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[2AdEPT]

Everything seems pointless and bleak. :\

I really understand how people can get in to a rut with this thinking, and there is a possiblity its not your thinking and you have a chemical imbalance worth checking out, but the reality is that life in the universe is too rare as it is...ANY life is better than nothing.....go on the discivery channel and be in awwe of the size of the universe......we really re insignifican in the grand scheme....but tht is the whole reason to take care of ourselves no matter what the situation!!!! OOur pain and our problems are LESS significant than we are ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is perhaps no accident but I can guarnatee you it is rare. Even if we have not foun life on other planets, I will go on limb and guarantee that it is friggin rare...really friggin rare the way we know it.....so try ot get in tune with reality and enjoy ever second whether it hurts or not!

This is the attitudeof this new co-worker we got up herein Canada...she emmigated from the US and used ot work in Psych, ops in teh military...she was the one who was killing animals in farm villages ot create stress forthe adversary....she didn't like doing it to say the least adn she eventually got her leave....not sure she was supposed to tell me even, but she did tell me she has a terminal pain issue with her nerve endings s they die on regular basis which is teh highest pain condition known to man (apparently put s chemotherpay to shame) AND she is PTSD fro teh military AND she is gay albiet in a stable relationship....she still finds the energy to continue in a job despite being only one of a handful worldwide with her condition.....but this is her attitude......if there is even 3 minutes of pain free existence she will enjoy it to the fullest whenever she gets a chance...she will walk in the rain, whatever, as teh only thing that makes her day is being pain free minutes every dday...she refuses full pain meds but has to tkae some or it would be unbearable.

 

[Bagels]

I am a saint, aren't I?

As was pointed out, the tools are only rough guides for you to kind of sense how you're doing. You'll end up with different scores in the clinic. I also try to point out that I'm only a student, so my advice should be taken with a hefty grain of salt. If you want real help, see a real doctor.

I''m on a classroom block, so I have extra time to patrol the GAF depression thread. I appreciate the questions and I'm glad to help, but I will slowly roll back my involvement as I head back into the clinic. I'm not really being flooded with messages, so as long as it's a nice steady trickle, I'm happy to keep looking stuff up and offering my non-expert opinion. It's honestly helping me learn, so everyone wins.

Just keep at it depressed-GAF! 1-2-3-TEAM!

And 2AdEPT - what's the deal with all the ellipses?

 

[xelios]

Bipolar/borderline here. I'm in a terrible episode, probably one of the worst of my life. Phone conversations, maintaining any sort of relationship, checking the mail....hygiene, any of it feels like it saps my energy and makes me so weak. I don't care about relationships, in a 9 1/2 year relationship I'd just as well sever when I'm in this state but it'd require too much effort. My voice feels weak. I feel so much pressure and stress for no reason, my thoughts are racing and I can't single any one out. I feel like an observer and not a participator, like I'm just existing. I can't put everything into words because it's like trying to count from 1 to 100 with someone sitting there saying, "42! 15! 94! 63!" to throw you off. That's what my thoughts are doing to my thoughts I'm trying to focus on.

Psych has just put me on lithium in addition to the seroquel and lamictal I'm already taking, hoping for the best.

 

[Fatal Futanari]

I need to get back out on the dating scene...but being an introvert, having low self-esteem, and having slight social anxiety really kills the deal at times. I keep overthinking and shoot myself down on situations. For the most part, can pump myself up (lol) and be confident (even if I am nervous) on other stuff but with girls...yea LOL. Anyway I can snap out of this? My past relationships have made me timid towards relationships. :/

Like right now, I am overthinking about telling one of my friends that I like them. Afraid that it might ruin the friendship. Bah, its been driving me crazy these past few weeks.

On the brightside, I think I am slowing easing out of my depression.

 

[2AdEPT]

I am a saint, aren't I?



And 2AdEPT - what's the deal with all the ellipses?

Sorry hope that you didn;t think it sarcastic..not so...anyone that cares enought to help should recieve a better title than poster.....i realize the cost of caring only too well and a you are a student you proabably have not burned out yet....its always a tough balance between our own and ohter wellness.

I only use the two ways usually...several times i was actually quoting someone else, most times i use them to indicate slight sarcasm......in the way that although I am saying it...its someone elses words so I actually don't agree with the meaning....I guess comedians do it all the time right.....hold up their hands and do the dito marks when they are quoting.......so for example the "miracle" is in quotes only becuase it was the way that the poster who didn't liek your suggetion so far had described it....my opinion was that I agreed with the idea it was a good option but miracle wasnot the word I would use and it was used in sarcasm and jest so I thought.....so I quoted it as not ot change the meaning and keep in with teh idea ....but not fully take credit for its useage...as it would not be the way I would describe ECT...it is a viable intervention for the right situation.... and although it really turned the guy's life around I woudl still not say miracle as this to me includes the unexplainable.....ECT has a non-miraculous sscience to it. Later I use the "waste" in quotes as I was directly quoting the poster that used the term but I hope it was clear that I did not agree with the idea that youth is a waste of time...obviously my point was that what others consider a "waste" I believe is just the definition of growing up adn that mistakes aree xpected adn ca nbe learned frm and this is normal.

Maybe I shouldn't quote others like this but I am just tryingto convey more through typing than would normally come through....which I admit can be misinterpreted......but that is the way with life, i.e. that we all think others know what we mean jsut beucsue we said it or typed it......but it is rather misunderstanding that proceeeds naturally and "....understanding must be grounded in every step of interpretation." (Groundin, J. 1990, Sourcesof Hermeneutics. )

 

[Uchip]

isnt equal opportunity is an illusion with mental illness being so prevalent?
impossible to both keep a job and have the desire for one

 

[RatskyWatsky]

my thoughts are racing and I can't single any one out. I feel like an observer and not a participator, like I'm just existing. I can't put everything into words because it's like trying to count from 1 to 100 with someone sitting there saying, "42! 15! 94! 63!" to throw you off. That's what my thoughts are doing to my thoughts I'm trying to focus on.

Is this a sign of something? Cause that's what I feel like too.

 

[Bagels]

Sorry hope that you didn;t think it sarcastic..not so...anyone that cares enought to help should recieve a better title than poster.....i realize the cost of caring only too well and a you are a student you proabably have not burned out yet....its always a tough balance between our own and ohter wellness.

I only use the two ways usually...several times i was actually quoting someone else, most times i use them to indicate slight sarcasm......in the way that although I am saying it...its someone elses words so I actually don't agree with the meaning....I guess comedians do it all the time right.....hold up their hands and do the dito marks when they are quoting.......so for example the "miracle" is in quotes only becuase it was the way that the poster who didn't liek your suggetion so far had described it....my opinion was that I agreed with the idea it was a good option but miracle wasnot the word I would use and it was used in sarcasm and jest so I thought.....so I quoted it as not ot change the meaning and keep in with teh idea ....but not fully take credit for its useage...as it would not be the way I would describe ECT...it is a viable intervention for the right situation.... and although it really turned the guy's life around I woudl still not say miracle as this to me includes the unexplainable.....ECT has a non-miraculous sscience to it. Later I use the "waste" in quotes as I was directly quoting the poster that used the term but I hope it was clear that I did not agree with the idea that youth is a waste of time...obviously my point was that what others consider a "waste" I believe is just the definition of growing up adn that mistakes aree xpected adn ca nbe learned frm and this is normal.

Maybe I shouldn't quote others like this but I am just tryingto convey more through typing than would normally come through....which I admit can be misinterpreted......but that is the way with life, i.e. that we all think others know what we mean jsut beucsue we said it or typed it......but it is rather misunderstanding that proceeeds naturally and "....understanding must be grounded in every step of interpretation." (Groundin, J. 1990, Sourcesof Hermeneutics. )

I didn't take it as sarcasm at ll. No worries there. I was wondering about your writing style, where you....use lot of periods to break things up.....like this. Are you trying to capture the way you think......or the way you speak? Or something else? It's just interesting, that's all.

Thanks for contributing to the thread! It's good to have lots of different perspectives in here.

 

[heidern]

I'm really think I've got some kind of depression going on.

I'm honestly to the point where I just don't give a flying fuck about anything anymore. If my marriage ends, so be it, if I lose my job, so be it.

I hate how my life has turned out and I don't know what to do to correct it.

Well the first step is obvious. You think you might have depression, go see a doctor and he can tell you for sure.

As for your wife. Tell her everything, exactly how things are, all the things you posted here and in more detail. She's your wife, she's supposed to support you, she should be the one looking out for you. Discuss it all with her and work on a plan together for how to take things forward.

If she isn't supportive and is singularly focused on you keeping the job, well then she cares more about money than she cares about you and you might need to look at a breakup. But I wouldn't go that far just yet. Depression alters your perceptions and you may not be looking at your relationship completely rationally. Go see the doctor first about the depression and then you can take things from there.

 

[neojubei]

Deleted.

 

[jcutner]

I've been contemplating my horrid existence this past weekend. Listing the pros and cons. I've decided to take tomorrow off from work since no one will be home it gives me time alone to think. I've come to the conclusion I am better off gone than being a burden on myself. I don't think anyway should live trapped in their mind like me. The last 10 years have been bad and there is nothing I can see that will make the next 10 years any better. I'm kind of tired of being hated by everyone even myself and being rejected all the time. Maybe I'll see another therapist tomorrow who knows. Maybe I will be hit by a car before I get there.

I just hope my best friend in Japan finds someone and gets married. He of all people should have some happiness in his life.

whenever i get into my dips of depression, i always fall back on this stupid idea that i have. my "ten year plan"

it popped into my head a few years back, so I guess it's more of a 8 year plan now - but anyways, hear me out

when i was 12-13 i was super depressed (can't remember why, so that doesn't bode very well) and wanted to commit suicide - and 10 years later, when i was 22-23 (i'm 24 now), i was depressed yet again to that degree - and I thought to myself, "man. if i killed myself 10 years ago, i really would have regretted it." because the amount of people i've met over the course of those 10 years is invaluable to me. life long friends - so even when i'm depressed to that point, i think - why not try to ride it out for another 10 years? who can tell what's gonna happen when i'm 32-33, etc.

and the stupid part of my idea is, when i'm 32-33, and i deem nothing worthwhile has happened in those past 10 years (still alone, etc etc) then why not commit suicide.

also, edit: "and there is nothing I can see that will make the next 10 years any better." none of us can see or predict the future though, it sounds trite but i don't know how else to word it.

 

[Bagels]

whenever i get into my dips of depression, i always fall back on this stupid idea that i have. my "ten year plan"

it popped into my head a few years back, so I guess it's more of a 8 year plan now - but anyways, hear me out

when i was 12-13 i was super depressed (can't remember why, so that doesn't bode very well) and wanted to commit suicide - and 10 years later, when i was 22-23 (i'm 24 now), i was depressed yet again to that degree - and I thought to myself, "man. if i killed myself 10 years ago, i really would have regretted it." because the amount of people i've met over the course of those 10 years is invaluable to me. life long friends - so even when i'm depressed to that point, i think - why not try to ride it out for another 10 years? who can tell what's gonna happen when i'm 32-33, etc.

and the stupid part of my idea is, when i'm 32-33, and i deem nothing worthwhile has happened in those past 10 years (still alone, etc etc) then why not commit suicide.

also, edit: "and there is nothing I can see that will make the next 10 years any better." none of us can see or predict the future though, it sounds trite but i don't know how else to word it.

That's a great way to think about things. Every decade of my life has brought different challenges and different joys. The two worst years of my life also brought the happiest times in my life. I've done things I never thought I would do, I don't like to brag, but I can admit that I have had a positive effect on many people's lives. I'm glad I've been here for them, and they have gotten to be there for me. I don't talk about my suicidal period, and to this day I'm not sure how close I came - my mind wasn't quite my own then. I sort of see it from outside my body in my memory.

Anyway, who knows what the future holds. Keep fighting. I'm always up for talking. PM me. We can even talk by phone.

 

[Bagels]

I'm really think I've got some kind of depression going on.

I hate my job with a passion. My wife and I are having a lot of problems and I'm fully expecting we're going to get divorced in the future. Oh yea, I'm also going to be deploying to Afghanistan in a little over a month (I'm in the Air Force). The military is another issue, my enlistment is up next summer, I hate it with a passion. I hate my job (used to love it), I hate my co-workers (the biggest group of fucking morons ever), I hate the squadron I'm in (leadership is throwing us under the bus to make themselves look good all the fucking time), I hate the base I'm at (Malmstrom blows), I just hate everything about it. The issue, my wife and I are fighting about me staying in. She's almost forcing me to stay in, when I don't want to. If I stay in, I'm going to be miserable, probably even more than I am now.

Here's my life in a nutshell. I go to work at 4:30 in the morning, I spend my entire shift doing a bunch of mundane tasks for a bunch of assholes who treat me like a child (even though I'm older than most of them). I've busted my ass for that place and I've gotten nothing to show for it, yet the lazy POS's who don't do a damn thing take all of the credit. I then come home and literally do nothing, then wake up and do it all over again.

I'm going to Yellowstone with my family tomorrow and I should be excited for it, yet I really don't give a damn. Nothing excites me anymore, it literally just feels like I'm going through the motions. I've even lost my appetite, food is just boring to me, I hate watching TV, even video games are boring.

I'm almost consistently pissed off at somebody or some thing (mostly work related), and its really impacting my marriage.

I'm honestly to the point where I just don't give a flying fuck about anything anymore. If my marriage ends, so be it, if I lose my job, so be it.

I hate how my life has turned out and I don't know what to do to correct it.

Get to a doctor. Depression can make everything feel awful and you can end up destroying things that are actually really important to you.

I thought about dropping out of medical and graduate school countless times, because I really hated it. But I couldn't tell if I actually hated it, or the problem was just that I hated everything. Now, with the depression in remission, I absolutely love medicine and can't imagine quitting it. You don't want to make major decisions when your mind is not functioning correctly.

 

[neojubei]

That's a great way to think about things. Every decade of my life has brought different challenges and different joys. The two worst years of my life also brought the happiest times in my life. I've done things I never thought I would do, I don't like to brag, but I can admit that I have had a positive effect on many people's lives. I'm glad I've been here for them, and they have gotten to be there for me. I don't talk about my suicidal period, and to this day I'm not sure how close I came - my mind wasn't quite my own then. I sort of see it from outside my body in my memory.

Anyway, who knows what the future holds. Keep fighting. I'm always up for talking. PM me. We can even talk by phone.

every decade of my life have been terrible. I cannot help but compare my life with my peeps and it seems i have been lacking in so many areas. I feel so overwhelmed. I know tomorrow i will be upset with myself for not working on my resume. i dont know why i keep putting it off. i hate my job so much. i need to get out of there just for my own sanity.

 

[Fry]

Bipolar/borderline here. I'm in a terrible episode, probably one of the worst of my life. Phone conversations, maintaining any sort of relationship, checking the mail....hygiene, any of it feels like it saps my energy and makes me so weak. I don't care about relationships, in a 9 1/2 year relationship I'd just as well sever when I'm in this state but it'd require too much effort. My voice feels weak. I feel so much pressure and stress for no reason, my thoughts are racing and I can't single any one out. I feel like an observer and not a participator, like I'm just existing. I can't put everything into words because it's like trying to count from 1 to 100 with someone sitting there saying, "42! 15! 94! 63!" to throw you off. That's what my thoughts are doing to my thoughts I'm trying to focus on.

Psych has just put me on lithium in addition to the seroquel and lamictal I'm already taking, hoping for the best.

You're not that different from me. The thing is, I never went to a doctor or anything. I think things will get better, but it's hard to believe in that at this point.

 

[Bagels]

every decade of my life have been terrible. I cannot help but compare my life with my peeps and it seems i have been lacking in so many areas. I feel so overwhelmed. I know tomorrow i will be upset with myself for not working on my resume. i dont know why i keep putting it off. i hate my job so much. i need to get out of there just for my own sanity.

I'd be happy to look at your resume, even if it's only partly complete. Would that help make it more manageable?

 

[CitizenCope]

I didn't take it as sarcasm at ll. No worries there. I was wondering about your writing style, where you....use lot of periods to break things up.....like this. Are you trying to capture the way you think......or the way you speak? Or something else? It's just interesting, that's all.

Thanks for contributing to the thread! It's good to have lots of different perspectives in here.

It' s too bad. There is some good stuff in there but I find it such a pain to read.

 

[neojubei]

I'd be happy to look at your resume, even if it's only partly complete. Would that help make it more manageable?

If i had more skills it would be a good resume. I've stayed at my job for far too long and i dont want to be a CSR forever. whenever i think about it i want to shoot myself in the head.

 

[Bagels]

If i had more skills it would be a good resume. I've stayed at my job for far too long and i dont want to be a CSR forever. whenever i think about it i want to shoot myself in the head.

I can totally help you make a better resume! This is not worth shooting yourself in the head over!

 

[Zekes!]

My anxiety is kind of flaring up; I have a (second) interview tomorrow morning, regarding this youth employment program that's funded by my provincial government.

I left my last job in February, and I haven't found any work since, and last year I spent a good half of the year unemployed. I really want to go back to school, but I have no idea what I want to do. I can't seem to find interest in anything, and I've lost a lot of interest in things I enjoyed before. The program is supposed to be for people with disabilities, or barriers preventing employment, such as homelessness, but I qualify due to my history of depression.

I'm nervous that this program isn't really going to help me out in finding employment or an idea of what I want to do, and that I'll end up wasting everybody's time. There's a job placement aspect that occurs half way through the program, and I'm nervous that I'll get placed somewhere shitty; I say this because earlier this year my depression drove me from a job that I somewhat enjoyed doing, so I can't imagine working somewhere that I don't like.

Has anyone here ever done any similar career programs?

 

[Uchip]

If i had more skills it would be a good resume. I've stayed at my job for far too long and i dont want to be a CSR forever. whenever i think about it i want to shoot myself in the head.

My resume is great, im in good physical shape, girls give me chances, but id feel no better than miserable if I won the lottery. Maybe you should work on those things because you can, and theyre bothering you.

When you have tried and succeeded, and still feel terrible then ill accept your complaining, but as of right now you're making me angry.

 

[Bagels]

My anxiety is kind of flaring up; I have a (second) interview tomorrow morning, regarding this youth employment program that's funded by my provincial government.

I left my last job in February, and I haven't found any work since, and last year I spent a good half of the year unemployed. I really want to go back to school, but I have no idea what I want to do. I can't seem to find interest in anything, and I've lost a lot of interest in things I enjoyed before. The program is supposed to be for people with disabilities, or barriers preventing employment, such as homelessness, but I qualify due to my history of depression.

I'm nervous that this program isn't really going to help me out in finding employment or an idea of what I want to do, and that I'll end up wasting everybody's time. There's a job placement aspect that occurs half way through the program, and I'm nervous that I'll get placed somewhere shitty; I say this because earlier this year my depression drove me from a job that I somewhat enjoyed doing, so I can't imagine working somewhere that I don't like.

Has anyone here ever done any similar career programs?

I haven't tried any program like that. I can say I lost a job due to my depression, though.

Don't worry about wasting people's time. Depression is an illness or disability just like anything else. If this program is designed to help people like you, don't feel bad about taking advantage of it. It sounds like I'm trying to tell you how to feel, which isn't my intention. I understand feeling bad about it. I did miserably in a short course in med school and the professor asked me what happened and I told her that I had been extremely depressed, and had stayed at home for most of the course, in bed. She gave me a private review course and let me retake the final exam. I felt bad about that, but I would do the same thing for a student. If they were bed-ridden for any other reason, I'd help them out. Why is depression different?

Good luck with the program. Just really get yourself in a good place with meds or therapy or whatever so you don't end up leaving a job you actually like again. If you can, get well, then get a job. I tried to work while I was getting help for depression and it screwed up both work and the therapy.

 

[xelios]

Man, suicidal thoughts just keep getting worse and worse. I start taking 600mg of lithium today instead of 300 (took for 4 days to start) and I'm hoping it will do something. I'm really desperate at this point. I'm trying to keep myself distracted with playing games, working in the garden with my flowers/fertilizing etc. Playing with my cat, cleaning the house. I don't have the energy, feel sapped all the time and am taking naps (as another distraction when the thoughts creep up), but I'm FORCING myself because if I don't, I will sit and contemplate suicide because all these thoughts creep into my head. Idle hands really are a bad thing for me.

This is completely something wrong with my brain because my life is not terrible or anything by anyone's standards, it's pretty comfy and there's nothing physically wrong with me at all. Bipolar is just a monster. I guess I'm lucky I don't have type I. I've made progress regarding frequency and intensity since finally receiving an accurate diagnosis last year but combined with BPD & PTSD it still seems to be successfully consuming my life a couple times a year.

Anyone have experience with lithium being added to their other meds or alone?

 

[neojubei]

My resume is great, im in good physical shape, girls give me chances, but id feel no better than miserable if I won the lottery. Maybe you should work on those things because you can, and theyre bothering you.

When you have tried and succeeded, and still feel terrible then ill accept your complaining, but as of right now you're making me angry.

what do you expect me to do? i feel the weight of my failures on my back everyday. All my regrets. I don't know what to do. I do know I have to leave this job. Why can't I focus is my main issue. I sit at the pc stare at my resume then my sisters and see how much i haven't accomplished. It is so depressing to read about some people on gaf living on their own, having relationships, going to grad school, making 80k+ and all before they reach 30. I cannot even put together a resume. i am work right now and i feel like just walking out. today like every day will be hard. i have to deal with so many assholes on the phone. dealing with people on the phones not only makes me hate people but life in general. society will be evil vile disgusting thing so i dont want to be apart of it.

i wish i could just rip these thoughts out of my head. I wish i could be an entirely different person. i'd glady give my life up to whomever as long as i dont have to exist.

there isn't anything worth living for.

 

[Feep]

what do you expect me to do? i feel the weight of my failures on my back everyday. All my regrets. I don't know what to do. I do know I have to leave this job. Why can't I focus is my main issue. I sit at the pc stare at my resume then my sisters and see how much i haven't accomplished. It is so depressing to read about some people on gaf living on their own, having relationships, going to grad school, making 80k+ and all before they reach 30. I cannot even put together a resume. i am work right now and i feel like just walking out. today like every day will be hard. i have to deal with so many assholes on the phone. dealing with people on the phones not only makes me hate people but life in general. society will be evil vile disgusting thing so i dont want to be apart of it.

i wish i could just rip these thoughts out of my head. I wish i could be an entirely different person. i'd glady give my life up to whomever as long as i dont have to exist.

there isn't anything worth living for.

Why, exactly, is society a "evil vile disgusting thing"?

 

[mescalineeyes]

Why, exactly, is society a "evil vile disgusting thing"?

Because it doesn't just hand you everything on a silver platter.

I'd almost feel sorry for neojubei if he actually tried to do something instead of coming up with excuses why he won't.

 

[Feep]

Because it doesn't just hand you everything on a silver platter.

I'd almost feel sorry for neojubei if he actually tried to do something instead of coming up with excuses why he won't.

He seems to think those people with relationships, with 80k+ jobs, with their own place were luckier than he, were unfairly handed those rewards.

I suppose that occurs every now and then, but it's rare. I worked my ass off for the stuff I have. He could do it too, if that's what he really wanted.

 

[mescalineeyes]

He seems to think those people with relationships, with 80k+ jobs, with their own place were luckier than he, were unfairly handed those rewards.

I suppose that occurs every now and then, but it's rare. I worked my ass off for the stuff I have. He could do it too, if that's what he really wanted.

well depression really does hinder you in being an achieving goalgetter, but everybody has to overcome something. if you let let it hold you down not only do you enable your lazy and lethargic behaviour, you're wasting the little time you have to actually do something cool/meaningful with your life.

I am glad my dad kicked my ass as much as he did because otherwise I would've ended up just like neojubei.

 

[neojubei]

Why, exactly, is society a "evil vile disgusting thing"?

just people i have to deal with on phones everyday. I think i really hate all of massachusetts and really would love to move away. if i could i would love to live in Japan.

well depression really does hinder you in being an achieving goalgetter, but everybody has to overcome something. if you let let it hold you down not only do you enable your lazy and lethargic behaviour, you're wasting the little time you have to actually do something cool/meaningful with your life.

I am glad my dad kicked my ass as much as he did because otherwise I would've ended up just like neojubei.

Too bad my mother couldnt have killed me when I was a baby. Maybe death is the best option for me. Fuck life.


Thanks maybe i should just kill myself right now.

 

[Feep]

just people i have to deal with on phones everyday. I think i really hate all of massachusetts and really would love to move away. if i could i would love to live in Japan.



Too bad my mother couldnt have killed me when I was a baby. Maybe death is the best option for me. Fuck life.


Thanks maybe i should just kill myself right now.

It's possible that there are a bunch of assholes in whatever context your work demands, and that is not indicative of society as a whole.

You post these posts every few days; you're clearly looking for something from us. Some magical piece of advice, some spectacular solution to cure what ails you? Ask yourself what you want, ask yourself how you can achieve it, and then do it. We can only offer words of encouragement, man. We can't exercise for you, find a new job for you, fix your family issues. It's up to you, and it always has been.

 

[neojubei]

It's possible that there are a bunch of assholes in whatever context your work demands, and that is not indicative of society as a whole.

You post these posts every few days; you're clearly looking for something from us. Some magical piece of advice, some spectacular solution to cure what ails you? Ask yourself what you want, ask yourself how you can achieve it, and then do it. We can only offer words of encouragement, man. We can't exercise for you, find a new job for you, fix your family issues. It's up to you, and it always has been.

Whatever I left my job now I'm probably fired. I'm going to my therapist and telling him il going to kill myself right now.

Too bad I never had a father or mother to push me to end up a loser. Maybe someone can kill me before I reach my therapist. Maybe I should just jump on the subway tracks right now

 

[Feep]

Whatever I left my job now I'm probably fired. I'm going to my therapist and telling him il going to kill myself right now.

Too bad I never had a father or mother to push me to end up a loser. Maybe someone can kill me before I reach my therapist. Maybe I should just jump on the subway tracks right now

No, do not kill yourself. But you're once again making the mistake of assuming that other people have some magical thing that you didn't/can't have; in this case, quality parenting. It's an excuse, something you tell yourself when you fail to make it okay. "Well of course *I* can't lose weight! I didn't have good parenting!"

Call me immediately at 561.702.8339 if you actually feel like killing yourself (obviously your therapist would be a better option, though.)

 

[Fuzzery]

Whatever I left my job now I'm probably fired. I'm going to my therapist and telling him il going to kill myself right now.

Too bad I never had a father or mother to push me to end up a loser. Maybe someone can kill me before I reach my therapist. Maybe I should just jump on the subway tracks right now

Don't do it man...the feelings will pass. There's a lot to live for in life.

 

[Xun]

He seems to think those people with relationships, with 80k+ jobs, with their own place were luckier than he, were unfairly handed those rewards.

I suppose that occurs every now and then, but it's rare. I worked my ass off for the stuff I have. He could do it too, if that's what he really wanted.

Well the majority of people aren't hindered by mental disorders, so in some ways they are "luckier".

I do agree with you though.

Also don't do it neojubei. Although it doesn't feel like it now, your life can and will turn around.

 

[Foffy]

Hey guys, I'm feeling a little bit in a depressive state and while this is rambling (and perhaps not a full explanation of my situation to understand me) maybe you guys can help me out. I finished my degree in Computer Information Systems (which I greatly despise now) a few weeks ago, and am transferring to another college, and while I believe I'm moving to something I find more meaning with (helping people, so perhaps social work or counseling or something), and that's all well and good. The problem I have however is I have lots of social anxiety, so I have a hard time getting the initiative to do things or to really mingle with things. This anxiety is rather bad, and one of the reasons why I've never had any work experience that paid (I've done freelance writing and if I didn't transfer out to another college, I was ready to offer my services as a hospice care aid). I guess what I'd like to ask is how can I overcome it? I sort of feel like a failure at 22 and no solid paying work experience, but a lot of it has to do with me being an introvert due to anxiety, as well as many other traumas in my life that made me shut off parts of the world around me. I'm not looking for something to get rich off of in my life, as I just want to do something where I know I'm helping others, and I've been frustrated because outside of transferring and changing my degree towards that field, I can't figure out any ropes around me to start helping others in. The types of work around me are something like retail, and I don't want to have a life where what I do is a void of what I'd like to be doing instead. If I'm doing something for money, I don't want money to be the reason I'm doing it, as I think that misses the point entirely. I'd like to find a channel where my labors have some result other than what I would equate worthless, disposable work. I have no major obligations so I suppose I'm a little lucky that I'm still in the figuring out phases, but I wish I was able to start putting it into practice.

I'd also like to apologize if any of this sounds like I'm acting as an entitled person or if I want stuff handed to me. The past year or so has been hell and I've become a better person with a better focus on what I want to do, as my troubles are really finding some niche that works for me. I'm getting a little tired that my steps in going in this direction seem like little hurdles, and because of my age and lack of expertise with this kind of stuff, I feel like an inferior person to others. I'd be willing to talk to anyone one on one about the various experiences I've had in my life that make me feel like I'm in a rough place in hopes that there's clarity and not a baseless assumption that I'm just lazy. It's just things are moving very slowly, and I've gotten very tired of what seems like a slow waiting game. I know and acknowledge there are others that have it worse than me, but I do wish that I was in a better place with noticeable windows for what I'd like to do. I may have a direction, but it's a very foggy one with very little guidance.

 

[Bagels]

It sounds like you've got more figured out than you think. You're in a pretty good place for being 22!

Shoot me a PM. There are plenty of options for meds, therapy, both, neither.

 

[xelios]

.

 

[CornBurrito]

Neojubie, did you ever look into ECT?

 

[Out of Working Order]

Neojubei, I identify with you somewhat. I am not in a job dealing with complaints, but my job is so mudane/repetitive and boring, it also gets me down. I am still stuck at home, while my friend and brother both have girlfriends, and are looking to move into their own homes.

Women show no interest in me whatsoever, and I am quite thin. Never had a girlfriend, and I go through incredible bouts of jealousy/frustration/anger, and it's beginning to feel like it's taking over my life. It never used to bother me, but in the last couple of years it's really brought me down, and a large part of my thinking time is taken up by it. I have no friends to go out with, and I've always been a loner. I hate it.

Lose that weight. It sounds like you have a more interesting personality than me, because you have friends. The weight might be the only barrier for you finding a partner - you have to try losing it. Quitting your job and finding another also sounds like an essential change for you to make.

The difference between me and you is nobody wants to spend time with me outside of work. Even at work, people choose to work with others, and my conversations are short, unsatisfying, and stilted. I can sense people feel awkward around me. As I go about my work, I often catch glimpses of women talking and laughing with other guys, and I often wonder why that never happens for me. I always feel alone and invisible.

I am working out how the hell I can get past this. I don't know about my lonliness, but I am hoping I can perhaps make money from my art at some point. Then perhaps I can quit my damned shitty job. So for now my efforts will be focused on developing my art. I recently got a book full of tips, and I am finding that to be very helpful. Keeps my mind on something positive, at least.

 

[2AdEPT]

I didn't take it as sarcasm at ll. No worries there. I was wondering about your writing style, where you....use lot of periods to break things up.....like this. Are you trying to capture the way you think......or the way you speak? Or something else? It's just interesting, that's all.

Thanks for contributing to the thread! It's good to have lots of different perspectives in here.

Yep, trying to be more conversational...also shows my true delivery which is scatterred into synaptic mental groupings......If you read my 90% term papers you wouldnot recognize methe resll person.....also I hate formality depsite I know its necessity t times...Take no offence GAF!!!!!

 

[Drealmcc0y]

Anyone else think neojubei killed himself?

 

[2AdEPT]

I need to get back out on the dating scene...but being an introvert, having low self-esteem, and having slight social anxiety really kills the deal at times. I keep overthinking and shoot myself down on situations. For the most part, can pump myself up (lol) and be confident (even if I am nervous) on other stuff but with girls...yea LOL. Anyway I can snap out of this? My past relationships have made me timid towards relationships. :/

Like right now, I am overthinking about telling one of my friends that I like them. Afraid that it might ruin the friendship. Bah, its been driving me crazy these past few weeks.

On the brightside, I think I am slowing easing out of my depression.

I used to have a mild form of this...but with the advent of dating sites (paid ones are better if you can afford it) I set up three dates for myself in one week (more than I had the last thrree years previous) and got shot down three times....but helped me get in the game and continue to practie meeting cold...by the time I met my eventual wife I was joking around with a strangger as if I knew them a long time....no more anxiety...probably eight or so cold dates 6 months in. Use your compter skills to narrow your search to those that will probably give ou a shot, or a little higher....you can rise to their level that way and not have to be a ditch ppig....but don't be unrelistic either...you will get the hang of it....take all the no's as a learnign experience. I did turn down the only date that wanted friends with benfits as that was not what I was looking for...despite not having sex in a long time......really helped my confidence. MOst important is to not thinkit s such a big deal and start idealizing pictures of people you meet online unilt you have had enough dates to be serious....pressure is wht makes you anxious...all you are doing is meeting people....if you are told you re not compatible, and/or worse rudely shot down....just hone your skills....it will happen eventually..try different approaches though.

With the friend....it may actually cause your friendship to be different...but jsut being honest in that you don't want it to cause an issue and finding out how they feel may actually expand it with the right person.....sorry its hard ot jnow without meeting this person yourself. With social anxiety though more times i failed because I didn't do something, getting turned down was never that big a deal despite me avoiding saying anythign most of thetime. I also tried too hard and was too wild and crazy at times in order ot to do teh "opposite" of nothing...which was less fail but still didn't work in establishing an "intimate" partnership above friends...still friends with one girl who turned donw my crazy engagement idea...so go for it as opposed to nothing...butlearn over time how to be gradual and take things at the right timing.

Really does help to get ot of your depression first...I got out of it by dating internet contacts, but blew out a llot of them as I wasnt fully healed yet...catch 22 I guess.

Anyone else think neojubei killed himself?

By "anyone else" you seem to imply that you do think he did it....its possible...but not probable based on the several posts I ahve read....taking complaints for a living is a tough bracket and it sounds like he may have quit....which may actually ahve positive effects......just specualting though...hope he did not.

 

[pje122]

Anyone else think neojubei killed himself?

Not a chance...

 

[Surface of Me]

Neojubei, I identify with you somewhat. I am not in a job dealing with complaints, but my job is so mudane/repetitive and boring, it also gets me down. I am still stuck at home, while my friend and brother both have girlfriends, and are looking to move into their own homes.

Women show no interest in me whatsoever, and I am quite thin. Never had a girlfriend, and I go through incredible bouts of jealousy/frustration/anger, and it's beginning to feel like it's taking over my life. It never used to bother me, but in the last couple of years it's really brought me down, and a large part of my thinking time is taken up by it. I have no friends to go out with, and I've always been a loner. I hate it.

Lose that weight. It sounds like you have a more interesting personality than me, because you have friends. The weight might be the only barrier for you finding a partner - you have to try losing it. Quitting your job and finding another also sounds like an essential change for you to make.

The difference between me and you is nobody wants to spend time with me outside of work. Even at work, people choose to work with others, and my conversations are short, unsatisfying, and stilted. I can sense people feel awkward around me. As I go about my work, I often catch glimpses of women talking and laughing with other guys, and I often wonder why that never happens for me. I always feel alone and invisible.

I am working out how the hell I can get past this. I don't know about my lonliness, but I am hoping I can perhaps make money from my art at some point. Then perhaps I can quit my damned shitty job. So for now my efforts will be focused on developing my art. I recently got a book full of tips, and I am finding that to be very helpful. Keeps my mind on something positive, at least.

I can empathize with the first part of your post greatly. I've never had a girlfriend either, and sometimes it does get to me a lot. A girl led me on for over a month recently and then broke my heart to top that off. Thought I finally found someone. I have huge self esteem problems because of this and because of some other things, which really only makes stuff worse. It's really hard for me to put myself out there, even though I want to try and people tell me that I could probably easily get a girl with my personality.

I'm starting to work out again, I just kept making up excuses the past few weeks and skipped out, luckily I stabilized my weight where I last left off. Hopefully that will help. My job isn't too bad, it's retail, but I really like the people I work with.

 

[Trigunner]

Anyone else think neojubei killed himself?

I'll eat the twelve cans of tuna in my pantry, in one sitting, if he goes through with it before I do.

 

[Freeza Under The Shower]

You guys really are saying all the wrong things.

Words DO hurt (that is the whole point of language: to excite a somatic response in another being), and passive-aggressive responses are the best way to keep someone depressed.

Mostly from people we care about though. Maybe being fired from his current job might actually be a good thing, if he had a horrible boss.

 

[mooooose]

Fuck anyone saying it's easy to be happy and have good things (relationships, money, SECURITY) in your life if you "work hard". Of course if you work hard you will find happiness. But when you are CLINICALLY DEPRESSED, it's fucking hard to wake up and move. Everything, EVERYTHING, is a fucking chore. It's easy to fucking say get out of bed and get a job and make friends and work hard and you will be happy from the top of whatever horse you're on, but just because someone is DEPRESSED, DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE FUCKING STUPID. OF COURSE, if you work hard you'll be happy. THE WORK ISN'T THE PROBLEM. It's a MENTAL block that leaves you in misery.

Fuck anyone that can't understand that shit. You lack empathy and are fucking stupid. I've heard this shit a ton in my life from a bunch of people who swept their own problems under the rug, and were either: abused, successful and depressed, or unsuccessful and depressed. The key thing between all of them was that none of them could admit it.

So if Neojubei is dead partly because of some dumb fuck in here, fuck you and your hard work dickhead.

Neojubei, I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. I hope you make the right decision.

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

I hope neojubei went to his therapist, and I hope his therapist recognized the seriousness of the situation and had neojubei taken to the hospital for a psych eval to possibly be committed for a week or so.

Every time I visit this thread, I see him saying the same things again and again, seemingly incapable of doing anything to help himself in spite of much encouragement and offers of assistance. I think he has been making himself feel worse by posting here (and perhaps elsewhere). He keeps reinforcing all his negative thoughts while looking for validation from others. If he gets positive validation, he feels better temporarily before crashing again... and then he is back for more, which exhausts people who have tried to help them. If he doesn't get it, it reinforces how much he hates himself. And so on.

It would do him a lot of good if he could stay in a hospital for a week or so where his days would be regimented and filled with interaction and activites. When you are in a steep downward spiral, it generally takes some outside help to improve things. I know he has said medication hasn't worked in the past, but there are a lot of options available, and I would be surprised if his doctors did not try to put him on something. That is another advantage of being in the hospital: they can test run a drug or two on him and see how the side effects are without him having to stick with it for several weeks until his next appointment. He will be seeing doctors and nurses daily. So that is where I hope he will be for awhile.

Fuck anyone that can't understand that shit. You lack empathy and are fucking stupid. I've heard this shit a ton in my life from a bunch of people who swept their own problems under the rug, and were either: abused, successful and depressed, or unsuccessful and depressed. The key thing between all of them was that none of them could admit it.

I think it is impossible to fully empathize or understand what a depressed person is going through, even if you have personally experienced it. The illogical and unhealthy mind of a depressed person makes no sense to someone not currently depressed... and if you've never been depressed before, you will never understand no matter how well you know the science or symptoms of depression. I am quite happy to say I do not understand the depressed mind right now!

e: neojubei, if you aren't at the hospital, go now.

 

[bitoriginal]

I hope neojubei went to his therapist, and I hope his therapist recognized the seriousness of the situation and had neojubei taken to the hospital for a psych eval to possibly be committed for a week or so.

Every time I visit this thread, I see him saying the same things again and again, seemingly incapable of doing anything to help himself in spite of much encouragement and offers of assistance. I think he has been making himself feel worse by posting here (and perhaps elsewhere). He keeps reinforcing all his negative thoughts while looking for validation from others. If he gets positive validation, he feels better temporarily before crashing again... and then he is back for more, which exhausts people who have tried to help them. If he doesn't get it, it reinforces how much he hates himself. And so on.

It would do him a lot of good if he could stay in a hospital for a week or so where his days would be regimented and filled with interaction and activites. When you are in a steep downward spiral, it generally takes some outside help to improve things. I know he has said medication hasn't worked in the past, but there are a lot of options available, and I would be surprised if his doctors did not try to put him on something. That is another advantage of being in the hospital: they can test run a drug or two on him and see how the side effects are without him having to stick with it for several weeks until his next appointment. He will be seeing doctors and nurses daily. So that is where I hope he will be for awhile.


I think it is impossible to fully empathize or understand what a depressed person is going through, even if you have personally experienced it. The illogical and unhealthy mind of a depressed person makes no sense to someone not currently depressed... and if you've never been depressed before, you will never understand no matter how well you know the science or symptoms of depression. I am quite happy to say I do not understand the depressed mind right now!

e: neojubei, if you aren't at the hospital, go now.

Just popped in this thread, and damn, this is an excellent post.

 

[heidern]

I'm not looking for something to get rich off of in my life, as I just want to do something where I know I'm helping others, and I've been frustrated because outside of transferring and changing my degree towards that field, I can't figure out any ropes around me to start helping others in.

Well, maybe I'm stating the obvious but... transfer your degree...
End result, 5 years of you having fun investing in your future, followed by 40 years of you following a fulfilling career doing what you want to do(helping people).
Any years you think you've "wasted", write them off as "sunk costs". Overall you are in a great position in life. Shoot me a pm if you want.