Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Hi Depression-GAF, it's been a while since I posted in this thread but here I am again and I feel that this is worse than the last time because I can't deal with this. I believed again that everything was fine with my friends but it was a lie, I discovered that they don't care about me at all since I returned home from my student exchange last year, they don't care about my achievements, they don't invite me to play videogames or eat pizza like we used to do and even didn't bother to remember my birthday... It hit me more knowing that we're going to graduate in 2 weeks and I can't see them without feeling depressed.

I know that I should forget them and try to meet other people but it isn't easy for me, I believe that if they don't want me and the reason I lost my best friend last year is because something is wrong with me and nobody would want to be friend of someone like me. I've crying every night since April, I feel worthless and I don't have anyone to talk about this. I feel that I shouldn't post this because is not a big problem like others but I just wanted to let it out before it gets worse.
 
CosmicWabbit said:
Hi Depression-GAF, it's been a while since I posted in this thread but here I am again and I feel that this is worse than the last time because I can't deal with this. I believed again that everything was fine with my friends but it was a lie, I discovered that they don't care about me at all since I returned home from my student exchange last year, they don't care about my achievements, they don't invite me to play videogames or eat pizza like we used to do and even didn't bother to remember my birthday... It hit me more knowing that we're going to graduate in 2 weeks and I can't see them without feeling depressed.

I know that I should forget them and try to meet other people but it isn't easy for me, I believe that if they don't want me and the reason I lost my best friend last year is because something is wrong with me and nobody would want to be friend of someone like me. I've crying every night since April, I feel worthless and I don't have anyone to talk about this. I feel that I shouldn't post this because is not a big problem like others but I just wanted to let it out before it gets worse.
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Your problem is that you have shitty friends. It has nothing to do with you. There's a shitload of things wrong with me, from my physical to my mental health and my friends are fucking amazing and loving. I don't say this to make you feel bad but to point out that those people are out there for you, waiting to be discovered. Trying to maintain relationships with people who don't care about you is a massive anchor around your neck and you deserve better.
 
I need to try to get some sleep. I'm going to be tired tomorrow.

My sleeping schedule has been off, and it hasn't been a problem, but it will be today. Unfortunately, a friendly neighbour who lived beside my grandparents for many years passed away on Mother's Day. She was 94, so she lived a long life and it's easier to digest than my Mom's passing, but it still sucks.

She had been dealing with dementia and was in a home. I saw a handful of times when she was in her previous home, but never got to visiting her in this one and hate myself for it.

Her funeral is today. I thought about writing something, but I don't really know if I feel right butting into another family's service like that.

She was like a third grandmother to me, and I watched sports with her all the time. We had her up for supper a lot, as well as family events.

I can't believe I lost my Nana and Mom within 3 months, and all three of them within about 5 months.

Fuck.
 
Thankfully I passed into production at work from training. Signed up for insurance once more my coverage will start June 1st which can't come fast enough so I can resume my therapy hopefully at the place I was before. This past week has been super stressful and I am glad it's over now and I can just move on to just working and worrying to much. Still stressed over money but that should ease the more I work.
 
Bagels said:
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beautifully accurate description of loneliness, I used to be extremely introverted 4-5 years ago, and this was exactly how I felt.
 
Piano said:
Thanks for checking in, AD. I cannot rightly identify what the "block" is, the obstacle between your current you and the you you can very nearly picture as existing, but I think therapy will be of tremendous help in finding and coping with that block. Likely it has something to do with your military experience / PTSD, which is a whole realm of experience I cannot offer much wisdom on. In the mean time, self-reflection, journaling and meditation may be helpful, as well as doing your best to be consistently understanding and patient with your girlfriend and letting her know that this is something you intend to work on, and thus you appreciate her patience.
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Thanks for the kind words. Unfortunately, most things are mooted now.

I've had three more job rejections this week -- can't even get an interview to save my life -- and I think my girlfriend also broke up with me last night via text while I'm in the middle of a vacation to Las Vegas. (Which sucks, by the way; this is not my scene.) She's been a net positive influence in my life over the past four months, and thanks to her biting criticism about certain aspects of myself, I've changed for the better. Because she told me she wasn't attracted to me, I lost weight. I've gotten more cultured. I've slowly warmed up to her and gotten more comfortable around her. But the last straw was that she doesn't like the fact that I'm still friends with my ex-wife.

My ex lives across the country and I've seen her twice over the past two years. She's a great person and an incredibly helpful sounding board. I'm not hung on her at all. Yet my ex(?)-girlfriend wanted to experience "firsts" with someone, and she resents the fact that she wasn't able to do that with me. She resents some of the things in my apartment that are leftovers from the relationship. I really can't win here, and I didn't like being put in the position to make a choice.

Oh, and has anyone ever had friends ghost them? Because that just happened this month, and it really stings.

I guess I'll keep working on me, mostly out of inertia. But it's intolerably difficult. I'm two years unemployed, find it difficult to make friends and connect with people, and I'm just really isolated. Mostly, I've learned that trying hard and having good intentions really means nothing without results -- and I don't have those.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
I've had three more job rejections this week -- can't even get an interview to save my life -- and I think my girlfriend also broke up with me last night via text while I'm in the middle of a vacation to Las Vegas. (Which sucks, by the way; this is not my scene.) She's been a net positive influence in my life over the past four months, and thanks to her biting criticism about certain aspects of myself, I've changed for the better. Because she told me she wasn't attracted to me, I lost weight. I've gotten more cultured. I've slowly warmed up to her and gotten more comfortable around her. But the last straw was that she doesn't like the fact that I'm still friends with my ex-wife.

My ex lives across the country and I've seen her twice over the past two years. She's a great person and an incredibly helpful sounding board. I'm not hung on her at all. Yet my ex(?)-girlfriend wanted to experience "firsts" with someone, and she resents the fact that she wasn't able to do that with me. She resents some of the things in my apartment that are leftovers from the relationship. I really can't win here, and I didn't like being put in the position to make a choice.
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You shouldn't have to. She has issues that she needs to deal with. Jealousy is toxic as hell. It also sounds incredibly mean that she flat-out told you she wasn't attracted to you.

Oh, and has anyone ever had friends ghost them? Because that just happened this month, and it really stings.
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Yeah. Depending on how close you were to the person, it can range from irritating to gut-wrenchingly agonizing. I still haven't gotten over the last person who ghosted me (he was one of my best friends at the time) and probably never will.
 
Uni exams, 40 hour work week, side projects among relationship woes and I haven't felt a single percentage of the stress I used to have.

I wish I had made the decision to see my family for what it is before. I have just paid almost my whole salary this month on development for an old game idea I had and it'll release around the time I graduate. I feel alive again.

It's crazy that I was ever suicidal :|

However work is ass, and I fret every time it comes up. It isn't a bad place to work, I just want to squeeze out every second of the day on something productive.
 
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I started to read this collection of short stories from Dostoevsky earlier this week. It's helping put my issues of loneliness, anxiety, shame, guilt, and much more in perspective and I just started!

I give it a huge recommendation for anyone dealing with such issues. I had acquired this book years ago but I only started to read it now out of chance. But a big recommendation for anyone that feels incredibly awkward and that abhors social engagement in any form.
 
izunadono said:
Uni exams, 40 hour work week, side projects among relationship woes and I haven't felt a single percentage of the stress I used to have.

I wish I had made the decision to see my family for what it is before. I have just paid almost my whole salary this month on development for an old game idea I had and it'll release around the time I graduate. I feel alive again.

It's crazy that I was ever suicidal :|

However work is ass, and I fret every time it comes up. It isn't a bad place to work, I just want to squeeze out every second of the day on something productive.
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I'm pretty much the same way and that's why I detest pretty much any job I get my hands on right now. I just hate being in a place where I am constantly not being productive to what I want done in my life. I'm earning money but work can go fuck itself so hard. I hate money and I hate the 40 hour work week.

I'd rather be off reading, writing, drawing, listening to music...
 
izunadono said:
Uni exams, 40 hour work week, side projects among relationship woes and I haven't felt a single percentage of the stress I used to have.

I wish I had made the decision to see my family for what it is before. I have just paid almost my whole salary this month on development for an old game idea I had and it'll release around the time I graduate. I feel alive again.

It's crazy that I was ever suicidal :|

However work is ass, and I fret every time it comes up. It isn't a bad place to work, I just want to squeeze out every second of the day on something productive.
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happy to see you doing well! :)

sometimes posts like these gives me hope things can get better,
 
Piano said:
What I find interesting, Steamlord, is that the behaviors you describe are, in my experience, pretty normal components of the therapeutic experience. Our therapists need to know what our background experiences are so that they may better understand our circumstances and how we ended up who we are today.
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Right, I know. It's just that I've done it countless times before and it gets more frustrating every time, and he literally asked me to start from my earliest memory and just tell him everything...which is a daunting task.

And while the silences may be a bit annoying, they're meant to allow the therapist to observe where our mind naturally goes on its own; after all, therapy wouldn't be very informative if the therapist was simply leading the patient through what to say all the time. Watching our lines of thought can bring insight to how we're putting everything together.

Not that it doesn't bug me sometimes. Sometimes when my therapist is just quiet I call him out on it and ask him what I'm supposed to be talking about next. We usually find something.
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I do the same, but it gets awkward and I don't know if he's about to say something or if he's waiting for me to say something and I don't handle that sort of thing well, and when it keeps happening over the course of an hour or more I just want to get the hell out.

What were you expecting to be different in your therapeutic relationship?
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Eh, he just seems kind of...dry. I can't really relate to him on any level.

Also I was just kind of frustrated when I posted that because it was later that same day.
 
KevinCow said:
Parents might be kicking me out tomorrow. Got in a big fight with my mom because she's a stupid bitch. Have nowhere else to go, so my only real option is to kill myself I guess. Why does killing myself have to be so hard, though? I did some research and it seems that overdosing on my meds won't do the trick (and that method failed the last two times, anyway), and I don't have a gun or a way to poison myself with carbon monoxide. And then if I try and fail, I'll probably just wake up in a hospital with a bill that I could never possibly pay off because I have no health insurance. So I don't know what I'm going to do.
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Hey KevinCow, I don't post much but I lurk in gaming and off topic heavily. I've seen you post on here for years and I would be heartbroken to know that you weren't here or part of this community anymore. I also have no real place to live and thankfully I have great friends that have given me a place to stay for almost 2 years now. I half live out of my car as it is, so I know how hard it can be to not have a place to rest your head at night. Even if you have to stay at a mission, or homeless shelter just don't give up. There are also people there that can possible help and or know resources for people who are struggling to maintain a permanent residence. Just keep fighting the good fight and just think E3 is a month away. I know I tell myself often I'm only living for things like E3..to play No Man's Sky or see Blade Runner 2 next year. It may sound stupid but even those things ARE a reason to live and even if you can find one thing, just keep that in your mind and focus on it. I wish you nothing but the best and I echo others in saying that if your that close to hurting yourself in any way, I beg you to call a hotline or check yourself in somewhere. I'm one random person on GAF but one random person is at least thinking about you. <3
 
Ambitious said:
I should never have tried online dating. I feel so much worse now. No one ever replies.
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Ambitious said:
I didn't mean literally no one, by the way. I've got two replies. It's been almost have a year since I registered, and just two users ever responded. It sucks.

The first user was really happy about my message and wanted to get to know me (I can't even find words to express how incredibly excited and happy I was about that), but they also warned that they have a fulfilled social life and sometimes have phases in which they don't visit the site and/or reply for a long time.
Well, I didn't ask them to define "long", but it's been six weeks since my second message. Six weeks, in which I visited the site countless times on every single day, excitedly waiting for a response. But that excitement is gone. Despite their warning, I kind of don't expect an answer anymore.

The second one? Now that's funny.
Nice profile, nice person. They mentioned in their profile that they love to help people and invited others to message them in case anyone wants to talk about personal problems, because they'd be happy to help. So I did: I introduced myself, explained my situation, and asked why pretty much everyone is ignoring me. I pointed out possible problems with my profile and asked for their opinion on it.
They expressed their understanding and sympathy and promised to answer later, because they were replying using their phone at the moment. Two days later, they sent another message, apologizing for not having had enough time to read my entire message and think about it, and again promising to reply as soon as they were able to do so.
It's been ten days. I don't believe they haven't found some time to reply in ten days. I actually noticed them being online for hours on several occasions. So I don't expect an answer anymore. It's fucking ironic, isn't it?
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Three weeks. Nothing.
But "Message me if you want to talk to a stranger about your issues, because I'd love to help", eh? Fuck off, you goddamn asshole. I am so sick of this shit. God-fucking-dammit, I am so fucking sick of it.
 
jb1234 said:
Your problem is that you have shitty friends. It has nothing to do with you. There's a shitload of things wrong with me, from my physical to my mental health and my friends are fucking amazing and loving. I don't say this to make you feel bad but to point out that those people are out there for you, waiting to be discovered. Trying to maintain relationships with people who don't care about you is a massive anchor around your neck and you deserve better.
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I don't feel bad with what you said, I believe that you're right and maybe I should stop caring about them too even if I have fond memories of them before I left this country a year ago.

I made my first step, I blocked them on Facebook and it made me feel a bit better no having to know anything about them, the only problem left is our graduation but I'm going to try to stay fine. Maybe things are going to be better for me after that and I hope that I can find those people that are waiting for me, though perhaps not here in this place.
Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it :)
 
Been taking Zoloft since friday.

Current symptoms:

- More sweaty (especially when I wake up)
- Diarrhea / stomach feels weird
- Sticky hands

I expected the diarrhea and sweaty feeling, but the sticky hands is a weird one. I wonder if it's related to sweat. Thing is, my hands don't feel/look sweaty, just... sticky.
 
Last day of work I kinda blew it. Each day was the same, I noticed that none of the waiters were getting tips, and they wanted to have me as a runner for as long as their employee was still there (until the end of the month).

I choose this industry because it's the perfect thing for someone like me, where making others happy and smile is my own happiness. Not being able to take orders for so long was boring. Anyway, they noticed that I wasn't really into it (I really wasn't) and had "the talk". Ultimately I left knowing that I was very happy to leave, but because I am in the process of producing a game and having bought all the dev fees etc. I knew I needed a job.

Anyway last night, I went to apply for jobs again. Basically, a waiting job is like, super easy to get in London. It takes like a day. But I was thinking fuck it and applied to my dream place where I want to work (for both money and because it's AWESOME). Not too many hours later I get a call and I'm starting Thursday (while completing my final week at where I'm currently at to boot).

It doesn't need to be said, but there is so much opportunity that I missed out on by not applying or thinking I could ever do something. It literally doesn't matter if my game ends up bombing but it is a blast to make it. And now I start the one waiting job that I have envied for a few years.

So long as I keep my head down, between finally being able to graduate, working at this place and making my projects, by Christmas I would have done more of what I wanted to do than ever in my life. It took a long time for me to get this I guess. I still like living to make others happy though, so I'm stubborn as to what I dream about.

--

Is it weird that I get attacks or depressed when I don't feel helpful or make others happy? Like, I've known about that since forever, but is there anyone else who is the same?
 
News on the anxiety front - Bach's Rescue Remedy is effective in a non-dramatic, non-personality altering way. So far, so good. I'm not sure if it is possible to build a tolerance to it or not or if the effects will stay roughly the same, but I spent time out yesterday and today without an attack. A few senses of alarm in certain situations I find extra-stressful, but no attack. I would highly recommend giving it a try if the medication route doesn't pan out for you or if the idea of taking medication causes extreme stress in and of itself.

I slept like thing that is very good at sleeping last night, too. Will try and check back in next weekend with an update if anyone is hesitant, because a bottle is fairly pricey ($20 US) for a small amount. I'm also going to get some of the lemon pastilles from Amazon, in case anyone is spray-adverse. The spray does have a distinct flavor, sort of herbally/bitter on the side of dandelion greens maybe(?), but it isn't unpleasant to me.
 
So, I posted a while back...

Long story short, shit has been fucked. I had to drop all of my classes, I was failing them all. I've been living at home, thought somehow that was gonna fix my emotional state from the last post... didn't do jack shit.

Went to the school counselor (well they have a handful, I scheduled a appointment), got refereed to a psychiatric place in town.

Long story short, got diagnosed with ADHD/Major Depressive disorder. We talked for a while, she mentioned that I should seek therapy based on all the shit I talked about, I kinda agreed on the basis that I only start once I have my own car and my family doesn't know about it... cause a lot of what I talked about kinda centered around them

Idk... when ever I think about the family stuff... I just get really, really mad and pissed off. There are so many things I think about that should have been red flags that nobody ever actually did anything about in my teen years... and now I'm dealing with it so many years later trying to get my life in order...

shit sucks. but at least I'm seeking help.
 
Anyone have experience with stopping Depakote? I decided to stop taking Depakote (DR) after a decade of being on it (as a mood stabilizer for anxiety) and my prescriber said I could stop it. I feel like I'm in a better place and I don't need it any more (I have no idea if it's even doing anything for me at this point).

I went from 250mg 2x a day down to 325 for two weeks, 250 for about for 2 weeks, now I'm down to 125mg.

My concern is that I'll have seizures and other side effects, especially since I've been on it for so long. Since 125mg is the smallest dose I can take I was thinking of staying on 125mg for another 2 weeks then taking it every other day for a while. Then every 2nd day, etc.

Any suggestions would be helpful.
 
I stopped taking my generic Prozac after a couple of weeks because I kept forgetting about it. I then tried to start again, but forgot the next day.

I need to get back on it.
 
Teriyaki Blues said:
News on the anxiety front - Bach's Rescue Remedy is effective in a non-dramatic, non-personality altering way. So far, so good. I'm not sure if it is possible to build a tolerance to it or not or if the effects will stay roughly the same, but I spent time out yesterday and today without an attack. A few senses of alarm in certain situations I find extra-stressful, but no attack. I would highly recommend giving it a try if the medication route doesn't pan out for you or if the idea of taking medication causes extreme stress in and of itself.

I slept like thing that is very good at sleeping last night, too. Will try and check back in next weekend with an update if anyone is hesitant, because a bottle is fairly pricey ($20 US) for a small amount. I'm also going to get some of the lemon pastilles from Amazon, in case anyone is spray-adverse. The spray does have a distinct flavor, sort of herbally/bitter on the side of dandelion greens maybe(?), but it isn't unpleasant to me.
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This is homeopathic "medicine," right? You do you, but my spidey sense is tingling.
 
Bagels said:
This is homeopathic "medicine," right? You do you, but my spidey sense is tingling.
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I know, I am really against alternative "medications" unless traditional stuff fails, and even then I don't ever expect anything to work the way it is "supposed to". I'm highly skeptical even at this point if it will continue to have any positive effects for me in the long run, but it is working for now and I'm determined to enjoy it while it lasts.

I might have it it a little too hard today, took a second dose in the restaurant because that's a situation that's very stressful for me, ever since the car ride home I've been feeling a bit drowsy.
 
Teriyaki Blues said:
I know, I am really against alternative "medications" unless traditional stuff fails, and even then I don't ever expect anything to work the way it is "supposed to". I'm highly skeptical even at this point if it will continue to have any positive effects for me in the long run, but it is working for now and I'm determined to enjoy it while it lasts.

I might have it it a little too hard today, took a second dose in the restaurant because that's a situation that's very stressful for me, ever since the car ride home I've been feeling a bit drowsy.
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I'm glad you're feeling better, dude! Homeopathy just drives me into a blind rage.
 
Was going through my post history and saw a post I made here just over a year ago, said I really needed to turn my life around yet nothings changed since then, emotionally I'm still the same. I'm losing or lost motivation in most things I used to love doing, I just end up sleeping a lot. It's scary to think how little things have changed these past few years, I'm scared to think what my situation would be like a couple of years into the future, I don't think I can take it if it's still the same, years of my life wasted away bogged down with depression. I try to keep a positive attitude about everything but it's hard, it's so hard and I just feel spent most of the time.
 
Sectorseven said:
As a rule of thumb, how long does it take a therapist to diagnose someone?
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Mine have all hit me with one pretty instantly and accurately. It may also depend on various factors, like if they need to have you take more formal tests or trying to find a diagnosis that your insurance will actually cover the medication/therapy for, especially if you're borderline for many possible diagnosis.

However, the human psyche is a fluid thing in my opinion. I've been married for almost 17 years now and I still occasionally learn new things about my spouse. Don't get discouraged if it takes more than a few visits for whoever you're seeing to get to know you better before attempting to pin you down on paper. If their process or person is making you uncomfortable or unhappy, then it is probably time to start looking for another opinion. Some therapists will not share that information with the patient, especially if they are prone to hypochondria and self-medication.
 
jdstorm said:
I'm lonely and I feel worthless and aimless. Normally I'm the hopefull guy with a plan but I've been a train wreck for about a year now. There are people in my life who need me and rely on me, but I'm just growing resentful. I feel trapped and alone. They want and need me to be someone I'm not. I've been lying to people so I fit in their boxes of who they wish I was and its destroying my emotional well being. Now all I feel is shame.

i don't have any goals, any hopes and any dreams that I might have seem further away then ever.
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All I can tell you is that you're not alone in these feelings, friend. It's wild to hear someone else voicing exactly what I've been feeling for the past few years to a T. I put on a big smile when I'm out but it instantly vanishes when I'm behind closed doors and all I want to do is sleep so I don't feel the loneliness of the waking hours. Therapy is helping somewhat but it can only do so much. If I can offer anything it's that despite how far the dream gets away from you, don't forget it or let it slip away if it can keep you going. It might seem far away but it might pop back into grasp when you least expect.
 
Going through a range of emotions at the moment. Yesterday afternoon, I was bitter and resentful about the entire world, silently cursing non-stop. Then I became really depressed, just staring at the wall all the time, not being able to focus on my work. And then in the evening, my mood suddenly improved, and I became.. happy? And I still am today. I'm in a great mood. Just happy. Optimistic. Why? Nothing has changed. I'm still alone. I'm still being ignored by everyone. Why am I happy all of a sudden? This is strange.
 
So I've had anxiety and taken medication for it for a couple of years then the wheels fell off my relationship and I developed full blown depression, can't sleep, can't eat, thinking about jumping in front of trains etc everything was insurmountable.

I really didn't realise depression was a real thing until now. I made the smart decision to go see a mental health GP who diagnosed me and changed my medication from straight anxiety meds to an anxiety / depression combo and after 3 weeks I'm actually seeing silver linings again. Obviously the drugs are just a bandaid and I'm going to need counselling, I'll get to that once I get fully functioning again.

My words to anybody feeling like I did is just hang in there, it's cliche as fuck but things will get better, they may get worse first,because life is cruel like that but they will get better eventually.
 
jb1234 said:
You shouldn't have to. She has issues that she needs to deal with. Jealousy is toxic as hell. It also sounds incredibly mean that she flat-out told you she wasn't attracted to you.
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You're correct, and that's the position I espoused. Fortunately, she ended up apologizing, admitted fault, and mentioned that she had trust issues. Everything resolved itself, and while we're having difficulties (we both have more baggage than we let on originally), I'm proud that I drew the line in the sand while maintaining empathy for my partner. I think it was the right call.

jb1234 said:
Yeah. Depending on how close you were to the person, it can range from irritating to gut-wrenchingly agonizing. I still haven't gotten over the last person who ghosted me (he was one of my best friends at the time) and probably never will.
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This is the hard part. I just got back from Vegas with some friends, whom I now realize aren't that great people in my life. They're nice enough, but they don't add anything to my life other than folks to drink with. I'd love to meet people that I actually connect with and hang out with constantly, and it wasn't until I saw my girlfriend's life -- and her best friend, whom she sees constantly -- that I realized that's what friends were.
 
Yesterday I'm pretty sure I witnessed someone else having an anxiety attack. In one of my classes basically everyone had to ask at least one question to the professor, and one student never raised her hand. After everyone but a few people had asked a question the professor told them they had to ask a question, and so everyone did but one young woman. When the professor called on her to ask a question she made a really high-pitched "meep!", noise and then stuttered and looked nervous for what felt like at least a couple minutes while the whole class starred at her, until she finally said "I don't want to ask a question," and the professor moved on.

I felt really bad, because I felt like I had a good idea of what she was feeling based on her expressions and nervousness since I've had a lot of experience with anxiety problems (which....you can read about if you go through my posts in this thread). I guess it's kind of reassuring to know that someone else experiences these things, even if it does suck. It's also reassuring because a lot of my anxiety problems aren't really based in logic, and her's didn't seem to be either (asking a question wasn't hard or something that counted towards a grade, and she has asked questions in class before, though maybe there is something deeper and more logical that triggered her anxiety idk). I wanted to go up to her after class and tell her it's okay because I've had similar problems, but I felt like that would be weird because I don't know her.
 
Ambitious said:
Going through a range of emotions at the moment. Yesterday afternoon, I was bitter and resentful about the entire world, silently cursing non-stop. Then I became really depressed, just staring at the wall all the time, not being able to focus on my work. And then in the evening, my mood suddenly improved, and I became.. happy? And I still am today. I'm in a great mood. Just happy. Optimistic. Why? Nothing has changed. I'm still alone. I'm still being ignored by everyone. Why am I happy all of a sudden? This is strange.
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Actually, I was in such a good mood that I messaged someone on OKC again. "Thank you for your lovely message, I'll reply as soon as I have some more time", they replied. Yeah, I've heard that one before.
 
Alright so things feel shitty, and they feel shitty because I feel alone and isolated and don't feel passion for anything, so let's start with the first one: alone and isolated. I think this is fixable by getting out more and connecting with more people, but I can't do this because I need the find something to connect with. So let's move onto the second one. Could that be fixed? Probably. With all of the researching that I've done on this, it seems like the best thing to do is throw a bunch of stuff at a wall and see what sticks. The problem is that I've technically already done this. I know what interests (or used to interest) me, but it doesn't as much anymore. On top of just losing interest I feel like I'm doing everything alone. So I'm stuck in a bit of loop with no idea of what to do.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
This is the hard part. I just got back from Vegas with some friends, whom I now realize aren't that great people in my life. They're nice enough, but they don't add anything to my life other than folks to drink with. I'd love to meet people that I actually connect with and hang out with constantly, and it wasn't until I saw my girlfriend's life -- and her best friend, whom she sees constantly -- that I realized that's what friends were.
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Ideally, definitely. The best friends are the ones who are there for you, no matter what. There's real love there. They're rare as hell but I know there's some out there for you.

(People you have less of a connection with have a place too, as long as they're not using you or otherwise toxic. Everyone contributes something to your life.)

Alright so things feel shitty, and they feel shitty because I feel alone and isolated and don't feel passion for anything, so let's start with the first one: alone and isolated. I think this is fixable by getting out more and connecting with more people, but I can't do this because I need the find something to connect with. So let's move onto the second one. Could that be fixed? Probably. With all of the researching that I've done on this, it seems like the best thing to do is throw a bunch of stuff at a wall and see what sticks. The problem is that I've technically already done this. I know what interests (or used to interest) me, but it doesn't as much anymore. On top of just losing interest I feel like I'm doing everything alone. So I'm stuck in a bit of loop with no idea of what to do.
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What used to interest you? Do you feel you're depressed? The illness has a habit of making you lose interest in the things you enjoy.
 
jb1234 said:
What used to interest you? Do you feel you're depressed? The illness has a habit of making you lose interest in the things you enjoy.
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Going for walks, music, gaming, building things, reading, etc. At least two of those things are what led me to enter into my current major. Most things have an apathy filter on them for me these days. Even stuff like Disneyland lost a lot of its magic. Not all of it because it's Disneyland, but enough for me to notice. I already did the whole therapy circuit for depression. I stopped because I felt that I had learned all that he could teach me on dealing with it, and for a while it worked. It's starting to creep back. Kinda feels like my body is building up an immunity to life.
 
zeemumu said:
Going for walks, music, gaming, building things, reading, etc. At least two of those things are what led me to enter into my current major. Most things have an apathy filter on them for me these days. Even stuff like Disneyland lost a lot of its magic. Not all of it because it's Disneyland, but enough for me to notice. I already did the whole therapy circuit for depression. I stopped because I felt that I had learned all that he could teach me on dealing with it, and for a while it worked. It's starting to creep back. Kinda feels like my body is building up an immunity to life.
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Have you tried medication?
 
jb1234 said:
That's fair but I don't want you to have to suffer longer than you have to if there's something you could have done to help.
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Well with medication comes an entire new slew of possible problems. I feel like there's still something that I can do to get through this and not be such a burden to my friends.
 
zeemumu said:
Well with medication comes an entire new slew of possible problems. I feel like there's still something that I can do to get through this and not be such a burden to my friends.
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True, and it is good to consider all of your options. On the other hand, I am convinced I absolutely need my medication in order to be okay. If you have a long family history of depression (basically everyone on both sides of my family suffers from depression), it is more suggestive of some heritable cause. It could be something that can be treated without medication, but those cases often benefit much more from an anti-depressant. It's the same way that some forms of diabetes will not respond to improved diet and exercise without insulin.

On other thing to think about is that there are other medical causes of depression. It can be secondary to a thyroid problem, for example. So even if you do not want to take an antidepressant, you should still consult a physician. Some simple blood tests can rule out some easily treatable causes of depression.
 
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