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[PS3GamerKyle]

GAF has been especially... strange, recently.

nah, the raw underbelly of GAF has always been socially awkward.

 

[lightskintwin]

LOL. Yeah, the reason is that men like the OP feel entitled to have a more attractive partner (apparently because they believe its the only possible way to be happy). Also, it's uncommon, because women use to have to barter with their looks, to find a husband to financially care for them. Women didn't use to have the luxury of selecting partners based on looks.

Use to? Despite women having more options, I'd argue that unequal power dynamic still exists.

 

[Opto]

gimme her number

 

[Miles Quaritch]

LOL. Yeah, the reason is that men like the OP feel entitled to have a more attractive partner (apparently because they believe its the only possible way to be happy). Also, it's uncommon, because women use to have to barter with their looks, to find a husband to financially care for them. Women didn't use to have the luxury of selecting partners based on looks.

While I can see where you're coming from, you're basically saying every woman who got married until recently only did it because they needed to find someone to take care of them.

I mean, what? So your mother didn't find your father attractive? She was only interested in how much money he could provide?

 

[TheSpoiler]

Wait is he even dating her? Did she even ask him out? Seems like he just met her and is deciding for her.

Like, hey girl, you ugly but just so you know I may or may not be sussing out if you are my type yet. Not that you have a type, being, you know, a puffer fish.

 

[tskeeve]

It can grow, but will probably not flip you from unattracted to attracted. If you honestly feel dissatisfied with your partner's looks, be wary - it can lead to resentment and emotional difficulty in the relationship later on. Speaking from experience here.

 

[Common Knowledge]

So I take it the people saying "stop being so shallow" would date someone they find physically unattractive?

I think it's the direct comparison to his own attractiveness and citing some random study about attractiveness of wives that people are weirded out by. If you're not attracted to somebody, you're not attracted to somebody. There's no need to think much about it. There's an implication in the OP that he thinks he's "above" someone if he thinks he's more attractive to them. Plus there's the whole sexist angle about having a wife's entire worth to her husband based entirely on her looks.


The OP basically turned what should have been a simple thing into a weird and somewhat creepy analysis on dating and marriage. Something that tends to happen a lot here.

 

[outunderthestars]

This.

"Hey baby. Your face disgusts me but you look like you are good at producing offspring and being subservient to me. Let me ask GAF if I should date you."

This is my read on the OP as well. It is really creepy.

I hope OP asks her out and she declines....

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

OP you're not thinking long term. Your kids may inherit her looks!

 

[Keri]

Use to? Despite women having more options, I'd argue that unequal power dynamic still exists.

There are still unequal power dynamics, but it's possible now for women to support themselves. So, the option to select partners based on looks and attraction exists now. There are still women who don't have this option, but for women in general the possibility exists.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

OP says there's more to it and then disappears.

These troll/tag fishing threads are lazily done nowadays.

 

[Rexatality]

what makes you think that?

Everytime I read this thread, it always makes me laugh

Bless you for this, mate.

 

[Kayhan]

Once you are married, show her this thread.

 

[Days like these...]

So I take it the people saying "stop being so shallow" would date someone they find physically unattractive?

Don't be obtuse its not the fact that he finds her unattractive. It's the whole 'she'll probably breed well, good little wife vibe if I can just get over the fact that I'm too good for her' tone of his post.

 

[cubicle47b]

Yeah, attraction can definitely grow over time, but you don't want to start a relationship with someone you're not attracted to. You'll (likely) just end up hurting her.

 

[lightskintwin]

There are still unequal power dynamics, but it's possible now for women to support themselves. So, the option to select partners based on looks and attraction exists now. There are still women who don't have this option, but for women in general the possibility exists.

I think a more interesting social phenomenon is how a great sense of humor/personality and/or artistic talent can make a man look much better looking to a more attractive woman than the opposite happening.

 

[wenis]

This isn't going to end well.

A lot of people weren't satisfied with the ending. I think Ted got what he rightfully deserved.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Ok some clarifications needed. I wrote that OP quickly.

I just got off the phone to a relative who said that all he looked for in a wife was a good mother etc... and that "prettiness" was not important to him. That is why I asked the questions in the OP in the manner that I did (it was in my mind at the time I wrote it). You may be able to tell that we come from a culture that does not have physical relations before marriage. And in these types of cultures we are unfortunately restricted to who we can marry because of the silliness of some people. We are muslim and although our religion does not restrict us from marrying other races, there are issues with the community which prevents it. Thus I am restricted in who I can marry and it's not something I am able to overcome.

I can date but no physical relationships. And the girl does wear hijab.

I have met/dated a lot of girls and I don't like the ones in my community. Girls from other communities are mostly out of the equation because their families are stubborn culture worshippers. Unfortunately I tend to be rather fussy about looks. I don't know if it's because of the way I look or because of the girls in my family being good looking. Anyhow call me arrogant or whatever. I can't help how I feel.

This particular girl is from abroad. I met her online. I have visited her a few times. And from a day to day basis I either find her attractive or a bit off putting. I wonder if it's her scarf and she may wear it differently each day. Or maybe it's that big gummy smile which I don't see on days that I like her.

It's been a year now and we are talking about marriage but these doubts bother me. She is a very very fragile/sensitive girl who was afraid of marriage (number of divorced people in her family) at first but overcame it after talking to me. She is pretty sure she wants to marry me but I am undecided. I will destroy her heart for years if I say no. On the other hand I do like her on some days. It's almost like I am meeting a pretty girl one day and one that I really do on like on another. I have never seen this in any girl that I have met. Usually there is consistency in how attractive I find someone.

I am in a messed up situation. Between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Keri]

While I can see where you're coming from, you're basically saying every woman who got married until recently only did it because they needed to find someone to take care of them.

I mean, what? So your mother didn't find your father attractive? She was only interested in how much money he could provide?

I didn't say every. I said it's "uncommon" to see more attractive men with less attractive women, because women had other concerns, by necessity. My mom found my dad attractive, but she also needed him to take care of her. So, she may have lucked out with an attractive partner, but she must have felt some of the pressure I'm talking about.

 

[TickleMeElbow]

This is the first image that popped in my head haha.

 

[Messofanego]

OP Please post a picture of yourself so we can gauge how ugly this girl really is.

Please, yes!

 

[Javier23]

Ok some clarifications needed. I wrote that OP quickly.

I just got off the phone to a relative who said that all he looked for in a wife was a good mother etc... and that "prettiness" was not important to him. Tht is why I asked the questions in the OP in the manner that I did (it was in my mind at the time I wrote it). You may be able to tell that we come from a culture that does not have physical relations before marriage. And in these types of cultures we are unfortunately restricted to who we can marry because of the silliness of some people. We are muslim and although our religion does not restrict us from marrying other races, there are issues with the community which prevents it. Thus I am restricted in who I can marry and it's not something I am able to overcome.

I can date but no physical relationships. And the girl does wear hijab.

I have met a lot of girls and I don't like the ones in my community. Girls from other communities are mostly out of the equation because their families are stubborn culture worshippers. Unfortunately I tend to be rather fussy about looks. I don't know if it's because of the way I look or because of the girls in my family being good looking. Anyhow call me arrogant or whatever. I can't help how I feel.

This particular girl is from abroad. I met her online. I have visited her a few times. And from a day to day basis I either find her attractive or a bit off putting. I wonder if it's her scarf and she may wear it differently each day. Or may it's that big gummy smile which I don't see on days that I like her.

It's been a year now and we are talking about marriage but these doubts bother me. She is a very fragile/sensitive girl who was afraid of marriage at first but overcame it after talking to me. She is pretty sure she wants to marry me but I am undecided. I will destroy her heart for years f I say no. On the other hand I do like her on some days. It's almost like I am meeting a pretty girl one day and one that I really do on like on another. I have never seen this in any girl that I have met. Usually there is consistency in how attractive I find someone.

I am in a messed up situation.

Let her go. The way this is going long-term neither of you is gonna be happy.

 

[AtomskEater]

I dunno, OP, putting aside culture and your opinions on attractiveness it strikes me as really bad that her smile is offputting to you. I would think one would want to see their spouse smile as much as possible, so if the level of gum in her smile drives you up the wall and you haven't gotten used to it in all the times you've seen her, that doesn't strike me as something that will improve.

 

[Izuna]

She talked to you, and wants to marry?

What year is it dot gif?

 

[Messofanego]

Pretty one day, ugly the next. Is she Mystique?

 

[CrazyHorse]

She talked to you, and wants to marry?

What year is it dot gif?

We talked lots. It's our ways my friend, nothing I can do about it.

 

[Slaythe]

Not feeling attracted is one thing. And of course you can learn to like a face or body.

But feeling disgust is another. Because you're repulsed by it.

 

[Keri]

I have visited her a few times...I will destroy her heart for years f I say no.

Yeah, I think this may be an exaggeration, OP. You've met a few times. She'll be disappointed she has to look for a new guy to marry. Her heart will be fine.

Anyway, your situation sounds almost like an arranged marriage. I think attraction usually does grow in those, but if you find her looks off putting you're probably better off finding someone else. I mean, it's one thing just to think someone is average looking. It's another to find them off putting.

 

[lightskintwin]

Pretty one day, ugly the next. Is she Mystique?

Two face

It all depends on what side he's facing.

 

[Galang]

Think about it this way, women have been doing it since forever.

That aside, you get acclimated to people's facial features within weeks, you'll barely notice it.

Definitely happens to me. Loads of crushes I've had on people have started just based on seeing them a lot. It was never outright disgust though.. I just didn't find them appealing at first

 

[Violet_0]

Dear potential future wife and mother of my kids

I'm sure you will be excited to hear that I have chosen you as one of my possible mates (may be subject of change) because I judge you to be a very ethical and intelligent person. However, while I was I trying to determinate if I find your appearance sufficently statisfying to consider mating with you I could not help but notice the asymmetrical features of your face and the fact that your gums are visible when you smile, an unfortunate blemish caused by your slightly portuded jaw

as you are no doubt well-aware of, a male of such high-quality genetic stock such as myself stands a better chance at achieving a high level of marital satisfaction when they find an equally exceptional specimen as their partner http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/19/marriage-study_n_4299002.html

nonetheless, I'm willing to entertain the idea that attraction can grow for a man, in time. I need to consult my trusted peers on the internet discussion board NeoGAF on this important matter, but hopefully I will soon be able to to inform you about my final decision

 

[Laekon]

I think you find this all the time. Had a short relationship with a girl in college who transferred away. Years later when I saw her again I thought she couldn't be the same person because she was no where near as attractive. Then I looked at old photos and realized my liking her had made her more attractive in my mind then she really was.

If you are looking for a long term relationship then looks is not on top of the list of importance for most people.

 

[Pau]

And from a day to day basis I either find her attractive or a bit off putting.

I'm going to go with no, don't marry her. Move on. She might be heartbroken but at least she has the chance to find someone who doesn't find her off putting.

Honestly, I can't imagine finding out that my husband felt this way about me.

 

[Alienous]

Don't be obtuse its not the fact that he finds her unattractive. It's the whole 'she'll probably breed well, good little wife vibe if I can just get over the fact that I'm too good for her' tone of his post.

"I can see her being a good mother and supportive wife" =/= 'she'll probably breed well, good little wife vibe if I can just get over the fact that I'm too good for her'.

You're contorting what is essentially 'She seems like a really good person' so that you can get annoyed at the OP. The OP is basically saying "I wish I was more attracted to her, because she ticks all of my boxes otherwise - can I make this work?'.

 

[Rad-]

Ok some clarifications needed. I wrote that OP quickly.

I just got off the phone to a relative who said that all he looked for in a wife was a good mother etc... and that "prettiness" was not important to him. Tht is why I asked the questions in the OP in the manner that I did (it was in my mind at the time I wrote it). You may be able to tell that we come from a culture that does not have physical relations before marriage. And in these types of cultures we are unfortunately restricted to who we can marry because of the silliness of some people. We are muslim and although our religion does not restrict us from marrying other races, there are issues with the community which prevents it. Thus I am restricted in who I can marry and it's not something I am able to overcome.

I can date but no physical relationships. And the girl does wear hijab.

I have met/dated a lot of girls and I don't like the ones in my community. Girls from other communities are mostly out of the equation because their families are stubborn culture worshippers. Unfortunately I tend to be rather fussy about looks. I don't know if it's because of the way I look or because of the girls in my family being good looking. Anyhow call me arrogant or whatever. I can't help how I feel.

This particular girl is from abroad. I met her online. I have visited her a few times. And from a day to day basis I either find her attractive or a bit off putting. I wonder if it's her scarf and she may wear it differently each day. Or may it's that big gummy smile which I don't see on days that I like her.

It's been a year now and we are talking about marriage but these doubts bother me. She is a very very fragile/sensitive girl who was afraid of marriage (number of divorced people in her family) at first but overcame it after talking to me. She is pretty sure she wants to marry me but I am undecided. I will destroy her heart for years if I say no. On the other hand I do like her on some days. It's almost like I am meeting a pretty girl one day and one that I really do on like on another. I have never seen this in any girl that I have met. Usually there is consistency in how attractive I find someone.

I am in a messed up situation. Between a rock and a hard place.

Sounds to me you should really break up with her. Sure it's going to be hard for her first but in the long run it's better for both you.

Also you should add this post to the OP.

 

[True Savior]

Pretty one day, ugly the next. Is she Mystique?

 

[sphinx]

this is really not going to work.

you don't love her in the least and it shows in your posts, you find her mildly attractive but that's it.

you being muslim, in a closed community and not being able to have premarital sexual intercourse isn't an excuse to marry whatever girl is available "because I have to"

wait until the right one comes around, a girl you actually give a damn about.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Yeah, I think this may be an exaggeration, OP. You've met a few times. She'll be disappointed she has to look for a new guy to marry. Her heart will be fine.

Anyway, your situation sounds almost like an arranged marriage. I think attraction usually does grow in those, but if you find her looks off putting you're probably better off finding someone else. I mean, it's one thing just to think someone is average looking. It's another to find them off putting.

There is more. Yes we met a few times but talked huge amounts on the phone. Remember she comes from a conservative background and does not get into relationships. So this is big for her.

Also she lives in a part of the world where she is a part of a religiously repressed minority sect and I fear she wont be able to find other men.

But in the end of the day it's not just about her situation because I too do like her personality and do find her attractive on some days.

 

[ImpracticalPassword]

I showed my wife this thread and she agrees with OP. She thinks it's good he asked for advice and thinks he is being sincere and considerate in that he doesn't want to hurt this girl's feelings.

She says puffy face can be fixed, just massage that side of the face and use more makeup. But the gum thing? Just make sure she doesn't open her mouth.

Uh, she's your wife and I'm sure she's a wonderful person but yiiiiiiikes on the "she can fix it with makeup and just avoid smiling or, uh, eating or talking".

And just in case this needed to be said, OP: just because a woman said this, that doesn't mean it should be something you should suggest to the woman you're describing. Like, don't do it.

 

[Enco]

It's been a year now and we are talking about marriage but these doubts bother me. She is a very very fragile/sensitive girl who was afraid of marriage (number of divorced people in her family) at first but overcame it after talking to me. She is pretty sure she wants to marry me but I am undecided. I will destroy her heart for years if I say no. On the other hand I do like her on some days. It's almost like I am meeting a pretty girl one day and one that I really do on like on another. I have never seen this in any girl that I have met. Usually there is consistency in how attractive I find someone.

I am in a messed up situation. Between a rock and a hard place.

Don't settle for someone just for the sake of marriage.

If you aren't attracted to her and fully ready to spend your life with her, don't do it.

You'll see her every day. Not just the 'good' days.

Marrying just to get it done will probably end up with you hating her and an ugly divorce. Obviously that's a huge assumption lol but you really don't seem ready.

 

[gatling]

I dunno, OP, putting aside culture and your opinions on attractiveness it strikes me as really bad that her smile is offputting to you. I would think one would want to see their spouse smile as much as possible, so if the level of gum in her smile drives you up the wall and you haven't gotten used to it in all the times you've seen her, that doesn't strike me as something that will improve.

Yeah. If you really care about her, you should let her go find someone who accepts her and finds attractiveness in her physical quirks along with everything else. God if I were her and you married me and sometimes found me disgusting it would wreck me. Imagine wondering if its a good day or a bad day. Nah, no one deserves that.

 

[Alienous]

Yeah. If you really care about her, you should let her go find someone who accepts her and finds attractiveness in her physical quirks along with everything else. God if I were her and you married me and sometimes found me disgusting it would wreck me. Imagine wondering if its a good day or a bad day. Nah, no one deserves that.

This I entirely agree with.

Relationships aren't charity, OP. Besides, you'd only end up resenting her for what she isn't.

 

[ThisGuy]

Don't date her. You'll never let this go, and constantly have your eye on other women.

Let this one go op, for her and you.

 

[CrazyHorse]

this is really not going to work.

you don't love her in the least and it shows in your posts, you find her mildly attractive but that's it.

you being muslim, in a closed community and not being able to have secual intercourse isn't an excuse to marry whatever girl is available "because I have to"

wait until the right one comes around, a girl you actually give a damn about.

Funnily enough I do have some feelings for her. But they are conflicted with how I feel about her looks. You can fall in love with someone on the phone and then feel not attracted in person.

 

[Pau]

Funnily enough I do have some feelings for her. But they are conflicted with how I feel about her looks. You can fall in love with someone on the phone and then feel not attracted in person.

Well you're not going to be married to just her voice so there's your answer.

 

[Keri]

There is more. Yes we met a few times but talked huge amounts on the phone. Remember she comes from a conservative background and does not get into relationships. So this is big for her.

Also she lives in a part of the world where she is a part of a religiously repressed minority sect and I fear she wont be able to find other men.

But in the end of the day it's not just about her situation because I too do like her personality and do find her attractive on some days.

You met her online. Why wouldn't she be able to meet another person online, who she could also speak to and visit with a "few" times, before getting married? It does indeed sound like her options are limited, if she's from a "religiously repressed minority sect," but I doubt very much that you are the only man in the world that meets whatever qualifications she's being forced to comply with. With the internet, she should have the opportunity to meet other men that are just like you.

 

[Rad-]

Funnily enough I do have some feelings for her. But they are conflicted with how I feel about her looks. You can fall in love with someone on the phone and then feel not attracted in person.

"Honey why do you always want phone sex?"

 

[AGoodODST]

It sounds like you should have ended it the moment you had doubts instead of dragging her along for so long.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

I need to be really attracted to someone to be willing to spend the rest of my life with them. I have a hard enough time staying sexually active with girls I find attractive. If I didnt think they were attractive, the sex life would probably be dead within a few days and considering how important it is for a healthy relationship, if it were me, I'd walk away and not waste both of our time.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Ok some clarifications needed. I wrote that OP quickly.

I just got off the phone to a relative who said that all he looked for in a wife was a good mother etc... and that "prettiness" was not important to him. Tht is why I asked the questions in the OP in the manner that I did (it was in my mind at the time I wrote it). You may be able to tell that we come from a culture that does not have physical relations before marriage. And in these types of cultures we are unfortunately restricted to who we can marry because of the silliness of some people. We are muslim and although our religion does not restrict us from marrying other races, there are issues with the community which prevents it. Thus I am restricted in who I can marry and it's not something I am able to overcome.

I can date but no physical relationships. And the girl does wear hijab.

I have met/dated a lot of girls and I don't like the ones in my community. Girls from other communities are mostly out of the equation because their families are stubborn culture worshippers. Unfortunately I tend to be rather fussy about looks. I don't know if it's because of the way I look or because of the girls in my family being good looking. Anyhow call me arrogant or whatever. I can't help how I feel.

This particular girl is from abroad. I met her online. I have visited her a few times. And from a day to day basis I either find her attractive or a bit off putting. I wonder if it's her scarf and she may wear it differently each day. Or may it's that big gummy smile which I don't see on days that I like her.

It's been a year now and we are talking about marriage but these doubts bother me. She is a very very fragile/sensitive girl who was afraid of marriage (number of divorced people in her family) at first but overcame it after talking to me. She is pretty sure she wants to marry me but I am undecided. I will destroy her heart for years if I say no. On the other hand I do like her on some days. It's almost like I am meeting a pretty girl one day and one that I really do on like on another. I have never seen this in any girl that I have met. Usually there is consistency in how attractive I find someone.

I am in a messed up situation. Between a rock and a hard place.

Is she a Gemini