Yeah, on romantic getaways lol.
Relationship venting thread...help me GAF.
- Thread starter Terra
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Yeah, on romantic getaways lol.
TheContact
Member
Yea but usually only if the girl doesn't want it, as to not ruin the friendship. I think the guy is always going to want it, especially after drinking
If you were a relationship for five years and she was going off for a guy she's known one month, then yeah, you should worry.
If this dude hasn't made it happen in five years and she's been going around dating other guys this whole time, what makes you think it's gonna happen now, especially since you two are in your lovey-dovey period?
If this dude hasn't made it happen in five years and she's been going around dating other guys this whole time, what makes you think it's gonna happen now, especially since you two are in your lovey-dovey period?
lightskintwin
Banned
OP, how do you look?
How does this rich friend of hers look?
How's your personality compared to his?
If it's about even, then you're in trouble unless his personality is kinda lame then you have nothing to worry about. If he looks better than you, richer, and is more charismatic than you then they're laughing everytime your name is brought up and she's answering your calls with her mouth full.
How does this rich friend of hers look?
How's your personality compared to his?
If it's about even, then you're in trouble unless his personality is kinda lame then you have nothing to worry about. If he looks better than you, richer, and is more charismatic than you then they're laughing everytime your name is brought up and she's answering your calls with her mouth full.
davidwhangchoi
Member
OP, one month is a very short time to put too many emotional eggs in the basket at this point in the relationship. she might not know how to handle boundries very well or doesn't view this relationship as serious as you.
good luck!
good luck!
After a month of dating, this woman clearly owes undying love and fidelity to OP. 😐
There is no mention of exclusivity in the original post. And why would there be? This woman not only doesn't owe OP anything, but she is actively trying to reassure him regardless.
If I was friends with this young lady, I'd tell her to explore all her options before settling down with some guy I'd met after a month.
There is no mention of exclusivity in the original post. And why would there be? This woman not only doesn't owe OP anything, but she is actively trying to reassure him regardless.
If I was friends with this young lady, I'd tell her to explore all her options before settling down with some guy I'd met after a month.
It's also normal for any room you could rent to have a 2 queen bed option.
The guy is wealthy so it's not like this is 4 broke friends on a road trip cramming into small hotel rooms.
It seems far fetched that these 2 have never been sexually involved. And if they aren't then this girl is either naive or purposefully using the guy to go on vacation. Which I don't blame her for, it just doesn't mix well with telling someone else you love them.
If you care about this girl, relax... She's young and having some fun. Try to focus on the idea that if you really love her you'd want her to enjoy life. The trip sounds fantastic.
If you can't handle it then maybe she isn't for you.
SmackDaddy
Member
Damn, wrong place to ask for advice apparently OP.
My advice is just to say fuck it. Let her have her fun and live life. If she loves you, she returns and you guys pick it up where you left off.
If she doesnt, apparently it was never meant to be.
You gotta learn how to be secure in your own shoes brother. That being said, love/lust/infatuation, whatever you wanna call it, makes you do and think some dumb stuff. Gets me every time.
My advice is just to say fuck it. Let her have her fun and live life. If she loves you, she returns and you guys pick it up where you left off.
If she doesnt, apparently it was never meant to be.
You gotta learn how to be secure in your own shoes brother. That being said, love/lust/infatuation, whatever you wanna call it, makes you do and think some dumb stuff. Gets me every time.
Buy a ticket and go with her?
Glory Fades
Banned
Visiting the most luxurious places.
C'mon OP. Don't be a fool, and don't allow yourself to be played the fool.
Love????????
Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner
You guys do realise that the champagne on ice romance aspect of the getaway is the brochure ideal, and not necessarily what every person or couple there will be using it for, right?
I've been away with friends to places that advertise themselves like this numerous times for non-romantic reasons, and on various occasions I've shared beds when it made sense financially with both men and women without the thought of sex crossing my mind.
The girl has been friends with the guy for five years. If they've been friends all that time then the chance that is all it is is more likely imo.
@OP:
Also, do you know anything about his life? Is he married, his sexual preference, gender identity? You say you think he's shady, what gives you reason to think so?
There isn't enough here to call it anything. The people saying "they're fucking" are either trolling you or biased because of their own experience (or lack of).
There's no way to know for certain, and all you can do is trust her and see how you deal with your emotions.
If you can't take it, be honest and examine her response. Let her know these trips can't continue if she wants to be in a relationship with you, at least not to locations that have a romantic setting and not if they continue to share a bed.
Do not, please, whatever you do, listen to the doomsayers on gaf. No good will ever come of that.
Lol.
I've been away with friends to places that advertise themselves like this numerous times for non-romantic reasons, and on various occasions I've shared beds when it made sense financially with both men and women without the thought of sex crossing my mind.
The girl has been friends with the guy for five years. If they've been friends all that time then the chance that is all it is is more likely imo.
@OP:
Also, do you know anything about his life? Is he married, his sexual preference, gender identity? You say you think he's shady, what gives you reason to think so?
There isn't enough here to call it anything. The people saying "they're fucking" are either trolling you or biased because of their own experience (or lack of).
There's no way to know for certain, and all you can do is trust her and see how you deal with your emotions.
If you can't take it, be honest and examine her response. Let her know these trips can't continue if she wants to be in a relationship with you, at least not to locations that have a romantic setting and not if they continue to share a bed.
Do not, please, whatever you do, listen to the doomsayers on gaf. No good will ever come of that.
Lol.
And I would agree with that. She is her own person, and is going to do what she wants. The issue is that OP believes that they are in love (with each other, mind you), and seems to think that they are exclusive, as well.
You know you can make your point without being a sarcastic prick right? Because there is a cultural difference between the US and other European cultures about sex and what constitutes as 'sexual' and 'platonic'.
Yeah, its entirely possible to be platonic friends. This however doesn't seem like a normal, everyday situation. I'd be very surprised if at least one of them doesn't have something more in mind. The guy. Definitely the guy.
I'm sure the guy has enough money to either go by himself, choose another single friend, or go in a group of friends. Sometimes the most obvious answer is the correct one. Anything else in this situation is second guessing IMO.
The girl is going along with this too. I'm sure she is saying all the right stuff like "I'd rather be with OP" but talk is cheap and her actions speak louder than words here. I wouldn't expect anyone to cancel pre-arranged plans. These particular plans though don't add up to a normal platonic friendship though. I think the OP has every right to feel weird about it. C'mon seriously?
However I'm not saying the girl is going to romantically get with the guy. She is being incredibly naive though to think this is fine, especially IF the single bed thing is true. We've had conversations on GAF before about cheating. A good idea to avoid temptation is not putting yourself in dangerous situations. If I stayed over at a platonic gf's house I wouldn't sleep in her bed if I had a romantic gf. a) she wouldn't like it b) it's avoiding a potentially awkward situation. You need to trust your partner to make the right decisions. There are rare situations where that is unavoidable, and that's when you need 100% trust. This however doesn't sound like one of these times. She knows exactly what she has agreed to ahead of time in terms of sleeping arrangements.
Does Mr. Shady even know about you OP, and your relationship? Odds are he might not.
I'm sure the guy has enough money to either go by himself, choose another single friend, or go in a group of friends. Sometimes the most obvious answer is the correct one. Anything else in this situation is second guessing IMO.
The girl is going along with this too. I'm sure she is saying all the right stuff like "I'd rather be with OP" but talk is cheap and her actions speak louder than words here. I wouldn't expect anyone to cancel pre-arranged plans. These particular plans though don't add up to a normal platonic friendship though. I think the OP has every right to feel weird about it. C'mon seriously?
However I'm not saying the girl is going to romantically get with the guy. She is being incredibly naive though to think this is fine, especially IF the single bed thing is true. We've had conversations on GAF before about cheating. A good idea to avoid temptation is not putting yourself in dangerous situations. If I stayed over at a platonic gf's house I wouldn't sleep in her bed if I had a romantic gf. a) she wouldn't like it b) it's avoiding a potentially awkward situation. You need to trust your partner to make the right decisions. There are rare situations where that is unavoidable, and that's when you need 100% trust. This however doesn't sound like one of these times. She knows exactly what she has agreed to ahead of time in terms of sleeping arrangements.
Does Mr. Shady even know about you OP, and your relationship? Odds are he might not.
Easy there Jr, there's no need to be a dick about it.
God Dayumm
Banned
Get attached in #2016 brehs
After 1 #Month brehs
Anyway, rich friends pay for couples. I've never known a rich person that invites someone on vacation alone without their partner. Unless they are fucking, of course
After 1 #Month brehs
Anyway, rich friends pay for couples. I've never known a rich person that invites someone on vacation alone without their partner. Unless they are fucking, of course
Hey I'm just trying to assuage OP's fears and be an antithesis to all the posts saying this definitely equals banging, when it doesn't necessarily. I don't really consider the champagne = romance, it's just rich people alcohol - and not everyone is easily wooed by posh booze. But then if OP doesn't trust her then there's not much point in staying together anyway.
To add to the discussion... OP, do you actually know if they're sharing beds and in a romantic setting, or is that your assumption?
If you're assuming, you're probably overreacting. If yeah they're sharing the same bed for sure, I would be a bit uncomfortable myself. I can understand having the same room (guy might be wealthy but why spend extra money?), but the same bed might be weird.
Anyway it comes down to... Do you trust her? If so, push the bad thoughts out of your mind (I'm sure we all have them from time to time), and be excited for when she comes back. If not, cut your ties and move on.
If you're assuming, you're probably overreacting. If yeah they're sharing the same bed for sure, I would be a bit uncomfortable myself. I can understand having the same room (guy might be wealthy but why spend extra money?), but the same bed might be weird.
Anyway it comes down to... Do you trust her? If so, push the bad thoughts out of your mind (I'm sure we all have them from time to time), and be excited for when she comes back. If not, cut your ties and move on.
OP wasn't even in the picture when the plans were made.
Mammoth Jones
Member
My now wife had a friend kinda like that when we met.
Guy friend, claims she never banged him.
But here's the thing. When we were dating for 3 months and she asked me if I'm cool with her going on vacay with dude I said "Sure". "Go ahead, enjoy!"
She was like "Really?!" And I explained that I have no problem with her doing her thing but that I wouldn't be here when she got back. She free to do her thing, I'm free to do mine.
She then understood there's limits and fell back with that silly shit. You shouldn't care what she did before you were a couple. But at the same time you should expect to have your SO treat you a certain way. Even a month in, I want to be respected. Going on vacay with another dude is a no-no for me. It's a dealbreaker.
Guy friend, claims she never banged him.
But here's the thing. When we were dating for 3 months and she asked me if I'm cool with her going on vacay with dude I said "Sure". "Go ahead, enjoy!"
She was like "Really?!" And I explained that I have no problem with her doing her thing but that I wouldn't be here when she got back. She free to do her thing, I'm free to do mine.
She then understood there's limits and fell back with that silly shit. You shouldn't care what she did before you were a couple. But at the same time you should expect to have your SO treat you a certain way. Even a month in, I want to be respected. Going on vacay with another dude is a no-no for me. It's a dealbreaker.
InfiniteBento
Member
Who the fuck goes on romantic rich getaways with "just a friend" ? And you cant cancel because the plans were made before you came along? He could have gone with someone else or gotten travel credit or any of the other hundreds of ways people cancel trips. This reeks of having your cake and eating it too.
Even if she isnt into the dude, she is using him especially considering she clearly doesnt pay for shit. She is allowing him to pamper her because she wants it but is more than likely feeding him "innocent" flirtations or just the bare minimum to get him to keep doing it. She's using both of you.
OP, get out of there asap. That is toxic as fuck.
Even if she isnt into the dude, she is using him especially considering she clearly doesnt pay for shit. She is allowing him to pamper her because she wants it but is more than likely feeding him "innocent" flirtations or just the bare minimum to get him to keep doing it. She's using both of you.
OP, get out of there asap. That is toxic as fuck.
Mammoth Jones
Member
I'm inclined to agree. Don't be a doormat. If she wants to go on a trip when she's supposedly in a relationship you should either:
- Ditch her
or
- Have an open relationship
That's cool.
I would be fine with it personally, depending on the situation of course.
Like, if my SO I'd been with for years developed a friendship with a guy and they wanted to visit, say, an exhibit in another country I wasn't interested in, and they'd be staying in the same hotel but in different rooms, I'd be absolutely cool with it.
If she proposed a week long beach vacation with the same guy, at a hotel where they'd be sharing the same bed, I'd almost certainly say fuck that.
A month in... I'd give more leeway, but after it happened if it bothered me to the point I couldn't be cool I'd let her know it was a deal breaker from this point on.
The point is, OP needs to feel this out for himself, not rely on the experiences of others.
Crimson_Gold
Member
Damn it all
kavanf1
Member
To work out how I'd handle this, I'd flip it. What if I were a guy who got invited somewhere hot and sexy by an attractive rich female friend, but in the interim I'd met someone and started a relationship with them?
For me, if that new relationship was something I wanted to get serious, I would cancel with my friend out of respect for my new partner. If I thought that my new relationship was ok but nothing serious, I would go with my female friend, and probably accept her drunken advances, if they happened - even if I wasn't the one who initiated them.
So my perspective would be, I'm not going to force her not to go, but by choosing to go she has demonstrated that she's not as into me as I am into her. I would mentally prepare myself for the idea that she's probably going to shag the guy at least once. And since that would probably screw my head up, I'd probably look to move on before my head got really screwed up by her. But that's just me.
For me, if that new relationship was something I wanted to get serious, I would cancel with my friend out of respect for my new partner. If I thought that my new relationship was ok but nothing serious, I would go with my female friend, and probably accept her drunken advances, if they happened - even if I wasn't the one who initiated them.
So my perspective would be, I'm not going to force her not to go, but by choosing to go she has demonstrated that she's not as into me as I am into her. I would mentally prepare myself for the idea that she's probably going to shag the guy at least once. And since that would probably screw my head up, I'd probably look to move on before my head got really screwed up by her. But that's just me.
thelastcrusader
Banned
Cheat as much as humanly possible in these 2 weeks so that when she comes back and gives you the sob story that she messed up due to alcohol you can be the bigger person and say "Pfff I've been cheating on you."
Seriously though, bail the fuck out dude. Don't let her guilt you with some you're just a jealous kid shit either. If she wanted to be an adult she would have canceled that trip.
Seriously though, bail the fuck out dude. Don't let her guilt you with some you're just a jealous kid shit either. If she wanted to be an adult she would have canceled that trip.
hurricanes
Member
She planed the vacation with the guy before you two even met? Then I don't think she could just bail out a friend of 5 years for a guy she's dating for a month. She should have book another room though, or at least sleep on a seperate bed/sofa. Sharing the same bed with not your SO is huge no to lots of people. I bet she won't be ok if you are sharing bed with a female friend.
And champagne/=romantic something. Don't be so paranoid.
And champagne/=romantic something. Don't be so paranoid.
lightskintwin
Banned
Real shit, I had a girl do the answering a guy she's been dating for a while call while she was giving me head and we were giggling about it afterwards The Game ain't got no love.
Don't worry, OP, I'm sure that's not happening in your situation. *snickers*
LT Snoshado
Member
This is very much true. If you and her are dating and the trip was planned before the two of you were together, everything might just turn out fine.
OP, if you think about it, maybe she was into this guy (or maybe not).. But the part that you're is missing is the fact that she decided to be in a committed relationship with you after the plans were made.
I'm hoping she's trustworthy and don't think you should freak out just yet
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Do you believe she could cheat on you? Do you trust her?
If no and yes, don't worry.
If yes and no, I'm sorry.
If no and yes, don't worry.
If yes and no, I'm sorry.
For an update, I have recieved multiple messages today where she urges me to believe in her that there is no kind of emotional bonding other than friendship between the two of them. And that nothing will happen, that nothing ever happened during the five year friendship, and she also tells me that she wants to skype/message with me during the vacation.
?
Pachi always uses the back door.
I don't want to sound cynical, but there's no way that guy doesn't want to pound her brains out.
I think she's either lying to you and has slept with him before (you can't really tell how honest someone is after only one month), or the guy wants her but he's beta as fuck and she just enjoys getting this luxurious lifestyle out of their friendship. In which case she seems a bit of a user, and really if she didn't care I'm sure she would have cancelled the holiday knowing full well it would make it awkward with you.
Regardless of what's going on in her mind, no guys taking a woman on these vacations with no sexual desire for her.
Ask yourself, would you do the same?
I think she's either lying to you and has slept with him before (you can't really tell how honest someone is after only one month), or the guy wants her but he's beta as fuck and she just enjoys getting this luxurious lifestyle out of their friendship. In which case she seems a bit of a user, and really if she didn't care I'm sure she would have cancelled the holiday knowing full well it would make it awkward with you.
Regardless of what's going on in her mind, no guys taking a woman on these vacations with no sexual desire for her.
Ask yourself, would you do the same?
I think he is pretty beta and/or gay (not out of the closet). Or so I judge by the conversation they have had on their phones up to this day.
I have seen their conversations as I have been at my girlfriends place. She has been openly messaging with him as we lay in bed together, so I have been able to see their conversation.
I have seen their conversations as I have been at my girlfriends place. She has been openly messaging with him as we lay in bed together, so I have been able to see their conversation.
Ryo Hazuki
Member
If this is the case I'd just chill and trust her from this point forward, otherwise you're going to come across as way too strong and clingy. Time to chill on the subject.
... but this. Did she show them you or did you just go through them? And if that's the impression you got why was you overly concerned or worried in the first place?
Edit: I think you edited your post to say you was in bed together and you could see them from there I think.
Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
Not all posters saying 'don't worry' but I think a good majority of them either have never had a gf or are secretly cucks wishing to be in OP's 'relationship'.
This made me laugh
Mass_Pincup
Banned
He's rich but can only afford a one bed bedroom?
Of course I did NOT go through them. It was just some messaging about the arrangement around the travel plans, and my girlfriend was openly messaging with him at this moment so I could see their conversation while me and her laid in bed.
Nathan_Drake
Member
This guy steals hotel breakfast. I don't think he makes sound decisions. and he drinks tons of milk. just sayin
Ron Mexico
Member
Minus the paying for the whole trip part (which isn't even really stated in the OP fwiw), yeah. I did. Multiple times. Vegas twice, Cancun, and the Toronto trip I mentioned a couple pages back.
Cancun was the best. The staff there is trained to pick up on every sales cue in the book, so naturally they thought we were on our honeymoon. Got tiring saying we were just best friends travelling the world together, so we started to get creative. Best one we came up with during the trip was when asked if we were on our honeymoon for the 100th time was to say "No, just found out I'm not the father." Seeing them completely unable to adjust on the fly was worth the trip alone.
eot
Banned
Assuming they're just friends and there's nothing going on between them, how would you draw that conclusion? Or is your definition of beta "not trying to bang all your friends"?
Please stop using the word 'cucks'
Sadly, I think people do.
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