Since we're talking about autism, in the autism thread. I would like to share a story of an incident that occurred on my son's bus yesterday.
So my son is 6 yrs old, in kindergarten and rides the bus with his brother home everyday. The bus ride is like 40 minutes or so. Yesterday my son gets off the bus crying hysterically. I found out he was wiping chap-stick on his finger, then on the back of a seat. The Bus driver took the chap-stick from him. The was still chap-stick residue on the back of the seat in front of my son. He wiped (gathered) some off with his finger and was looking at it. Then some 4th grader, that was sitting behind him, got up and punched my son in the dick. WTF!!!!
We emailed and called the school. My wife is like "I want to know the other kid's reasons." I went all caveman, and just want to muay thia kick that kid in his 4th grader junk.
My Ex and Current wife are old school. We had a issue with my school being bullied last year and told the school and went straight to the kids house and talked to his parent. Let's just say it never happened again. LOL
Edit: My kid is 9 and has autism.
Well now I feel bad. Apparently the 4th Grader is also on the spectrum. My son was making too much noise, so he decided to hit him. The school talked to him and he feels really bad about hitting my son in the dick. I'm not sure he feels bad about hitting my son. Oh well, at least he learned that it's not cool to hit people.
That changes everything.
You can still have compassion even if you're angry. They're different emotions.I know. I'm so glad my wife handles these interactions. I feel like shit for being angry.
Here you go, not sure about reputable but brought up by a modHello all
I was diagnosed with Asperger's in 2011
But does anyone here know any dating reputable dating sites for high functioning austic people?
Has anyone used or are familiar with these sites? Learned about them from my peer group
https://autisticdating.net/
https://www.spectrumsingles.com/
Here you go, not sure about reputable but brought up by a mod
My six-year-old son finished mainstream kindergarten last week, and we're as proud as can be, but his behavior has been the worst it's been in years since about a week or so before school even ended.
It's clear that it started around the time that they started doing "end of year" activities and we have had many talks with him about how he's sad that school is ending, he misses his teacher, wishes she could teach him again next year, and so on. Sometimes our talks make him start crying, sometimes he seems hopeful and understanding. But then later that day, or the next day if we're lucky, he will argue and fight with us over rules and normal activities (time for bed, etc.). Sometimes it's angrier arguing than usual, but more and more frequently, he screams at us and stomps his feet and DEMANDS that we leave him alone so he can have fun or whatever.
My wife has been home from work this week, and says that he has started hitting her with closed fists - something he hasn't done in years. She's absolutely at her wit's end.
In addition to talking to him about his situation, we've read him social stories, we've rewarded him for finishing school, we've been discussing play dates (unfortunately, no luck hearing back from parents yet), and we've tried our normal methods of taking away TV time and so on for bad behavior. I've been asking around for advice and was told to try positive reinforcement, but so far he just screams and hits and demands to have whatever he wants instead of earning it with good behavior.
He is in a group ABA therapy, but that's only twice per week for a couple of hours each time. Any other advice would be appreciated.
Well, since I chimed in last year, suppose I can do so again.
Unfortunately, it sounds like you've hit that unfortunate phase where he's now especially conscious of the concept of change, and if autistic people often loathe anything, it's change. His mind is likely struggling to come to terms with it, both because of the disruption to his broader routine in itself, but also because it's breaking down the expectations he has for what should/shouldn't be normal. It may be he's trying to retreat into what he considers fun as a means of stress relief, and in so doing, taking his frustrations out on you two. While with his expectations for what is/isn't normal/right being broken down by the change, it might be making him question things in a less than constructive manner. Ie, if school can end, why can't he stay up longer, etc?
Is there any additional context as to when he's physically gotten violent? Is it just an extension of ill response to being told what to do, or is there some particular topic that's set him off? Has he just done it out of the blue for no seeming reason?
You also mention talking to him about his situation - has that mainly been in the context of how he's sad over school ending but that's not so bad, or has it like, been about his behaviour, or...?
I am. Although my appointment is 7 months out. There are resources to help you if you feel like you're struggling in life, especially with work or school. Just depends on how much you want to know and if you think it'll change anything in life.Is there any benefit to getting tested as an adult?
I spoke to him on the phone earlier today because he was hitting his mom and I wanted to try and calm him down or at least find a root cause. The conversation went pretty much like it always does. He said that he was mad because he was asked to do a chore, but he doesn't want to, and he wants to do anything he wants instead. I talked to him for a bit and when he seemed to understand, I said he should apologize to his mom. He said "I'm sorry I hit you. You need to do whatever I say." (At this point my wife started crying and hung up the phone.)
Yeah, that's been his attitude lately. He claims it's OUR fault he's mad (which I can understand from his perspective) and then he basically says that if we want him to stop, then we must give in to his demands. Every time we explain that he needs to do what we ask and have a good attitude and, you know, NOT make demands, he asks "but why". He asks "why" a lot, especially when he doesn't want to do something.
His ABA therapists say this is normal, and to turn it around on him and ask HIM why, because he's just testing us. So we've been doing that for a few months now. It usually doesn't help. He'll just answer his own question and then still be upset about having to do something he doesn't want to, even if it's part of his daily routine.
Is there any benefit to getting tested as an adult?
...Holy fuck.
Yeah, in this regard you need to challenge him, though I cannot fully speak as to how effective it will be in the short term. I would personally pick up on the point that what he's ultimately wanting is quite selfish and mean, and is that really what he wants to be? How can he think that's okay because it's what he wants? Does he think his old teacher would like him bullying his own parents? Does he think anyone would like him for doing that? If there's a fictional character he really likes - I dunno, Batman or whatever - would they really approve of this kind of behaviour?
It's guilt tripping, yes, but you can't let up on him. It can be one of the hardest things to teach someone with autism that they're in the wrong, especially when they're young, but it is among the most essential lessons they'll ever learn.
We've definitely tried explaining to him that he's being mean and all that, but he rarely seems to care. Or he might seem to care, but still want to get his way. We can try doing it even more, and mention his teacher like you suggest, but we just feel totally stuck right now.
One of the best things I have done, as someone with aspergers, is to stop worrying so much about the future. It was killing me with high levels of stress and anxiety.
Good things will happen in life, bad things will happen, I will die one day but that shouldn't stop me from enjoying life and worrying about it won't delay the inevitable.
My oldest nephew I think has aspergers and it will be my job to guide him to a good path in life. he's still young, lacks any kind of cynicism. I want him to be a kind hearted person who is happy, who treats people with empathy and respect.
Coming to terms with uncertainty, and/or risk taking is another important lesson. I know a guy on the spectrum who just... refuses to do something without a guarantee unless I press him about it for a few hours, because he just does not like the possibility he might not get anything back for his investment. But well, so much of life is built on such uncertainty, and so learning to cope with that is important.
I am. Although my appointment is 7 months out. There are resources to help you if you feel like you're struggling in life, especially with work or school. Just depends on how much you want to know and if you think it'll change anything in life.
Certainty and clarity about one's self. Just knowing what it is that sets you apart, and frames the context you live in, is immensely useful.
Working today on our autism forum. Changed to WordPress and now everything is running smoothly. Main issue is, even though I have AS, I don't want to "get it wrong".
I am extremely afraid of large crowds or enclosed places with a lot of people.
However I saw Elton John in concert by myself in 2015 and had a blast. I went to disneyworld a month later and spent most of the time without my family and I did fine. I saw the trans siberian orchestra last december and I did just fine.
i'm seeing hans zimmer live in a month and a half and queen in august.
I can't let fear control me. If i did imagine all the fun stuff in life i'd miss.
Who would I even go to for that sort of thing, a psychiatrist?
Yep. Something that's felt like one of the biggest achievements of my life was learning how to take a train by myself, even as a teenager. I had some experience with the tube and such because I'd already travelled with my family to London for the Olympics. So it wasn't too far a step to then say, go with my father to the MCM expo. Then to go without him, using the exact same route. Now I can just grab the train as I like and feel totally comfortable - headed up to Oxford to see the Pitt Rivers museum last week, and my family have never made that trip.
I'm currently working on my addiction problems. Not booze or anything illegal, but I drink way too much coffee. It makes my heart race and anxiety problems, and interferes with sleep. My goal is to bring it down to one cup per day.
Chocolate is that for me. It is not easy, to be sure.
Is it 508 compliant?Working today on our autism forum. Changed to WordPress and now everything is running smoothly. Main issue is, even though I have AS, I don't want to "get it wrong".
Who would I even go to for that sort of thing, a psychiatrist?
He can learn behaviors, but they're not going to be natural behaviors. It's always going to be an internal battle between the two. As he gets older, he'll be able to rationalize it on his own. What he wants is always going to override what anyone else thinks of his behavior, but he'll be able to figure out what is appropriate on the outside. Trying to coax him into doing something because someone else wouldn't like it, is probably going to fail.We've definitely tried explaining to him that he's being mean and all that, but he rarely seems to care. Or he might seem to care, but still want to get his way. We can try doing it even more, and mention his teacher like you suggest, but we just feel totally stuck right now.
Yep. Something that's felt like one of the biggest achievements of my life was learning how to take a train by myself, even as a teenager.
...Holy fuck.
Yeah, in this regard you need to challenge him, though I cannot fully speak as to how effective it will be in the short term. I would personally pick up on the point that what he's ultimately wanting is quite selfish and mean, and is that really what he wants to be? How can he think that's okay because it's what he wants? Does he think his old teacher would like him bullying his own parents? Does he think anyone would like him for doing that? If there's a fictional character he really likes - I dunno, Batman or whatever - would they really approve of this kind of behaviour?
It's guilt tripping, yes, but you can't let up on him. It can be one of the hardest things to teach someone with autism that they're in the wrong, especially when they're young, but it is among the most essential lessons they'll ever learn.
Is it 508 compliant?
I'm just curious if you guys taken into consideration for the site.
Yeah. It's a very long drawn out process though that can take a few months. As an adult, we've already learned coping mechanisms to mimic normal behaviors. It's being able to see past those things.Who would I even go to for that sort of thing, a psychiatrist?
He can learn behaviors, but they're not going to be natural behaviors. It's always going to be an internal battle between the two. As he gets older, he'll be able to rationalize it on his own. What he wants is always going to override what anyone else thinks of his behavior, but he'll be able to figure out what is appropriate on the outside. Trying to coax him into doing something because someone else wouldn't like it, is probably going to fail.
What kind of structure have you set up for summer? give him a few weeks to adjust to summer schedule, but keep it consistant.
This is one aspect that I'm totally opposite on. I prefer to be alone and will explore on my own. I hate people interjecting their opinion about what I can and can't do. Now if it's going out and actually being social with other people... Not doing it.I'm trying to work on my fear of leaving my enviroment. Mainly because I know I'm missing so much, but I keep letting fear stop me from doing stuff I'd like to do.
I'm asking because I didn't know if visually impaired people were included in your target audience.We're not a federal agency, so I wouldn't know. It's just me and my boss, who is an ex-special ed teacher.
This is one aspect that I'm totally opposite on. I prefer to be alone and will explore on my own. I hate people interjecting their opinion about what I can and can't do. Now if it's going out and actually being social with other people... Not doing it.
The last time it happened was at student orientation when I transferred. At the end of the day, they want you to go meet members of clubs and organizations on the campus. They give out these cards for the clubs to sign and with enough signatures, you can win a prize. All I wanted to do at that point was just leave. It was total BS to me.
I will sit alone in a cafeteria. I hate group projects. I don't like mingling with classmates. But I can tolerate being in crowded areas as long as no one gives a shot about what I'm doing.
I just got home from work. My son comes off like he's deliberately missing the point of everything I say. When I tell him that hitting and screaming is bad, he argues "but when is it GOOD?". When I told him that hitting his mom is possibly the worst thing he could do, he asked "when IS it ok to do?" Repeat ad naseum. As you can tell, he has been saying "but" a lot. Sometimes when his behavior is so bad we get upset, he starts stammering "but but but but but but" as he buys time to think of an excuse or argument. I told him just now that I don't want to hear any more buts or arguments.
We try to follow a daily schedule as much as we can. We're normally both at work all week and his grandmother watches the kids but he gets up, has breakfast, gets dressed, and so on. There's nothing really to do in the middle of the day when his baby sister takes a nap and so on.
Try sitting him down and calming him. Then, rather than tell him why it is wrong, put it from the perspective of how would you feel if Mum hit you? You wouldn't like it, would you? Now, think how much you love Mum, and that's how much she loves you, it isn't nice, etc. And explain it from a different angle.
I know it's hard, but rather than just telling him he's wrong, he clearly doesn't want to hear that. You need to resonate with him coming from a different angle.
Source: I am autistic, and I work primarily one to one with a child who has severe autism.
I just got home from work. My son comes off like he's deliberately missing the point of everything I say. When I tell him that hitting and screaming is bad, he argues "but when is it GOOD?". When I told him that hitting his mom is possibly the worst thing he could do, he asked "when IS it ok to do?" Repeat ad naseum. As you can tell, he has been saying "but" a lot. Sometimes when his behavior is so bad we get upset, he starts stammering "but but but but but but" as he buys time to think of an excuse or argument. I told him just now that I don't want to hear any more buts or arguments.
Oh, I did all this. I've done it all before, too. I don't just tell him he's wrong and do what we say and so on. I talk to him about his friends and how would he like it if people treated him that way. That's what makes this so frustrating.
I'm asking because I didn't know if visually impaired people were included in your target audience.
I just got home from work. My son comes off like he's deliberately missing the point of everything I say.
I have not given it much thought. I am just setting it up as of now.
He's not. He literally doesn't understand why it is bad. You need to come at the problem from a much more steamlined point of view rather than straight "rules". Explain to him WHY it is not okay to hit people. As of now, he is interpreting what you are saying in the only way he knows how.
