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[HarryHengst]

The girl im dating announced we were exclusive after a week, and that i had no say in the matter. :lol

But like Klyka, i was totally fine with it because i knew after like two hours into our first date i wanted to be with her.

 

[Boozeroony]

The girl im dating announced we were exclusive after a week, and that i had no say in the matter. :lol

But like Klyka, i was totally fine with it because i knew after like two hours into our first date i wanted to be with her.

A week? Fuck that!

I expect at least a couple of weeks before I am truly exclusive.

 

[ZombieFred]

Well I thought I just join in this thread and post my feelings after everything that has happened to me, now that I feel in such high spirits;

I was in a five year relationship (living with her and her parents for three years when I moved a different county) and it was great for me and her since of how much alike and same interests we did, and we did a lot of stuff together, and I proposed to her this October and was about to buy a house. Very soon after that she broke her foot and started living this online life when she was flirting and cybering with girls as she wanted to have fun with them, as she was on the birth control and she had all these feelings coming off her and wanted to explore. I tried to cope with this but failed when I was doing all the hard work and she was kind of giving me the cold shoulder. It all broke up in January (I made a thread a while ago) and rolling to now I am enjoying myself a lot.

I’ve got my own house I pay rent to myself and have been working into great shape and feel a lot happier I have made a life up here. I was amazed to see how much confidence I’ve got when with these two guys I hang out with and last week I just went up to girls at bars and made conversation and actually got around four different numbers doing this (although no responses for me but I did manage to get my friends confidence out and has got a number too and now they are talking haha) and when I went clubbing this weekend for the first time, I got a girl to come back to my place but she had alcohol poisoning so I look after her throughout the morning and made sure she was ok before going home (she hugged and thanked me a lot saying if I wasn’t there someone could have taken the advantage or if she was by herself and slept on her back she might of not been alive). I really am feeling a lot alive again now and seem to be recovering a lot, although I still have some wounds left on me from my ex, I’ve made sure she won’t be in my life again with all the “open relationship, I want a poly relationship, orgies and stuff, etc” attitude, it would have really made things worse for me and she would only hold me back, screw my mind up. I am feeling good about myself now and I hope it just keeps getting better and better

 

[TheyTookOurJobs]

That wasn't a joke post; more like a stream of consciousness post. She sounds weird, but she's nice on the phone. She's going to school for medical assisting.

 

[hawkshockey11]

"Hey XXXXXX, I just wanted to ask you why you've been so cold to me lately? I know that we broke up, but I don't understand why we can't still be friends. I'm just honestly curious, it something I did when we were together?"

Just say that, and if she doesn't respond, move on. It's better to know than just wondering for however long. What have you got to lose?

Wrote it up but I am too scared to send it. I know nothing will happen...

 

[Xun]

Interesting.

Went out with an old friend of mine tonight, and he wanted to try build up my confidence.

He got up from the table we were sitting at and walked over to some girls we noticed. He told them I was shy and then called me over to sit with them.

Wasn't too badly actually, and I think I was somewhat calm considering I was sort of thrown into it all. One of the girls seemed to dig me (judging from how she was acting), but I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps she likes the shy type? She was absolutely gorgeous so I'm kicking myself a bit for not getting her number, but I feel like I'm progressing a bit anyway.

Onwards and upwards I suppose!

 

[luckyboyceo]

Wrote it up but I am too scared to send it. I know nothing will happen...

This is your ex, right? The same one we've been discussing over the past week or so? I'm confused, why are you trying to reach out to her again? To get your money? Or other reasons?

Interesting.

Went out with an old friend of mine tonight, and he wanted to try build up my confidence.

He got up from the table we were sitting at and walked over to some girls we noticed. He told them I was shy and then called me over to sit with them.

Wasn't too badly actually, and I think I was somewhat calm considering I was sort of thrown into it all. One of the girls seemed to dig me (judging from how she was acting), but I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps she likes the shy type? She was absolutely gorgeous so I'm kicking myself a bit for not getting her number, but I feel like I'm progressing a bit anyway.

Onwards and upwards I suppose!

Nice man! Progress is progress. Try not to kick yourself over it, just use this experience to propel you into an even better situation next time around.

 

[Furio53]

Interesting.

Went out with an old friend of mine tonight, and he wanted to try build up my confidence.

He got up from the table we were sitting at and walked over to some girls we noticed. He told them I was shy and then called me over to sit with them.

Wasn't too badly actually, and I think I was somewhat calm considering I was sort of thrown into it all. One of the girls seemed to dig me (judging from how she was acting), but I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps she likes the shy type? She was absolutely gorgeous so I'm kicking myself a bit for not getting her number, but I feel like I'm progressing a bit anyway.

Onwards and upwards I suppose!

Hey man, that's a start! You've got a good friend there.

 

[hawkshockey11]

This is your ex, right? The same one we've been discussing over the past week or so? I'm confused, why are you trying to reach out to her again? To get your money? Or other reasons?


Nice man! Progress is progress. Try not to kick yourself over it, just use this experience to propel you into an even better situation next time around.

Only since Tuesday.
Just trying to be friends or at least acquaintances. I need to settle down though. Was just freaking out a little with the whole birthday thing. I thought we were ready to talk again, but she clearly isn't feeling the same way. It has only been 2.5 months since she stopped talking to me, still plenty of time.

I am clearly not ready if I am this intent on talking to her again. She hasn't de-friended me after these 3 months so it can't be that she never wants anything to do with me ever again, right? Just need to settle down and see if it works out in the future.

 

[Izick]

Only since Tuesday.
Just trying to be friends or at least acquaintances. I need to settle down though. Was just freaking out a little with the whole birthday thing. I thought we were ready to talk again, but she clearly isn't feeling the same way. It has only been 2.5 months since she stopped talking to me, still plenty of time.

I am clearly not ready if I am this intent on talking to her again. She hasn't de-friended me after these 3 months so it can't be that she never wants anything to do with me ever again, right? Just need to settle down and see if it works out in the future.

Do you see her everyday or have a bunch of mutual friends? I don't know you just can't ask her what's up.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Do you see her everyday or have a bunch of mutual friends? I don't know you just can't ask her what's up.

She is in college 3 hours away at the moment and besides one or two people no. I am just giving it more time though.

 

[blackwatchplad]

I've been doing fine for days at a time, with occasional bad days scattered about.
But I got a message from my ex, from since I can't remember when.
pretty much some convoluted form of a way she's telling me shes done with me.
love faded.. blah,blah,blah.. etc. and
... she thinks she can do better.

I'm not sure what to feel.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Fuck. I don't even know why I'm posting this, or what I'm trying to say. I'm somewhat drunk and my emotions are getting the best of me, but I guess this is better than texting her.

Realistically, I've been doing pretty good this week. I've had a lot of things to keep me busy and keep my mind off things. Unfortunately, I'm starting to feel like those things are only serving as distractions and while yes, at the time I feel better, I ultimately get into situations like I'm in right now and just remember how much I care about the relationship I'm no longer in. It's like postponing my emotions, nothing more, only for them to spiral out of control on nights like tonight (and other, sober nights), and turn me into a mess. It sucks.

Maybe I'm supposed to have these nights? Maybe it's normal? I don't know. But the fact of the matter is, I can't help but think that our relationship wasn't supposed to end like this (and it doesn't help that she told me as much, saying she "assumed we would end up dating for a long time"). I feel gypped and shortchanged, and that's only adding to the element of confusion that makes it increasingly harder to start getting over her.

Like I said, I'm drunk. I don't expect any replies, in fact, I'll probably edit this out tomorrow. I just figured this would be a good place to livejournal my thoughts rather than sending them to her. So yeah, thanks for reading.

I'm going to go play some games and fall the fuck to sleep. Night, GAF.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Good night, sweet prince.

Your emotions are normal, it'll get better over time.

 

[soultron]

This is normal.

Don't text her.

And yeah, it's hard for the first while. Within a month or two, you'll be at the point where you don't think about her every day -- not even every few days.

Stick it out and go out with friends. Get back in the gym. Reconnect with family. Pick up a new hobby!

You can do this, LBceo.

 

[Xun]

Nice man! Progress is progress. Try not to kick yourself over it, just use this experience to propel you into an even better situation next time around.

Hey man, that's a start! You've got a good friend there.

I definitely feel a bit more positive from it, so that's a plus!

Also I just got a message from a girl on OkCupid, and she coincidently lives in my local town (even though I don't have that listed on mine).

She's not completely my type, but I may just message her anyway. Should I? It could be good practice I suppose.

Edit: In response to luckyboyceo, hang in there man. You'll be fine, even if it doesn't feel at all like that now.

 

[Izick]

She is in college 3 hours away at the moment and besides one or two people no. I am just giving it more time though.

I don't know what to tell you then. Either just be up front about it and ask her, and possibly find out what's up, or just let it stay and fester there. Either way, she may just decide not to talk to you again, so you may as well play your cards, ask her, and try to find out why.

Either way, I think it'd be better to just forget her and move on. It's been 3 months already. That's now a ton of time, but I think the initial shock of break-up should be long gone for the average person by then.

Fuck. I don't even know why I'm posting this, or what I'm trying to say. I'm somewhat drunk and my emotions are getting the best of me, but I guess this is better than texting her.

Realistically, I've been doing pretty good this week. I've had a lot of things to keep me busy and keep my mind off things. Unfortunately, I'm starting to feel like those things are only serving as distractions and while yes, at the time I feel better, I ultimately get into situations like I'm in right now and just remember how much I care about the relationship I'm no longer in. It's like postponing my emotions, nothing more, only for them to spiral out of control on nights like tonight (and other, sober nights), and turn me into a mess. It sucks.

Maybe I'm supposed to have these nights? Maybe it's normal? I don't know. But the fact of the matter is, I can't help but think that our relationship wasn't supposed to end like this (and it doesn't help that she told me as much, saying she "assumed we would end up dating for a long time"). I feel gypped and shortchanged, and that's only adding to the element of confusion that makes it increasingly harder to start getting over her.

Like I said, I'm drunk. I don't expect any replies, in fact, I'll probably edit this out tomorrow. I just figured this would be a good place to livejournal my thoughts rather than sending them to her. So yeah, thanks for reading.

I'm going to go play some games and fall the fuck to sleep. Night, GAF.

It's gonna be alright, buddy...it's gonna be alright.

 

[hawkshockey11]

I don't know what to tell you then. Either just be up front about it and ask her, and possibly find out what's up, or just let it stay and fester there. Either way, she may just decide not to talk to you again, so you may as well play your cards, ask her, and try to find out why.

Either way, I think it'd be better to just forget her and move on. It's been 3 months already. That's now a ton of time, but I think the initial shock of break-up should be long gone for the average person by then.

I am now just taking the "whatever happens, happens" approach. If we do start talking and become friends then great. If not then also great.

Fuck. I don't even know why I'm posting this, or what I'm trying to say. I'm somewhat drunk and my emotions are getting the best of me, but I guess this is better than texting her.

Realistically, I've been doing pretty good this week. I've had a lot of things to keep me busy and keep my mind off things. Unfortunately, I'm starting to feel like those things are only serving as distractions and while yes, at the time I feel better, I ultimately get into situations like I'm in right now and just remember how much I care about the relationship I'm no longer in. It's like postponing my emotions, nothing more, only for them to spiral out of control on nights like tonight (and other, sober nights), and turn me into a mess. It sucks.

Maybe I'm supposed to have these nights? Maybe it's normal? I don't know. But the fact of the matter is, I can't help but think that our relationship wasn't supposed to end like this (and it doesn't help that she told me as much, saying she "assumed we would end up dating for a long time"). I feel gypped and shortchanged, and that's only adding to the element of confusion that makes it increasingly harder to start getting over her.

Like I said, I'm drunk. I don't expect any replies, in fact, I'll probably edit this out tomorrow. I just figured this would be a good place to livejournal my thoughts rather than sending them to her. So yeah, thanks for reading.

I'm going to go play some games and fall the fuck to sleep. Night, GAF.

Just hang in there man. Keep looking forward. You will feel like you will never leave this state of mind ever right now, but regardless of what you do, time will make things better. Everything you are feeling is 110% normal.

This may be the worst month or two so far in your life. I would never want to relive February and never wish my mental state that month on another human being ever.

 

[hipgnosis]

Fuck. I don't even know why I'm posting this, or what I'm trying to say. I'm somewhat drunk and my emotions are getting the best of me, but I guess this is better than texting her.

Realistically, I've been doing pretty good this week. I've had a lot of things to keep me busy and keep my mind off things. Unfortunately, I'm starting to feel like those things are only serving as distractions and while yes, at the time I feel better, I ultimately get into situations like I'm in right now and just remember how much I care about the relationship I'm no longer in. It's like postponing my emotions, nothing more, only for them to spiral out of control on nights like tonight (and other, sober nights), and turn me into a mess. It sucks.

Maybe I'm supposed to have these nights? Maybe it's normal?

This is completely normal. Shit is tough. I had these feelings months after I broke up, even though I was dating other girls. Now it's been about 6 months and I'm no longer interested in my previous relationship and glad that it is behind me. I still get these occational feelings when I hang out with her, but they always fade.

You'll be having these nights a lot more in the future and it could last long, but just hang in there, things will get a lot better. You'll come stronger out of it. And you will find someone better.

 

[Branson]

Ugh. What a rough night. Some of you might remember me posting about my ex fiancée leaving me after 5 years and that was about a month ago. Well last night on Facebook she posted "Next 3 days I have off of work! Going to have fun and see a certain someone ". My night felt like the first day of the break up. I was so torn up and broken again and I knew I shouldn't have agreed to still be friends on Facebook with her.
Well. I unfriended her finally. This was a big step for me. I can no longer check her page or see her in my feed. I really need to heal from this and I'm tired of having this ruin my days.

She was just so happy on there with her posts it was making me upset. So I'm glad I had the balls to do this first. No idea why she would post this stuff knowing I would -and my friends and family- see it. The fucked up thing is that she would still comment on my closest friends statuses and pictures and like them etc, like she was still part of the group that she met because of me.

So I had enough. I had to un-friend her, I know it's not much it sounds like but this is a huge step for me. Sorry for rambling on but I needed to post since I barely slept last night.

Sigh. Onto the long road of recovery.

 

[brian]

Ugh. What a rough night. Some of you might remember me posting about my ex fiancée leaving me after 5 years and that was about a month ago. Well last night on Facebook she posted "Next 3 days I have off of work! Going to have fun and see a certain someone ". My night felt like the first day of the break up. I was so torn up and broken again and I knew I shouldn't have agreed to still be friends on Facebook with her.
Well. I unfriended her finally. This was a big step for me. I can no longer check her page or see her in my feed. I really need to heal from this and I'm tired of having this ruin my days.

She was just so happy on there with her posts it was making me upset. So I'm glad I had the balls to do this first. No idea why she would post this stuff knowing I would -and my friends and family- see it. The fucked up thing is that she would still comment on my closest friends statuses and pictures and like them etc, like she was still part of the group that she met because of me.

So I had enough. I had to un-friend her, I know it's not much it sounds like but this is a huge step for me. Sorry for rambling on but I needed to post since I barely slept last night.

Sign. Onto the long road of recovery.

Good for you. This is an important step in letting go.

 

[Sanky Panky]

So I had enough. I had to un-friend her, I know it's not much it sounds like but this is a huge step for me. Sorry for rambling on but I needed to post since I barely slept last night.

Sign. Onto the long road of recovery.

Congrats. In modern times, this is usually the first step after a break-up. Waaaay down the road you might be able to catch up again and add her back, cuz you won't give a shit either way.

Now avoid the temptation to creep on her through friends, etc.

 

[brian]

Aaargh, OK Cupid is frustrating the hell out of me. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I've been actually putting in a lot of effort to messaging girls and I'm not seeing great results. Maybe my messages just suck, maybe I'm messaging girls out of my league, maybe there's some flaw with my profile that is turning people off, or maybe its just the nature of sites like OK Cupid that you have to put in a lot of work for any kind of payoff. The thing is there's no way to know what the issue is and if there's anything that can be done to correct it.

I've sent messages to about 18 girls so far, I've gotten responses from 5, and of those, only 2 messaged back after I replied to their response. Are those normalish odds, or do I need to rethink my approach?

 

[Branson]

Good for you. This is an important step in letting go.

Yeah. I think it's going to help not seeing a post from her about how good her day is and how happy she is so soon after a 5 year break up. It was really confusing to my friends and family about her posts being so positive after this.

Things like "I'm such a lucky girl!" and "my day was pretty much perfect!" like a week afterwards. Really weird.

She was also liking and commenting on my friends posts that she knew was my closest and only friends I hang out with. It was a confusing time to say the least. Even things like interacting with my close cousin was weird.

Oh well. She's controlled my feelings long enough. I'm tired of thinking about it constantly.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Interesting.

Went out with an old friend of mine tonight, and he wanted to try build up my confidence.

He got up from the table we were sitting at and walked over to some girls we noticed. He told them I was shy and then called me over to sit with them.

Wasn't too badly actually, and I think I was somewhat calm considering I was sort of thrown into it all. One of the girls seemed to dig me (judging from how she was acting), but I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps she likes the shy type? She was absolutely gorgeous so I'm kicking myself a bit for not getting her number, but I feel like I'm progressing a bit anyway.

Onwards and upwards I suppose!

Ah, the classic "I hate to bother you, but my friend here thinks you're gorgeous but he's too shy to say so."

Aaargh, OK Cupid is frustrating the hell out of me. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I've been actually putting in a lot of effort to messaging girls and I'm not seeing great results. Maybe my messages just suck, maybe I'm messaging girls out of my league, maybe there's some flaw with my profile that is turning people off, or maybe its just the nature of sites like OK Cupid that you have to put in a lot of work for any kind of payoff. The thing is there's no way to know what the issue is and if there's anything that can be done to correct it.

I've sent messages to about 18 girls so far, I've gotten responses from 5, and of those, only 2 messaged back after I replied to their response. Are those normalish odds, or do I need to rethink my approach?

10% response rate? Sounds about right. OKC is a game of numbers.

 

[Zomba13]

Aaargh, OK Cupid is frustrating the hell out of me. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I've been actually putting in a lot of effort to messaging girls and I'm not seeing great results. Maybe my messages just suck, maybe I'm messaging girls out of my league, maybe there's some flaw with my profile that is turning people off, or maybe its just the nature of sites like OK Cupid that you have to put in a lot of work for any kind of payoff. The thing is there's no way to know what the issue is and if there's anything that can be done to correct it.

I've sent messages to about 18 girls so far, I've gotten responses from 5, and of those, only 2 messaged back after I replied to their response. Are those normalish odds, or do I need to rethink my approach?

Better than me. I've messaged around 17 had 2 reply back with only 1 replying back after another message but not past that. I messaged all of them with like a conversation starter like "you like x? so do I, what's your favourite y". Stuff like that. I have had one person actually make contact with me though and we've sent a bunch of messages back and forth for a few days and I added her on MSN/WLM and we chatted a bit. She's like 400 miles away though which sucks.

I think I messaged every person within a reasonable distance which sucks. I'm getting a few matches that I'd like to message and are like, a decent distance away from me straight miles but like, to actually get there you'd have to go way way out of the way. It sucks too because the ones I'm getting from that area are pretty and have good taste in things and similar interests.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Ugh. What a rough night. Some of you might remember me posting about my ex fiancée leaving me after 5 years and that was about a month ago. Well last night on Facebook she posted "Next 3 days I have off of work! Going to have fun and see a certain someone ". My night felt like the first day of the break up. I was so torn up and broken again and I knew I shouldn't have agreed to still be friends on Facebook with her.
Well. I unfriended her finally. This was a big step for me. I can no longer check her page or see her in my feed. I really need to heal from this and I'm tired of having this ruin my days.

She was just so happy on there with her posts it was making me upset. So I'm glad I had the balls to do this first. No idea why she would post this stuff knowing I would -and my friends and family- see it. The fucked up thing is that she would still comment on my closest friends statuses and pictures and like them etc, like she was still part of the group that she met because of me.

So I had enough. I had to un-friend her, I know it's not much it sounds like but this is a huge step for me. Sorry for rambling on but I needed to post since I barely slept last night.

Sigh. Onto the long road of recovery.

Be happy for her, and you won't be miserable anymore

 

[Branson]

Be happy for her, and you won't be miserable anymore

I guess. I'm not over her or anything close to that yet though. So it's hard to be happy about her moving on so fast since its still hurting me. Hence why I defriended her. I can't bare to see it and idk why I did for so long.

This experience has made me hate women to a point. If a person can do this to someone after 5 years of that other person being as great to them as possible and giving them everything then fuck man, People suck.


(plus she owes me $700 still, heh)

 

[johnny_park]

I guess. I'm not over her or anything close to that yet though. So it's hard to be happy about her moving on so fast since its still hurting me. Hence why I defriended her. I can't bare to see it and idk why I did for so long.

This experience has made me hate women to a point. If a person can do this to someone after 5 years of that other person being as great to them as possible and giving them everything then fuck man, People suck.


(plus she owes me $700 still, heh)

If I were you I would kept her as a friend on FB and post all the good stuff that's happening to you. Post pics of you hanging out with other girls. Just post things that show that you're having fun. It would probably eat at her knowing you're doing perfectly fine without her.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

If I were you I would kept her as a friend on FB and post all the good stuff that's happening to you. Post pics of you hanging out with other girls. Just post things that show that you're having fun. It would probably eat at her knowing you're doing perfectly fine without her.

This is obviously the most mature, well balanced approach..... :\

The other option is work through it, try and move on, and do what you can to enjoy yourself. Her life is her life. I'm ridiculously jealous of my ex, but you need to realize that it doesn't accomplish anything.

Good call on the unfriending thing though.... Just break it off entirely. I hate having to still talk to my ex about random things that still pop up occasionally from being together for so long. You don't realize how many random accounts and things you have on random websites and stuff. Fortunately for me she's moving to another country so now I can finally have my city to myself!

 

[Branson]

If I were you I would kept her as a friend on FB and post all the good stuff that's happening to you. Post pics of you hanging out with other girls. Just post things that show that you're having fun. It would probably eat at her knowing you're doing perfectly fine without her.

I had it in my mind that disappearing would make her happy since that's what she basically wanted me to do. You don't think she would get curious and wonder even more if I just don't exist anymore?

 

[johnny_park]

I had it in my mind that disappearing would make her happy since that's what she basically wanted me to do. You don't think she would get curious and wonder even more if I just don't exist anymore?

I think it can work both ways. Cutting all contact with her would make her wonder what's going on with you.
What I meant about keeping her as a friend on fb is to live your life. Try to have as much fun as possible. Update your fb with all the cool things you're doing. Show her you're ok with out her.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the support. It helped, a lot.

I think I just need to come to the realization that some days are going to be harder than others. Last night, unfortunately, was just one of those nights. I'm learning to live with it but it's tough. I still feel like I'm in a bad dream, just waiting to wake up, and it doesn't help that everywhere I turn I'm reminded of her in some way.

Anyway, I have some friends in town this weekend so it should be a pretty good one. Planning on staying busy and trying some new activities.

Thanks again for all the support guys, it's appreciated more than you know.

 

[Branson]

I think it can work both ways. Cutting all contact with her would make her wonder what's going on with you.
What I meant about keeping her as a friend on fb is to live your life. Try to have as much fun as possible. Update your fb with all the cool things you're doing. Show her you're ok with out her.

Yeah. I tried that for a while. I guess it sent me a bit over the edge when she said stuff about hanging with a "certain someone". It would look weird to friend her back I would think though haha.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Yeah. I tried that for a while. I guess it sent me a bit over the edge when she said stuff about hanging with a "certain someone". It would look weird to friend her back I would think though haha.

Yeah, you're committed to it now.

I don't think you made the wrong decision, you know yourself better than anyone and if you feel like you didn't have the self-control to refrain from looking at her page, then you made the right move.

 

[brian]

I think it can work both ways. Cutting all contact with her would make her wonder what's going on with you.
What I meant about keeping her as a friend on fb is to live your life. Try to have as much fun as possible. Update your fb with all the cool things you're doing. Show her you're ok with out her.

And what does it accomplish to show her that he's OK with out her? Nothing.

You'll be best off if you actually ARE doing well without her...without her. Don't stay friends with her on facebook just to try and spite her or whatever. It's really petty and passive aggressive to stay friends on FB and just post updates about how happy you both are just to try to make the other person feel bad. The best approach is to cut contact and move on.

 

[Branson]

Yeah, you're committed to it now.

I don't think you made the wrong decision, you know yourself better than anyone and if you feel like you didn't have the self-control to refrain from looking at her page, then you made the right move.

That and I had a good day that was ruined just by one post. To heal and everything from this I think not existing in this world of never knowing what I'll see next to bring me down or up will be for the better. It's not like we were talking to each other on there. Plus one of my close friends defriended her that night as well because that post pissed him off. A friend that she was still commenting on pictures and liking stuff with.

Need that space to heal I feel.

I still don't know why she didn't do it first. Women are weird.

 

[Skel1ingt0n]

I posted in here way back in December when I broke up with my GF of 4.5 years. We were together from me being 18 y/o to just shy of turning 23, and I spent my entire college career with her.

We ended on good terms - comfortable with our decision, and equally concerned about the other doing okay. Just, after ~4 years, people change, especially during those ages. We were mature enough to realize that, and that we just wanted different things, and so we broke it off. It was definitely a very hard thing to do. I'm assuming that's true for both of us; but I don't mind admitting that I was very sad - as I truly loved her a lot. But, deep down, I knew it wasn't working, and so breaking up was for the best.

Anyway, after a couple months, we shot each other the occasional text message. I still wished her a happy birthday, she did the same for me. We stayed friends on FB - though, admittedly, I rarely get on and never did. We eventually started calling each other, and when one of us is in town in the other's city, we'll grab lunch or some ice cream.

But, somehow, we've still respected our breakup, and we haven't gotten back together - and with her moving very far away next month, we know it'd be silly to try. But, even still, and while I'm not counting on it, I think we both would be open to dating again if we ever found ourselves single and living close ever again. And, so, maybe in the future things will work out. Most likely not, and so we don't hold out for that, but we still keep in touch.



*****

Anyway, I don't post here often; but I lurk. And I see there's a lot of "how to deal with her after the breakup" posts; and I just wanted to chime in and say this: Don't do the passive agressive bullshit. It's not worth it. If you can end on a good note - no cheating, no screaming; but rather just "this isn't working" - it's *SO* much better to try to take that like a big person and move on. Go enjoy your life, don't be a jerk, and don't cut off ties to be an asshole. If you're capable of handling it all post-breakup, I'd highly recommend just trying to be genuinely nice about it all. It's such a better feeling in the end.

 

[Branson]

I posted in here way back in December... eeling in the end.

Me and my fiancée ended on good terms. Other than the crying and stuff I understood her situation and didn't try to fight it. Unfriending her on fb for me was to heal. We didn't talk. I tried texting her once and she responded. I did a follow up text and she didn't respond. I was nice about it all. Never pushed her or called her or bugged her post break up. Just two simple texts. She didn't respond to the second so I stopped trying.

I feel slight regret in unfriending her because of her post but I wasn't healing properly. Our situation was a lot like yours where we were together from the end of high school to us being both 24 and it ending not on bad terms just on her ending it. So I can relate to this.

 

[Darklord]

Holy fucking shit. My mind has been blown. I haven't used okcupid in a while. I got an email with some new matches. Eh, why not check it out? I click on one...it's the girl I had a MAD crush on in primary school but was always too shy to say anything. Do I even dare? ...Well, of course I should but what the hell do I even say? "Hey, I'm the nerdy socially weird fat kid you went to school with 15 years ago. Remember me?! Probably not.". I was such a loser back then, I left that life behind for a reason. It would feel weird making contact with anyone from that time...but what are the odds of this?


Edit: Oops, this was meant to be for the other dating thread. Ah what the hell, it can stay here.

 

[blackwatchplad]

So I had enough. I had to un-friend her, I know it's not much it sounds like but this is a huge step for me. Sorry for rambling on but I needed to post since I barely slept last night.

Sigh. Onto the long road of recovery.

First step is always the hardest.
It took me a few hours last night to throw away pictures and stuff I had of an ex.


That being said, I've slept on my problem since last night.
And you know what, if they want to be like that, and come off as immature...
fine.
They'll just have to miss out on all my greatness.
(I'm not really THAT self-conceited for the record.)

 

[butimnotarapper]

Holy fucking shit. My mind has been blown. I haven't used okcupid in a while. I got an email with some new matches. Eh, why not check it out? I click on one...it's the girl I had a MAD crush on in primary school but was always too shy to say anything. Do I even dare? ...Well, of course I should but what the hell do I even say? "Hey, I'm the nerdy socially weird fat kid you went to school with 15 years ago. Remember me?! Probably not.". I was such a loser back then, I left that life behind for a reason. It would feel weird making contact with anyone from that time...but what are the odds of this?


Edit: Oops, this was meant to be for the other dating thread. Ah what the hell, it can stay here.

Don't reference yourself as a loser haha. Just be casual about it...I'm pretty sure you'll get a response since your message will stick out as being from someone she's met before

 

[Darklord]

Don't reference yourself as a loser haha. Just be casual about it...I'm pretty sure you'll get a response since your message will stick out as being from someone she's met before

Yeah, I wouldn't say loser in the message. Though I'd probably joke about it, making it clear I'm NOT that socially awkward shy guy she might remember, if she remembers at all. It might be a good way to get a date, like catch up and find what what's been going on. We weren't friends or anything but it might peak her curiosity.

 

[butimnotarapper]

Yeah, I wouldn't say loser in the message. Though I'd probably joke about it, making it clear I'm NOT that socially awkward shy guy she might remember, if she remembers at all. It might be a good way to get a date, like catch up and find what what's been going on. We weren't friends or anything but it might peak her curiosity.

I think showing her that you're a cool guy by just acting like you would with anyone else is enough. If she says something about how you used to be really shy then you can kinda laugh it off like "yeahhh those were the days haha"

I mean you can do it your way too. You just don't wanna sound like you're proving yourself to her

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Has anyone posted this yet about "Nice Guys"?

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

Ouch. As someone who is a "nice guy", this seems all but accurate. Cold hard truth.

 

[Sub_Level]

Has anyone posted this yet about "Nice Guys"?

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

Ouch. As someone who is a "nice guy", this seems all but accurate. Cold hard truth.

I generally agree with what's written there, but you can totally be a nice guy (in a literal sense) without being insecure. It's really as simple as being comfortable in your own skin and not treating a woman better than yourself. The rule of thumb I go by is just "be respectful". Being respectful is the line between treating a woman like trash and worshiping her, and it's not even a particularly thin line either, you just have to learn (through experience and listening to the experiences of others) when you're stepping outside of it. Keeping a positive attitude also helps.

 

[Minamu]

Great evening. Amazing pre-party too. The student pub had a kinky theme going on as a masquerade tonight so you can imagine the outfits. Got the honor and pleasure of snapping some photos of my friends' cleavages since it's naughty night xD

Feeling, knowing AND seeing how you are part of the alpha male group on the dance floor is empowering to say the least. For the last half hour, we guys were dancing topless, owning the place, and by the last song I ended up in a one-on-one with a cute nurse-to-be. However, she ditched me hard after she found out I'm studying game design haha. Didn't believe it when veterans told us not to mention our education if we want to get laid but it's true apparently. Oh well, no big deal It's so nice to see improvement in myself on such a regular basis! I could actually tell several times during the night that this girl was interested and I didn't chicken out as we were the only people alone on the dance floor by the end as I usually do (almost sober as well). So not only have my perceptions been sharpened, I also dared to act on it and being care free worked all the way up until the finish line. And that doesn't bother me either which is fantastic news to me ^^

Tomorrow it's time for downtown.

 

[Izick]

You hear that, nice-guys? You're not actually nice. You're just nice so you can cling on to a woman and relationship, and suck them dry until nothing is left but boredom. You're clingy, and the only reason you're nice is to please others, you subservient little worm.

So REMEMBER all you have to do is ACT LIKE YOURSELF! So if you're naturally a nice person then...wait...you have the...but then....the peanut butter...how come...TRICK QUESTION! Nobody is really naturally nice! Just act cool, somewhat distant, and sometimes be sort of nice, but layer on some distant-ness on top of it for that "he's not too nice" effect.

Seriously though, if you're taking advice from a site called "heartless-bitches.com" then I think there's a problem. Of course there are people who are going to be too clingy, but labeling all nice guys that way seems like a stupid way to box a segment of people in that the writer has had trouble with in the past through this piece of writing.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves

 

[MutantCyborg]

Thought I'd update you guys on my progress in my situation. Heres a brief quote from my post that was almost ignored to catch you up.

About three months ago my ex broke up with me. Now, she wasn't exactly clear on her reasoning but I think I know what went wrong. I was pretty nervous around girls I liked at that time and even with her. I often would not suggest many dates because I was literally afraid of rejection. Another reason, I was lacking confidence in myself. Often not speaking my mind or just not having much to talk about. I really liked this girl and as a result I was miserable when we broke up.

After about a month I felt much better about the break up, so I started showing interest in different girls. I went on to lightly date a few girls (nothing serious) and it was great I felt like I redeemed myself for acting the way I did with my ex. Something during this period completely changed my attitude toward dating, relationships and most importantly myself. I am now way more confident than I was with her, can talk to anyone including girls I find attractive with absolutely no problem what-so-ever.

About mid-March I began to think of my ex again. I tried everything you guys suggested to get over her again, but nothing worked. I even started going the gym more often to clear my mind and if anything it has made it worse. Every interaction I have reminds me more and more of her.

Today my ex and I had our first real interaction since our breakup. Me and a few friends were going to a "study room" to play Cards Against Humanity and guess who tags along? Yeep..(She came with their lady-friends). She decided not to play but sat on the table adjacent to us...across from me. I guess this was a byproduct of her being there, but I was completely calm, cool and confident. I was the person I wanted to be around her the whole time. I think she noticed as I caught her staring at me for most of the game and overly laughing at jokes I made. I tried not being too obvious in my intentions. Afterwards she actually talked to me, although not one-on-one but it's a start. I didn't ask her out today, she was hanging out with the girls she came with that night. I am definitely going to ask her out the next time I see her, which will most likely be on Monday. I'm most likely going to push for some ice cream or similar to just talk and I'll see where I think I can go from there.

Quick question - Is asking a girl out, especially your ex, when they are in a group of friends out of the question? I've done it before but the girl I asked out was extremely outgoing and obviously wouldn't be phased by that sort of thing. My ex is pretty shy, so I was thinking it might be different. IF that is the only option I'm going for it regardless, just need another opinion.

 

[Attackthebase]

I was supposed to have a date tomorrow, but I decided to cancel it. Starting to feel a tad less interested in the pursuit of dating. The lust to chill with friends, and work on my homework/research feels more prevalent. I am probably going to continue to focus on myself, my schooling (gotta keep on padding that resume to have any chance in getting into clinical psychology), and continue to establish connections.

The feeling of entering 'not giving a shit' mode is actually pretty damn chill.