Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

Status
Not open for further replies.
tinder is very often used for making token foreign friends here - a gay acquaintance of mine had this hilariously awkward experience when he realized some guy he met off tinder was just looking to practice his english.

"you mean...you're gay? Huh?"

also - plenty of profiles (here at least) that say "looking for friends regardless of gender". I've even seen a bit of that on other dating sites - thankfully not that many.
 
Then again, some people who write they just want "friendship" really just use it as escape card if the date turns out to suck. Well, I was only looking for friends! And then there are some use it so they don't look desperate/slutty/whatever other image they believe dating online will give them.

That's just a baseless opinion. How would you ever know if this occurs, considering that person would likely not admit that. I don't believe this ever happens.

TBH, it's because the same people aren't on every single app. I get replies to like 70% of people I match with, and I can only bother talking to people who already swiped right. Whether people want to date or not, it's too much management to go through those who wouldn't ever bother to respond. I can just send a Seal saying Hi and get a response and start a conversation. If I had Bumble, I'd use that.
 
That's just a baseless opinion. How would you ever know if this occurs, considering that person would likely not admit that. I don't believe this ever happens.
Most of the people who scour online dating looking for "friendship" are doing one of the following:

1. They are actually looking for friends (this is rare and fruitless, dating sites are for dating);
2. They use it as a shielding mechanism against past rejection; and
3. They use it as an excuse so they do not have to commit to anyone.

Friendship is the last thing on your mind when you're single and find someone you're physically and mentally into (see: all of dating-age).

And of course people won't admit these things on a dating profile. Do you know how much BS is spewed in many of the profiles posted online? Everyone there is a socialite, everyone there isn't into hookups (rightttttttttttttttttt), and everyone there values personality over looks.
 
Friendship is the last thing on your mind when you're single and find someone you're physically and mentally into (see: all of dating-age).

Literally, I know a few girls who use OkC for finding friends and I personally use Tinder for friends.

It's hard to meet friends outside of work/school. It shouldn't come as a surprise. A girl who says she's looking to be friends didn't always reject someone or are scared to get rejected, it can be sincere.
 
A girl who says she's looking to be friends didn't always reject someone or are scared to get rejected, it can be sincere.
Yes, I acknowledge that it can be sincere. I in fact said...

Most of the people who scour online dating looking for "friendship" are doing one of the following:

1. They are actually looking for friends (this is rare and fruitless, dating sites are for dating);

However, I have also found that people are full of BS on dating sites, as well. Case in point: I had a homosexual man message me recently. This guy had been creeping my profile for months. He finally messaged me, I responded that I was only into girls (just like it conveniently states in my profile). His response? He just wanted to chat, he had no intention to ask me out. Rightttttttttttttttttttt. I'll bet any money he'd hook up with me if I ever gave him the light of day.
 
Speaking of which, how much is intelligence important to y'all, and how do you measure it? Is it just ability to keep a conversation going, awareness of current events, education, what? Obviously it'll be practically impossible to nail it down to one thing, but I'm curious how you all approach it personally. I know people that could never get along with somebody who said they didn't care who is elected or couldn't name the current VP for instance.
There is intelligence and there is education. I'd say I value intelligence more than education, but that's such an arbitrary thing to "rank" that it's virtually meaningless.

What I will say is that I don't have a lot of faith in relationships that are based on a large discrepancy in either area (or both). There will of course be examples to the contrary, but I don't think that this usually works out - humans like to communicate with their partners from time to time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
There is intelligence and there is education. I'd say I value intelligence more than education, but that's such an arbitrary thing to "rank" that it's virtually meaningless.

What I will say is that I don't have a lot of faith in relationships that are based on a large discrepancy in either area (or both). There will of course be examples to the contrary, but I don't think that this usually works out - humans like to communicate with their partners from time to time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What about a discrepancy in quality of prime time sitcoms enjoyed?
 
I swear, I should really start work on my platonic friends meeting app. Anyone want to throw a couple thousand dollars in seed capital my way? We can call it Get-A-Friend, or gaf for short.
 
I swear, I should really start work on my platonic friends meeting app. Anyone want to throw a couple thousand dollars in seed capital my way? We can call it Get-A-Friend, or gaf for short.

That is actually not the worst idea I've ever heard

I would like it, so the people just looking for friendship can go there, instead of invading the dating sites

Nothing worse than going through a girl's profile and her seeming like an awesome person (OkCupid wise...she answers a lot of dating questions and sex questions from the questionnaire), but when you get to the bottom, they are only looking for friends. I despise you people, but understand it...I mean i don't think there is a find a friend app anywhere, so where you suppose to go?
 
In all seriousness, what are the costs associated with an app like that?

Servers, App development, marketing and what else? It's not a terrible idea at all and I do think it could find a niche in the market.
 
In all seriousness, what are the costs associated with an app like that?

Servers, App development, marketing and what else? It's not a terrible idea at all and I do think it could find a niche in the market.

10k at very least, depends on the functionality, branding, etc...

With algorithms to match, etc... it could go much, much higher.

We're currently building something on a much smaller scale with nowhere near the functionality, at a discount (for a partner of ours), and it's going for 3.5k (minus discount it would be 6, but we owe him).
 
10k at very least, depends on the functionality, branding, etc...

With algorithms to match, etc... it could go much, much higher.

We're currently building something on a much smaller scale with nowhere near the functionality, at a discount (for a partner of ours), and it's going for 3.5k.

The algorithms to match is actually my specialty. Don't know if I could replicate OKC's results, but getting a Match/Enemy % based off a survey of questions and matching "belief" strengths? Yeah, I could do that.
 
The algorithms to match is actually my specialty. Don't know if I could replicate OKC's results, but getting a Match/Enemy % based off a survey of questions and matching "belief" strengths? Yeah, I could do that.

How long would it take to build something like that? Curious, we've never had to use it. If we ever did we might learn, we might contract it depending on our work load.

Always good to have people on file. :3
 
Still nothing, even though she has been online a few times. Not just quickly checking for new messages or something; she was answering OKC questions for a while.

For the love of god, please don't ghost me at this stage. Not now.

A lot of people have multiple messages going on, don't be creepy/clingy by sitting and constantly looking at the app waiting for a message. If there is a pride festival going on this weekend, there are probably a ton of people on local dating/hookup sites. You should be seeking out others as well.

Agreed. Don't be creepin' her account or waiting for a reply. Give her some time, if she doesn't respond, send one more message the night before the festival and if there's no reply, move on.

Speaking of the festival, do you have any plans to go by yourself?

Oh my god. She just replied. I'm so incredibly relieved. Jesus..
She still wants to meet, but probably not within the next two weeks because she's got visitors from abroad. Sounds like she's not going to the rainbow parade either? What a shame. Well, at least now I have two things to look forward to.

(I know. I shouldn't get so hung up on her.)
 
How long would it take to build something like that? Curious, we've never had to use it. If we ever did we might learn, we might contract it depending on our work load.

Always good to have people on file. :3

Standard developer answer: depends on the project requirements!

Really though, we've already programmed the algorithms that would likely be used here. The fun part comes in linking them to the database and getting everything running on a computer cluster such that results can be generated and returned fast enough to appease the user.

To give you an idea of something I did in the past: I had a girlfriend that was huge into Yelp. I built a webscraper to pull down as much information as possible by recursively iterating through restaurants and users. I then generated a "review network" and used a series of similarity metrics on my girlfriend's profile to "predict" restaurants she'd like based off her prior reviews.

In this case, the similarity metrics would remain the same, I'd just have to build something to parse the data into something we use.
 
Standard developer answer: depends on the project requirements!

Really though, we've already programmed the algorithms that would likely be used here. The fun part comes in linking them to the database and getting everything running on a computer cluster such that results can be generated and returned fast enough to appease the user.

To give you an idea of something I did in the past: I had a girlfriend that was huge into Yelp. I built a webscraper to pull down as much information as possible by recursively iterating through restaurants and users. I then generated a "review network" and used a series of similarity metrics on my girlfriend's profile to "predict" restaurants she'd like based off her prior reviews.

In this case, the similarity metrics would remain the same, I'd just have to build something to parse the data into something we use.

Heh, of course. I understand that for sure.

Good to know you do this, and thanks for the insight.
 
To the surprise of literally no one in this thread, including myself, my ex-girlfriend canceled dinner plans. She's in the process of working out things concerning herself -- apparently, "accepting that people can change" -- and journaling. Still, no dinner, plus a rejection of my idea for coffee and a walk. She has a project due Friday, so apparently we're talking after then, despite me wanting to discuss things earlier.

She misses me and ostensibly wants to work on things. But statements like "you should move on," "I'm not happy with myself," "if I were you, I wouldn't wait for me," "don't wait for me," and "I'm not pushing you away, but being in a relationship is hard for me right now" mean that I'm taking her advice.

I'm going to give her time. I'm expecting nothing. And I'm done with dating (anyone else) for a really long time.
 
To the surprise of literally no one in this thread, including myself, my ex-girlfriend canceled dinner plans. She's in the process of working out things concerning herself -- apparently, "accepting that people can change" -- and journaling. Still, no dinner, plus a rejection of my idea for coffee and a walk. She has a project due Friday, so apparently we're talking after then, despite me wanting to discuss things earlier.

She misses me and ostensibly wants to work on things. But statements like "you should move on," "I'm not happy with myself," "if I were you, I wouldn't wait for me," "don't wait for me," and "I'm not pushing you away, but being in a relationship is hard for me right now" mean that I'm taking her advice.

I'm going to give her time. I'm expecting nothing. And I'm done with dating (anyone else) for a really long time.

Nope. Just move on. When girls say all that horseshit stuff, the best thing to do is say "Ok cool" and never hit them up again.

Don't waste another minute of your life on someone that doesn't want to be with you.
 
To the surprise of literally no one in this thread, including myself, my ex-girlfriend canceled dinner plans. She's in the process of working out things concerning herself -- apparently, "accepting that people can change" -- and journaling. Still, no dinner, plus a rejection of my idea for coffee and a walk. She has a project due Friday, so apparently we're talking after then, despite me wanting to discuss things earlier.

She misses me and ostensibly wants to work on things. But statements like "you should move on," "I'm not happy with myself," "if I were you, I wouldn't wait for me," "don't wait for me," and "I'm not pushing you away, but being in a relationship is hard for me right now" mean that I'm taking her advice.

I'm going to give her time. I'm expecting nothing. And I'm done with dating (anyone else) for a really long time.

You should get her out of your life, including no contact at all. This situation is clearly not good for you and you it is up to you to end being dependent on her decisions. Cutting the ties completely will enable you to get things under your control again.
 
You should get her out of your life, including no contact at all. This situation is clearly not good for you and you it is up to you to end being dependent on her decisions. Cutting the ties completely will enable you to get things under your control again.

I'm not dependent on her decisions, and I'm already moving on emotionally. I don't see the marginal harm in hearing her out when she says she wants to work on things - not after over 5 months. We do love and miss each other; that's worth waiting a bit for, especially when I have no interest in dating right now.

I agree, however, that moving on is important, and I'm already beginning that process.
 
I'm not dependent on her decisions, and I'm already moving on emotionally. I don't see the marginal harm in hearing her out when she says she wants to work on things - not after over 5 months. We do love and miss each other; that's worth waiting a bit for, especially when I have no interest in dating right now.

I agree, however, that moving on is important, and I'm already beginning that process.

I mean, closure is fine, but she's just stringing you along at this point. She's saying one thing ("I miss you") and doing another ("but I can't see you"). First it was her exam, then it was her family visiting, and now it's a project. Those are all important, sure, but more important than you?

I'm bummed that it ended this way, though. Holding onto hope that this is more Warriors down 3-1 to Thunder (you two are the Warriors) than Cavaliers down 3-1 to Warriors (you two are the Cavaliers, flip a coin to decide who's Kevin Love).
 
To all y'all talking theoreticals on friend finding apps, just please make it better than Bumble BFF. Bubble had a neat idea, but Bumbles own way of matching up makes it pretty bad... not to mention there's a low pool because it's... Bumble.

If Tinder or OKC went the BFF route it would prolly go better lol
 
After being in a relationship for 7 and a half years, a year-long terrible break-up and an 8 month relationship that fizzled out I have literally no idea how to even look into dating again. I don't have any problem, or rather didn't have any problem, meeting women and such but...I dunno. I just feel very apathetic when it comes to putting myself out there anymore. I was debating dating apps but have literally never used one and don't even know a thing about that scene. It's literally been 10 years since I've pursued anyone, I know what I'm doing in my 20s but I'm 30 now. I just feel kinda lost and tired.
 
After being in a relationship for 7 and a half years, a year-long terrible break-up and an 8 month relationship that fizzled out I have literally no idea how to even look into dating again. I don't have any problem, or rather didn't have any problem, meeting women and such but...I dunno. I just feel very apathetic when it comes to putting myself out there anymore. I was debating dating apps but have literally never used one and don't even know a thing about that scene. It's literally been 10 years since I've pursued anyone, I know what I'm doing in my 20s but I'm 30 now. I just feel kinda lost and tired.

Take some time for yourself or whatever, but once you get back in the dating scene you'll find that 30 is the best time. We covered this a page of two back. Al of us older guys do better than ever before. You have swifter range of girls to choose from and you know more about what you want and don't want. You'll be fine. Apps are great. Just download and swipe.
 
Any tips when talking to girls on tinder... And they say they can meet next week... But then u message them a few days later to schedule and they don't answer?
 
Wait, why are you waiting days after they say they're available to ask them out?

It differs for these past few I've been talking to;

- this girl yesterday I said to meet up next week, and she texted that she'll check her schedule. Then no response for like 20 hours so I text her today with some random message, but still no response 8 hours later

- then another girl last Saturday... said she's free on Thursday. So I said when and where to meet, but no response. So today I send another message but only been an hour since that happened
 
It differs for these past few I've been talking to;

- this girl yesterday I said to meet up next week, and she texted that she'll check her schedule. Then no response for like 20 hours so I text her today with some random message, but still no response 8 hours later

- then another girl last Saturday... said she's free on Thursday. So I said when and where to meet, but no response. So today I send another message but only been an hour since that happened

Doesn't sound like they are interested in meeting up.

As for the bold, TELL THEM when/where. Always take charge for the first meetup.
 
Question, last Saturday I talked to a girl I was interested in at her place of work, I had dropped by and basically complimented her and said I would love a chance to take her out sometime and gave her my number to text or call me if she was interested. She said that I was really sweet and I said I hoped to hear from her. During that exchange though I was obviously very nervous and I can't help but feel like I barely said anything or expressed why I was interested(or even tell her my name, though it was written on the piece of paper with my #).

Anyways of course I am torturing myself over not saying what I actually wanted to say, basically that I've enjoyed our previous conversations and although we don't know each other that well (only a few small convo's from previous times I'd been to her work) I'd love a chance to sit down and get to know each other over lunch or drinks and see if there was anything there.

Now I'm basically in a place where all I want to do is take one last chance at saying what I actually wanted to say now that my nerves are actually gone seeing how kind she was when I was trying to ask her out. That said I don't want to be a guy who can't walk away from things, or make her feel like I'm abusing the fact that I know I can see her by going to her work(that idea really scares me). I mean she gave no indication that my interest was an annoyance, in fact she was very kind looking me straight in the eyes and smiling, but that said I know I'm not in a good state to take a dis-invested view on the matter.

Help?
 
You asked. The ball is in her court now. Don't make it weird. She's allowed to not want to go out with you. You're way over invested. Divest yourself by asking other girls out.
 
Question, last Saturday I talked to a girl I was interested in at her place of work, I had dropped by and basically complimented her and said I would love a chance to take her out sometime and gave her my number to text or call me if she was interested. She said that I was really sweet and I said I hoped to hear from her. During that exchange though I was obviously very nervous and I can't help but feel like I barely said anything or expressed why I was interested(or even tell her my name, though it was written on the piece of paper with my #).

Anyways of course I am torturing myself over not saying what I actually wanted to say, basically that I've enjoyed our previous conversations and although we don't know each other that well (only a few small convo's from previous times I'd been to her work) I'd love a chance to sit down and get to know each other over lunch or drinks and see if there was anything there.

Be honest: how much can you really add to your sales pitch? You wanted to say that you want to " sit down and get to know each other over lunch or drinks and see if there was anything there"...that's called a date, and is implied in the act of you giving her your number.

You've had small convos before...she obviously knows what you look like. That's enough to get a good idea about you. If she wanted to call, she would've. Sorry bro.
 
I'm am totally accepting of her possible complete disinterest in me, that's not the part that bothers me. What bothers me is that I know I didn't show myself in my best light and I let nerves play a role in how I presented myself and my interest.

Basically I don't feel bad about losing when I put in my best effort, but I hate the feeling of losing when I know I could of done better.

That said I know what you are saying is true in regards to being over invested, that is certain.
 
Be honest: how much can you really add to your sales pitch? You wanted to say that you want to " sit down and get to know each other over lunch or drinks and see if there was anything there"...that's called a date, and is implied in the act of you giving her your number.

You've had small convos before...she obviously knows what you look like. That's enough to get a good idea about you. If she wanted to call, she would've. Sorry bro.

That's fair.
 
Oh my god. She just replied. I'm so incredibly relieved. Jesus..
She still wants to meet, but probably not within the next two weeks because she's got visitors from abroad. Sounds like she's not going to the rainbow parade either? What a shame. Well, at least now I have two things to look forward to.

(I know. I shouldn't get so hung up on her.)
Don't get excited yet. For all we know she's got another excuse in two weeks.

To the surprise of literally no one in this thread, including myself, my ex-girlfriend canceled dinner plans. She's in the process of working out things concerning herself -- apparently, "accepting that people can change" -- and journaling. Still, no dinner, plus a rejection of my idea for coffee and a walk. She has a project due Friday, so apparently we're talking after then, despite me wanting to discuss things earlier.

She misses me and ostensibly wants to work on things. But statements like "you should move on," "I'm not happy with myself," "if I were you, I wouldn't wait for me," "don't wait for me," and "I'm not pushing you away, but being in a relationship is hard for me right now" mean that I'm taking her advice.

I'm going to give her time. I'm expecting nothing. And I'm done with dating (anyone else) for a really long time.
I'm sorry, man. But don't "give her time". Move on.

I met a woman a few months back who told me similar things. This wasn't a relationship, but she also said I should date other women while she was "working herself out". I told myself I wasn't expecting anything, and I did go on other dates, but in actuality I was clinging on to the hope of her getting back to me. Within two weeks she found some other dude. I regret not cutting her from my life the instant she told me those things.
 
you can't see me but I'm making my best Joey smell-the-fart-acting face right now

Ugh, you watch Friends? We could never date.

I'm sorry, man. But don't "give her time". Move on.

I met a woman a few months back who told me similar things. This wasn't a relationship, but she also said I should date other women while she was "working herself out". I told myself I wasn't expecting anything, and I did go on other dates, but in actuality I was clinging on to the hope of her getting back to me. Within two weeks she found some other dude. I regret not cutting her from my life the instant she told me those things.

I'm sorry to say I agree with this. Hell, AD, she is actively making you feel WORSE about yourself, even when you weren't together. It's been tough reading over the last five months. If she's not ready to commit and wants to break up with you, but not really break up with you, then she's not respecting your level of commitment. All over you freaking out in the car? She seems to have little empathy in that regard - you've been through some shit.

You need to do what's best for you, and not wait on her.

I'm am totally accepting of her possible complete disinterest in me, that's not the part that bothers me. What bothers me is that I know I didn't show myself in my best light and I let nerves play a role in how I presented myself and my interest.

Basically I don't feel bad about losing when I put in my best effort, but I hate the feeling of losing when I know I could of done better.

That said I know what you are saying is true in regards to being over invested, that is certain.

Learn from this and move on. Revisiting it with her is in creeper territory. You took a shot, which is more than most people do. Be proud and be less nervous next time. You'll get your swag down eventually.
 
I don't think she's not willing to mirror the level of investment but rather keeping her options for as long as she possibly can.

You should have moved on months ago. No-one is worth wasting valuable months of your life while they 'figure shit out'.

Fuck that. No-one should expect anyone to put their life on hold for them for 'reasons'. Shows a fundamental lack of respect and a deep level of selfishness someone asks that of you.
 
I mean, closure is fine, but she's just stringing you along at this point. She's saying one thing ("I miss you") and doing another ("but I can't see you"). First it was her exam, then it was her family visiting, and now it's a project. Those are all important, sure, but more important than you?

I'm bummed that it ended this way, though. Holding onto hope that this is more Warriors down 3-1 to Thunder (you two are the Warriors) than Cavaliers down 3-1 to Warriors (you two are the Cavaliers, flip a coin to decide who's Kevin Love).

I'm bummed too. To be honest, I'm not sure she's stringing me along. This is the bluntest person imaginable, and if she wanted me out of her life, she would just cut all contact. I'm trying not to fall into the "let's rationalize this away" trap, but she wanted to talk, discuss issues, and thought it would take considerable time. On her end, she said that she needs to improve herself in order to make me happy, and that she wanted things to work out.

In other words, this seems way more complicated, and it's in line with her behavior, which is absolutely at least slightly crazy.

I'm sorry to say I agree with this. Hell, AD, she is actively making you feel WORSE about yourself, even when you weren't together. It's been tough reading over the last five months. If she's not ready to commit and wants to break up with you, but not really break up with you, then she's not respecting your level of commitment. All over you freaking out in the car? She seems to have little empathy in that regard - you've been through some shit.

You need to do what's best for you, and not wait on her.

It really has been tough living it over the past five months. If this is over (and it probably is, I'm under no delusions), I emerged a better person and I did nothing wrong. Believe me -- I'm totally content with that. And you're right, because she's thrusting agency back my way, basically daring me to de-commit so that doesn't have to make the decision to commit.

I'm basically trying to think of how I'd advise someone else in my position. Basically, I'm content with actually hearing her out, provided it happens this weekend. But yeah, I'm tired of the lack of empathy and the forcing me to change but not change herself; I get all that. I don't know. I'm under no delusions here. Like I said: mentally moving on, but the idea of dating someone new without taking plenty of time off just sounds horrible at the moment.
 
I'm bummed too. To be honest, I'm not sure she's stringing me along.
you're wrong.

This is the bluntest person imaginable,

Blunt people dont ask for breaks.
and if she wanted me out of her life, she would just cut all contact. I'm trying not to fall into the "let's rationalize this away" trap,

You are rationalizing it away. You cant seriously read this and think that isn't what it is.

but she wanted to talk, discuss issues, and thought it would take considerable time. On her end, she said that she needs to improve herself in order to make me happy, and that she wanted things to work out.

This is all bullshit. And fyi, people who say they need to improve themselves to make "you" happy are full of shit. You go through a self inprovement to make yourself happy. You dont go on a break to improve yourself for your partner who hasn't asked you to do anything. Do not buy this trash man. Its not true. This girl is playing with you. As Birdman would say she needs to "put some respeck on your motherfucking name".

It really has been tough living it over the past five months. If this is over (and it probably is, I'm under no delusions), I emerged a better person and I did nothing wrong. Believe me -- I'm totally content with that. And you're right, because she's thrusting agency back my way, basically daring me to de-commit so that doesn't have to make the decision to

Dont be comfortable with this dumb shit. If you are under no delusions just tell her you are not playing games. You meet today, or its done. Period.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom