so yeah got dumped over two months ago, was the love of my life, thought we'd be married, have kids, etc. hasn't gotten easier, but I was living with it. except now the ex is falling for someone new and they're basically dating. family tries to deny it as "just friends" but it's just to make me feel better. I know everyone goes through these things but this is my first time and I am fucking broken and I need something to help fast before I lose it. st. john's wort hasn't helped in the past 9 weeks, and I don't want to hit the hard stuff yet as I refuse to even take an Advil for a headache. are there any hobbies, activities, anything at all to at least ease my mind for a little while, please
There's actually a four step process for this to get out of the "lover's shadow" (learning this in one of my psychology classes.) My professor joked that if you ever need to get over someone, this is the process. But I do think it's useful in a sense.
1. A destroyer enters to stop the attachment- Basically just means find someone or something to end the attachment between you and your ex, it's a painful process that isn't easy to get over but takes a little time.
2. Look at life and see that life is plentiful and not scarce - The more we care and love each other, the more we get it in return.
3. Health warrior may energize you to set boundaries and self care for "tough love" - basically that just means, set healthy boundaries for yourself to get better and instill a "tough love" policy to get back on your feet. (Think that last part just means, for example: if your ex tries to contact you, your boundaries and "tough love" are to reject her contact and go back to healing yourself)
4. Learn to love yourself for who you are, not what you aren't.
You don't have to take in all of it, but I do think setting yourself boundaries to getting better and blocking all contact from her is key.
As for stuff and hobbies to get your mind off of this, recommend to always be surrounded by your friends (and try to find someone that will listen and actually cares about you) and try some new hobbies you've been meaning to do.
(What helps me is doing art, writing, and cooking...girly, but other stuff might do is find new music or a sport to do.)
Hoped this helped in some way.
Thanks, I'd like to be there if I'm able to. So many great people here. And this isn't being condescending, in case someone takes this badly. I sincerely think there's a lot of goodness in this thread, helping everyone who's in pain, or in need of an ear, a person who'll listen. It's a shame we all live scattered through the globe, but at least the internet is a wonderful tool for communicating.
You're welcome, hope you're able to come!
Yes, most importantly, we all care about one another in some extent.
And I don't think your comment is condescending at all!
I do think it is a shame we're all scattered, if I had half of you guys near me down in the South, things might just be a little better, heh.
I don't know what to do. Literally.
It's 11:30pm, I'm alone, I have no friends. Watching tv, browsing on the internet, and playing video games are all a waste of time.
I need a job, could filll out applications, but it's tedious and makes me feel miserable.
I could exercise for like an hour, but that's just an hour.
I could meditate, but that's just another small amount of time.
I don't know what I want to do as a career, so I can't practice study skills for anything.
I won't be going to sleep for like.... 8 hours.
What I want to do is make friends, but social anxiety.
We're your friends right? Depression GAF is like one big family!
I'm not sure if I'm suspecting right (correct me if I'm wrong) but please, breathe!
Take a deep breathe and breathe!
There's no use if you just jumble and mash all your worries together at one time, start with the "easiest" worry of yours first, then do the others.
It just makes you more anxious than you already are.
You need a job but sounds like you are stressed to even do the applications.
Try that hour of exercise. It is not just an hour, it's an hour for
you to get better. It's not just an hour.