My grandmother died today.

PlayofSparta

PlayofSparta

Member
She raised me from 6-13 years old.
I feel like a lost both mother and father.

How people even deal with so much pain? I just got the news and boom, I don't know what to do or think.
 
My mother died a few years ago. You deal with it by remembering all they did for you and how much they loved you. You talk about it and tell people what they meant to you.

Time
 
Condolences my man.

My grandma passed when I was 18 and always had a pint of Haagen-Dazs just for me in her fridge.

Every time I get a one at the markets, it always reminds me of her..

I hope you have wonderful memories of her.
 
PlayofSparta said:
She raised me from 6-13 years old.
I feel like a lost both mother and father.

How people even deal with so much pain? I just got the news and boom, I don't know what to do or think.
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I am so sorry to hear that. I've lost all of my grandparents and last time I saw grandparents fromy my mother's side was in 2005. It was the last year and the last time I ever visited my homeland Russian (I live in USA since 2000) I was very close to them, then fast forward to 2016 my grandmother mother died from my dad's side in New York. We did the funeral thing and everything. It was a scary and sad day. Never got too see my granddad from my dad's side because he died early on of cancer. Shit blows dude.

There is nothing you can do, it's just a reality check that time is an enemy to all of us and that's the most valuable thing. Try to spend as much time as you can with your family because that day will eventually come whether you like it or not.

Scariest thing that happened too though was that I saw them in my sleep in my dreams once. In the dream I went downstairs to the first floor and I saw them sitting at the outdoor porch in the backyard. They were very happy and smiling at me, but the scariest part was that they did not speak, the entire dream was pure silence on mute. This is going to sound crazy, but its the first time I ever experienced interacting with the dead. It felt so real, it was downright fucking scary. Then when I woke up, I went downstairs and of course...they weren't there. Shit is freaky dude. I do strongly believe that the dead visit us in our dreams, it's almost like a realm of its own.... even typing this up is giving me the shivers.
 
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Loved ones that pass are still present in your memories and the ways that they affected you and others. If you have anyone to talk to who also knew her to reminisce about good times that can be comforting. You'll always have those memories to hold onto and keep close, that's what we leave behind when we go. It's like a whole web of connections that wouldn't exist if not for that person, like in it's a wonderful life if that person never existed everything would be poorer and you wouldn't exist either. So, I know it's poor consolation and I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, but if you can try to celebrate all the good things she contributed to your life it might offset the pain a little.
 
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Lost my uncle two months ago. He was special to me in a lot of ways.

No one teaches you how to deal with this kind of loss.

I feel you.
 
OP, I was also raised by my grandmother from age 7 to 18, and she passed in 2011. You will need time. It's all about friends and the rest of your family now to help you get through this. I'll be thinking about you.
 
Sorry for your loss. When i lost my granma the feeling of loss was so great i kept wishing god would take me instead of her. Only people who have lost family members would understand that feeling.
 
PlayofSparta said:
She raised me from 6-13 years old.
I feel like a lost both mother and father.

How people even deal with so much pain? I just got the news and boom, I don't know what to do or think.
Click to expand...
It's difficult and I empathize with you. How I deal with it -- prayer and surrounding myself with the right people for emotional support. I've had friends that don't 'feel' when it's not them and they're not the ones to have around.

Mourning loss is important too. Especially for healing to take place. Many try to avoid mourning and turn to other things which only make you feel worse.

You're never alone and always reflect on the times she brought you the most joy.
 
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So sorry for your loss.
My dad died a few years back after a grueling fight with Alzheimer's (7 years). I cope(d) by always remembering his humor and kindness. I love telling stories about him to anyone that will listen.
I hope you find peace soon and have others you can grieve with as well - it helps a lot!
 
Sorry for your loss. Tomorrow is promised to no one. You lose a part of yourself when family die, but your grandmother left qualities behind and ethics and morals on you and hopefully that has made an impact.
 
Sorry for your loss OP but happy she had a long and happy life, by the sound of it. Memories are what we keep enjoying any old time.

Billbofet said:
So sorry for your loss.
My dad died a few years back after a grueling fight with Alzheimer's (7 years). I cope(d) by always remembering his humor and kindness. I love telling stories about him to anyone that will listen.
I hope you find peace soon and have others you can grieve with as well - it helps a lot!
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My pa died of this (11 years). I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies. There's a dark respect for Robin Williams at such moments, he cared so much for others he took his own life to save them the drawn-out pain.
 
Hold on to the good memories. Those will sustain you. Or help to sustain you. I know it's hard... But you have to grieve and LET yourself grieve and don't put a time limit. I'm so sorry for your loss.
 
My condolences.

All I can say is that you get used to it. Over it? Perhaps, but if it's someone you loved then not really. Just treasure the good memories you have of them.
 
So sorry for your loss OP. People deal with grief differently, but you have to allow yourself the time to process it and sort it out. My little sister passed away when she was 17, she had cerebral palsy. A part of me died when that happened, it left a hole in me that I'm pretty sure is still there to this day eventhough its been about 10 years. I still cry when I think about her. Time never healed me to be honest, but it has allowed me to learn how to deal with the loss.
 
Sorry for your loss. My dad passed away a month ago. He hadn't been to the doctor in 35 years and finally went. They found a 7.7cm Aortic aneurism and the doctors were surprised he was alive. 3 days later he went into surgery and they fixed the aneurism but his kidneys failed and he never woke up after the operation.

He was 83 and lived an extraordinary life and I focus on that and all the memories we had together. Just this morning I was sitting in traffic and a memory of him hit me, it was rough, but I thought of a good memory we had together and that helped. The world can seem pretty big at times and we really need to focus on the ones close to us and make sure we are treating them right and helping all we can.

One thing I'm thankful for that I did earlier was to voice record conversations that we had or record family dinners talking around the table. It's the little things like that I miss the most and now I can play that back and feel like he's with me.
 
A toast to your grandmother for having such a positive impact on your life. May she rest in peace and may you carry on her teachings, love and care to future generations.
 
Your grandma was fucking awesome. I didn't know her obviously but I know she was amazing.

She might be gone but part of her is still alive in you. It'll fucking hurt but you'll be ok :messenger_heart:
 
Tams said:
My condolences.

All I can say is that you get used to it. Over it? Perhaps, but if it's someone you loved then not really. Just treasure the good memories you have of them.
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my dad died 14 years ago. his dad died when he was 15 years old. i always remember my dad telling me that my cousin/his nephew asked him, when his dad (my dads brother) died, when he would get over his dad dying and my dad told him you will never get over it.

you don't ever get over the death of someone close to you especially your family. over time you get used to it i suppose and learn to live without them but you'll never forget them. you could be 5, 10... or 14 years down the line and while you might think you've "got over it" there will come a day where it just hits you full force and you're a crying wreck of mess. in my experience it's mostly the "big days" like birthdays, deathdays, christmas, fathers/mothers day, etc. as awful as it sounds i actually don't think of my dad much anymore so you could say i'm "over it". i've done my grieving and don't get anything out of visiting his grave. i've almost spent as much time without him as i got with him. it still hurts sometimes though.

hollams said:
Sorry for your loss. My dad passed away a month ago. He hadn't been to the doctor in 35 years and finally went. They found a 7.7cm Aortic aneurism and the doctors were surprised he was alive. 3 days later he went into surgery and they fixed the aneurism but his kidneys failed and he never woke up after the operation.

He was 83 and lived an extraordinary life and I focus on that and all the memories we had together. Just this morning I was sitting in traffic and a memory of him hit me, it was rough, but I thought of a good memory we had together and that helped. The world can seem pretty big at times and we really need to focus on the ones close to us and make sure we are treating them right and helping all we can.

One thing I'm thankful for that I did earlier was to voice record conversations that we had or record family dinners talking around the table. It's the little things like that I miss the most and now I can play that back and feel like he's with me.
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that's awesome you got to record him. i've got photos of my dad and some old shitty video footage of my dad. they had been sitting on tape for years but i bought a converter kit to get them onto my PC. i got them off just in time because the camcorder died shortly after. photos are great to have but seeing him in motion and hearing voice again really means a lot to me. make sure you back your recordings up!!
 
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My grandmother passed away at the end of March. She was the sweetest little old lady and I miss her every day. Several years ago I was going through a bad divorce and my ex-wife left me in some significant financial debt. Without blinking my grandma wrote me a check to pay things off and get back on my feet. The only thing she asked of me was to find happiness. She echoed those words to me in her final moments. I re-married in may of last year and we just celebrated the birth of our baby girl on the 15th.

Things get better. Not always easier. Find a way to honor your grandmother daily.
 
My condolences, OP. My grandmother passed away from Covid right at the start of it. We unfortunately had to put her in a home since she required 24-hour care and my mom just couldn't do it anymore. Little did we realize, a short time later, she would be a lamb to the slaughter in there as the virus spread. Sad times, especially not being able to have a proper funeral until sometime later.

It sounds like you were a lot closer to yours than I was to mine, but all the best to you. Time heals all (or most) wounds.
 
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PlayofSparta said:
She raised me from 6-13 years old.
I feel like a lost both mother and father.

How people even deal with so much pain? I just got the news and boom, I don't know what to do or think.
Click to expand...

My condolences. My mother and My Nan raised me from birth. I'm 42 and lost her when I was 21... I feel you pain, I feel the same, It feels as a double loss.

I get by by trying to keep the good memories vivid. It still hurts all this time later.

My advice would be to talk, The biggest mistake I did was to hold it in for too long and not let myself grieve.
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

My condolences and prayers to you and your family.

TheGecko said:
My advice would be to talk, The biggest mistake I did was to hold it in for too long and not let myself grieve.
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I second this. Don't hold it in and let the emotions out.
 
MachRc said:
My grandma passed when I was 18 and always had a pint of Haagen-Dazs just for me in her fridge.

Every time I get a one at the markets, it always reminds me of her..
Click to expand...
It's moments like those that hit the hardest. Those moments that come speeding around the corner, rip your heart out and bail as you're standing there dazed and confused.
 
PlayofSparta said:
She raised me from 6-13 years old.
I feel like a lost both mother and father.

How people even deal with so much pain? I just got the news and boom, I don't know what to do or think.
Click to expand...
Condolences.

Nothing you can do for a while, just keep busy and try to find solace.

I know it's hard, but if she left such a mark on you she did a lot of good, and you're here on this life to do that for other people as well. What I mean is, you're devastated now but it was great that you got as much time as you did with her, your pain is the sign that everything she did was worth it. Just another way to look at it.

Try to talk about it with other people, yes, cry as much as you need too. And you'll find a new normal eventually.
 
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