User 100115
Banned
I know the people on my Facebook personally too. I'm not going to tell them how often my husband treats me like shit, or how our financial status is bad, or how the only reason I don't off myself is cause I have kids.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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I know the people on my Facebook personally too. I'm not going to tell them how often my husband treats me like shit, or how our financial status is bad, or how the only reason I don't off myself is cause I have kids.
lowrider007
Licorice-flavoured booze?
I'm contemplating either homelessness or working up to suicide, I've just had enough, I'm too tired, I'm 34 years old, been stuck in a job I hate for over 17 years, I have no skills, I'm not academic in the slightest, I tried going to college and I just didn't get it, I have a very poor working memory, I find the most simple tasks very hard to master, I hate myself, I'm a mistake, I didn't ask for this fucking life of pain and struggle, the only thing I worry about is my mum if I was to do anything drastic although I know she has similar internal struggles, she has told me the only thing keeping her going atm is the fact that my younger step brothers need her, I don't think she would be around if it wasn't for that.
Too much pain, not even alcohol is helping these days, If I could just fucking remember stuff it would help instead if being so fucking stupid.
What am I good at? cleaning stuff, that all I can do.
Too much pain, not even alcohol is helping these days, If I could just fucking remember stuff it would help instead if being so fucking stupid.
What am I good at? cleaning stuff, that all I can do.
How do you deal with the guilt of having wasted a huge amount of money over the years? The past 4 years I have lost a fortune buying and selling hundreds of CDs and vinyl records I barely listened to, synthesizers and a guitar I barely played, crap for hobbies that lasted only a few months. I have sold a lot but only got back a small percentage of what I've spend. The amount I've lost is huge and the guilt has been eating me away for months now.
Please tell me how I can deal with this. It's killing me. I'm seeing a therapist and she says the best thing is to forget about it but I just can't. What makes it even harder is that I have social anxiety, no friends, tinnitus and to top it off I got over a dozen eye floaters last month that are impossible to ignore.
Please tell me how I can deal with this. It's killing me. I'm seeing a therapist and she says the best thing is to forget about it but I just can't. What makes it even harder is that I have social anxiety, no friends, tinnitus and to top it off I got over a dozen eye floaters last month that are impossible to ignore.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Yeah, it's good to keep facebook in perspective. I update my status every time I pass a major test, I've never posted a status when I've failed them. People often don't want to talk about or share negative things.
Nope, I'm lucky to have parents to talk to about it and friends to have beers with. I have a friend who is extremely depressed, though, and he talks to me about it every now and then. I did the whole counseling thing and for me personally it did nothing.
WOW I met somebody with a similar story last week at work. He was a 21 year old bus boy and told me he was a high school dropout. Didn't even get a GED, because he had (and I quote) "a shitty memory". Since your mom is going through a similar shitty time, I'd say talk to her about it. You guys can help each other. Also, alcohol is a depressant. You see it in TV shows a lot, but drowning your sorrows in a bottle is not gonna really help. There's other drugs out there that don't have as many negative side effects which can give you temporary relief, but even beyond that, you don't need to rely on substances. There's a whole ton of simple jobs out there, I'm sure you can find one that's better than what you're in now. Bussing is not bad at some nicer restaurants where you get tip share from the waiters, and I was making a good $10/hr when I did pizza delivery. I would leave the place with $30-$50 in my pocket and then get hundreds every couple weeks on the paychek.
I didn't know all this about you. Now I feel bad for burdening you with my problems.
If your husband treats you like shit, he needs a kick in the ass. You're like the nicest person ever and he has no idea how lucky he is.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
You get over it by learning from your mistakes! Save up that money! And instead of buying cds, try getting cds (certificates of deposit)
Good on you especially for trying out different hobbies. Perhaps you didn't put into them as much as you could've, but you probably have a better idea of the shit you're into now.
"A fool and his money are easily parted". You've gotta watch your spending and come up with ways to make that money back, and then make even more beyond that. A good hobby for you to try in the future might be investing in the stock market. Seems like it could be a good fit lol
User 100115
Banned
It's because I feel bad burdening people with my crap, and would rather try to help other people with theirs. Please continue to 'burden' me, hee. It makes me feel like I am actually doing something worthwhile, and I am not completely useless.I didn't know all this about you. Now I feel bad for burdening you with my problems.
If your husband treats you like shit, he needs a kick in the ass. You're like the nicest person ever and he has no idea how lucky he is.
deejay8595
my posts are "MEH"
Don't worry about this man. I feel the same way as you in regards to birthdays. It's just another day for me plus I'm not the type to have a party revolved around me. Do whatever makes you feel good not what others think you should do...
You get over it by learning from your mistakes! Save up that money! And instead of buying cds, try getting cds (certificates of deposit)
Good on you especially for trying out different hobbies. Perhaps you didn't put into them as much as you could've, but you probably have a better idea of the shit you're into now.
"A fool and his money are easily parted". You've gotta watch your spending and come up with ways to make that money back, and then make even more beyond that. A good hobby for you to try in the future might be investing in the stock market. Seems like it could be a good fit lol
You're right actually, that does make me feel a little better. Then again, I feel like I've lost a part of my life. I lost 4 years at uni and college because of wrong decisions and depression/anxiety. Now I'm in my second year in college which is going well and I feel like I have finally made the right choice. All these problems I'm having now are distracting me a lot though so I've been neglecting my studies and most of the time I'm too mentally exhausted to work for school.
I'm trying to get back in control now but it's extremely hard. I've learned of my mistake and I'm saving my money now, but the guilt of all that wasted money is still destroying me.
Collete
Member
Unfortunately I've been horrible with this in the last few days myself.
Every time I talk to my friends or think of doing so, I realize how much of a burden I have been on others.
Top that off my social anxiety of talking to new people or even my old friends in general doesn't help anything.
However, I can tell you, people do care and would want you to "burden" them with your problems.
Please "burden" yourself to others, they care, hell, I care. (Even though I don't show it well, but I do.)
I'm still recovering from my suicidal actions, slashed myself yesterday and started hitting myself.
Now today I'm just sick and trying to physically recover.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
You absolutely need to talk/call somebody (could include a suicide hotline) or check yourself into a hospital. I would recommend the former since not everyone will respond well to being forced to stay inside a hospital and take medication (in greater amounts too). I'm not very knowledgeable on the subject, but from my understanding there's not even a guarantee you'll be admitted (although I can't see why any hospital would turn away somebody with slash marks)
You're at the lowest point right now, you need to get help and help yourself.
You're not going to get better overnight but I can promise that you have the ability to never even think of suicide. I've been through it, and while I don't share your exact experience through life I know it can be done. And it's not about deluding yourself with delusions of positivity and false hope, but an actual process of getting yourself to cope with life better and be stronger. And eventually even be good at handling life to the point where you can make things happen and influence things yourself instead of feeling trapped and powerless.
Identify what triggers these thoughts for you. Sometimes there can be thoughts themselves that trigger negative thoughts. Ignore what can't be changed, but systematically attack the symptoms and causes of things that can be changed. And at times when you don't have the strength for it and feel hopeless, just chill. Not everything is as emotional and hopeless as you're making it out to be. It seldom is for people. And make no mistake, I'm not regurgitating some line about how "it's not that bad" for you. On the contrary, I'm saying that you have the strength and the ability to change things.
This goes both ways, you know. I'm here for you, too.
The first day is always pretty weird. It took me a while to warm up and share more of my stuff with my group. We had people constantly rotating in and out of the group, so on your last day, you were the "senior" person there and you could really see how far you had come.
Stick with it! I know a lot of us are happy to hear that you're giving it a shot!
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
There's like a 60-something year old at my associates program so you're good. They're only lost if you didn't learn anything, and not everything you learn is from a book. I'm sure there's some 20 year old out there finishing his/her Bachelor's, but a fuck about it is given only if you make it so. Worry about your own shit (not worry as in panic lol, but worry as in don't stress out so much about the lost years).
Prioritize. Keep up the good schoolwork, hopefully you're in something that will lead to even higher paying job. I'm $20K in debt right now for school but I know down the line I'm going to find something from my studies to pay it off. And even if I don't, I'll work at McDonalds to pay it off, save up, and go to school again.
Plus there's girls/guys at school! So enjoy your college time, eh?
scar tissue
Banned
iknowthatfeel.jpg
I probably never had a real friend throughout my childhood and teenage years, mostly fake and superficial people I hung out with. One or two were bordering on being actual friends, but they lived so far away I never saw them.
Still, now that I have a few friends, my life really isn't magically that much better. Yes, they add a lot to my life, but ultimately I still feel like I don't belong into human society.
What comes naturally to other people (i.e. all kinds of social interaction), I try to emulate through careful observation and copying of other people's behavior.
Like I'm like some kind of alien or possibly a robot, trying to pass off as a human. I guess it works, more or less. People I asked about this have told me time and time again that I look perfectly normal - although they were probably just trying to be nice.
I'll never have a normal life, I'll never be at home in society and I'll probably never have a girlfriend or kids. I'd just like to go to university a single time without being in panic mode.
Fuck social anxiety. I can live with my depression more or less, but I'm not sure I can live with my SA forever. Trying to live a normal, average life is just too goddamn exhausting and frustrating.
You're being really hard on yourself. If someone else told you they wasted a lot of money would you really care? Would you think really bad of them? It's only money, not really a big deal. And now you've learned from it, you've changed. You're no longer the same person so no point holding it against yourself. You should be more forgiving of yourself.
If trying to take a different perspective is still hard you can cheat and use pstec to zap away the guilt. One session of 45 minutes will probably fix it pretty much. You'll still think that wasting money was a bad thing, but you won't feel anything so you can move on.
scar tissue
Banned
People who smoke or drink regularly (i.e. more than 1/3rd of society) waste a shitload of money too. Certainly more than I waste, and probably more than you do.
Nobody's perfect.
I was looking into treatment. Unfortunately, we don't have insurance so everything is too expensive for me, an unemployed student focused on getting a car so I can work.
At the same time, the last few days I've slept late, watched the hours go by and done nothing productive as I have no motivation to.
At the same time, the last few days I've slept late, watched the hours go by and done nothing productive as I have no motivation to.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Would anyone be interested in another GAF chat?
Have you ever told your doctor about this? Maybe there's something he could do? Do you think you might have a learning disability?
Have you ever told your doctor about this? Maybe there's something he could do? Do you think you might have a learning disability?
There's like a 60-something year old at my associates program so you're good. They're only lost if you didn't learn anything, and not everything you learn is from a book. I'm sure there's some 20 year old out there finishing his/her Bachelor's, but a fuck about it is given only if you make it so. Worry about your own shit (not worry as in panic lol, but worry as in don't stress out so much about the lost years).
Prioritize. Keep up the good schoolwork, hopefully you're in something that will lead to even higher paying job. I'm $20K in debt right now for school but I know down the line I'm going to find something from my studies to pay it off. And even if I don't, I'll work at McDonalds to pay it off, save up, and go to school again.
Plus there's girls/guys at school! So enjoy your college time, eh?
These comments really made me feel better, thank you so much
Actually I was a smoker during the 4 years that I wasted so much money (I quit 7 months ago). And to give you an idea of the money I have lost on all the crap I bought: it's the equivalent of smoking 2 packs of cigs a day for 4 years. I smoked about half a pack a day btw.
Also I decided to quit drinking for a year. Not a single drop. I only drank about two beers a week, so it should be doable.
Collete
Member
I already talk to some people, it helps keeps it at bay, but this stuff happens when no one is around to listen.
I can't admit myself to the hospital, my insurance doesn't cover it, nor do my parents believe I'm depressed. Hell I showed them my scars and they blatantly do not acknowledge it.
Suicide hotlines are a joke, and just make you promise not to off yourself. Unlikely they give any real crap about you.
I do my best to help myself, but I'm starting to realize it's a lost cause. Nothing helps in the end, I'm not going to get the help I need, even if I do get better...life seems way too bleak...
Cope with life...I don't know if that's even possible, so far me coping with life is just trying to hope things will get better (so far it hasn't...and it won't get better.)
Usually nothing triggers my depression at times and I'm completely helpless with thoughts of having a shitty life where I'm verbally abused on a daily basis, life is out of control, I'm stuck in a major I don't even want to be in, hating myself that I'm making 0 progress on my novel making career because of depression, etc. The only thing out of that list I have some remote control is my novel writing but I have to cure my depression and anxiety before I can even write. I used to write a page a day but I lost hope in my writing, it's just bloody awful and I don't see the point in it.
I'm sorry for the whole hopeless stuff I just stated, but my point is I do try to get myself better, I just know I need help and can't get it and makes me feel like crap.
I thank you for taking the time to reply, really.
Sure I'm down for one.
You've done a great job with these so far, Ratsky! I hope people keep joining in.
Now I'm noticing my money run out, I was sent on a leave of absence back home to gain more work experience. My family has no stove, no heat any more, I have the computer which is all I have.
Nothing for my particular disability as far as pysch wise- to get medicine- is within my price range as we have to pay in to our insurance before they begin to cover us to a ridiculous amount.
I'm scared but have settled with death, I've been in poverty, lonely all my life, there's no way out. I worked six years menial labor, broke down many a time but continued. A lot of people said it would get better, but they would never give me a raise, never help me out , just whisper words of encouragement.
When I was unemployed and scared most recently I turned to college for some hope. I struggled through most classes but ended up reaching a test I couldn't pass with my disability, now it feel's like the school might have just brushed me off.
I just want some way out, I don't want to steal or sell drugs like all my friends, but no one's going to help me, I've heard it all said.
Nothing for my particular disability as far as pysch wise- to get medicine- is within my price range as we have to pay in to our insurance before they begin to cover us to a ridiculous amount.
I'm scared but have settled with death, I've been in poverty, lonely all my life, there's no way out. I worked six years menial labor, broke down many a time but continued. A lot of people said it would get better, but they would never give me a raise, never help me out , just whisper words of encouragement.
When I was unemployed and scared most recently I turned to college for some hope. I struggled through most classes but ended up reaching a test I couldn't pass with my disability, now it feel's like the school might have just brushed me off.
I just want some way out, I don't want to steal or sell drugs like all my friends, but no one's going to help me, I've heard it all said.
lowrider007
Licorice-flavoured booze?
Trying hard to stay off the alcohol, I had the Norovirus last week and couldn't drink so I'm trying to use that as a platform to stop drinking although mentally I feel worse atm and need a drink bad.
Talking to my mum helps but she can only offer so much support as I know she feels the same and is almost too understanding of the problem if that makes any sense?, we're both lost souls that can't connect with society, when we talk about this stuff it's like two drunks drowning in each others sorrows.
I'm hoping to speak to a counsellor about it in the near future, the Doctor helped me fill out a 'self referral' form today so I can get help but only if I stay off alcohol which he is going to check up on next week, I may mention it to him then.
I'm sure not if I have a learning disorder, I do have dyslexia although I think it's more than that as there are plenty of successful dyslexics out there, I have worked for a restaurant on minimum pay for 17 years now and I still struggle to remember menu items, ingredients, or even how to do simple kitchen tasks, I'm good at cleaning though and packing orders although I don't really use my 'working memory' for that, this problem has kept me in a job I hate for so many years, to the extent that I am considering homelessness or even suicide as an alternative, not only am I trapped in this job but I'm also trapped in this stupid brain.
I don't know if the chat could help me...
As I said, I felt great for the last couple of weeks, but I know this is going to end soon. The last few days I've been trying to keep myself together.
I feel like one of these days I'm going to wake up and stay in bed all day feeling like shit.
As I said, I felt great for the last couple of weeks, but I know this is going to end soon. The last few days I've been trying to keep myself together.
I feel like one of these days I'm going to wake up and stay in bed all day feeling like shit.
Femmeworth
Banned
Saw my psychiatrist today, increased my Lexapro dosage from 10 mg to 20 mg. Hoping it helps, since I've felt the most depressed I have since my suicide attempt last year. :\
ClassyPenguin
Banned
lexapro/citalopram actually increased my depression. I went back to paxil, weight increase be damned!
Femmeworth
Banned
Comforting.
Collete
Member
I felt the same on it, but I couldn't sleep any longer and I went insane.
Horrible drug in my opinion.
Collete
Member
I think it is?
I was talking about citalopram though, I guess it's different for different people.
Hated that drug though, I highly don't recommend it.
Edit:
I told you this before, but don't stay away from us, we're only trying to help you.
It makes us all worry when we don't hear from you.
Lumpy Onion
Member
I'm actually going through lexapro withdrawal right now. Kinda sucks. Don't like the 10+ lbs I gained on it either. Now I will be taking nothing. We'll see how that goes.
Femmeworth
Banned
ClassyPenguin
Banned
The difference is minute. from what I understand, the difference is that citalopram has an active and inactive component, while Lexapro is just the active one. By active I mean the actual molecule that is the anti-depressant.
Drug patents are weird.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escitalopram
I know, I just feel like a burden on everyone. Everyone. I'm sorry.
Collete
Member
Majority of us feel like we do.
Reality is we aren't and in fact people would want to hear from us and make sure they're there to listen. Rather than to find out something has happened.
It's fine but please don't disappear like that without saying something first at least.
Had no damn idea what happened to you.
oh
well still, I dont know why they are giving you that for depression
it seemed like something that completely nerfs your brain function, at least on the dose I was on
It's just hard for me to see things like that; I'm not used to be in the position of the talker rather than the listener, so this is new and uncomfortable for me. And I'm sorry.
Don't let it get to you, just try not to get into debt from that habit. I'm kinda in the same boat, I'll start a new hobby every 6 months or so, spend a lot of money on it, then get bored and sell all the crap I bought for a fraction of what I paid.
But you know what, I actually enjoy those 6 months, and you always get to keep something special regardless.
I'm lucky enough to be a single nerd with a good and stable job, if pointless consumerism makes me happy, why not indulge in it.
EDIT: Think of buying stuff as something like going to an expensive restaurant or paying a top class hooker. You can easily blow hundreds of dollars on something that will give you at most a couple hours of pleasure, but you know what, sometimes those couple hours are worth it. With things like hobbies you actually get to keep your stuff and even sell it later, so that's even better.
Collete
Member
Be gradual when you talk about things, then gradually get into deeper stuff.
It took me awhile as well, but just give yourself plenty of time to get used to it.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Okay, and thanks! I'll try to set something up soon.
You'll never know if you don't try!
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
My lexapro withdrawal was terrible. Went cold turkey from a daily 20mg dose and my head felt dizzy for a couple weeks. But I think when I finally got off it and didn't feel the effects anymore I felt better than I had before I started even taking it.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
What you described doesn't sound normal, so you might want to see someone about it. It couldn't hurt!
I will join if it's okay, if it's at a time I can come... :<
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Sure! What time of day is usually good for you?
The Take Out Bandit
Member
Something absolutely terrible happened to me today after a brief period of just feeling somewhat stable and on the right path.
I'll elaborate more when the dust settles, but I hope it never happens to anybody else.
I'll elaborate more when the dust settles, but I hope it never happens to anybody else.
Depends on the day but evenings work better. This weekend, my sister is here though, so I'm gonna hang out with her.
But yeah, generally evenings after 6 p.m. PST.
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