A person with a child like attitude.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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A person with a child like attitude.
This was my first thought.
Although, that's the nice thing about online dating. Like scotcheggz said, nothing to lose. You can continue the convo and if red flags start to appear, bail out. Personally, a message like that would be deleted by me instantly though lol.
I got the same the same type of message as Tess from a chick a few days ago. Apparently she said that she could only see me as a friend after seeing a Youtube video of me that I had on my profile (which I deleted after that message; I realized it made me look immature).
The guys at the OKCupid thread were all saying the same thing as you. They told me not to pursue it and tell her that I have plenty of friends. It is stupid though I agree; why automatically befriend a guy when you haven't even met in person?
It's funny how some of the guys in the OKC thread post in this thread and vice versa when they're both essentially the same thing. The only difference being that the former is focused on online dating and this thread being about everything. I suppose it's a companion thread to it.
Her being on a dating site is the first red flag.
now that is childlike attitude. I lot of people live in job/home/established circle of friends rhythm and don't like bars and other places where people gather. They go to dating sites, many women included.
So you think avoiding direct social interaction is a normal thing.
FallingEdge
Member
lol.
So people who join dating sites are ones who avoid social interaction? Yes, that must be it.
I think it's an assumption with merit.
what social interaction? The girl spends 4 hours per day on the road because she works in another city (it's not US so you can't move closer to work that easily or rent a flat which wouldn't cost you a sizeable chunk of salary), starts at 9 am, finishes at 7 pm, attends a driving school on the weekend, doesn't drink at all, have 2-3 friends she can spend her time with. They know each other from the university. What social interaction do you suggest? The one which occurs in the parallel universe where there are 48 hours in a day?
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Don't most people go on dating sites to hopefully, oh I don't know, get dates (i.e. have romantic social interactions)?
There's an okcupid app, she could have had push updates to her mobile...
You in therapy?
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
This break up I'm going through is just confusing the hell out of me. She tells me she loves me still... Tells me she would want to try again in a few months.
But I tell her things can improve now... things don't have to wait, and she says she needs time.
Just last week she was asking me to come over nearly every night. I don't know how she could change so quickly.
Edit: I asked if she wanted to see The Dark Knight with me and she said "we meet at the theater and we're only friends," then asked if I was lying about nobody else wanting to go (I'm not) in order to see her.
Is that mean? It felt hurtful.
But I tell her things can improve now... things don't have to wait, and she says she needs time.
Just last week she was asking me to come over nearly every night. I don't know how she could change so quickly.
Edit: I asked if she wanted to see The Dark Knight with me and she said "we meet at the theater and we're only friends," then asked if I was lying about nobody else wanting to go (I'm not) in order to see her.
Is that mean? It felt hurtful.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Move on dude, she's playing with your head and you don't deserve that. You will find someone better and she's definitley going to hurt you again on the way she is treating you. I think she is being very selfish and self centred on how she is acting in this situation.
Dude, move on.
Hey GAF
Just had my girlfriend of 6 months break up with me over a text message.
First break up for me that was not mutual or was forced due to moving away.
It fucking sucks and I am really upset and feel like shit right now.
I guess any comments would be appreciated... Just want to share as it will hopefully make me feel a bit better. I cannot imagine what it is like for people who have been dating for multiple years.
Just had my girlfriend of 6 months break up with me over a text message.
First break up for me that was not mutual or was forced due to moving away.
It fucking sucks and I am really upset and feel like shit right now.
I guess any comments would be appreciated... Just want to share as it will hopefully make me feel a bit better. I cannot imagine what it is like for people who have been dating for multiple years.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Cheer up man there's plenty of women out there for you and it was only six months. That's a cake walk when compare to how worst it could have ended if it was in years. Spend time with your friends/family and do some things that make you feel better with the hobbies or enterainment you enjoy. Heck do some things that could improve on yourself now that you have more time so it can be used for the next time. Don't rush things though, take it in a pace you feel happy with and not feel alone. There's always more people out there for you
She doesn't love you anymore, and until you come to grips with that, you won't be able to begin to move on.
Yeah, listen to the
oh my god
I need to get back to Bart avatar. Actually I have a better idea...
Fair Trial
Member
Showing that you are ready to do everything to make the relationship work will only push her away further more, stop actively trying to win her back, go no contact and act cool, it's the only way.
Throttle back turbo. So you feel that this person who has no time for social interaction has time for dating? I'm talking about those people who use online dating as their primary source for dating. Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you can't go out and socialize. I go to events where drinking is all the time most of them I don't drink at. In any case there is a reason this someone is dating online and most of them are red flag reasons. PS I wasn't ripping on you. I think online dating is a good way to get laid. Interaction though through online dating should be taken with a grain of salt.
That is a instances when texting is not okay. Hangout with some friends this weekend and bitch about her the entire time and follow up with some good healthy wallowing on all day Sunday and treat yourself to something nice, yet reasonable.
yes, this person had time for dating. What is so called socializing you are talking about? What if all your friends are married/have BF/GFs and spend most of their time together and don't go out? Have you tried going to clubs alone and sober on a regular basis? It's boring and miserable experience.
Howard Ballou
Member
Man, this is no good. Agree with the others, move on with your life. Go do some stuff you haven't had the time for. There's still plenty of summer left, have some fun.
I would call those shitty friends. There aren't many forms of socializing. It's basic engagment with people and through that a romantic spark might ignite or you atleast gain an extra friend. I think you are losing sight of the fact that online dating shouldn't be anyones primary form of dating.
shitty friends, huh? so if my friend got married and stopped clubbing because he doesn't have to and he's not interested in clubs anymore, he has become a shitty friend, do I get this right? Or those guys/girls who come to my house with their SOs but not with some random girls to satisfy my need to "socialize", they are shitty friends too?
Online dating can be a primary form of meeting new people. There is nothing wrong with it. I think getting drunk in the night club shouldn't be the primary form of meeting new people btw.
How old are you? Being on a dating site is a red flag? There are many reasons to be on it now. Heck you are calling out most of GAF here with your statement.
Besides... I don't think anyone is saying that it's their only source of finding someone so I don't know why you are using that as a basis for your assertion.
If my friends thought that I had trouble meeting people and didn't help with that I would consider them shitty friends. You are the one who is assuming I'm talking about getting drunk in a night club. In a town or a city a plethora of other things are going on in which you can go to and engage with people at and yes you should go out by yourself.
27. Hey dating sites are a great place to get a one night stand. and Subversus seems to be saying it's his primary place for dating. If I'm calling out half of dating GAf good clearly they are doing something off if they are here asking for dating advice.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
and this is why you're one of my favorite posters lol.
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
Clearly you have a lot more reading to do, Junior.
I don't see a problem with it being a primary source. I along with plenty of other GAF members have met our current significant others through online dating experiences. Some people work strange hours or are otherwise cut off from traditional avenues. Some may even simply prefer the online dating experience.
I hardly think coming to a thread sharing experiences and asking for advice means everyone participating is doing something wrong. Just because your experience with online dating has been "only a great place to get a one night stand" doesn't mean that speaks for every encounter.
Try again.
I maybe a junior on GAF, but not in love my friend.
Yes because you only ask for answers when you are certain that what you are doing is right. I'm not saying any of you are wrong, I'm just giving my perspective and isn't that what advice is all about? Even the dude who is totally against texting I can see where he's comign from even if I don't agree.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
We're not wrong? Then what was all that red flag nonsense you we going on about?
Also, you really haven't even given advice. Giving advice =/= insults and assumptions.
Should online dating be one's sole avenue of social interaction and dating? Of course not. Can it be the primary in some situations? Absolutely. Can it be a supplement to real life activity and have usage beyond "one night stands?" Yes.
Float back a couple pages and my advice is to not use online dating as a primary source for dating.
Nerds with Guns
Banned
Disagree with you there man. I think online dating has more rules to follow by. I feel a lot more unnecessary effort has to go into online dating as well. For one, you cant say the same thing over a message as you could in person; and the odds are stacked against you even more because sites are set up more towards women. Granted all of my assumptions are from keeping tabs on the OKC thread, seeing as how Ive never done it myself.
Yo Coconut, humor me for a second. Out of curiosity, how do you suggest people meet other people? Since you think Pickup is misogynistic, and you think dating sites are "red flag worthy".
Good luck Hylian. Don't worry too much about a bare profile (as long as there are pictures). My gf and I had a bare profile. The reasoning? We didn't want people to know everything about us and judging us before even meeting us. Maybe that's why we clicked so well.
She ended up being a keeper.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
But you also say that being on online dating sites is a "red flag" and avoiding social interactions. Either you're being very ambiguous with your wording or you're simply contradicting yourself. Not trying to step on toes or demean you, but I just find your posts a little inflammatory.
I think PUA is different than just talking to some one. PUA is profiting off of people and telling oh do step 1-3 and this person will be all into you. Which is total bullshit.
It's one red flag. like three is the ending it number. If I turned away every girl with one red flag I'd never date or have been in long term relationships.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
This.
But honestly, if she was mature and actually cared about him, she would realize she's hurting him and just let him go instead of putting him in a holding pattern why she does whatever she feels like.
If she truly loved him in the way he hopes, she'd be with him without question. Look at a girls actions first, her words second.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I figure if I ever see her again in the store I would talk to her but I'm not gonna go searching for her. Just seems like that kind of approach would end up in failure for me. The only reason I did so well the first time was because it was all natural.
Nerds with Guns
Banned
I know a substantial amount about pickup and I've never paid one cent for it. There's nothing you can pay for that you can't already learn for free; or through your own experiences.
And you still didn't answer my original question.
Fair enough dude.
SlipperySlope
Banned
No time for that.
I think that's a silly question but obviously talking to peopel at social events and gathering places. You can assume that these people have at least a little bit in common with you if they are at these places you like.
Silly me, and I was trying to go in through the throat. *MrbeanifyouknowwhatImean.gif*
FallingEdge
Member
How is online dating a 'red flag'?
You do realize you are progressing don't you?
Anger (when used CONSTRUCTIVELY) is extremely useful. I know for me pesonally, I listen to the heaviest metal I can find and start screaming all thing things I hate about her.
It is imparative you don't act out on any of this, but allow your self to be angry. Let it wash over you. It creates distance in your mind from her. It will help sharpen and clarify the fact that she is not worth it. You don't need her in your life, and you will find something better.
Oh man. OH MAN....Pain I feel for you.
Dude, you have to go NO CONTACT. Believe me. Don't let her have it both ways. She wants to keep you in her life as an emotional crutch. You have been there for her. You obviously care, and she wants you in her back pocket till she either (a) finds someone new; (b) she is out of use for you.
Let her feel the weight of her decision to break up with you.
Nonetheless, this "friends" junk is nonsense. Please..PLEASE go No Contact. Give yourself a month. It will be hell, you will aruge with yourself daily on whether to break No Contact. Come back here and we will knock some sense into you. DON'T MOTHER EFFING DO IT.
Omegasquash
Member
Sorry to hear that, man. Shitty way to end a relationship, and shitty leaving you just standing there holding your junk and recovering. Not sure how you felt about her, but make sure you feel something different now and move on.
If you need to give yourself a few days to recover, do that. Just don't give her the satisfaction of contacting her. It's her loss, not yours.
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