Relationship venting thread...help me GAF.

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How close are they as friends? My best friend is a woman and we've shared rooms and sometimes even beds when necessary (cutting costs on travel or lodgings) without there being anything sexual or romantic going on between us, and while she had a boyfriend.

Don't listen to GAF's constant cheating paranoia. Opposite sex friends can be platonic.

Also, you've been in a relationship for ONE month. Maybe tone it down a little.
 
Wait, are they only sharing a bed on vacation or is that the everyday situation ?
If it's the first then yeah, it's a little silly to be worried imo, happens to me all the time. If it's the second eeeeh, I would be jealous too. I don't know if it would be reasonable but I would. Is it like, a situation that they both want or are they having money problems or something ? A friend of mine stayed in my appartment/bed for a month when she was having some issues and nothing was going on.
I don't see the issue with her going on holidays without you, I've done it before and I'll probably do it again.
 
She made those plans before she met you with a friend she has known for many years.
I understand this doesn't make you feel comforrtable, but I don't know what you expect her to do about it.
Are you already officially together after a month or still dating?
 
Sylas said:
Then stop lying to yourself and--I mean this harshly--get over yourself, my dude. You're not as important as someone she's known for over 5 years and it has nothing to do with how wealthy he is. Can you become that important? Yes! Should you expect it after a month? No. Absolutely not. Your girlfriend is a shitty friend if that happens.

Seniority absolutely means something when it comes to emotional bonds. Especially at the beginning of a relationship.
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Sounds like she just isn't that into him. Your weird attempts at making a romantic vacation with shared bed into a totally normal thing is entertaining though :)
 
MoeDabs said:
Sounds like she just isn't that into him. Your weird attempts at making a romantic vacation with shared bed into a totally normal thing is entertaining though :)
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Maybe it's just me but I don't see how treating your friend to a nice getaway is necessarily "romantic". I could totally be missing something here but I've also gotten the impression that my idea of romantic is hugely different from the majority of Gaffers.

Goin' on a vacation and getting champagne isn't really romantic in my view. Nor is buying things for your friend. Dude's rich. I'm not and I absolutely love treating my friends to things within my means. If I could afford luxury? You're damn sure I'd take them on luxury vacations. I funded an entire move for my roommate and myself--was that inherently romantic? Did I ruin both of our chances at any outside relationship because I wanted to help my friend out?

Hell, champagne is tasty. Who doesn't love getting smashed off of mimosas?
 
Sylas said:
Maybe it's just me but I don't see how treating your friend to a nice getaway is necessarily "romantic". I could totally be missing something here but I've also gotten the impression that my idea of romantic is hugely different from the majority of Gaffers.

Goin' on a vacation and getting champagne isn't really romantic in my view. Nor is buying things for your friend. Dude's rich. I'm not and I absolutely love treating my friends to things within my means. If I could afford luxury? You're damn sure I'd take them on luxury vacations. I funded an entire move for my roommate and myself--was that inherently romantic? Did I ruin both of our chances at any outside relationship because I wanted to help my friend out?

Hell, champagne is tasty. Who doesn't love getting smashed off of mimosas?
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If you could afford luxury, wouldn't you get your own bed though?
 
OP also said he thinks they are sharing the same bed, and apartment. By apartment I assume he means room.

OP, why do you think that this is hallening?

So until he says why he thinks they are sharing a bed/room, I'm going to go ahead and think he's being paranoid/insecure.
 
KiteBlues said:
If you could afford luxury, wouldn't you get your own bed though?
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Keyword is that the OP "thinks" they're sharing a bed. It sounds like overthinking the situation because he's looking for reasons to be insecure.

Depends on how big the bed is, though. Have you tried looking for a luxury suite that has two beds? The assumption of a lot of those hotels is--well, the exact assumption most people leap to. I'd not share a twin-sized bed because you're all cramped up and in someone's business. Not even a full-size, really. Luxury suites tend to have a bed the size of a goddamn NYC bedroom.

tempest3 said:
I'm thinking OP is the other guy and the girl is cheating on her partner of 5 years. Unless OP has met the guy and knows more about him other than what the girlfriend says. Or else, why would she be sharing a bed with her friend when he can easily afford not to?
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Why do you think that? The OP's entire thing is that he "believes" and "thinks" they are sharing a bed. That's a really shitty gut reaction to have when you're already feeling bummed out and insecure because they're going on a vacation. Until he knows for sure it's super awful to assume that the OP is the other guy.
 
Jpop said:
So until he says why he thinks they are sharing a bed/room, I'm going to go ahead and think he's being paranoid/insecure.
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I'm thinking OP is the other guy and the girl is cheating on her partner of 5 years. Unless OP has met the guy and knows more about him other than what the girlfriend says. Or else, why would she be sharing a bed with her friend when he can easily afford not to?
 
You met her for a month while some rich douche takes her away on expensive getaways...

Look, I don't want to be that guy but there's a good chance he's trying to put the moves on her and she's naive to a fault or she's "testing the waters". He could get any woman he wanted but he chooses yours. You have every right to be suspicious, because she's betraying your trust and not showing you respect. If you spent a ton of money on another woman you better believe she'd be upset.

For some people, the BF/GF doesn't mean squat so people will still hit on them regardless. After all it's only a month, not really enough time for something concrete, but look at this as a warning sign of things to come.

Personal experience from another couple, guy was a minister and his fiancee would oblige to be taken to expensive getaways from a rich guy who was also married. It got out that they were having relations and his oldest kid probably isn't his (signs are way too obvious). I think they're still married to this day, but the guy is a miserable as hell.

Hope you find a way through this.
 
Glendemonium said:
You met her for a month while some rich douche takes her away on expensive getaways...

Look, I don't want to be that guy but there's a good chance he's trying to put the moves on her and she's naive to a fault or she's "testing the waters". He could get any woman he wanted but he chooses yours. You have every right to be suspicious, because she's betraying your trust and not showing you respect. If you spent a ton of money on another woman you better believe she'd be upset.

For some people, the BF/GF doesn't mean squat so people will still hit on them regardless. After all it's only a month, not really enough time for something concrete, but look at this as a warning sign of things to come.

Personal experience from another couple, guy was a minister and his fiancee would oblige to be taken to expensive getaways from a rich guy who was also married. It got out that they were having relations and his oldest kid probably isn't his (signs are way too obvious). I think they're still married to this day, but the guy is a miserable as hell.

Hope you find a way through this.
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OP has known the girl for a month.

Friend has known the girl for 5 years.

Something, something, do the math. If they wanted to do the fuckin' they likely would have already. Respect isn't something you automagically earn when you enter a relationship. You still need to work for it and assuming she's cheating is showing a complete and total lack of respect and trust. OP doesn't deserve shit, just like nobody deserves shit.
 
A guy that just happens to pay for her trip to hang out with him for 2 weeks in the same bed and there is nothing going on there? Just totally platonic? But the guy has enough money to pay for a vacation, just not enough to pay for her a separate room?

All types of fucked up. Cancelling a trip isn't impossible either. It's a damn good excuse though.

Sylas said:
OP has known the girl for a month.

Friend has known the girl for 5 years.

Something, something, do the math. If they wanted to do the fuckin' they likely would have already.
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And you know they haven't?
 
Glendemonium said:
You met her for a month while some rich douche takes her away on expensive getaways...

Look, I don't want to be that guy but there's a good chance he's trying to put the moves on her and she's naive to a fault or she's "testing the waters". He could get any woman he wanted but he chooses yours. You have every right to be suspicious, because she's betraying your trust and not showing you respect. If you spent a ton of money on another woman you better believe she'd be upset.

For some people, the BF/GF doesn't mean squat so people will still hit on them regardless. After all it's only a month, not really enough time for something concrete, but look at this as a warning sign of things to come.

Personal experience from another couple, guy was a minister and his fiancee would oblige to be taken to expensive getaways from a rich guy who was also married. It got out that they were having relations and his oldest kid probably isn't his (signs are way too obvious). I think they're still married to this day, but the guy is a miserable as hell.

Hope you find a way through this.
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Why is a he a douche? I am confused.
 
Thanks for the kind words.

And wow...at some of the others.

We have met for a little more one month, yeah, but as I said, it has been very intense, we have been living at each others places a lot, and we enjoy each others company pretty much.
 
Iorv3th said:
And you know they haven't?
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I presume the OP believes they haven't because he entered this relationship willingly. Shockingly enough, sometimes you need to take people on their word without having evidence to prove that your own insecurities are just that.

Terra said:
Thanks for the kind words.

And wow...at some of the others.

We have met for a little more one month, yeah, but as I said, it has been very intense, we have been living at each others places a lot, and we enjoy each others company pretty much.
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Most relationships tend to start off very intense. That's my experience, at least. If you start a relationship off and it's immediately kind of a slow, dull burn it's probably a really different sort of relationship to begin with! If you're simply looking for comfort you chose a really shitty place to find it and a really shitty way of making yourself heard, man.
 
sounds like you're dating a sugar baby. So its still possible that she still loves you even though she is in the company and sharing the same bed as more successful and wealthier man.
 
In love after a month? Bro, you sound absurd.

It doesn't matter whether she's having sex with him or not, you don't have a very healthy relationship from the sound of it.

There's not a single thing you posted that isn't a giant red flag in this situation.
 
I'm sure they are in Hawaii getting smashed on mimosas, in his bed, not fucking. Sylas convinced me. Why else would you ask your single friend and offer to pay for everything. Because thinking he had alterior motives is just insecurity. Right Sylas? When does your gf get back from her vacation with this guy?
 
Terra said:
We have met for a little more one month, yeah, but as I said, it has been very intense, we have been living at each others places a lot, and we enjoy each others company pretty much.
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is she aware you two are a couple?
 
Sylas said:
Keyword is that the OP "thinks" they're sharing a bed. It sounds like overthinking the situation because he's looking for reasons to be insecure.

Depends on how big the bed is, though. Have you tried looking for a luxury suite that has two beds? The assumption of a lot of those hotels is--well, the exact assumption most people leap to. I'd not share a twin-sized bed because you're all cramped up and in someone's business. Not even a full-size, really. Luxury suites tend to have a bed the size of a goddamn NYC bedroom.
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I have actually, done it multiple times for friends and other, penthouse suites usually house multiple beds. But even some basic hotels house one bed and a pullout from a sofa.
 
MoeDabs said:
I'm sure they are in Hawaii getting smashed on mimosas, in his bed, not fucking. Sylas convinced me. Why else would you ask your single friend and offer to pay for everything. Because thinking he had alterior motives is just insecurity. Right Sylas? When does your gf get back from her vacation with this guy?
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I mean hey man, you're the one bein' a dick now. I'm just saying that the OP is sounding incredibly insecure. Other people have said they've shared a bed with opposite-sex friends and nothing ever happened--so it's surely not that unusual.

Why are people so hung up on buying your friend(s) things if you have the means to do so? Would you not? Especially a vacation of this magnitude. Friend didn't even know OP existed (and neither did the girl) when he planned the thing--in all likelihood. I'd be more than a little pissed off if a friend of multiple years went, "Oh, hey. I know you wanted to go on this nice vacation but I just started dating someone, emphasis on just, and I don't want to upset them. Gotta bail!"

KiteBlues said:
I have actually, done it multiple times for friends and other, penthouse suites usually house multiple beds. But even some basic hotels house one bed and a pullout from a sofa.
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Alright, fair point! I've said it before, though. If they are sharing a bed? Sure, be a little iffy on that. Understand that while it's unusual, it's something that does happen. However maybe take someone on their word without jumping to a conclusion.

I ask again, why does OP "think" that they're sharing a bed?
 
Sylas said:
Why do you think that? The OP's entire thing is that he "believes" and "thinks" they are sharing a bed. That's a really shitty gut reaction to have when you're already feeling bummed out and insecure because they're going on a vacation. Until he knows for sure it's super awful to assume that the OP is the other guy.
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It is a speculation based on OP's speculation. It could go either way. We don't know for sure what OP knows about the other guy. From OP thinking they share an apartment and also bed, it sounds more like they are in a relationship.

I don't see how it is more or less awful to assume the guy is shady or doing something wrong. Until we know for sure, the other guy is perfectly innocent. We really need more clarification from OP like if the guy friend knows of him or not or if they are certainly sharing a bed at home or on vacation. And why it was impossible to cancel the trip/just not go. It is all wild speculation until OP know if they actually share an apartment or bed. Given how he describes their feelings towards each other, I think he should at least know if she is sharing an apartment/bed with this guy.
 
Youve only been together for a month, you guys are already in love supposedly, but yet she still decides to go on a trip with some rich dude where they have to share one bed????

OP theres a 95% chance your girl is getting dicked down as we speak
 
Sylas said:
I mean hey man, you're the one bein' a dick now. I'm just saying that the OP is sounding incredibly insecure. Other people have said they've shared a bed with opposite-sex friends and nothing ever happened--so it's surely not that unusual.

Why are people so hung up on buying your friend(s) things if you have the means to do so? Would you not?


Alright, fair point! I've said it before, though. If they are sharing a bed? Sure, be a little iffy on that. Understand that while it's unusual, it's something that does happen. However maybe take someone on their word without jumping to a conclusion.

I ask again, why does OP "think" that they're sharing a bed?
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Sure. I'm sure everyone's SO spends multiple nights in bed with the opposite sex. Totally normal.


Lol
 
Terra said:
Thanks for the kind words.

And wow...at some of the others.

We have met for a little more one month, yeah, but as I said, it has been very intense, we have been living at each others places a lot, and we enjoy each others company pretty much.
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Did you see evidence of another guy staying at her place or were you just thinking the worst? Because it would certainly change things if they weren't actually staying together aside from the trip.
 
MoeDabs said:
Sure. I'm sure everyone's SO spends multiple nights in bed with the opposite sex. Totally normal.


Lol
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I can go ahead and quote the people that have said it's happened before, but hey. Not gonna. If you aren't comfortable with it that's totally fine! I've just been saying that it can and does happen.

Y'all are leaping to the same conclusion OP has with precisely the same amount of evidence the OP has. That's, uh. That's a total and complete lack of respect for the girl in question. Why would you stay in a relationship with someone you immediately don't trust? Is the sex that good?
 
I'd be totally cool with....

my girlfriend sharing a bed.....

with a guy......

on a 2 week vacation.....

to a romantic resort.......

with a rich dude........

with champagne on ice.....

Of course nothings going on, what on earth could make you think otherwise!
 
Sylas said:
I can go ahead and quote the people that have said it's happened before, but hey. Not gonna. If you aren't comfortable with it that's totally fine! I've just been saying that it can and does happen.

Y'all are leaping to the same conclusion OP has with precisely the same amount of evidence the OP has. That's, uh. That's a total and complete lack of respect for the girl in question.
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ayyyyy, respect? haha wrong word for sure. Trust, maybe? respect? is it respectful to the OP for his girlfriend to sleep with another dude in the same bed?
 
Sylas said:
I can go ahead and quote the people that have said it's happened before, but hey. Not gonna. If you aren't comfortable with it that's totally fine! I've just been saying that it can and does happen.

Y'all are leaping to the same conclusion OP has with precisely the same amount of evidence the OP has. That's, uh. That's a total and complete lack of respect for the girl in question.
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A few people in this topic doesn't make it z normal thing. Lmao seriously?

And I don't know or care about the girl in question. Why do you ? I'm just going off the info the op gave. I'm not respecting or disrespecting her. But continue defending her honor.
 
cwmartin said:
ayyyyy, respect? haha wrong word for sure. Trust, maybe? respect? is it respectful to the OP for his girlfriend to sleep with another dude in the same bed?
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He has no evidence to prove that it's happened. That's my entire point. To make an assumption with nothing to back it up is disrespectful.

MoeDabs said:
A few people in this topic doesn't make it z normal thing. Lmao seriously?

And I don't know or care about the girl in question. Why do you ? I'm just going off the info the op gave. I'm not respecting or disrespecting her. But continue defending her honor.
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The information that the OP gave about the thing people are harping on (that they sleep in the same bed) is a literal assumption. That's it. That's all it is.
 
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