Hypereides
Member
Well its not really an optimal thing to date someone from work. It can lead to alot of drama and affect your work environment if things turn sour.
So Im glad on your behalf you didnt advance further.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
Well its not really an optimal thing to date someone from work. It can lead to alot of drama and affect your work environment if things turn sour.
So Im glad on your behalf you didnt advance further.
Boston. Walmart is no where in the vicinity.
edit you can date in the same workplace, as long as you work in different departments and different shifts.
Had a nice first date tonight. Met for dinner, and there was a bar next door I was considering moving to after we had finished and getting a few drinks, but we had a pretty good time at the restaurant and ended up talking until they closed and essentially kicked us out. I found out during her visit to the restroom that my friends had decided to occupy said bar since they lived nearby and it was one of their birthdays, and I kinda had an idea that was a possibility, and meeting friends on the first date is kind of weird in my opinion, so I ended it at dinner, but I walked her to her car, then gave her a kiss on the cheek. Didn't think things had quite escalated to an actual kiss at that point yet since it was just dinner, although I don't think she'd have minded. In any case, she texted me a little while later saying she had a great night, told her to let me know when she was available again, she said she would, but if I wanted to try to make plans to let her know and she could always find time. I liked that... too many times it becomes a game of "I'm only free this day, and I could make time other days, but I don't want to".. so that's a nice change from the norm.
We found out we work relatively close, so I think the plan is lunch sometime early in the week, then find some activity to do nearby right after work, maybe happy hour or something. Promising... we'll see how it goes.
We found out we work relatively close, so I think the plan is lunch sometime early in the week, then find some activity to do nearby right after work, maybe happy hour or something. Promising... we'll see how it goes.
Hypereides
Member
Yeah, I dislike when that happens. Its so exhausting over an extended period.
But good for you dude! Sounds like a great date. Crossing fingers for good progress.
Don't know if you're up to answering this now (because drunk), but how do you manage to move it to that that quickly? You probably missed my story the other day, but moving too slowly killed a chance for me the other day.
Gaffer was kind enough to let me log on his PC
Basically, confidence means everything. If you're confident, in most situations, that will trump almost everything else. If there is one thing all women want, it's a confident man. Looks, personality and financial security are important, but if a man don't believe in himself or his ability to perform, she won't give him a damn thing.
All I did was approach this random girl at the bar. I asked what she was drinking. Honestly, I couldn't hear what the fuck she said. Quite frankly, it was too loud and come one...do I really care? Of course not. I then asked her where she was from. I told her where I was from and what I did for a living. Talked a little about myself and then segued into what she did and what not. Things just went from there. About 10 minutes later, I ask for her number. She gives it to me without hesitation.
It's all about building reporte off stupid mundane shit. Break the ice. Don't be afraid of small talk. It's all about how you approach. What you say at first must make sense within the context of where you are and what you're doing. Plus, alcohol helps. It's a social lubricant and helps take the edge off.
As long as your confident and use some logic and reason behind your actions (without thinking too much) you should be fine.
Hypereides
Member
NYC is truely the dating capital of the world. I really have to go there some time. Ive always been intrigued by the city... and it would be awesome meeting gaffers like Evilore and talk about dry-humping and what not.
I cant figure this girl out!
About a good month ago i met a girl in a bar, we talked a bit, then me and my friends went to another bar, and i jokingly said you should give me your number and we'll meet up there for a date. I got her number, some time passes i text her to meet up, but she said shes just leaving and says "next time?"
I texted her a couple of days later that i still want that date in the bar, got no response. The thing is goddamn she was cute, and i was in a fuckit state of mind, so i text her again, telling her that if i want something i wont stop till i get it, and i would just keep texting .. I did for about 4-5 times haha damn. Then i stopped.
I dont hear from her for a good solid month, all out of the blue she texts me if im going to that bar! I happen to be around because we usually go out there. I was at that time in another place, drank a bit and met up an hour later, had some nice talk, flirty and all that. Her friends want to leave so she goes with them, and she says we'll meet again in that bar for another "date"(we know its not a date, its just jokingly). That was a thursday, so im like what are you doing this weekend? Said she was not sure yet and might go home for the weekend.
Now this saturday around noon i get a text from her that shes going to that bar, then in the evening she texts me if im there. I respond telling her that we're currently in another place but we'll meet up. She responds telling me that she is also in another bar and that she'll see me there.
An hour or so passes, i text her asking if shes there already, says she is almost there. Problem was, me and my friends were drinking in this other place and yeah an hour or so passes, i text her again but got no response, i called and texted more and all that stupid shit you do when you're drunk. Have not heard from her since yesterday evening.
About a good month ago i met a girl in a bar, we talked a bit, then me and my friends went to another bar, and i jokingly said you should give me your number and we'll meet up there for a date. I got her number, some time passes i text her to meet up, but she said shes just leaving and says "next time?"
I texted her a couple of days later that i still want that date in the bar, got no response. The thing is goddamn she was cute, and i was in a fuckit state of mind, so i text her again, telling her that if i want something i wont stop till i get it, and i would just keep texting .. I did for about 4-5 times haha damn. Then i stopped.
I dont hear from her for a good solid month, all out of the blue she texts me if im going to that bar! I happen to be around because we usually go out there. I was at that time in another place, drank a bit and met up an hour later, had some nice talk, flirty and all that. Her friends want to leave so she goes with them, and she says we'll meet again in that bar for another "date"(we know its not a date, its just jokingly). That was a thursday, so im like what are you doing this weekend? Said she was not sure yet and might go home for the weekend.
Now this saturday around noon i get a text from her that shes going to that bar, then in the evening she texts me if im there. I respond telling her that we're currently in another place but we'll meet up. She responds telling me that she is also in another bar and that she'll see me there.
An hour or so passes, i text her asking if shes there already, says she is almost there. Problem was, me and my friends were drinking in this other place and yeah an hour or so passes, i text her again but got no response, i called and texted more and all that stupid shit you do when you're drunk. Have not heard from her since yesterday evening.
Hypereides
Member
Whatever you do, Do not text her. Ignore her. Wait till she gets back to you. Use your inner Don Draper!
I made a similiar stupid mistake to a Flakey girl Im interested in, under similiar circumstances and it only made things go into nightmare mode and its harder for me to get her now. I think it seems like shes gotten you figured out and, youre playing to get her attention.
I hate drunk texting.
Wait a couple of days or a week and text her back if necessary.
I expect the same shit to happen in my case.
By the way... have you even kissed yet?
-nevermind-
jamieson87
Member
First post in this thread but I just wanted to share my experiences of an amazing first date I had on Friday.
I got this girls number through mutual friends and started to text her last Thursday( I'd never met this girl before). By the Saturday I knew we had chemistry and got on quite well so I decided to ask her out for a meal and a couple if drinks this Friday. As the week progressed we were speaking to each other non stop and really getting along. She told me that I've been saying all the right things at exactly the right time and have really put a smile on her face. We both agreed that we were really looking forward to seeing each other on Friday.
So Friday comes and we go for something to eat at a tapas restaurant. The food was excellent and the conversation was excellent. It turns out this was her first ever proper date. We were both so at ease with each other and nothing felt awkward.
After the meal we move on to a really classy cocktail bar along the street. We order our favourite cocktails and let each other try them. At the bar waiting on the bartender making our drinks we have our first kiss. She said something really cute so I just decided to put my finger under her chin, lift her face and go in for a nice kiss. We then end up holding hands across the table and telling each other how we can't believe how much we click already. I've really never felt so at easy around someone so quickly before.
We then moved on to another bar and end up kissing and touching quite a lot. It was about closing time and we both agreed that we couldn't bare to say goodbye to each other quite yet. I end up going back to her house and lying in bed with her talking and kissing most of the night. We didnt end up having sex as neither of us had protection but we got a lot done otherwise. We ended up laying in each others arms naked until about 11 in the morning when I had to leave.
It was such an amazing night, it really felt like the stars had aligned. We both can't wait to see each other again. I'm going to her house on Friday and she's cooking me dinner.
Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to let people know that if two people click a lot it can lead to a really amazing night. I've had a spring in my step ever since I left her.
I got this girls number through mutual friends and started to text her last Thursday( I'd never met this girl before). By the Saturday I knew we had chemistry and got on quite well so I decided to ask her out for a meal and a couple if drinks this Friday. As the week progressed we were speaking to each other non stop and really getting along. She told me that I've been saying all the right things at exactly the right time and have really put a smile on her face. We both agreed that we were really looking forward to seeing each other on Friday.
So Friday comes and we go for something to eat at a tapas restaurant. The food was excellent and the conversation was excellent. It turns out this was her first ever proper date. We were both so at ease with each other and nothing felt awkward.
After the meal we move on to a really classy cocktail bar along the street. We order our favourite cocktails and let each other try them. At the bar waiting on the bartender making our drinks we have our first kiss. She said something really cute so I just decided to put my finger under her chin, lift her face and go in for a nice kiss. We then end up holding hands across the table and telling each other how we can't believe how much we click already. I've really never felt so at easy around someone so quickly before.
We then moved on to another bar and end up kissing and touching quite a lot. It was about closing time and we both agreed that we couldn't bare to say goodbye to each other quite yet. I end up going back to her house and lying in bed with her talking and kissing most of the night. We didnt end up having sex as neither of us had protection but we got a lot done otherwise. We ended up laying in each others arms naked until about 11 in the morning when I had to leave.
It was such an amazing night, it really felt like the stars had aligned. We both can't wait to see each other again. I'm going to her house on Friday and she's cooking me dinner.
Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to let people know that if two people click a lot it can lead to a really amazing night. I've had a spring in my step ever since I left her.
No i only met her twice. After the second time she added me on FB so i thought thats a good sign, then two days later she asks to meet up again so all is good. But yeah i waited too long to go there. But she could have texted me that she was leaving or something.
Shes pretty weird though.
@PXG: Yeah, i was able to pull it off like that, when the second time i met her i was jokingly saying, you know i texted you about 4 times!!! I never ever do that it felt baaad girl! Stuff like that, she laughed we laughed blahblah.
Im pretty sure she'll text me again on the evening, but man all this waiting sucks, i doubt she barely uses her phone.
Hypereides
Member
^
What PXG said.
Tell me about it, same shit here... keeping myself occupied with friends and stuff to not think about it.
Then again I have alot of patience, I just have to do it right and slowly.
-----
Suppose to meet with a girl I meet back Friday evening tonight, lets see how that goes.
What PXG said.
Tell me about it, same shit here... keeping myself occupied with friends and stuff to not think about it.
Then again I have alot of patience, I just have to do it right and slowly.
-----
Suppose to meet with a girl I meet back Friday evening tonight, lets see how that goes.
Haha yeah i know, i never ever do that when im sober. But during the night and being drunk, i just dont give a damn. Also especially when you had plans to meet her, and you know she is around there. You just say to yourself maybe she forgot to check her phone, but thats bullshit. I wonder why she just didnt text something like im here or im leaving.
Yeah man. The problem here is when im interested in one girl, i really cant pay attention to other girls, they just dont interest me. So my night was kinda ruined because i didnt feel like chatting up other girls or stuff like that. But ah well.
BronzeWolf
Banned
OK I was pretty wasted yesterday. And went to a party and flirted with 3 girls. Didn't follow through though, just trying not getting rusty
Yeah thats what im doing right now. I had the urge to text her with "Hey whats up, i didnt hear you anymore last night" but fuck that.
Hopefully i can bring an update soon, but im guessing if shes going to send back its going to be next thursday, friday or saturday.
Hypereides
Member
Honestly Raiden, I dont think you should expect any contact from her for about a month.
I expect the same from the girl Im going for too, I already sent her a text telling her directly that she should send me a message next time shes off and that I'll optionally text her in case I'll have some spare time - roughly translated.
We're probably both chasing the same chick
I expect the same from the girl Im going for too, I already sent her a text telling her directly that she should send me a message next time shes off and that I'll optionally text her in case I'll have some spare time - roughly translated.
We're probably both chasing the same chick
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
First of all, congratulations. It's awesome you guys clicked so quickly and had a good time. Now to address the two bolds:
- First one is a fail. Always carry protection man. And yeah I mean condoms, not a gun. You already have one and if you had brought protection you might have been able to use it. Always carry. Two if you can.
- Second bold I can relate to. Internet highfive to that shit for sure.
Had my third date/hangout with this girl spontaneously last night (not planned I just sort of texted 'you hungry?' and it went from there). After eating out we ended up having sex at her place a few times and I stayed over until this morning. She almost called in to work. It was awesome.
My inner self is working itself up over asking her out soon but is conflicted about moving things too fast. Like the above poster, we connected really quickly on a physical intimacy level so I don't want that to burn out a potential relationship. My outer self says that shit is just stupid and will lead me to a vulnerable position of valuing her too much so I shouldn't worry about that stuff and just see how things go.
Fuck overthinking though, I had a great night and right now that's all that matters.
Satanic Saint
Member
Thanks for the opinion guys. Sometimes I think that many girls in my class don't know me because I don't have a Facebook account. Just yesterday, a girl who is in my class was suprised that I am a drummer(I am performing tommorow in my college battle of the bands). So I was thinking how do you guys brag about things you do, things you are good at without sounding like a douchebag and without Facebook.
Also, I deleted my account because I think it was a total time waster.
Honestly Raiden, I dont think you should expect any contact from her for about a month.
I expect the same from the girl Im going for too, I already sent her a text telling her directly that she should send me a message next time shes off and that I'll optionally text her in case have I'll have some spare time - roughly translated.
We're probably both chasing the same chick
Haha man! Your not Belgian either are you
?Im just so tired of these texting games you know. Had a thing with a girl a couple of months ago as well, always had to play the ignore her game. Till she texted me and we met up. But i slept with her a couple of times so it paid off!
Wish it could all be more direct. Anway hope you get lucky man!
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
Someone said a while back in the old girl-age thread that texting should only ever be used to plan meet ups. If you're not planning or working towards asking someone out or finding what they are up to, don't text. That might be a good rule of thumb to try and follow.Haha man! Your not Belgian either are you
Im just so tired of these texting games you know. Had a thing with a girl a couple of months ago as well, always had to play the ignore her game. Till she texted me and we met up. But i slept with her a couple of times so it paid off!
Wish it could all be more direct. Anway hope you get lucky man!
Also, less is more. You did see that one image posted a page or two back right Raiden? Two texts max and then wait for her to respond or not respond. Every text thereafter before she has responded just digs you in a deeper hole of appearing insecure.
Haha yeah i saw that picture in the funny pics thread. I was getting there, sended her 4 texts without response, and called 3 times. Goddamn horrible to wake up and check your send messages.
It just sucked that she was the one to make arrangements to meet, and telling me that shes on her way and then ... nothing. Though i took way to long to get there and respond as well. But still, a simple "where are you? or "we're leaving" and i would be fine.
BronzeWolf
Banned
she is not that into you. get over it
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
She could be playing extremely hard-to-get.
Raiden, get a boombox and head over to her place.
It might work!
Haha yeah we'll see, there was already damage done and she still sended me a month later, on her birthday to meet up. And i only met her once before that.
We'll see, i wont be sending anymore, but im pretty positive that i'll hear from her again. Im going in for the kiss then, if she rejects or something well at least i tried.
We'll see, i wont be sending anymore, but im pretty positive that i'll hear from her again. Im going in for the kiss then, if she rejects or something well at least i tried.
I've said this for a while but some of you micromanage things and worry too much about fine details. "Should I call 3 hours after our date or 6 hours?" "Wait one hour to send another text or wait two to send three?" Who cares? They're stupid text messages. Be more concerned about how you present yourself, more than anything else. Trust me, in these early stages, she ain't gonna be upset that you texted her five minutes too late. Plus, having a job, having hobbies and being busy will make you think less about what she is and isn't doing. Let her worry about her. You worry about you.
Anyway, if she doesn't respond she's either:
A) busy
B) sleeping
C) not interested
D) dead
Having multiple prospects will make you less likely to fret over the lack of communication or get frustrated if one ends up being flaky. You're not committed to anyone, so there's no problem with having your options open. Don't assume things are going to work based on a long conversation or a good date or two. Nothing is guaranteed . Nothing is certain, remember that.
Never have just ONE prospective female. In the event things don't work out, you're left with nothing. Always have backups, it can't hurt you.
Anyway, if she doesn't respond she's either:
A) busy
B) sleeping
C) not interested
D) dead
Having multiple prospects will make you less likely to fret over the lack of communication or get frustrated if one ends up being flaky. You're not committed to anyone, so there's no problem with having your options open. Don't assume things are going to work based on a long conversation or a good date or two. Nothing is guaranteed . Nothing is certain, remember that.
Never have just ONE prospective female. In the event things don't work out, you're left with nothing. Always have backups, it can't hurt you.
I said it before, I am really glad you came out. You were not awkward at all to talk to. Dating wise though, I will admit that you're going to need a lot of help.
Because even though you told me you stopped being nervous around us, your body language still says otherwise and I know you said that's a condition of yours. You keep apologizing about being awkward when really the only awkward thing you did was apologizing. You look like you're not comfortable in your skin and that's a huge turn off to girls. You eat unhealthy and got winded rather easily just from walking a mile in a normal pace. That's why I said that your first steps should be towards self improvement. Don't worry about dating so much for now. So props to you for exercising, keep at it.
Another qualm I have is that you're so indecisive about your careers, your dreams, you don't even know the kind of girl you're looking for. Stop waiting for something to happen, just take action. Do something. Don't know what job you want? Fuck it, get a retail job so you can pay the bills and buy new clothes while you're looking. Nothing's going to get accomplished if you're just going to sit on your ass. Whether you like it or not, you need money to sustain *some* healthy lifestyle. Stay punk, that's fine. But you're so worried about "selling out" that you're not allowing yourself to be open to new experiences and the advices here.
Keep working on yourself. And don't be scared of some of the harshness from this thread. It's tough love but our goal is all the same.
*Sigh* Raiden, like everyone's been saying don't get your hopes up. Cut off all contact with and move on to other chicks who aren't going to waste your time. That chick was never worth your time.
I was in the same situation you've been in: went out with a girl several months ago, hit her up a two weeks later, never responded, saw her again last semester, got her number and tried contacting her but all I got was a cold one reply each time. In the end, my brothers convinced me to erase her number and I've moved on. It was the only chick who I thought expressed genuine interest in me. But I've since started to become more aware that other women are interested in me. So I would advise you do the same man; this chick is an attention whore who's feeding off of your attention.
I was in the same situation you've been in: went out with a girl several months ago, hit her up a two weeks later, never responded, saw her again last semester, got her number and tried contacting her but all I got was a cold one reply each time. In the end, my brothers convinced me to erase her number and I've moved on. It was the only chick who I thought expressed genuine interest in me. But I've since started to become more aware that other women are interested in me. So I would advise you do the same man; this chick is an attention whore who's feeding off of your attention.
scar tissue
Banned
This x1000
Don't put all your hopes in dating if you have SA/depression/whatever problems in life.
Learn to be a complete human being on your own, work on getting more sociable and THEN you can concentrate on dating.
Not saying you shouldn't try dating immediately, by all means, you should use every opportunity. Just don't make it the focus of your attention.
As for me, I've decided I'll take the next opportunity even if I don't find the girl that attractive. I'll just add more booze and bite the bullet.
I had the opportunity to sleep with a girl some time ago, but she wasn't very attractive and seemed extremely desperate. I literally just would've needed to lean forward and kiss her.
I don't know for sure if I even had the balls to go through with it or would've found some kind of excuse even if I liked her, but I immediately decided against it because of the combination of looks/desperation.
I sort of regret my decision now. You really need to take what you can get at first if you don't get many opportunities. Fuck your way up the food chain or something like that. I think any kind of sex would be a confidence booster, as long as the girl isn't very extremely ugly/overweight/unkempt (which in all fairness she was not, I'd give her a 4/10)
I think a major problem for me is that I'm a decent to good looking guy as far as I can tell and I really can't accept that I can only pull in ugly girls at best because of my SA.
Well, for now it's something that I'll have to suck up. Below-average looking girls, here I come!
Atramental
Banned
I don't know man, I think you should raise your standards.
Treat it like archery and at least aim for the bull's eye. You might not land a 9/10 or 8/10 but at least you'll have a greater chance of landing a 7/10 or a 6/10.
scar tissue
Banned
Well, my standards were up there, and look where it got me. Throwing away one of very few chances at sex I ever got, and certainly the most surefire one. I certainly won't pursue less than average girls, but if one throws herself at me like that again, I might bite.
I'd be pretty happy with a 7/10, and I'd actually be uncomfortable with anything above that, at least in a longer relationship.
I view myself as a 7/10, and with a girl that's more good-looking than me I'd be constantly nervous that another guy would take her away from me. The more good-looking a girl, the more she gets hit on. The more she gets hit on, the higher the chances some guy she finds attractive is among the 'hitters'.
Well, maybe all of this is just a phase that will go away and I'll up my standards again. Dunno.
BronzeWolf
Banned
Then work that ass off as a 10/10. I used to look myself that way but I have worked my way up to a 9/10.
I work around the basis that no girl will ever find a dude that's a better option than me. No brodude can take a girl away from me, they are all lower. And if they do, bitch be crazy
So operation "hang out with girl" was mostly a success. We cuddled and watched movies together and fooled around for like 8 hours. The only problem was spoiler for tmi
Good news is she understood and didn't really want to leave even though she lives like a 15 minute walk from my house.
Of course on the one hand I'm mad at myself because I was going to have sex for the first time in months, but on the other hand im pretty sure I have a ton of chances coming up.
I was blueballed by all the grinding and cuddling for that entire period and when I finally coerced her into fucking (made her cum like 3 times before) I got up to get the condom and my penis went "fuck you" and went away and towards the last few hours I was horny but my hardon became harder and harder to get. WELP. Now my fucking abdomen hurts and my balls are so sore
Good news is she understood and didn't really want to leave even though she lives like a 15 minute walk from my house.
Of course on the one hand I'm mad at myself because I was going to have sex for the first time in months, but on the other hand im pretty sure I have a ton of chances coming up.
iknowthatfeelbro.jpg
BronzeWolf
Banned
HINT: Don't spend 8 hours grinding. You don't coerce girls into fucking, you drop their antislut defenses. I might have a link for that.
What was the time frame of the 8 hours?
Let her introduce you to her friends. She OWES you that
It wasn't so much a coercion but making her really want it. I knew she wanted it but she didn't want to jump into it even though she wanted to.
Like she showed up at noonish, we watched movies and cuddled and she left at like 8:30 or something? It got progressively hotter as time went on, and she put on a movie and kept fucking teasing me while going "Nope nope! You gotta watch the movie. I'm gonna ask you if you know what going on" all while
grinding me and making out every couple minutes, and me fingering her till she came. Another time she basically rubbed herself off on my leg which was kind of hot.
BronzeWolf
Banned
Antislut defense. Reread the kino escalation ladder, you don't want to spend hours before getting a girl to do the dirty dance, and not because it's not fun, but because dry humping can get really painful.
Also, when a girl is dry humping or fooling around with you, she already knows that she wants to fuck you, it's just that she thinks "it's not ok yet".
Wellington
BAAAALLLINNN'
Weird to see my NYC bros in here. I feel like women are everywhere in the city. Damn near crawling out of vents and sewers. If I didn't have to leave to early I'd have followed Jon Bones' lead in picking shit up. Next time I guess.
Edit: Fucking OF COURSE last post on the page lol.
Edit: Fucking OF COURSE last post on the page lol.
Isn't it always? lmao
Noted.
Does that apply to dance floor grinding etc too? I'm trying to operate on the assumption that she is already interested and this could help
CF_Fighter
Member
Got my girl to fully strip tonight, felt good. Not to mention she looks damn good too, and yes I was sure to tell her that.
Seriously. I need to move to the city ASAP. Being in suburban New Jersey sucks.
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