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Can attraction grow for a man?

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I showed my wife this thread and she agrees with OP. She thinks it's good he asked for advice and thinks he is being sincere and considerate in that he doesn't want to hurt this girl's feelings.

She says puffy face can be fixed, just massage that side of the face and use more makeup. But the gum thing? Just make sure she doesn't open her mouth.


Your Entertainer said:
Criticizing OP for being shallow is stupid. Attraction is important.
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My wife agreed with this

she is being serious and I am all uhh wtf. I should totally make a "weird stuff my wife says" thread
 
Your Entertainer said:
Criticizing OP for being shallow is stupid. Attraction is important.
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Sure attraction is important, but "It bothers me when men don't have attractive wives" is a BIG red flag. And if OP comes asking for advice about his situation, giving information that makes him seem like an ass, people aren't just going to not tell him that he sounds like an ass.
 
Strangelove77 said:
Why do some dudes immediately think about how good a wife and mother a woman they've barely met/dated would be?
It's alarmingly how many times I've read this sort of thing here.

It's just...fucking creepy.

Make sure to compliment her child bearing hips while you're at it.
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This.

"Hey baby. Your face disgusts me but you look like you are good at producing offspring and being subservient to me. Let me ask GAF if I should date you."
 
TheGeniusArcana said:
Sure, but "It bothers me when men don't have attractive wives" is a BIG red flag.
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OP didn't say that.

He said "I am better looking than her and it's not often that you see a husband with a less attractive wife".

Ergo

'Can the type of relationship I'm considering, where I'm better looking than her, even work? What I've seen tends to suggest not.'
 
Attraction can definitely grow. It's a weird thing, but at one point you'll look at someone and it'll seem entirely different as how you viewed them before. Can be pretty great.

However, if you're having reservations already, before anything has happened (with the info so far it looks like it), then chances are you're gonna be focusing on those things and it'll only get worse.

Safest way to go is only date people you don't have any reservations about dating. Seems like setting yourself up for a fall otherwise.
 
Your Entertainer said:
Criticizing OP for being shallow is stupid. Attraction is important.
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Correct. Asking this behind some internet anonymity is the only place you can really turn to without having to care about judgements.

That said, sure. Attraction can also intensify in someone you already find attractive and don't have hang ups about, so why settle?
 
From my experience once yoou get to know a girl better she starts to look more attractive and her physical flaws become less visible.
Think back to highschool. When you started how many girls in your class did you find attractive? And how many when you were ending HS?

Now, there are limits to that of course. But in 1-10 scale I've found knowing a girl makes her jump 1-2 points easily.
 
Maybe also get a second wife that is hotter than you, so the pair of them average out to about your level of attractiveness?
 
TheGeniusArcana said:
Sure attraction is important, but "It bothers me when men don't have attractive wives" is a BIG red flag. And if OP comes asking for advice about his situation, giving information that makes him seem like an ass, people aren't just going to not tell him that he sounds like an ass.
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This. A large reason why the OP is confused and worried, is because he seems to believe that men are just entitled to have more attractive partners or that, that's simply the way the world works. He is genuinely concerned that having a less attractive wife means their marriage won't work, because it's so unnatural.

Jesus.

Just say you're not in to her and move on, OP. You didn't have to add the whole last bit.
 
Oh boy, this thread is promising.

And to answer OP's question, attraction does grow but I hope it doesn't grow for you. The way you worded everything speaks volumes. Also, I agree with the person who said the whole wife / mother thing is creepy.

But then again, this is Off-Topic. Creepy is kind of the norm...
 
Attraction can go, everything can grow.

It just doesn't always.


I dated a girl, and she was really lovely and great, there were a fair share of things I didn't like and wasn't into and was bothered by, but I've always been a real "all or nothing" kind of guy in terms of dating, so I figured this time I would wait it out and see how things went.

Problem was as time went on, my feelings didn't grow, but hers did. So while I continued to have doubts, her affections got stronger and stronger.

Even when telling them "lets take this slow, lets not get too into this and a head of ourselves" it didn't work. So at some point I had to break it off, cause it wasn't working for me and I couldn't let her keep getting more and more attached.



So its hard.

I think its made me realize the benefits of actual dating. Which is a thing most people don't pull of. Usually we call it dating but its really a steady relationship.

By dating I mean, literally just going on dates and keeping it at that, none of the... intimate hangouts and daily constant talking and such.

Maybe if me and that girl had just dated a bunch, things could have blossomed in their proper place, or we could have hung out with out it being so heartbreaking for one of us.
 
As someone with a cleft lip and palate, reading some of the responses in this thread is making me feel really good about myself.
/s

Yes, it can grow.
 
CrazyHorse said:
Guys I need some help.

I met this girl who is a very ethical and intelligent person. My problem is that I don't find aspects of her face attractive. To the extent that it really puts me off.
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Nope, cant reverse that.
 
Keri said:
This. A large reason why the OP is confused and worried, is because he seems to believe that men are just entitled to have more attractive partners or that, that's simply the way the world works.
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That seems like an unfair intepretation. A man and a woman can be at around the same level of attractiveness - the OP isn't saying that men are entitled to have a more attractive partner. Also, the OP is saying that he doesn't see relationships where a man is more attrative than his female partner often - the implication being that there's probably a reason for that.

Keri said:
He is genuinely concerned that having a less attractive wife means their marriage won't work, because it's so unnatural.

Jesus.
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It's not about it being "unnatural", it's about it being uncommon. And It's a fair concern - 'Is attempting this kind of relationship unlikely to work out?'. OP's informal research seems to corroborate that idea, and I'd probably agree too. Her unattractiveness to the OP is likely a deal breaker.
 
Attraction can absolutely grow or fade based on someone's personality and how well you get along. It isn't the be all and end all.
 
CrazyHorse said:
Guys I need some help.

I met this girl who is a very ethical and intelligent person.

I can see her being a good mother and supportive wife.
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.
red-flag-right.jpg
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yeah definitely - if you feel love for that person then the flaws become charming, works that way for me at least.

e: you however, should move on.
 
I know I'm late to the party but I don't understand why anyone would want to force a relationship with someone they're really not feeling it with. That's just a recipe for disaster.
 
Alienous said:
That seems like an unfair intepretation. A man and a woman can be at around the same level of attractiveness - the OP isn't saying that men are entitled to have a more attractive partner. Also, the OP is saying that he doesn't see relationships where a man is more attrative than his female partner often - the implication being that there's probably a reason for that.

It's not about it being "unnatural", it's about it being uncommon. And It's a fair concern - 'Is attempting this kind of relationship unlikely to work out?'. OP's informal research seems to corroborate that idea, and I'd probably agree too. Her unattractiveness to the OP is likely a deal breaker.
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LOL. Yeah, the reason is that men like the OP feel entitled to have a more attractive partner (apparently because they believe its the only possible way to be happy). Also, it's uncommon, because women use to have to barter with their looks, to find a husband to financially care for them. Women didn't use to have the luxury of selecting partners based on looks.
 
What's up with the whole attraction can grow stuff?

If you're not attracted to someone, you're asking for trouble.
 
The way OP talks makes this weird. From personal experience, though, I fell for someone once that was cute but no supermodel or anything. The more fond I became of her, though, the better she looked to me. I mean, I was rather attracted to her from the start, but my attraction to her did grow.
 
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