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[Dr.NoiseWater]

I decided to heed your advice. I told myself that I would dance my ass off the next time I heard some music. Belive you me, sister, I broke it down. I threw in a little pop and lock punctuated by the moonwalk. Not to be outdone by anyone else I even incorporated some Usher moves to really set the tone to everyone else that I could break it down.

I was working up a pretty nasty sweat with pit stains on the ole underarms. I even had a batch of from-unda-cheese brewing. I also made my way to a special lady to rub my man parts on her lady parts as we danced. Who cares if she was two days older than baseball? Who am I to judge?

But she didn't take the bait. Everyone closed their hymns and tortured me, telling me I should be more respectful at a funeral parlor. And I thought "Well I'll be a horses pecker. This OP is full of shite..."

What say you?

 

[Vermillion]

I went to a CD release party the other day. There was dancing, and I was doing a pretty good job at dancing (I hope) - girls 'wooo'd' me, and some came up to me to dance near me. Mind you it was a small group of people dancing, but me being one of the only men dancing and doing a good job at it, brought a lot of positive attention my way. From there it wouldn't have been impossible for me to smile at one of the girls dancing with me, lean in and offer to buy her a drink - and bingo bango, ice broken.

See, for many of the places I go, you end up looking weird if you're dancing by yourself. Dancing by yourself has worked out well for literally one person I've ever seen. For everyone else? I mean, I guess they tried, but they just ended up looking strange.

Wait, there's one other case I've heard of, and other girls just danced around him (friend of mine).

It's never worked for me. Even when I was at this party and I started to dougie - people cheered, but that's about it. Other time I was dancing next to this one girl (whom my friend is interested in, so to be fair that doesn't count - we were dancing as friends).

Spoiler

I really need to stop going places with my present group of friends. I feel like I'm infinitely more prone to failure because of them. Tangent now, but friends are the reason I usually don't dance at parties (either I'd be shut down or informed that it's stupid if there are no girls around). Save for that party where I did my dougie - those were different friends though (we all live together, but I mean the usuals weren't there).

 

[shanshan310]

edit: Also, if you have a defeatist attitude from the beginning it will NEVER go anywhere. You've ALREADY DECIDED you've lost.

Ding ding ding. Its probably something that's hard to stop doing, but thinking no one finds you attractive is not going to help you. That's lack of confidence.

 

[maxxpower]

If the only thing that is stopping these girls you're meeting from dating you is your looks, you need to meet better girls.


edit: Also, if you have a defeatist attitude from the beginning it will NEVER go anywhere. You've ALREADY DECIDED you've lost.

In my case it's not so much about finding other women or having a defeatist attitude it's just acknowledging that I'm not a good looking guy. I'm not gay but I can tell when a guy is good looking and I'm not a good looking guy, I admit it, that's why I work really hard on my personality and my charm, which I have plenty of. I also have an interesting personality but there also has to be a physical attraction.

 

[Sanky Panky]

LadyGAF, any of you have, or know someone with PMDD?

It's basically an extreme form of PMS, where the woman has a hormonal inbalance causing extreme anxiety, panic attacks, depression, etc etc.

I am trying to work it out with my gf, because I truly think she's the one for me, but it's like hell on Earth whenever she gets it. The relationship is at a breaking point, because I moved to another city 2 hours away, and she found out she won't be able to move in with me in January (as we had planned). We'd have to wait until June, so in her PMDD episode, she wanted to break up, since it's hard being away from each other.

It's a theme when she has PMDD and gets drunk. She pushes me away, and wants to make me break up with her. Then, she can say how things never work out for her, and how she always fall for the trap of loving someone too much. The next day, or after a while, she apologizes when I don't go anywhere or react to her aggression.

Any experiences with this stuff?

 

[Lissar]

In my case it's not so much about finding other women or having a defeatist attitude it's just acknowledging that I'm not a good looking guy. I'm not gay but I can tell when a guy is good looking and I'm not a good looking guy, I admit it, that's why I work really hard on my personality and my charm, which I have plenty of. I also have an interesting personality but there also has to be a physical attraction.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A person you are interested in can become more attractive in your eyes just because you think they are an awesome person. If you are born less attractive than others it can only be a hinderance if you let it become one.

I have an uncle, he's 5'6" with a mustache and somewhat goblin-like in appearance. He married a woman who is nearly 6' and model gorgeous (in fact she did model in her youth.) She clearly had some connection with him than trumped everything else. They are quite happy together.

 

[Lonely1]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A person you are interested in can become more attractive in your eyes just because you think they are an awesome person. If you are born less attractive than others it can only be a hinderance if you let it become one.

I have an uncle, he's 5'6" with a mustache and somewhat goblin-like in appearance. He married a woman who is nearly 6' and model gorgeous (in fact she did model in her youth.) She clearly had some connection with him than trumped everything else. They are quite happy together.

Girls don't like mustaches nowadays?

 

[Lissar]

It's a very 70s 'stache. It's so goddamn creepy.

 

[Vermillion]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A person you are interested in can become more attractive in your eyes just because you think they are an awesome person. If you are born less attractive than others it can only be a hinderance if you let it become one.

I have an uncle, he's 5'6" with a mustache and somewhat goblin-like in appearance. He married a woman who is nearly 6' and model gorgeous (in fact she did model in her youth.) She clearly had some connection with him than trumped everything else. They are quite happy together.

Eh, to be fair that's not the norm.

 

[Lonely1]

But I thought that creeper 'staches were in after Breaking Bad.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

Girls don't like mustaches nowadays?

Not in the overwhelmingly majority of cases.

 

[Lissar]

Eh, to be fair that's not the norm.

The point of the story was that there is someone for everyone and no one is doomed to an existence of loneliness unless they make it that way themselves.

 

[shanshan310]

Eh, to be fair that's not the norm.

It sure seems that way. Women just don't care about looks as much.

 

[FallingEdge]

Anytime I try to grow a mustache I end up with a pedo stache.

Do not want.

 

[Pre]

All in all your confidence and psychological strength is going to determine your success with women far more than your looks. Sure, it's easier for men who look great to succeed with attractive women, but if they're insecure and supplicating they aren't going to do as well as a less attractive man who isn't scared at all to talk to a beautiful woman and doesn't seek her approval.

 

[Vermillion]

It sure seems that way. Women just don't care about looks as much.

Studies say that's a myth.

And personal experience.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

Studies say that's a myth.

And personal experience.

Nah, it's true.

But not as much as men is still a lot.

 

[Lissar]

The ladies around here are just as likely to drool over an attractive person as a man is (see: recent happenings in the GirlGAF thread.) But we're much less likely to rate people on an attractiveness scale or judge them harshly if they don't meet a certain level of attractiveness. I think that says something.

 

[Izick]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A person you are interested in can become more attractive in your eyes just because you think they are an awesome person. If you are born less attractive than others it can only be a hinderance if you let it become one.

I have an uncle, he's 5'6" with a mustache and somewhat goblin-like in appearance. He married a woman who is nearly 6' and model gorgeous (in fact she did model in her youth.) She clearly had some connection with him than trumped everything else. They are quite happy together.

I understand that it's in the eye of the beholder, but there's a limit to that. If you're just really unattractive looking face-wise, than it's harder to even garner the attention of people in a romantic sense.

You can try and stay positive and confident but it can only help so much.

 

[Pre]

Nah, it's true.

But not as much as men is still a lot.

Yes, while women aren't as driven by physical looks as men, they still care. An attractive man automatically starts higher up the totem pole, obviously, but his personality can easily cause him to plummet while a somewhat bland-looking man with great people skills can rocket up much higher than his looks would suggest.

I understand that it's in the eye of the beholder, but there's a limit to that. If you're just really unattractive looking face-wise, than it's harder to even garner the attention of people in a romantic sense.

You can try and stay positive and confident but it can only help so much.

Yes, improving your "game" (using that word not in terms of PUA crap but as a catch-all for the personality side of attraction) will help you attract better-looking women but it won't help you pull super models and the like. The most attractive men have the perfect storm of looks, wealth/fame, personality, and sexual prowess.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Girls don't like mustaches nowadays?

I adore them on the right face, but I seem to be in the minority on that one.

Mmmmmm...

Yes, while women aren't as driven by physical looks as men, they still care. An attractive man automatically starts higher up the totem pole, obviously, but his personality can easily cause him to plummet while a somewhat bland-looking man with great people skills can rocket up much higher than his looks would suggest.

This is definitely true. Appearance is what's responsible for the initial attraction (or lack thereof) when that's all they have to go on. But hanging out with people and getting to know them better has led to some crushes on people I originally found unattractive.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

I adore them on the right face, but I seem to be in the minority on that one.

Mmmmmm...

Tom Selleck doesn't count.

 

[Izick]

Yes, while women aren't as driven by physical looks as men, they still care. An attractive man automatically starts higher up the totem pole, obviously, but his personality can easily cause him to plummet while a somewhat bland-looking man with great people skills can rocket up much higher than his looks would suggest.



Yes, improving your "game" (using that word not in terms of PUA crap but as a catch-all for the personality side of attraction) will help you attract better-looking women but it won't help you pull super models and the like. The most attractive men have the perfect storm of looks, wealth/fame, personality, and sexual prowess.

I don't want to "pull" anyone, and my expectations aren't even close to super-model levels. I'd be happy if I could meet a girl that's cute, nice, smart, and interesting that actually liked me back.

 

[CountAntonius]

People who aren't considered on average good looking need to work harder to get noticed. That being said some people you simply will never stand a chance with no matter how great your personality is unless you are good looking. Some women do have interesting opinion on what good looking is though.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Tom Selleck doesn't count.

I even find this creeper stache sexy.

Though that might just be because Raul Julia is boss as hell

 

[Izick]

People who aren't considered on average good looking need to work harder to get noticed. That being said some people you simply will never stand a chance with no matter how great your personality is unless you are good looking. Some women do have interesting opinion on what good looking is though.

This is true, and I don't have any qualms with that. That's how it is, I mean I've been hit on by unattractive (face or overweight) women before and just tried to gently let them down. We all have standards, it just sucks when you're on the far-low end of the bad side of the spectrum.

 

[Pre]

I don't want to "pull" anyone, and my expectations aren't even close to super-model levels. I'd be happy if I could meet a girl that's cute, nice, smart, and interesting that actually liked me back.

I think that's what most people (myself included) want, too.

Even if one doesn't posses great looks, they should do what they can to improve their appearance, i.e. hygiene, dress, grooming, etc. Basically, be the best person you can be by looking your best and having excellent social skills.

 

[CountAntonius]

I even find this creeper stache sexy.

Though that might just be because Raul Julia is boss as hell

You are not a typical woman..at all.

 

[Izick]

I think that's what most people (myself included) want, too.

Even if one doesn't posses great looks, they should do what they can to improve their appearance, i.e. hygiene, dress, grooming, etc. Basically, be the best person you can be by looking your best and having excellent social skills.

I know, I've heard and have tried all that stuff before but it hasn't really seemed to help me at all.

 

[CountAntonius]

I know, I've heard and have tried all that stuff before but it hasn't really seemed to help me at all.

Honestly I think you're biggest barriers with women are mental. Just going by your posts in this thread. It not your looks dude(I don't know how you look). Look around and you'll see average and below looking guys with cute girls all the time. They just believe in themselves and take the risks. Yeah you will get blown off a lot but all men do. Some more than others. But every now and then someone reciprocates.

 

[Pre]

I know, I've heard and have tried all that stuff before but it hasn't really seemed to help me at all.

Are you familiar with David Wygant? His blog has some pretty good stuff on it if you're looking to build social skills and better understand the dynamics of attraction.

Honestly I think you're biggest barriers with women are mental. Just going by your posts in this thread. It not your looks dude. Look around and you'll see average and below looking guys with cute girls all the time. They just believe in themselves and take the risks. Yeah you will get blown off a lot but all men do. Some more than others. But every now and then someone doesn't.

Yes, that's it precisely. For most men it's a mental problem. They're too outcome-dependent. If a girl likes you, great. If she doesn't, great. Don't be afraid to just go for it, Izick.

 

[Izick]

Honestly I think you're biggest barriers with women are mental. Just going by your posts in this thread. It not your looks dude. Look around and you'll see average and below looking guys with cute girls all the time. They just believe in themselves and take the risks. Yeah you will get blown off a lot but all men do. Some more than others. But every now and then someone doesn't.

I don't know what else could be wrong with me then.

Are you familiar with David Wygant? His blog has some pretty good stuff on it if you're looking to build social skills and better understand the dynamics of attraction.



Yes, that's it precisely. For most men it's a mental problem. They're too outcome-dependent. If a girl likes you, great. If she doesn't, great. Don't be afraid to just go for it, Izick.

No, no it's not a social skills problem as I said earlier in the thread. I've always had good friendships with men and women, it's just getting over the romantic barrier seems to be impossible for me and never even considered to them.

 

[thebaroness]

No, you misunderstand, I am the same way.

Have you never seen someone who you found attractive at a passing glance, but once you see them in actuality they're quite the opposite? That's what I always figured that was for when she saw me. Probably just a passing glance that gave me a good angle or something.

Sounds like you sabotage yourself way more than you face your fears. Don't blame women for that.

 

[Tesseract]

ladygaf, should i open doors for you? i got a date friday with a punkrocker type who wears black nail polish. she's a lipstick feminist with good new yorker wit.

 

[The_Inquisitor]

Lady GAF. My girlfriend of over 2 years broke up with me Thursday. Still pretty devastated. Tried to win her back today and was tearfully told no. To be honest her breaking up stems back to a big mistake I made last December that I am not proud of. I don't think I was every able to win her back this year, and it's something I am going to regret for a long time.

What methods do you have of getting over losing someone from a long term relationship that you did almost everything with. I just feel follow every once in a while, and all I want is nothing more than to put her back into my arms and promise to do anything to make things go back to the way they were.


..I know I will find someone else eventually. But god it hurts so bad.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

You are not a typical woman..at all.

ladygaf, should i open doors for you? i got a date friday with a punkrocker type who wears black nail polish. she's a lipstick feminist with good new yorker wit.

Not knowing what a "lipstick feminist" is, holding a door open for someone is something nice to do, if you reach the door first. Making a point to always reach the door first, and doing pointless things like opening car doors for her just seems awkward, though.

 

[Izick]

Sounds like you sabotage yourself way more than you face your fears. Don't blame women for that.

I never blamed women for anything.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

So what do you mean when you say "confidence" exactly? Like I know I'm confident in the fact that I'm funny, intelligent, charming, and very sociable when talking to women, for example, but the only thing is that deep down I have a sinking feeling there's never any romantic interest.

To give an example:

So a few years back, I was in an electronics big-box store I think or something, and I saw this very cute girl. So a friend of mine actually worked at that same store, and he kind of took things into his own hands and hooked her up with me. Anyway, she started to text me and talk to me on the phone. She always said I was funny and charming and stuff, and she even said she thought I was cute when she saw me in the store that one time. So she asked me to come down to said store sometime to hang out and talk to her, but I could never do it. We continued to talk for weeks, than months, and eventually a year or so, but I could never do it simply because I thought that if I did see her again in person, she would realize that I was ugly, be disappointed and forgo talking to me all together. Eventually though she gradually started talking to me less and less, and I think she got a boyfriend, so it's been years since that ended.

So I guess in that aspect I'm not confident in myself at all, to be frank. I never have been in the past.

I want your phone number and your address so that next time you screw up a sure thing so bad, I can come to your house and punch some sense into your face.

Lady-GAF, teach me how to be more charismatic. I want to be magnetic.

 

[Lissar]

ladygaf, should i open doors for you? i got a date friday with a punkrocker type who wears black nail polish. she's a lipstick feminist with good new yorker wit.

I like a bit of old fashion grace, but I certainly can't speak for everyone.

What methods do you have of getting over losing someone from a long term relationship that you did almost everything with. I just feel follow every once in a while, and all I want is nothing more than to put her back into my arms and promise to do anything to make things go back to the way they were.

Do the things you love to do. If you did a lot of those things together with her and right now it hurts to do them, find new TOTALLY AWESOME things to try out and experience. Go out with friends and do these things. The excitement of new experiences won't erase the pain, but it will dull it until you are able to move on.

 

[Izick]

I want your phone number and your address so that next time you screw up a sure thing so bad, I can come to your house and punch some sense into your face.

Lady-GAF, teach me how to be more charismatic. I want to be magnetic.

I didn't screw anything up. I tried to put off the inevitable and I did. She deserved better anyway.

 

[Tesseract]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lipstick_feminism

thanks for the kind advice. i'll try not to embarrass myself.

 

[thebaroness]

LadyGAF, any of you have, or know someone with PMDD?

It's basically an extreme form of PMS, where the woman has a hormonal inbalance causing extreme anxiety, panic attacks, depression, etc etc.

I am trying to work it out with my gf, because I truly think she's the one for me, but it's like hell on Earth whenever she gets it. The relationship is at a breaking point, because I moved to another city 2 hours away, and she found out she won't be able to move in with me in January (as we had planned). We'd have to wait until June, so in her PMDD episode, she wanted to break up, since it's hard being away from each other.

It's a theme when she has PMDD and gets drunk. She pushes me away, and wants to make me break up with her. Then, she can say how things never work out for her, and how she always fall for the trap of loving someone too much. The next day, or after a while, she apologizes when I don't go anywhere or react to her aggression.

Any experiences with this stuff?

Is she on any kind of medication for it? Unfortunately those times of the month can make your emotions just go haywire. And if she's got an actual condition the best you can do is just reassurance and encourage her to see a doctor or specialist.

I think both sexes have problems with devaluing themselves and feeling "not good enough" for someone else which leads to relationship problems.

 

[thebaroness]

I didn't screw anything up. I tried to put off the inevitable and I did. She deserved better anyway.

Yes you did, if she said you were cute and was talking with you, she was interested. You let your own self worth issues get in the way and she problem felt like you weren't interested so she moved on.

 

[Izick]

Yes you did, if she said you were cute and was talking with you, she was interested. You let your own self worth issues get in the way and she problem felt like you weren't interested so she moved on.

I understand that, I'm glad that she found someone and is happy though. I honestly don't think she would have found me attractive if she had gotten a good look at me, I 100% believe that.

 

[Vermillion]

So what do you mean when you say "confidence" exactly? Like I know I'm confident in the fact that I'm funny, intelligent, charming, and very sociable when talking to women, for example, but the only thing is that deep down I have a sinking feeling there's never any romantic interest.

To give an example:

So a few years back, I was in an electronics big-box store I think or something, and I saw this very cute girl. So a friend of mine actually worked at that same store, and he kind of took things into his own hands and hooked her up with me. Anyway, she started to text me and talk to me on the phone. She always said I was funny and charming and stuff, and she even said she thought I was cute when she saw me in the store that one time. So she asked me to come down to said store sometime to hang out and talk to her, but I could never do it. We continued to talk for weeks, than months, and eventually a year or so, but I could never do it simply because I thought that if I did see her again in person, she would realize that I was ugly, be disappointed and forgo talking to me all together. Eventually though she gradually started talking to me less and less, and I think she got a boyfriend, so it's been years since that ended.

So I guess in that aspect I'm not confident in myself at all, to be frank. I never have been in the past.

Didn't see this. Someone needs to punch you.

 

[DY_nasty]

christ izick

how many different people are you going to put that issue off on until you actually look in the mirror and treat your depression/self-confidence problems for what they are? your situation won't change simply because you ask enough people until you find one that gives you a different answer. handle it man. take the steps to get help, nobody can care about you more than you can care about yourself. you've been doing this for months.

 

[thebaroness]

I understand that, I'm glad that she found someone and is happy though. I honestly don't think she would have found me attractive if she had gotten a good look at me, I 100% believe that.

Why didn't you try to meet with her again anyways? What's the worst that could happen? She finds you unappealing and nothing goes further. At least you would have tried.

Do you think women will find you so repulsive they'll throw battery acid in your face? I just don't think any humiliation is worth leaving the question of "what if" open.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

LadyGAF, a question: Do you think wearing ties casually is trying too hard? I have lots of ties that I rarely wear. But winter's here, almost time to break out my new wool coat, I'm thinking about throwing a tie on with a nice dress shirt and jeans and the coat.

I always feel like a try-hard.

 

[Lissar]

I understand that, I'm glad that she found someone and is happy though. I honestly don't think she would have found me attractive if she had gotten a good look at me, I 100% believe that.

So she found your personality attractive and was interested in you, and you think she would have thrown it all out the window even if she had found you less attractive on a second encounter?

If she had, then she wouldn't have been worth crying over anyway. But now you'll never know. Next time it happens, you can't let opportunities pass you by because you're scared.

LadyGAF, a question: Do you think wearing ties casually is trying too hard? I have lots of ties that I rarely wear. But winter's here, almost time to break out my new wool coat, I'm thinking about throwing a tie on with a nice dress shirt and jeans and the coat.

I always feel like a try-hard.

I think if you have confidence and the clothes make you feel comfortable and comfortable with yourself, go for it.

I wear dresses that could be confused with ball gowns half the time. I don't care. I enjoy it.

 

[Izick]

Why didn't you try to meet with her again anyways? What's the worst that could happen? She finds you unappealing and nothing goes further. At least you would have tried.

Do you think women will find you so repulsive they'll throw battery acid in your face? I just don't think any humiliation is worth leaving the question of "what if" open.

I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend now.

So she found your personality attractive and was interested in you, and you think she would have thrown it all out the window even if she had found you less attractive on a second encounter?

If she had, then she wouldn't have been worth crying over anyway. But now you'll never know. Next time it happens, you can't let opportunities pass you by because you're scared.

Yes. I would have probably been upset, but I agree it's kind of shitty to never know for sure but I feel like what I thought would happen would have.