me thinking of the past.
 
Sub Boss said:
No, you wont feel better, you need to seek help now sometimes one cant simply help himself out.
Click to expand...
I actually do feel calmer, but my issue is the immediate source: needing money to cover the next week or two before pay returns. Then there's finding housing again, having my mom able to be as comfortable as she can be, getting a solid educational plan going (dreading academic probation due to dropping out of classes) and finally just being able to follow my hobby.

Strictly in regards to depression and general mental health I actually have a session to get therapy started in an hour, so that's great. But thanks anyway for replying at least!
 
Or nothing can happen, as the therapist leaves this clinic after next Friday so an initial intake is kind of a waste of our time and now I'm on a calling list to get with someone when a slot opens up. At least they have a new one coming in mid June but this is just ridiculous poor luck for me.

I don't even feel as bad as I should, but at this point maybe it's a feeling of being resigned to "death". Or that it can't possibly get worse, and/or by giving in, not worrying about feelings of guilt, and starting to actually say what the fuck is going on and trying to reach out here and elsewhere I can get my head above water and survive through the next few weeks.
 
So benefits are in at least for my mom and we were able to pick up some donated food and hopefully have the groundwork laid for getting help for just living. That makes up for the therapist stuff earlier at least.
 
What do you answer when someone asks you if you are good, when you feel like trash?

"I am ok" is my standard answer, but I hate lying to people. I could go on a rant, but nobody likes that and I dont want to worry anyone.
 
Hermii said:
What do you answer when someone asks you if you are good, when you feel like trash?

"I am ok" is my standard answer, but I hate lying to people. I could go on a rant, but nobody likes that and I dont want to worry anyone.
Click to expand...

A simple "I feel terrible, thanks for asking." would suffice. I do it all the time.
 
This has been a pretty miserable week. It's funny that when I try to make steps to improve my life, more often than not, it just makes things worse and I feel even lonelier than when I started. Just feel swallowed up by these sad emotions.
 
jb1234 said:
This has been a pretty miserable week. It's funny that when I try to make steps to improve my life, more often than not, it just makes things worse and I feel even lonelier than when I started. Just feel swallowed up by these sad emotions.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry you're having a difficult week JB. I wish I could more then offer words of encouragement, but alas that's all I have. You have shown tremendous resilience and strength through all this, I know you'll get through this rough patch.
 
jb1234 said:
This has been a pretty miserable week. It's funny that when I try to make steps to improve my life, more often than not, it just makes things worse and I feel even lonelier than when I started. Just feel swallowed up by these sad emotions.
Click to expand...

I often feel the same way my friend. I have been getting more and more frustrated with how my highs and lows the last few months.

I may have bi-polar disorder because I can turn from sorrow/angst to irritability/anger quite quickly in a single day. Let alone a whole week.

Whatever course emotions take us on we can at least try to help ourselves a bit. I enjoy taking walks for the sake of it to unwind my mind. Also, I enjoy writing my thoughts down on paper as well. Reading can distract me for a bit, but I can easily lose focus on that. So I just switch up whatever I may think will do the most help at the time. Just keep trying too.
 
Ledhead said:
I'm sorry you're having a difficult week JB. I wish I could more then offer words of encouragement, but alas that's all I have. You have shown tremendous resilience and strength through all this, I know you'll get through this rough patch.
Click to expand...

Thank you.

Lemaitre said:
I often feel the same way my friend. I have been getting more and more frustrated with how my highs and lows the last few months.

I may have bi-polar disorder because I can turn from sorrow/angst to irritability/anger quite quickly in a single day. Let alone a whole week.

Whatever course emotions take us on we can at least try to help ourselves a bit. I enjoy taking walks for the sake of it to unwind my mind. Also, I enjoy writing my thoughts down on paper as well. Reading can distract me for a bit, but I can easily lose focus on that. So I just switch up whatever I may think will do the most help at the time. Just keep trying too.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I've been taking walk after walk. It doesn't help me feel better but it at least gets me outside and doing something productive. Now that I'm home again, I just want to crawl into bed and stay there.
 
Hermii said:
What do you answer when someone asks you if you are good, when you feel like trash?

"I am ok" is my standard answer, but I hate lying to people. I could go on a rant, but nobody likes that and I dont want to worry anyone.
Click to expand...

Unless it's a close friend that is actually interested in and knows my history, I pretty much say I'm okay.
 
Having a really difficult morning after waking up earlier than I wanted to. I've been sleeping like shit, drinking a lot of energy drinks and Coke to keep me going, and just feeling like garbage.

I got up really early (6:30am) the other day, but couldn't sleep that night and was up until 4am yesterday morning. I got home after midnight, and closer to 1 actually, because I went to the movies, but I had to be up at 7:30 to go to a medical procedure.

Well, I slept until 9am. I was supposed to be there at 8. I rushed out the door, made it there at 9:40am, and they took me. I was relieved, because I was scared shitless that they wouldn't. The no show/late cancellation fee was $100, and they said they were about to invoice me when I showed.

I looked at the form I got, but it only had the hospital's number, not his office, and I knew I'd be dealing with menus and redirects and no clue of who to try to access via their phone system. I just rushed out the door and hoped.

It was a urethra scope to see if I need surgery. The pain I worried about has been and was nearly nonexistent so that's good.

I was pissed off, though. It's my fault I overslept. However, there were ladies here helping a family member when I left. One has been good to us, and I asked her to move her car ASAP please (politely, of course) and explained the situation. She said sure, did so immediately.

As I said, I couldn't find the phone number or his business card. The office called while I was driving the 20+ minutes there, but those women never bothered to answer the phone or give it to my sister who can't access it herself. I almost got billed because they didn't answer the phone and say, "He's on his way." What the fuck is wrong with people? Use some common sense.

I texted the girl and asked if they'd called. She said yes, but they hadn't answered it. That made me furious. I didn't harp on her much, but I did say, "Huh? WTF!?" and then said she could've shown a common consideration/sense when she said, "You didn't say anything about if they called." Seriously?

My income is limited as is.

But they did take me, barely. And I don't need surgery. I was told I should sit to pee.

Back to tonight/this morning: I just feel lost. Lonely. Grief stricken. Missing my Mom. Wanting to just die and see if I can be with her. There's absolutely nothing here for me except heartbreak, loneliness, poverty and depression. This place is a jail cell and a nightmarish one at that.

I think we live in Hell.

I kind of hope that, with all the energy drinks and caffeine I'm consuming, my heart will explode. If I'm being honest. I'm tempted to drink a ton, then go running.
 
OCDChewie said:
Having a really difficult morning after waking up earlier than I wanted to. I've been sleeping like shit, drinking a lot of energy drinks and Coke to keep me going, and just feeling like garbage.

I got up really early (6:30am) the other day, but couldn't sleep that night and was up until 4am yesterday morning. I got home after midnight, and closer to 1 actually, because I went to the movies, but I had to be up at 7:30 to go to a medical procedure.

Well, I slept until 9am. I was supposed to be there at 8. I rushed out the door, made it there at 9:40am, and they took me. I was relieved, because I was scared shitless that they wouldn't. The no show/late cancellation fee was $100, and they said they were about to invoice me when I showed.

I looked at the form I got, but it only had the hospital's number, not his office, and I knew I'd be dealing with menus and redirects and no clue of who to try to access via their phone system. I just rushed out the door and hoped.

It was a urethra scope to see if I need surgery. The pain I worried about has been and was nearly nonexistent so that's good.

I was pissed off, though. It's my fault I overslept. However, there were ladies here helping a family member when I left. One has been good to us, and I asked her to move her car ASAP please (politely, of course) and explained the situation. She said sure, did so immediately.

As I said, I couldn't find the phone number or his business card. The office called while I was driving the 20+ minutes there, but those women never bothered to answer the phone or give it to my sister who can't access it herself. I almost got billed because they didn't answer the phone and say, "He's on his way." What the fuck is wrong with people? Use some common sense.

I texted the girl and asked if they'd called. She said yes, but they hadn't answered it. That made me furious. I didn't harp on her much, but I did say, "Huh? WTF!?" and then said she could've shown a common consideration/sense when she said, "You didn't say anything about if they called." Seriously?

My income is limited as is.

But they did take me, barely. And I don't need surgery. I was told I should sit to pee.

Back to tonight/this morning: I just feel lost. Lonely. Grief stricken. Missing my Mom. Wanting to just die and see if I can be with her. There's absolutely nothing here for me except heartbreak, loneliness, poverty and depression. This place is a jail cell and a nightmarish one at that.

I think we live in Hell.

I kind of hope that, with all the energy drinks and caffeine I'm consuming, my heart will explode. If I'm being honest. I'm tempted to drink a ton, then go running.
Click to expand...

Yeah it's the woman's fault. Hopefully she learned her mistake.

Hang in there. We all go through shitty days. Things will get better.
 
TheAutomator said:
Yeah it's the woman's fault. Hopefully she learned her mistake.

Hang in there. We all go through shitty days. Things will get better.
Click to expand...

I didn't intend to infer that it was wholly her fault. It was my fault for oversleeping and everything to do with that. It was just ignorant and could've really fucked me over.
 
Probably my last post about my experience with online dating.

First person to ever respond to a message of mine: Replied two months ago, promised to write again. Nothing since then.
Second person to ever respond to a message of mine: Replied one month ago, promised to write again. Nothing since then.
Third and so far last person to ever respond to a message of mine: Replied on Monday morning, promised to write again. Nothing since then.

I don't want to do this anymore. I give up.

Fuck people.
 
Been having a really bad OCD/depression episode since last week. Hard to focus at work. Suicidal thoughts etc. It's like anything becomes an obsession and I have that feeling like I'll never beat this.

It's my 8th day on Zoloft again. Way too early for it to work I guess. The only thing it does right now is making me sweat more than usual.
 
Dawg said:
Been having a really bad OCD/depression episode since last week. Hard to focus at work. Suicidal thoughts etc. It's like anything becomes an obsession and I have that feeling like I'll never beat this.

It's my 8th day on Zoloft again. Way too early for it to work I guess. The only thing it does right now is making me sweat more than usual.
Click to expand...

I'm suffering almost the same right now and it's too early for my medicine to take effect lol.

That feel when you want to cry but you can't. I was really good at crying when I was young, but less so now.
 
I had a terrible weekend so far. Really lonely just being with my sick mind. Now I have a headache, no meds and I just want to sleep but I can't. Im awake just wanting it to end. Praying for a better day tomorrow.
 
I hate facebook, sometimes i wonder what i must have done in my life to have this crappy ass life. Seems everyone is either getting married or having a kid or going on trips together. However whenever i go away somewhere its always alone. always alone always. I just hate this whole country.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Oscars 2025 |OT|
2
75
4K
Zathalus replied
TV Shows You’ve Watched Lately |OT| - 2025
|OT| Community  2 3 4
152
7K
RaduN replied
Movies You’ve Watched Lately | OT | - 2025
|OT| Opinion Community  7 8 9 10 11
507
19K
DKehoe replied
Andor S2 |OT| Remember Star Wars?
17
74
XERXES_89 replied
Incels need more mental health help, community is younger, more diverse and left leaning than previously thought
2 3
117
10K
nush replied
Top Bottom