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My coworker thinks I'm stalking her because I found her home address on a website
- Thread starter jadedm17
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Jason's Ultimatum
Member
You know I was just thinking how we haven't really had a legendary thread yet this year?
Veritigo_X
Member
I think both of these points paint a good enough picture.
And all it took was "I'm a stalker that also tried to fuck my niece".
Alright, well, there was a guy who had a lot of odd ticks and mannerisms. Oh BTW this was my college gig, IT dept at the university. He had a basic desktop job but showed up in a suit and tie every day. When he spoke he would do this weird thing with his fingers, like a spider's legs crawling along. Hard to explain. Short and wiry, probably early 40's, red hair, perpetual smile on his face.
Well the year I graduated I felt bad for him because no one ever asked him to go out with us when we had dinner and/or drinks on Fridays. He says "oh I don't like going out, let's just hang out at my apartment". I'm thinking, fuck, but I'm already in too deep. No one else would agree to go so I have to do this solo - dreading the coming Friday each day of that week.
He gives me his address and it's a part of downtown that looked bombed-out at the time. The place where Tyler Durden would squat or college kids like me at the time would throw parties without the consent of the property owners.
I show up and his building looks like something out of the Batman cartoon in Gotham from the outside. I go up and locate his place, knock on the big prison-looking door, expecting the worst. As the door opens I hold up the bottle of liquor and am like "time to hang!" or something stupid..... his apartment is immaculate on the inside. I mean, like, he obviously refinished everything. Expensive furniture, big TV (for the time), and the walls lined with art.
We hang out and he's weird as usual for a few hours. When I am about to leave he looks me straight in the eye and asks "what kind of hookers do you like? White? Black? Young? I can get some here in an hour". I declined the offer and got out of there. I thought he was going to turn me into a lamp shade.
I graduated, found a new job, and never spoke to that guy again.
Fear the old blood
Lord of Castamere
Member
How you just gonna turn down free hookers? rude as fuck.
This one had a good start, but stopped after 6 pages : My Supervisor snubbed my co-worker it was priceless.
Samurai G0SU
Member
Hey Dad, our new Uncle Jaded tried to kiss me in the back room. I don't like him.
HideyoshiJP
Member
I really think for such threads we need a [Certified Legendary] thread tag and sweet badge put into OP.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Posting this for the new page (always crazy bacon, I'm breaking the first quote in case you want to ad the formatted post to the top):
For those of you just joining us...
It was the best of times, it was the creepiest of times, as one unfortunate young lady came to realize after a brief encounter with our OP, jadedm17. It all began when the two exchanged pleasantries and agreed to share a meal together in what was certain to be a run-of-the-mill case of an awkward first date.
But then things turned sinister. jadedm17 decided to search online and find this lady on a database, which had her name, address, birthday, and other such fascinating information. Now, jadedm claims that he only did this out of boredom after he coincidentally stumbled over the database the day after meeting this girl. To most of GAF, the timing seemed suspect.
Now, like most creeps, our OP could have gone about his life without anyone knowing about his seedy detective work, but unfortunately, jadedm17 made the classic stalker's mistake-- he let his stalking become known. When the two continued chatting after his search, the young woman asked about jadedm's birthday... Like... normal people do, as opposed to delving into some weird deepweb bullshit. When she heard that his birthday was in July, she remarked that they shared the same birth month.
jadedm17 replied:
Unfortunately, instead of coming across as a cool and charming space pirate, he just came across as a total weirdo. But jadedm17 was quick to explain that he knew through the totally normal and innocent method of searching some strange online database of Florida residents, thus making the second fatal stalker's mistake-- not even knowing just what the hell a woman is, I guess. She quickly retreated to the restroom where she confided to a mutual acquaintance that jadedm17 was creeping her out. Said acquaintance then informed our would-be Romeo that he had totally dropped the ball.
Now, while jadedm wanted to hear similar tales of misunderstanding to ease his mind, instead he was bombarded with what could best be summarized as "What the hell, bro?" Of course, he was quick to defend himself, trying his best to make it seem as if he did a totally normal thing.
And then he said these words for some reason...
Yet, he never admitted to doing anything that might be unsettling.
And along the way SunhiLegend stopped by for an accurate recreation of the thread's events...
So, that's the state of things currently. There's been some brief debate between stalkers and normal people about what constitutes true stalking, a lot of jokes at the OPs expense, and a lot of women making sure that their blinds are closed.
Now, the world waits to see what will happen next. Will jadedm17 make amends with his coworker? Will he learn to respect people's desire for privacy? How do you even use these databases anyway... Like... You know, just out of curiosity. Not to track down former business partners of a failed airline and exact revenge using training and connections obtained after joining the yakuza, or anything like that. That would be silly. I certainly wouldn't do that.... That's crazy. Even if I was a rogue yakuza enforcer-- which I'm not-- I wouldn't do that. It would bring shame to my oyabun. But just like... how do you use these things, hypothetically?
Let's find out...
I hope you replied with "Sorry, I only fuck family members. Especially if they were born in the same month as me."
...
You realize you need help, right? Like, professional help.
That line of thinking is just...
Fuck, dude.
brother's wife's niece...brother's..wife's..niece...
boy that's your niece as well
I'm just bumping some of my favorite posts in here. However, I highly encourage people to go read this from the beginning. It's a good one folks.
True clairvoyance.
Loulllvulll confirmed.
This gif killed me
ElRenoRaven
Member
Just wait till the Sunhi/mandrake collaboration Gif hits. it will be epic.
Jag
Member
What in the fuck. It has my 16yo kid's name, age AND address? WTF.
And
No shit, he's a minor. This fucking state....
Marky Mark
Member
The Salt Life
Banned
This thread is still going? Did Sunhil do a new production for the cousin romance or what?
Jag
Member
No. I just saw this thread for the first time and figured I would check out that stalker website for my last name.
Zeus Molecules
illegal immigrants are stealing our air
Wait when did he try to fuck his niece?!?! What page is that gem on?
Any Questions
Member
So glad have caught up
StanleyStutters
Member
Zeus Molecules
illegal immigrants are stealing our air
Wanted to highlight this excellent post:
jadedm has difficulty understanding how his actions come across to other people, to put it lightly.
His point of view: We're technically not related by blood so I should make a move.
Her point of view: My uncle tried to kiss me, what the fuck.
Professor Beef
Banned
jaded is that stereotypical creepy uncle at gatherings
That John Carpenteresque vibe was completely nailed at the end perfectly, haven't laughed so much in ages.
StanleyStutters
Member
Missed this earlier. Really great post.
I've mostly only been paying attention to the funny stuff in this thread but this is too true. It's fucked up.
TheMightySkyChicken
Member
Haven't seen a thread like this in a while damn lol
Doug Heffernan
Member
Pretty much this. I guess people just have no clue about family relations.
pottymouth
Member
OP is a strange one, no doubt about that... But yal tripping bout him trying to get on with his sister-in-law's niece.
Robot Carnival
Member
holy shit I read the first few pages of the thread and forgot about it. then saw it on page 1 with over 20 pages? I just KNEW something went down. and now that I'm all caught up, hot damn OP, you at least have the honor of having Sunhi and Mandrake both made an appearance in your thread and contribute to your story no matter how screwy it is.
in all fairness, I think you're just a bit too awkward and not too skilled in social communication. what you did, thou not really a good or normal thing, is still somewhat understandable. the only problem is that you can't recognize it's not a socially accepted behavior. you need to see and understand why it's bad and I think some professional help might be needed here. good luck and Godspeed, and keep off the social media for a while.
in all fairness, I think you're just a bit too awkward and not too skilled in social communication. what you did, thou not really a good or normal thing, is still somewhat understandable. the only problem is that you can't recognize it's not a socially accepted behavior. you need to see and understand why it's bad and I think some professional help might be needed here. good luck and Godspeed, and keep off the social media for a while.
Here's a tip: if you're concerned about whether or not someone you're trying to bed is legally defined as "family" you've already lost. Who cares if there's technically no blood relation? You shouldn't be choosing who you are and aren't going to date based on technicalities. Dude creeped on his extended family. How can anyone be ok with that?
Poor GRIMES
Banned
Off the top of my head:
I am fairly sure I just got a friend of mine fired (complete with Sunhi gif towards the end)
Help Me: I Want to Announce my Divorce in Epic Fashion
PassiveObserver
Member
Lol what a stain on Chrono Trigger's legacy.
To be fair, the people concerned about that are the Gaffers in this thread, certainly not the OP. Sure, he made a stupid post on that matter when people said "but it's your niece" (which isn't the case) but eh, it could have been worse...like if he went for her during his brother's wedding.
It also important how this roadtrip was conceived, as a family thing or between people who are of similar age. The first option would be a no-no in all circumstances, whether he sees her as family or not.
CornBurrito
Member
Oh god I feel your pain OP.
The worst is when you creep her out by accident. Its a bit like when I tracked down a Twitch Streamers real identity by cross referencing her screenname to a cache of her xanga blog on 2005 where she was wearing a wrestling sweatshirt from her junior high. After making a few 300 dollar offers on local forums it was pretty easy to get a copy of her yearbook from that year and her picture/name. Turns out she didn't have a facebook but her mom did and luckily I had set up an account for my aunt a year earlier which she stopped using after her divorce. All I had to do was post agreeable replies to comments her mom made on facebook forums, mostly to do with murder trials and it was simple to get her to accept my friend request. Her moms profile was a goldmine of pictures of my crush and really gave me a better picture of who she really was. When she came back on twitch she broke down in the middle of a hearthstone game and started crying her eyes out and I knew right away it was because her childhood pet cat had died and I without thinking said "peach was a beautiful cat and had a great life, I'm sure she's at peace now" and she immediately froze with that look women get and said "how the fuck do you know that, who are you?" before logging off and she hasn't been on since. Her mom even deleted all her pics off facebook (thank god I saved them all.) Just goes to show how even if you're not a creep you can still freak out a woman if you're not careful.
The worst is when you creep her out by accident. Its a bit like when I tracked down a Twitch Streamers real identity by cross referencing her screenname to a cache of her xanga blog on 2005 where she was wearing a wrestling sweatshirt from her junior high. After making a few 300 dollar offers on local forums it was pretty easy to get a copy of her yearbook from that year and her picture/name. Turns out she didn't have a facebook but her mom did and luckily I had set up an account for my aunt a year earlier which she stopped using after her divorce. All I had to do was post agreeable replies to comments her mom made on facebook forums, mostly to do with murder trials and it was simple to get her to accept my friend request. Her moms profile was a goldmine of pictures of my crush and really gave me a better picture of who she really was. When she came back on twitch she broke down in the middle of a hearthstone game and started crying her eyes out and I knew right away it was because her childhood pet cat had died and I without thinking said "peach was a beautiful cat and had a great life, I'm sure she's at peace now" and she immediately froze with that look women get and said "how the fuck do you know that, who are you?" before logging off and she hasn't been on since. Her mom even deleted all her pics off facebook (thank god I saved them all.) Just goes to show how even if you're not a creep you can still freak out a woman if you're not careful.
That's the problem, OP isn't concerned about that. According to him we're all related to apes, so it's fine if we fuck our (extended) family members!
lmao
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