Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Guys, I think I lost. Either I misheard her the other day, or she got back with him. I think she has a boyfriend. I think I heard her say I love you over the phone. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, cause she sits right behind me.

Now I could have also misheard that, but the reason I thought she said ex-boyfriend is because she mentions keeping her stuff at his place long ago, and then the other day she said she was looking to rent storage to keep her stuff cause she doesn't want to keep her stuff in her ex-boyfriend's place.

One last question, should I go for broke and just ask straight up?
 
Minamu said:
This is what we want to see! :) Good job. These are things that will make you a better and more attractive person.
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Feeling sexier already.

To be honest, I would have had my driver's license already but I just ran out of time to actually do behind the wheel training between going to school, work, and moving (twice in one week!)

The permit test was pretty easy but I'll still study up for that. Is there by chance a driving thread on GAF?
 
Cow Mengde said:
Guys, I think I lost. Either I misheard her the other day, or she got back with him. I think she has a boyfriend. I think I heard her say I love you over the phone. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, cause she sits right behind me.

Now I could have also misheard that, but the reason I thought she said ex-boyfriend is because she mentions keeping her stuff at his place long ago, and then the other day she said she was looking to rent storage to keep her stuff cause she doesn't want to keep her stuff in her ex-boyfriend's place.

One last question, should I go for broke and just ask straight up?
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Eh, no harm in asking. Just make sure you do it face to face.
 
dralla said:
I want to! ugh, going in soon, hopefully she's there today, I'd like to do it today, but I probably won't :( I'm gonna try though, we'll see.
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Just don't let it fester inside you and eventually form a regret! If you want to ask her, just ask her! And if she says no, at least you tried and can't have any regrets. You'll feel better about it regardless of the outcome.

Good luck my man!
 
Perspicacity said:
He also thinks that poking a girl in the back of her head and calling her a bitch is the way to her heart. Maybe take his comments with a grain of salt.
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I was drunk and that was out of desperation, by which time I had already eliminated myself. Mistakes were made, and I regret it. It's a learning experience.

stn said:
Yeah, this PUA stuff is a bit too much. The best way to approach things is to be to calm, fun, and friendly. Also doesn't hurt to try some humor. That's really all it takes, I've found.

You can certainly pull off negging, sure, but I think for that you need to be VERY confident before you even do it. That kind of skill requires prior practice and experience. People often misinterpret the "Don't be a nice guy" into being a jerk. NO! It should really say "Don't be a PASSIVE guy," because that's what the problem actually is.

Its good to be nice, polite, and kind. Any girl who doesn't appreciate that isn't worth your time. HOWEVER, don't let your politeness scare you away from making your intentions VERY clear to a girl.

This post isn't really directed at anyone, just a culmination of everything I've been thinking since reading the last few pages. Good luck to guys like Pre, hope he finds his place in all this chaos. :)
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Thanks for the positive words. I'll continue trying to improve myself and become more assertive and confident without crossing the line into asshole territory. I've always been prone to second-guessing myself and not being willing to put myself out there and be rejected. Changes need to be made, but I need to be careful how I go about it.
 
mother fucker, she has a boyfriend. she wasn't in today so I asked around, her name is Genesis too, which is awesome, I like her even more now :( feels bad man

I am meeting someone tomorrow from OKCupid though, so, there's that, but yea, it kinda sucksss
 
I posted a few days ago about girlfriend acting strange. So I broke it off after 6 months. I really liked her and its the most serious relationship I have ever had but it was hurting me. She wasn't willing to tell her friends/classmates about me and I wasn't allowed to any gatherings/parties.
So I couldn't bring myself to trust her and realistically I have no reason to.
This is the first time I have broken things off and I feel really stink. There is a bit of a language barrier because she is learning English so the whole thing took a long time. I probably shouldn't have been so indecisive in the way I handled it and regret that also.

Feels like shit but my friends are going to take me out on the town in a weeks time and I will be glad to have the constant worry of the last week gone.

I know considering the circumstances I shouldn't be worried about upsetting her but in the back of my mind there is "what if she wasn't cheating". Although even if she wasn't I couldn't continue feeling the way I did. And she made it clear she wasn't willing to include me in that part of her life during the conversation.

Im going to miss her heaps because other than that she was an amazing person who I care for a lot.
 
dralla said:
mother fucker, she has a boyfriend. she wasn't in today so I asked around, her name is Genesis too, which is awesome, I like her even more now :( feels bad man

I am meeting someone tomorrow from OKCupid though, so, there's that, but yea, it kinda sucksss
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Don't dwell on it man, there's nothing you can do really. Just focus on having fun tomorrow with your OKC date.
 
With the talk about not holding up doors and stuff on dates, seems like it's time for a classic.

Many people in here need to get their mind out of the damn gutter. Stop worrying about what she wants, get your own head straight first and figure out exactly what YOU want. Stop spending so much time trying to figure out how to please the woman, stop worrying about getting her to like you.

When David Wygant says "fuck her", don't take it literally as in meaning you shouldn't care or act like a jerk. But take a few moments and think about your own damn needs.
 
Minamu said:
With the talk about not holding up doors and stuff on dates, seems like it's time for a classic.

Many people in here need to get their mind out of the damn gutter. Stop worrying about what she wants, get your own head straight first and figure out exactly what YOU want. Stop spending so much time trying to figure out how to please the woman, stop worrying about getting her to like you.

When David Wygant says "fuck her", don't take it literally as in meaning you shouldn't care or act like a jerk. But take a few moments and think about your own damn needs.
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I've said this before and I'll say it again, if a person has to turn to some sort of dating guru or a book then they're beyond hope in the first place.
 
ThisWreckage said:
I've said this before and I'll say it again, if a person has to turn to some sort of dating guru or a book then they're beyond hope in the first place.
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I would never use those types of things. And i already think im beyond hope. Stuff like that makes you try too hard and over think every little thing you do.

As i said before, there shouldn't be these rules and lessons to get girls.
 
Kung Fu Grip said:
I would never use those types of things. And i already think im beyond hope. Stuff like that makes you try too hard and over think every little thing you do.

As i said before, there shouldn't be these rules and lessons to get girls.
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There isn't. Build your confidence and the rest will come. It's not about learning rules with women. It all stems from your confidence and self esteem.
 
ThisWreckage said:
I've said this before and I'll say it again, if a person has to turn to some sort of dating guru or a book then they're beyond hope in the first place.
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Eh, I wouldn't say that. In that video he's just sharing some experiences and giving advice, it's no different from this thread. Or are you implying everyone in this thread asking for advice is beyond hope? ;)
 
So I'm looking to start meeting new people and dating again after a long time not (been in relationships and so on) and would like some feedback on my OKCupid profile. I posted it in the other thread but didn't get any so I was wondering if you guys had any comments. Cheers :)

Me me me
 
ThisWreckage said:
I've said this before and I'll say it again, if a person has to turn to some sort of dating guru or a book then they're beyond hope in the first place.
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And what have you done recently trying to help dating-age?

Kung Fu Grip said:
I would never use those types of things. And i already think im beyond hope. Stuff like that makes you try too hard and over think every little thing you do.

As i said before, there shouldn't be these rules and lessons to get girls.
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Just watch the video.
 
Oh no.......I think I fucked up pretty bad. I should have ignored my family. this is probably a good lesson on how things are not always how they apear.
So a few posts back. I broke up with girlfriend who I really really like due to trust issues after a lot of events this week all joined together made me doubt her. My mother who i work with puts seeds of doubt in my mind by asking randomly if I'm getting cheated on etc every now and then. Then my past relationships have always ended by getting cheated on due to my shitty taste in girls.

Girlfriend is still learning English so her writing is bad even if she can talk pretty good English but even then she can get muddled sometimes especially when emotions are high.

I may have been wrong. My issue is she is hiding me from her friends and until that is sorted I decided I couldn't handle it. That she is not telling friends and going nightclubbing with them and I'm not invited pissed me off and just made me really suspicious. They are just her classmates and normally I don't care as a night out dancing makes her horny. So other guys do the hard work and I get the sex booty call. Lol
It feels like shit when your girlfriend of 6 months introduces you as host family brother and stops touching you around her classmates.

This week not seeing her because partying to much and not even booty call, she has been distant etc so I was confused. Add a bunch of pictures of her with another guy on Facebook and everything came together so I felt like shit. She also said to me she has made up her mind o leave when her visa runs out.

The following day I decided to go talk to her and messaged her it was important we discuss our future. I got one back saying she wants to spend more time with new friend even after leaving the country. Based off everything I packed up all her stuff and took it to her. She was confused and upset I was breaking up with her but I was to upset to pay attention at the time. I was fucking devastated to get prety much txt a breakup like that again.

With emotions high the normally small language barrier became a huge problem but it ended with me leaving and her refusing to fix my core issue which was acknowledge she has a boyfriend and stop hiding me which Is childish bullshit.

I found out through the grapevine she is pretty devastated so called the host family to make sure things were ok. I was in a terrible way all afternoon but have very supportive friends and called my brother to talk.

At the end of the day I still can't be with her until that core trust hiding me issue is solved but he rest may have been circumstational. My brother let me know to ignore my mother as she does the same bullshit to him.

The host mother let me know girlfriend had extended visa to stay with me which she had fucked up and told me she was leaving due to language barrier. And host had been speaking with now upset girlfriend. So the reason why girlfriend was upset I turned up with her stuff was her text about leaving with new friend was me. She had meant she will stay with me longer after the year is up and we can go overseas together if things are still good. Host mother confirmed she had been talking to her previously about it this week so it's not post breakup mind games

Host mother Is going to talk to her about it all and try and explain my side of things properly so we will see what happens.

Other than this we have had no issues and things have been amazing. She is a great person who i care deeply about. I feel like shit now.
 
waxer said:
Oh no.......I think I fucked up pretty bad. I should have ignored my family. this is probably a good lesson on how things are not always how they apear.
So a few posts back. I broke up with girlfriend who I really really like due to trust issues after a lot of events this week all joined together made me doubt her. My mother who i work with puts seeds of doubt in my mind by asking randomly if I'm getting cheated on etc every now and then. Then my past relationships have always ended by getting cheated on due to my shitty taste in girls.

Girlfriend is still learning English so her writing is bad even if she can talk pretty good English but even then she can get muddled sometimes especially when emotions are high.

I may have been wrong. My issue is she is hiding me from her friends and until that is sorted I decided I couldn't handle it. That she is not telling friends and going nightclubbing with them and I'm not invited pissed me off and just made me really suspicious. They are just her classmates and normally I don't care as a night out dancing makes her horny. So other guys do the hard work and I get the sex booty call. Lol
It feels like shit when your girlfriend of 6 months introduces you as host family brother and stops touching you around her classmates.

This week not seeing her because partying to much and not even booty call, she has been distant etc so I was confused. Add a bunch of pictures of her with another guy on Facebook and everything came together so I felt like shit. She also said to me she has made up her mind o leave when her visa runs out.

The following day I decided to go talk to her and messaged her it was important we discuss our future. I got one back saying she wants to spend more time with new friend even after leaving the country. Based off everything I packed up all her stuff and took it to her. She was confused and upset I was breaking up with her but I was to upset to pay attention at the time. I was fucking devastated to get prety much txt a breakup like that again.

With emotions high the normally small language barrier became a huge problem but it ended with me leaving and her refusing to fix my core issue which was acknowledge she has a boyfriend and stop hiding me which Is childish bullshit.

I found out through the grapevine she is pretty devastated so called the host family to make sure things were ok. I was in a terrible way all afternoon but have very supportive friends and called my brother to talk.

At the end of the day I still can't be with her until that core trust hiding me issue is solved but he rest may have been circumstational. My brother let me know to ignore my mother as she does the same bullshit to him.

The host mother let me know girlfriend had extended visa to stay with me which she had fucked up and told me she was leaving due to language barrier. And host had been speaking with now upset girlfriend. So the reason why girlfriend was upset I turned up with her stuff was her text about leaving with new friend was me. She had meant she will stay with me longer after the year is up and we can go overseas together if things are still good. Host mother confirmed she had been talking to her previously about it this week so it's not post breakup mind games

Host mother Is going to talk to her about it all and try and explain my side of things properly so we will see what happens.

Other than this we have had no issues and things have been amazing. She is a great person who i care deeply about. I feel like shit now.
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Hey you put that pussy on a huge pedestal, and you let her treat you however she feels like. Don't think for a second you're worth all her respect and not having you hidden away from friends, uninvited to clubs. How high will you climb for that pussy? Buy a jet pack yo.
 
Booty call is the only term I could think of to explain 1 oclock sex call on odd nights apart. When she isn't going out we practly live together. Swapping between each others place.
 
waxer said:
Oh no.......I think I fucked up pretty bad. I should have ignored my family. this is probably a good lesson on how things are not always how they apear.
So a few posts back. I broke up with girlfriend who I really really like due to trust issues after a lot of events this week all joined together made me doubt her. My mother who i work with puts seeds of doubt in my mind by asking randomly if I'm getting cheated on etc every now and then. Then my past relationships have always ended by getting cheated on due to my shitty taste in girls.

Girlfriend is still learning English so her writing is bad even if she can talk pretty good English but even then she can get muddled sometimes especially when emotions are high.

I may have been wrong. My issue is she is hiding me from her friends and until that is sorted I decided I couldn't handle it. That she is not telling friends and going nightclubbing with them and I'm not invited pissed me off and just made me really suspicious. They are just her classmates and normally I don't care as a night out dancing makes her horny. So other guys do the hard work and I get the sex booty call. Lol
It feels like shit when your girlfriend of 6 months introduces you as host family brother and stops touching you around her classmates.

This week not seeing her because partying to much and not even booty call, she has been distant etc so I was confused. Add a bunch of pictures of her with another guy on Facebook and everything came together so I felt like shit. She also said to me she has made up her mind o leave when her visa runs out.

The following day I decided to go talk to her and messaged her it was important we discuss our future. I got one back saying she wants to spend more time with new friend even after leaving the country. Based off everything I packed up all her stuff and took it to her. She was confused and upset I was breaking up with her but I was to upset to pay attention at the time. I was fucking devastated to get prety much txt a breakup like that again.
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I fail to see how you messed up given that these are all signs of her not being as interested. Anyone would come to the same conclusion...
waxer said:
The host mother let me know girlfriend had extended visa to stay with me which she had fucked up and told me she was leaving due to language barrier. And host had been speaking with now upset girlfriend. So the reason why girlfriend was upset I turned up with her stuff was her text about leaving with new friend was me. She had meant she will stay with me longer after the year is up and we can go overseas together if things are still good. Host mother confirmed she had been talking to her previously about it this week so it's not post breakup mind games

Host mother Is going to talk to her about it all and try and explain my side of things properly so we will see what happens.

Other than this we have had no issues and things have been amazing. She is a great person who i care deeply about. I feel like shit now.
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I would say there are a lot of issues still. Even if what she said was true and you misunderstood her, the language barrier is a big problem... but besides that, the bolded above isn't a language issue. Her "hiding you" from her friends bothered you and it's not like you misunderstood her. She knew what she was doing.

One thing to keep in mind is that she could be lying to her host family. Regardless of how you want to proceed, communication is important in ANY relationship and I would stop feeling like shit because you didn't really do anything wrong. Just talked to her and tell her HOW you misunderstood.

Log4Girlz said:
Hey you put that pussy on a huge pedestal, and you let her treat you however she feels like. Don't think for a second you're worth all her respect and not having you hidden away from friends, uninvited to clubs. How high will you climb for that pussy? Buy a jet pack yo.
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what?
 
dralla said:
I want to! ugh, going in soon, hopefully she's there today, I'd like to do it today, but I probably won't :( I'm gonna try though, we'll see.
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Depending on how many fucks you give I'll let you know that I've broken out of friend zone with a coworker who had a boyfriend before.

I'd say be flirty and see what happens.
 
Idde said:
Pardon my French, but I think this is such bullshit.
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Just cruising by, but don't you think likening French to an entire language made up of curse words is more offensive than using an actual curse word? I don't understand why people still use this phrase.
 
JeTmAn81 said:
Just cruising by, but don't you think likening French to an entire language made up of curse words is more offensive than using an actual curse word? I don't understand why people still use this phrase.
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This here would be a perfect fit for thisisneogaf.gif
 
JeTmAn81 said:
Just cruising by, but don't you think likening French to an entire language made up of curse words is more offensive than using an actual curse word? I don't understand why people still use this phrase.
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Lol
I've never actually given this phrase much thought, but you're right.

Also, just let her go now Waxer. She treated you like shit. She played you like piano. Etc etc.
 
JeTmAn81 said:
Just cruising by, but don't you think likening French to an entire language made up of curse words is more offensive than using an actual curse word?
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Huh. Don't you take this a tad too seriously?
@Waxer: stahp. you deserve better.
This reminds me of 10th grade. There was this exchange student who was in a relationship with a friend of mine. She got caught cheating at clubs like three times by other people from our group. Who knows how often she cheated on him in total. Prolly thought "well no one at home will be able to judge me for having sex here, fuck it I'm gonna go all out."
 
Yeah sorry waxer, she's stringing you along because you are helping her with her visa, but doesn't want anybody to know she has a boyfriend outside of your place.

Sounds like license to mess around with any guy she wants. You need to look at your inner self, and see why you pick the kind of women you do.

Where is she from? South America?
 
JeTmAn81 said:
Just cruising by, but don't you think likening French to an entire language made up of curse words is more offensive than using an actual curse word? I don't understand why people still use this phrase.
Click to expand...

Kinda like how when someone says an unusual word, a person responds with "Gesundheit" because the joke is that the word you said is so weird it must be another language and is equivalent to you sneezing. Therefore this is offensive to Germans, as if their language is garbage.

Or how about we don't get so serious and off-topic about a common phrase...

@ waxer: I don't see how you messed up, what happened is for the best. She was no good for you.
 
And this my friends, is why co-worker dating is different.

So the dilemma yesterday was pretty much solved by asking another co-worker who's a very close friend. Turns out it might have been her father that she said that to. Not to mention I just heard her say ex-boyfriend loud and clear twice a few minutes ago.

The game is back on, and I got help from friends. Gonna ask her out soon. Wish me luck.
 
Cow Mengde said:
And this my friends, is why co-worker dating is different.

So the dilemma yesterday was pretty much solved by asking another co-worker who's a very close friend. Turns out it might have been her father that she said that to. Not to mention I just heard her say ex-boyfriend loud and clear twice a few minutes ago.

The game is back on, and I got help from friends. Gonna ask her out soon. Wish me luck.
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Good luck. Don't forget to put on your robe and wizard hat.
 
Cow Mengde said:
The game is back on, and I got help from friends. Gonna ask her out soon. Wish me luck.
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Get it! Give no fucks if you don't.

I had dinner with this girl from a class last night, just a spur of the moment thing after class ended. She's cool, a little young (relatively speaking, she's 20 and I'm 23, never been involved with someone younger than I am), but I'm just seeing where this is going.

I'm still keeping my options open but it's nice that I've got SOMETHING going on after a particularly uneventful summer.
 
Looks like the whole dating thing fell through after two months. Been trying to get a hold of the girl since I saw her before I went to New York; she never responded back when I asked if she wanted to meet up before I left for my vacation and the last time I actually got a response back was about a week and a half ago.

*sigh* Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I'm a bit bummed if anything, but it was always a little tough getting to see her. I don't know what happened either and if I somehow fucked up or not, but whatever. I'm not going to be dating anyone I guess until I move to a big city, which might be 3-4 years from now.
 
UFRA said:
Kinda like how when someone says an unusual word, a person responds with "Gesundheit" because the joke is that the word you said is so weird it must be another language and is equivalent to you sneezing. Therefore this is offensive to Germans, as if their language is garbage.

Or how about we don't get so serious and off-topic about a common phrase...
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What?!?

It's an ironic saying. French is a beautiful, flowery, romantic language, and curse words are crude. That's it. It's not being disrespectful to the French language.
 
Fuck, I waited so long for the day to end so I could ask her and other co-workers are crowding around our area. FUCK!!! My heart is beating so fast.
 
Cow Mengde said:
And this my friends, is why co-worker dating is different.

So the dilemma yesterday was pretty much solved by asking another co-worker who's a very close friend. Turns out it might have been her father that she said that to. Not to mention I just heard her say ex-boyfriend loud and clear twice a few minutes ago.

The game is back on, and I got help from friends. Gonna ask her out soon. Wish me luck.
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Please, watch the video on the previous page.
 
waxer, feel free to talk it over with her "as adults", but don't expect an adult answer as to why she suddenly wanted others to know you ARE NOT her boyfriend.

Can you think of a reason why the person that wants to be with you would do that?

Putting her on a pedestal is simply letting this one girl (your first serious gf after this new-found confidence?) walk all over you and disrespect you like that.

Let it go and enjoy your new life as a confident man.
 
All right guys, I finally got some good news to share with you all. So this past weekend, while I was working at Comic Con, I met a buxom Firefly who was cosplaying as Wonder Woman during the said panel. I initiated the conversation by asking her if she's a Firefly fan and we went from there. We hit it off pretty well, with me cracking a bunch of jokes including some corny ones which she laughed at, while peppering some sarcastic remarks and playfully bumping my arm onto hers every now and then. At the end of the panel I told her she's a cool chick and I asked for her number before I went back to work. She paused to think about it for several but eventually gave it to me. One thing she did ask me for was my last name which I obliged; she reciprocated by giving me hers.

We've exchanged several texts back and forth since then with me alluding to hanging out by her neighborhood so she could give me a tour of it. The last time I texted her was last night; she hasn't responded since then. I don't want to read too much into it and not blow up her phone/not come off as desperate. I'm just going to wait until she responds to me.

But the last thing I told her was that I thought she'd known some facts about her neighborhood and told her that she can make them up as we go along. The context for that was that she said she would have to look into finding out fun facts about her neighborhood. I'm reading too much into this right guys? I haven't even asked her if she's free this weekend. But again, if she's still interested, she'll re initiate contact with me. There's a part of me that says I done bad though, but I need to drown those bad thoughts out. Thankfully, I'm busy with school to think about it. But I *think* it's going well to say the least and hope to land myself a date with her by this weekend.

If anyone can take anything from this is to not be afraid to initiate a conversation with a woman that you find interesting in any context. Just say something relevant to the context and go from there. I felt super confident talking to her. It helped a coworker told me about how Firefly got a cult following before escorting a cute chick into the theatre which helped me out a lot because I'm not really a fan of the show having never watched it. So guys, take a risk; if you're in college and have been eying a girl in your class you've been dying to talk to, go for it. Remember the Simple Pick Up tips and you should be fine. The first step is to opening your mouth and moving it and the rest will take care of itself. You can also lightly touch to show that you're not a wimp.

I also have something going with a girl I'm exchanging messages with on OKC. It's going well. I plan on asking her for her number and see if I schedule a date with her this weekend as well.
 
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