Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
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Agent Cooper
Member
She said that when it comes down to it and I tell my mom (ugh), we can both go to her and talk to her about affordable therapists and whatnot.
We just have a really difficult financial situation, and I don't want to bug my mom about it anymore... :/
User 100115
Banned
I think people just don't know what to say! I was thinking about this today - Sadsic mentioned how he had his life saved by GAF (Fiction, right?). Short of calling the cops on people, however, I don't know how best to help people who want to hurt themselves.
I wish I had more ideas...
No no, that wasn't me
That actually happened during my first day posting heh.Edit: Also I am in the chat if anyone wants to talk.
No no, that wasn't me
Edit: Also I am in the chat if anyone wants to talk.
In the chat, too!
Quite opposite to how many with depression issues seem to regard the value of their own life, when I'm in a terrible place emotionally I actually get inordinately frightened that I'm going to be struck down by a sudden accident or a rare disease, and I can fixate on this for weeks...I'm in such a spell right now. I have a medical test on tuesday regarding a benign condition but I'm convinced that the doctors will find something horrible and the same imaginary image of my grieving family has been perpetually looping in my mind for weeks, which just feeds back into feeling sick and depressed. I don't know how to escape these delusions of my own impending doom.
hypochondria? I don't even know what to make of your situation
also, what happened to your avatar?
I guess you could call it that. Watching my mom slowly die of cancer has messed me up pretty severely in a lot of ways...
I'm just going avatarless until I feel good enough to participate where I usually participate again. I tell people I'm too sick to post but I bet they don't imagine that I'm referring to mental illness rather than physical illness.
GasProblem
Member
Sigh, so dissapointed in myself. Why do I do this, fucking procrastination. Have an exam on tuesday, but no way in hell I'll be able to read all the coursework. I have to read 500 more pages, I could do it if it'd read like a good book, but I can't read 500 pages of analytical articles, having to know exactly whats in the articles and being able to connect the articles together and having to compare different viewpoints of writers. Having a talk with a study advisor next week. Doing a criminal law master right now. Thinking about doing a civil law master after that. Don't want to be in criminal law for the rest of my life, and having huge doubts about wanting be a lawyer. When I say to people I study criminal law it's always oh so youre going to be a lawyer, so your profession is to lie and that I joined the dark side etc. It justs gets to me. Get the idea that everyone has the right to an attorney etc, but do I want to spent my life defending criminals if Its hard for myself to justify it morally? I want to do something I enjoy, not having a moral conflict and thinking about what other people think of me.
I still want to finish this master this year. Already started this master last year, but quit because i couldnt focus because of my coming out. Plan was to start again this year with a fresh mind but nothing changed, still have to force myself to study and if I finally do start I have to reread pages a lot.
Being surrounded by smart people who seemingly have no problem combining a job, a social life, living on their own and still getting high grades makes me feel like a piece of shit. Like I'm a failure who doesn't belong in this class.
Have to hand in a big assignment on monday. I have retries of exams on the 18th of dec and one on the 8th of january. Another exam on the 19th of december. Think my plan is to make a study schedule and hope.I can stick too it. If I pass all these exams my chances of passing my criminal law master are good. If I don't, I guess I'll quit, again, sigh.
Oh, and Im 23 and still living at home. Cant afford to move out. Been looking around for a job on the sides, found a couple wich I might actually enjoy, my resume suuuuucks though, and if I'm already failing my mastefs right now, I dont think a job would help. Although it would bring some much needed structure in my life. Jealous of all the people around me who's parents pay their rent, lucky bastards.
Then there's the whole low self-esteem, negative body image issue etc. Also cant seem to find a place in the 'gay world' where I'm totally comfortable. Met some people, some people I might actually can call friends right now. But whenever I go out with them, its too places where I do enjoy myself, there just arent any guys I like, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the type of guy they like. And there are parties where guys I like go to, but right now my self esteem is so in the shitter that I'd rather not go. Thinking moving out and standing on my own two feet.will give me that confidence boost that I need so badly, which will snowball into other good things.
Before I came out I wasnt really social. Just stayed at home pretty much. Now it's different. I can go out. I can get drunk with people. Smoked my first joint, haha. But it still feels like a big part of me is still my old self. When I:m at a bar and having trouble to get into a conversation I always ask myself "why am I here?", and then I have to remind myself it's good to get out of the house. Maybe I should join a sports club or somethi g. I know there's a tennis court nearby.
Wish I came out during my teenage years, did stupid shit and made some good memories. Looking back just makes me sad, sad about how I wasted all those years.
Sigh, no idea why I'm posting all of this on a forum. No idea if I'm actually depressed or not. Guess I just want to get to the dream life I want, wich is actually pretty simple. A partner, a career I enjoy, my own home, and some money do to some fun things with now and then. Maybe even a kid down the road. It just seems the road to get to that dream is so long and full of detours.
I still want to finish this master this year. Already started this master last year, but quit because i couldnt focus because of my coming out. Plan was to start again this year with a fresh mind but nothing changed, still have to force myself to study and if I finally do start I have to reread pages a lot.
Being surrounded by smart people who seemingly have no problem combining a job, a social life, living on their own and still getting high grades makes me feel like a piece of shit. Like I'm a failure who doesn't belong in this class.
Have to hand in a big assignment on monday. I have retries of exams on the 18th of dec and one on the 8th of january. Another exam on the 19th of december. Think my plan is to make a study schedule and hope.I can stick too it. If I pass all these exams my chances of passing my criminal law master are good. If I don't, I guess I'll quit, again, sigh.
Oh, and Im 23 and still living at home. Cant afford to move out. Been looking around for a job on the sides, found a couple wich I might actually enjoy, my resume suuuuucks though, and if I'm already failing my mastefs right now, I dont think a job would help. Although it would bring some much needed structure in my life. Jealous of all the people around me who's parents pay their rent, lucky bastards.
Then there's the whole low self-esteem, negative body image issue etc. Also cant seem to find a place in the 'gay world' where I'm totally comfortable. Met some people, some people I might actually can call friends right now. But whenever I go out with them, its too places where I do enjoy myself, there just arent any guys I like, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the type of guy they like. And there are parties where guys I like go to, but right now my self esteem is so in the shitter that I'd rather not go. Thinking moving out and standing on my own two feet.will give me that confidence boost that I need so badly, which will snowball into other good things.
Before I came out I wasnt really social. Just stayed at home pretty much. Now it's different. I can go out. I can get drunk with people. Smoked my first joint, haha. But it still feels like a big part of me is still my old self. When I:m at a bar and having trouble to get into a conversation I always ask myself "why am I here?", and then I have to remind myself it's good to get out of the house. Maybe I should join a sports club or somethi g. I know there's a tennis court nearby.
Wish I came out during my teenage years, did stupid shit and made some good memories. Looking back just makes me sad, sad about how I wasted all those years.
Sigh, no idea why I'm posting all of this on a forum. No idea if I'm actually depressed or not. Guess I just want to get to the dream life I want, wich is actually pretty simple. A partner, a career I enjoy, my own home, and some money do to some fun things with now and then. Maybe even a kid down the road. It just seems the road to get to that dream is so long and full of detours.
Back in June I got fired in part due to depression affecting job performance and inter-personal relations at work. So I took some time off to just hang out and not do shit. I had two offers this week to come in for interviews (one of which is in the same field, full time, with better benefits) and I started having a panic attack just filling out the applications they sent to me. And put it off to where I missed the deadline.
I'd say I'm suicidal, but I'm not, I just think about suicide a lot. I don't have the intention of doing it, not for many years at least. But that's been normal for me since a young age. Sometimes it is ridiculous ways that would be impossible, and sometimes it is a bit more realistic. I've been sick since around the time I got fired, with a lot of severe sinus issues. I've completely stopped exercising (before I was doing 3-4 hours of cycling a day, or at least every other day) or eating healthy. Going out during the day breaks my brain.
I'd say I'm suicidal, but I'm not, I just think about suicide a lot. I don't have the intention of doing it, not for many years at least. But that's been normal for me since a young age. Sometimes it is ridiculous ways that would be impossible, and sometimes it is a bit more realistic. I've been sick since around the time I got fired, with a lot of severe sinus issues. I've completely stopped exercising (before I was doing 3-4 hours of cycling a day, or at least every other day) or eating healthy. Going out during the day breaks my brain.
airmangataosenai
Member
Discussion was nice and kind of helped a bit today. GAF is a good place to find support sometimes, thanks guys.
The SSRIs are generally considered quite safe medications. There are side effects, of course, but they fall more into the annoying to intolerable spectrum than the dangerous to life-threatening spectrum. The big exception being the hoopla over black box warnings about some ADs potentially increasing suicidal behavior in younger people.
I did a post about anxiety treatments a ways back; Piano added some nice thoughts to that. Basically depression and anxiety are related and probably rely on a complex mix if neurotransmitters. SSRIs have become go-to drugs for treatment of anxiety. Zoloft is actually serotoninergic AND dopaminergic, which MIGHT have something to do with its use for the treatment of anxiety. It's certainly worth a shot. Zoloft is generic now and it's one of the better drugs in terms of side effects.
Other treatments for anxiety are GABAergic (GABA being the main "off" signal in the brain - benzos, like alcohol, have strong effects at GABA receptors) or adrenergic (like beta-blockers). Like everything else in mental health, anxiety is super complicated. The neuroscience just isn't all there yet.
Can you get any kind of mental health help at your school? That's what I first did (got help at my school, not your school, that is). Your counselor is maybe, just maybe, not so good with the mental health stuff. Is there someone else you can talk to? There are ways to get more affordable help, but you need to know someone who knows the resources out there. You might check the NAMI website - there's probably a way to find local resources through them (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). I know some people in this thread who have found therapists and psychiatrists even when it looked like help was not available or too expensive.
I end up saying this a lot, but one big non-mysterious cause of depression/anxiety (especially if your energy is up and down) is thyroid dysfunction. It's more common in women, is cheap and easy to test for (your family doc can order it), and easy to treat. It's something you want to rule out early in a depression workup.
You can look at the symptoms of hyperthyroidism/hypothyroidism on Wikipedia and see if any of those fit. Hypothyroidism is more common but, early in the processes that lead to the hypo- state, you can actually experience hyperthyroidism, too.
Just a thought. Depression or anxiety that is NOT secondary to another medical problem is more common, but you're going to be pissed if the indications are there and you don't catch a bum thyroid early. It's super treatable.
Thanks the response.
Your post did relieve some fears and I think I'm going to start taking them tomorrow.
Is it common to smell things that aren't there with depression? For the past 2 weeks or so, I'll get wafts of strong chemical and/or fecal odors that no one else smells. It's usually just a quick "what the fuck is that smell" kind of thing. Then it goes away and everything seems normal for a day or two. And then it will happen again, when no chemicals are around, I'm nowhere near a bathroom, and nothing has been cooked.
I've also had some weird black blurs in my periphrial vision from time to time lately. A few days ago I opened the fridge and I swear mother fucking Kabal ran right through me. It was the most bizarre thing. It really felt like someone just ran past/through me. Fucking weird, bros.
These both are pretty recent phenomena for me, although the black blur things have been going on off and on for years. No one ran through me before, though.
I've also had some weird black blurs in my periphrial vision from time to time lately. A few days ago I opened the fridge and I swear mother fucking Kabal ran right through me. It was the most bizarre thing. It really felt like someone just ran past/through me. Fucking weird, bros.
These both are pretty recent phenomena for me, although the black blur things have been going on off and on for years. No one ran through me before, though.
Those could be some VERY serious medical issues. You have to go to a doctor IMMEDIATELY.
It could be a sign of increased pressure in your skull which is extremely serious. I don't want to scare you, but you need to go see a doctor. Don't look it up online, DOCTOR!!
LOL
on a serious note those are symptoms possibly relating to psychosis
anything that could have triggered a change in your mental state recently?
You're 18 so you are now an adult, which means that you take on the burden of responsibility for your life. When you tell your parents, you don't have to hope they're ok with it. It's no longer their responsibility, they've done their bit in raising you and now it's up to you to take over the reins.
You're parents will naturally worry about you, but they'll be looking at things as a whole. If you were to say "I'm dropping out of uni" of course they'll have doubts. But if you say "I'm taking these next 2 years out to do a, b, c and discover x, y, z about myself, and then I am going to go to uni for 3-5 years and then I can start my career" that kind of clarity and thought in your plan shows maturity and will alleviate their concerns.
In terms of seeking help, speak to your doctor, any counselling/support service at uni, and also your programme director for your course. They'll all help you, just remember to be as honest as possible so they have the best information to help them help you.
Not recently as in the past 2-3 weeks. I've been in a pretty hardcore depressed state since June, but nothing in the past 2-3 weeks to change anything. No head injuries or anything. No auditory hallucinations. I have been having a lot of sinus issues in the past year and a half, but particularly since June.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
The anxiety of having to call in is generally greater than the anxiety of going to work for me.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Ooh, I have this too, but I haven't figured out how to overcome it yet.
A sinus infection can cause phantom smells, but so can a fucking brain tumor or other serious conditions, so go to a doctor please.
A tumor is rather unlikely if you don't have other symptoms but pressure build-up in the skull can have various causes and if untreated can lead to permanent brain damage. Like waking up blind one day or being paralysed on one side of your body.
It could be something less serious, but don't take any risks and have it checked out.
isnt this a girl-age type deal? or are you legitimately sick
Dice
Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
How do you make the first part happen? I tried for 2 years. Now the harder part is even trying when I feel like a reject who will never get so much as a polite decline.
What the hell is girl age?
And no I'm just depressed because I am apparently too nice. I don't let anyone walk over me or use me but I seem to only get girls who are mildly easy or mildly attractive, and all the ones who are actually attractive (take care of themselves) just want me as a friend.
I don't want to change my values (oh you're a friend? lets hang out often. oh you're feeling like shit? whats up? etc) but apparently none of that a girl wants from a relationship. They want to be blown off and ignored or given negative compliments. That's not who I want to be.
And no I'm just depressed because I am apparently too nice. I don't let anyone walk over me or use me but I seem to only get girls who are mildly easy or mildly attractive, and all the ones who are actually attractive (take care of themselves) just want me as a friend.
I don't want to change my values (oh you're a friend? lets hang out often. oh you're feeling like shit? whats up? etc) but apparently none of that a girl wants from a relationship. They want to be blown off and ignored or given negative compliments. That's not who I want to be.
I was diagnosed with depression earlier this year but recently that I've felt like I've recovered from it, now different shit related to my self worth is fucking me up
User 100115
Banned
*shrug* That's quite normal. My roommate actually just did that (he's 23) and is now making 60k a year 5 months after graduation. I think he'd say it was more than worth the wait.
The next time you work after calling out is always nerve wracking as fuck. It's really just easier to just suck it up and go to work than it is to deal with the mental anguish of faking a sickness. Calling out because you don't feel like dealing with people is sadly not a viable excuse.
Femmeworth
Banned
Day three of being on 20 mg of Lexapro and I think I feel worse.
I know this question was not directed towards me, but it would be nice to have someone who feels the same way about you as you do them. I see couples almost everywhere and wonder if i would ever meet anyone. I've never dated anyone and would like to experience what it would be like though guys really don't like me so that adds to my depression. I went to see skyfall today the early morning showing to avoid people however the theater still was packed and there were a bunch of couples doing what couples do. i felt so unconformable i wanted to leave.
I know what you mean
knowing that im completely incapable of relationships makes me want to throw up when I see couples around and about, even to the point when they are fictional ones in media such as movies.
Dice
Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
Dice's guide to accidental ambiguous embarrassment:
1) make "biography" in GAF profile a link to a private folder with pictures of self
2) forget
3) place NSFW things in the folder for close bros who asked about them
4) folder has total of over 3k views
5) ???????
6) oh god, what do people think of me
May or may not be related to depression as I think about it.
1) make "biography" in GAF profile a link to a private folder with pictures of self
2) forget
3) place NSFW things in the folder for close bros who asked about them
4) folder has total of over 3k views
5) ???????
6) oh god, what do people think of me
May or may not be related to depression as I think about it.
How so? When I started taking prozac it took a few weeks for my body to adjust. It gave me some stomach pains and headaches if I remember correctly.
__
I just got a new job with a health care plan so I am thinking about going to see someone again. When I was younger I knew I was depressed, but it's more complicated now. I have a lot of anxiety (not panic attacks, more like a constant discomfort/nervousness in social situations) and wouldn't call myself happy, but it's not the misery like it was when I was a teenager. My emotions don't seem as strong as they used to be in either direction. It matches up with Dysthymia but I don't want to really get in the habit of diagnosing myself via wikipedia.
re: relationships
except it's with both guys n' gals for me. i like hangin' out with people. but i just don't care enough to make the next step to get to know them and make it a regular thing. it makes me think that i'm boring, because i don't care about talking, to them or about myself. and if you don't talk, what do social people do? i don't feel the depression that bad, usually, but occasionally, i get a strong feeling of it when i get insomnia.
except it's with both guys n' gals for me. i like hangin' out with people. but i just don't care enough to make the next step to get to know them and make it a regular thing. it makes me think that i'm boring, because i don't care about talking, to them or about myself. and if you don't talk, what do social people do? i don't feel the depression that bad, usually, but occasionally, i get a strong feeling of it when i get insomnia.
Femmeworth
Banned
I've been on Lexapro for about a month now, was on 10 mg.
True, but the type I think he's talking about isn't rare at all. A lot of the most attractive females(and by that I mean the one's that could have guys eating out their hands) have some ego problems, it happens with guys as well but females even more so. It seems like he needs an area change from what I see.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Bagel's guide to intentional embarrassment:
1) Show people a picture from those awkward transitional high school years.
Done.
I like your method too, though.
{Really want to hear more about this, Jubei, if you're willing to share (here or in PM). It was good to see you in chat, even if we (I don't want to name names, so let's call them "Priction" and "Fax") scared you away with weird fandom talk.
}For everyone, in general, the chats can be pretty goofy - a big part of the appeal is just cheering up with some silly talk. A lot of us know each other pretty well now, so we're comfortable just bantering with each other. If serious discussions break out, all the better. It's honestly great if someone drops in and just says, "can I talk to you guys about something...?" We had a great chat with Dice that basically started this way.
We're an inclusive group - anyone is welcome to join the chats or, when members offer to talk on PM or Skype, absolutely take them up on that offer! Don't worry about bothering people who have explicitly said, "talk to me! I'm here to listen!" I love adding new people to my "Skype family!"
I'm so proud of what Depression-GAF has become. We have a core of smart, wise, kind posters who have lived with depression and are eager to help their peers. I'm floored by people's willingness to share their stories and to really watch out for each other. There's another thread going asking about the value of these kinds of threads. I think, together, we've created something that far exceeds what you'll find in past threads or on other forums. I want us to keep that going, keeping the focus on making us all feel less alone, building a real welcoming community, and focusing on helping all of us improve and not just wallow in our depression.
If you have ideas for things you want to see in the thread, let me know. I know it's not *my* thread, but I do treat it as my baby. I'm willing to put in a lot of work to make it maximally helpful.
A lot of credit goes to some of our core members, people who are always willing to look past their own problems and reach out to others in pain - incredible people like OomiKami (<3), Fiction, Dice, Prax, Windam, RatskyWatsky, and UChip (among so many others!) - who are consistently there to listen to people who post from the depths of despair. And there are people like Piano and Bloom who try to share their particular areas of knowledge. And people like Classy Penguin, Pau, Agent Cooper, and Smiley90 have really caught my attention as just really good, caring guys and gals. I love adding more people to my mental list of people I know are willing to share and help. People post in desperation and despair, sure, with messages of defeat, but the community is there to walk them through their feelings and turn defeat into a plan to get better.
I think this thread is getting better and better and I really think we're building something that blows the away the common perception that we're just a bunch of people saying, "I'm depressed and it's hopeless," "Me too," ad nauseam.
Thank you all for your feedback and your kind words. I hope when someone helps you, with kind words, a kick in the butt, by sharing a story that makes them feel less alone, you let them know. I know there are a lot of people trying to help, at some emotional cost to themselves, and not getting that occasional word of thanks is just a huge bummer. I've heard some nice things from some of you and it really makes my day and makes me want to work even harder.
So that's my rambling manifesto. I love you guys, I'm blessed to call many of you true friends, you've helped me so much more than you know, and I want to work to make this thread one if the best on GAF or, indeed, anywhere.
More interviews to come, if people keep finding them useful. I have a backlog of Depression-GAFfers, but I'm also trying to branch out and bring in some folks who we don't see here but might have some very different perspectives.
Prax
Member
Lissen, don't tell me you didn't get a sense of voyeuristic satisfaction from that! Lol My rambling powers can be great and vast!
Anyway, I'm sorry if anyone got uncomfortable from that! I will try to not make a habit of it in chats. I just want everyone to know that I am try my best to be open to discussing anything with anyone without judgement. Maybe usually with a positive spin on everything if I feel it will help.
And yeah, I'm glad this thread has turned into a good place for people to drop by and vent or update and to get support for one another. Thanks again Bagels, for kind of being the rallying guy in this thread.
Lissen, don't tell me you didn't get a sense of voyeuristic satisfaction from that! Lol My rambling powers can be great and vast!
Anyway, I'm sorry if anyone got uncomfortable from that! I will try to not make a habit of it in chats. I just want everyone to know that I am try my best to be open to discussing anything with anyone without judgement. Maybe usually with a positive spin on everything if I feel it will help.
And yeah, I'm glad this thread has turned into a good place for people to drop by and vent or update and to get support for one another. Thanks again Bagels, for kind of being the rallying guy in this thread.
I was just teasing you guys about the fandom thing! I'm glad you and Fiction found that in common!
UChip - that certainly could be a thing. You're more blunt in this thread than most. But frankly I appreciate that. You'll kick someone's butt if he needs it and you'll call people on their bullshit. At the very least, I know that if I fuck up, you'll tell me about it. I really appreciate your contributions to this thread.
We all have wants and needs.
- Status