Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Why is everyone telling me that these days? Not just people on Gaf either. I don't really like the idea of "talking to someone else" about anything either, not really appealing to me, and I'm just not really fond of the notion.

People keep telling you that because it's bloody obvious. For real man...check out the depression thread, give a read, get some input. No one likes talking to anyone or admitting that they might have a problem, but speaking as someone that has had to get a grip on a few things in life, it's worth making a call.
 
Why is everyone telling me that these days? Not just people on Gaf either. I don't really like the idea of "talking to someone else" about anything either, not really appealing to me, and I'm just not really fond of the notion.

Izick: "I need help."
GAF: "Here's some advice."
Izick: "I don't like that."
GAF: "uh, ok?"
Izick: "I need help."
GAF: "uh...here's some advice..."
Izick: "I don't like that."
GAF: "..."
Izick: "....I need help."

Really bro?
 
I didn't say I didn't like it, I just said I've tried all this stuff and it has all failed. You don't think I've tried all this stuff? I've tried "bettering myself," I've tried to be more positive and optimistic, even though I always feigned that when out with others, I used to be fit a few weeks ago, I've tried it all.
 
I didn't say I didn't like it, I just said I've tried all this stuff and it has all failed. You don't think I've tried all this stuff? I've tried "bettering myself," I've tried to be more positive and optimistic, even though I always feigned that when out with others, I used to be fit a few weeks ago, I've tried it all.

"Tried bettering myself", "tried being more positive", how do you even consciously try something like this? You either feel good or you don't. You can't sit in your head and think "I should be feeling good right now, I should feel more positive right now, I should..." you just do stuff that makes you feel good. Not make you THINK it feels good but MAKES YOU FEEL.
When I play video games with my friends and we are enjoying ourselves, I don't sit there consciously thinking "I am enjoying myself" I just feel good about it.
Do what makes you feel good, do what you enjoy.
Less thinking, more feeling.

The above is of course written under the assumptions that you do not have some kind of medical depression.
 
"Tried bettering myself", "tried being more positive", how do you even consciously try something like this? You either feel good or you don't. You can't sit in your head and think "I should be feeling good right now, I should feel more positive right now, I should..." you just do stuff that makes you feel good. Not make you THINK it feels good but MAKES YOU FEEL.
When I play video games with my friends and we are enjoying ourselves, I don't sit there consciously thinking "I am enjoying myself" I just feel good about it.
Do what makes you feel good, do what you enjoy.
Less thinking, more feeling.

The above is of course written under the assumptions that you do not have some kind of medical depression.

Working out and video games were the last two things I had that I really enjoyed, and those are gone. I mean, besides that I like hanging out with my friends, but since they're off to other colleges and places, I really don't see them that much anymore.
 
Don't quite understand how being upset about being led on for a month and a half, only to be told some bullshit excuse about why we can't be together constitutes me being "a little girl" about it. If you didn't want to be together, just fucking say it. Don't give me the fucking run around and then have the audacity to say that I'm being "a little girl about it".

Her reasons for just wanting to be friends: "I have health issues that I'm dealing with". Yet she goes out and parties and does drugs. So I'm going to assume, since she wouldn't tell me, that she has the herps, or any other fun std, to which I say that I'm glad I dodged that bullet.

Ah well. She deleted me from facebook, told me to fuck off. So that's all done. Delete facebook/hit the gym, etc.
 
Working out and video games were the last two things I had that I really enjoyed, and those are gone. I mean, besides that I like hanging out with my friends, but since they're off to other colleges and places, I really don't see them that much anymore.

Make some friends where you are that you can hang out with more often. I'm not saying to dump your old ones, but you need a support system near you. I'm also gonna repeat what other people have said to tell you to go see someone about depression.
 
Don't even know when I could, I don't really see people outside of class. I would always just go to class, go to the gym, and then commute back home. I don't know if I need more friends anyway, I've been alright the past year without hanging out with any that much.
 
I'm tired of seeing girls I like, and that I connect with on a personal level, and then I don't have the guts to even try and attempt to do anything from there. I'm tired of seeing fucking idiots, assholes, and douchebags get with smart, attractive women because they are some dumb fucking pretty boy asshat. And it's not like it's really the woman's fault at all, because if I'm not attractive, then I'm not attractive, but that doesn't change the fact that it's frustrating as hell to do this shit every single fucking day, over and over again like some shitty movie or something and see the same fucking ending over and over.

You know what these "idiots, assholes, and douchebags" do that you don't? Approach women. Seriously all of them have something we call confidence. Something we've been spouting since the beginning of this thread. You don't need to be a jerk to have confidence. I am a perfectly nice guy, but I'm confident in myself.

Why is everyone telling me that these days? Not just people on Gaf either. I don't really like the idea of "talking to someone else" about anything either, not really appealing to me, and I'm just not really fond of the notion.
Then why are you here? What do you consider what you're doing right now? Or do you consider GAF a faceless entity. Actually that would explain a lot of things about how you're acting here.

You probably think you do a good job of hiding your insecurities in real life, but it's hard to hide what you really are. People's first impression of me is that I am shy and quiet when I try my damnest not to be. Your body language, your voice, everything carries over. If what you post here is any indication, it's not fun to talk to you. I'm just trying to be honest, but you're seriously a debbie downer. But I've been there before. Many people here has been there before. It's not attractive. You're pretty young now.. but the older you get, the harder it'll be to dig out of that hole you dug for yourself.
 
Don't quite understand how being upset about being led on for a month and a half, only to be told some bullshit excuse about why we can't be together constitutes me being "a little girl" about it. If you didn't want to be together, just fucking say it. Don't give me the fucking run around and then have the audacity to say that I'm being "a little girl about it".

Her reasons for just wanting to be friends: "I have health issues that I'm dealing with". Yet she goes out and parties and does drugs. So I'm going to assume, since she wouldn't tell me, that she has the herps, or any other fun std, to which I say that I'm glad I dodged that bullet.

Ah well. She deleted me from facebook, told me to fuck off. So that's all done. Delete facebook/hit the gym, etc.

No, it sounds like an apt description.

lol at you trying to determine the veracity of her medical claims.

Never dig into excuses. You already got your "no."

Bonus lol for the sour grapes.
 
You know what these "idiots, assholes, and douchebags" do that you don't? Approach women. Seriously all of them have something we call confidence. Something we've been spouting since the beginning of this thread. You don't need to be a jerk to have confidence. I am a perfectly nice guy, but I'm confident in myself.


Then why are you here? What do you consider what you're doing right now? Or do you consider GAF a faceless entity. Actually that would explain a lot of things about how you're acting here.

You probably think you do a good job of hiding your insecurities in real life, but it's hard to hide what you really are. People's first impression of me is that I am shy and quiet when I try my damnest not to be. Your body language, your voice, everything carries over. If what you post here is any indication, it's not fun to talk to you. I'm just trying to be honest, but you're seriously a debbie downer. But I've been there before. Many people here has been there before. It's not attractive. You're pretty young now.. but the older you get, the harder it'll be to dig out of that hole you dug for yourself.

People told me I was always funny, outgoing, and fun to be around with though, and it was true because I always was. Just because I don't like stuff, or don't feel great about things, or feel like shit doesn't mean I tell anybody about that, or they can secretly pick up on that stuff in any way. That's not true.

Izick, from all the things you have done before, what is, right now, the thing you would REALLY like to do again?

Honestly, I couldn't tell you. It would be nice to work out again I guess, but I'm not sure if I want to, or if I should. Besides that, not really anything comes to mind.
 
People told me I was always funny, outgoing, and fun to be around with though, and it was true because I always was. Just because I don't like stuff, or don't feel great about things, or feel like shit doesn't mean I tell anybody about that, or they can secretly pick up on that stuff in any way. That's not true.



Honestly, I couldn't tell you. It would be nice to work out again I guess, but I'm not sure if I want to, or if I should. Besides that, not really anything comes to mind.

Bro, you seem depressed.
Like, the actual depression thing.

If you really can't come up with ANYTHING you can enjoy, then I think you should get help.
 
No, it sounds like an apt description.

lol at you trying to determine the veracity of her medical claims.

Never dig into excuses. You already got your "no."

Bonus lol for the sour grapes.

Well the only issue was she kept changing her story. The final one I got was the health thing so I know it's all bullshit. How fucking hard is it to just say "no" instead of 5 different stories. It wasn't even me digging for anything. She would say one thing to me, then come back, tell me she missed talking and seeing me, then she's say something else about why it wouldn't work right now. I had already backed off and given up after the first time, so she kept coming back with different things and piqued my curiosity.

Sour grapes or not, fuck it. I don't take too kindly to being used and led on. That's what I'm pissed about. And maybe I am a bit of a vindictive person, but at least I got her to feel like shit, so mission accomplished? I always let myself get walked over, so I figured it was time for me to stop letting women do that.
 
I'm not that, I'm just in a slump is all. Ever since I got hurt or whatever, I haven't felt well. I haven't eaten as much and I'm always tired; it's probably because I haven't been working out or anything is the likely culprit.

Btw Izick, you ever get laid, son?

Why does that matter?
 
Well the only issue was she kept changing her story. The final one I got was the health thing so I know it's all bullshit. How fucking hard is it to just say "no" instead of 5 different stories. It wasn't even me digging for anything. She would say one thing to me, then come back, tell me she missed talking and seeing me, then she's say something else about why it wouldn't work right now. I had already backed off and given up after the first time, so she kept coming back with different things and piqued my curiosity.

Sour grapes or not, fuck it. I don't take too kindly to being used and led on. That's what I'm pissed about. And maybe I am a bit of a vindictive person, but at least I got her to feel like shit, so mission accomplished? I always let myself get walked over, so I figured it was time for me to stop letting women do that.


always go by a woman's actions. I don't care what women say anymore.
 
You did it to yourself.

Why let her make a fool of you more than once?

Well that's assuming I let her. After she told me "not right now" I backed off and cut contact. She'd then come back, then explain something else, and I'd continue doing the same thing.

Either way, yes, I know I fucked up a bit on my end. and I'm not going to complain about that. What's done is done. Unfortunately I overlooked the whole her being 19 thing, with her still having a strong attachment to the whole idea of highschool, so I got caught up in the whole high school girl bullshit.

Live and learn I guess.

*shrug*

at least this place is good for realtalk. I get to vent, you guys pick out why I'm an idiot, and I learn from my own idiocy.
 
I'm not that, I'm just in a slump is all. Ever since I got hurt or whatever, I haven't felt well. I haven't eaten as much and I'm always tired; it's probably because I haven't been working out or anything is the likely culprit.



Why does that matter?

Because if you are a virgin, you are probably putting the whole "getting laid" thing on an even higher pedestal than if you were not. Too many people who haven't had sex imagine it like this absolutely amazing,life changing event when in reality it really doesn't live up to that.
Sure it can be good, but it's definitely not something you should tailor your entire life towards.
 
I really need to learn how to play it cooler after a date...fock me. I may have slightly redeemed a situation though.

I need one of those gmail puzzle things that stops you from emailing people when drunk...except for sms, and when you're drunk on someone else romantically.
 
Hey GAF, so I'm meeting up with this girl quite a lot now and we're kinda seeing each other but its not exclusive yet, the thing is I'm going travelling in a few weeks for around a month, is it better i keep it how it is now and wait till I'm back before we make a decision or not?
 
Because if you are a virgin, you are probably putting the whole "getting laid" thing on an even higher pedestal than if you were not. Too many people who haven't had sex imagine it like this absolutely amazing,life changing event when in reality it really doesn't live up to that.
Sure it can be good, but it's definitely not something you should tailor your entire life towards.

It's not like that, don't worry.
 
Let me ask you this though. Do people ridicule you over any of your physical attributes or your personality? Have you been called anything unfavorable recently?

No, not really. I remember one girl back in high school said "yeah, you're real hot," which stung, but to be fair, I did make fun of her for being an airhead. That's not really recent though...that's about it though.
 
Man, the guy looks totally normal. He's not posting a picture cause he doesn't want to destroy his whole story by looking like a totally normal, average dude.
He wants to keep the mystery alive!

Edit: I take it she said it in a sarcastic way? Who gives a fuck about what highschoolers think?
 
Posted this days ago but it bares repeating:

I don't know what to do about the spiral of self-pity thing though.

I'm just saying I've attempted a lot of it, and have gone nowhere at all. It's frustrating.

Get into therapy. The sooner the better.

Seriously man. You need therapy. Make an appointment with a psychotherapist. I'd suggest one that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. Until then, nothing anything you can do, say or have people tell you is going to work.

Now back to our regularly scheduled roller coaster.
 
No, not really. I remember one girl back in high school said "yeah, you're real hot," which stung, but to be fair, I did make fun of her for being an airhead. That's not really recent though...that's about it though.

I don't know man. You probably know at least a little about me from reading this thread so you know I'm very sympathetic to your situation but it seems like you have no real reason to feel this way unless you're not telling us everything. You haven't gotten any negative or positive reactions so it's all in your head right now. I mean yeah rejection sucks but it is a risk/reward kind of thing and even the best go through it.

Sure it would be cool if girls came onto you instead of the other way around but that doesn't work for guys like us (I'm assuming you really are unattractive like myself) so you got a choice to make.
 
I don't know man. You probably know at least a little about me from reading this thread so you know I'm very sympathetic to your situation but it seems like you have no real reason to feel this way unless you're not telling us everything. You haven't gotten any negative or positive reactions so it's all in your head right now. I mean yeah rejection sucks but it is a risk/reward kind of thing and even the best go through it.

Sure it would be cool if girls came onto you instead of the other way around but that doesn't work for guys like us (I'm assuming you really are unattractive like myself) so you got a choice to make.

You mean "that doesn't really work for 95% of guys" right?
 
Sure it would be cool if girls came onto you instead of the other way around but that doesn't work for guys like us (I'm assuming you really are unattractive like myself) so you got a choice to make.

1) That assumption is toxic, both of you. Ugly is never about physical appearance unless you legitimately have something wrong...it's about outlook and attitude. The fact (fact) that you're in here posting and trying to chip in there Midnights...it's not ugly.

2) Girls will not come onto you unless you're like...Michael Fassbender or something. Only twice has a girl come onto me. Twice, and I'm 32.
 
Btw, I from now on propose that it be a rule that if you run around saying how "ugly" and "unattractive" you are, you HAVE to post a picture or you get banned from saying that ever again.

You guys are way too full of fear. Fear about being ugly, fear about posting your pic, fear about rejection.
You're on the goddamn Internet! You can do whatever you want here. Stop it with the fear, the angst and just do something. Do you really give a shit about what I'd think about the way you look like? Honestly, tell me you can sit there, in front of your computer and honestly say "I care about Klyka's opinion on my looks.".
Take a step forward, post your pics and read our opinions.
Do you think we are just going to post "lolz, you're ugly bro, no chance to help,kill yourself"???
Of fucking course not. Even if we DO say "yes, you are not that attractive" you know what we'll do in the same breath? Offer some advice and ideas on how to improve your situation!

So stop moping around like little fat princesses who had their cake denied and instead throw yourself out here and accept the "Horrifying opinions of strangers on the Internet".
Or maybe stop listening to hip-hop, I don't know.

Peace out.
 
Also Midnights I would suggest the same for you.

Seriously this thread is really no longer about dating. It's a collective self-pity disaster with people loathing in their own depleting mental health. Some of you guys are seriously depressed or have clinical issues. At the very least - I suggest using this thread to gain further insight..

The unfortunate caveat is that most of don't even really realize what you're going through. You think you're being logical. Having low self esteem and hating your body or face is not logical. I mean for christ sake - days ago there was talk about plastic surgery. These thoughts and actions are not normal or rational behaviors. You could buy new clothes or go to the gym everyday of your life. Until you talk to a professional to understand and educate yourself on why you're feeling the way that you do - it's putting band-aids over deep wounds.

Nothing will ever be fixed until you admit and act on receiving professional help. Get help, grow up and lets please get back to this threads purpose - which is talking about and lending advice regarding actual dating.
 
Also Midnights I would suggest the same for you.

Seriously this thread is really no longer about dating. It's a collective self-pity disaster with people loathing in their own depleting mental health. Some of you guys are seriously depressed or have clinical issues. At the very least - I suggest using this thread to gain further insight..

The unfortunate caveat is that most of don't even really realize what you're going through. You think you're being logical. Having low self esteem and hating your body or face is not logical. I mean for christ sake - days ago there was talk about plastic surgery. These thoughts and actions are not normal or rational behaviors. You could buy new clothes or go to the gym everyday of your life. Until you talk to a professional to understand and educate yourself on why you're feeling the way that you do - it's putting band-aids over deep wounds.

Nothing will ever be fixed until you admit and act on receiving professional help. Get help, grow up and lets get back to talking about and dishing out advice regarding dating.

epicbrofist.gif
 
1) That assumption is toxic, both of you. Ugly is never about physical appearance unless you legitimately have something wrong...it's about outlook and attitude. The fact (fact) that you're in here posting and trying to chip in there Midnights...it's not ugly.

2) Girls will not come onto you unless you're like...Michael Fassbender or something. Only twice has a girl come onto me. Twice, and I'm 32.

Btw, I from now on propose that it be a rule that if you run around saying how "ugly" and "unattractive" you are, you HAVE to post a picture or you get banned from saying that ever again.

You guys are way too full of fear. Fear about being ugly, fear about posting your pic, fear about rejection.
You're on the goddamn Internet! You can do whatever you want here. Stop it with the fear, the angst and just do something. Do you really give a shit about what I'd think about the way you look like? Honestly, tell me you can sit there, in front of your computer and honestly say "I care about Klyka's opinion on my looks.".
Take a step forward, post your pics and read our opinions.
Do you think we are just going to post "lolz, you're ugly bro, no chance to help,kill yourself"???
Of fucking course not. Even if we DO say "yes, you are not that attractive" you know what we'll do in the same breath? Offer some advice and ideas on how to improve your situation!

So stop moping around like little fat princesses who had their cake denied and instead throw yourself out here and accept the "Horrifying opinions of strangers on the Internet".
Or maybe stop listening to hip-hop, I don't know.

Peace out.

Also Midnights I would suggest the same for you.

Seriously this thread is really no longer about dating. It's a collective self-pity disaster with people loathing in their own depleting mental health. Some of you guys are seriously depressed or have clinical issues. At the very least - I suggest using this thread to gain further insight..

The unfortunate caveat is that most of don't even really realize what you're going through. You think you're being logical. Having low self esteem and hating your body or face is not logical. I mean for christ sake - days ago there was talk about plastic surgery. These thoughts and actions are not normal or rational behaviors. You could buy new clothes or go to the gym everyday of your life. Until you talk to a professional to understand and educate yourself on why you're feeling the way that you do - it's putting band-aids over deep wounds.

Nothing will ever be fixed until you admit and act on receiving professional help. Get help, grow up and lets please get back to this threads purpose - which is talking about and lending advice regarding actual dating.

I would post pics all day if I didn't know people IRL that visit these boards and would love to hear some of these things about me so they can give me a hard time about it (yes people like this still exist in case you guys forgot). Also you should realize that anyone can make themselves look way better or way worse in a single picture depending on lighting/angles so it's not a fair representation. What I do know is I've had people recently call me a 2/10, tell me I look like I'm wasting away, make fun of various physical features of mine, tell me I got a weird voice and so on. I'm either the real deal or I have been unfortunate enough to be around all these types of people who would think I'm ugly my entire life.
 
You just told me a picture of you would not be a fair representation.
Seriously?
Seriously?

Get.

The fuck.

Out.

Take a trip over to the Lindsay Lohan thread and you will get the idea. Her looks change dramatically from picture to picture. Anyways I'm gonna take a break from this thread. I feel like I'm gonna get banned for derailing it if we continue this back and forth.
 
Take a trip over to the Lindsay Lohan thread and you will get the idea. Her looks change dramatically from picture to picture. Anyways I'm gonna take a break from this thread. I feel like I'm gonna get banned for derailing it if we continue this back and forth.

So you, being interested in valid, neutral opinions, would obviously NOT specifically choose a picture/pictures that properly represent what you currently look like.
Cause, you know, you are like Lindsay Lohan with all those pictures of the different news agency and such.
Yeah, right.

Send me a pic to my PM.
 
No, not really. I remember one girl back in high school said "yeah, you're real hot," which stung, but to be fair, I did make fun of her for being an airhead. That's not really recent though...that's about it though.
I've been called far worse, far worse.

Even during college in my 2nd year I was called something which fucked my confidence up for 2 years.
 
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