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[SolidSnakex]

I've been very depressed since around last April, which was when my mom was hospitalized. She's mostly been in a hospital or a physical rehabilitation center since. Since then I haven't had much motivation to do anything. I can't really bring myself to work, play games or watch movies/tv shows. And recently I haven't been eating much (maybe a meal a day). I mostly feel like finding ways to sleep as long as I possibly can so that I don't have to think/worry about stuff.

Honestly, I just kind of feel tired of everything.

 

[Windam]

Cymbalta is causing me to have some very crazy muscles spasms/twitches. Most notably at night when I try to sleep my entire body jerks like when you have a dream when you're falling. Happens multiple times a night. Didn't take it for four days and the muscle spazzes got better, but last night got a huge burst of anxiety and feelings of hopelessness/thought I'd be better off dead. Today's been better in that regard, but I've been lightheaded all day long. Fuck this shit.

 

[VanillaCakeIsBurning]

I told my sister about my depression/suicidal thoughts and she cried. I also had a talk with my parents later that night, they were all very supportive of me. I couldn't tell them my innermost thoughts but I plan to over time.

Later on I cried in the shower, and resolved myself to win this. I realize now that my family does love and worry about me, so I can't lose myself to this. I'm seeing a doctor next week so hopefully that will help me on the road to getting better.

This fucking condition is not going to take me away from them. Never.

Thanks to everyone who shared their story in this thread. It was helpful to read about other people dealing with the same issues and trying to get better. If you have loved ones who worry about you, please talk to them. The only way you'll get better is by seeking help.

You know what you have to do now.

 

[hiryu64]

Cymbalta is causing me to have some very crazy muscles spasms/twitches. Most notably at night when I try to sleep my entire body jerks like when you have a dream when you're falling. Happens multiple times a night. Didn't take it for four days and the muscle spazzes got better, but last night got a huge burst of anxiety and feelings of hopelessness/thought I'd be better off dead. Today's been better in that regard, but I've been lightheaded all day long. Fuck this shit.

How long have you been taking it? I've been on Prozac for about two weeks now and I feel so cold and dead. I also have ever so slight muscle spasms that I've never noticed before. They say it's supposed to take 6-8 weeks for it to reach maximum effectiveness but I'm not sure I wanna stay on it for that long if this is what I'm in for.

 

[Windam]

How long have you been taking it? I've been on Prozac for about two weeks now and I feel so cold and dead. I also have ever so slight muscle spasms that I've never noticed before. They say it's supposed to take 6-8 weeks for it to reach maximum effectiveness but I'm not sure I wanna stay on it for that long if this is what I'm in for.

I've been on it for about 3 weeks now. I may call the clinic that I go to on Monday to find out if I can see my psych on my next visit before or after my therapist to find out what's up.

 

[blame space]

i think i got depression real bad

 

[cryptic]

Gaf, anyone in and out of deep depression like me? One day I feel like the world can fall apart, all my fears can come true and I just don't care, whereas other days I'm lost with no way out.

This could be me just walling myself up from reality, which is my money is running out, I've lost motivation through a difficult time at chef school, and a return to finish my degree there is seeming less likely as my assigned counselor thinks I'm unsuitable for what I attempted. In a way I know he's right, but i have no choice besides the military and I know autistic inner city youths like myself are the first to get blown up.

Still, deep down inside I always have that feeling of confidence, a drive that I can do better than others, selfish and vain as that may sound , I just wish I could find the right avenue.

 

[falconzss]

Gaf, anyone in and out of deep depression like me? One day I feel like the world can fall apart, all my fears can come true and I just don't care, whereas other days I'm lost with no way out.

This could be me just walling myself up from reality, which is my money is running out, I've lost motivation through a difficult time at chef school, and a return to finish my degree there is seeming less likely as my assigned counselor thinks I'm unsuitable for what I attempted. In a way I know he's right, but i have no choice besides the military and I know autistic inner city youths like myself are the first to get blown up.

Still, deep down inside I always have that feeling of confidence, a drive that I can do better than others, selfish and vain as that may sound , I just wish I could find the right avenue.

For me, it happens a few times a year where I wake up and feel I can do everything and turn things around. I can't even understand what kept me down but sadly this usually only lasts a few days and then things are back to way they were/are now. It also didn't happen in the last six months.

 

[Cameron122]

Gaf I haven't been this drunk in forever.

 

[GraveRobberX]

Oy am I in a funk after that Denver Broncos Debacle (Collapse)

I had a good pick me up Trophy Whoring over the week, was in a good groove, now it feels like I hit a Big Fucking Brick Wall
("Hard to Breathe" Syndrome in Effect)

Shit went from Sunny and Nice to Dark and Bleak quickly

So sad ; ;

Now I have to somehow immerse myself quickly into a game to remove the pain I'm feeling

Ugh....

 

[Bagels]

Oy am I in a funk after that Denver Broncos Debacle (Collapse)

I had a good pick me up Trophy Whoring over the week, was in a good groove, now it feels like I hit a Big Fucking Brick Wall
("Hard to Breathe" Syndrome in Effect)

Shit went from Sunny and Nice to Dark and Bleak quickly

So sad ; ;

Now I have to somehow immerse myself quickly into a game to remove the pain I'm feeling

Ugh....

Did this set off a true episode of depression, which you presumably suffer from, or are you just bummed that your team lost? With UChip banned, it has fallen to me to provide a stern welcome. If it's not more clear that this is part of your depression and not just a bummer, some people in the thread can get upset. I trust your judgement and I say "post away", but if this is really just about your team losing, you might find a more sympathetic ear elsewhere. Without more background, I can see looking at your post and saying "sporting losses do not count as depression! ARGH!"

Not trying to be a dick, but I don't want you to inadvertently trivialize your own problems by making what appears to be a post solely about your favorite team losing. I just need more context, which maybe I'm missing in the thread. Did the game mean a ton to you? Did it set off a bout of depression? I'm honestly curious and aI bear no ill will.

 

[revolverjgw]

Sports depression is a funny thing. Whenever my Habs get eliminated from the playoffs, I dwell on it for a week and feel nihilistic and angry and paranoid, like there's a cosmic conspiracy against me. Then I wake up one day and feel fine and laugh at how down I was over nothing, though this sober realization means nothing in a year's time when it happens again. It's a strange cycle that's been repeating itself for 20 years.

 

[Prax]

Sports depression is a funny thing. Whenever my Habs get eliminated from the playoffs, I dwell on it for a week and feel nihilistic and angry and paranoid, like there's a cosmic conspiracy against me. Then I wake up one day and feel fine and laugh at how down I was over nothing, though this sober realization means nothing in a year's time when it happens again. It's a strange cycle that's been repeating itself for 20 years.

Well, sports can become like a cult or religion to some people.. and people having their "faith shaken" can be traumatic but yeah.. >_>
I think most people can put that into perspective.

But who knows. Perhaps a person who has depression and is a huge sports nut could be set off really badly by a team's loss. Hopefully graverobberx isn't just being overly dramatic to be funny.

 

[Doosi]

Been off of antidepressants for 2 years, but I just got back on Citalopram yesterday.

Tried going the medicine-free route, but my anxiety became crippling.

Can't stop my brain from thinking.

 

[coldvein]

Been off of antidepressants for 2 years, but I just got back on Citalopram yesterday.

what happened that made you go back? was it just a gradual realization that you needed the pills again, or what?

 

[Cameron122]

I actually had an okay day today. It's nice. I didn't do anything particularly interesting but nothing disappointing happened today either.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Ha.. finding a job thing is terrible. I hate looking for work. So soul-crushing to not get replies, and then suddenly frightening when you do. Will any job do? Are job fairs going around in your area? I know January's a kind of slow month, but maybe you'll have luck if you just send resumes everywhere.

You are hanging in there well despite all the stress. If you're exhausted, make sure to treat yourself well and reward yourself often. Even if it seems like you might be overindulging yourself, it's okay.

<33 Thanks.

Finding a job is real hard.

I keep searching and searching. Actively searching. And my mom just stresses me out. I have applied almost everywhere. :/

 

[ClassyPenguin]

<33 Thanks.

Finding a job is real hard.

I keep searching and searching. Actively searching. And my mom just stresses me out. I have applied almost everywhere. :/

Ugh. I remember that before the Great Recession how easy it was. After high school I applied to like five places and got a call back from four of them. Now it's just traumatizing

 

[zsswimmer]

My depression has gotten so much worse over these past couple of months and I feel like trying different meds has only plunged it further

I mean, I have no intent on doing any harm to myself due to the shame and pain it would bring to my family, but literally all I think about all day from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep is wishing I was dead. Not even an exaggerating. I really am just tired of living. I think the best thing that could happen at this point in my life is for me to die by some random occurrence like driving somewhere and getting plowed into and instantly dying.

I mean, I know that people say "things get better", but I can't help believe it won't, that I'll end up like some of the posts I've read on the internet about people who have been depressed for 30+ years. I can't handle that shit honestly. The worse part is, I've done absolutely nothing to change my circumstances and I'm too lazy to start now, so it really is my fault I'm this way.

 

[cryptic]

I had a bad start, didn't feel like getting up.

Around 4 Pm I decided to get a coffee, I decided against it for some reason and decided to walk on past this old bridge that look's down on a drying brook. I'm usually quiet but lately I've been very lonely, distant and I feel more need to talk with people. So I see this guy there, mid aged, talking to me about the weather, I pull off my headphones and shoot the shit with him.After a while he give's me some contacts, I might have an in to a well paying job now. This alleviates most of my depression.

Then I decide to start back, it was near 5 and getting dark now, I decided to stop in to get a coffee. No one is there at the counter, some girl says she'll be there in a minute. I'm thinking oh maybe she'll be cute but then I realize I'll probably see an old hag come out. Nope, a beautiful red head appears from behind the sales rack like in some movie, blue eyes, a pimple but eh. I kind of fawned over her for a second, it wasn't long but I think she noticed, she bit her lip and smiled, maybe blushed, I'm not sure.
I ordered my coffee, small, black with sugar then went my way. It was very nice to be talking with a girl again, even brief, maybe I'll ask for her number tomorrow. Just a hi and number you're behind a counter come on if no then bye type scenario.

Well anyway, just after I finished I get a phone call, who's this, oh hi, it's a job I applied for at least a month ago. Are you interested in a high paying but very difficult job? Yes, so i have an interview for that besides the guy I just met offering me a job.

The feeling was euphoric, I walked home with such a smile and I was getting so impatient before I was considering the military.

 

[Wilsongt]

Night time is so terrible for me.

I feel so lonely and I begin to pull more and more within myself. I don't feel I am technically shutting the world out, I feel the world is forgetting about me.

My friend always tells me "When you forget about the world, the world forgets about you." But, sometimes, I feel like I never forget about the world, but that people out there I know naturally forget I exist and have feelings...

People tell me it is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but sometimes I am tired of hearing that...

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel I reach out to people, but people don't reach out in return. I live a lonely existence, as I have most of my life... Am I really destined to traverse life alone? I've done it mostly alone up to this point, I believe I can make it until death, but that is just a sad existence to live.

 

[SolKane]

I have two job interviews coming up but I feel depressed about them for some reason. I guess it's mostly nervousness working its course, but also the feeling that I am incapable of handling a full time office job.

 

[hiryu64]

I have to call someone for an interview tomorrow, but I'm getting anxious about it. It's for something that's completely outside my comfort zone and so radically different from what I did before/went to school for, and I'm also worried that I won't know what to do. I haven't worked in four months. Bah...I know I should call, but I'm getting really nervous.

My depression has gotten so much worse over these past couple of months and I feel like trying different meds has only plunged it further

I mean, I have no intent on doing any harm to myself due to the shame and pain it would bring to my family, but literally all I think about all day from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep is wishing I was dead. Not even an exaggerating. I really am just tired of living. I think the best thing that could happen at this point in my life is for me to die by some random occurrence like driving somewhere and getting plowed into and instantly dying.

I mean, I know that people say "things get better", but I can't help believe it won't, that I'll end up like some of the posts I've read on the internet about people who have been depressed for 30+ years. I can't handle that shit honestly. The worse part is, I've done absolutely nothing to change my circumstances and I'm too lazy to start now, so it really is my fault I'm this way.

Night time is so terrible for me.

I feel so lonely and I begin to pull more and more within myself. I don't feel I am technically shutting the world out, I feel the world is forgetting about me.

My friend always tells me "When you forget about the world, the world forgets about you." But, sometimes, I feel like I never forget about the world, but that people out there I know naturally forget I exist and have feelings...

People tell me it is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but sometimes I am tired of hearing that...

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel I reach out to people, but people don't reach out in return. I live a lonely existence, as I have most of my life... Am I really destined to traverse life alone? I've done it mostly alone up to this point, I believe I can make it until death, but that is just a sad existence to live.

I wish I had better advice for you guys, but all I can say is to find a good therapist and try to resolve whatever issues you're facing. WAAAAAAAAAY easier said than done, I know, but you have to convince yourself that you're tired of living the way that you are, not living altogether. Again, I get it, easier said than done (I'd be lying if I said I didn't still feel the way you guys do), but I have hope that you guys can pull through somehow. Sorry if that somehow sounds hollow. You guys can always PM me if you need to vent about whatever.

 

[Bagels]

Oomi is going to interview me in the Praxchat for the inaugural "Bagels...on Bagels...." interview. Feel free to watch and toss out questions. I'll edit the final thing and toss it up later.





Originally Posted by Prax: View Post
Hey guys, come and try the irc chat. It's live and I'm still in it right now.

It will be a persistent room locked by a password, so you can go into it whenever you like.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ADDRESS:
http://chat.mibbit.com

1. CONNECT: leave the server dropdown on mibbit

2. NICK: choose whatever nickname you want
(although if you want to reserve a nickname for yourself only, there are other steps you can take. I used this guide because it was easiest, even though we're not really in the mozilla servers: https://wiki.mozilla.org/IRC
If you want to change your nickname at any time, type "/nick NAMEYOUWANT" )

3. CHANNEL: "#depression_gaf depressionsucks"
(type in all the stuff in the quotation marks. #depression_gaf is the channel, and the depressionsucks part is the password to enter into the room)

4. Press the "CONNECT" button~!
(tabs on the top will display the different channels or private chats you are in)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[TUROK]

<33 Thanks.

Finding a job is real hard.

I keep searching and searching. Actively searching. And my mom just stresses me out. I have applied almost everywhere. :/

I'm right there with you. The sheer notion that I can't even seem to find a damn minimum wage job just fucks with my head.

It's like, "damn, do I really suck that much?"

 

[ZackusMaximus]

I'm right there with you. The sheer notion that I can't even seem to find a damn minimum wage job just fucks with my head.

It's like, "damn, do I really suck that much?"

Me too man. Been unemployed since August and it really sucks sometimes. Feels like I'm just wasting away my life. But it's a numbers game. There are more people than there are jobs. That's how I think about it to keep myself from feeling like shit. Also I'm lucky to be making the same on unemployment that I would working at a min wage job full time, which helps make the whole jobless thing less stressful.

 

[BadTaste]

2nd round at the Doctors.

There was a student Nurse present, which was fine. She just sat and listened while the Doctor and I talked.

He talked about typical stuff like if I've harmed myself (when I never have), and if I'm still drinking (which I've...sort of cut back on).

He then told me the mental health team in my area should be contacting me soon for meetings. I'm wondering though if that would be a meeting with a whole group of people or just confidential stuff?

And he put me on 2 more weeks of Fluoxetine.

 

[Xun]

I always go to the pub happy, but as the night progresses I get worse.

Things are too routine in my life, and I really wish I could kickstart it all again. I've gone from a talented kid to a complete invisible nobody.

I just wish I could escape from things for a bit.

 

[hiryu64]

2nd round at the Doctors.

There was a student Nurse present, which was fine. She just sat and listened while the Doctor and I talked.

He talked about typical stuff like if I've harmed myself (when I never have), and if I'm still drinking (which I've...sort of cut back on).

He then told me the mental health team in my area should be contacting me soon for meetings. I'm wondering though if that would be a meeting with a whole group of people or just confidential stuff?

And he put me on 2 more weeks of Fluoxetine.

Ugh, fluoxetine. I've been on it for two weeks now and I feel awful. It hasn't done anything to ease my anxiety (I'm supposed to call someone tomorrow to arrange an interview and I'm freaking out) and I arguably feel worse on it. I slept all day today and still feel too tired to do anything.

 

[Prax]

<33 Thanks.

Finding a job is real hard.

I keep searching and searching. Actively searching. And my mom just stresses me out. I have applied almost everywhere. :/

Ugh. I remember that before the Great Recession how easy it was. After high school I applied to like five places and got a call back from four of them. Now it's just traumatizing

I'm right there with you. The sheer notion that I can't even seem to find a damn minimum wage job just fucks with my head.

It's like, "damn, do I really suck that much?"

Me too man. Been unemployed since August and it really sucks sometimes. Feels like I'm just wasting away my life. But it's a numbers game. There are more people than there are jobs. That's how I think about it to keep myself from feeling like shit. Also I'm lucky to be making the same on unemployment that I would working at a min wage job full time, which helps make the whole jobless thing less stressful.

Ooh.. yeah. I know that feel. I am overqualified/overeducated in a way, but in another way, I am like.. an inexperienced nobody. I was lucky to be hired in a job fair when my grocery chain was doing massive hirings after they started changing their contracts. And it's just a min wage job too..

The economy is still recovering and hours are being cut for most retail at around this time, so it'll be tough to find a job. Depends a lot on luck and doesn't really have anything to do with you being qualified or not (for all I know, most places receive 200+ resumes for any single job and throw out half of them without even looking). So don't take it too hard on yourself. You are putting in effort to apply and all you can do it hope and wait. In the meantime, you can always try to upgrade your skills by learning stuff online or picking up an inexpensive hobby (like..writing or exercising or even photo blogging with a camera phone).

I have two job interviews coming up but I feel depressed about them for some reason. I guess it's mostly nervousness working its course, but also the feeling that I am incapable of handling a full time office job.

Yeah. I have avoided applying to fulltime office-like jobs because I don't know if I can handle the schedule and possible office politics. XD You might be more resilient than I am though. Good luck and try it out! Even if it doesn't work out, you can just quit after getting some pay.

I mean, I know that people say "things get better", but I can't help believe it won't, that I'll end up like some of the posts I've read on the internet about people who have been depressed for 30+ years. I can't handle that shit honestly. The worse part is, I've done absolutely nothing to change my circumstances and I'm too lazy to start now, so it really is my fault I'm this way.

I think the best you can do is try to give hope to the idea and make changes to give it a chance. Even people who have been depressed for 30+ years.. I think most of them have had better and worse days and they can grow to adapt new coping strategies and generally make it easier on themselves. I think I once read that even though there can be lots of ups and downs for long-time sufferers of depression, and it feels like you're not getting better, there is usually an overall trend that things get better for most people. That is what I learned in one of my classes, anyway. (But some students at the time were nevertheless skeptical. I believed it though!)

Something like this:

(graph not to scale! lol)

I don't know if that is relieving to you or not, but if it it gives you hope and reassurance, you may as well put some stock into it. It's a lot better than believing you'll end up a worst-case scenario. If you gotta put faith into something irrational, I say, choose the one that will lead to better hopes and ambitions and overall goodness!



By the way, I went into the chat in case anyone else wants to too.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ADDRESS:
http://chat.mibbit.com

1. CONNECT: leave the server dropdown on mibbit

2. NICK: choose whatever nickname you want
(although if you want to reserve a nickname for yourself only, there are other steps you can take. I used this guide because it was easiest, even though we're not really in the mozilla servers: https://wiki.mozilla.org/IRC
If you want to change your nickname at any time, type "/nick NAMEYOUWANT" )

3. CHANNEL: "#depression_gaf depressionsucks"
(type in all the stuff in the quotation marks. #depression_gaf is the channel, and the depressionsucks part is the password to enter into the room)

4. Press the "CONNECT" button~!
(tabs on the top will display the different channels or private chats you are in)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Out of Working Order]

I had a bad start, didn't feel like getting up.

Around 4 Pm I decided to get a coffee, I decided against it for some reason and decided to walk on past this old bridge that look's down on a drying brook. I'm usually quiet but lately I've been very lonely, distant and I feel more need to talk with people. So I see this guy there, mid aged, talking to me about the weather, I pull off my headphones and shoot the shit with him.After a while he give's me some contacts, I might have an in to a well paying job now. This alleviates most of my depression.

Then I decide to start back, it was near 5 and getting dark now, I decided to stop in to get a coffee. No one is there at the counter, some girl says she'll be there in a minute. I'm thinking oh maybe she'll be cute but then I realize I'll probably see an old hag come out. Nope, a beautiful red head appears from behind the sales rack like in some movie, blue eyes, a pimple but eh. I kind of fawned over her for a second, it wasn't long but I think she noticed, she bit her lip and smiled, maybe blushed, I'm not sure.
I ordered my coffee, small, black with sugar then went my way. It was very nice to be talking with a girl again, even brief, maybe I'll ask for her number tomorrow. Just a hi and number you're behind a counter come on if no then bye type scenario.

Well anyway, just after I finished I get a phone call, who's this, oh hi, it's a job I applied for at least a month ago. Are you interested in a high paying but very difficult job? Yes, so i have an interview for that besides the guy I just met offering me a job.

The feeling was euphoric, I walked home with such a smile and I was getting so impatient before I was considering the military.

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

After being depressed for the last year, I've decided to set myself a goal: to get a better job so I can afford to buy my own house or apartment. I needed to set myself a goal because I felt directionless, and without purpose. At least now I will have something to work towards.

 

[neojubei]

Rejected again. Being a fat loser is wearing down on me. Tired of failing. Honestly I'd like nothing more than to not wake up anymore. Oh well always tomorrow to fail again.

 

[~Kinggi~]

You know these days the idea of happiness, companionship, sex, all that good stuff, is this crazy alien idea, that literally amazes me when i witness it in people. Im just amazed how easily it comes to them. They accidentally fall into it half the time. Some dont even really value it. Ive been observing this knowingly for the past 12 years or so. Ill be 29 in a few days and have the social experience of a 10 yr old. This used to cause a whole lot of frustration and it sometimes still does but more these days im just tired. I know it in my bones i wont be able to climb out of this pit. I cant even look people in the eye. It has just gotten worse. My suicide date is definitely approaching but i dont know when yet. Im so used to being miserable its just who i am now. Its exhausting trying to act happy at work to keep the job. I've always felt when i was younger that if i just work through it something good will happen. Or there was some next goal that would bring change. But now there really is nothing left but being a fucking office slave in a shit economy.

 

[VanillaCakeIsBurning]

For anyone who has seen a doctor about their depression, is there anything I should expect. Going for my first visit tomorrow.

 

[Surface of Me]

<33 Thanks.

Finding a job is real hard.

I keep searching and searching. Actively searching. And my mom just stresses me out. I have applied almost everywhere. :/

I'm right there with you. The sheer notion that I can't even seem to find a damn minimum wage job just fucks with my head.

It's like, "damn, do I really suck that much?"

Me too man. Been unemployed since August and it really sucks sometimes. Feels like I'm just wasting away my life. But it's a numbers game. There are more people than there are jobs. That's how I think about it to keep myself from feeling like shit. Also I'm lucky to be making the same on unemployment that I would working at a min wage job full time, which helps make the whole jobless thing less stressful.

It's a game of attrition and luck. Just apply everywhere and hope for the best, do follow ups, I was there not too long ago.

Been feeling absolutely miserable lately. Almost everything seems pointless, I struggle to get through the day. I might switch jobs soon though, hopefully the change of scenery and extra cash will brighten my moods. I've been feeling like a wreck for too long.

 

[G0523]

So, 2013 has kicked off with many a sour note on my end.

I'm still looking for a job since I just graduated last month with two Bachelor's Degrees in Communications and English. It looks like all I can do is sales. I hate sales.

But I started this new job that was about a half-hour away from me after going through three rounds of interviews, and on my first day I finally found out what the hell the job was. We go door-to-door informing people that they can cut their rate on their gas bill, and we get their information to see if they're qualified. I can handle demeaning jobs but this was just awful. It didn't help that I didn't know we were going to be outside for the entire day (1pm-8pm) so I didn't bring any warm clothes to wear on top of my suit in this 30F weather. Once the day was over though, I said that I don't think this was a right fit and quit the job. They paid $300/week with 30% compensation but I really felt like I could make the same amount working at a retail job. And I would be warm.

Also, my boyfriend and I were looking for apartments near where my work would have been. We applied for an apartment we liked a lot on Friday and the guys said they should be able to call us within an hour to see if we were approved to get the apartment. Three days pass and no phone call whatsoever. So we finally decide to call them today and it turns out they still haven't even finished approving or declining it. Something that should've taken them an hour has taken more than three days now. We figured that if this is how the apartment people handle their applicants, then we don't want to know how they are as landlords. So we're back to square one with apartment hunting again.

All of this has just really put me in such a depressing mood. Doesn't help that I'm broke as shit and will have school loans to pay off very soon. If I at the very least had a decent paying job, even if it was retail, I wouldn't be so depressed. But I know this is the worst time of year to job hunt retail-wise since nearly every place let go of their seasonal staff from Christmas so I'm kinda stuck.

My friends haven't been any help at all either. The one couple that is essentially the nucleus of the group is getting divorced after being married for only four years (they've been together for eight total) so now the group is in danger because we'll either get split or fade away altogether.

The one bright spot in my life right now, though, is my boyfriend. He's been nothing but supportive of me during my dark time, and he always puts me in a good mood whenever he's around. He knows a lot about depression too since he went through it himself a few years back. But, man, whenever he's gone I do a total 180 and am unable to get off the couch. I just sit there with my laptop and TV with my video games hooked up and I don't leave the house either. It feels like things won't get better and I don't actually know if they will, but everything that's happening right now is just too depressing and overwhelming for me to handle.

 

[TUROK]

Rejected again. Being a fat loser is wearing down on me. Tired of failing. Honestly I'd like nothing more than to not wake up anymore. Oh well always tomorrow to fail again.

At the risk of sounding insensitive, if you feel fat, you should do some cardio.

Just be forewarned, body composition can have little bearing on one's success with those we are attracted to... But it can help us feel better about ourselves.

 

[Corky]

Felt like shit, took a couple of codeine painkillers prescribed for my herniated disk, feel pretty darn good now. I'm smiling, my head feels tingly and not at all the heavy piece of massive lead that it has always felt like. Suddenly my problems don't feel so bad afterall.

 

[strobogo]

My back is killing me. Lower back, all the time, no matter how much I stretch or change positions. Sometimes I feel like I can't even stand up. It's not a throbbing pain, but more like a frozen in place kind of pain. I've never had a back injury in my life. I haven't done sports in 15 years. I don't know if it is the depression or from being a Jew. But often, being a Jew leads to depression.

 

[revolverjgw]

Rejected again. Being a fat loser is wearing down on me. Tired of failing. Honestly I'd like nothing more than to not wake up anymore. Oh well always tomorrow to fail again.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=504024

Join that thread, focus on that for now, get in shape like a lot of those guys are doing, successfully. Profit. This is something you can change, get that first domino pushed.

 

[AFollowerNotALeader]

I don't know why I let the things that get me down get me down. I just can't help it. Some of them make little material difference to me.

I used to have the energy to argue with people. I lost that long ago. I don't really get how so many people who are (on the face of it) relatively smart can be so incredibly illogical and wrong. I think I could make my life better if I could just mark certain threads so that they never appear in my browser again so that I'm not constantly reminded of the things that piss me off.

I don't get why all progress has to be in directions that make my life worse.

I had two spectacular OCD panic attacks today - the first in a long while.

I'm tired. It's cold. I'm knackered from spending the day teaching remedial Unix to a bunch of postgrads/academics who were never taught such useful things by their undergraduate courses. I've got an hour long commute to look forward to followed by all the housework. And hey, I get to repeat it all tomorrow. On Friday I get to interact with my micromanaging passive-aggressive boss who'll be whinging about all the work I didn't get done while running the training courses.

I hate all human life.

It's days like this that I think that in addition to my normal medication it would be really helpful to have something I could take when I see one of these "bad mental health days" developing to either knock it on the head or knock me out.

Edit - noting all the job talks - I am sometimes involved in recruiting staff in IT in our university. If people are interested I could try and write something up about how to make a competent job application (at least to get as far as the interview)?

 

[neojubei]

At the risk of sounding insensitive, if you feel fat, you should do some cardio.

Just be forewarned, body composition can have little bearing on one's success with those we are attracted to... But it can help us feel better about ourselves.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=504024

Join that thread, focus on that for now, get in shape like a lot of those guys are doing, successfully. Profit. This is something you can change, get that first domino pushed.

Yeah I know I have to loose weight. Just hard

 

[Az987]

Night time is so terrible for me.

I feel so lonely and I begin to pull more and more within myself. I don't feel I am technically shutting the world out, I feel the world is forgetting about me.

My friend always tells me "When you forget about the world, the world forgets about you." But, sometimes, I feel like I never forget about the world, but that people out there I know naturally forget I exist and have feelings...

People tell me it is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but sometimes I am tired of hearing that...

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel I reach out to people, but people don't reach out in return. I live a lonely existence, as I have most of my life... Am I really destined to traverse life alone? I've done it mostly alone up to this point, I believe I can make it until death, but that is just a sad existence to live.

That's exactly how I feel on bad nights. I just feel... cold. When I'm in a relationship I feel like I don't exist to that person when I'm not with them, like she's completely forgotten about me.

Don't give up, the day always comes, right? At least that's how I look at it. A few more hours and I'll feel somewhat better for a little bit at least.

 

[Surface of Me]

That's exactly how I feel on bad nights. I just feel... cold. When I'm in a relationship I feel like I don't exist to that person when I'm not with them, like she's completely forgotten about me.

Don't give up, the day always comes, right? At least that's how I look at it. A few more hours and I'll feel somewhat better for a little bit at least.

I know this feeling very well.

 

[Az987]

Yeah I know I have to loose weight. Just hard

Let your emotions fuel your workout. If you feel angry or frustrated about something, go and workout. Leave it all in the gym, push it until you literally can barely walk. Well, don't hurt yourself though lol but yeah.

However, being in shape is probably not going to fix your self esteem issues all by itself. I'm the perfect example of that. I feel great about my body but now I just feel like its the only thing I have going for myself.

Therapy is great but there is only so much you can get out of a 1 hour a week visit (if you can even afford to do it that often).

Self help books can go along way.

 

[FoxSpirit]

I feel most of my depression comes from sexual frustration. Like, no matter what I do, the feeling goes up, up, meet nice girl, really get of well, nothing ever happens.
Feeling: what sense does it even make to whip myself into shape and be complimented about myself? I am done with words, you can keep them. I need a hug :-(

I know I am attaching too much to it but geez... it's not even funny anymore when people laugh and wonder why I am constantly single, since I reportdely look really good. Fuck... or rather not...

 

[GSG Flash]

Saw the psychotherapist today, good timing because I'm going through a break up :/

Felt good, at the time, to tell her my issues both pre relationship and post relationship.

But really feeling like shit right now. I'm sitting at work, but not in the mood to do work at all(I'll make up for it on the weekend), and I wanna go home but I'll have nothing to do at home either, so kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I miss talking to my gf, but I know it's not gonna work because there are too many issues between us, we're too different, and, most of all, I don't totally trust her.

 

[BruiserBear]

For anyone who has seen a doctor about their depression, is there anything I should expect. Going for my first visit tomorrow.

Expect to leave with a prescription for something.

 

[cryptic]

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

After being depressed for the last year, I've decided to set myself a goal: to get a better job so I can afford to buy my own house or apartment. I needed to set myself a goal because I felt directionless, and without purpose. At least now I will have something to work towards.

Thanks. i definitely agree that some direction is necessary to come out of any slump.

 

[Smiley90]

My back is killing me. Lower back, all the time, no matter how much I stretch or change positions. Sometimes I feel like I can't even stand up. It's not a throbbing pain, but more like a frozen in place kind of pain. I've never had a back injury in my life. I haven't done sports in 15 years. I don't know if it is the depression or from being a Jew. But often, being a Jew leads to depression.

Waitwat? Mind elaborating?