Chuckie
Member
Yes.
God, now I want to watch this movie again.
LadyGAF Advises ManGAF
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God, now I want to watch this movie again.
that last part
are you me ? I am you...
we are one...
I talk and talk and talk but I always just feel it's fucking utterly hopeless
Yes. It's like I know that I can try to be my best, be the smartest, funniest, charming and just greatest I can be when talking or whatever, but it's never going to be enough. There's some invisible wall that holds me back that I can not break through or figure out. Something about me is simply either unappealing or just repulsive to women when thinking about me in a romantic sense I think. I do not think it's my personality, because I've always been told I'm funny and interesting, and people love talking to me, so I think it must be my face.
I'm sure you do not feel the same way as I on that, but that's just how I've always kind of thought it out.
wait so how old are you and have you ever been in a serious or long term relationship before though ?
Early 20's, and not really.
shanshan310
Member
Emily Chu, join a club. Its a good way to meet someone with similar interests.
Sounds like its your attitude tbh.
It's kind of hard to go against experience though. Disappointment and confusion seem to linger over any sort of notion of just a simple change in attitude, and I mean it's not like I'm moping around in real life or scowling. It's just that I've gotten to the point where I don't know what to do and don't know how to fix it.
thebaroness
Member
This is the same goddamn advice I give to my 26 year old female friends who just "can't find the right guy." Stop. Looking.
Both your problems are you don't have anyone in particular you like, you just want someone. You haven't met anyone you really connect with. You're desperate and lonely, you just want someone to be your companion to fill the empty void. You're needy and lack confidence because of that need. Love is not a formula or process. It's a spontaneous spark that happens when you see the right smile, or have the right conversation.
So stop looking so hard for a companion. Focus on yourself. Focus on getting good grades. Get a cool job. Get an awesome hobbie. Read more books. Watch more movies. Attend concerts because you like the band, not to pick up chicks. Learn a language. Take a class. Go skating. Walk your dog at a new park.
Do things that YOU LIKE, and don't even think about trying to "find someone". Once that happens, it will just click for you. You'll come across someone without trying and then something can develop.
thebaroness
Member
Also, you're in your early 20's for christssake. Stop stressing. You got time nigga.
Ah, I can not argue with that. I do things that I enjoy, and I continue to try and do better at school all the time. I will not lie to you though that the sting of loneliness still remains though. I do not even need an instant love or infatuation, but a change to the better would be nice. Attention or romantic interest would be nice to be honest.
I'm sure this all so far sounds needy and desperate, I understand, but I'd like to be clear that I do not act like that. I know better than to hang on someone's words just for the sake of possibly romantic interests. I am no more talkative to random women than I am men. I'm polite but I'm always straight to the point. I don't stare or try to strike up small talk in some desperate plea for something, like I know a lot of other guys do. I just treat random girls like a random dude, where I'm respectful and to the point.
I do have hobbies, I enjoy video games, movies, reading, working out, and I enjoy doing them, but at the end of the day we are a social species. Everybody wants somebody that they can rely on romantically and emotionally.
Yes, but times slips away faster and faster each passing year.
after a while, I feel it just comes down to stupid luck...
the last gf I had I fell ass backwards into the relationship
and I wasn't even expecting for that to happen...
it doesn't matter what you do, where you are, who you are, same goes for her
it's friggin luck of the draw
in the mean time
just enjoy your time and what you are doing
it's all anyone can do
Relationships are best started not as a way to complete yourself but as an addition to a life that is already satisfying in itself.
Also age: I remember being young and worrying about it. I was single for six years (18 to 24) and at that point just stopped caring. That's when I started to fall into relationships. So don't worry if it doesn't happen right now or even soon.
Luck would actually make the most sense. I've not been very lucky at really anything generally. Especially not important stuff. Might even venture to say I'm unlucky to be honest.
Hmm. Interesting. I definitely agree with your philosophy, but I think that I could not live a happy life by myself for the rest of my years. I mean I'm living an okay life now; I definitely wouldn't say I'm happy or satisfied with it, but I guess it could be worse.
I've definitely stopped caring at points. I've pretty much just given up for the most part, and I temper any sort of excitement or expectations I get from anything I could see as romantic interest. There are definitely times where it just hits me all at once and I just feel bad though.
thebaroness
Member
Without giving away too much of my personal life, people I've been romantically involved with I met at:
- Anime Club
- Arcade
- Arcade
- Anime Convention
- Artist in School
- Gaming Convention
SO yeah I'm a giant fucking nerd, and I connected with people at events that share my interests. I never once went to those things looking for someone. It's less about possessing luck and just being around people who share your interests.
I dunno if you're on here, it's safe to assume you like games. Have you been to a gaming convention before? Come to PAX next year, it's a lot of fun.
- Anime Club
- Arcade
- Arcade
- Anime Convention
- Artist in School
- Gaming Convention
SO yeah I'm a giant fucking nerd, and I connected with people at events that share my interests. I never once went to those things looking for someone. It's less about possessing luck and just being around people who share your interests.
I dunno if you're on here, it's safe to assume you like games. Have you been to a gaming convention before? Come to PAX next year, it's a lot of fun.
CountAntonius
Member
Sounds like Izick needs to masturbate more and think less.
thebaroness
Member
Chuckie
Member
Wow that is almost the exact period I was single (18-23)
I too worried a lot about it. Didn't have much self-esteem etcetera.
Then I kinda stopped giving a fuck. And somehow became attractive to a couple of girls...which made my selfesteem grow which made me more attractive to more girls.
I still don't think I am handsome, but at least I can now accept the fact that some girls do think so.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Don't go around and randomly namedrop people.
n64coder
Member
I went actively looking for a new relationship before. For me, it was all about maximizing the opportunities to meet others which greatly increased the odd of finding a new SO.
The weird thing is that ever since I've been married, I don't know any single guys, only single women and I don't have any suggestions on good guys for them to meet. Odd.
My cousin is an attractive professional who is very fit, smart, works as a lawyer but because she is shy, has lots of trouble meeting a good guy. I tell her that she just needs to go out and meet people but I guess it gets old after awhile.
Trying to get gf here. Albeit I have been able to score some kind of minor accomplishments, (a couple of non serious one night stands and the like over the course of several months) it is still elluding me. I people tends to consider me as a pretty good conversator with a sense of humour (and I do enjoy talking about a wide array of subjects, from purely nerdish things to more mundane ones), I think that I have an alright appearance and albeit I admit not to be the most self confident person ever, I don't have social anxiety or anything like this.
Once I got to break the ice with someone (the hardest part for me, since I simply don't know how to approach a person out of the blue), I can withold long chats. But all my efforts do fall flat, one way or another, an the post mortem evaluation is almost impossible regarding these matters (you just don't go around asking girls why they would not date you).
- Online: Message girls, do not get repliies, or they give a short, conversation - ending type of reply (Ex: "Sup"). It is rather baffling, as I tend to be able to express myself much more better in written mediums. I've got an Okcupid profile and all that, lots of visits and a couple of interesting exchanges, but the rare handful of girls that replies to me seems to be interested just in my conversation *sigh*
- Meeting friends of friends and the like. Everyone and their mother is already on a serious relationship. Being 29 puts you in a rather uncomfortable spot regarding partner potential. You do find people without a couple in my age bracket, but most of times the girls are single a) because they have chosen to do it so b) because they have some some really serious issues. As in, teenager pregnancy, heavy psichiatric medication level of issues. I am not being picky, but Jesus damn some of the stories that I have met.
- Going to bars / clubs. I only started to do this recently (some months ago), for it is very out of character from me to go to such places. I have learnt to enjoy it, but I do admit that I have yet a long way to go. Meeting strangers does put me out of my comfort zone, and some rejections can get downright brutal. My experience in this camp was quite similar to Evilore's efforts at trying to approach to Spanish girls during his Eurotrip: approach to girl, she gives signs of being interested on you or whatever you had to say, then shuddenly bailing out or when they see that you are trying to flirt with them. Gah.
Once I got to break the ice with someone (the hardest part for me, since I simply don't know how to approach a person out of the blue), I can withold long chats. But all my efforts do fall flat, one way or another, an the post mortem evaluation is almost impossible regarding these matters (you just don't go around asking girls why they would not date you).
- Online: Message girls, do not get repliies, or they give a short, conversation - ending type of reply (Ex: "Sup"). It is rather baffling, as I tend to be able to express myself much more better in written mediums. I've got an Okcupid profile and all that, lots of visits and a couple of interesting exchanges, but the rare handful of girls that replies to me seems to be interested just in my conversation *sigh*
- Meeting friends of friends and the like. Everyone and their mother is already on a serious relationship. Being 29 puts you in a rather uncomfortable spot regarding partner potential. You do find people without a couple in my age bracket, but most of times the girls are single a) because they have chosen to do it so b) because they have some some really serious issues. As in, teenager pregnancy, heavy psichiatric medication level of issues. I am not being picky, but Jesus damn some of the stories that I have met.
- Going to bars / clubs. I only started to do this recently (some months ago), for it is very out of character from me to go to such places. I have learnt to enjoy it, but I do admit that I have yet a long way to go. Meeting strangers does put me out of my comfort zone, and some rejections can get downright brutal. My experience in this camp was quite similar to Evilore's efforts at trying to approach to Spanish girls during his Eurotrip: approach to girl, she gives signs of being interested on you or whatever you had to say, then shuddenly bailing out or when they see that you are trying to flirt with them. Gah.
Vermillion
Banned
Hah
fierrotlepou
Member
I think the best thing to do right now is to leave my (ex)-girlfriend alone for a while. But it's so fucking hard and I'm afraid that she'll get used to being alone and without me. A friend told me that I might push her away even more if I try to seek contact.
Meh.
Meh.
Good sir, you must avoid contact at all costs. Matter of fact, if you're having so much of a mental struggle trying to hold off wanting to call her up, you need to delete her number, block her on FB, block her email, etc. Instead of worrying about her you need to concentrate on you. It sucks but that's probably what's best for you and your Ex.
Vermillion
Banned
So I accidentally clicked on the topic instead of the link to the last page...
Dancing how?
And my life experience does not confirm the whole dancing thing.
Dancing how?
And my life experience does not confirm the whole dancing thing.
I'll just leave this: I am 34 and single. And I always seem to go for the girls with relationship issues.
My only savior is that at least since recently actually start to notice me as a man. Recently I got the first compliment that I look hot in my whole life. And in an actual sexual way. Oh wow. Too bad nothing came of it :-(
My only savior is that at least since recently actually start to notice me as a man. Recently I got the first compliment that I look hot in my whole life. And in an actual sexual way. Oh wow. Too bad nothing came of it :-(
Mr.LightMan
Member
A couple of my female friends share a lot of things with me that im pretty sure they don't share with their other guy friends. relationship, fashion, details on said relationship. so, is that normal? Cause I wouldn't really consider them that close a friend since we don't talk that often.
This also happens with some of the girls I meet after getting to know each other.
This also happens with some of the girls I meet after getting to know each other.
I wish I could think less.
Vermillion
Banned
I know that feeling.
Top tip: Go to places beginning with 'A'.
It all makes sense now...
Vermillion
Banned
I think you're mistaken - this is NeoGAF.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Isn't Art school another name for the Abyss?
This is exactly my problem, I already have a satisfying life. I enjoy my time to myself, I do a lot of stuff(by myself), I study a lot for school, but I do need that addition to my life that only a relationship can give you, a breath of fresh air, something different, and for me it would a completely new experience since I've never had a girlfriend. It's like when you want to try something new so you try weed or alcohol, but in my case I want to try being in a relationship with a girl I really care about, and right there is a girl I care about, we'll see how it works out.
I went to a CD release party the other day. There was dancing, and I was doing a pretty good job at dancing (I hope) - girls 'wooo'd' me, and some came up to me to dance near me. Mind you it was a small group of people dancing, but me being one of the only men dancing and doing a good job at it, brought a lot of positive attention my way. From there it wouldn't have been impossible for me to smile at one of the girls dancing with me, lean in and offer to buy her a drink - and bingo bango, ice broken.
Macmanus
Member
This is incredibly true and a really interesting dichotomy in the way it (seems to) shifts importance in genders as they age.
Early on it seems like men (boys) want to enter into relationships to complete themselves, and now in my late twenties it feels like the complete opposite. The last three women I've dated all have had established careers, but hobbies and passions have fallen by the wayside and their focus is simply being in a relationship and transforming into some sort of cohesive unit.
In my newest relationship only a few months deep she wants to spend almost every day together. It's nice to have someone that passionate about spending time with you, but I really need time to myself to do my own things. I even started out this relationship explicitly stating this fact and that the lack of time I gave to myself became a direct conflict in the past, yet despite this I'm once again being smothered. I think anyone who doesn't have hobbies and passions is simply a giant red flag for me at this point.
I'm screwed then.Yup yup. This seems to be the bit a lot of guys (at least in dating-age) don't seem to get. I don't think that our gender as a whole places as much weight on physical appearance as men do. Personality - and confidence - is what makes or breaks a man. No matter how many times I've said this in dating age though some guys just don't seem to understand
While I can see people wanting to get in a more "serious" relationship the older they get, this might also be a difference between introverts and extraverts perhaps? My first boyfriend was an extravert, and he felt very hurt when I wanted time to myself. He couldn't stand to be alone, and would not respect my need for space. Maybe if you discuss this possibility with her she will become more understanding of what you need.
I'm screwed then.
Confidence can be built. It's not some intrinsic quality you're born with, but something that you can cultivate on your own.
Macmanus
Member
I think this is pretty damned accurate. Two of the three were with extroverts, and the introvert seemed emotionally stunted.
I really love to socialize and be around people and usually have no issue striking up conversation, but I also find it exhausting and need time to internalize. I think this leads to problems when explaining to people that I am introverted. They assume I'm supposed to be quiet and shy if that was actually the case.
Ladygaf. Someone who you briefly dated, but with whom things didn't work out asks you to get a drink and catch up. How would you respond?
I'm thinking of asking a girl that I shortly dated earlier this year for a drink. Saw some photos of her on Facebook and she is looking great these days.
I'm thinking of asking a girl that I shortly dated earlier this year for a drink. Saw some photos of her on Facebook and she is looking great these days.
Perhaps have them read this article?
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/
Introverts themselves can vary wildly with some more social than others. The only common thread is getting your energy from spending time alone rather than with others. (I'm a bit of an activist for more understanding of introverts so you'll have to pardon me if I get a bit excitable about it. >>)
So what do you mean when you say "confidence" exactly? Like I know I'm confident in the fact that I'm funny, intelligent, charming, and very sociable when talking to women, for example, but the only thing is that deep down I have a sinking feeling there's never any romantic interest.
To give an example:
So a few years back, I was in an electronics big-box store I think or something, and I saw this very cute girl. So a friend of mine actually worked at that same store, and he kind of took things into his own hands and hooked her up with me. Anyway, she started to text me and talk to me on the phone. She always said I was funny and charming and stuff, and she even said she thought I was cute when she saw me in the store that one time. So she asked me to come down to said store sometime to hang out and talk to her, but I could never do it. We continued to talk for weeks, than months, and eventually a year or so, but I could never do it simply because I thought that if I did see her again in person, she would realize that I was ugly, be disappointed and forgo talking to me all together. Eventually though she gradually started talking to me less and less, and I think she got a boyfriend, so it's been years since that ended.
So I guess in that aspect I'm not confident in myself at all, to be frank. I never have been in the past.
To give an example:
So a few years back, I was in an electronics big-box store I think or something, and I saw this very cute girl. So a friend of mine actually worked at that same store, and he kind of took things into his own hands and hooked her up with me. Anyway, she started to text me and talk to me on the phone. She always said I was funny and charming and stuff, and she even said she thought I was cute when she saw me in the store that one time. So she asked me to come down to said store sometime to hang out and talk to her, but I could never do it. We continued to talk for weeks, than months, and eventually a year or so, but I could never do it simply because I thought that if I did see her again in person, she would realize that I was ugly, be disappointed and forgo talking to me all together. Eventually though she gradually started talking to me less and less, and I think she got a boyfriend, so it's been years since that ended.
So I guess in that aspect I'm not confident in myself at all, to be frank. I never have been in the past.
Dude, she told you she thought you were cute, what else do you need? My problem is that no girl ever tells me I'm cute, they might think I'm funny and charming, but I don't physically attract women, well my face doesn't, I'm actually in pretty damn good shape.
No, you misunderstand, I am the same way.
Have you never seen someone who you found attractive at a passing glance, but once you see them in actuality they're quite the opposite? That's what I always figured that was for when she saw me. Probably just a passing glance that gave me a good angle or something.
Excuses never got dates.
The Power Of Snap
Member
I have the same needs. Tried older women clubs but it was a really bad experience.
I can't disagree with that but that's what I honestly thought.
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