TUROK
Member
Well, if you're ready to check out, just devote yourself to doing some of these things. Might as well, doesn't sound like you have much to lose.
Have you had thoughts of suicide before this?
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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Have you had thoughts of suicide before this?
Yeah. Could never bring myself to injure myself though. I used to punch myself, that was the most I could do. My father says I love life more than anyone, but I think I take every breath of fresh air as harder earned than most.
Today I was just walking home after leaving driving school.... Sigh. that shit fleeced me man... I was just thinking I'm going to have no money soon, I don't feel right working anymore, I think school traumatized me.
I mean, why am I out here working slave jobs, being told by my bosses that our relationship starts anew after the check is cut after 5 years of being perhaps the best employee.
Shit, I can't go back to that, everyone at work was miserable, all these old folk just want to retire and hate their lives, hate me because I'm young, my boss is always giving me shit.
I just can't see a way out anymore I'm so stressed. I'm thinking of just taking my dog and trying to travel the country before my money's gone. I don't know anything of hitching trains but my old friend did and it sounded fun.
The realization I have is that no one is going to help me, ultimately I'm all alone, and being a dependent person, this break will probable kill me. I just hope I can stay calm and leave on a good note.
http://tinychat.com/depressiongaf
The depressionchat is open, ladies an gentlemen..
Pass: depressionsucks
The depressionchat is open, ladies an gentlemen..
Pass: depressionsucks
Rocket Scientist
Member
I joined it and it wanted to post it on my Facebook lol Tinychat.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Yeah, that's really obnoxious. You can certainly disable it, though.. or you can log in as a guest rather than use your facebook account.
Rocket Scientist
Member
It actually showed it after I signed in as a guest lol.
Heidern, I tried out PSTEC from their website. They offer two audio tracks for free, and there are others you could buy to get the complete process. The idea behind it is that while you're thinking about what is affecting you negatively in your mind, there are instructions told to you by the guy speaking--there are beeps that you'll tap your fingers to as soon as you hear them and you must keep doing that throughout the recording while he's speaking to you. This is supposed to distract you from whatever makes you anxious and ultimately, rob it of its value. I have to say, after going through both tracks, I felt more relaxed and had a clearer mind.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
You should definitely text them anyways. Unless you're being overbearing or texting them on consecutive days, you're not annoying at all (unless they don't like you in the first place but at that point you're stretching the definition of what "friends" are).
It sucks when you always have to take the initiative with some people, but generally people who like you will get back to you. I had this one friend who I always had to call or text first. Eventually I stopped but he didn't get back to me either. At that point I realized that either he didn't like me all that much, he was too busy, or we were just really friendly acquaintances. And all of those reasons are fine. I get texts and calls from people who I haven't spoken to in years. Not every friend is a hang-out-every-weekend kinda friend, there's certainly varying levels of friendship.
Sorry to hear about what happened dude! Sounds awful.
As you'll know there is a difference between phobias and OCD, but to me it sounds more like OCD, especially since it has bred into other areas as well and causing intrusive thoughts.
Also I've been feeling incredibly low today, and it all started on my first day back at work after the Christmas period. This really isn't what I want to be doing, and that coupled with post-Christmas blues has put a downer on me.
I miss the days of having a couple of weeks off around Christmas, but I've instead just been thrown back into a job that is both physically tiring and mentally exhausting. I have nothing to look forward to, and because of which I just feel incredibly trapped.
I've said it countless times, but I need a fresh start on life in this coming year.
TUROK
Member
Well, that option is preferable to suicide, methinks. Yeah, I don't know how people do it. How they work all day for a paltry sum for their entire lives.
What willpower do they have that we don't? Or do they have something that keeps them going?
Did some impulse buying. Made me feel good for twenty seconds. Back to feeling numb, and then later, shitty. Hopefully the new meds my psychiatrist prescribed (Cymbalta) will help my mood bounce up. Had a 'horrible" (albeit totally unrealistic and therefore very foolish) dream before I woke up this morning; I was literally crying in it, and tears were almost in my eyes when I woke up. Lovely start to the day!
/sarcasm
Had a miserable few days, but I just found out my book chapter, on adenosine receptors and neurological and psychiatrist illness in now officially up online AND open access. We talked about caffeine and depression a few pages back - if you're still interested (or need something to read to put you to sleep, I can PM you the link.
I should have a chat up in a bit. Feel free to start without me!
I should have a chat up in a bit. Feel free to start without me!
blame space
Banned
I have depression.
Do you want to go into that more, or....?
blame space
Banned
it makes me sad
This is the worst case I've ever seen. This is far beyond the limits of modern psychiatry. I'd recommend a lobotomy. The first one obviously didn't take, as you're still able to post.
blame space
Banned
bagels what are you getting at
TUROK
Member
What was the dream about? Report back to us if the meds help in any way at all.
im unbanned but I have nothing to say really
this girl baked me some cookies n stuff
but shes going to a party for new years and said that I should hang out with my friends or family.
kind of confusing
whatever, im gonna get drunk and watch cartoons
I cant deal with being around people
this girl baked me some cookies n stuff
but shes going to a party for new years and said that I should hang out with my friends or family.
kind of confusing
whatever, im gonna get drunk and watch cartoons
I cant deal with being around people
so you never answered me before
are you actually depressed or do you just post ITT because you like to fuck with people?
Bel Marduk
Banned
Coldvein is good people.. and isn't just posting in this tread to troll.
Widdly Scuds
Member
_
It's really a discussion between you and your doc about taking meds. Cymbalta is similar to Effexor, but it's on-patent so it's pricey. It could work for you - who knows?
The seroquel and abilify are most likely to kind of flatten out your mood, in a good and bad way.
If you've only tried Wellbutrin and Effexor, you have lots of options for ADs to go through.
Talk therapy, like CBT, is another option, or something to do in addition to meds.
How extreme are the ups and downs? Could you be bipolar?
Etrian Oddity
Member
First night closing the kitchen by myself at the new job. Feel like such a scrub, it took me forever.
It's really dumb. I don't want to really go into it, but it was super upsetting. No change in mood with the meds right now (the Cymbalta and half my upped dose of Cipralex, so 10mg). Maybe it would work better if I took Seroquel with it, but that seemed to be losing its effect. Horrible day today. Got into a fight with my dad. Asks for my help, I give it, and when I tell him he's doing it wrong, he flips off the handle at me. I was so ready to just punch him in his face; just told him to "fuck off" and I left the place. I'm so sick of everyone I know.
Excuse my confusion - are you on Seroquel right now? Because that can cause some very vivid (and, for me, very unpleasant) dreams. I had a period of time where I woke up every morning really angry or frustrated and it took me a bit to piece together what was real and what wasn't.
Happening into more frustrating shit when you're awake certainly doesn't help matters. Sucks that you had an argument with your dad. Do you think it'll blow over, or perhaps it's best for you to explain what your mindset was?
There's a way to apologize for the result of a situation without necessarily apologizing for your specific feelings or actions.
Yeah, I'm still on Seroquel. My doctor switched me over from 20mg of Cipralex to 60mg of Cymbalta, but I'm supposed to stay on 10mg of Cipralex a day for two weeks while I get used to Cymbalta. Taking a 30mg physician's promo of Cymbalta for the first week (so right now, and when it's done, then I start the 60mg). Funnily enough I didn't take the Seroquel the night of that dream, but my dreams have been very vivid and odd as of late.
Eh, it'll likely blow over later today (almost 3am here
), but it made me realize how angry and fed up with people I'm becoming. I really don't care for my family anymore. Any of them. Being around them for a period of more than say 30 minutes is absolutely exhausting, and then I want to get away. In any case, with the thing with my dad, none of his other children (I have two way older half brothers and an older sister) have ever stood up for themselves when he went on a tirade, so I guess me actually going back at it with him took him off-guard. Would I be a bad person if I said I felt it was about time someone told him to fuck off?If my words aren't super clear right now, I apologize. That's likely the Cymbalta. Get slightly nauseous and lightheaded/dizzy so it tends to become harder to formulate ideas and construct sentences cohesively.
daemissary
Member
So I don't know if this is the right thread for this or not...I'm not sure if I'm depressed, I'm just kinda always bored.
Almost all of my friends have either gotten married or moved outta town in the past couple of years, the friends I have left are much closer with other people than they are with me so I constantly get canceled on when something else comes up.
This sorta thing honestly never used to bother me because I've always been able to entertain myself but I've recently found video games/movies/tv to much more boring than before. I feel like I need human interaction way more than I used to in my younger years.
I don't know if this is just a product of age, just turned 28, or if something else is in play here. I'm not super sad about the situation, I just feel kinda hopeless. I just don't know how to go about meeting new people at this point in my life especially since I've never been great at small talk.
I dunno, it just feels bad man.
Almost all of my friends have either gotten married or moved outta town in the past couple of years, the friends I have left are much closer with other people than they are with me so I constantly get canceled on when something else comes up.
This sorta thing honestly never used to bother me because I've always been able to entertain myself but I've recently found video games/movies/tv to much more boring than before. I feel like I need human interaction way more than I used to in my younger years.
I don't know if this is just a product of age, just turned 28, or if something else is in play here. I'm not super sad about the situation, I just feel kinda hopeless. I just don't know how to go about meeting new people at this point in my life especially since I've never been great at small talk.
I dunno, it just feels bad man.
guess ill post in here, i dunno what to do.
ive been forced to deal with a psychopathic narcissist for my entire life and im just realizing how fucked up i am.
because of this persons abusive ways, our pet dog became violent towards other people. the dog would also bark non stop and this would send this person into a blind rage. we took our dog to the humane society and apparently my dog was so violent they were afraid of him and they fucking euthanized him. we didnt find out til later that he was dead.
im always sad and low on energy, but this is just a new type of pain i cant even cope with.
ive been in therapy with my mom for like 6 months and it hasnt done jack shit.
the therapist says i need my own exclusive therapist and possibly medication.
im just lost, i dunno what to do, i just wanna give up.
ive been forced to deal with a psychopathic narcissist for my entire life and im just realizing how fucked up i am.
because of this persons abusive ways, our pet dog became violent towards other people. the dog would also bark non stop and this would send this person into a blind rage. we took our dog to the humane society and apparently my dog was so violent they were afraid of him and they fucking euthanized him. we didnt find out til later that he was dead.
im always sad and low on energy, but this is just a new type of pain i cant even cope with.
ive been in therapy with my mom for like 6 months and it hasnt done jack shit.
the therapist says i need my own exclusive therapist and possibly medication.
im just lost, i dunno what to do, i just wanna give up.
SpartanForce
Member
I'm having a bad time coming out of Clonazepam. I only take 0.2mg of it now and I feel very... strange. Kinda like living in a dream or something. I sure hope this goes away as I reach zero of clonazepam. Mostly my depression was coming from Clonazepam, so even with those effects, I want to go of it quickly.
TUROK
Member
Ah. What's your relationship with your dad like? Do you really not have anyone in your life you're not "sick" of?
I've only experienced that once and only for one day, but it was the worst day of my life. I hope things get better for you.
We're usually okay, but with my whole battle with depression, my entire family is changing their attitude toward me (which includes a lot BS and blaming me for it). And to be perfectly honest, no. There is not a single person I know that I'm not sick of seeing/being around. I'd honestly just prefer to lock myself away somewhere and be alone.
I know that feeling.
I've come to realize my depression is entirely based on my self esteem. I have horrible self esteem and I feel pretty much worthless off and on. The only time I feel really good about myself is when someone of the opposite sex is showing me attention. If that person starts to ignore me or even just gets busy and I percieve it as her ignoring me I feel like shit.
I automatically want to hurt myself because that's what I would do as a teenager. The hardest part is I have no friends so I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not with the person I'm dating except look at my phone constantly to see if they called or sent me a text.
I tried to get together with my cousin yesterday to take my mind off of someone. We were best friends growing up but he just ignored my text so then I felt rejected by two people haha.
It can really make you despise people but I'm trying not to. I usually just reflect it back on myself which obviously doesn't help.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
I really need to get my shit together
Rocket Scientist
Member
I'm starting to come into this thread more and more often. Wish everyone the best.
Same here. It's frustrating that I know what I need to do to feel better, but I feel so depressed that I can't get myself to just do it. Why does life work this way.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
I don't know if depression or laziness is my problem. Probably a bit of both.
Same here. Though the last couple of days have been quite good for me. Actually did some of the stuff that I wanted to do. Hopefully I can carry that spirit over to the next year. Though it is funny how at the moment I constantly look for new ways to trick me into being motivated.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
I know that feeling. Once I get motivated it's easy to get things done which makes me feel good but I always slip up and fall into this trap of procrastination, which leads to stress, which leads to depression...
Sigh.
Rocket Scientist
Member
Sigh indeed =(
It's only temporary relief for me personally. I feel fine for a little bit, but then when I realize I still don't get things done, it feels even worse than before. It's pathetic. We only live once and I'm wasting so much time doing absolutely nothing to make use of the limited time we have. Feels bad man.
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