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[Deleted member 80556]

First-time poster:

Don't be sorry for posting here. For me you are all magnificent people. It has been a wonder to see you talk, and saddens me that you have thought of taking your life.

I care. You think I am just a random internet guy, but believe me, I cry for you guys. I cry when I read that you will try to kill yourselves. I feel you. I have been in that position before. I have thought the same things, except it happened when I was only 7.

And I can tell you. There will be a way out, eventually. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me. Please.

 

[Prodigal]

On so many fucking meds right now; hard to tell if I was better off 'em or better now. Certainly don't feel great at the moment...fighting the strong urge to do some serious cutting. Maybe one day I'll get the balls to it for real. Too much family around right now to do that though.

Don't even know why I'm posting this shit. lol

 

[Bagels]

Election Day Depression-GAF chat on irc! I'm not in charge of it, but details should appear...at some point? This should be less random than the skype chats.

More interviews coming, hopefully!

 

[bjb]

My girlfriend of 9 months has BPD and in the past month there have been several suicide attempts. she seems to be getting closer and closer and im fucking terrified. everything was fine until her ex husband filed for custody of the kids a few months back and now she is unintentionally pregnant and is probably going to miscarriage or have an abortion. the obvious solution is to have her taken to an in patient, but having been to the two 'affordable' (aka mandatory, shittiest) ones myself, and know how hellish its like in there and how she needs a bpd specialist, the thought of subjecting her to that seems crueler than letting her die. anyone with any experience on this?

As someone who has been in a relationship with another who had BPD - I wish you well friend. All I can really say that getting out of that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Ultimately I came to realize that the stress, instability and overall problems the disease caused made me realize that I shouldn't sacrifice my happiness having to put up with it. Naturally she moved on pretty quick - I'm thankful I can find someone who's a better fit.

 

[KevinCow]

Jesus fucking christ, now I remember why I hate my mom so much. Stupid bitch keeps trying to throw this passive-aggressive guilt trip at me, bringing up the costs of hospitals and lawyers and shit. Like I don't fucking already know that and feel like shit about it.

You know what? I'm starting to wish I had died when I overdosed just to spite her. Yeah, you dumb bitch, a funeral's cheaper than lawyers and hospitals and shit, you happy now?


And my sleep schedule's fucked up. I stay up all night and sleep all day. I've been trying to fix this, but then my fucking parents wake me up like 2 or 3 hours after I've finally fallen asleep (and I'll tell you, getting guilt-tripped about things you already feel shitty about is a wonderful way to wake up), and then they're fucking SHOCKED when I sleep the whole day away because it takes me a while to get back to sleep.

Look, I fell asleep at 5 and had my alarm set for 12. I was going to get 7 hours of sleep. Now I'm awake at 8, I probably won't get back to sleep until 10 or 11. So now I'm not getting up until 4 or 5, and the whole day's gone. GEE KEVIN, WHY DIDN'T YOU GET ANYTHING DONE TODAY? Fuck you.

 

[Collete]

First-time poster:

Don't be sorry for posting here. For me you are all magnificent people. It has been a wonder to see you talk, and saddens me that you have thought of taking your life.

I care. You think I am just a random internet guy, but believe me, I cry for you guys. I cry when I read that you will try to kill yourselves. I feel you. I have been in that position before. I have thought the same things, except it happened when I was only 7.

And I can tell you. There will be a way out, eventually. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me. Please.

Brought a tear to my eye...
It's been 16 years I believe, I never seen the light at the end of the tunnel.
Not once even when I kept being on the verge of death, did I ever see it.
I'm not sure if it exists for me, I done too much crap in my life that maybe I don't deserve to see that light?
I'm not sure...

 

[Bowflex]

As someone who has been in a relationship with another who had BPD - I wish you well friend. All I can really say that getting out of that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Ultimately I came to realize that the stress, instability and overall problems the disease caused made me realize that I shouldn't sacrifice my happiness having to put up with it. Naturally she moved on pretty quick - I'm thankful I can find someone who's a better fit.

I know, the push/pull thing and the guilt and manipulation are killing me. i can't leave. i can't stay. i'm just....fuck. ive experienced major, MAJOR depression, year long agoraphobic anxiety, bipolar, even schizoid/schizophrenia first hand, but bpd was the one thing i knew almost nothing about. all i can say is that people who abuse innocent children are evil and need to be punished thoroughly.

anyways, good luck to everyone in this thread. productive life = happy life. be productive and you'll love yourself.

 

[mooooose]

Feeling bad.

 

[Collete]

Same, man.
Why do you feel bad if I may ask?

 

[njean777]

I keep thinking about whether or not I should post here, but I figure it can’t hurt. Although part of me is afraid that friends that read GAF will find my post, but I’m going to assume that none of them read this thread. Still kind of wish I could post anonymously. :/

I feel terrible posting here because I don’t know if I actually have depression or anything wrong with my brain chemically or if it’s just circumstantial stuff. I’ve seen plenty of therapists over the years, and I’m seeing one now, and I saw a psychiatrist for the first time, but they’ve all said medication was unnecessary. And I did try being completely honest with them. I’ve never had any of them mention any kind of anxiety disorder, but this is a pretty accurate depiction of how I’m feeling. So I guess I’m thinking that I’m just making a huge fuss about nothing and I should just suck it up. And I know I have a much easier battle then many people out there and in this thread. But maybe just writing this all out will help a bit, and honestly I’m scared of continuing to bother my friends about it because I feel at this point it’s just getting frustrating and hard to deal with. And I’ve definitely lost friends because of it in the past, so I’m utterly terrified of it happening again. But I can’t keep it in my head any longer (of course, there’s talking to my therapist, but Hurricane Sandy has made that difficult this past week), and I figure if I post about it here, I won’t bother my friends about it as much anymore.

I feel completely worthless. My self-esteem – in regards to everything – has plummeted in the past few months and I really don’t want it to get worse. I’ve always had shit self esteem when it came to looks and what not (21, never been in a relationship, virgin. standard nerd stereotype. except I feel even worse about it because I’m a girl and supposedly the only reason I’d ever be alone is because I choose to be. So I really must have fucked up somewhere along the line.) But now I’ve dropped out of college for the second time, and I just feel like a failure. And it seeps into everything I do. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I can’t do a single thing right. I was supposed to set up a website for one of my friends tonight and couldn’t get a single line of code to work and spent a couple of hours crying over it. I know that sounds stupid and quite frankly pathetic, but I just want to be able to feel I’m capable at one thing. Just one. Because so far every time I’ve tried my hand at something that takes even the minimum of skill and competence, I fail.

I’ve applied to two colleges in the city for a transfer, but since I made my decision to drop out of my old school kind of late, I didn’t make the deadline so I have even less of a chance to get in. I’m honestly not sure what I’ll do if I can’t go back to school in the spring.

But I guess I’ll freak out about that later. Right now I’m just not sure how to deal with bad nights like these where I fail at one thing and then I spiral and a few hours later I’m having a hard time seeing any positives about myself and why my friends even bother. I know I’m extremely lucky to have them, but I’m just waiting for them to realize I’m not worth the trouble. How has Depression GAF dealt with raising self esteem? Even if it’s in tiny baby steps. Of course I plan to talk to my therapist about this later this week (if recovery from the hurricane goes as planned.) At the very least writing this has helped entertain me since I’m kind of not looking forward to laying in bed and keeping myself up with even worse thoughts. So I’ve just been trying to keep myself occupied until I knock out from exhaustion.

So i just want to end this by saying thanks for reading if you got this far and you all deserve big hugs. I wish I could offer more support than this, but if anyone's ever up late at night and needs to talk to someone - if only to escape the terrible echo-chambers that our brains can sometimes turn into - chances are I'll be up and happy to lend an ear.

You sound exactly like me, I have the same thing going on. Although I feel at times I suffer from OCD, but I try not to self diagnose myself as that can make things a lot worse. I am a male and still a virgin and am 23, so do not feel bad about yourself at all about that issue. Maybe me and you have the same attitude about love/relationships and feel that either they are not necessary or we are just waiting to meet somebody that fills more then half of our standards. My standards are not high, just I havent met one girl that has met even half of them (that is single). It feels as though all the girls I do meet that I feel I would have a decent relationship with are taken already, so I have gotten to the point where I do not even try most of the time unless it is apparent she does not have a boyfriend.

School really is the only thing I am doing right now, and still coming up short in a few areas. I really need to start concentrating more on it but just am falling by the wayside more and more. Next semester I promised myself I would rise up and stop wasting my time, which for right now seems to actually be happening. The only thing I can really say is to just try and when you feel the feelings of failure let them in, do not suppress them, becuase after awhile they will stop.

As a matter of fact anybody suffering from morbid thoughts, or violent thoughts should let them in (that is what I have learned). Ever since I have started to let them in and entertain them a bit they usually go away and have now stopped coming by a lot. I still have them, just not as often since I am not trying to suppress them at all. I have learned that suppressing them all the time sends you in a spiral of even more, not to mention it gives me headaches so that got old really fast. Maybe talk to your therapist about this method and see what they say.

 

[mooooose]

Same, man.
Why do you feel bad if I may ask?

Quote to read.

If you reply, I'd prefer to PM.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

Election Day Depression-GAF chat on irc! I'm not in charge of it, but details should appear...at some point? This should be less random than the skype chats.

Right. The Skype chat is pretty dead (although if anyone still wants to join, just PM me your Skype name!) at the moment, so I thought I'd schedule a chat - instead of just creating an open chat room for people to randomly wonder into, whenever - in an effort to get more people to participate. If this chat proves to be a success, then maybe we can do it regularly.

Anyway, the url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is

(Quote to read)

What would be a good time for everyone?

 

[Dice]

I would recommend setting up a mibbit. That way people can connect online (which doesn't use flash) or an IRC client. That's what we do with kpopGAF.

 

[Collete]

Right. The Skype chat is pretty dead (although if anyone still wants to join, just PM me your Skype name!) at the moment, so I thought I'd schedule a chat - instead of just creating an open chat room for people to randomly wonder into, whenever - in an effort to get more people to participate. If this chat proves to be a success, then maybe we can do it regularly.

Anyway, the url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is

(Quote to read)

What would be a good time for everyone?

I don't care about time, any time is good.

 

[Napoleonthechimp]

I've thought about taking a combination of L Tyrosine and 5-HTP to combat anxiety and depression. The tyrosine has a noticeable effect but the 5-HTP only seems to work when I'm asleep, and even then the effect is minimal. Still, I'm going to see what the effect is like in combination with the tyrosine (which helps boost neurotransmitter and hormone levels).

 

[RatskyWatsky]

I would recommend setting up a mibbit. That way people can connect online (which doesn't use flash) or an IRC client. That's what we do with kpopGAF.

I tried that initially, but I couldn't figure out how to set it up. It was really confusing! >__<

 

[Bagels]

I tried that initially, but I couldn't figure out how to set it up. It was really confusing! >__<

I'm fine with the tinychat, whenever it goes up. Or, if someone can set up something fancier, that works too.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

What about 1:30 Pacific?

 

[Bagels]

Right. The Skype chat is pretty dead (although if anyone still wants to join, just PM me your Skype name!) at the moment, so I thought I'd schedule a chat - instead of just creating an open chat room for people to randomly wonder into, whenever - in an effort to get more people to participate. If this chat proves to be a success, then maybe we can do it regularly.

Anyway, the url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is

(Quote to read)

What would be a good time for everyone?

Starting!

 

[Collete]

Starting!

And still is!

Edit: still going on as well

 

[Deleted member 80556]

Brought a tear to my eye...
It's been 16 years I believe, I never seen the light at the end of the tunnel.
Not once even when I kept being on the verge of death, did I ever see it.
I'm not sure if it exists for me, I done too much crap in my life that maybe I don't deserve to see that light?
I'm not sure...

Everybody deserves to see the light, friend, even you. Don't say you're not sure, because I saw that light after years.

You will see it, if you want. Keep going.

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

Being tasked with menial tasks at work and boss bearing down on me.

I just don't give a shit.

"How can I make this easier?"

Who gives a shit? You don't listen to input, you're afraid of rocking the boat, and your long term planning is one fucking step ahead.

Meanwhile I'm not sure if I'm being dicked around by this freelance work. Midwestern yokel stereotypes ahoy!

Blech!

So I flipped the black coin I carry.

Today was not the day to put in my two week notice.

I'll try again next week.

Listening to the Adam Carolla show and he relayed a story of a father thanking him for motivating his daughter to stop hanging out with losers. Which is something I desperately need to do.

Anchor or Sail.

You're one or the other, and I don't have fucking time for anchors. Not when I'm the biggest and heaviest of all of them.

 

[madp]

I was a poll worker today. A lot of my former classmates from high school came in to vote, and most had kids or had a job that they were happy in or were getting married soon. I avoided my five year class reunion last year precisely because I didn't want to be reminded of what a social failure I am compared to everyone else, but it finally caught up with me tonight. Why am I so utterly unfulfilled compared to them when I have the same emotional wants and needs? I know that I'm supposed to have a "fuck social expectations" attitude and all that, but it doesn't exactly work if a normal life is what you genuinely want. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder if I'm even human. Why am I the only one among my peers who has none of the things that give life meaning and make it bearable? Why am I so different? I don't feel that different, but I clearly am.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

We had a pretty good turn out for our first ever scheduled chat. About 6 people joined us, and we discussed a multitude of fascinating topics! Hopefully more people will join in on the next one!

How about this Saturday at 5:00 Pacific?

 

[neojubei]

I was a poll worker today. A lot of my former classmates from high school came in to vote, and most had kids or had a job that they were happy in or were getting married soon. I avoided my five year class reunion last year precisely because I didn't want to be reminded of what a social failure I am compared to everyone else, but it finally caught up with me tonight. Why am I so utterly unfulfilled compared to them when I have the same emotional wants and needs? I know that I'm supposed to have a "fuck social expectations" attitude and all that, but it doesn't exactly work if a normal life is what you genuinely want. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder if I'm even human. Why am I the only one among my peers who has none of the things that give life meaning and make it bearable? Why am I so different? I don't feel that different, but I clearly am.

I fee the same way. I'm just going to end it on thanksgiving and been done with life.

 

[Collete]

Everybody deserves to see the light, friend, even you. Don't say you're not sure, because I saw that light after years.

You will see it, if you want. Keep going.

I see...
I just hope I live long enough to see that light.
I really do.

I was a poll worker today. A lot of my former classmates from high school came in to vote, and most had kids or had a job that they were happy in or were getting married soon. I avoided my five year class reunion last year precisely because I didn't want to be reminded of what a social failure I am compared to everyone else, but it finally caught up with me tonight. Why am I so utterly unfulfilled compared to them when I have the same emotional wants and needs? I know that I'm supposed to have a "fuck social expectations" attitude and all that, but it doesn't exactly work if a normal life is what you genuinely want. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder if I'm even human. Why am I the only one among my peers who has none of the things that give life meaning and make it bearable? Why am I so different? I don't feel that different, but I clearly am.

Well just keep in mind, I'm sure there were people like you that didn't even go to their class reunion.
I sure as hell know I'm not going to mine, waste of time and not worth seeing all the bullies I had again. (I'm still unemployed and majorly depressed as well!)
I know for a fact not everyone is going to have a picture perfect life (especially in that reunion and even where you worked at the polls, where people will tend to brag how "successful" they are...They probably have a failing marriage, in debt, paying for a huge mortgage they're unlikely to pay off, etc.)
A lot of people want a normal life in our present situation.
What matters is we take small, even if you think it's miniscule, steps to get to our destination.
Eventually gathering all those tiny steps will equate to something bigger down our path.

We had a pretty good turn out for our first ever scheduled chat. About 6 people joined us, and we discussed a multitude of fascinating topics! Hopefully more people will join in on the next one!

How about this Saturday at 5:00 Pacific?

I know for a fact I won't be there, have to go out with family.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

I fee the same way. I'm just going to end it on thanksgiving and been done with life.

I know for a fact I won't be there, have to go out with family.

Are Saturdays in general not good for you? I could always reschedule. I just picked Saturday evening because it seemed more convenient than doing it again on a Tuesday in the middle of the day. I'm open to suggestions.

 

[Collete]

Are Saturdays in general not good for you? I could always reschedule. I just picked Saturday evening because it seemed more convenient than doing it again on a Tuesday in the middle of the day. I'm open to suggestions.

Nah Saturdays usually are fine on most occasions, just this week family decided to go out since I'll be done with exams for awhile.
Well only concern with Tuesday afternoons, is not many people will show up
I'm usually good around 7 PM central time on most days.

Edit: Huh I just realized that's still 5 PM Pacific haha. But I still won't show up most likely.

 

[RionaaM]

We had a pretty good turn out for our first ever scheduled chat. About 6 people joined us, and we discussed a multitude of fascinating topics! Hopefully more people will join in on the next one!

How about this Saturday at 5:00 Pacific?

What's it that you all do? Join a chat and start talking there? Seems interesting, in case you don't mind me joining.

 

[Collete]

What's it that you all do? Join a chat and start talking there? Seems interesting, in case you don't mind me joining.

More the merrier
There's no real restriction on entry if I remember correctly. (just find the password to join by ratsky or who ever is hosting, when the time comes)
I was there yesterday and we chatted about our problems at times, sometimes about silly things, etc.
I think it's pretty free form chat where no one will really be judged for anything.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

What's it that you all do? Join a chat and start talking there? Seems interesting, in case you don't mind me joining.

More the merrier
There's no real restriction on entry if I remember correctly. (just find the password to join by ratsky or who ever is hosting, when the time comes)
I was there yesterday and we chatted about our problems at times, sometimes about silly things, etc.
I think it's pretty free form chat where no one will really be judged for anything.

^^^^^

I'll repost the links/info in a few days so people will know where to go.

 

[neojubei]

So I almost jumped in front of a train today after work. I was inching past the yellow line and the announcer kept saying to get back. I wanted to see if I would regret it like the people who jumped off the bridge but I had no such feeling. There isn't a way to fix my life other than death right now. It's probably best I do something quick with as little pain than to leap off a bridge. My sister is going through the process of buying a gun but I don't want to wait that long to use it on myself.

Stopped taking my meds. Never really worked for me and even with beer it didn't help my mood. I do feel the side effects though. Seeing my therapist tomorrow I wonder what bullshit he will say this time.

 

[Prez]

Neojubei, read this book. I'm reading it now and it might give you some very useful insights.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

I was a poll worker today. A lot of my former classmates from high school came in to vote, and most had kids or had a job that they were happy in or were getting married soon. I avoided my five year class reunion last year precisely because I didn't want to be reminded of what a social failure I am compared to everyone else, but it finally caught up with me tonight. Why am I so utterly unfulfilled compared to them when I have the same emotional wants and needs? I know that I'm supposed to have a "fuck social expectations" attitude and all that, but it doesn't exactly work if a normal life is what you genuinely want. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder if I'm even human. Why am I the only one among my peers who has none of the things that give life meaning and make it bearable? Why am I so different? I don't feel that different, but I clearly am.

You're not that different. Lots of people go by the roadmap that society tells them to, and they truly are not fulfilled. A lot of what they show is a farce.

I'm the same way sometimes. Looking at my life, wondering "what exactly did I do wrong? What AM I doing? Do I fit in here at ALL?" Nope. And that's goddamn fine. What you need to do is be happy about how differently you see things, and even though it sounds a little petty, take some comfort in knowing their "fulfilled" life very well may not be.

 

[Frangipani]

so yeah got dumped over two months ago, was the love of my life, thought we'd be married, have kids, etc. hasn't gotten easier, but I was living with it. except now the ex is falling for someone new and they're basically dating. family tries to deny it as "just friends" but it's just to make me feel better. I know everyone goes through these things but this is my first time and I am fucking broken and I need something to help fast before I lose it. st. john's wort hasn't helped in the past 9 weeks, and I don't want to hit the hard stuff yet as I refuse to even take an Advil for a headache. are there any hobbies, activities, anything at all to at least ease my mind for a little while, please

 

[Aurongel]

so yeah got dumped over two months ago, was the love of my life, thought we'd be married, have kids, etc. hasn't gotten easier, but I was living with it. except now the ex is falling for someone new and they're basically dating. family tries to deny it as "just friends" but it's just to make me feel better. I know everyone goes through these things but this is my first time and I am fucking broken and I need something to help fast before I lose it. st. john's wort hasn't helped in the past 9 weeks, and I don't want to hit the hard stuff yet as I refuse to even take an Advil for a headache. are there any hobbies, activities, anything at all to at least ease my mind for a little while, please

You can start by blocking her and anything related to her on Facebook (if you have one). The best you can do is to determine all the things in your life that remind you of her and remove as much of that as you can. Pictures, profiles, videos, text messages, anything.

It was hard for me to do that back when something similar happened to me but believe me when I say that it makes the whole process easier.

 

[RionaaM]

More the merrier
There's no real restriction on entry if I remember correctly. (just find the password to join by ratsky or who ever is hosting, when the time comes)
I was there yesterday and we chatted about our problems at times, sometimes about silly things, etc.
I think it's pretty free form chat where no one will really be judged for anything.

Thanks, I'd like to be there if I'm able to. So many great people here. And this isn't being condescending, in case someone takes this badly. I sincerely think there's a lot of goodness in this thread, helping everyone who's in pain, or in need of an ear, a person who'll listen. It's a shame we all live scattered through the globe, but at least the internet is a wonderful tool for communicating.

So I almost jumped in front of a train today after work. I was inching past the yellow line and the announcer kept saying to get back. I wanted to see if I would regret it like the people who jumped off the bridge but I had no such feeling. There isn't a way to fix my life other than death right now. It's probably best I do something quick with as little pain than to leap off a bridge. My sister is going through the process of buying a gun but I don't want to wait that long to use it on myself.

Stopped taking my meds. Never really worked for me and even with beer it didn't help my mood. I do feel the side effects though. Seeing my therapist tomorrow I wonder what bullshit he will say this time.

Please, don't. Think about your sister, your family, friends, anyone who ever knew you however little it was. Think about the GAFfers who like to see you posting here. Think about all the things you'll never be able to experience if you end your life now. I don't know what can I say to help you, and I'm afraid I may end up saying something wrong and making it worse, but I really hope you can make it through this. You can do it. Don't give up. Please.

 

[Piano]

I fee the same way. I'm just going to end it on thanksgiving and been done with life.

Did you read my statement about perception? Do you think there's a nugget of truth in there, or do I not understand / am I lying?

So I almost jumped in front of a train today after work. I was inching past the yellow line and the announcer kept saying to get back. I wanted to see if I would regret it like the people who jumped off the bridge but I had no such feeling. There isn't a way to fix my life other than death right now. It's probably best I do something quick with as little pain than to leap off a bridge. My sister is going through the process of buying a gun but I don't want to wait that long to use it on myself.

Stopped taking my meds. Never really worked for me and even with beer it didn't help my mood. I do feel the side effects though. Seeing my therapist tomorrow I wonder what bullshit he will say this time.

Are you 100% honest with your therapist (and is he also your pdoc?)? Will you tell him about the train?

so yeah got dumped over two months ago, was the love of my life, thought we'd be married, have kids, etc. hasn't gotten easier, but I was living with it. except now the ex is falling for someone new and they're basically dating. family tries to deny it as "just friends" but it's just to make me feel better. I know everyone goes through these things but this is my first time and I am fucking broken and I need something to help fast before I lose it. st. john's wort hasn't helped in the past 9 weeks, and I don't want to hit the hard stuff yet as I refuse to even take an Advil for a headache. are there any hobbies, activities, anything at all to at least ease my mind for a little while, please

Therapy. Meditation and Mindfulness. And what Aurongel said above. If you have a Facebook, delete it. Focus on keeping your feet on the ground, your mind in present existence. Facebook is awful when you're depressed. Makes it way, way worse.

 

[coldvein]

Neojubei, read this book. I'm reading it now and it might give you some very useful insights.

i liked the unedited version of your post more.

 

[half a moon]

I don't know what to do. Literally.

It's 11:30pm, I'm alone, I have no friends. Watching tv, browsing on the internet, and playing video games are all a waste of time.

I need a job, could filll out applications, but it's tedious and makes me feel miserable.
I could exercise for like an hour, but that's just an hour.
I could meditate, but that's just another small amount of time.
I don't know what I want to do as a career, so I can't practice study skills for anything.

I won't be going to sleep for like.... 8 hours.

What I want to do is make friends, but social anxiety.

 

[Collete]

so yeah got dumped over two months ago, was the love of my life, thought we'd be married, have kids, etc. hasn't gotten easier, but I was living with it. except now the ex is falling for someone new and they're basically dating. family tries to deny it as "just friends" but it's just to make me feel better. I know everyone goes through these things but this is my first time and I am fucking broken and I need something to help fast before I lose it. st. john's wort hasn't helped in the past 9 weeks, and I don't want to hit the hard stuff yet as I refuse to even take an Advil for a headache. are there any hobbies, activities, anything at all to at least ease my mind for a little while, please

There's actually a four step process for this to get out of the "lover's shadow" (learning this in one of my psychology classes.) My professor joked that if you ever need to get over someone, this is the process. But I do think it's useful in a sense.

1. A destroyer enters to stop the attachment- Basically just means find someone or something to end the attachment between you and your ex, it's a painful process that isn't easy to get over but takes a little time.

2. Look at life and see that life is plentiful and not scarce - The more we care and love each other, the more we get it in return.

3. Health warrior may energize you to set boundaries and self care for "tough love" - basically that just means, set healthy boundaries for yourself to get better and instill a "tough love" policy to get back on your feet. (Think that last part just means, for example: if your ex tries to contact you, your boundaries and "tough love" are to reject her contact and go back to healing yourself)

4. Learn to love yourself for who you are, not what you aren't.

You don't have to take in all of it, but I do think setting yourself boundaries to getting better and blocking all contact from her is key.
As for stuff and hobbies to get your mind off of this, recommend to always be surrounded by your friends (and try to find someone that will listen and actually cares about you) and try some new hobbies you've been meaning to do.
(What helps me is doing art, writing, and cooking...girly, but other stuff might do is find new music or a sport to do.)
Hoped this helped in some way.

Thanks, I'd like to be there if I'm able to. So many great people here. And this isn't being condescending, in case someone takes this badly. I sincerely think there's a lot of goodness in this thread, helping everyone who's in pain, or in need of an ear, a person who'll listen. It's a shame we all live scattered through the globe, but at least the internet is a wonderful tool for communicating.

You're welcome, hope you're able to come!
Yes, most importantly, we all care about one another in some extent.
And I don't think your comment is condescending at all!
I do think it is a shame we're all scattered, if I had half of you guys near me down in the South, things might just be a little better, heh.

I don't know what to do. Literally.

It's 11:30pm, I'm alone, I have no friends. Watching tv, browsing on the internet, and playing video games are all a waste of time.

I need a job, could filll out applications, but it's tedious and makes me feel miserable.
I could exercise for like an hour, but that's just an hour.
I could meditate, but that's just another small amount of time.
I don't know what I want to do as a career, so I can't practice study skills for anything.

I won't be going to sleep for like.... 8 hours.

What I want to do is make friends, but social anxiety.

We're your friends right? Depression GAF is like one big family!

I'm not sure if I'm suspecting right (correct me if I'm wrong) but please, breathe!
Take a deep breathe and breathe!
There's no use if you just jumble and mash all your worries together at one time, start with the "easiest" worry of yours first, then do the others.
It just makes you more anxious than you already are.
You need a job but sounds like you are stressed to even do the applications.
Try that hour of exercise. It is not just an hour, it's an hour for you to get better. It's not just an hour.

 

[Frangipani]

You can start by blocking her and anything related to her on Facebook (if you have one). The best you can do is to determine all the things in your life that remind you of her and remove as much of that as you can. Pictures, profiles, videos, text messages, anything.

It was hard for me to do that back when something similar happened to me but believe me when I say that it makes the whole process easier.

I'm a she, and he is the one who blocked me oddly enough. so I couldn't look if I wanted to. just heard about the new girl from a mutual friend who's away at the same school he's at. I'm still really close with the family though. maybe that's what makes it so hard. idk.
I haven't exercised in months, and I remember it always making me feel better when I was really pissed off. I've just had no motivation to do anything. going out with my friends has done nothing, sadly.

 

[coldvein]

1. A destroyer enters to stop the attachment- Basically just means find someone or something to end the attachment between you and your ex, it's a painful process that isn't easy to get over but takes a little time.

2. Look at life and see that life is plentiful and not scarce - The more we care and love each other, the more we get it in return.

3. Health warrior may energize you to set boundaries and self care for "tough love" - basically that just means, set healthy boundaries for yourself to get better and instill a "tough love" policy to get back on your feet. (Think that last part just means, for example: if your ex tries to contact you, your boundaries and "tough love" are to reject her contact and go back to healing yourself)

4. Learn to love yourself for who you are, not what you aren't.

it'd be so awesome if it was this easy

 

[Splinter]

I have pretty bad depression and I honestly think it stims from anxiety, the anxiety is holding me back from doing what I want to do with me life. The anxiety is keeping me from relationships, friendships, new jobs, lifestyle changes etc. The problem is though, that I have made great progess as far as general and social anxiety, but at times I get a bad mood swing (i guess thats what you call it), brought on by random un-triggered anxiety. The anxiety cripples me, changes my personality, changes my outlook, my mood, and really holds me back. It can happen at any time. It's not even mental anxiety, it's like I experience the physical symptoms and they suffocate me. My body becomes tense, I get shaky, sweaty, my through tightens and my tongue gets tied, my face even changes (looks like I've seen a ghost), and I lose ALL energy and motivation. When that anxiety hits my mood shoots way down, I feel like a recluse, I don;t want to do anything, or be around people. That's the worst part, I can go from top of the world to absolute crap in an hour. Sometimes it even becomes a mild panic attack, but I'm not even "scared," or nervous, or stressed.

I have tried benzo's (valium) (not been prescibed but I tried them illegally to see what it was like) and I hated it. The anxiety was gone but I felt empty, boring, and lifeless. I do not want to use them.

Does anyone think Beta-Blockers may help? Since it is mainly physical symptoms that I am experiencing?

 

[Collete]

it'd be so awesome if it was this easy

Same but I thought it could have been some use.
Not saying those steps are easy but it's a rough guideline I suppose to look at once in awhile.

Sorry if I tried to make it sound simple.

 

[coldvein]

Same but I thought it was it could have been some use.
Not saying those steps are easy but it's a rough guideline I suppose to look at once in awhile.

Sorry if I tried to make it sound simple.

nah i'm glad you posted it, it's interesting. i'd even say it's (kinda) accurate, just that completing those steps can take years. having it listed 1. 2. 3. 4. just makes it seem fast and simple, heh.

 

[Collete]

nah i'm glad you posted it, it's interesting. i'd even say it's (kinda) accurate, just that completing those steps can take years. having it listed 1. 2. 3. 4. just makes it seem fast and simple, heh.

You're welcome.
Yeah, number 4 I'm still somewhat struggling with to this day unfortunately. Even though the break up was years ago (and ironically he's back now) I still can't seem to love myself for who I am and not what I am not.
Edit: Still can't get that last sentence right, heh.

 

[Frangipani]

Same but I thought it could have been some use.
Not saying those steps are easy but it's a rough guideline I suppose to look at once in awhile.

Sorry if I tried to make it sound simple.

no worries. I get what you're saying. just tough. I'll be working on it though. thank you!

 

[rkn]

I've had massive ups and downs for over a year, and while some days I have are great, the feeling never lasts, and the lows are really, really, low. I know this problem stems from my relationships, with everyone I know. I'm super introverted, but trying to change my ways, but am always road blocked by my own thoughts and insecurities. My latest (going on for over a year now) bout of depression was caused by a huge rejection by someone I considered the love of my life, and I still can't move on from it. I've been seriously considering medication, because the feelings of being sick and worthless haven't left me in over a year, and I'm just tired of feeling this way, and I feel like I need help to crawl back from the abyss. I have extreme feelings of envy and possessiveness towards this person, and literally go from being high to tears whenever I catch wind of anything relating to this portion of my life. It's a horrible rollercoaster, and my friends have told me that I have anger issues when I'm drunk - which used to never be the case, I was always a cheery drunk.

The odd part is that I've faked my way through this entire ordeal and "professional" my life has never been better, I have a great job (high salary, flexible hours, and it's easy work, seriously, best job I've ever had), I have several ongoing projects with friends that are all progressing really well, and I've even started looking into buying a home. But there is just an emptiness that persists.

I've been considering going on medication, but I don't know how to even broach the topic, I don't go to the doctor often, it's been years. Do I need to just start seeing a therapist? I know it's not as bad as some of the stories I've read here and elsewhere, and I've never seriously considered suicide (but I have thought about what it would be like), but it's shit feeling like a piece of trash day in and day out...

 

[njean777]

Has anybody tried 5-HTP? I was looking into it, but didnt want to take it if it causes nightmares. I have a psychiatrist appointment in about 2 weeks, so I was just looking into it and maybe talking to him about it. I really do not want to take an SSRI as I had a horrible reaction to Zoloft. Anybody have any info on 5-HTP?