HarryHengst
Member
This is a really unhealthy attitude to have.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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you mean when a girl says hi to me she doesn't want to sleep with me????
Beer Monkey
Member
Probably 10% of the women I approach, I want to have sex with. I'd say 80% of the women I ask out, I'm sure I want to have sex with. 99% of the women I ask out a second time, I want to have sex with.
Power over the typical beta male, sure.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I kinda hate you.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Eh... Uh... Better not to say anything.
It's not a problem that she sleeps around a lot. And if it were, it's not yours.
Vermillion
Banned
Hah. This one girl I talked to last night was like "I'm pretty sure most guys just wanna have sex with me." Now I respect her enough that I kinda want her number. IDK if I should get it through a mutual friend or just see if they can't get me whenever they invite her to a party again.
Got a text from the girl I'm meeting tomorrow. Seems like everything is go. Never met anyone online like this(I've met guys but meeting friends is different). I'm meeting her at a bar on a rooftop which is meant to have a great view of the city, after that I'm going to take her to a Spanish tapas place which is meant to be good(although we might have to wait a while because you can't make bookings), then to a bar across the road in a square, and some cocktail lounge thing above that. I have some backups if anything goes bad but I think that sounds good. A rock and roll bar may be included somewhere.
And her hotel room.
FallingEdge
Member
The concept of 'power in a relationship' is pointing to signs of a poor relationship.
I feel sorry for any of your potential bfs, assuming if that is what you are looking for.
I just have a feeling you end up in relationships with dickheads.
Boozeroony
Member
Or dates guys with spines of a jellyfish.
How long is the date going to be? Sounds a hell of a lot to cram into a first date, location wise
Not really. It's all within the CBD. The first bar is probably the furthest point being about a 10 minute walk from the others. I guess it'll start at like 8 at the first bar, dinner at 9 till I dunno, 11, then out after. It's also because she's coming from another city and wanted to be shown around. If we like a place I'm obviously not going to force her to leave. It's just those are the ideas I have, we can do one, two or all.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Better to get her number in person, not through a 3rd party. If you have to wait to see her again, wait.
:lol
Knew these kind of responses were coming...
When I was a bachelor, 100% of the ladies I approached/asked out, I wanted to have sex with. Otherwise, I wouldn't have approached them. Now, sometimes I wanted a relationship too, but sex was always part of it.
This isn't some way-out-there notion, either.
Never said it was a problem. (But obviously her friends think it is.) Just that I wouldn't call her a "player".
There are power dynamics in every kind of relationship/friendship. But I believe this thread is kinda proof of the power women yield in the beginning parts of dating/courtship. Just read the thread.
I'm a happily married guy.
Knew these kind of responses were coming...
When I was a bachelor, 100% of the ladies I approached/asked out, I wanted to have sex with. Otherwise, I wouldn't have approached them. Now, sometimes I wanted a relationship too, but sex was always part of it.
This isn't some way-out-there notion, either.
Never said it was a problem. (But obviously her friends think it is.) Just that I wouldn't call her a "player".
There are power dynamics in every kind of relationship/friendship. But I believe this thread is kinda proof of the power women yield in the beginning parts of dating/courtship. Just read the thread.
I'm a happily married guy.
Ah, nice one! Definitely make sense now
luckyboyceo
Member
Well apparently the "chat" we had yesterday didn't go as well as I thought it did.
She texted me this morning telling me she's developed feelings for someone else.
Not really even sure what to say at this point.
She texted me this morning telling me she's developed feelings for someone else.
Not really even sure what to say at this point.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Yeah I just recently got her out of my mind and I am not going through that again. I couldn't do anything about it even if I wanted to. She never replied when I sent the occasional hi before I knew about all this. In fact this all feels like a cruel and unfunny joke.
Exactly. They don't listen to me though and think I have a leash around her still.
I tried telling them that. Let her make her own mistakes. It's all a part of being young and growing up. Why stop that natural process.
They said they try and she doesn't listen or something.
We were good friends, but I don't even see the big problem. She is just having casual sex. Not her problem that the guys think that it is otherwise.
I think the problem is that she has been going to them and asking what she should do and crap with all the drama. And then every time she fucks the advice up by sleeping with another guy and then having that guy want a relationship with her as well. So they don't know how to stop her or something...
Eh, a guy that sleeps with a lot of women is a player, why can't a girl that sleeps with a lot of guys be the same. I had no tabs on her. Her friends literally write to me on facebook when she is fucking a dude and ask for me to do something. Super annoying. It's not my fucking life.
Exactly. They don't listen to me though and think I have a leash around her still.
I tried telling them that. Let her make her own mistakes. It's all a part of being young and growing up. Why stop that natural process.
They said they try and she doesn't listen or something.
We were good friends, but I don't even see the big problem. She is just having casual sex. Not her problem that the guys think that it is otherwise.
I think the problem is that she has been going to them and asking what she should do and crap with all the drama. And then every time she fucks the advice up by sleeping with another guy and then having that guy want a relationship with her as well. So they don't know how to stop her or something...
Eh, a guy that sleeps with a lot of women is a player, why can't a girl that sleeps with a lot of guys be the same. I had no tabs on her. Her friends literally write to me on facebook when she is fucking a dude and ask for me to do something. Super annoying. It's not my fucking life.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Best thing you can do is nothing right now. Honestly. No contact, no facebook, nothing. If she comes back to you then good. If she doesn't then let her go.
Beer Monkey
Member
That was me after my divorce. I've gotten a lot pickier. If I decide I'm not REALLY hot for someone, I lose attraction. I'm getting better and better quality women. Sometimes I think I'm attracted to somebody but after one date or one time hanging out, the attraction fades. An evening taking one girl home is an evening I could be spending socializing and meeting somebody I'm more attracted to, or hanging with friends that I really enjoy. So yeah, about 20% of the time even if I approach somebody or ask them out I may ultimately decide they just don't push my buttons enough to really be worth my while. Some of my friends are stunned at the girls I end up flaking on.
The other part of it is trying not to get too much of a reputation as a man-whore in my favorite neighborhood. Some girls are intrigued if they know you've slept with a couple of their friends and then flaked on them, but some are put off by it.
it happens man. Just forget it, move on. Her loss, right?
Vermillion
Banned
Good text for someone you met at a party?
Open by mentioning something you talked about or saw at the party, then ask him/her out for a drink.
Vermillion
Banned
Couldn't do the second part. I've got nothing with me. And 18, so no bars.
Coffee/tea is fine too. But what do you mean by, 'I've got nothing with me.'?
Devolution
Member
He doesn't have alcohol in his dorm or apartment I assume.
Vermillion
Banned
^Yeah.
What do you guys do if the girl shows no interest in hanging out with you?
Whenever we have break, like winter break or now spring break, my girl shows no interest in setting up dates to hang out. I remember during winter break we never saw each until the day we came back.
She's already expressed her dislike of going to each other's houses for some reason or another. She says her parents are always home and that they dont want her going out because she spends too much time going to practice, and other school activities. It's probably true, but unlike her, I would do anything to see her. If I were trapped at home, I would still try to find a way to see her.
I feel like all she wants me to do as a boyfriend is talk to her on the phone about her day, walk/drive her to places and that's it. Only twice in 3 1/2 months have we ever cuddled/made out. How can I increase the frequency of that happening if she doesn't want to hangout?
Whenever we have break, like winter break or now spring break, my girl shows no interest in setting up dates to hang out. I remember during winter break we never saw each until the day we came back.
She's already expressed her dislike of going to each other's houses for some reason or another. She says her parents are always home and that they dont want her going out because she spends too much time going to practice, and other school activities. It's probably true, but unlike her, I would do anything to see her. If I were trapped at home, I would still try to find a way to see her.
I feel like all she wants me to do as a boyfriend is talk to her on the phone about her day, walk/drive her to places and that's it. Only twice in 3 1/2 months have we ever cuddled/made out. How can I increase the frequency of that happening if she doesn't want to hangout?
FallingEdge
Member
That doesn't sound like a proper relationship. Have you talked to her about the lack of physical attention and how you are feeling right now? It doesn't sound too good right now =/
HarryHengst
Member
You cant if she is unwilling to invest time and effort in you, and i would prepare for the inevitable breakup.
luckyboyceo
Member
Yeah, I've been surprisingly understanding throughout it all today, I guess because I sensed something was up and I've had time to prepare.
She still has feelings for me but says she's unsure about which direction she's going in. I suggested she take some time away from the both of us so she could figure out how she felt. I don't plan on talking to or communicating with her at all until she decides what's up. I told her I'm committed to working through this but if not then yeah, her loss.
Thanks for the help.
you are not "together". You are a guy she uses for emotional support and to make her life more convenient. Do not drive her or spend any time on the phone with her anymore. Any requests from her besides "will you sleep with me" gets a prompt No from you now.
MisterNugNug
Member
Yeah if she's unsure about what she wants, then you're doing the right and smart thing.
Glorified G
Member
You suggested that she uses you as a backup in case it never works out with the other guy. You're not a coat in a closet that she can be pick up whenever she feels like. If plan A doesn't work out for her she goes to plan b (you). If she calls, I wouldn't respond.
lawlohwhat
Banned
Oh god, not this again.
1. A healthy first 'date' with someone is an evaluative process for both parties. There are a lot of guys out there who are just trying to get sex in whatever way possible, but they are probably compensating for something else that's missing from their lives. The rest of us aren't trying to get girls to sleep with us any more than they are trying to do the same.
2. This thread is NOT a representative sample of the population at large and shouldn't be used for qualitative reference. We are a largely internet-savvy group of guys who are often gamers. On top of that, many of the people attracted to this thread want to improve themselves, so naturally there will be a good portion of folks who have a small base of experience with the opposite sex which translates into a perception of unequal power dynamics.
Houston3000
Member
Is he hitting on or flirting with her? Do you not trust your girlfriend? How do you know he has a crush?
That's bullshit
That's not a real proper relationship, I'm sorry. How do you only make out twice in that period of time? If I seriously start dating a girl I make out with her more on the second date than you have in almost four months.
Vermillion
Banned
Fixed.
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
Yup. I am in a relationship of 4 months right now myself and it should be far more than that. We probably had sex 2 weeks into the relationship, and I considered that "waiting for awhile before doing it"
Well, joining a gym is again an issue with the money. Plus I have massive scars on my lower legs, so I can't wear shorts.
Were I actually in a position to be dating, I expect this would be a real problem for me too. At this point I am honestly tired of thinking about sex so much and wanting to have sex, sometimes I wish it was just something that I could get over and focus on stuff that's supposed to really matter. Sadly this also costs money and in this country I don't think any of the "service providers" do discounts for virgins.
And yes, I have seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and yes I've heard all that stuff about "not putting the pussy on a pedestal", but really, try telling that to my penis!
Houston3000
Member
Bullshit, gyms can cost as little as $10 a month. Cut out McDonalds for ONE day and you can almost pay for it.
No one gives a shit about your legs having scars... especially at a gym. You're disillusioned if you think people care that much, and also if you think it even matters what people at the gym think (You're not going to meet women in the gym anyways, women don't like being approached in the gym)
No later than the 3rd date or I'm outYup. I am in a relationship of 4 months right now myself and it should be far more than that. We probably had sex 2 weeks into the relationship, and I considered that "waiting for awhile before doing it"
luckyboyceo
Member
Thanks man, that's what I think as well.
Respectfully, I disagree completely.
She hasn't cheated on me or acted on her feelings. She says this is something she just realized and felt obligated to let me know. She still has feelings for me, as she does him, and is just very confused on which direction she needs to go in. I told her I'd give her her space while she figured it out so that she could think with a clear mind, but that's it. I don't see how I suggested that I'd be a backup for her.
Devolution
Member
Good post.
If she doesn't want to sacrifice (and even that sounds stupid since I don't consider it a sacrifice myself) some time to hang out with you or even looks forward to it, then why is she with you?
Two now, what do you want to know specifically?
Yeah, I don't go to McDonalds regularly. Or even at all, any more, I really can't afford it. Also don't forget I live in the UK, where everything costs 1.5 to 2 times as much as America plus we have 20% sales tax on everything (including gym memberships). I challenge you to find me a UK gym in the Cambridge area that only charges £6.29 (the equivalent of $10) for its services.
Whether or not other people would care or not is not the point at all. Unless there's something other than shorts that can be used in a gym setting, then I don't want to do it.
Track pants.
OK, I freely admit to being an idiot, I should have thought of that. Mind you, I don't have money to buy track pants either, so that's kind of an obstacle as well.
FallingEdge
Member
Just don't do curls in the squat/power rack and everything will be fine.
Devolution
Member
Save up. Until then do push ups and squats at home.
http://store.nike.com/us/en_us/?l=s...02+12002+4294962511+4294967022/t-Men's_Tights
Wear some shorts over it. Done.
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