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[Darkmakaimura]

You hear that, nice-guys? You're not actually nice. You're just nice so you can cling on to a woman and relationship, and suck them dry until nothing is left but boredom. You're clingy, and the only reason you're nice is to please others, you subservient little worm.

So REMEMBER all you have to do is ACT LIKE YOURSELF! So if you're naturally a nice person then...wait...you have the...but then....the peanut butter...how come...TRICK QUESTION! Nobody is really naturally nice! Just act cool, somewhat distant, and sometimes be sort of nice, but layer on some distant-ness on top of it for that "he's not too nice" effect.

Seriously though, if you're taking advice from a site called "heartless-bitches.com" then I think there's a problem. Of course there are people who are going to be too clingy, but labeling all nice guys that way seems like a stupid way to box a segment of people in that the writer has had trouble with in the past through this piece of writing.

I see what she's saying, although. The truth is a lot (but not all) "nice guys" are clingy and insecure. That would certainly describe me, who I (and others) have considered a "nice guy". But of course, I am being myself. I am who I am and that includes the insecurity. I suppose if I want another chance, I'm going to have to change that. I do have to stop being a "nice guy". After all, I have learned time and time again that just results in me being stepped on whether it's in regards to a relationship, of which I only had one, or simple friendship.

 

[brian]

Regarding sending messages on online dating, do you think it is better to include a nice compliment on their appearance or no? I had originally thought it was a nice thing to do and I got a few girls who seemed appreciative of it early on. But on second thought, I'm starting to think maybe its not the way to go. I'm sure these girls get tons of messages from guys complimenting them and maybe they don't find it genuine after hearing it so much. Fuck, meeting girls in real life is starting to sound pretty good after trying this shit for a few weeks. At least I can get a shot at face to face interaction off the bat and get some instant feedback one way or the other.

edit: Please correct me if I'm posting this shit in the wrong place. I thought someone mentioned a separate thread for online dating, so maybe this isn't the best place to keep posting this stuff.

 

[Banglish]

Is it wrong to lose it to a girl on pof?
I have no care for the sanctity of my virginity and I wanna do it already.

 

[FO-totality]

Is it wrong to lose it to a girl on pof?
I have no care for the sanctity of my virginity and I wanna do it already.

Pof? Sorry if I'm uneducated in the acronyms.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Is it wrong to lose it to a girl on pof?
I have no care for the sanctity of my virginity and I wanna do it already.

Why not just hire a top-tier escort if you just wanna do it already? Or get wasted at a house party or something.

 

[Banglish]

Pof? Sorry if I'm uneducated in the acronyms.

Plenty of Fish

Why not just hire a top-tier escort if you just wanna do it already? Or get wasted at a house party or something.

Not in the best financial position, how much is it averagely?
My friend's gf is having a house party tomorrow but I don't know if it's a get together or a house party yet. She said party, but that could mean anything. Never bought domes before so have to overcome that awkwardness, how to deal with that lol. It's no big deal really right?

Fuuuhhh, okay. I'll keep batin' till the right girl comes along..

 

[TheSchwab_7]

I see what she's saying, although. The truth is a lot (but not all) "nice guys" are clingy and insecure. That would certainly describe me, who I (and others) have considered a "nice guy". But of course, I am being myself. I am who I am and that includes the insecurity. I suppose if I want another chance, I'm going to have to change that. I do have to stop being a "nice guy". After all, I have learned time and time again that just results in me being stepped on whether it's in regards to a relationship, of which I only had one, or simple friendship.

I'm a nice guy and sometimes it can really suck. Typically I get played by chicks, and use me as their backups when things with another guy goes wrong. It took me a while to man up, but you should never be someone's number two. I try and stay true to myself and just be me, hoping that a girl will appreciate who I am, but it's definitely tough. So many of my guy friends pretend to be someone they're not when they're trying to get girls, but I just can't do that. Maybe I'm just old fashioned since I think you can be a nice guy, but you also have to be assertive, aggressive, etc. in specific situations.

 

[Hylian7]

I've been thinking about something, and I want to run my thought process and decision by you guys before I potentially do something stupid again because I didn't think it through enough.

I've been seeing a girl lately (3 dates), she acted weird on the third date, and has been blowing me off for subsequent dates since then. Now granted she has had believable excuses for most of the times I asked, and she is in the Honors College. I also know she does do a lot of stuff, so that is entirely believable. I'd say there's about a 50% chance she was telling the truth.

Rewind to a few weeks back, about a week before I met this girl, I almost got to meet this one girl from OKC, but then she said "something unexpectedly happened" and she was casually dating someone else, didn't feel comfortable seeing more than one person at once.

Fast forward back to a week ago, she is "single" again on OKC, messages me and asks if I have any IM clients. I tell her I'm seeing someone, change my OKC status to reflect that.

I realized that was a stupid thing to do (changing my status). However, I thought more about this. The girl I've been seeing, I do like, don't get me wrong, but I think I would like this other girl much better. However what was holding me back from it was the fact that I haven't actually met her in person, despite everything pointing to me liking her better than the girl I'm currently seeing. I realized I'm slumping back into old habits, like what I did for the last year of my relationship with my ex-girlfriend: "Well she actually likes me, so I should just settle despite these red flags." I need to stop that, and realize I am allowed to have some standards for myself, especially if I want things to work out in the long run.

So, here's my plan. Please tell me if you think this is a stupid idea or not.

1. Change the OKC status back to "single".
2. Contact the other girl again, meet her, etc.

There is one issue with this though. If the girl I'm currently seeing notices the change back and asks about it, what do I tell her? Do I just tell her I don't see us as more than friends, or something else entirely? I don't think ignoring her is the best option, as she is friends with one of my friends, and I probably would see her again in some fashion.

 

[Attackthebase]

...

I must ask, were you in an exclusive relationship with the girl you went on three date with? The way you wrote your post, it doesn't seem that way. Anyway, if you and her have not proclaimed an exclusive relationship, you jumped the gun a little bit. There is nothing wrong with changing your status to single if you are only 'dating' this girl. To answer #2, nothing wrong with that if you aren't in an mutual exclusive relationship.

 

[Hylian7]

I must ask, were you in an exclusive relationship with the girl you went on three date with? The way you wrote your post, it doesn't seem that way. Anyway, if you and her have not proclaimed an exclusive relationship, you jumped the gun a little bit. There is nothing wrong with changing your status to single if you are only 'dating' this girl. To answer #2, nothing wrong with that if you aren't in an mutual exclusive relationship.

No, I wasn't, I'm quite aware that I made a mistake changing the status in the first place. I did it just because other people were messaging me on there still. I should have just ignored them instead.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

I'm a nice guy and sometimes it can really suck. Typically I get played by chicks, and use me as their backups when things with another guy goes wrong. It took me a while to man up, but you should never be someone's number two. I try and stay true to myself and just be me, hoping that a girl will appreciate who I am, but it's definitely tough. So many of my guy friends pretend to be someone they're not when they're trying to get girls, but I just can't do that. Maybe I'm just old fashioned since I think you can be a nice guy, but you also have to be assertive, aggressive, etc. in specific situations.

On the very rare occasion a girl does "like" me (I can't stress the word 'rare' enough in this case), I get played. It's very depressing right now to also see all my friends with someone - friends who are unemployed, alcoholic and not "nice guys" with nothing going in their life with decent to attractive looking women. And I don't want to be the kettle calling the pot black, being unemployed and having nothing going for myself as well, but it certainly doesn't help especially since it means it now puts me as a third wheel, I suppose. I even have to come to terms with the fact the one and only relationship I had was someone who pretty much played me as well, even though I admit to a good portion of the break up being my own fault.

 

[luckyboyceo]

While that article raises some good points, it should be noted than you can absolutely be a nice guy and still be confident.

Being a "nice guy" doesn't have to mean that you're this clingy, insecure individual who jumps at the first chance of meeting someone. Hell, I'd consider myself a "nice guy" but I'm far from insecure. I think the article is right in the sense that in most cases, the "nice guy" label is associated with behavior that tends to come off as desperate or clingy, but really it doesn't have to be.

If there's one thing to take away from that article, it's the emphasis that confidence really is king, something we talk about religiously in this thread. If that article hit close to home, I'd argue that you shouldn't try and change yourself into something you're not, women will see right through you and you'll probably make things even worse. Instead, learn to be more comfortable with who you are and build around your best traits. Realize that if things don't work out with her, there are plenty of other women out there that would be lucky to have you. She doesn't have to be the only woman who will ever be in your life and you don't have to treat her like she is.

Ultimately, I think it just boils down to what we're constantly saying in this thread, work on yourself first and the women will follow. Try not to get so caught up in labels and just focus on making yourself the best person you can be. If you can do that she'll notice, and like it.

 

[Darklord]

While that article raises some good points, it should be noted than you can absolutely be a nice guy and still be confident.

I think "nice guy" is incorrect. It isn't the being nice part, it's the lack of confidence and assertiveness part.

 

[Count Dookkake]

"Nice guy" in this context is a self-applied descriptor that is usually false because it minimizes the appearance of lust and desire in one's self, while cursing other males that do exrpess such traits.

It is important to note the scare quotes. They indicate that the subject is not guys who are genuinely nice.

 

[Atrus]

I'm a nice guy and sometimes it can really suck. Typically I get played by chicks, and use me as their backups when things with another guy goes wrong. It took me a while to man up, but you should never be someone's number two. I try and stay true to myself and just be me, hoping that a girl will appreciate who I am, but it's definitely tough. So many of my guy friends pretend to be someone they're not when they're trying to get girls, but I just can't do that. Maybe I'm just old fashioned since I think you can be a nice guy, but you also have to be assertive, aggressive, etc. in specific situations.

Don't take it too badly. A good strategy is to think up of alternate goals of what you would do if you were to spend the rest of your life single. It may not be your ideal but it would at least open you up more to focusing on building your own life instead of trying to appease others, and along that course, you'll probably meet someone more suited to liking you for who you are. Just don't put the people you like (as oppose to love) before yourself, drop all excess baggage as soon as they become so, and don't settle for less even if you get the temptation to.

It's up to you to vet potential women as they fit into your life rather than the other way around and do have deal-breaker traits that you will have to use to politely decline dating certain types of people.

I find that other people in general can be more than a little screwed up in terms of behavior or expectations, so unfortunately, aiming randomly presents us an odd array of personalities we haven't met otherwise from our schooling days or workplace. So it's more than warranted that there will be issues in finding someone compatible.

As someone who has been on lots of dates along with a few relationships of various sorts along the way, and is still single, there is no simple way of finding someone compatible.

There are plenty of mixed signals for a man to wade through and most of the time you aren't really given the time to wade through them. It's either a hit or miss affair. Just don't take it personally and keep sizing up possibilities without investing your heart and soul into every action.

It's your existence, don't go through it living as someone else.

 

[FO-totality]

Got a dinner date lined up for tomorrow as a second date. Should be a good time.

 

[Hylian7]

I changed the status, sent the girl a message on OKC, but she's not getting on OKC, but I see her on AIM.....should I try her there or just wait for her to eventually log in to OKC?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I am so disappointed. I was at a parade today, and there were like dozens of attractive girls, and my mouth went into complete lockdown and refused to open. Normally if I have my buddies with me, I can talk, but they weren't there and I felt incredibly... alone in a sea of people, as ridiculous as that sounds.

Damn it.

 

[Darklord]

I am so disappointed. I was at a parade today, and there were like dozens of attractive girls, and my mouth went into complete lockdown and refused to open. Normally if I have my buddies with me, I can talk, but they weren't there and I felt incredibly... alone in a sea of people, as ridiculous as that sounds.

Damn it.

It happens, dude. A scene like that can be intimidating. Just try and remember your disappointment and use that to force yourself next time.

 

[Atramental]

I am so disappointed. I was at a parade today, and there were like dozens of attractive girls, and my mouth went into complete lockdown and refused to open. Normally if I have my buddies with me, I can talk, but they weren't there and I felt incredibly... alone in a sea of people, as ridiculous as that sounds.

Damn it.

They're just as human as you are.

Also, those girls are probably thinking, "Darn. Why didn't any guys approach us at that parade today?"

 

[TheSchwab_7]

I am so disappointed. I was at a parade today, and there were like dozens of attractive girls, and my mouth went into complete lockdown and refused to open. Normally if I have my buddies with me, I can talk, but they weren't there and I felt incredibly... alone in a sea of people, as ridiculous as that sounds.

Damn it.

Just think about these girls taking a shit and you'll realize that everyone is the same.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Eh, they may be human but they could be more attractive, smarter and more financially well off. Not to offend you NotTheGuyYouKill, but not everyone is literally the "same". We are of the same species, but we have differences than can make one better than another.

Also, those girls are probably thinking, "Darn. Why didn't any guys approach us at that parade today?"

Most of them probably already have boyfriends.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Most of them probably already have boyfriends.

and I'll raise you with most have already or will cheat on them/break up with them for somebody else

 

[Darkmakaimura]

and I'll raise you with most have already or will cheat on them/break up with them for somebody else

You won't get an argument with me there.

 

[snoopen]

Just think about these girls taking a shit and you'll realize that everyone is the same.

Then what do I do about my boner?

 

[Xun]

Well alcohol seems to have had a huge negative impact on me tonight.

I just feel completely hopeless with everything because of it. :/

Nothing seems to be going well with my life right now.

Nothing.

 

[Atramental]

Then what do I do about my boner?

Brush it up against them.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Then what do I do about my boner?

FHUTA?

 

[Izick]

Brush it up against them.

It's just so crazy that it might just-*police sirens*

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Just think about these girls taking a shit and you'll realize that everyone is the same.

I am not gonna do that. I'll end up bursting out into laughter in the midst of a crowd and everyone will think I am crazy.

Eh, they may be human but they could be more attractive, smarter and more financially well off. Not to offend you NotTheGuyYouKill, but not everyone is literally the "same". We are of the same species, but we have differences than can make one better than another.


Most of them probably already have boyfriends.

I'm not offended.

 

[shanshan310]

and I'll raise you with most have already or will cheat on them/break up with them for somebody else

What the crap....

 

[Kalnos]

What the crap....

Sadly it's how lots of dudes think.

 

[shanshan310]

Sadly it's how lots of dudes think.

Frankly I find that very insulting. People really think all women are that shallow and conceited? There are some shitty people in the world. This has nothing to do with gender, and I would hope it doesn't reflect the majority of the population. I dont mean to be rude, but if you (not you kalnos) think all girls are only in relationships until they can upgrade i dont think you should be dating.

 

[Atramental]

Most of them probably already have boyfriends.

Won't know until you go up and ask one of them out.

 

[Izick]

I think the only reason that you hear that here is due to Gaf's population being mostly male. On Facebook, for example, I see a girl on there say that every man is a lying, cheating, sack of shit, scum, etc. why can't they find an honest one, etc. You'll always hear this shit, and the gender of the speaker depends (usually) on where they're talking is.

That being said, I always think you myself (I gave up actually replying to those people on Facebook or wherever long ago) that maybe the person complaining should have looked at the pattern of people they're in relationships with.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Won't know until you go up and ask one of them out.

True. But in my experience, most women are with someone already whereas most guys I know are single. I'm not going to lie to myself in that I feel it's pretty much hopeless, at least for me.

 

[shanshan310]

Won't know until you go up and ask one of them out.

Once you convince yourself that most people are already taken so why bother you have no chance of ever finding a match. Who knows really? Nothing ventured nothing gained, as they say. Saying "well most girls I know are taken, therefore all girls must be taken " is a silly cop out so you can not try and not be at fault. In the end it's your loss for saying it. Even If you asked and they were taken you'd be losing a lot less, especially in the long run.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

Frankly I find that very insulting. People really think all women are that shallow and conceited? There are some shitty people in the world. This has nothing to do with gender, and I would hope it doesn't reflect the majority of the population. I dont mean to be rude, but if you (not you kalnos) think all girls are only in relationships until they can upgrade i dont think you should be dating.

Shanshan how is it rude to think that people can be convinced to cheat? Weren't you the one just a few months ago saying you felt tempted by a dude you knew? And somehow you think it's weird to assume that most people can be convinced to cheat? You're a faithful person and you STILL wanted to.

 

[shanshan310]

Shanshan how is it rude to think that people can be convinced to cheat? Weren't you the one just a few months ago saying you felt tempted by a dude you knew? And somehow you think it's weird to assume that most people can be convinced to cheat? You're a faithful person and you STILL wanted to.

I find it insulting that people think that women are only in relationships until they can upgrade.

That really has little to do with anything, but I believe and have always believed that cheating is a shitty thing to do. If you want to start something with someone else you need to end it first. I never wanted to "cheat" or "upgrade ", which was what this poster seemed to be implying.

 

[Atramental]

True. But in my experience, most women are with someone already whereas most guys I know are single. I'm not going to lie to myself in that I feel it's pretty much hopeless, at least for me.

Remember that the things we focus on in life become the most real to us. When you focus on how every girl out there is taken you will only notice girls who already have someone.

There are single girls out there but you have to change your focus in order to notice them.

 

[Kalnos]

I remember reading that exact post by shanshan actually and it sort of resonated because I had been in that situation before. Her post, as far as I remember, was more of a "I'm not sure if I'm with him because I want to be or because it's comfortable and i'm used to it" sort of thing.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Frankly I find that very insulting. People really think all women are that shallow and conceited? There are some shitty people in the world. This has nothing to do with gender, and I would hope it doesn't reflect the majority of the population. I dont mean to be rude, but if you (not you kalnos) think all girls are only in relationships until they can upgrade i dont think you should be dating.

In the interest of fairness, the behavior described isn't inherently shallow or conceited.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Remember that the things we focus on in life become the most real to us. When you focus on how every girl out there is taken you will only notice girls who already have someone.

There are single girls out there but you have to change your focus in order to notice them.

I know that not literally every girl is taken. That's one of the least of my problems, actually.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

I find it insulting that people think that women are only in relationships until they can upgrade.

That really has little to do with anything, but I believe and have always believed that cheating is a shitty thing to do. If you want to start something with someone else you need to end it first. I never wanted to "cheat" or "upgrade ", which was what this poster seemed to be implying.

Eh, now we're just talking semantics. Bottom line is people in relationships are tempted all the time. A large percentage of them act on those temptations. I don't really think it's insulting to any gender to be open about it.

Yes it's incredibly messed up when it happens, but it's not exactly uncommon.

 

[shanshan310]

There's a big difference between saying "all people are tempted at some point " and "all women cheat or upgrade ".

I remember reading that exact post by shanshan actually and it sort of resonated because I had been in that situation before. Her post, as far as I remember, was more of a "I'm not sure if I'm with him because I want to be or because it's comfortable and i'm used to it" sort of thing.

That was more what I was feeling, yeah. We've fixed things up now though, and doing great

 

[Devolution]

So I got this random moderation upgrade on OKC. The amount of fake pics utilized in women's profiles might explain some of the "she didn't even look like her profile" shenanigans.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

There's a big difference between saying "all people are tempted at some point " and "all women cheat or upgrade ".



That was more what I was feeling, yeah. We've fixed things up now though, and doing great

Glad to hear it.

Is it less offensive if I say a large percentage of people in general cheat or are just waiting to upgrade?

 

[shanshan310]

Glad to hear it.

Is it less offensive if I say a large percentage of people in general cheat or are just waiting to upgrade?

Yeah, but it's still a depressing way to look at the world.

 

[Izick]

I know that not literally every girl is taken. That's one of the least of my problems, actually.

What's the problem then? (if you don't mind me asking)

 

[Kalnos]

people in general would be less offensive than saying just women, yeah, but it's still a pointless generalization that speaks of your insecurity.

We also fixed our relationship shan, and are likely getting married this fall.