Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!

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btkadams said:
i feel like they will be super judgemental when they notice i'm friends with a freddie now and peep his profile/age. should i just not give a shit? i guess that's an obvious question with an obvious answer. i actually really like this guy and want to be his friend. it wouldn't even be a concern if he was 10 years younger.
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Obvious answer is obvious, indeed.
Plus, it's only FB... I don't understand why people take that network so seriously and get so emotionally invested on and about it :¬\ (plus, the stupidity of some).

And screw judgmental friends when: 1) you aren't doing anything wrong or illegal, 2) you are not hurting or affecting negatively other people or yourself and 3) you are completely aware and happy about what you're doing.
 
btkadams said:
i saw that 41 year old again. he had me over for dinner last night and i had an awesome time once again. he is so much fun to hang out with. i can't help but obviously feel self-conscious about the age thing though. i get the feeling he wants to be friends on facebook and i'm not sure how to handle it lol. i have told a few good friends that i've been meeting/hooking up with a fredide and that he's older, but i haven't said his age. i feel like they will be super judgemental when they notice i'm friends with a freddie now and peep his profile/age. should i just not give a shit? i guess that's an obvious question with an obvious answer. i actually really like this guy and want to be his friend. it wouldn't even be a concern if he was 10 years younger.

just to be clear though, i do not intend on dating him. this is a friends with benefits kind of thing. i must admit that i do feel a spark with him, but i'm not sure what it means at the moment.
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Aww cute. Sounds like the premise of a romantic comedy.
 
btkadams said:
i saw that 41 year old again. he had me over for dinner last night and i had an awesome time once again. ... i feel like they will be super judgemental when they notice i'm friends with a freddie now and peep his profile/age. should i just not give a shit?
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Correct: you should not give a shit, and if your friends have any sense at all in their heads, neither will they.

The two of you are enjoying yourselves and thus presumably have things in common (one of the bigger and also most nonsensical concerns voiced about age gaps), so that should be the absolute end of the discussion. The uncertainty largely comes from the ridiculous societal pressure to conform to some arbitrary age pairing that has no basis in... well, anything.
 
Sagitario said:
Obvious answer is obvious, indeed.
Plus, it's only FB... I don't understand why people take that network so seriously and get so emotionally invested on and about it :¬\ (plus, the stupidity of some).

And screw judgmental friends when: 1) you aren't doing anything wrong or illegal, 2) you are not hurting or affecting negatively other people or yourself and 3) you are completely aware and happy about what you're doing.
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it's not that i care about facebook. it's just that the few close friends that already know about this guy will find out his age from there. i don't really care about facebook itself. i post pretty out-there stuff on facebook/twitter.
SpaceBridge said:
Aww cute. Sounds like the premise of a romantic comedy.
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:3
Cosmic Bus said:
Correct: you should not give a shit, and if your friends have any sense at all in their heads, neither will they.

The two of you are enjoying yourselves and thus presumably have things in common (one of the bigger and also most nonsensical concerns voiced about age gaps), so that should be the absolute end of the discussion. The uncertainty largely comes from the ridiculous societal pressure to conform to some arbitrary age pairing that has no basis in... well, anything.
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get out of my head!

i was nervous before, but now i'm actually excited at the fact that i might be completely messing with some friends' heads. the troll is growing within.


today is the one year anniversary of my breakup with my ex haha. my best friend is coming over this evening for wine to celebrate. she also just got married, so it will also be a celebration for that. i will tell her this guy's age, since she already knows we've been hooking up. she will definitely have no problem.
 
btkadams said:
i was nervous before, but now i'm actually excited at the fact that i might be completely messing with some friends' heads. the troll is growing within.

today is the one year anniversary of my breakup with my ex haha. my best friend is coming over this evening for wine to celebrate. she also just got married, so it will also be a celebration for that. i will tell her this guy's age, since she already knows we've been hooking up. she will definitely have no problem.
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Aw, have a good time with the dinner! When you tell her, don't make this guy's age the central focus; instead, just casually drop it into the conversation while talking about the friendship/hook-up itself.

I do consider myself somewhat lucky to have friends who didn't bat an eye upon hearing that, as a dude in his mid-30s, I have a fwb who's 19 and am currently seeing a 21-year old. They're just happy to see me finally enjoying my life, and you should simply be having a good time too, btk! :)

[edit] Regarding age differences, I've always thought it seemed funny how in both straight and gay relations that getting with an older man or woman is often seen as a a desirable accomplishment, but the reverse gets "oh my, how scandalous!" comments. I mean, someone always has to be the older party. Derp.
 
Sagitario said:
Obvious answer is obvious, indeed.
Plus, it's only FB... I don't understand why people take that network so seriously and get so emotionally invested on and about it :¬\ (plus, the stupidity of some).

And screw judgmental friends when: 1) you aren't doing anything wrong or illegal, 2) you are not hurting or affecting negatively other people or yourself and 3) you are completely aware and happy about what you're doing.
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I wouldn't post it on Facebook but I generally try not to post anything on there given how public it is and the chances your employer will look up your profile. It's a stupid site anyways that I just use to organize meet ups with friends who aren't on Steam or Skype.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
Aw, have a good time with the dinner! When you tell her, don't make this guy's age the central focus; instead, just casually drop it into the conversation while talking about the friendship/hook-up itself.

I do consider myself somewhat lucky to have friends who didn't bat an eye upon hearing that, as a dude in his mid-30s, I have a fwb who's 19 and am currently seeing a 21-year old. They're just happy to see me finally enjoying my life, and you should simply be having a good time too, btk! :)
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good advice! thanks, cosmic.
BeesEight said:
I wouldn't post it on Facebook but I generally try not to post anything on there given how public it is and the chances your employer will look up your profile. It's a stupid site anyways that I just use to organize meet ups with friends who aren't on Steam or Skype.
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post what on facebook? i don't publicize fuckbuddies on facebook lol. i never even used the relationship status thing when i had a bf for 2.5 years.
 
You know, it's weird that I learned about at least two or three breakups and one divorce of either my friends or someone from the family through a Facebook's relationship status. And I have no idea how many engagements or weddings were "announced" by the status change. :/ It's weird that nowadays instead of talking people prefer to announce such things by changing a flag on a social service (and then they wait for a flood of inevitable questions and/or congratulations). Weird times we live in.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
[edit] Regarding age differences, I've always thought it seemed funny how in both straight and gay relations that getting with an older man or woman is often seen as a a desirable accomplishment, but the reverse gets "oh my, how scandalous!" comments. I mean, someone always has to be the older party. Derp.
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my experience in the gay community is that it's often looked down upon from either side. i remember being out at clubs when i was 21 and pretty much any older guy was considered a creeper. sure circles and all of that, and there were obvious exceptions, but it was pretty common. could see that a lot too at certain bars i've been too.

i cringe for most people who are into younger guys -- not from disgust or some moral highground, but because of the difficulty and common aftermath.
 
it's definitely more accepted from what i've seen, but i don't think it's that common. i could be wrong, but i still see a lot of ageist views in the youth i volunteer with. there's a lot of ageism in the gay community in general, but it's something that seems to relax as people approach 30 ;)

i think you still have a point, but i just don't think it's _that_ accepted or cool from the other side. maybe a large part of that is people looking at the younger person and thinking victim or something. not sure.
 
Id much prefer to date someone my age or older. I don't think young gays have much to offer or in common quite frankly. This is purely my opinion based on experience, personal and from working in the gay scene for 5 years. I know that some of you may get upset by that, so I apologize in advance.
 
SpaceBridge said:
Id much prefer to date someone my age or older. I don't think young gays have much to offer or in common quite frankly. This is purely my opinion based on experience, personal and from working in the gay scene for 5 years. I know that some of you may get upset by that, so I apologize in advance.
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I'd love to meet someone around my age but if a 19 year old Japanese guy came my way I would not say no.
 
SpaceBridge said:
Id much prefer to date someone my age or older. I don't think young gays have much to offer or in common quite frankly. This is purely my opinion based on experience, personal and from working in the gay scene for 5 years. I know that some of you may get upset by that, so I apologize in advance.
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how old are you? i want to know your level of hate for me.
 
Age is one of those criteria where I maintain the clichéd position of "it's the individual that matters, age is just a number, blah blah", etc. I think it's relatively improbable that I'd find, say, an 18 year old to be notably interesting, but I'm sure that some examples must exist, and probably quite a few more than I would initially assume.

Before I would say that I'd typically prefer someone around my age or older, but now I'm only potentially interested in relationships as an interim thing and younger people are more likely to have less concern for the future.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
idk about this. Simply for the novelty, I tried Grindr for a period of time when I got my first smartphone and never got a single message from anyone. :(

On the topic, though, this was on my Tumblr feed last night and his profile got a nice chuckle out of me:





Either DMPrince or DarkUSS, because I haven't posted anything there in months.
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it's updating magically.
 
I've never been in a relationship, but I don't think age would matter to me. I feel that all that would matter is that we connect and vibe.

Now, it's unlikely that something like that would have with a person twice my age or so, but it is possible.
 
I don't have a strictly defined preference for age, but I'm not sure I could see myself with someone more than 10 years my senior. But of course hypotheticals are out the window in a real-world, person-to-person basis; I have no doubt there are probably tons of people outside that 'range' that I would get along just fine with.
 
Age becomes a problem, I believe, when you're thinking long term. Eventually, one or both you may enter into a different phase of your life. Older you get it seems the less likely you'll want to go to a circuit party at the club this weekend or go dance all night. Certainly not true for everyone and it doesn't have to be a deal breaker but its something to consider if you're wondering if this guy is the one.
 
SpaceBridge said:
Id much prefer to date someone my age or older. I don't think young gays have much to offer or in common quite frankly. This is purely my opinion based on experience, personal and from working in the gay scene for 5 years. I know that some of you may get upset by that, so I apologize in advance.
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I'm hurt and crushed and all that.
 
Honestly I cant date anyone really older than me. Say about ten years older. I dont know I just wont feel it very well. I'm fine with dating a 18 year old I dont think there is much of a problem there it just depends on the person.

*Ready for the pedo jokes*
 
Delio said:
Honestly I cant date anyone really older than me. Say about ten years older. I dont know I just wont feel it very well. I'm fine with dating a 18 year old I dont think there is much of a problem there it just depends on the person.

*Ready for the pedo jokes*
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Del gets the boys early and ruins them for the rest of us. *flings self onto bed sobbing*
 
Delio said:
Honestly I cant date anyone really older than me. Say about ten years older. I dont know I just wont feel it very well. I'm fine with dating a 18 year old I dont think there is much of a problem there it just depends on the person.

*Ready for the pedo jokes*
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I'm going to send the cute 18 year old twinks your way.
 
Teh Hamburglar said:
Age becomes a problem, I believe, when you're thinking long term. Eventually, one or both you may enter into a different phase of your life. Older you get it seems the less likely you'll want to go to a circuit party at the club this weekend or go dance all night. Certainly not true for everyone and it doesn't have to be a deal breaker but its something to consider if you're wondering if this guy is the one.
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OMG, circuit parties. Memories...
 
Teh Hamburglar said:
Age becomes a problem, I believe, when you're thinking long term. Eventually, one or both you may enter into a different phase of your life. Older you get it seems the less likely you'll want to go to a circuit party at the club this weekend or go dance all night. Certainly not true for everyone and it doesn't have to be a deal breaker but its something to consider if you're wondering if this guy is the one.
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That's what I always say when someone asks me about different age relationships.

Delio said:
Honestly I cant date anyone really older than me. Say about ten years older. I dont know I just wont feel it very well. I'm fine with dating a 18 year old I dont think there is much of a problem there it just depends on the person.

*Ready for the pedo jokes*
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I don't think I'd date anyone much older than me, but someone younger... Most of my friends joke about me being a pedo.
 
Delio said:
Thank you very much.
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You guys can trade frosting tips, the latest Jeremy Scott Adiddas, how awesome America's next top model was last night, how fierce Lady Gagas remix is and the best movie ever: Resident Evil Afterlife.

This actually was a conversation I had with a 24 year old
.
 
Delio said:
Thank you very much.
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It's hard for us black gay dudes to find dates so I'd definitely send some cuties your way when I can wink

SpaceBridge said:
You guys can trade frosting tips, the latest Jeremy Scott Adiddas, how awesome America's next top model was last night, how fierce Lady Gagas remix is and the best movie ever: Resident Evil Afterlife.

This actually was a conversation I had with a 24 year old
.
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But was he cute?
 
Nlroh said:
That's what I always say when someone asks me about different age relationships.



I don't think I'd date anyone much older than me, but someone younger... Most of my friends joke about me being a pedo.
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Yeah my late mother called me a Cougar...

SpaceBridge said:
You guys can trade frosting tips, the latest Jeremy Scott Adiddas, how awesome America's next top model was last night, how fierce Lady Gagas remix is and the best movie ever: Resident Evil Afterlife.

This actually was a conversation I had with a 24 year old
.
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I dont think I'd touch a frosted tips twink. As for the movie thing I'd just expose him to classics. I have to teach him ;)

neojubei said:
It's hard for us black gay dudes to find dates so I'd definitely send some cuties your way when I can wink



But was he cute?
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Ah aint that to truth. Gay community dont like dem blacks.
 
neojubei said:
Drink and dance. That's what I do. I bet the mexican guys in Texas are pretty damn hot.
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It's one of the big things that I miss about living in Austin. My goodness, do I have a thing for Mexican men. Drive me crazy.. so much eye candy. Oomphalicious.

...

And my guy is six years older. Turned 40 1 month ago. Such a yummy man still.. mmm.. Older men can definitely have it goin' on.
 
i used to think i was open to any age, but i learned my lesson on dating younger a long time ago. got friends that make it work, but i can't. always felt like a bad roller coaster. you know the ones where it bangs your head against the restraint? it might be fun in sections, but it's just a short ride as they discover themselves.

i've found guys generally start to settle down around 26-28ish, and that's kind of my lower limit, though it seems to keep going up.
 
SpaceBridge said:
You guys can trade frosting tips, the latest Jeremy Scott Adiddas, how awesome America's next top model was last night, how fierce Lady Gagas remix is and the best movie ever: Resident Evil Afterlife.

This actually was a conversation I had with a 24 year old
.
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That just sounds like an annoying/incompatible personality more than anything.
 
Meh' I figured myself out in my early 20's....but then I'm a really low key kind of guy.

About the age thing though. I saw an episode of QI some time back that said the perfect companion for a guy is supposed to be half your age + 7 but than I think that was only for straights. Not sure what the gay equivalent is.
 
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