Answer to original question: I have a similar problem. It sucks and it's fucking depressing. I wish I had a solution for it too.
Just wanted to remind you that you are not alone.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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Answer to original question: I have a similar problem. It sucks and it's fucking depressing. I wish I had a solution for it too.
Just wanted to remind you that you are not alone.
What about one of those gyms that are open 24/7? Whenever I go to one of them after midnight, I never see anyone there.
I would never go to a concert myself for similar reasons, so I can't help you there. I put you above me because you were able to man up and go to some of them.
I've read that they allow it if it's causing suicidal thoughts, so I'm just going to a doctor and ask for it.
I only go to jazz concerts where I can sit in a chair and mind my own business. I couldn't go to a concert where you have to stand up the entire time with people dancing all around you.
Agent Cooper
Member
Can't eat anymore. Can't even drink water, most of the time. Everything makes me nauseous.
I had to force down some food tonight so my stomach would stop growling.
Sigh.
I had to force down some food tonight so my stomach would stop growling.
Sigh.
I've taken some L-Tyrosine an hour ago and I feel a little better now.
Is there really nothing you can eat? How about soup and milk? Milk is a great solution for calories and soup will help you to get the vitamins you need. You really have to watch out for deficiencies since that will worsen your depression.
Is there really nothing you can eat? How about soup and milk? Milk is a great solution for calories and soup will help you to get the vitamins you need. You really have to watch out for deficiencies since that will worsen your depression.
I think this weekend has been really good, best I've felt this month, met some friends - didn't even speak about what I was doing, just enjoyed myself, spent today relaxing and sleeping in, felt really good, I know I'm not supposed to but I ordered a takeway for the whole family, any chance of saving money for the Christmas is gone lol. I wish I could take a holiday.
I gave a big fu to my studies though, in some ways I don't care anymore. I'll just give a hash attempt it at tonight, it doesn't really make a difference.
I gave a big fu to my studies though, in some ways I don't care anymore. I'll just give a hash attempt it at tonight, it doesn't really make a difference.
No. Don't do this. Studying is like the gardener just after a cold winter, sowing the seeds, but can't see any visible results. Concentrate on putting the work in now, not the result.
Apart from that, It's great to hear somebody doing well in this thread.
Well I did go out and enjoy myself that night, but I always usually commonly feel like shit when I return home. It even happened last night when I went out with a few friends, despite enjoying the night.
I've just been feeling increasingly less optimistic about my future. I dislike how my job is making me feel, both physically and more importantly mentally. I feel so trapped, and the fact it's a full-time job just makes the grind of it all so much worse. It's only been 3 months and I cannot see the end of the tunnel, and it's certainly made me realise a full-time job really isn't what I want to be doing. Either animation or music is what I want to be doing, but I just can't quite see that ever happening. Every day it torments me that my time at college really didn't open me up as it did for many of my friends, and that just upsets me. I've missed out on so much life experience in that respect, and it's a regret I'll forever have to live with.
If it was up to me I'd reset my life, but I just don't quite know how I'd go about that. Although it's a bit extreme, perhaps move abroad for a bit? I'm really not sure, and I'm certainly not sure how I'd go about it.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Travel sounds like a great idea. Or you could save up and go back to uni if you think the experience is worth the money. Most people would probably reset their lives. Maybe not from day-1 infancy, but certainly at pivotal points in their lives, like when they started high/college/their career.
Depression is that kind of beast. You'll know you're making progress when they occur less often though.
scar tissue
Banned
Curious thing I noticed: I slept only 4-5 hours in the nights to friday and to saturday, and those two days were the most productive/active I've been in a long time.
Cleaned my flat, sorted shit out at university, talked to people and so on.
Normally, I need a lot of sleep (8h) or I'll feel like shit, but not this time. I wonder what's up with that?
Edit: Currently reading :59 Seconds again (although I think I didn't finish it the first time) thanks to Ashes' recommendation - dunno if it will help me at this point, but if I ever get past the worst part of my SA and depression, I can see it being really useful. Very insightful, finally a self-help book on a scientific basis. As a scientific person, most other self-help books make me want to pull my hair out.
Cleaned my flat, sorted shit out at university, talked to people and so on.
Normally, I need a lot of sleep (8h) or I'll feel like shit, but not this time. I wonder what's up with that?
Edit: Currently reading :59 Seconds again (although I think I didn't finish it the first time) thanks to Ashes' recommendation - dunno if it will help me at this point, but if I ever get past the worst part of my SA and depression, I can see it being really useful. Very insightful, finally a self-help book on a scientific basis. As a scientific person, most other self-help books make me want to pull my hair out.
Agent Cooper
Member
When I get super hungry I eat something small, but I just choke it down and can't even enjoy it. I'll try soup. Milk is a big no. :/
**hugs**
Out of Working Order
Member
Sometimes I feel like I don't want help, though. I don't want somebody trying to convince me that things can get better, because I don't think they can. Medication is the same.
I am a lonely man, and quite simply, don't wish to live. I want to shut down and not think or feel again. I don't care about anything. If it weren't for my Mum and Dad, I would off myself. Without a doubt.
Can you start an animation project in your free time? Working a job in that field might kill your passion for it anyway. At least you can do what you want with your own project.
User 100115
Banned
The only way you'll fail 100% is if you don't take it at all. /hug
Do your best, I am sure you will do great!
The only good thing about depression is that I lose a lot of weight when I am depressed... =/ It doesn't make me feel better about myself, but I am skinnier...
Try taking some water afterwards with whatever your eating should help. I tend to do something while eating so I don't realize what I'm doing, I used to eat nuts, berries small pieces of chcoclate while doing work as I couldn't stand having dinner/lunch/breakfast.
Collete
Member
User 100115
Banned
Just don't psych yourself out. You know this stuff, you are smart as hell. If you do get a bad grade, that would be the only reason hehe.
I frequently have ups and downs. I constantly distract myself from my depression. So yeah, some of us are able to drag ourselves back from the brink.
Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from thinking about the future?
I wouldn't necessarily say I pull myself out... The depression just subsides after a while and I can get back to be relatively normal. Either the situation fizzles, or I give myself enough time to deal with what happened.
What happens sometimes is that a close friend of mine gets annoyed that I am depressed and starts saying stuff like "What the mind can believe, it can achieve." Or "You have to make yourself happy" and random things like that... Out of sheer guilt for being depressed I pull myself out of it as to not upset him...
User 100115
Banned
When people say things like that to me, it makes me angry or more depressed lol. I am so weird.
I had a guy tell me that a few days ago. I didn't get angry with him, but it annoyed me to no end that he said shit like "Perk up!" and all. I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy, but there are some people who just don't understand it...
I used to be the same way, actually. If there was a guy I was talking to and he told me he was on antidepressants or depressed, I got a little unnerved and all. Now that I have gone through it and have experienced it, I have so much more respect and empathy for anyone with a mental illness...
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
Wow, that is pretty much exactly how I feel about my social anxiety.
Social anxiety is such a weird thing for me...
Every semester I teach anywhere from 20 - 50 students and I am not anxious or anything at all around them. However, when it comes to parties and social events I freeze up...
Or rather, I freeze up around men, gay men especially. Women are fine... But even then, when I started group therapy it was pretty nerve wrecking.
Every semester I teach anywhere from 20 - 50 students and I am not anxious or anything at all around them. However, when it comes to parties and social events I freeze up...
Or rather, I freeze up around men, gay men especially. Women are fine... But even then, when I started group therapy it was pretty nerve wrecking.
What I wouldn't give for even the most brief sensation of "up"...
Sadly no, what I've managed to do is in a weird way detach myself from my life and blink the days away. I focus on monotonous things like running, working out, surfing worthless things just to make the day go away and all of this I do just not to think about the future. The second I stop any of those I realize what kind of pathetic place I am in my life. At 19 I left home, started engineering at uni. At 23 I left the continent and found myself studying physics at an Ivy League school. At 25 I have neither my diploma, a job, a place of my own... living with my soon to be divorced parents that put me in this shitty place to begin with.
Sometimes it isn't always an "up" though... It's more of a reaching a zero point before dipping back into the negative. Those are the moments some of us consider "bliss" as we are not hurting and functional.
I understand where you are coming from about life... We are here it you want to talk and we'll do what we can to help... =/
User 100115
Banned
Running and working out are awesome ways to raise your mood, just don't over do it.
Is there anything you can become excited about? A movie, a television show, a game, anything? I find that throwing myself into stupid things with all my being is a good way to distract myself from my depression. That way I can get excited about the new Doctor Who episode, and have something to look forward to.
I wish I had photoshop skills.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ABrIfGM7Ro
I would take the image of that and change "I'm going to get stuff done today" to "Yeah, I actually feel decent today", and instead of Internet, I would change it to "Depression".
Yep...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ABrIfGM7Ro
I would take the image of that and change "I'm going to get stuff done today" to "Yeah, I actually feel decent today", and instead of Internet, I would change it to "Depression".
Yep...
Things have been better than usually for me lately. I have been getting into a short but intense workout schedule at least every other day and I look forward to it even.
I'm finally learning to take things slower so I don't overwhelm myself with mostly self-induced stress. I'm pretty socially withdrawn, but it might be for the best for now and I'm preparing for a math final that I've fallen slightly behind in the material over the course.
I do feel I understand it or I just need a tiny bit more work to fully grasp it but lately I've had a very melancholy outlook on almost everything and it makes it hard to focus and put the effort into things that I know I can be capable of under better circumstances.
I have some work too, which is good for me. I like my job and they are understanding that I am more of a temporary employee for their busy season who wants to move on to bigger things when I can. I'm looking for an apprenticeship, preferably with a unionized company so I'll have a job when I have to move again in a couple years.
I was trying to take various types of anti-depressants over the last 6 months or so but I have never had any real or positive results. I find a good diet (no processed foods, grains or sugars), regular exercise, a loving SO/understanding friends and family help more than anything I've taken that numbs my brain off.
I've even been enjoying a new release in a game series I haven't played in some time. Which means a fair bit to me, since lately I'm losing interest in a lot. I'm getting nervous because my SO has to go away for up to 3 months at a time with work fairly often and one of those times is coming up after Xmas. I can only hope I'll find a good apprenticeship for me by then to keep me busy day-to-day.
I haven't been alone for long periods of time without family or friends in quite a while so I'm trying to get in a good place mentally, so I can keep on top of things.
Even though I constantly plug away at all the little day-to-day stuff, I am finding it much more difficult. I often meet people who like to press their expectations of me onto me, even when I try to explain why I have to hold back and need more time for everything these days, even myself.
That's my story. It's very cold and the lack of sun here is making me super melancholy and it's effecting how productive I usually am. And I tend to hate on myself for it.
I'm finally learning to take things slower so I don't overwhelm myself with mostly self-induced stress. I'm pretty socially withdrawn, but it might be for the best for now and I'm preparing for a math final that I've fallen slightly behind in the material over the course.
I do feel I understand it or I just need a tiny bit more work to fully grasp it but lately I've had a very melancholy outlook on almost everything and it makes it hard to focus and put the effort into things that I know I can be capable of under better circumstances.
I have some work too, which is good for me. I like my job and they are understanding that I am more of a temporary employee for their busy season who wants to move on to bigger things when I can. I'm looking for an apprenticeship, preferably with a unionized company so I'll have a job when I have to move again in a couple years.
I was trying to take various types of anti-depressants over the last 6 months or so but I have never had any real or positive results. I find a good diet (no processed foods, grains or sugars), regular exercise, a loving SO/understanding friends and family help more than anything I've taken that numbs my brain off.
I've even been enjoying a new release in a game series I haven't played in some time. Which means a fair bit to me, since lately I'm losing interest in a lot. I'm getting nervous because my SO has to go away for up to 3 months at a time with work fairly often and one of those times is coming up after Xmas. I can only hope I'll find a good apprenticeship for me by then to keep me busy day-to-day.
I haven't been alone for long periods of time without family or friends in quite a while so I'm trying to get in a good place mentally, so I can keep on top of things.
Even though I constantly plug away at all the little day-to-day stuff, I am finding it much more difficult. I often meet people who like to press their expectations of me onto me, even when I try to explain why I have to hold back and need more time for everything these days, even myself.
That's my story. It's very cold and the lack of sun here is making me super melancholy and it's effecting how productive I usually am. And I tend to hate on myself for it.
I have no idea where to start if I were to move abroad for a couple of years, and despite hating how my life is at the moment I do feel my place is here at the moment. It's a complicated situation.
I'd love to go back to uni, but I know I'd be wasting my time. I do heavily regret not moving out of my home during those days, since I really feel it would've helped open me up a bit. It of course saved me money living at home, but I do think I would have benefited from it like many of my friends.
My goal at the moment is to try and get my animation showreel up to scratch, but my OCD makes it hard to ever be satisfied with what I do. I've had an idea for an animated short film for a while, but I feel my first goal is to get out of my current job before doing so.
I know for a fact I want to be doing something creative, because what I'm doing at the moment isn't and it's destroying me. The company is filled with some nice people, but they're not really my kind of people, nor is it where I want to work for much longer.
I've also been trying to get my band going, but nothing has happened so far. We've yet to even rehearse as a group yet, and we've been talking about it for quite some time.
I'm stuck in a rut with everything, and I wish to escape.
I hear ya. Appreciate it.
Sadly I have a tendency for overdoing things, of which none are what I need this very moment obviously, and the whole working out and dieting part of my life has engrossed me to the point of being the only thing I do. Sitting, measuring body fat percentages, calculating and counting the amount of individual sunflower seeds I'm allowing myself to eat...
I wish, when it comes to that I only get more depressed/angry at myself when I figure out that there's something I want to buy,do,eat,see only to realize I have no money of my own and yet somehow I have ZERO lust for money, tell me I'll get a million dollars for doing X and I'd wager twice as much that I won't be bothered to do it.
It might sound extremely pathetic/weak willed/wimpy/whatever but nowadays I'm just waiting to die somehow, I'm extremely pessimistic and I expect nothing else than to get cancer or something before the age of 30. Almost got run over by a car this past summer, literally inches away from dying. People talk about their lives flashing infront of their eyes in a moment like that and all I could think of was what if the car stopped just a liiiiittle bit too late? Fuck me man where do I go wrong?
As the day has progressed, my mood as dropped considerably.
It's sad at my age to realize that the only person you can really rely on in life is yourself... Thoughts like this are what cause me to retreat within myself and to shut the rest of the world out. If it is just you, the only person you can be mad at or disappointed in or hurt by is yourself. If a need isn't fulfilled, you only have to blame yourself.
Growing up I had so many basic needs not met and it is slowly becoming a realization that no one is going to fulfill those needs... I need to provide those things for myself, and it's easier to shut everyone else out so that I do not becoming reliant on anyone... Because in the end, all they do is disappoint you hurt you, and blame you, anyway.
It's sad at my age to realize that the only person you can really rely on in life is yourself... Thoughts like this are what cause me to retreat within myself and to shut the rest of the world out. If it is just you, the only person you can be mad at or disappointed in or hurt by is yourself. If a need isn't fulfilled, you only have to blame yourself.
Growing up I had so many basic needs not met and it is slowly becoming a realization that no one is going to fulfill those needs... I need to provide those things for myself, and it's easier to shut everyone else out so that I do not becoming reliant on anyone... Because in the end, all they do is disappoint you hurt you, and blame you, anyway.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
So how about regularly scheduling chats on Saturdays? Is that a good day for people? At about, like, 5 Pacific?
The url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is
(Quote to read)
The url for the room is http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf and the password (so randoms can't get in) is
(Quote to read)
It's not weird at all. In situations where more emotions are involved you get more anxious. That's how it is for me. You don't have to make an emotional connection with your students. It doesn't matter if your doctor or the cashier at the store wants to be friends with you. But as soon as you want to bond with people, you start panicking. It could very well be that you mistakenly think you have social anxiety but in fact you have fear of rejection.
That is most likely exactly what it is. I've never been rejected by many women in my life except in like... second grade and as a freshman in high school. But, I've had so many men reject me over the years. Fear of rejection and fear of abandonment... The underlying cause of all of my problems.
And it's so funny how all of it is in the subconscious. I never actively think about being rejected or abandoned until I feel it is beginning to happen or until I make that initial emotional connection. But, that fear makes me want to avoid relationships with men and meeting them...
I have the exact same problem. I have recently come to the conclusion that almost all gay men are scum and I doubt that the few who aren't will ever want me.
Necromanti
Member
Didn't you say you were in a relationship, though?
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
unfortunately I think that too.
Welcome to that club. We have refreshments on the side table.
I get so many mixed signals all the time... And the people I do make connections with are emotionally unavailable to me for one reason or another...
I hate gay men, I hate the gay community, and I hate myself... But I don't hate myself for being gay. I wouldn't want to become straight. It's like this constant struggle.
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
I don't hate them, I hate the "community", I can't be a part of it. I don't feel like I am or could ever be. I feel so distant from this so called gay community. And yes, it's a difficult struggle.
I feel that same way. The gay community I was introduced to and have been exposed to ever since I accepted who I was has been the community of promiscuity, lies, deceit, cheating, and disrespect... I know there are gay men out there who are not like that, but I find it difficult to find those. All of the ones I encounter are out for sex, or are in "open relationships", or something of that nature. Even the gay men who have treated me well fall into that group, unfortunately...
Most likely... But, it's difficult to find them, present company excluded.
Necromanti
Member
It's hard to force yourself to be someone you're not and become part of a sub-culture that feels foreign to you. I don't want my sexual orientation to be the cornerstone of my identity.
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
Yeah, that's just how it is, and how I see it. It sucks
Exactly.
It ends up making me feel more isolated though.
I agree... I'm am not a big gay graduate student who lives alone in his gay apartment and drives his gay corolla who enjoys having sex with other gay men.
I'm the graduate student who lives alone, drives a corolla, likes video games, and has a chihuahua who just so happens to also be gay.
I dont think I have depression, but I'm going to post in here anyways for advice.
I've been talking to someone online since march, and everything was well, until about 2 weeks ago when I told her how I really felt about her. (I thought she felt the same because she was very flirty and always wanted to talk. She lives in oregon and I live across the country in ny. she is also 28 and i'm 21. I didn't think these things really mattered, and if we don't liked each other we could have figured something out. Apparently she met someone else, and then he personality changed for the worst against me. Obviously I felt really sad because she didn't feel the same, and For the next week felt horrible, but I knew that I at least wanted to be friends. Throughout the whole thing after telling her, she ignored me for the majority of the messages I sent her, and the ones she responded were cold and rude. I am still confused and can't figure out why. Maybe I was annoying her with all the messages I sent her, but I wanted to work things out so at least we could be friends. long story short is that she posted on her blog, "get over it already. blah blah blah you'd understand if you did some growing up yourself." for everyone to see. It was obviously directed towards me. She also took off any way of me talking to her. I just can't understand why she changed so drastically in such little amount of time. We used to talk on the phone, and text everyday, but that's all gone out the window. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I was nothing but kind to her throughout the whole thing, and during the whole time that we were talking, I was nothing but nice to her also. I was never once rude to her. I can't understand why she is being so rude to me. I guess I just need some type of closure and i'm not getting it.
I'm also 21, and have been getting job offers which require me to move away from my family, but they pay really well. These offers along with the situation with her put me into a really depressed state these past two weeks. I feel this constant pain in my heart, and am always sleeping. I don't know what to do.
I'm doing this with her also, I think that's why i can't get over her. I feel like I won't find someone who is as attractive, and that's what is holding me back. I'm really stressed out over everything. I just want to be friends with her, and I guess she doesn't for some reason. there really isn't a reason why either, and that's what's killing me.
I've been talking to someone online since march, and everything was well, until about 2 weeks ago when I told her how I really felt about her. (I thought she felt the same because she was very flirty and always wanted to talk. She lives in oregon and I live across the country in ny. she is also 28 and i'm 21. I didn't think these things really mattered, and if we don't liked each other we could have figured something out. Apparently she met someone else, and then he personality changed for the worst against me. Obviously I felt really sad because she didn't feel the same, and For the next week felt horrible, but I knew that I at least wanted to be friends. Throughout the whole thing after telling her, she ignored me for the majority of the messages I sent her, and the ones she responded were cold and rude. I am still confused and can't figure out why. Maybe I was annoying her with all the messages I sent her, but I wanted to work things out so at least we could be friends. long story short is that she posted on her blog, "get over it already. blah blah blah you'd understand if you did some growing up yourself." for everyone to see. It was obviously directed towards me. She also took off any way of me talking to her. I just can't understand why she changed so drastically in such little amount of time. We used to talk on the phone, and text everyday, but that's all gone out the window. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I was nothing but kind to her throughout the whole thing, and during the whole time that we were talking, I was nothing but nice to her also. I was never once rude to her. I can't understand why she is being so rude to me. I guess I just need some type of closure and i'm not getting it.
I'm also 21, and have been getting job offers which require me to move away from my family, but they pay really well. These offers along with the situation with her put me into a really depressed state these past two weeks. I feel this constant pain in my heart, and am always sleeping. I don't know what to do.
I'm doing this with her also, I think that's why i can't get over her. I feel like I won't find someone who is as attractive, and that's what is holding me back. I'm really stressed out over everything. I just want to be friends with her, and I guess she doesn't for some reason. there really isn't a reason why either, and that's what's killing me.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Heck yeah. I used to be suicidal and extremely depressed daily. Now suicide never crosses my mind, the depression only sets in every couple weeks or so or when I have a particularly bad day, and I would define myself overall as optimistic
Necromanti
Member
Gay chihuahuas are always a handful.
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