Depression

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Surface of Me said:
Why were you fired exactly? If you don't mind talking about it.
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my position for the whole region was eliminated, including my manager and co-workers, i was told i was gonna get a package for COBRA in the mail and could possibly get a different position but im not sure whats happening yet

if i lose my insurance my meds become like nearly 200$ and i cant afford that and i will become so out of control i will end up in a mental hospital
 
SuperBonk said:
For those of you that recommend seeking professional help, how do you recommend doing so? My school has a "Wellness Exchange" center for these types of problems, but I'm not sure if that's the best outlet for me seeing as it seems to be more oriented towards victims of more serious problems like sexual assault and abuse
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It doesn't matter, just go to anyone. If they can't help you directly they can help find you someone that can.

SuperBonk said:
A big reason for why I'm hesitant to seek counseling is because I'm afraid I'll have a hard time articulating exactly why I feel like shit all the time.
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The counsellers are trained to help you articulate your problems and already have experience in helping others do the same.
 
neojubei said:
The best part about dead is not having to feel or know anything. Had to block a bunch of people on Facebook. I just got so tired of them posting photos from Disney. They get to have each other and I'm always alone always. Best thing about being is not having to feel alone and sad and upset at the same time. Being dead means I can sleep peacefully. I'm dreading going to Japan and I know it will be just another nail in this coffin of my horrid life.

And it doesn't get better not for me. No treatments or medication seem to work. Either to die or a lobotomy to destroy my personality seem the two best options.

What's the point of anything if you already failed at life.
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Ok cool. Well, good luck with the lobotomy.
 
I've typed up a post in here many times and delete it every time.

Reading through the thread, I see a lot of people being depressed at failing at life, being lonely etc. For me its kind of different.

I've been depressed (not as bad as some people in here) for a good two years now. To me it seems like a milder case of re-occuring depression. I make decent money, have just quit smoking about two months ago, feel fit and everything but just cannot seem to be happy with people around me. My parents and girl just depress the shit out of me.
So it's not me it's others that trigger it for me.

On my parents side, they are at an all time low. Crappy jobs, shitty finances and being in their late 40's early 50's they should be enjoying life right now. But when I call or visit its always the same stuff. Every time I visit I get that feeling like I am a loser and not doing enough for them, wishing I was making much more to support them. When I tell them to look into better jobs, they don't want to hear it. Basically they gave up, just waiting for retirement. They are my parents, I can't just quit them, so I am stuck

My girls side, she has no motivation in life. We have been together for almost seven years and she used to be much different. As a twenty something year old you should be out there wanting something out of your life, but she expects it to be given to her. Every time we talk, she wants to travel, go places and buy things. I do too, but I need to work for it first. When I mention it we get into huge fights and the past month and half have been one of the worst. There is more to it but my issue is that I do love her alot to just break it up. So, this is why I am stuck here too.

I know this may sound as a man the fuck up type of thing, but I really don't know what to do. My anxiety is killing me and its on my mind 24/7.

Sorry for the livejournal, just needed it out.
 
Sadsic said:
if i lose my insurance my meds become like nearly 200$ and i cant afford that and i will become so out of control i will end up in a mental hospital
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there must be government assistance in a case like this? Wouldn't Medicare cover you if you lost your insurance and can't afford COBRA?
 
Piano said:
Does anyone here have experience with seroquel? I've tapered from 50mg XR down to 12.5mg IR over the past two weeks and have been feeling faint and sometimes dizzy since the latest decrease.

Seems like I just have low blood pressure. Could it be a withdrawal symptom?
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I'm on 150MG of quetiapine and it makes me really tired and I do get dizzy at times. I'm starting to get used to it now though. I imagine its something similar for you, your body is adjusting, but if it gets worse you should definitely check with a doctor.
 
Hope it gets better for you guys, sounds like a tough time, I remember being depressed a few years ago I felt like I was hitting a wall of anger with nowhere to go.

My boyfriend has recently fallen into depression, he sleeps all day and is grumpy sometimes. I've asked him what's changed that would cause him to feel depressed. He says he doesn't know, that he just gets depressed sometimes. But he's also mentioned he's been having "bad thoughts", due to stress and his weight issue, which is likely causing him some health problems. He has been taking meds for about a year or so. I took him out on Saturday to see if I could cheer him up a bit by dancing and talking. When school breaks for the summer I am considering of quitting my job and going to stay at his place, and looking for a summer job there.
 
OK, I recently suddenly felt depressed and very sad and hopeless;

I usually am, but I don't 'feel' or 'think' about it consciously; Recently watched Steins; Gate and pitied myself how lackluster my life is... I'm still into it... 24 and still living in animes and games... I want to hate myself for being this stupid.


---
btw, recently read a book "Learned Optimism"; it is about how talking to ourselves in hopeless manners (like, I am so stupid and gonna be stupid) will lead to pessimism and hopelessness and finally depression; not a bad read.

It has a rather interesting test for evaluating depression level. Am I allowed to extract that from the book and post it here?!

Well, they're not really performed anymore, but you could cancel Japan and go to some dangerous third world country instead and probably get one done there.
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If by any chance s/he decides to come to Iran, s/he can drop at my place...
 
Mercury Fred said:
Well, they're not really performed anymore, but you could cancel Japan and go to some dangerous third world country instead and probably get one done there.
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I wish i had some disease like HIV or something so i can just sit and wait for the end.

My so called friend is back from Florida and text me to see if i was ok. I did text him back he already has plenty of friends and a boyfriend to keep him company.

I've been reading Feeling Good by David Burns and doing some of the exercises in that book and it doesn't help me. Writing down my negative thoughts does not help anything it only makes me feel even worse about being me. The book doesn't say anything is worth looking forward to because there isn't. why live if everything is horrible.

Medication, books or even talking with someone isn't going to make the future better at all. I feel like i need to end everything soon. i never asked to be born or to be alive.

Nothing good ever happens to me. i know i will regret seeing me friend in Japan. he probably will have a boyfriend. Maybe that shock will finally push myself to just end my life. At least he can live a good life.
 
neojubei said:
I wish i had some disease like HIV or something so i can just sit and wait for the end.

My so called friend is back from Florida and text me to see if i was ok. I did text him back he already has plenty of friends and a boyfriend to keep him company.

I've been reading Feeling Good by David Burns and doing some of the exercises in that book and it doesn't help me. Writing down my negative thoughts does not help anything it only makes me feel even worse about being me. The book doesn't say anything is worth looking forward to because there isn't. why live if everything is horrible.

Medication, books or even talking with someone isn't going to make the future better at all. I feel like i need to end everything soon. i never asked to be born or to be alive.

Nothing good ever happens to me. i know i will regret seeing me friend in Japan. he probably will have a boyfriend. Maybe that shock will finally push myself to just end my life. At least he can live a good life.
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Well, you could always contract HIV and also find someone to perform the lobotomy and cover all your bases.
 
neojubei said:
Nothing good ever happens to me.
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According to probability, the only way that statement can be true is if your definition of "good" is unattainably high. I think finding twenty bucks in the road is good, but you would likely say it doesn't matter, it isn't fixing anything. I think meeting a cute girl and getting her number is good, but you would likely mentally assume the worst, that it wouldn't work out, or that she wouldn't like you.

You got these goalposts that can never be reached. The universe doesn't treat you unfairly...it might be the other way around.
 
I just wish I could get some real life friends. Once they know I'm gay, they run for the hills. Living in a city with 5 gay people isn't easy either.
 
neojubei said:
The best part about dead is not having to feel or know anything. Had to block a bunch of people on Facebook. I just got so tired of them posting photos from Disney. They get to have each other and I'm always alone always. Best thing about being is not having to feel alone and sad and upset at the same time. Being dead means I can sleep peacefully. I'm dreading going to Japan and I know it will be just another nail in this coffin of my horrid life.

And it doesn't get better not for me. No treatments or medication seem to work. Either to die or a lobotomy to destroy my personality seem the two best options.

What's the point of anything if you already failed at life.
Click to expand...

I went through this same thing. I was depressed as fuck when I had a facebook. I'm a huge loser but I still had "friends".

I used to get depressed as hell seeing pictures of these people telling me they were my friends yet going to places without me, having fun, while I was in my room crying. Especially when Monday came and suddenly they wanted to get together to work on school stuff but Friday/Sat/Sun they did stuff without me.

I got rid of my facebook and have felt better since. I know they are still doing awesome stuff without me but at least I don't have to see pictures of it or see comments like "SO FUN!" "We should do it again!!" "I love you guys!! <3".

ugh

get rid of your damn facebook.
 
Mercury Fred said:
I'm sure you could hire someone. Maybe through Craigslist?
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why would i do that? seriously why do i have to pay someone to be with me? im so sick of this life i never ask for it.


ghostofsparta said:
I went through this same thing. I was depressed as fuck when I had a facebook. I'm a huge loser but I still had "friends".

I used to get depressed as hell seeing pictures of these people telling me they were my friends yet going to places without me, having fun, while I was in my room crying. Especially when Monday came and suddenly they wanted to get together to work on school stuff but Friday/Sat/Sun they did stuff without me.

I got rid of my facebook and have felt better since. I know they are still doing awesome stuff without me but at least I don't have to see pictures of it or see comments like "SO FUN!" "We should do it again!!" "I love you guys!! <3".

ugh

get rid of your damn facebook.
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Trying to find out how to delete it. they make it so difficult.
 
I have read this thread for a while and I can't help but sympathize with everyone here.

Depression has been one of the constants in my life. I've always felt a sort of voice in my head, an evil alter ego, that permanently puts me down. It makes no difference whether I achieve some semi important goal or (more likely) how I fail at something. It's always there, minimizing my accomplishments, magnifying my failures.

My wife of three years is going away with another man. Ten years of relationship, three years of marriage, all gone because she was in love with another man while she was married to me most of that time. She helped me become more confident over time, and I helped her grow as a person (she was baptized a Jehova's Witness, and now is a Geology major in college). I moved out of state for her, so she could be with her family, go to the school that she wanted to go, and now she leaves me for an old love, who gives her something different that I offer, something that she yearns now as a 27 year old freshman in college.

I stopped doing things for myself so I could keep her happy, and that kept the 'voices' at bay for a while. But in the past two months that she's been in college they have come back in full force and so I have been depressed. And yesterday she told she wanted to leave. I guess she finally realized I wasn't giving her what she needed emotionally, etc...

Something weird happened. Instead of falling deeper into depression and feeling sorry for myself, for the first time in my life I realized I have to love myself in order to be able to accomplish things. I got tired of ME, so I couldn't blame her. I told the other me to go away and never come back. I told her she could leave if she wanted, and that I wouldn't hold anything against her. Although it hurts, life happens and seeing her suffer all the same (despite cheating on me and going away with somebody else) helped me realize we all make mistakes. My mistake was marrying her, despite what I felt for her. I didn't see her as a wife but as someone that could fix my own problems.

All of this happened yesterday... today I have accomplished more than what I've done in years. It's empowering to know despite the horrible things that happen in life, there's still some kind of control that you can exert over some of the things in your life.

I guess I don't have much else to say. Hopefully some of the people here can experience something similar. And believe me, it's not easy, but it can happen.
 
Mercury Fred said:
Get off Facebook for starters, several people have already suggested this.
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Deleted my Facebook permanently several months ago. Then I remade it about a month ago, and I felt back into a more-than-usual depressive slump. I deleted it three days ago. I'm not looking back or remaking it this time. Fuck 'em.

Also, forcing myself to go to the gym after work has been helping too. So is reading.

I think the key for me is staying busy with hobbies or activities that I enjoy as opposed to dwelling.
 
Pegasoos said:
Deleted my Facebook permanently several months ago. Then I remade it about a month ago, and I felt back into a more-than-usual depressive slump. I deleted it three days ago. I'm not looking back or remaking it this time. Fuck 'em.

Also, forcing myself to go to the gym after work has been helping too. So is reading.

I think the key for me is staying busy with hobbies or activities that I enjoy as opposed to dwelling.
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I wish i could go to the gym but when i do i concentrate on how other look so much better than me so it is very easy for them to get anyone but for me i cannot seem to meet anyone.
 
I'm supposed to be working on a term paper right now so I can't go through and respond to every individual post. But I wanted to drop in to say I read all responses to this thread in their entirety. I'm listening. Know that someone is listening.

I'd be up for setting up some sort of communication chain. I'd be happy to get on the phone and talk to any of you if you want some voice to voice thoughts.

Or, I can do all of that in a week, when I'm done with my term papers.
 
So I wrote down some stuff that would make me happy or at the very least feel less down. Feels unattainable right now though. Part of my list.

1. Find a new less stressful job
2. lose weight
3. move out on my own
4. buy a car
5. go back to school for software engineering.


Problem is that things i am dealing with now seem to overwhelming i do not think i can accomplish anything. Every time i see people posting their yearly salary or pics in the lose weight thread here i feel even more worse as if i failed at life.
 
neojubei said:
So I wrote down some stuff that would make me happy or at the very least feel less down. Feels unattainable right now though. Part of my list.

1. Find a new less stressful job
2. lose weight
3. move out on my own
4. buy a car
5. go back to school for software engineering.


Problem is that things i am dealing with now seem to overwhelming i do not think i can accomplish anything. Every time i see people posting their yearly salary or pics in the lose weight thread here i feel even more worse as if i failed at life.
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Put losing weight higher on your list. Looking better will make you feel a little better, will give you better chances at getting a better job, which will get you money. Save some money. Buy a car. Then move out. Either way improving your core(like how you feel about yourself and your health) will be the most important thing at this point.

For now only focus on the weight so you can actually achieve something. Eventually you will start looking into new clothes, and basically overall improving other things.
 
~Kinggi~ said:
Put losing weight higher on your list. Looking better will make you feel a little better, will give you better chances at getting a better job, which will get you money. Save some money. Buy a car. Then move out. Either way improving your core(like how you feel about yourself and your health) will be the most important thing at this point.

For now only focus on the weight so you can actually achieve something. Eventually you will start looking into new clothes, and basically overall improving other things.
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Losing weight is hard when my job is stressful and soul crushing. Either i eat or cause a scene at work that will get me fired and probably unhireable for a while. Not having to deal with screaming adult-children everyday will help. i just need to find the motivation to do my resume and find a suit to wear for interviews. i know i am very fat now over 310lbs i think. i tried joining a gym and weight watchers at my job but the calls are the most stressful thing that causes me to eat. If it wasn't for the health benefits i would quit right now. i hate the healthcare system in this country.
 
If I keep skipping class and homework, I'm going to fail. I'm taking one single fucking class. I keep destroying everything good that happens to me. Was seeing an awesome therapist a few months ago but stopped because my insurance had run out and I panicked. Too nervous to go to a doctor to get my thyroid medication because I don't want to be lectured about how stupid I am to have let it run out again. If I don't pass, register for class and deal with this, I'll be kicked out again. I'm such a fucking mooch.

Looking forward to PAX... I'll get to see friends I'm too embarrassed to keep in touch with anymore.
 
Losing weight is hard with depression.
Currently my medication is fucking up my metabolism and making me all bloated.
Plus, those days were you don't have the energy or will to do anything.
I suggest having someone to work out with. That way at least you can have something steady.
 
doitlive said:
Losing weight is hard with depression.
Currently my medication is fucking up my metabolism and making me all bloated.
Plus, those days were you don't have the energy or will to do anything.
I suggest having someone to work out with. That way at least you can have something steady.
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Doesn't work for me. i have my sister and a gym friend and i still don't go. Most times after work i just cannot deal with anyone. Call centers kill any energy i have, im emotionally and physically drained when i go home. some days i cannot even concentrate on anything and lay in bed so pissed off at everything. At the gym having to deal with some asshole hogging the machines or treadmill might cause me to unload all the pent up rage i have from work.
 
If i was good looking i would have more self confidence. Looking the way i am, being short and fat really really makes me feel worse. Spring and Summer is going to be awful all the hot good looking guys will parade in half naked clothing and i probably will wear a windbreaker to hide my fat and ugliness. I do not know why i even wake up everyday.
 
RPGCrazied said:
I bet I'm older! :P Aren't you like 20 something?
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nope. we are about the same age remember?

I swear it must be a nice feeling to be good-looking young and have a fit body. i never had that even when i was younger. More than half the clothes in my closet it i cannot wear because they cannot fit me. I try and convince myself that one day i will lose weight but i know it won't happen which makes me even more depressed. thinking about this makes me want to just stab myself in the eye.
 
You can lose weight without going to the gym.

Also, some of your goals appear to conflict with each other. Going back to school AND buying a car AND moving out? Unless you're made of money, doing all three things simultaneously is going to be pretty difficulty. Figure out what your main priority is and start working on that. You'll just stress yourself out and end up doing nothing if you try to do everything at once.
 
neojubei said:
nope. we are about the same age remember?

I swear it must be a nice feeling to be good-looking young and have a fit body. i never had that even when i was younger. More than half the clothes in my closet it i cannot wear because they cannot fit me. I try and convince myself that one day i will lose weight but i know it won't happen which makes me even more depressed. thinking about this makes me want to just stab myself in the eye.
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I'm almost 35, and I hear you. I'll never have a fit body either. I have 0 motivation to work out. I do 25 pushups like every other day, but that's it. And that's why I'm single too. Nobody wants a middle aged below average looking gay dude.
 
Captain_Spanky said:
Kind of sick of spending every night alone waking up screaming because of nightmares and crying myself to sleep. Been over a year man I just want out.
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I apologize if you've gone into this before, but if you're seeing a professional psychiatrist about this, it's worth mentioning that to him. Hell, it's worth mentioning it to your primary care physician if you don't have a psychiatrist set up. There's a number of medications that for both short term and long term, help you fight those nights, with a very low side effect profile. I am on remeron/mirtzapine myself, and it has done wonders for keeping me asleep and not stewing myself into emotional nightmares.

Surface of Me said:
Ah fuck I thought I was getting better but now I just feel like cutting.
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As a reformed cutter myself, the best suggestion I've gotten from a doctor (it sounds cheesy but it helped me) is to have a rubber band around your wrist and flick it when the impulse to cut comes. You can go fairly nuts on it, and still get the same "pain momentarily disrupts the negative emotion" sensation but without the medical risk. If and only if you're up for it, trying to use those two seconds of clarity to substitute the thought that made you want to cut yourself with something vaguely positive is a good baby step.
 
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