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[Minamu]

What's with the topic title "not being a nice guy"? It has always worked for me. Being polite and nice definitely gets you girls.

Or does it mean to be the guy who just agrees with everything and comes off like he has no own opinions? Yeah that guy doesn't get any.

It's the too friendly guy that comes across as a wimp basically. Of course you're supposed to be a nice guy and not a jerk, but you still need some tact, confidence and so on.

 

[stn]

Pre

DUDE. Best advice is leave her be. If you ever see her again then make sure to apologize, but leave it at that. You obviously are hurt because she rejected you in a way, hence you want to talk to girls in front of her to make her jealous. If you truly want to succeed then you need to adopt a care-free attitude. As in, who cares if she rejected you? She's not going to care if you hit on other girls either, as she only would care if she was interested in you. Why waste your time? Go to that homecoming to meet people, not to spite her. If anything, she'll realize she has such a strong hold on you once its obvious you're trying to flirt with other girls so she can see. You come out WEAK.

Girls have done this to me before. I noticed it right away and just smiled to myself, it actually amused me for a greater part of that night when it happened. And also, please don't drink and drive - its extremely careless and stupid. The next time you go out see if you can stay sober and talk to girls. You don't want to rely on alcohol forever, right?

EDIT: Also, her hot friend engaged you and you chose to throw shit at her friend instead? She's going to protect her friend, naturally. You blew it all over the place, man. You had a chance to salvage something by at least being cool with her friend. Poor decisions. You need to be more relaxed and rely on alcohol less for socializing. And I mean this in the nicest way possible.

 

[Wazzim]

I'll try to keep it short (especially since I'm still a little drunk), but I need some advice and an analysis of my performance tonight.

I went to a bar I never go to in order to see a band I really like tonight. I had a great time, and afterward I was busy talking to a friend and he encouraged me to go talk to some girls. I was drunk, so I felt more confident than usual, but I still couldn't bring myself to do it since I'm so inexperienced at cold approaches.

Then a girl I haven't seen much of since high school came up to me. She's very attractive and thus is very used to guys hitting on her, so I knew if I was going to make it happen I would need tight game. We talked for a few moments, I initiated some physical contact and then I let her wonder off to see her friends. My friend gave me a pep talk to go back after it. After getting my mind in the right place and ordering another drink, I wandered upstairs to see if I could locate her.

I went onto the balcony and she was in a large group comprising mostly people I know from high school but haven't seen in a while. They invited me to join the group. I was a loser in high school, but I feel that I did very well tonight putting up the image that I'm confident and secure in myself. It was probably the alcohol, but it taught me how I should be most of the time.

I was in the group for a while and engaged the different girls individually, knocking each off their pedestal and emitting an aura of dominance. These are the girls that require negs, and I made effective use of them. I was on my game for 95% of the night, but I might have screwed up in the end by showing too much interest in the girl I'm after. To be fair, this is a high-quality girl that requires a flawless performance, and I feel like I would have definitely been successful if it had been someone of lower quality. I was feeling it tonight, but I might have screwed up a bit. I'm inexperienced at this sort of thing but I would have never imagined that I would have been as confident as I was. Regardless of how this situation works out, it's a building block for my game.

Toward the end, when the girls said they were going to another bar, I attempted to stop the girl I'm after. Since our high school isn't too far away from where we now attend college and she generally attends high school football games and such since her mother teaches there, I asked her if she'd be at homecoming next weekend (we've been out for three years now -- we're both 21). She said she thought it was last week (a definite lie) and started to walk off and said that she would come back to this bar later. I told her to "wait just a goddamn minute" and stomped out my cigarette and followed the group inside. I tapped her on the head from behind but she ignored me.

Her (smoking hot) friend stayed behind as they walked off and engaged me. Conversation goes as follows:

Me: "Is she always like this?"
Her: "What's she being like?"
Me: "Well, she's kind of being a bitch. Tell her that it's not too late to enroll in charm school. I hear that's making a big comeback."

Her group left, and I promptly bounced instead of waiting around to see if they'd come back. I have a feeling that they didn't, and I sure as fuck wasn't going to be the chump that sat around waiting or followed them to the other bar. I got in my car and drove off.

So, how should I proceed from here? I'm hoping her friend gave her my message as it was designed as a strongly-worded neg. I usually don't get to much into PUA philosophy but it was needed here as I was punching way above my weight. All in all, even if I did fuck up, I did way better than I could have imagined.

I'm going to the high school homecoming thing anyway since my presence was requested by some old friends, and there's a damn good chance she'll be there. I'm thinking I'll go and ignore her if she's there or maybe engage her but be very aloof and not terribly interested in her. I think I probably communicated too much interest tonight and need to reestablish the idea that I'm not dependent upon her and have other girls to talk to. If at all possible I want to flirt with other girls in front of her.

Am I fucked or is this salvageable?

Dude. The fuck.

 

[electricshake]

I'll try to keep it short (especially since I'm still a little drunk), but I need some advice and an analysis of my performance tonight.

I went to a bar I never go to in order to see a band I really like tonight. I had a great time, and afterward I was busy talking to a friend and he encouraged me to go talk to some girls. I was drunk, so I felt more confident than usual, but I still couldn't bring myself to do it since I'm so inexperienced at cold approaches.

Then a girl I haven't seen much of since high school came up to me. She's very attractive and thus is very used to guys hitting on her, so I knew if I was going to make it happen I would need tight game. We talked for a few moments, I initiated some physical contact and then I let her wonder off to see her friends. My friend gave me a pep talk to go back after it. After getting my mind in the right place and ordering another drink, I wandered upstairs to see if I could locate her.

I went onto the balcony and she was in a large group comprising mostly people I know from high school but haven't seen in a while. They invited me to join the group. I was a loser in high school, but I feel that I did very well tonight putting up the image that I'm confident and secure in myself. It was probably the alcohol, but it taught me how I should be most of the time.

I was in the group for a while and engaged the different girls individually, knocking each off their pedestal and emitting an aura of dominance. These are the girls that require negs, and I made effective use of them. I was on my game for 95% of the night, but I might have screwed up in the end by showing too much interest in the girl I'm after. To be fair, this is a high-quality girl that requires a flawless performance, and I feel like I would have definitely been successful if it had been someone of lower quality. I was feeling it tonight, but I might have screwed up a bit. I'm inexperienced at this sort of thing but I would have never imagined that I would have been as confident as I was. Regardless of how this situation works out, it's a building block for my game.

Toward the end, when the girls said they were going to another bar, I attempted to stop the girl I'm after. Since our high school isn't too far away from where we now attend college and she generally attends high school football games and such since her mother teaches there, I asked her if she'd be at homecoming next weekend (we've been out for three years now -- we're both 21). She said she thought it was last week (a definite lie) and started to walk off and said that she would come back to this bar later. I told her to "wait just a goddamn minute" and stomped out my cigarette and followed the group inside. I tapped her on the head from behind but she ignored me.

Her (smoking hot) friend stayed behind as they walked off and engaged me. Conversation goes as follows:

Me: "Is she always like this?"
Her: "What's she being like?"
Me: "Well, she's kind of being a bitch. Tell her that it's not too late to enroll in charm school. I hear that's making a big comeback."

Her group left, and I promptly bounced instead of waiting around to see if they'd come back. I have a feeling that they didn't, and I sure as fuck wasn't going to be the chump that sat around waiting or followed them to the other bar. I got in my car and drove off.

So, how should I proceed from here? I'm hoping her friend gave her my message as it was designed as a strongly-worded neg. I usually don't get to much into PUA philosophy but it was needed here as I was punching way above my weight. All in all, even if I did fuck up, I did way better than I could have imagined.

I'm going to the high school homecoming thing anyway since my presence was requested by some old friends, and there's a damn good chance she'll be there. I'm thinking I'll go and ignore her if she's there or maybe engage her but be very aloof and not terribly interested in her. I think I probably communicated too much interest tonight and need to reestablish the idea that I'm not dependent upon her and have other girls to talk to. If at all possible I want to flirt with other girls in front of her.

Am I fucked or is this salvageable?

I don't get the whole negging thing. What sort of things do you say? If a guy was being an arse to me, I'd tell him to fuck off, not swoon at his feet.

Also drink driving is a fucking dick move to pull.

 

[Minamu]

I don't get the whole negging thing. What sort of things do you say? If a guy was being an arse to me, I'd tell him to fuck off, not swoon at his feet.

It could be something as simple as "Nice dress. I saw another girl with the same one just a few minutes ago." The idea here is to give a compliment yet at the same time bring down the confidence and play off the insecurities of the person. Like it or not, "bitch shields" do exist in many cases and these kinds of negs are proven to break through that shield. Why anyone would want to break through that shield, that varies a lot. It's mainly done to bring the person's guard down so you can actually talk normally to them by "showing" that you're not there to hit on her (yet you are). It shows that the guy isn't afraid of the woman in question and that her looks aren't a big deal to him, which in theory will make her more curious about the guy because he's not acting like every other dudebro she meets that swoons at *her* feet.

Of course, this isn't a recommended pua technique for every kind of woman. It can easily backfire as we've seen above and if done on the wrong person (aka what pua would classify as a less than attractive woman) it can really hurt everyone involved. Pua has concluded that the hotter the woman is, the more negs are usually required to break through the barriers (a maximum of 3 I believe). It still requires a cool head and some tact obviously.

 

[FyreWulff]

It could be something as simple as "Nice dress. I saw another girl with the same one just a few minutes ago." The idea here is to give a compliment yet at the same time bring down the confidence and play off the insecurities of the person. Like it or not, "bitch shields" do exist in many cases and these kinds of negs are proven to break through that shield. Why anyone would want to break through that shield, that varies a lot. It's mainly done to bring the person's guard down so you can actually talk normally to them by "showing" that you're not there to hit on her (yet you are). It shows that the guy isn't afraid of the woman in question and that her looks aren't a big deal to him, which in theory will make her more curious about the guy because he's not acting like every other dudebro she meets that swoons at *her* feet.

Other people aren't RPG stats, buffs, and debuffs.

 

[electricshake]

It could be something as simple as "Nice dress. I saw another girl with the same one just a few minutes ago." The idea here is to give a compliment yet at the same time bring down the confidence and play off the insecurities of the person. Like it or not, "bitch shields" do exist in many cases and these kinds of negs are proven to break through that shield. Why anyone would want to break through that shield, that varies a lot. It's mainly done to bring the person's guard down so you can actually talk normally to them by "showing" that you're not there to hit on her (yet you are). It shows that the guy isn't afraid of the woman in question and that her looks aren't a big deal to him, which in theory will make her more curious about the guy because he's not acting like every other dudebro she meets that swoons at *her* feet.

Of course, this isn't a recommended pua technique for every kind of woman. It can easily backfire as we've seen above and if done on the wrong person (aka what pua would classify as a less than attractive woman) it can really hurt everyone involved. Pua has concluded that the hotter the woman is, the more negs are usually required to break through the barriers (a maximum of 3 I believe). It still requires a cool head and some tact obviously.

Hah that sounds totally ridiculous, I can't believe that it actually works (please tell me it doesn't).

 

[Cow Mengde]

I haven't been to Dating Age for a while, so this story might come out of nowhere, but I just had to get this of my chest, and it might be useful. For Cow Mengde for example. For a change try not to overanalyze things. Don't plan ahead. Don't think things through. Don't give a fuck.

edit) this might come of as arrogant. But it's not meant to be.

Thanks man.

I get what you're saying. For me, the same thing happened with job interviews. At some point, you just suddenly become confident out of nowhere. I have a ton of people contact everyday too. I spend lots of time with customers so I have no issues talking with people. I'm not socially awkward.

Just one last question. By don't give a fuck, so I straight up ask her out making my intentions clear or more casual hangout approach?

 

[Minamu]

Hah that sounds totally ridiculous, I can't believe that it actually works (please tell me it doesn't).

Negging is perhaps THE cornerstone in pickup artistry, so yeah, it does work. Not 100% of the time of course, but still. How would you feel if a guy dusted off some imaginary dust from your shoulder or hinted at smeared lipstick (or if he had the balls to try and fix it with his fingers right then and there)?

Other people aren't RPG stats, buffs, and debuffs.

I'm only trying to explain the theory. Nothing more. The pua community lives by these negs though, so I think there's sufficient evidence to support the idea as functional at least. No one would use it if it didn't work.

 

[stn]

I think a much better alternative to negging is to simply not compliment at all. Less work for the guy and also comes as off as more natural.

 

[Pre]

Okay, wow, that was an awkward post but that's what I deserve for being drunk and reckless, especially the decision to drive.

Stn, thanks for the advice. Everyone else, thanks for giving me negative feedback so I can remember what not to do next time.8 I think I'll probably cut my losses on this one and pursue other options. I said some things at the end under the influence of alcohol that I would have never in a million years said while sober, so next time I'm probably only going to have one or two drinks. Every time I get drunk I find myself doing things I shouldn't have done.

I'm still really inexperienced and I'm willing to take some lumps to get better. This night just happened to be rougher than most.

 

[Minamu]

I think a much better alternative to negging is to simply not compliment at all. Less work for the guy and also comes as off as more natural.

Yeah that in itself is pretty rare too. Better to save them for real dates or when you're closer. They'll mean more that way.

 

[electricshake]

Negging is perhaps THE cornerstone in pickup artistry, so yeah, it does work. Not 100% of the time of course, but still. How would you feel if a guy dusted off some imaginary dust from your shoulder or hinted at smeared lipstick (or if he had the balls to try and fix it with his fingers right then and there)?

I'm only trying to explain the theory. Nothing more. The pua community lives by these negs though, so I think there's sufficient evidence to support the idea as functional at least. No one would use it if it didn't work.

Honestly, I'd feel very uncomfortable with it, but I don't like people invading my personal space, particularly if it's someone I don't know (which I assume would be the case in this sort of situation). But hey, if it works for you, and that's the sort of girl you want then fair enough.

 

[Minamu]

Honestly, I'd feel very uncomfortable with it, but I don't like people invading my personal space, particularly if it's someone I don't know (which I assume would be the case in this sort of situation). But hey, if it works for you, and that's the sort of girl you want then fair enough.

I personally can't be bothered with it. It's too much work and shouldn't be necessary (and it usually isn't if you're an interesting and good person).

 

[Laekon]

This weekend my relationship of 5 years finally ended. It's been a slow build up to this point so I'm not completely torn up. It's going to be awkward as we work at the same place and most of my friends are her friends to. It was my first long term relationship and I'm not really sure what to do now. I'm trying to figure out if I should try hop right back into dating or work on myself for awhile. I'm not involved in any type of activities/clubs, I don't have any friends I hang out with that aren't work friends, and I'm about 15lbs above where I should be. Is it really possible to do both?

 

[Perspicacity]

This weekend my relationship of 5 years finally ended. It's been a slow build up to this point so I'm not completely torn up. It's going to be awkward as we work at the same place and most of my friends are her friends to. It was my first long term relationship and I'm not really sure what to do now. I'm trying to figure out if I should try hop right back into dating or work on myself for awhile. I'm not involved in any type of activities/clubs, I don't have any friends I hang out with that aren't work friends, and I'm about 15lbs above where I should be. Is it really possible to do both?

No reason you can't do both at the same time, join a gym/running group/spin class/recreational sport league and meet people there. But even if you don't meet anyone you like you're still doing something good for yourself.

 

[Idde]

Thanks man.

I get what you're saying. For me, the same thing happened with job interviews. At some point, you just suddenly become confident out of nowhere. I have a ton of people contact everyday too. I spend lots of time with customers so I have no issues talking with people. I'm not socially awkward.

Just one last question. By don't give a fuck, so I straight up ask her out making my intentions clear or more casual hangout approach?

I guess there's some stuff you actually HAVE to think about, but don't dwell on it. Decide for yourself if you want to be with her now, even though she just broke up. If yes, go up to her, make some small talk and invite her for drinks.

If you don't want to go out with her now I wouldn't invite her anyway. Less chance of 'friendzoning' yourself. And about making your intentions clear? I don't know. Last girl I just invited for drinks without mentioning the word date. Her roommate happened to be in the same bar and she asked: "Is this your date?" Which she agreed to. So my intentions were clear without explicitly saying so. Though this may vary.

Okay, wow, that was an awkward post but that's what I deserve for being drunk and reckless, especially the decision to drive.

Stn, thanks for the advice. Everyone else, thanks for giving me negative feedback so I can remember what not to do next time.8 I think I'll probably cut my losses on this one and pursue other options. I said some things at the end under the influence of alcohol that I would have never in a million years said while sober, so next time I'm probably only going to have one or two drinks. Every time I get drunk I find myself doing things I shouldn't have done.

I'm still really inexperienced and I'm willing to take some lumps to get better. This night just happened to be rougher than most.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think the negative feedback was about you doing specific things wrong, but approaching the entire situation in a PUA manner. That basically does nothing but objectify women: "If I do this and that, push these and those buttons, she'll fall for me."

Why were you pursuing her in the first place? Because you thought she was hot, or because you actually like her? Genuine question.

 

[Perspicacity]

What's with the topic title "not being a nice guy"? It has always worked for me. Being polite and nice definitely gets you girls.

Or does it mean to be the guy who just agrees with everything and comes off like he has no own opinions? Yeah that guy doesn't get any.

The "nice" is in quotations for a reason. It's specifically referring to "nice" guys who think that their being nice to women earns them some sort of entitlement to reward, then get mad because they deserve women for being "nice". Can't remember who said it or exactly how they phrased it but someone here said "you can't put friendship tokens into a woman until sex comes out".

Genuinely good, nice people are fine because genuinely nice people don't think they deserve any special privilege for being nice.

 

[Minamu]

http://www.vokle.com/events/77680-brent-smith-live
Inner game live stream going on right now. This stuff is the most important aspect of being a better person.

 

[Cow Mengde]

Decide for yourself if you want to be with her now, even though she just broke up. If yes, go up to her, make some small talk and invite her for drinks.

I don't know when she broke up. It could be months, weeks, or days. That I'm not worried about. I also didn't notice anything usual about her in the past few weeks, so she's either not bothered, broke up long ago, or is hiding her sadness REALLY well. She's a really cheerful person.

I'm more worried about creepy co-worker that we got rid of is still leaving a bad taste in her mouth. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't hesitate so much.

If you don't want to go out with her now I wouldn't invite her anyway. Less chance of 'friendzoning' yourself. And about making your intentions clear? I don't know. Last girl I just invited for drinks without mentioning the word date. Her roommate happened to be in the same bar and she asked: "Is this your date?" Which she agreed to. So my intentions were clear without explicitly saying so. Though this may vary.

Hell, we are in friendzone right now if you think about it. How we got there is very different from what others have done. I think your advice is perfect. Might as well invite her out and not think about what to call it. That I can do.

 

[pigeon]

No one would use it if it didn't work.

A system that says you should show your pent-up anger and aggression to hot girls you want to sleep with? There are a lot of reasons why people would use that that have little to do with effectiveness.

 

[Pre]

Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think the negative feedback was about you doing specific things wrong, but approaching the entire situation in a PUA manner. That basically does nothing but objectify women: "If I do this and that, push these and those buttons, she'll fall for me."

Why were you pursuing her in the first place? Because you thought she was hot, or because you actually like her? Genuine question.

Both.

I'm emotionally torn about the whole PUA thing because I don't approve of most of their methods, but my natural personality has never gotten me anywhere with women. I talk to girls and get friend-zoned and hate myself for it, and then I attempt pickup stuff, flub badly, and then hate myself even more because of how poorly I behaved.

I'm an emotional basket case and I might be better just avoiding women altogether and working on improving myself as a person and worrying about other things.

 

[pigeon]

Both.

I'm emotionally torn about the whole PUA thing because I don't approve of most of their methods, but my natural personality has never gotten me anywhere with women. I talk to girls and get friend-zoned and hate myself for it, and then I attempt pickup stuff, flub badly, and then hate myself even more because of how poorly I behaved.

I'm an emotional basket case and I might be better just avoiding women altogether and working on improving myself as a person and worrying about other things.

Not to pile on, but the thing I immediately noticed about that story is that SHE came up to YOU to say hi and later asked you if you wanted to hang out with her and her friends. You didn't have to put yourself out there. She was expressing interest in spending time with you.

 

[ThisWreckage]

I don't believe in negging and I even hate that term. If you're taking a girl out you should never open doors for her or anything like that though. A man has to go into a relationship or dating thinking, "She has to earn everything."

 

[Pre]

Not to pile on, but the thing I immediately noticed about that story is that SHE came up to YOU to say hi and later asked you if you wanted to hang out with her and her friends. You didn't have to put yourself out there. She was expressing interest in spending time with you.

I don't mind the feedback. I fucked up badly and appreciate legitimate advice. Thank you.

What little I had seen of her in the months before this led me to believe she might have some interest in me, and then last night I managed to piss that all away because I was so focused on pushing the buttons I thought would get a desirable reaction. I was doing well for a while when I was just being playful and confident and not being a dick, but at the end there I lost my mind and went off the deep end. I'm ashamed of the way I acted.

 

[AnathemicOne]

Hey guys I'm back haha.

So I'm still in the process of moving on but anywyas I met an old friend of mine who I previously had a crush on but never acted on it.

Said friend attended the same high school and now the same college, and is a grade year younger than me. Due to the year apart of me attending college and her going through senior year contact between us ended and she removed me off Facebook to clear out her friends list, no biggie.

Tuesday I met her on the way to my car and she going to her class. Exchanged brief greetings and we went our seperate ways. That night I re-added her on Facebook and on Wednesday (via Facebook) we agreed that we should hang out next Tuesday (this upcoming Tuesday) for lunch and whatnot.

So I'm looking forward to hanging out with her as I don't recall any hanging out between us during high school other than screwing around in our Chemistry class. As I'm now taking a "no regrets" approach when it comes to relationships I believe that this might be another opportunity for me. She's cute and has a really nice personality (from what I remember) so on Tuesday I guess I'll see what's changed/remained the same. Hopefully it all goes well.

 

[Minamu]

http://www.wimp.com/lovereminder/

Obey the Nike slogan and stop the over analyzing

 

[Pre]

I don't believe in negging and I even hate that term. If you're taking a girl out you should never open doors for her or anything like that though. A man has to go into a relationship or dating thinking, "She has to earn everything."

This is true. I hate it, but it seems that these days you're only allowed to be a true gentlemen once a relationship has already been established. That's been my experience, anyway. Maybe it's just my age group, but dating seems like a minefield where there's always more hoops to jump through and chivalry and such is often viewed as weakness.

 

[I'm an expert]

Man..back in my day you just acted normal and talked to women and weird stuff like conversations and hanging out and dates happened. Nowadays it seems you need a game plan and some pokeballs.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Man..back in my day you just acted normal and talked to women and weird stuff like conversations and hanging out and dates happened. Nowadays it seems you need a game plan and some pokeballs.

You can get away with just regular balls

 

[mblitek]

So Gents/Gals here is the lowdown on my date on Sunday.

So I purposely get to Cafe early, really busy, order a coffee (even though I can't drink it, just so I look relaxed). She comes a bit afterwards, we go get her coffee and a scone to share. She paid at my behest and laughed it off as in, "I know why you want to pay but no big deal" type thing.

We get back to our table and after some awkward (nothing major) shuffling at the small table because of its height and my wheelchair we get seated. Initial blah blah how was your week etc. First big question, asks me if I was ever depressed after my injury because she would be. She was impressed with my answer etc.

Then we start talking and laughing some more. Great convo and we keep talking and laughing. We talk about school somehow and she recognizes my program as she didn't get in because she didn't have the ~95% average to get in, so I'm thinking "Sweet, at least she knows I'm genuinely smart now." I make a dumbass move and say "Not really - (in a nonchalant way, as I'm humble) but yeaahhhh, I never took notes either" she smiles & laughs and says "Oh, sooo you were the naturally smart guy in school who got away with [...]" So I regret that even though I didn't mean to brag! Accidental slip up #2, I said that my Father also used to have a restaurant but wasn't successful & a dealership blah blah, but only in passing, I didn't say it in as in I'm some wealthy dude because a) who cares about money & b) who cares what your parents accomplished, it's what you do.

Aside from that the 2hrs flew by and we both had a ebb & flow conversation w/ laughter. She never once checked her purse, phone, or go to the bathroom etc. My friend (a girl) that drove me came early to pick me up but just sat behind me in the corner, I didn't know she was there. She said that judging from her body language leaning forward, open/not closed off, not looking away, giving me my coffee etc. She had to leave to finish up work, she works really close by. She offered to go for a walk and show me around (it's a unique area) but I had to decline as it was FREEZING and I forgot to bring a jacket and last year I had BAD pneumonia, almost died. I told her as much I would like to I can't because of that and she understood. We said pleasantries and she said goodbye after being really concerned that my friend might be awhile etc. I think it went well, tomorrow after work I'll send her a message. What do I say? Next step?

Crap, long post :|

 

[Log4Girlz]

So Gents/Gals here is the lowdown on my date on Sunday.

So I purposely get to Cafe early, really busy, order a coffee (even though I can't drink it, just so I look relaxed). She comes a bit afterwards, we go get her coffee and a scone to share. She paid at my behest and laughed it off as in, "I know why you want to pay but no big deal" type thing.

We get back to our table and after some awkward (nothing major) shuffling at the small table because of its height and my wheelchair we get seated. Initial blah blah how was your week etc. First big question, asks me if I was ever depressed after my injury because she would be. She was impressed with my answer etc.

Then we start talking and laughing some more. Great convo and we keep talking and laughing. We talk about school somehow and she recognizes my program as she didn't get in because she didn't have the ~95% average to get in, so I'm thinking "Sweet, at least she knows I'm genuinely smart now." I make a dumbass move and say "Not really - (in a nonchalant way, as I'm humble) but yeaahhhh, I never took notes either" she smiles & laughs and says "Oh, sooo you were the naturally smart guy in school who got away with [...]" So I regret that even though I didn't mean to brag! Accidental slip up #2, I said that my Father also used to have a restaurant but wasn't successful & a dealership blah blah, but only in passing, I didn't say it in as in I'm some wealthy dude because a) who cares about money & b) who cares what your parents accomplished, it's what you do.

Aside from that the 2hrs flew by and we both had a ebb & flow conversation w/ laughter. She never once checked her purse, phone, or go to the bathroom etc. My friend (a girl) that drove me came early to pick me up but just sat behind me in the corner, I didn't know she was there. She said that judging from her body language leaning forward, open/not closed off, not looking away, giving me my coffee etc. She had to leave to finish up work, she works really close by. She offered to go for a walk and show me around (it's a unique area) but I had to decline as it was FREEZING and I forgot to bring a jacket and last year I had BAD pneumonia, almost died. I told her as much I would like to I can't because of that and she understood. We said pleasantries and she said goodbye after being really concerned that my friend might be awhile etc. I think it went well, tomorrow after work I'll send her a message. What do I say? Next step?

Crap, long post :|

Throw a pokeball at her

 

[Aesius]

Okay, wow, that was an awkward post but that's what I deserve for being drunk and reckless, especially the decision to drive.

Stn, thanks for the advice. Everyone else, thanks for giving me negative feedback so I can remember what not to do next time.8 I think I'll probably cut my losses on this one and pursue other options. I said some things at the end under the influence of alcohol that I would have never in a million years said while sober, so next time I'm probably only going to have one or two drinks. Every time I get drunk I find myself doing things I shouldn't have done.

I'm still really inexperienced and I'm willing to take some lumps to get better. This night just happened to be rougher than most.

You sound like you are trying way too hard. I made the same mistake with PUA techniques in the beginning. I was a total asshole to a lot of girls. It sort of worked, but mostly I just felt like a jerk.

I finally landed a girl I liked right after I cut that shit out. I recommend you do the same. Also... Stop going after really hot girls. Seriously. At 21, most of them are WAY more trouble than they are worth.

 

[NoTacos]

This thread is really pushing me to do something with my life. I already know how to cook a decent meal, I'm planning to start on my driver's license, and I just e-mailed the president of my school's boxing club asking to join. Hopefully all goes well.

Thanks for the motivation GAF.

 

[Idde]

I don't know when she broke up. It could be months, weeks, or days. That I'm not worried about. I also didn't notice anything usual about her in the past few weeks, so she's either not bothered, broke up long ago, or is hiding her sadness REALLY well. She's a really cheerful person.

I'm more worried about creepy co-worker that we got rid of is still leaving a bad taste in her mouth. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't hesitate so much.

Well, perhaps a good way to gauge that would be to ask her out for some drinks? See how she responds. If she clearly isn't interested you'll know, if she says yes you'll know as well. Easy as pie.

Both.

I'm emotionally torn about the whole PUA thing because I don't approve of most of their methods, but my natural personality has never gotten me anywhere with women. I talk to girls and get friend-zoned and hate myself for it, and then I attempt pickup stuff, flub badly, and then hate myself even more because of how poorly I behaved.

I'm an emotional basket case and I might be better just avoiding women altogether and working on improving myself as a person and worrying about other things.

Why would one exclude the other? If you like talking to girls I'd keep that up. It's probably good to get some practice. Though the way it sounds you don't have trouble just talking to women. But perhaps be less... I don't know PUA-y? Talk to a lot of girls, find out what your strong points are, and use them in your advantage.

And to make yourself more attractive you could...make yourself more attractive? Do a lot of stuff that you think would make you a better person. Not only will this make you more attractive, but you'll also be content with yourself. Always a nice thing.

This is true. I hate it, but it seems that these days you're only allowed to be a true gentlemen once a relationship has already been established. That's been my experience, anyway. Maybe it's just my age group, but dating seems like a minefield where there's always more hoops to jump through and chivalry and such is often viewed as weakness.

Pardon my French, but I think this is such bullshit. Perhaps it has to do with your age group (I'm a whopping 26) but everybody appreciates it when you hold a door for someone, be it male or female. If you accompany it with a charming smile, you might even get a smile or a thank you in return.

I sincerely doubt not doing anything polite or chivalrous makes you come of as strong. I personally think it makes you look inconsiderate.

I think it comes down to this: If you want lots of women, continue with the PUA stuff. Learn from your mistakes and get 'mad game'. But then I don't think GAF is the ideal place for you to ask advice. And this is probably the easiest way. All you have to do is learn to pick up chicks. From a manual and lots of personal testing.

If you actually want a relationship, I doubt you can rely on PUA stuff. It's just a facade, that you can't keep up when you're in a relationship. For that you might have to actually improve yourself, be interested in other people and find someone who you really like. This takes a shitload of work. I've been there (and still sort of am)

 

[Antagon]

So Gents/Gals here is the lowdown on my date on Sunday.

So I purposely get to Cafe early, really busy, order a coffee (even though I can't drink it, just so I look relaxed). She comes a bit afterwards, we go get her coffee and a scone to share. She paid at my behest and laughed it off as in, "I know why you want to pay but no big deal" type thing.

We get back to our table and after some awkward (nothing major) shuffling at the small table because of its height and my wheelchair we get seated. Initial blah blah how was your week etc. First big question, asks me if I was ever depressed after my injury because she would be. She was impressed with my answer etc.

Then we start talking and laughing some more. Great convo and we keep talking and laughing. We talk about school somehow and she recognizes my program as she didn't get in because she didn't have the ~95% average to get in, so I'm thinking "Sweet, at least she knows I'm genuinely smart now." I make a dumbass move and say "Not really - (in a nonchalant way, as I'm humble) but yeaahhhh, I never took notes either" she smiles & laughs and says "Oh, sooo you were the naturally smart guy in school who got away with [...]" So I regret that even though I didn't mean to brag! Accidental slip up #2, I said that my Father also used to have a restaurant but wasn't successful & a dealership blah blah, but only in passing, I didn't say it in as in I'm some wealthy dude because a) who cares about money & b) who cares what your parents accomplished, it's what you do.

Aside from that the 2hrs flew by and we both had a ebb & flow conversation w/ laughter. She never once checked her purse, phone, or go to the bathroom etc. My friend (a girl) that drove me came early to pick me up but just sat behind me in the corner, I didn't know she was there. She said that judging from her body language leaning forward, open/not closed off, not looking away, giving me my coffee etc. She had to leave to finish up work, she works really close by. She offered to go for a walk and show me around (it's a unique area) but I had to decline as it was FREEZING and I forgot to bring a jacket and last year I had BAD pneumonia, almost died. I told her as much I would like to I can't because of that and she understood. We said pleasantries and she said goodbye after being really concerned that my friend might be awhile etc. I think it went well, tomorrow after work I'll send her a message. What do I say? Next step?

Crap, long post :|

Just send her a message and say that you had a great time. Might be fun to ask her to show you the area she talked about for a follow up date.

Anyway, sounds like you weren't overthinking about what to do and you got along well. Just keep at it, do what comes natural and see where it goes.

 

[stn]

Yeah, this PUA stuff is a bit too much. The best way to approach things is to be to calm, fun, and friendly. Also doesn't hurt to try some humor. That's really all it takes, I've found.

You can certainly pull off negging, sure, but I think for that you need to be VERY confident before you even do it. That kind of skill requires prior practice and experience. People often misinterpret the "Don't be a nice guy" into being a jerk. NO! It should really say "Don't be a PASSIVE guy," because that's what the problem actually is.

Its good to be nice, polite, and kind. Any girl who doesn't appreciate that isn't worth your time. HOWEVER, don't let your politeness scare you away from making your intentions VERY clear to a girl.

This post isn't really directed at anyone, just a culmination of everything I've been thinking since reading the last few pages. Good luck to guys like Pre, hope he finds his place in all this chaos.

 

[Minamu]

This thread is really pushing me to do something with my life. I already know how to cook a decent meal, I'm planning to start on my driver's license, and I just e-mailed the president of my school's boxing club asking to join. Hopefully all goes well.

Thanks for the motivation GAF.

This is what we want to see! Good job. These are things that will make you a better and more attractive person.

 

[RionaaM]

This is true. I hate it, but it seems that these days you're only allowed to be a true gentlemen once a relationship has already been established. That's been my experience, anyway. Maybe it's just my age group, but dating seems like a minefield where there's always more hoops to jump through and chivalry and such is often viewed as weakness.

What? So you shouldn't act nice? Don't open the door for her, don't let her step first and such? That's good to know, I guess.

 

[I'm an expert]

Don't forget to spit in her face. Then she'll know you're a real man.

 

[Cow Mengde]

Well, perhaps a good way to gauge that would be to ask her out for some drinks? See how she responds. If she clearly isn't interested you'll know, if she says yes you'll know as well. Easy as pie.

This also brings up an interesting thing about our current situation. If I wasn't her co-worker and I followed this exactly, I would have gotten a "no" from her because she doesn't drink. Knowing is half the battle.

It is good advice, but any other casual activities ideas? Lunch also out of the question because we need at least 1 person in the office. I'm waiting to watch Wreck-It-Ralph soon anyway and it's been my plan.

 

[Perspicacity]

What? So you shouldn't act nice? Don't open the door for her, don't let her step first and such? That's good to know, I guess.

He also thinks that poking a girl in the back of her head and calling her a bitch is the way to her heart. Maybe take his comments with a grain of salt.

 

[dralla]

Started new job, really like girl that works there. Should I just go in there and ask her out or get to know her first? We've only said Hi to each other a few times, don't even know her name lol, we don't work directly together, we're in different departments. decisions decisions!

 

[Idde]

This also brings up an interesting thing about our current situation. If I wasn't her co-worker and I followed this exactly, I would have gotten a "no" from her because she doesn't drink. Knowing is half the battle.

It is good advice, but any other casual activities ideas? Lunch also out of the question because we need at least 1 person in the office. I'm waiting to watch Wreck-It-Ralph soon anyway and it's been my plan.

And THIS is overanalyzing. You can't work all of these little details into a perfect plan, just to make sure she'll come on the date with you. If she doesn't like you (enough) she'll say no to drinks, if she does she'll say yes. Even though she doesn't drink. Point in case: my date on friday? The one I invited for drinks? She had nothing but tea that night. Unless your co-worker doesn't drink at all. Like, she's some sort of alien. In that case, this is out of my league

If you plan everything ahead, and one of those things falls through, then what?

 

[Perspicacity]

Started new job, really like girl that works there. Should I just go in there and ask her out or get to know her first? We've only said Hi to each other a few times, don't even know her name lol, we don't work directly together, we're in different departments. decisions decisions!

Depends on how big the company is/what sort of business/etc. Are there ways at work in which the two of you could interact a bit more? You don't want to build a reputation as being "that guy" at your new job.

 

[dralla]

ah it's whole foods, 200+ employees. I'm leaning towards going for it, I just need some confidence building!

 

[zethren]

Started new job, really like girl that works there. Should I just go in there and ask her out or get to know her first? We've only said Hi to each other a few times, don't even know her name lol, we don't work directly together, we're in different departments. decisions decisions!

Ask her out to get to know her.

 

[dralla]

I want to! ugh, going in soon, hopefully she's there today, I'd like to do it today, but I probably won't I'm gonna try though, we'll see.

 

[rCIZZLE]

Yeah, this PUA stuff is a bit too much. The best way to approach things is to be to calm, fun, and friendly. Also doesn't hurt to try some humor. That's really all it takes, I've found.

You can certainly pull off negging, sure, but I think for that you need to be VERY confident before you even do it. That kind of skill requires prior practice and experience. People often misinterpret the "Don't be a nice guy" into being a jerk. NO! It should really say "Don't be a PASSIVE guy," because that's what the problem actually is.

Its good to be nice, polite, and kind. Any girl who doesn't appreciate that isn't worth your time. HOWEVER, don't let your politeness scare you away from making your intentions VERY clear to a girl.

This post isn't really directed at anyone, just a culmination of everything I've been thinking since reading the last few pages. Good luck to guys like Pre, hope he finds his place in all this chaos.

It seems gaf's idea of "pua" is pretty outdated. Most of it is just teaching yourself to stay cool and collected, how to keep conversation interesting, and some general nonos that someone might be doing that makes everyone have a lower opinion of them. Not something I pay much attention to but I'm sure all of us regular guys can benefit a little from someone with tons of social experience pointing out faults. Not all of it is pickup lines and sexual harrassment lol.

 

[Oxn]

I want to! ugh, going in soon, hopefully she's there today, I'd like to do it today, but I probably won't I'm gonna try though, we'll see.

Whole food in Union Sq?