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[Charoncaori]

I lost my insurance because I am no longer a full-time student. I freaked out about it and stopped seeing my therapist, who was amazing. I stopped going to school entirely in the middle of the semester. I tried talking with my mother, she said she'd send me an insurance card because I'm still covered under hers, but she never did. Our relationship is terrible and I'm afraid of calling her. I don't know how to get or handle insurance, my dad doesn't have it.

If I don't get insurance and start seeing a therapist again in a week, I will be kicked out. I don't have the energy to do anything. I care, a lot, but I'm so tired. I don't have a job, a degree, ambitions, or a future.

Advice...? How do you guys convince yourselves to do anything at all? I can't stay functional for more than 5 months before I just shut down.

 

[Uchip]

went out on another date
this time with a cute blonde girl
I felt like i wasn't even there

the ultimate frustration basically
when your illness makes you incapable of reacting to a beautiful girl
is life even worth living?

 

[neojubei]

went out on another date
this time with a cute blonde girl
I felt like i wasn't even there

the ultimate frustration basically
when your illness makes you incapable of reacting to a beautiful girl
is life even worth living?

I wish i could even get a date.

 

[Uchip]

I wish i could even get a date.

if you're in this state, no you don't.

 

[Zekes!]

went out on another date
this time with a cute blonde girl
I felt like i wasn't even there

the ultimate frustration basically
when your illness makes you incapable of reacting to a beautiful girl
is life even worth living?

I'm feeling this way too, like my apathy is slowly climbing to an all-time high. My cousin wants to set me up with her cute, young employee as she thinks we'd be a good match, but I just can't muster up any kind of interest. I try to, but then I look at the state I'm in and then totally dismiss the idea of any kind of romance at this point in my life.

Ironically I have "romance" tattooed on my forearm.

 

[neojubei]

I'm way too fat to even have a guy look at me. Wish there was an instant weight loss drug or something.

 

[Srsly]

I'm way too fat to even have a guy look at me. Wish there was an instant weight loss drug or something.

You should try a ketogenic diet. It also helped my depression out tremendously

I should add that I didn't even lose weight before going on a ketogenic diet helped me. I noticed a dramatic improvement in mood and energy level as soon as I hit ketosis.

 

[Uchip]

I'm way too fat to even have a guy look at me. Wish there was an instant weight loss drug or something.

that attitude is probably more of a turn off than your appearance tbh

 

[neojubei]

You should try a ketogenic diet. It also helped my depression out tremendously

I've been going back to the gym this week since being fat in Japan was such an eye opening experience.

that attitude is probably more of a turn off than your appearance tbh

Yeah I know but it is hard to feel good about myself when i look this way and the clothes i want to wear i can't. It burns me up to see my friend's friends who are skinny twinks always hooking up, wearing cute clothes and don't have to work out or anything. Its not fair.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I kind of feel the same way, I'm depressed sometimes because I feel I'm not achieving anything in my life. When my friends try to motivate me in saying that "you'll make it" or "don't be hard in yourself" I just can't shake that feeling, you know? I also made mistakes which I'm afraid to tell anyone especially my family since they will be disappointed in me and I'm also ashamed of myself for making that mistakes. I can't even find a job, and I feel that my parents are disappointed in me because I say at home all day. I really hate staying home all the time. I'm not proud of myself to be honest.

 

[The Hermit]

I kind of feel the same way, I'm depressed sometimes because I feel I'm not achieving anything in my life. When my friends try to motivate me in saying that "you'll make it" or "don't be hard in yourself" I just can't shake that feeling, you know? I also made mistakes which I'm afraid to tell anyone especially my family since they will be disappointed in me and I'm also ashamed of myself for making that mistakes. I can't even find a job, and I feel that my parents are disappointed in me because I say at home all day. I really hate staying home all the time. I'm not proud of myself to be honest.

Think that this is just a period, that it won't last forever. Its hard but you will get better...


Anyway, I have a word for this thread: soon.

 

[ATF487]

went out on another date
this time with a cute blonde girl
I felt like i wasn't even there

the ultimate frustration basically
when your illness makes you incapable of reacting to a beautiful girl
is life even worth living?

Loneliness isn't being alone, it's when someone loves you and you don't have it in you to love them back

 

[Burai]

I'm way too fat to even have a guy look at me. Wish there was an instant weight loss drug or something.

Firstly, that's probably not true. It may be true that a lot of guys won't look at you, but that's the same for everyone, regardless of how "classically good" they look.

Secondly, here's a question. Were you wishing that same thing about the instant diet pill six months ago? A year ago?

You could achieve a reasonable weight loss goal in that sort of timescale.

My biggest problem when my depression was at it's worst was wishing for things, not doing the work to get there due to rumination and procrastination, and then realising that I could have done it if I'd just stuck to it and getting more depressed because I'd achieved nothing yet time had moved on yet again. Suddenly I'm not 22 and hopeless, I'm 23 and hopeless. That university course I should have stuck at... I'd never finish it til I was 28... What's the point? Now I'm 31 and full of regret rather than with a degree.

Don't be here in six months wishing for the impossible again. Be here in six months having achieved what you wanted. Forget guys for now, stick at the gym, use GAF's fitness and weight loss resources and do something good for yourself.

 

[Uchip]

Loneliness isn't being alone, it's when someone loves you and you don't have it in you to love them back

That would be true loneliness, yes
its fucking terrible

 

[ClassyPenguin]

That would be true loneliness, yes
its fucking terrible

Amen.

 

[hateradio]

That would be true loneliness, yes
its fucking terrible

No, that's just being honest. I don't see how that's loneliness. If someone loves you or cares for you but you don't feel the same way, that's just reality.


True loneliness is when you want to reach out for someone, but there is absolutely no one around. When you want to communicate and tell them what you've been telling yourself for the past hour. You can't. Not to a single person, even if someone is right next to you, the same room, the same house. You can't. You won't.

 

[Uchip]

No, that's just being honest. I don't see how that's loneliness.


True loneliness is when you want to reach out for someone, but there is absolutely no one around. When you want to communicate and tell someone what you've been telling yourself for the past hour. However you can't, not to a single person, even if someone next to you, the same room, the same house. You can't. You won't.

nah, being alone doesn't mean you lose the potential to interact with people
being with people and still being distant is more of a terrifying solitude

 

[hateradio]

I edited.

That's what I mean. There may be people around, but there's nothing there.

 

[Uchip]

what i meant is that you don't have the capability to care, even when they are perfect for you

 

[Trent Strong]

Loneliness isn't being alone, it's when someone loves you and you don't have it in you to love them back

Seems like the opposite is a million times worse.

 

[Jimothy]

Seems like the opposite is a million times worse.

Seriously.

 

[vincent vega]

I'm way too fat to even have a guy look at me. Wish there was an instant weight loss drug or something.

Have you tried running 30-45 minutes a day? I recently did track and field for my school this past year and I lost 20 pounds without even trying (i didn't have much weight to lose to begin with). It would help you feel better too. It would probably hurt at first depending on how much you workout, but after a couple weeks your endurance will build. I used to be fat in high school and lost like 50 pounds back when I became a swimmer

also, it's free

 

[CrocMother]

Seems like the opposite is a million times worse.

Once, there was a woman I loved who while during a bout of depression thought I had fallen out of love with her. This caused her emotional distress which in the end killed the relationship.
Haunts me to this day.

 

[Out of Working Order]

I've been going back to the gym this week since being fat in Japan was such an eye opening experience.

Nice one on going to the gym. I struggle to muster the confidence to get myself in there. I've never even set foot in a gym.

Getting myself in the gym would be the hardest part.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Think that this is just a period, that it won't last forever. Its hard but you will get better...


Anyway, I have a word for this thread: soon.

Yeah, I really want to get better. I want to be active in my life and I want to change myself to be a better person. It's just I can't find that motivation within me. I know it takes time, but my family pressures me a lot. I understand their worries of my future, but what can I do? And I really want to lose weight because I hate looking at my weight when looking to the mirror. I need to go to the gym one day.

 

[vincent vega]

Yeah, I really want to get better. I want to be active in my life and I want to change myself to be a better person. It's just I can't find that motivation within me. I know it takes time, but my family pressures me a lot. I understand their worries of my future, but what can I do? And I really want to lose weight because I hate looking at my weight when looking to the mirror. I need to go to the gym one day.

why not start doing workout stuff at home? it's a lot cheaper

 

[Cubsfan23]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2XkzZR4R0U&feature=related

 

[SlipperySlope]

Have you tried running 30-45 minutes a day? I recently did track and field for my school this past year and I lost 20 pounds without even trying (i didn't have much weight to lose to begin with). It would help you feel better too. It would probably hurt at first depending on how much you workout, but after a couple weeks your endurance will build. I used to be fat in high school and lost like 50 pounds back when I became a swimmer

also, it's free

This is true. I have never seen a heavy person that runs regularly. You burn so many calories that it's hard to eat enough to stay fat.

 

[Yasae]

Join a club, any club. Volunteer at an animal shelter, take up a martial art, find a D&D group, take up dancing lessons, find an intramural sports team, take an adult ed class. It sounds hokey, but the only way to make friends is to meet new people. If you take up an activity that you actually enjoy - if you like reading, find a book club - you're obviously more likely to find people who might share more of your interests.

I guess I don't think much about making friends. I've made almost all of my friends through school or work. It gets easier and easier the further you go - in college, I mainly made friends with people who shared my major or minors - we saw each other all the damn time anyway. In med school and graduate school, you're basically with people who share even more focused interests with you. I found a nice group of nerdy academic types like myself and we became very close. I have friends now I consider family.

Actually, family is my other big source of friends. I'm very close to my younger brother, several of my cousins, aunts and uncles, and then I'm friends with some of their friends...

I will say that true friendships take some effort. With friends who are scattered across the country, it's a matter of asking if they'll be back in our home town for holidays, or looking them up when we travel. I like writing actual physical letters, too, so I keep relationships going that way. It just seems to mean more than email or Facebook, although I use those as well.

I don't know - how do you learn to make friends? I guess if you don't have friends, you need to put yourself in situations where you're exposed to lots and lots of people. There are people out there who would make great friends, girl/boyfriends, spouses, whatever, for everyone. Well, almost everyone. Unless you're a complete asshole, your people are out there. You've just got to be out there in the world so you can find them. If you're not bumping into them at work or school, start doing sports, community ed, etc. You've got to meet people to make friends.

This comes with the caveat that you'll go through a lot of people to find anyone worth talking to long term. Most of the time I am outgoing and I will start conversations, but rarely do I get proper reciprocation. I also find that in groups I'm invited to, people will chat with others they already know 95% of the time and maybe give me a passing glance or conversation.

You have to put most of the work in yourself, so yes, you have to learn to butt in a little. Put your two cents in - not to the exclusion of everyone else, but as an equal to them (because you are).

 

[MisterLuffy]

why not start doing workout stuff at home? it's a lot cheaper

I did with my brothers. My older brother has videos on, and I think it was P90X. It was very helpful, we might continue to exercise on summer.

 

[neojubei]

I did with my brothers. My older brother has videos on, and I think it was P90X. It was very helpful, we might continue to exercise on summer.

My straight friend loaned me his set. i am not totally sure if it would even help me.

Sigh, even if i lose weight guys i like dont even want to date guys like me. Its like a loud ringing in my head. i cannot think of anything else right now. i think i am going to order some useless junk online. Having a really really down day today. i dont have the energy to work out or work on my resume. my gym partner is staying in so i dont even have a ride to the gym though i dont have the energy to go. if only a stray bullet shoot through my window and killed me right about now.

Firstly, that's probably not true. It may be true that a lot of guys won't look at you, but that's the same for everyone, regardless of how "classically good" they look.

Secondly, here's a question. Were you wishing that same thing about the instant diet pill six months ago? A year ago?

You could achieve a reasonable weight loss goal in that sort of timescale.

My biggest problem when my depression was at it's worst was wishing for things, not doing the work to get there due to rumination and procrastination, and then realising that I could have done it if I'd just stuck to it and getting more depressed because I'd achieved nothing yet time had moved on yet again. Suddenly I'm not 22 and hopeless, I'm 23 and hopeless. That university course I should have stuck at... I'd never finish it til I was 28... What's the point? Now I'm 31 and full of regret rather than with a degree.

Don't be here in six months wishing for the impossible again. Be here in six months having achieved what you wanted. Forget guys for now, stick at the gym, use GAF's fitness and weight loss resources and do something good for yourself.

I live in an ocean of regret. Since high school and college gay friends and gay people in general made me hate myself. Even liking the guys i like makes me hate myself even more because i know no one i like would go out with me. I've put myself out there so many times. A bullet in the head would be better than working out.

Have you tried running 30-45 minutes a day? I recently did track and field for my school this past year and I lost 20 pounds without even trying (i didn't have much weight to lose to begin with). It would help you feel better too. It would probably hurt at first depending on how much you workout, but after a couple weeks your endurance will build. I used to be fat in high school and lost like 50 pounds back when I became a swimmer

also, it's free

Running isn't exactly safe in my neighborhood.

Nice one on going to the gym. I struggle to muster the confidence to get myself in there. I've never even set foot in a gym.

Getting myself in the gym would be the hardest part.

I try going on certain days on odd hours to avoid the good looking sexy guys from showing up. Nothing kills me more than feeling even more fat in a room filled with buffed up good looking guys.

 

[Uchip]

My straight friend loaned me his set. i am not totally sure if it would even help me.

Sigh, even if i lose weight guys i like dont even want to date guys like me. Its like a loud ringing in my head. i cannot think of anything else right now. i think i am going to order some useless junk online.

you seem hung up on the dating thing
is that really the most important thing to you?

 

[neojubei]

you seem hung up on the dating thing
is that really the most important thing to you?

I don't know. My hormone are going insane. I'm constantly looking at gay dating websites and getting more down. I see cute guys all the time on the train which makes me sad i cannot even look good. Finding myself doing things like spending money on straight friends who i wish i could date. Seeing my only gay friend's friends hooking up with so many guys and i cannot even date one. Its like decades of frustration. To only be with anyone i have to pay for it and then feel like more of a loser for doing it. I hate summer because so many gay couples are in the city along with the pride parades and stuff. i feel like everything gay in my life has very negative. if i could i would just cut my heart out. i dont think there is anyone out there for me or anything even like me. im an outcast that really should not have been born.

 

[Admiral Bone to Pick]

I don't know. My hormone are going insane. I'm constantly looking at gay dating websites and getting more down. I see cute guys all the time on the train which makes me sad i cannot even look good. Finding myself doing things like spending money on straight friends who i wish i could date. Seeing my only gay friend's friends hooking up with so many guys and i cannot even date one. Its like decades of frustration. To only be with anyone i have to pay for it and then feel like more of a loser for doing it. I hate summer because so many gay couples are in the city along with the pride parades and stuff. i feel like everything gay in my life has very negative. if i could i would just cut my heart out. i dont think there is anyone out there for me or anything even like me. im an outcast that really should not have been born.

I highly recommend visiting the GAF weight loss thread. There's a lot of great advice there and some really great results. I personally lost 20 pounds through a new diet.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I lost myself 50 pounds and the gaf weight loss thread was my start point over two years ago.

 

[neojubei]

I highly recommend visiting the GAF weight loss thread. There's a lot of great advice there and some really great results. I personally lost 20 pounds through a new diet.

I've been to that thread a few times. i do not think it can help me. there are many times even now when i am feeling very low and just want to gorge on Chinese food or 2 whole pizzas or both. i dont think straight when i am so low so no diet can really help me.

 

[Uchip]

I've been to that thread a few times. i do not think it can help me. there are many times even now when i am feeling very low and just want to gorge on Chinese food or 2 whole pizzas or both. i dont think straight when i am so low so no diet can really help me.

are you even on medication?
might help to change that up before attempting a life improvement

 

[neojubei]

are you even on medication?
might help to change that up before attempting a life improvement

tried meds before and they do not help

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

My straight friend loaned me his set. i am not totally sure if it would even help me.

Sigh, even if i lose weight guys i like dont even want to date guys like me. Its like a loud ringing in my head. i cannot think of anything else right now. i think i am going to order some useless junk online.


I live in an ocean of regret.

Running isn't exactly safe in my neighborhood.


I try going on certain days on odd hours to avoid the good looking sexy guys from showing up. Nothing kills me more than feeling even more fat in a room filled with buffed up good looking guys.

You can lose a ton of weight just by changing your diet. I generally don't advocate those low carb diets, but they work for a lot of people. Pretty sure there is a thread on GAF devoted to such diets and it is filled wtih people who have lost 50, 60, 100+ lbs, sometimes in as little as a year. So why don't you change your diet? This is something you have complete control over. I occasionally post over at the SA forums, and they have a great forum and FAQ devoted to fitness and weight loss: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3483424.

Every time I look in this thread, you are posting the same garbage, reinforcing your self-hatred and possibly triggering similar emotions in others reading this thread. It isn't productive! I know you are overwhelmed by the number of things you want to change about yourself. That is why it is best to start on one or two areas of your life you want to improve and focus on those.

If you aren't prepared to put in any effort, why bother posting? There is absolutely nothing anyone here can do for you but provide support, and it appears that this support and attention is just feeding your self-loathing and depression. Does it make you feel better when people offer you advice or empathize with you? It probably does to an extent, but I am guessing that attention provides only a temporary relief from your depression, and then a few hours or days later you are back for more.

I've been to that thread a few times. i do not think it can help me. there are many times even now when i am feeling very low and just want to gorge on Chinese food or 2 whole pizzas or both. i dont think straight when i am so low so no diet can really help me.

:|

 

[Uchip]

tried meds before and they do not help

sounds more like you are in a situational depression then rather than chronic
which is all the more reason to change your situation

 

[Zaphod]

tried meds before and they do not help

Which ones? Were they accompanied with therapy? I'm assuming they checked your thyroid before prescribing the meds.

 

[Wilsongt]

Sometimes when I get down and depressed, I just want to be super numb... so I either drink until I get really drunk, or take some medicine that will help me sleep... Never both together.

Then there are nights where I just want to bang my head against a wall because I am so stupid and pitiful...

 

[neojubei]

Which ones? Were they accompanied with therapy? I'm assuming they checked your thyroid before prescribing the meds.

I already have a bad thyroid that i am taking meds for. it doesn't help one bit.

sounds more like you are in a situational depression then rather than chronic
which is all the more reason to change your situation

Wish I knew how to change my situation.

 

[pax217]

I already have a bad thyroid that i am taking meds for. it doesn't help one bit.
...
Wish I knew how to change my situation.

Do you have access to a mobile audio player that can hold podcasts and such? Last October I weighed 280lbs, today I weigh about 205-215 depending on the month and how much I'm working.

If you've got that audio player, just get out and walk for an hour every day. I swear to God the "Giantbombcast" and "Weekend Confirmed" are the two biggest attributes to my weight-loss. I still, to this day, rarely watch what I eat (I try to stay away from heavy amounts of sodium, don't give a shit about calories or fat, but low sodium tends to be low calorie and/or fat), and I'm really loving all the time I have for podcasts, and it's given me something new to do with friends other than sit inside (which is really the only thing to do with Seattle's weather). If you're worried about your neighborhood then go elsewhere (my neighborhood is filled with hills, and I hate hills, so I travel across the city to walk on the flat boardwalk) to do it.

Once I hit somewhere around 230lbs I really got the urge to start actually getting my heart-rate up, and that has helped even more. I can't help you with the dating area (I could try lol), but I can definitely help with the exercise.

 

[AngryMoth]

Hey Gaf. I've been on the verge of posting in here a few times, but I'm in crisis mode today and don't know where else to turn. A have a therapist who I'd usually talk to but she's on maternity leave. I've been struggling with depressive symptoms and just general miserableness for the last 4 year, however I'm actually a little off-topic here so I apologise in advance, however I didn't want the type of attention that comes with making a new thread and so this seemed like the best place to post.

I was up last night at 4am and decided to write down how I was feeling, so I figure I'll just post that since its a good look inside my head (I wasn't actually expecting anyone else to read it). It's a little melodramatic and I don't expect to garner much sympathy (I know I'm not a good person, in the functional sense not the moral), but I'm not going to talk to anyone and I feel like I really need someone to tell me if I'm thinking rationally. I'm a lot more hesitant today, mostly due to instinct I think; all my life I feel like I've never really made my own decisions, I've always just done what I was told to, by my parents or by society, and this is the first time I've swum against the current. I just can't figure out if this is the best or worst decision I've ever made, so any general advice and thoughts will be much appreciated. Okay I'll stop rambling now, here's what I wrote last night:

I have an exam this morning, and I'm not going. I actually have four exams this week which cap off my second year of university, and I won't be going to the others either. For the last few months I've told myself everyday that I'll start working on revision, but somehow I just never got started. If I started last week I might have still got a first. If I started yesterday I could still have passed, but I didn't. I still don't know why I've chosen this path, but I suspect its because a large part of me doesn't want to come back next year. I've spent a long time kidding myself, but when I think about it honestly I've hated the course since day one. I've hated the people, the material, the lecturers - even the building. The real clincher was when I found out the only two modules I was looking forward too next year have been dropped, leaving absolutely nothing of interest to me. I don't know if i's even this particular course, I don't have the knowledge or the passion for the subject to get a job in the industry, I thought I did but I don't. 

So where does this leave me? Terrified. It feels like everything I've ever worked towards is going to be stripped away; I'm going back to square one. I've never had a real job - truth be told I've never had to do a hard days work in my life - and I have no desire to get one. I always thought if I did end up dropping out I'd end up killing myself, I've certainly thought about it a lot over the years, and backed into a corner like this I thought it would be the only option I was capable of taking. Strangely though I find myself considering something different.

If I'm going to make something of myself in this world I need to be a very different person than the one I am now. I'm lazy, I'll do anything to avoid work, and my lack of self-confidence has led me to a place where my only social interaction is with the people I live with. What I want more than anything is to not feel alone; to have friends who I have a true bond with, and if possible to be loved by someone and one day start a family. For this to happen I will need a job to sustain myself, and I will need a radically improved outlook and personality. The former is conditional on the latter so that it where I must lay my focus.

It is for this reason that I have decided to go travelling. The thought first came to me as a means of escape, to run away from my problems, and this is still my primary motivation. Part of me hopes I don't ever have to come back, that I will find a new life in some far off place where I can forget everything that has come before. Certainly I hope to go for a long time, I have funds to last 4-6 months depending on how I live, and hope to earn additional money along the way if possible. I wouldn't even consider looking for work here, but something about labouring away in a peaceful, foreign village is very romantic to me. It is my sincerest hope that I shall return from this journey a better person, capable of building a new life for myself.

I have been teaching myself Japanese for the last nine months and I've always wanted to go, and so Japan is the obvious place to begin. Planning starts tomorrow.

 

[CrocMother]

Hey Gaf. I've been on the verge of posting in here a few times, but I'm in crisis mode today and don't know where else to turn. A have a therapist who I'd usually talk to but she's on maternity leave. I've been struggling with depressive symptoms and just general miserableness for the last 4 year, however I'm actually a little off-topic here so I apologise in advance, however I didn't want the type of attention that comes with making a new thread and so this seemed like the best place to post.

I was up last night at 4am and decided to write down how I was feeling, so I figure I'll just post that since its a good look inside my head (I wasn't actually expecting anyone else to read it). It's a little melodramatic and I don't expect to garner much sympathy (I know I'm not a good person, in the functional sense not the moral), but I'm not going to talk to anyone and I feel like I really need someone to tell me if I'm thinking rationally. I'm a lot more hesitant today, mostly due to instinct I think; all my life I feel like I've never really made my own decisions, I've always just done what I was told to, by my parents or by society, and this is the first time I've swum against the current. I just can't figure out if this is the best or worst decision I've ever made, so any general advice and thoughts will be much appreciated. Okay I'll stop rambling now, here's what I wrote last night:

check this out: http://www.wwoofjapan.com/main/

 

[SuperEpicMan]

Hey, does anybody have a form of bipolar that could help me with something. I have been seeing a doctor about random episodes of depression and other weird moods, but haven't seen him since he gave me a number to ring, which was to make cognitive therapy sessions.

I haven't been to the doctors since spring, mainly because I haven't had a serious issue in the meantime and I still haven't gotten to ringing up the number. I have been put on anti depressants once, but the doctor decided it wasn't the best course of treatment because the moods I have come on so fast, and I don't always feel depressed.

I am about to break up for the summer holidays (which is a happy time) but just today I feel really shit, hopefully it will pass, but if it doesn't, does anybody know of any methods I can use to uplift my attitude because at the moment I just feel like sitting and staring at a wall :/ I don't even have the motivation to do things I normally enjoy.

 

[Surface of Me]

Sometimes when I get down and depressed, I just want to be super numb... so I either drink until I get really drunk, or take some medicine that will help me sleep... Never both together.

Then there are nights where I just want to bang my head against a wall because I am so stupid and pitiful...

I'm feeling that today. I just wish my life was farther along than it is, I feel like I'm just stagnating here. I constantly seem to make problems for myself and I have done nothing with my life. Fuck.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

does anybody know of any methods I can use to uplift my attitude because at the moment I just feel like sitting and staring at a wall :/ I don't even have the motivation to do things I normally enjoy.

I feel like that a lot. Sometimes it helps if I just go outside for a while. Staring at a tree or the sky definitely beats staring at a wall.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Sometimes when I get down and depressed, I just want to be super numb... so I either drink until I get really drunk, or take some medicine that will help me sleep... Never both together.

Then there are nights where I just want to bang my head against a wall because I am so stupid and pitiful...

I have always felt that everyday. Usually when I get depressed or frustrated with my life, I sleep it off. I kept feeling that my life is meaningless and I just want to escape from my horrible life. It's pointless for me to even state my problems with my friends or family because I feel that they don't care about my issues.