Depression

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Wilsongt

Member
I am not coming off my medicine or anything, but I think I am going to stop fighting against my depression. It seems to be a futile effort and extemely tiring to either put on a face for prople or not be who I am and to feel what I feel.

I still face so much disappointment and regret each day that it is becoming harder and harder for it not to eat me from the inside out...
 

EdmondD

Member
I am not coming off my medicine or anything, but I think I am going to stop fighting against my depression.

The day you stop fighting is the day you are defeated. Never stop fighting. Never stop hoping for something better. You don't have to put on a face or put on a mask. Be who you are but never stop fighting.
 

Maddocks

Member
The day you stop fighting is the day you are defeated. Never stop fighting. Never stop hoping for something better. You don't have to put on a face or put on a mask. Be who you are but never stop fighting.

This is good advice. These past 2 weeks have tested me so much. I wanted to give up, and when I say give up I mean permanent solution type give up. But I kept fighting and now I'm in a better place emotionally. I'm not 100% but I know with more talking and fighting I can beat this.
 

Jibbed

Member
Hey guys, today's been very tough for me. I was thinking of making a thread but thought posting here might be a bit more appropriate/relevant.

This morning I got a call from a friend's housemate saying that he'd committed suicide on Thursday evening. I've known the guy for nearly 10 years (we were best friends at one point), and by the sounds of it he's been suffering from depression for the last few months. The last time we saw each other he was just his normal self - happy, funny etc. This was a few weeks ago and lately I've been swamped with university assignments so I hadn't heard much from him since.

He's always been a bit of an introvert so we had no idea something was wrong, even his housemates didn't suspect a thing on Thursday evening. I'm having trouble coming to terms with the whole situation to be honest.. I don't even know how to react.

Edit: I don't want to cause any offense but until hearing the news today, I hadn't thought much of depression and just how serious it can potentially become.
 

Wilsongt

Member
The day you stop fighting is the day you are defeated. Never stop fighting. Never stop hoping for something better. You don't have to put on a face or put on a mask. Be who you are but never stop fighting.

i've felt defeated for quite sometimes... I can try to be myself, but then people tell me to perk up, or believe I can be happy if I try.

It's not worth it anymore... It's too hard.
 
i've felt defeated for quite sometimes... I can try to be myself, but then people tell me to perk up, or believe I can be happy if I try.

It's not worth it anymore... It's too hard.

The people who say things like that aren't saddled with depression for a good part of their lives.

If they were to live in your shoes they definitely would not tell you to just "perk up", as if that magically solves all problems.
 

berg ark

Member
I've been taking niacinamide for anxiety and it works really well for me.

Could you tell me a bit more about that? How is it working, what sort of anxiety are you experiencing? When? All the time? You don't have to if you think it's too personal, just interested because I feel by anxiety at times can hinder my ability to do things.
 

Maddocks

Member
Having to explain to people that feelings are real is like trying to teach a dog a card trick sometimes.

I lost friends because of it, they just couldn't understand. The worst is when people assume you are faking it to get attention.

I had a friend tell me to perk up and I told him that I cant, its not that simple and how I feel lost and alone and I'm trying to open up to get help, but all I was told was,"if you went out more you would feel better" didn't understand that even in a crowded room, I felt alone.
 

Noaloha

Member
i've felt defeated for quite sometimes... I can try to be myself, but then people tell me to perk up, or believe I can be happy if I try.

It's not worth it anymore... It's too hard.

The acceptance/resignation choice is a fucking strange ship to sail. I've been on it for around five years now and, I mean, I'm afloat, much moreso than I was - my experience is that it has absolutely helped with my peaks and troughs - but, in terms of the journey since, this boat goes where it damn well pleases. I ain't no captain no more.

It's odd, because you kinda assume that, in accepting your own failings, you'll become a rounder individual, more capable of choosing appropriate chartings and weathering whatever storms the fates throw your way. Yet, in practice, when the self-acceptance includes such gems as "I'm pretty much just a fuck-up in a lot of little, important ways", when you resign yourself to the knowledge that you're a jigsaw piece in the wrong box and you've no idea how to even begin looking for the right box, it becomes kinda hard to use that new outlook to leverage yourself along positive pathways. The choice to be honest and realistic with yourself, your own capabilities, effectively playing the probability and risk-vs-reward game, certainly removes options. For the most part, I kinda just skirt across the surface of this water now. I'm very much a passenger on the ship. The last couple of times I commandeered the wheel and steered towards an island, I got seriously fucked up, with nothing to show for it save for a bunch of stinging recollections.

And, I implore you to note, this isn't intended as general advice. My own circumstances (zero friends, zero family) project their own surroundings, of which many won't be privy to the interior of. I kinda loathe emphatic general advice on the topic of depression. Across all the many and varied individuals, there just seems to be too much that's sourced from the heart of circumstance.
 

hiryu64

Member
I lost friends because of it, they just couldn't understand. The worst is when people assume you are faking it to get attention.

I had a friend tell me to perk up and I told him that I cant, its not that simple and how I feel lost and alone and I'm trying to open up to get help, but all I was told was,"if you went out more you would feel better" didn't understand that even in a crowded room, I felt alone.

People like that aren't worth having in your life. If they can't understand you and get upset with you then they don't deserve your friendship.
 

Maddocks

Member
People like that aren't worth having in your life. If they can't understand you and get upset with you then they don't deserve your friendship.

Yeah, it ruined me really, because I assumed that all people thought like that. So I then shelved trying to seek help other then to self medicate. Which meant a shitload of alcohol.
 

Bagels

You got Moxie, kid!
Hey guys, today's been very tough for me. I was thinking of making a thread but thought posting here might be a bit more appropriate/relevant.

This morning I got a call from a friend's housemate saying that he'd committed suicide on Thursday evening. I've known the guy for nearly 10 years (we were best friends at one point), and by the sounds of it he's been suffering from depression for the last few months. The last time we saw each other he was just his normal self - happy, funny etc. This was a few weeks ago and lately I've been swamped with university assignments so I hadn't heard much from him since.

He's always been a bit of an introvert so we had no idea something was wrong, even his housemates didn't suspect a thing on Thursday evening. I'm having trouble coming to terms with the whole situation to be honest.. I don't even know how to react.

Edit: I don't want to cause any offense but until hearing the news today, I hadn't thought much of depression and just how serious it can potentially become.

I'm really sorry. What awful news.

The book "Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide" can really help you make some kind of sense out of it. I can't recommend it enough.
 

MoGamesXNA

Unconfirmed Member
You know these days the idea of happiness, companionship, sex, all that good stuff, is this crazy alien idea, that literally amazes me when i witness it in people. Im just amazed how easily it comes to them. They accidentally fall into it half the time. Some dont even really value it. Ive been observing this knowingly for the past 12 years or so. Ill be 29 in a few days and have the social experience of a 10 yr old. This used to cause a whole lot of frustration and it sometimes still does but more these days im just tired. I know it in my bones i wont be able to climb out of this pit. I cant even look people in the eye. It has just gotten worse. My suicide date is definitely approaching but i dont know when yet. Im so used to being miserable its just who i am now. Its exhausting trying to act happy at work to keep the job. I've always felt when i was younger that if i just work through it something good will happen. Or there was some next goal that would bring change. But now there really is nothing left but being a fucking office slave in a shit economy.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write this. I thought I'd just have a quick trawl through this thread and this post perfectly sums up my experience and current position at the moment.

I walked in to Subway for dinner a couple of months ago and there was this stunning 19/20 year old blonde girl laughing uncontrollably with her friend/partner at one of the tables. I hadn't seen anyone that happy in such a long time that I'd completely forgotten that some people are like that. It reminded me that there are people who actually wake up in the morning and look forward to the day ahead.

At the risk of coming across as overly dramatic, that's a completely alien concept to me. It genuinely came as a complete shock. I'd forgotten that some people are ridiculously happy at being alive. I was so envious of her position.

It's been comfortably over a decade and a half since I've had a single day where I was happy. I'm reserved in my inclusion of that statement as it comes across as hyperbolic.

If anything that experience just reaffirmed my decision to depart sooner rather than later. I'm incredibly grateful to every developer that has contributed to the game experiences that have allowed me to experience a fraction of contentment throughout my life to date. Without books and games as escape mechanisms, my forced journey through life would have been a lot less tolerable.
 
Thanks so much for taking the time to write this. I thought I'd just have a quick trawl through this thread and this post perfectly sums up my experience and current position at the moment.

I walked in to Subway for dinner a couple of months ago and there was this stunning 19/20 year old blonde girl laughing uncontrollably with her friend/partner at one of the tables. I hadn't seen anyone that happy in such a long time that I'd completely forgotten that some people are like that. It reminded me that there are people who actually wake up in the morning and look forward to the day ahead.

At the risk of coming across as overly dramatic, that's a completely alien concept to me. It genuinely came as a complete shock. I'd forgotten that some people are ridiculously happy at being alive. I was so envious of her position.

It's been comfortably over a decade and a half since I've had a single day where I was happy. I'm reserved in my inclusion of that statement as it comes across as hyperbolic.

If anything that experience just reaffirmed my decision to depart sooner rather than later. I'm incredibly grateful to every developer that has contributed to the game experiences that have allowed me to experience a fraction of contentment throughout my life to date. Without books and games as escape mechanisms, my forced journey through life would have been a lot less tolerable.

Back to my usual state again.

I sympathized with a lot in that post as well.

I don't think it comes across as hyperbolic, I understand what you mean completely and I know that anyone else who's experienced the same will understand you.

I think it's people who don't suffer from depression think that people who do are over-dramatic since according to them all they have to do to solve their issues is "perk up", or "be happy" or whatever bullshit they can think of.

I've seen people who seem like their "head is in the clouds" all the time. I truly wish I could feel as they do because a number of my issues would be solved as a result. According to some though all I have to do is "cheer up" and I can magically become like them. It would be pretty neat if it were really that easy.
 

Colin.

Member
Quite surprised to come across such a thread on a primarily gaming forum. I've had periods of depression in the past, been feeling content recently. Pretty unfulfilled though as I've not been doing much at the moment due to the horrid job market here. My only concern about that is if I eventually do get something and I eventually slump back into depression as everything else I've done so far in my life has resulted in this, school, college, work etc.

Do it first thing tomorrow morning. I have a pretty weird 'calling people' social phobia, and if I resign myself to do it FIRST thing when I wake up, the rest of the day only gets better from there.

Me and a friend of mine has this as well actually. I'm normally anxious doing most things, but I feel more on the spot when speaking on the phone, or any voice communication for that matter.
 

Windam

Scaley member
My anxiety is killing me right now, and I don't even have a reason to be anxious. I feel like just dropping everything and crawling into a corner to cry, but I know I won't anyway. I feel physically sick (nauseous) right now, but I know I'm not getting a cold or the flu. Fuck.
 
When the going gets tough the tough get going! Just have to enjoy the small things in life and be with friends and family. The one thing that humans require to function properly is a sense of purpose and priorities, so just maintain some focus and keep that mind busy. Meditation, breathing properly, relaxing the soul, it's all necessary to maintain mental health. It's not as though there is a quit button so no matter how bad it gets we'll all get through the shit just like those that suffered before us and those that will suffer after, and always keep things in perspective and keep it humble, look at life through a window sometimes and not through your own eyes. We can rest when we're dead!
 

RiverBed

Banned
I discovered a movie by chance a couple of weeks ago that immensely helped me with my depression. I related with the main character instantly (since we share a relatively similar mentality):

Synecdoche, New York.

P.S. It is difficult to follow the many layers and meanings in the movie the first go, so give it another run and read up on it after.
 

mooooose

Member
I finally got around to actually seeing all my friends this week instead of avoiding them and I am so unbelievably happy with life right now it's ridiculous.

Why is my happiness so dependent on others?

Granted, I'm happier if I just go outside.

Problem is, this break, I did none of that.

Just staying inside and being sad.

I was so tired of being sad.

I hope I'm not sad tomorrow.
 
I have a job interview on Monday for a temp office job and I'm pretty fucking anxious about it. I hate the idea of having to go out to sell myself for a job I know I could handle... there's so much competition out there for even the simplest of decent paying jobs that it's a lot more stressful than it should be. Interviews are the worst. Hopefully a ton of caffeine will be enough to get me through it.
 

Bagels

You got Moxie, kid!
Oh Sorry (late reply and all), I wasn't trying to be one of those Drama Queens who uses the word Depression lightly
I invested a lot into my Denver Broncos this year, NFL-GAF can attest to this
(Hell I haven't posted that much in the thread after that week)

I have gone through some huge rough patches, some I have spoken here on GAF

I just try to mask it as much as possible

I have been physically and emotionally abused by my father since a young age (6-14 years old), a devout Muslim, who thought going strict religion was his salvation to achieving greatness in this and the after-life, wash away his sins, but forced his family to follow and any push to move away, would be dealt with force

I was sexually abused by a Masjid Fellowship-er (I think that the word, he's part of the system)

Was always fat through out 32 year life (I did fix myself up for a few years in the teenage years, which helped my Psyche, so that didn't help off-balance my Depression

I go through waves of it, sometimes, I sleep for days, not seeking light, just want to close my eyes and never awake
Sometimes I feel like I have overcome it and take charge of the situation, but it always comes back, and with a vengeance

I'm a Illegal immigrants on top of that, so that burdens me from getting any help, medication wise (Insurance for me is an absurd amount, I do mean absurd)
I feel like I'm Bi-Polar, I go up and down real quickly, things is I just keep swallowing and just ballooning it inside me


Seriously I try to medicate myself by keeping myself busy, earning Trophies, a virtual useless icon that has no merit to most, really cheers me up (Pavlovian Syndrome anyone? lol)
Earning them really brightens me up for some reason, the PING! noise alone makes me get excited

Sometimes my Trophy Whoring really does overtake my life, to keep me from going to Woe is Me mode, but rather than help fight it, it contributes and that is when I get overwhelmed and go full down

I just give up for a few days, just want to sleep, darkness to surround me, cool climate, just away from everything

Then there are times I go to family gatherings, where I get on such a high from my relatives and social interacting, that when it's time to leave, I get hit with such a huge crash of anti-socialness I'll have in my own house which then offsets to Depression
(I hope that sounds right, in my mind it does)

I feel like I'm in such a unique/weird position, that everything I do right, is miniscule, every thing I do wrong is the worst tragedy I have ever done to myself or some else

It took me way too long to figure out how to apologize for being a dick to you! I hope you check your PMs, but I wanted to kind of publicly apologize, too.

That's an amazing story. I hope you're doing better. And I hope I haven't discouraged you from posting.
 

Xun

Member
The job I'm doing at the moment is really starting to destroy me.

I'm about to break down completely, and what makes it worse is that I lack the motivation to get out of there.

I can't see beyond work anymore, I feel trapped doing this, and I'm no longer positive for the future. I want to live my youth (which I haven't) and enjoy myself, but I have too much responsibility and I feel my youth has slipped away before I even got to know it. I just want to escape, so much so that I feel very close to just running away from it all.
 

Gui_PT

Member
Sorry for making this post just to complain but I need somewhere to write this down. Feel free to ignore it.

Finished college in Portugal, couldn't get a job anywhere for quite a while which made me feel like somewhat of a failure.
Decided to move to London and try to get a fresh new start.
Got a part time job that payed the bills while I looked for something else. Did my very best, tried harder than anyone else there. Wouldn't even take a full break because I'd rather be working instead of just sitting around. Always got in early, always left late.
Last week they let me know I won't be kept there because a permanent guy from another store is taking my spot. I meet the guy and he's just a lazy bum that doesn't even want to work and yet he took my spot.

Feel even more like a failure now. Failure in portugal, failure in london. It's clearly not the country, it's me. My best just isn't good enough anywhere, no matter how hard I try.

So now I'm jobless, away from everyone and everything I know.(but I guess that's my own fault)
I have no friends and women hate me because I look like a turd.

Long story short, I'm a lonely, big fat failure who has no friends and no self esteem. Life's not going well at the moment.

Sorry for the rant.
More importantly, I hope people in this thread are able to surpass their depression or depressing situations and that you're able to live a good life.
 
Sorry for making this post just to complain but I need somewhere to write this down. Feel free to ignore it.

Finished college in Portugal, couldn't get a job anywhere for quite a while which made me feel like somewhat of a failure.
Decided to move to London and try to get a fresh new start.
Got a part time job that payed the bills while I looked for something else. Did my very best, tried harder than anyone else there. Wouldn't even take a full break because I'd rather be working instead of just sitting around. Always got in early, always left late.
Last week they let me know I won't be kept there because a permanent guy from another store is taking my spot. I meet the guy and he's just a lazy bum that doesn't even want to work and yet he took my spot.

Feel even more like a failure now. Failure in portugal, failure in london. It's clearly not the country, it's me. My best just isn't good enough anywhere, no matter how hard I try.

So now I'm jobless, away from everyone and everything I know.(but I guess that's my own fault)
I have no friends and women hate me because I look like a turd.

Long story short, I'm a lonely, big fat failure who has no friends and no self esteem. Life's not going well at the moment.

Sorry for the rant.
More importantly, I hope people in this thread are able to surpass their depression or depressing situations and that you're able to live a good life.

Props to you for having the balls for a fresh start. Really sorry it didn't work out.

I'd say it's a bit too soon to say that it's not the country, but you. You had bad luck twice in a row.
And in the end, I'm afraid you have little options but to get up, dust yourself off, and try again. Best of luck!



As for me, life feels fucked up. It's finals week and I'm not studying enough. Fuck.
Depression and social anxiety are here full force and I'm literally paralyzed.
 

Wilsongt

Member
I am not surprised by this in the least. Depression does the same thing.

Loneliness Is Bad for Your Health, Study Suggests

NEW ORLEANS — Feeling lonely? New research suggests you might want to reach out. Not only is loneliness an unpleasant condition, it can harm the body's immune system.

The new study, presented Saturday (Jan. 19) here at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, reveals that people who are lonely experience more reactivation of latent viruses in their systems than the well-connected. Lonely people also are more likely than others to produce inflammatory compounds in response to stress, a factor implicated in heart disease and other chronic disorders.

"Both, in different ways, indicate that the immune system is a little out of whack," said study researcher Lisa Jaremka, a postdoctoral fellow at the Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research at Ohio State University College of Medicine.

The lonely body

Jaremka and her colleagues were interested in immune links to loneliness because feeling socially disconnected is associated with poor health and chronic disease. They recruited 200 female breast cancer survivors, average age 51, and 134 overweight, middle-age adults with no major health problems.

In the first study, the researchers analyzed the blood of the breast cancer survivors for antibodies against cytomegalovirus, a herpes virus. These common viruses can remain dormant and symptomless inside the body. Even when active, they may not cause symptoms, but they do trigger the immune system to produce antibodies, or protective proteins that help the immune system hunt down the rogue viruses. Higher antibody levels indicate higher levels of activated virus. The participants also filled out questionnaires about their loneliness and social connectedness. [7 Personality Traits That Are Bad For You]

The results revealed that the lonelier the participant, the higher the levels of cytomegalovirus antibodies in the blood.

"It's definitely indicating that the immune system is compromised in some way," Jaremka told LiveScience. "It's unable at that time, for whatever reason, in this case loneliness perhaps, to keep that virus under control."

In a second study, the researchers measured inflammatory proteins called cytokines in 144 of the breast cancer survivors as well as the healthy though overweight middle-age adults. The participants gave a blood sample and then were subjected to the stress of having to give an impromptu speech and do mental math in front of a panel of people in white lab coats. To up the anxiety, the panel gave the participants no encouragement.

"No matter what they say and no matter what jokes they crack, no matter how much they smile, the panel just stares at them, basically," Jaremka said.

The researchers also triggered the participants' immune systems with a harmless compound from bacterial cells before taking a second blood sample.

The lonelier the person, the higher the levels of cytokine interleukin-6 after the stressful speech. This cytokine is important for healing in the short term, because it promotes inflammation — think of the redness and swelling that accompanies a healing cut. However, when cytokines react too readily, inflammation can be harmful. Chronic inflammation has been linked to coronary heart disease, arthritis, Type 2 diabetes and even suicide attempts.

Loneliness and stress

Researchers have long known that chronic stress has a similar inflammation-producing, immune-disrupting effect on the body. Loneliness, in fact, may act as its own source of chronic stress, Jaremka said. Earlier research shows that close and connected relationships are necessary to help people thrive; without them, people are under a constant stressful cloud of missing this crucial social connection.

People who are lonely also tend to react more strongly to negative events in their lives, Jaremka said. If lonely people experience daily life as more stressful, it may cause chronic stress, which in turn disrupts the immune system.

Solving the problem is harder than telling lonely hearts to go out and seek more close friends, Jaremka said — it's easier said than done. But if researchers can figure out how loneliness results in poor health, they may be able to come up with treatments that disrupt the links, in essence making loneliness less of a burden, at least physically.

The study shouldn't be seen as all doom and gloom, Jaremka said. The flip side is that those who feel close to friends and family can know that their health is likely getting a boost from those relationships.

"People who feel socially connected are experiencing positive outcomes," she said.

Once again, happy people are better off.

It's the same story, different day bullshit.

=/ It's like lonely people like myself not only have to suffer the heartache and depression of being lonely, but our bodies rebel against us, also...
 

Piano

Banned
In a sea of emotional complexity I felt moved to inform everyone of something simple:
I love all of you.

Yes, I'm completely sober, and yes, I really mean it
 

~Kinggi~

Banned
Great news, my family has history of heart disease. Being im the loneliest cunt around i imagine that spells impending doom! Not much longer to go.
 

cryptic

Member
Could you tell me a bit more about that? How is it working, what sort of anxiety are you experiencing? When? All the time? You don't have to if you think it's too personal, just interested because I feel by anxiety at times can hinder my ability to do things.
Let me preface by I was never diagnosed officially with anything, but I was advised to try depression meds. Anxiety is something in the family line, however, this is how I feel I've had it.
A few years back I would get a very fast heart rate, heavy sweating while attending school. It sort of came from no where so I can't give you a cause.
It died a little, then I started experiencing severe dread and fear before work, I endured without medication, broke down, took a leave and just kept on.
To further elaborate, uring these tough job years I would break down crying and become manic the fear of work was so bad.
Now, these were specific instances, in my day to day, I would find myself very nervous, almost short of breath around people. Walking down the street I would have trouble looking up, feeling a fear of being watched(could be paranoia).
At school I'd get really nervous, scared about the classes, just irrationally so.
Anyway, I've always looked into what I eat as having some basis on how we perform so I dabble in reading nutrition sites and blogs, parsing and experimenting with what I find may be useful.
I started looking into ray peat after learning of him through danny roddy's blog.
I came across this article as a supplement to other research and decided to test out this vitamin: http://www.helpyourselfcommunity.or...ety-its-benzodiazepine-properties-case-report.

I contacted ray peat, he recommended to try it at small doses to see you react with it. I ended up buying a 500 mg per pill container, it's not sustained release. I take about two a day.
So now I'm out of school, out of work, so the only thing I can report is I feel much more comfortable just walking around in public, interacting with people in general.
That's my experience with it and you can do some reading into ray peats articles where there's stuff about modern day prescription anxiety drugs fashioned after it's genetic profile or some shit. It works for me and you can try it relatively care free unless you decide to do something stupid like megadose 3-5gm.
Sorry if I wrote to much, hope I helped in some way.
 

The Hermit

Member
Hey what you guys do when you feel down? I´ve been feeling like shit for a while and I can't even feel pleasure in gaming anymore.

Reading, music, movies what else? All my friends are dating, so I don't have anyone to go out :/
Lack of sex since April is starting to hit pretty hard now too...
 

Collete

Member
I am not surprised by this in the least. Depression does the same thing.

Loneliness Is Bad for Your Health, Study Suggests



Once again, happy people are better off.

It's the same story, different day bullshit.

=/ It's like lonely people like myself not only have to suffer the heartache and depression of being lonely, but our bodies rebel against us, also...
No offense but, try not to take things from yahoo/msn seriously. They tend up to come up with studies that are filled with holes, same goes for news.
It's not necessarily loneliness can be bad for your health. If you're bothered by it, it can be bad.
But if you're content with being alone (like me, I can be content with it), there's nothing wrong with it.
There can be good things with being alone. A comment that was on there gave me a chuckle (and true in my life).
"I rather be with the dog than with a bunch of relatives who wanna
argue about trival issues mornin, noon and night."
"You know what is worst for your health?
Being stuck in a house/relationship with someone you hate, despise, or want to be gone from your presence. Now that takes a toll on your health."

Edit: Happy people aren't really better off, they have their own crap to deal with, just with a persona to hide it away.
 

Collete

Member
if theyre genuinely happy, theyre better off
there is no debate here

Agreed, but I was talking about the people that are "happy" but just hide under a false persona or personality.
They'll make you think it's all roses, but deep down, probably experiencing some deep shit themselves.
 

Uchip

Banned
Agreed, but I was talking about the people that are "happy" but just hide under a false persona or personality.
They'll make you think it's all roses, but deep down, probably experiencing some deep shit themselves.

thats a pretty big probably
 

zoukka

Member
You are usually happy when you are doing something that makes you forget the bad things in life. In hindsight those moments seem like yo uwere "happy".

I am most unhappy while I'm idle.
 
Posted lyrics to a song on Facebook.

Aunt called my mom crying hysterically thinking I'd killed myself.

Opened up the conversation of getting me help from my mom, which is always met with anger and hostility from her end.

I'm having a shitty night.
 

zoukka

Member
Posted lyrics to a song on Facebook.

Aunt called my mom crying hysterically thinking I'd killed myself.

Opened up the conversation of getting me help from my mom, which is always met with anger and hostility from her end.

I'm having a shitty night.

You really need to de-friend your close relatives in my experience :)

I personally don't believe people to be very good at hiding their emotions
you can normally notice when its a facade

Some people are better at reading other people. I'm a good liar myself, so I can pretty much smell a lie in an instant from the face of a complete stranger.
 

Uchip

Banned
Some people are better at reading other people. I'm a good liar myself, so I can pretty much smell a lie in an instant from the face of a complete stranger.

takes one to know one? I guess thats an apt analysis when it comes to mental issues
but I never lie, and I am very good at detecting dishonesty, so that doesnt work with that example
 

zoukka

Member
takes one to know one? I guess thats an apt analysis when it comes to mental issues
but I never lie, and I am very good at detecting dishonesty, so that doesnt work with that example

Not lying = not being good at lying?

I don't lie anymore either, but I did do that as a kid.
 

Surface of Me

I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Lately I just feel like I have to do everything I do, I rarely get enjoyment out of anything. I have to go to school. I have to work. I have to eat. I have to wake up. Have to's everywhere. I also fucked up big time in multiple ways today, pretty much had a panic attack an hour or two ago. Fuck this life.
 

Videoneon

Member
I just put myself through something that was, for the wrong reasons, humiliating. It's been a rough day and it's reminded me of quite a lot of things. I normally can keep things to myself, and I hate being vulnerable, but I can't not give myself this slight breath this time, by acknowledging that I am or have been very unhappy.

I'd like to think that posting this here will have a sort of symbolic importance for myself - just this little bit of expression. It's not help that I want, just this breather.
 

apesh1t

Banned
that depression gaf chat really helped saturday night, I went back to it last night and no one was in it.

I feel incredibly small today. I thought I was going to start a job today, but the background check hasn't gone through yet, I was actually kind of relieved. I get so depressed sitting around all day, but the thought of changing this seems impossible. I know it has to come to an end.
 

Bagels

You got Moxie, kid!
Two days off from school! I'm not sure why I have the FIRST two days off, and then have to work overnight EVERY weekend, but okay...

Just shout in chat.




ADDRESS:
http://chat.mibbit.com

1. CONNECT: leave the server dropdown on mibbit

2. NICK: choose whatever nickname you want
(although if you want to reserve a nickname for yourself only, there are other steps you can take. I used this guide because it was easiest, even though we're not really in the mozilla servers: https://wiki.mozilla.org/IRC
If you want to change your nickname at any time, type "/nick NAMEYOUWANT" )

3. CHANNEL: "#depression_gaf depressionsucks"
(type in all the stuff in the quotation marks. #depression_gaf is the channel, and the depressionsucks part is the password to enter into the room)

4. Press the "CONNECT" button~!
(tabs on the top will display the different channels or private chats you are in)
 

Surface of Me

I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Writing is so therapeutic for me, I really need to do it before. Just wrote a poem about the moment my innocence died and I feel so much better instantly from what I've been feeling the past few days.
 
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