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[shanshan310]

Hold on a minute I'm talking a small patch of hair. You know? Just remember we are men. Aw, man. I thought masculinity was chest hair. And that that was supposed to be naturally accepted by women. Would you rather just have a smooth woman rather than a fairly hairy man? Man.. :\

If it makes you feel better I'm probably the exception to the rule

Spoiler

depends on the woman and the man

 

[leadbelly]

Hold on a minute I'm talking a small patch of hair. You know? Just remember we are men. Aw, man. I thought masculinity was chest hair. And that that was supposed to be naturally accepted by women. Would you rather just have a smooth woman rather than a fairly hairy man? Man.. :\

lol

I'm not sure personal taste works like that Bangladesh. It's like a woman saying, "hold on a minute, armpit hair is perfectly natural".

 

[Derwind]

Maybe I'm lucky? I'm like a dolphin out of water....

 

[Devolution]

Hold on a minute I'm talking a small patch of hair. You know? Just remember we are men. Aw, man. I thought masculinity was chest hair. And that that was supposed to be naturally accepted by women. Would you rather just have a smooth woman rather than a fairly hairy man? Man.. :\

Do you like hair everywhere on a woman? It's natural.

I hope the bold is a troll.

 

[BladeWorker]

Ok LadyGAf, I'd like your opinion on this...

My gf broke with her first boyfriend of 4 years (they lived together for 3) six months ago (we've been dating for two). I wasn't the rebound guy, and neither of us were really looking for a relationship when love hit us like a ton of bricks. She was the one to bring up the L word, and tells me how I'm better in every way than the ex, that she does with me things she never thought she would do, etc etc. She doesn't miss the ex (at least according to her) BUT...

She's still VERY angry about the break-up. She sais she did love him, and it was a good relationship. It was a case of him telling her how much he loved her, talking about marriage, being happy together, and the next day telling her that he didn't really love her, he said what she wanted to hear, and that he needs to go out there and experience life (aka bang other chicks probably). After the breakup they would still sleep together, and it would mess up with her head.

It affects me because she always says she is scared or having feelings for me (which is understandable), and scared that I would do the same thing. When she gets drunk, she tries to push me away, and of course I don't out up with it, so I only aggravate the situation. I tell her that the only solution is time, but am I deluding myself here? Is there any trigger that will finally go off that she'll forget about that fear?

It doesn't help that her best friends are also best friends with the guy. We ran into him on new year's eve, and he was at a party we went to Saturday. At least Saturday she felt really good that it didn't bother her that he was there, aside from a few awkward moments.

Any advice?

Observations based on what I'm reading:

Her friends being buddy-buddy with her ex means that those aren't friends she can confide in with respect to how she feels post-him. They can't help her get closure - not the way she wants, I suspect. As someone she trusts, you hear it.

From the sounds of it, she may be over her ex, but she isn't over the situation. The end of a relationship is like a death - you go through the same stages of mourning. She's still at "angry". Which is fine - but she's in a new relationship now, and if it's going to work, she's gotta get past it. And that's on her, not you.

You say that love has hit you like a ton of bricks - you may have been ready for it (however unexpected it was) but it doesn't sound like the timing is the same for her. She's told you in so many words why she's pushing you away - she fears she'll have the same experience with you as she did with her ex - and if you haven't given any indications that you are "that guy", then her head is getting the better of her.

So, cool your heels. You may love one another but she isn't done digesting/mourning/learning from her last relationship. Until she is, it's always going to be you, her, and the little gremlin on her shoulder chewing her ear off.

It's not fair to her to ask her to be fully in a relationship when she's not ready, and it's not fair to you to have to deal with a push-pull sequence that messes with your head - and it's really unfair that at every stage, she's comparing you with an ex (even if you come out the winner in most/all exchanges - it's just a losing game as a whole).

Talk to her in a calm moment. Work with her to figure out if the two of you would be more successful slowing down your relationship, taking a bit of a breather, or breaking until (at least) both of you have your heads in the game.

This stage in your relationship should still be fun and exciting.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Wow that guy sounds kind of awful. Has she spoken to the ex about how she feels about the break up? Maybe she needs to have a vent at him. It could help with closure. Otherwise I'd try and distance her from memories of this guy. Take her different places, show her you are different, and that you aren't going to lie to her. I'm not really sure what else you can do.

Yeah been working on the "different" thing and I'm confident she likes me more. I guess they talked about it before but yeah, I can see where she still doesn't have closure. I'll ask her if she needs that talk with him, now that she feels she has moved on from "wanting to be with him".

Talk to her in a calm moment. Work with her to figure out if the two of you would be more successful slowing down your relationship, taking a bit of a breather, or breaking until (at least) both of you have your heads in the game.

This stage in your relationship should still be fun and exciting.

Pretty spot on a lot of things. We don't see each other every day and we've talked about it that if it becomes too intense, then it would be harder on her. She even said that she wishes we would have met a year later. In my mind, I've already explored the breaking up option, but as long as we are having fun, I want to give it a chance. It's sad that during normal moments everything is amazing. Everything mostly comes out when she's drunk or smoking weed.

 

[triplestation]

WOAH BRO. I've never encountered armpit hair in a normal woman. Peach fuzz, maybe. But full-on armpit hair? DUDE. YOU HAVE GOT. TO BE. KIDDING ME. .___.

 

[Giard]

Hello.

I'm guessing ManGAF could answer this as well, but why do Americans feel so reluctant saying "I love you" to someone? I've never heard of this outside the USA, but if I'm wrong correct me.

I mean, if you're going out, it's because you have feelings for each other...no?

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

WOAH BRO. I've never encountered armpit hair in a normal woman. Peach fuzz, maybe. But full-on armpit hair? DUDE. YOU HAVE GOT. TO BE. KIDDING ME. .___.

Please take this survey and report back.

 

[leadbelly]

WOAH BRO. I've never encountered armpit hair in a normal woman. Peach fuzz, maybe. But full-on armpit hair? DUDE. YOU HAVE GOT. TO BE. KIDDING ME. .___.

lol

This is no joke now. I have actually seen a girl in real life who had really hairy legs. This was in school as well. What amazed me was, until then I never thought a girl could have hairier legs than a man. It blew my mind.

 

[triplestation]

I love my mom but I don't tell her that. I feel that it shouldn't be said if you truly mean it. It should be FELT.

 

[shanshan310]

Hello.

I'm guessing ManGAF could answer this as well, but why do Americans feel so reluctant saying "I love you" to someone? I've never heard of this outside the USA, but if I'm wrong correct me.

I mean, if you're going out, it's because you have feelings for each other...no?

In my experience it depends on the person. For me its something really meaningful that I'll only say to my family and my partner. People I know inside and out, and who I trust completely. Feelings don't really = love, nor does infatuation. How can you love someone you hardly know, even if you have a crush?

Please take this survey and report back.

What a terrible survey. "Which do you find more attractive, this photo of a woman in an alluring pose with armpit hair, or this elvis lamp?"

 

[BladeWorker]

lol

I'm not sure personal taste works like that Bangladesh. It's like a woman saying, "hold on a minute, armpit hair is perfectly natural".

Armpit hair *is* natural. That's why it grows there. Generally, however, because there's a cultural preference toward infantilism of women, we shave. And pluck, and wax, and epilate, and laser treat.

As for chest hair on men? Not that big of a deal. Keep it clean, though.

 

[Devolution]

Hurp durp women have hair in places but are expected to shave it off. News at 11.

 

[Derwind]

Dude's I'm serious, it's like I'm prepetually 12 year's old... at least when it comes to my hair... aside from facial hair, armpit hair, my pubes and the lush head of hair I have, I'm like a walking wet suit.... and I'm 22!!! And every guy in my family that I know is the same...

I think it's a condition... though I never asked my physician...

 

[leadbelly]

Armpit hair *is* natural.

I know this of course. It was an analogy.

 

[triplestation]

devolution, doesn't leadbelly sort of remind you of Tom Hardy?

For the chicks in this thread, where do you think a man should shave/trim?

 

[leadbelly]

devolution, doesn't leadbelly sort of remind you of Tom Hardy?

For the chicks in this thread, where do you think a man should shave/trim?

I don't know who this person is.

 

[Devolution]

devolution, doesn't leadbelly sort of remind you of Tom Hardy?

For the chicks in this thread, where do you think a man should shave/trim?

Trim the pubes. If the chest hair is too much, trim that too. No back hair. I don't care about anywhere else.

 

[triplestation]

I don't know who this person is.

DUDE.

DEV: I'm fine, then.

 

[leadbelly]

DUDE.

DEV: I'm fine, then.

Okay, he is in inception. I've watched that film, but never knew the guy's name. A vague resemblance maybe. I'm not a particularly good judge of who I look like though.

 

[Giard]

In my experience it depends on the person. For me its something really meaningful that I'll only say to my family and my partner. People I know inside and out, and who I trust completely. Feelings don't really = love, nor does infatuation. How can you love someone you hardly know, even if you have a crush?

Why would you go out with someone you hardly know? I would make an effort to know the person before going out with them, to check if your feelings are validated or not...like during the first few dates. Wouldn't you know if you love that person afterwards? Maybe some people take longer.

I get that having a crush isn't love though. But perhaps it's seeing the potential for it?

ps. I'm a hairy bastard.

 

[leadbelly]

Infatuation can feel a little like love. It's the sort of thing you get confused about as a kid, perhaps even as an adult as well.

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

I don't mind a bit of scruff on the chest/belly. I don't feel strongly about it either way. My boyfriend has a bit of hair going from his bellybutton to his crotch which is fine by me.

Back and shoulder hair would bother me. Excessive ass hair too. Blech.

By far the thing I hate the most not always aesthetically but texturally is a scruffy beard. There's a fine line between sexy 5 o'clock shadow and itchy scruffyness which I don't find appealing.

 

[Devolution]

I don't mind a bit of scruff on the chest/belly. I don't feel strongly about it either way. My boyfriend has a bit of hair going from his bellybutton to his crotch which is fine by me..

That's called a happy trail, and I find them sexy.

 

[demon]

For the chicks in this thread, where do you think a man should shave/trim?

No where. It's all natural.

because there's a cultural preference toward infantilism of women

I don't understand this. Is this in reference to the preference towards shaved armpits and legs on women? What about the trend of guys having no hair on their torso? How many men under the age of 40 have you seen on tv/in movies with a chest full of hair, let alone any back hair in the past 10-15 years? It goes both ways.

 

[leadbelly]

shanshan Banned?

I'm not entirely sure why looking at her history.

 

[BladeWorker]

No where. It's all natural.


I don't understand this. Is this in reference to the preference towards shaved armpits and legs on women? What about the trend of guys having no hair on their torso? How many men under the age of 40 have you seen on tv/in movies with a chest full of hair, let alone any back hair in the past 10-15 years? It goes both ways.

infantilism isn't just the "no hair" thing, but that digression could go all night. Yes, that's part of it, and yes, men experience some of that pressure as well.

But by the same token, our western culture dictates that it's still "manly" to have a full chest of hair; it's not "feminine" to have furry legs.

 

[elohel]

I would just wait for her, since you've already tried contacting her and she couldn't talk. She's just making you chase her around ;P

that the norm for women? to make guys chase em?

lol that's mean

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

Is it a deal breaker if a man has a hard time making you girls orgasm????

 

[Devolution]

that the norm for women? to make guys chase em?

lol that's mean

Do you have something to ask? Or are you just going to troll our topics?

 

[Kisaya]

that the norm for women? to make guys chase em?

lol that's mean

 

[Opiate]

that the norm for women? to make guys chase em?

lol that's mean

elohel, I'd like to comment again on your posting style:


1) Again, virtually no punctuation. Thank you for the question marks, I suppose, but the "lol" takes away any points you gained for that.

2) Still no capitalization.

3) A response to a post nearly four months old

4) You clearly did not understand her point.

These rules are all fairly minor (although 3 and 4 are relatively important), but it's rare for someone to break so many minor rules so consistently even when specifically asked not to. This is your last warning.

 

[Boogie]

elohel, I'd like to comment again on your posting style:


1) Again, virtually no punctuation. Thank you for the question marks, I suppose, but the "lol" takes away any points you gained for that.

2) Still no capitalization.

3) A response to a post nearly four months old

4) You clearly did not understand her point.

These rules are all fairly minor (although 3 and 4 are relatively important), but it's rare for someone to break so many minor rules so consistently even when specifically asked not to. This is your last warning.

wow, you really are a robot...

 

[scitek]

This is odd, but I've noticed lately that I can't talk to women at work without them going out of their way to mention their boyfriends if they have one. Like with totally unrelated topics that aren't even in the vicinity of me expressing any interest in them (what we had for lunch, for example), they'll say something and then really quickly throw in "I was with my boyfriend, by the way," or something along those lines, and it's totally irrelevant to the conversation. Not to mention it was already assumed on my part. I didn't think she was eating alone.

Am I sending signals or subconsciously or something that makes them feel the need to pointlessly throw in the reminders of unavailability, or is it just that I talk to women that coincidentally all do the same thing only to me (I don't hear them doing it with other male coworkers).

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

Am I sending signals or subconsciously or something that makes them feel the need to pointlessly throw in the reminders of unavailability

Though some people do mention it once so you won't get the wrong idea, if they seem to be beating a dead horse, it's probably you.

 

[Devolution]

This is odd, but I've noticed lately that I can't talk to women at work without them going out of their way to mention their boyfriends if they have one. Like with totally unrelated topics that aren't even in the vicinity of me expressing any interest in them (what we had for lunch, for example), they'll say something and then really quickly throw in "I was with my boyfriend, by the way," or something along those lines, and it's totally irrelevant to the conversation. Not to mention it was already assumed on my part. I didn't think she was eating alone.

Am I sending signals or subconsciously or something that makes them feel the need to pointlessly throw in the reminders of unavailability, or is it just that I talk to women that coincidentally all do the same thing only to me (I don't hear them doing it with other male coworkers).

Well some women use it as a quick way of dismissing a--by the way I'm taken.

Honest answer, if you're hitting up women at work maybe they're not too keen on the idea of dating someone within the office and are shutting you down right away. You must be conversing in a way that sets their alarm bells off or you have a rep and the women of the office have confided in each other. Do you consider any one of them a close friend? If so ask her if there is a consensus about you. Just be ready for what might be a very negative perception. It's quite possible you are the office creep.

 

[Keikaku]

LadyGAF, I need your wisdom.

I'm on OKCupid and one of my matches comes up and it's a woman who I went to high school with and we knew each other but we weren't very close. Would you consider it weird if someone messaged you in this situation? If so, how can I make it not weird?

If there is a way, please tell me because I am really interested.

EDIT: And, no, I didn't have a crush on her in high school. We had, one class together, worked on a couple of projects as part of a group and that's how we know each other. Nothing else.

 

[Devolution]

LadyGAF, I need your wisdom.

I'm on OKCupid and one of my matches comes up and it's a woman who I went to high school with and we knew each other but we weren't very close. Would you consider it weird if someone messaged you in this situation? If so, how can I make it not weird?

If there is a way, please tell me because I am really interested.

EDIT: And, no, I didn't have a crush on her in high school. We had, one class together, worked on a couple of projects as part of a group and that's how we know each other. Nothing else.

I wouldn't consider it weird. After I made it I figured I'd come across people I already know or knew of from school. Hell I already showed up in a gaffer's "you might like." It's not like Facebook where you can actively look for someone so I don't see a reason to be creeped out.

 

[scitek]

Though some people do mention it once so you won't get the wrong idea, if they seem to be beating a dead horse, it's probably you.

There's one in particular that's somewhat confusing. When I see her, the first thing I get is a big smile and a "Heeeey!" I'll ask how she's been, etc. There was a work event the other night that I didn't attend, and apparently she was asking about me (if I was coming).

I complimented her the other day on her hair, she had simply forgotten to clip it back and I told her it looked cute. Then she came in the next two days with it the exact same way.

BUT she lives with a guy, and they really rushed into things (she's KNOWN him for less than a year and they've lived together for like 8 months), and she'll mention him almost kind of like she has to remind herself and not me that she's taken.

Really, I think she's adorable, and I love talking to her (she's in school to be a personal trainer and kickboxes, so we chat a lot about that kinda stuff), but I don't go after girls with boyfriends. Especially if it'd mess up her living situation, so I suppose I should probably back off? It seems I'm likely coming on too strong and shouldn't be.

 

[Keikaku]

I wouldn't consider it weird. After I made it I figured I'd come across people I already know or knew of from school. Hell I already showed up in a gaffer's "you might like." It's not like Facebook where you can actively look for someone so I don't see a reason to be creeped out.

Good to know. I will trust the judgement of another Bay Area GAFfer

I'm going to shoot her a quick message now. Thanks Devo!

 

[BladeWorker]

LadyGAF, I need your wisdom.

I'm on OKCupid and one of my matches comes up and it's a woman who I went to high school with and we knew each other but we weren't very close. Would you consider it weird if someone messaged you in this situation? If so, how can I make it not weird?

If there is a way, please tell me because I am really interested.

EDIT: And, no, I didn't have a crush on her in high school. We had, one class together, worked on a couple of projects as part of a group and that's how we know each other. Nothing else.

If you're interested in pursuing a date further, send her a message. Acknowledge the weird/uncanny, but then move on:

"Hey, so it looks like the internet thinks we're a good match. I like the way you describe ________ (attribute or activity) in your profile. Do you often ____________ ? (Probing question based on her profile)

"Full disclosure - I think I recognize you from __________ (location). We __________ (context). What a small world...How about we catch up over __________ (virtual or actual location)

"Chat soon, ________ (salutation)".

If you are interested but don't mention the uncanny coincidence of you going out *now* and not back then, you risk her recognizing you, thinking you don't remember her, and evoking the teenage inferiority/invisibility complex most of us manage to shove way, way down to our toes once we graduate high school.

 

[Devolution]

If you're interested in pursuing a date further, send her a message. Acknowledge the weird/uncanny, but then move on:

"Hey, so it looks like the internet thinks we're a good match. I like the way you describe ________ (attribute or activity) in your profile. Do you often ____________ ? (Probing question based on her profile)

"Full disclosure - I think I recognize you from __________ (location). We __________ (context). What a small world...How about we catch up over __________ (virtual or actual location)

"Chat soon, ________ (salutation)".

If you are interested but don't mention the uncanny coincidence of you going out *now* and not back then, you risk her recognizing you, thinking you don't remember her, and evoking the teenage inferiority/invisibility complex most of us manage to shove way, way down to our toes once we graduate high school.

Nice post, I agree.

 

[scitek]

Well some women use it as a quick way of dismissing a--by the way I'm taken.

Honest answer, if you're hitting up women at work maybe they're not too keen on the idea of dating someone within the office and are shutting you down right away. You must be conversing in a way that sets their alarm bells off or you have a rep and the women of the office have confided in each other. Do you consider any one of them a close friend? If so ask her if there is a consensus about you. Just be ready for what might be a very negative perception. It's quite possible you are the office creep.

Nah, that's not it. I'm actually asked by them to hang out after work a lot, but i work from home, too, so I usually can't. Then they try to urge me to come along.

 

[Devolution]

Nah, that's not it. I'm actually asked by them to hang out after work a lot and stuff, but work from home, too, so I usually can't, and they try to urge me to come along.

Then you're in Forever Friendzoned.

 

[Zoe]

There's one in particular that's somewhat confusing. When I see her, the first thing I get is a big smile and a "Heeeey!" I'll ask how she's been, etc. There was a work event the other night that I didn't attend, and apparently she was asking about me (if I was coming).

I complimented her the other day on her hair, she had simply forgotten to clip it back and I told her it looked cute. Then she came in the next two days with it the exact same way.

BUT she lives with a guy, and they really rushed into things (she's KNOWN him for less than a year and they've lived together for like 8 months), and she'll mention him almost kind of like she has to remind herself and not me that she's taken.

Really, I think she's adorable, and I love talking to her (she's in school to be a personal trainer and kickboxes, so we chat a lot about that kinda stuff), but I don't go after girls with boyfriends. Especially if it'd mess up her living situation, so I suppose I should probably back off? It seems I'm likely coming on too strong and shouldn't be.

Sounds like they're picking up on how you treat this girl. Especially saying things like "cute" around the office. That implies attraction.

 

[Keikaku]

If you're interested in pursuing a date further, send her a message. Acknowledge the weird/uncanny, but then move on:

"Hey, so it looks like the internet thinks we're a good match. I like the way you describe ________ (attribute or activity) in your profile. Do you often ____________ ? (Probing question based on her profile)

"Full disclosure - I think I recognize you from __________ (location). We __________ (context). What a small world...How about we catch up over __________ (virtual or actual location)

"Chat soon, ________ (salutation)".

If you are interested but don't mention the uncanny coincidence of you going out *now* and not back then, you risk her recognizing you, thinking you don't remember her, and evoking the teenage inferiority/invisibility complex most of us manage to shove way, way down to our toes once we graduate high school.

Thanks for the advice. I'm taking it!

Nice post, I agree.

Indeed. And thanks again for your input.

 

[scitek]

Then you're in Forever Friendzoned.

I'm good with that. I'm really not interested in having a relationship, but I don't want them to think I am and have things be weird for no reason. The one I think is really cute is nice to talk to, and I'd it to stay that way.

 

[jasonng]

If you really want to be just friends with these girls then you wouldn't give a fuck if they think you're weird.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

she'll mention him almost kind of like she has to remind herself and not me that she's taken.

Might be, might not. How's your batting average for noticing when girls like you? Even if she does like you, doesn't mean she's going to ditch what she's got going on now for you.

It seems I'm likely coming on too strong and shouldn't be.

Yeah, just be friends. That's really the only way to act around co-workers anyway; blatant advances will just make things weird at work.