Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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I'll probably do that at some point soon, yeah.
Should we go ahead and compile a central list of people who are up for talking via PM? There are a ton! I can make the list, if people want to let me know if they'd like to be included. You don't have to share your skype, Steam ID, etc., but you can either give those or just list the other ways to get a hold of you (do you praxchat? etc.). And maybe a one or two line biography? Would that help? Like, "23 yo dude in college with MDD, BPD, and I like XYZ and ABC"?
There are just a lot of resources available in this thread, but not everyone will read a zillion pages back to find everyone willing to help, or to figure out who people are.
Path of Exile is a free to play action RPG similar to Diablo 2. Some people actually enjoy it more than Diablo 3 but I never played Diablo 3 so I can't compare. I really like it. The good thing is that it's free so anyone could play it as long as their pc runs it.
Add me to that list I'm willing to talk with anyone at anytime. As you know I'm often in the chats much to the dismay and annoyance of others.
Otherwise people can just PM me on gaf.I'm also happy to talk with people.
I think Castle Crashers was a good choice as it's available for Mac, cheap, and not particularly intensive--unfortunately it's not very fun either. Diablo III is still rather expensive, a lot of the Lego games aren't available for Mac, I can't run any of the Civ games, Torchlight II isn't available for Mac either, and most shooters aren't available for OSX, so outside of Castle Crashers and Awesomenauts, Source games (TF2, L4D, L4D2, HL2: Deathmatch) work best.Ooh Castle Crashers, right. Yeah Civ would be long. Awesomenauts also has Coop and I think it's good. I'll look at my steam library for ideas once I'm home. Far Cry 3 also has coopor Torchlight, cheaper than Diablo.
Change.
24 is still young, you're still completing your transition to adulthood. In life you set your own standards. Don't worry about what you should do. There is no should. Just take your time to find out more about yourself, the world around you and the things that you like and are interested in. When you find out what things you like, then you can look to see what kind of careers are available in that domain.
You've got a lot going on. The problem I see is that you lack the conviction to see things through and this puts you hostage to external events. You didn't stand up to your best friend, you didn't stand up to your girlfriend and now you are faltering in your chance to make a move against the job you don't like by not studying properly.
Don't worry about you're job, it's not your future. Just accept that you're doing it for the money and a nice entry on your CV, be grateful that you have a job. The smart thing is to make sure you study, that degree will be yours for life so it's worth prioritising seeing as there's a little left. Your home situation, you live there, set your standards and if they aren't met either kick your friend out, move out with your girlfriend or move out on your own.
Collete
Member
Sure, if I'm any useful, I don't mind being added to the list.
I'd be fine being added to that kind of list as well. Would be happy to help, or try to anyway.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Lunch, you absolutely can run the Civ games on your Mac. I play CivV every day on mine.. should be no problem unless your computer is very old. I'm dfc9781 on steam if you want to add me
I've been depressed all my life but some how I've have always overcome it but not now. I would like to tell my story about how I reached the bottom. This might be long.
I was in relationship for four years and I was love with the most amazing women ever but I never found her sexually attractive. We only had sex twice in the four years we where together. During year two of our relationship we started sleeping in different rooms. I would sleep in the living room and she in the bedroom. I was fine with it all the that time but I knew I was hurting her. She payed for everything for me rent,food and even let use a car. I never asked for anything but she was such a loving soul that she did it anyway.
I know most of you must think I was only with her for the money but I wasn't. I was happy being with someone and playing my video games and having a life with no friends. Until I met a 19 year old girl and some friends.
I broke it of with my girlfriend of 4 years because for the first time meeting those people I felt like I had sense of what it was like to be alive and socialize. My ex and I would never go out because I use to think going to parties and bars was so lame. I mean why go out when you can watch anime and play video games all day?
So after meeting these people I went out for first time to a bar and a party and it was amazing. I was having so much fun. I went to D.C to go look at the museums for first time in my life and I've lived in this area all my life.
My new friends and I started to make plans to go to new your comic con and other conventions. The 19 year old girl was super hot and she liked me and asked me out. We started a relationship and my ex found about it in a bad way and it broke her heart but I didn't care because I'm a selfish bastard. So after about two weeks of going out with this girl and making plans out of the blue she breaks up with me and takes the friends I had just made.
You see I"m not trying to kill myself because of a girl but the fact that I got to taste happiness for the first time and it was snatched right under me and know I can't do anything anymore. I don't eat or sleep. The only thing I think about is the bliss that she and my new friends gave me and now it is gone.
I'm sorry for the long post but I had to get that out their since I have no one to talk to. there is more but I figure I wrote to much. Thanks for taking the time to read.
I was in relationship for four years and I was love with the most amazing women ever but I never found her sexually attractive. We only had sex twice in the four years we where together. During year two of our relationship we started sleeping in different rooms. I would sleep in the living room and she in the bedroom. I was fine with it all the that time but I knew I was hurting her. She payed for everything for me rent,food and even let use a car. I never asked for anything but she was such a loving soul that she did it anyway.
I know most of you must think I was only with her for the money but I wasn't. I was happy being with someone and playing my video games and having a life with no friends. Until I met a 19 year old girl and some friends.
I broke it of with my girlfriend of 4 years because for the first time meeting those people I felt like I had sense of what it was like to be alive and socialize. My ex and I would never go out because I use to think going to parties and bars was so lame. I mean why go out when you can watch anime and play video games all day?
So after meeting these people I went out for first time to a bar and a party and it was amazing. I was having so much fun. I went to D.C to go look at the museums for first time in my life and I've lived in this area all my life.
My new friends and I started to make plans to go to new your comic con and other conventions. The 19 year old girl was super hot and she liked me and asked me out. We started a relationship and my ex found about it in a bad way and it broke her heart but I didn't care because I'm a selfish bastard. So after about two weeks of going out with this girl and making plans out of the blue she breaks up with me and takes the friends I had just made.
You see I"m not trying to kill myself because of a girl but the fact that I got to taste happiness for the first time and it was snatched right under me and know I can't do anything anymore. I don't eat or sleep. The only thing I think about is the bliss that she and my new friends gave me and now it is gone.
I'm sorry for the long post but I had to get that out their since I have no one to talk to. there is more but I figure I wrote to much. Thanks for taking the time to read.
enigmatic_alex44
Whenever a game uses "middleware," I expect mediocrity. Just see how poor TLOU looks.
Am I the only one who talks to himself when being alone? I do that when there is no one around but sometimes people hear me and think I am crazy
no I do that a lot. I catch myself doing it at work like I'm repeating conversations I've had with people, or thinking up "scenario" conversations in my head and end up mouthing them by accident and catch myself, stop, and pray no one noticed :/
glad I found this thread, always dealt with chronic depression alone all my life. Have one friend to talk about it with, but she struggles with the same problem so I don't like to burden her too much. People don't understand it unless they have the same problem or know a love one that suffers. I do a good job at hiding it too, most of my friends don't even know... *sigh*
Step 1 is to not think that any more. Accepting your flaws is fine, and healthy, and all that, but defeatism, pity, etc isn't going to attract anyone. If you look at people who are less than super attractive and are in relationships, they're generally at some kind of peace with how they look. The poke fun at it themselves, or they just have confidence nonetheless. I don't know any surefire way to get to that point - I'm not terribly confident about my own looks, so I'm quick to poke fun at myself for being short, and unathletic, etc. - but you need to have some self worth and self confidence, or no one is ever going to be comfortable being around you. So fake it a bit, or find humor in projecting this persona that you're absolutely gorgeous. You can get pretty far being kind of silly about it. Then, when you are feeling more popular, or someone notices you, you'll just kinda quietly exude confidence.
There's this almost universal experience that people have where, they get zero romantic attention until they start dating someone. Then, things just go nuts. After finding a date for prom, I ended up with over a dozen offers which is just...well, that's fucking insane (for me). It was almost all offers from friends who weren't looking for romance, but the same principle applies. People respond to you when you're confident.
Then, in college, where I was in a super committed relationship, it was like some kind of bizzarro world where the ladies loved me. I absolutely was not looking for relationships, which I think was the key. I was just...myself? Like, comfortable just joking around, being goofy - I didn't worry about making some incredible impression. And, as a result, I guess I made a good impression.
I'm not sure any of that is helpful, but keep in mind that it was free. But seriously, I don't think anyone responds to extreme self-doubt and defeatism. You have to like yourself at least a bit, fake it a bit, something.
Any advice is welcome, doesn't matter if it's free. Thank you.
Sis Focaccia
Member
I have some advice, having had a lot of experience with depression and weed.
When you're depressed and you think it's time to stop smoking, you are right. Weed keeps you where you are, and if you're depressed, smoking will only make you feel good for a few hours, and over time, you'll get worse.
It will take almost a month before you're not under the chronic influence of THC anymore. But don't relapse... the temptation will get stronger as you think you "can handle it" or it's not "a big deal anymore", but you will regret it. Stay sober! In this period it's best not to drink either. After a month, when the THC is gone, you will feel amazing. Your senses and cognitive functions will be like super powers compared to before. But keep in mind that stronger feelings than what you had before might also overwhelm you. Stick with it anyway, and don't spend too much time on negative feelings as they come up. Mindfulness meditation and excercise will be of great help! If you can get some professional help as well, that's great, but local friends or people on Gaf can be of very good help too. After six weeks of not smoking (and staying positive, that's important) you'll probably be in a much better place. Don't smoke weed again until you're certain that you're not depressed. And with a proclivity for depression, smoking more than once/twice a month is generally bad for you. Self-medicating "works"... but in the long run, it's not a good idea at all. You end up living a resigned, easy life that will eventually bite you in the ass.
Sis Focaccia
Member
Talking to yourself is not a bad thing per se, but how you do it will affect your feelings and general mental state.
Whenever you have fantasy conversations like that, make sure that you're not arguing, defending yourself, spewing hatred etc... try instead to have a nice tone, and imagine that the person you're talking to really likes you and wishes you the best, and that nothing can make you uneasy. Imagine yourself as confident and happy in the conversations. This will make a difference if you talk to yourself a lot!
Then you'll also actually want to spend time with people, which can be one of the best ways to ease yourself off a depressive pattern
btw, it does good to let off steam in an imaginary situation like that... but that negativity will blossom in your subconscious, which is why it's better to replace it with something relaxed and pleasant. Try to deny yourself any form of negativity in daydream "situations" for a few days and see how you feel.
Really? The Civ 5 demo ran horrifically on my PC, which was easily more powerful than my Air could ever dream of being, so I didn't even bother trying. I did a search for your name and received somebody who hasn't set up their profile--is that you?Lunch, you absolutely can run the Civ games on your Mac. I play CivV every day on mine.. should be no problem unless your computer is very old. I'm dfc9781 on steam if you want to add me
Has anyone here had any experience with medication? I ask because lately I've noticed that my depression has become increasingly difficult to handle. I feel angry, apathetic, tired, and unmotivated almost all of the time. I don't feel as though my mood is becoming worse, but I feel like I'm just stagnant, going nowhere and accomplishing nothing most of the time. That of course makes me feel much worse about myself. I took that screening test that was posted above and scored a ten, meaning moderate depression. A few years ago I kept having panic attacks and severe anxiety when I was moving out of my parents house. My doctor prescribed me prozac for long term treatment, and xanax for when my anxiety became too much. Both of those medications seemed to help me a lot and I didn't feel dependent upon the xanax like I know can be common. I'm thinking that I might want to try them again to try and deal with my current symptoms and get motivated to accomplish things in my life. Has anyone had any success with any other medications? Probably going to see my doctor next week to ask him about it.
User 100115
Banned
I have my steam back up and running
, so anyone that wants to friend me feel free. I am pretty steam stupid though.
fictionisagirl
My teacher always used to say "why are you people saying you are bad at something (referring to "no talent") when you are still learning?". You can't start something and be good at it. To learn anything, you begin by sucking at it.
Let me know if you'd like to be added! Or want more contact details added.
Names link to GAF profiles. Chat means someone can be found in the IRC channel. The word links to the instructions.
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [Chat]
Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Let me know what other info you think would be helpful, too. It will be up to each poster's discretion as to what info is posted, but would ages, sex, country, occupation, be useful?* Anything else?
*Not so much? I was wondering how people would figure out who to talk to, but I guess they can just read your old posts.
Names link to GAF profiles. Chat means someone can be found in the IRC channel. The word links to the instructions.
Bagels [skype: gaf.bagels] [Chat]
Lunch
EdmondD [Chat]
Fiction
Oomikami
Prax [Chat Moderator]
Colin
heidern
Empty
Let me know what other info you think would be helpful, too. It will be up to each poster's discretion as to what info is posted, but would ages, sex, country, occupation, be useful?* Anything else?
*Not so much? I was wondering how people would figure out who to talk to, but I guess they can just read your old posts.
Bel Marduk
Banned
You know, I don't think I did set up a profile. I have a 2011 Air and it runs pretty much perfectly... actually the Mac version runs much better than the PC one in my experience.
MarkMclovin
Member
forknknife
Banned
Same here. I'm staying the fuck out of that thread.
You can add me to the list I guess, although I doubt anyone wants to talk to me.
And I have a 2012 Air, so I guess I should try the series out some day. I know it'd be a masssssssive time sink though, which is the last thing I need. I added ya.
Added you too.
i'll talk to people if they want, bagels. or at least try.
well i hope not, you give some of my favourite advice in the thread!
well i hope not, you give some of my favourite advice in the thread!
User 100115
Banned
Yay I have a friend now!
Also, it took me way too long to figure out how to accept a friends invite, I am getting old.
Collete
Member
My depression (or if it's even there or ever existed) starting to make me think I never had it in the first place. Maybe it is just in my head and I'm being a spoiled brat. I used to be violently suicidal and make many slash marks, but now these days, I'm still suicidal, but I'm just totally numb on doing anything. I'm not trying to suppress my intentions...I don't know....I just don't care. Just a complete haze this past month...Sorry I keep ranting without saying anything substantial these days....Damn I'm losing it...
many places
Member
I have that same feeling of just not caring anymore. I have depression/anxiety and I'm just to the point where I say "who gives a shit?" I just stopped worrying and it's helping a bit but I'm still depressed. Pretty much in a haze 24/7.
Bel Marduk
Banned
I hate to think of how much time I've spent playing Civ. Probably could have cured AIDS by now.
added you as well, add me under
smiley_1790
I'm not good at anything
Had one of those reflective periods were I dwell on things that are insignificant to everyone apart from myself. I guess it wasn't time completely wasted, since I realized that there are some old aspects to my life I miss, but overall I feel better about the person I've become. Thinking about the changes over the past few years makes me actually feel good about myself. My future may not be set, nor do I have many friends to share life with. But for right now, I like me!
Agent Cooper
Member
He broke off what we had.
I hate myself.
I hate what this does to everything. It's ruining my life.
I hate myself.
I hate what this does to everything. It's ruining my life.
Which was my point! You can't be good at something you haven't even started to practice.
Glad to have you! Welcome to our little community!
I think Piano and I might be the strongest pro-medication voices in here - always happy to answer questions. They're not for everyone, and being on the wrong one sucks, but if you know prozac and xanax work for you, that certainly seems like a good plan. I wouldn't really switch at this point, unless the side effects were worse than you're saying. Zoloft (sertraline) gets a lot of love these days - the side effect profile is nice, it's generic, non-medical sources like Consumer Reports recommend it. That's a good place to start if you've never had antidepressants.
Again, the advice from a medical standpoint is generally, if something worked in the past, start there.
People's response to medications are all over the place, but here's a nice review about using the common side effects of antidepressants to tailor drug therapy - e.g., if you can't bring yourself to eat because of your depression, Paxil or Remeron may be good choices, as they tend to increase your appetite.
What happened to Smiley?!?!? Hop into chat and let me know! Your game-related work must continue! Because Crusader Kings is awesome.
*banned for 24 hours for questioning hockey's sexuality. Thanks to everyone who let me know!*
TUROK
Member
What kind of talking to yourself do you do?Am I the only one who talks to himself when being alone? I do that when there is no one around but sometimes people hear me and think I am crazy
I like to talk to myself in funny voices.
Messofanego
Banned
Everyone here should play Depression Quest.
Having a game to deal with depression might work because a game is a goal in itself that if you can accomplish then you can tend to real goals.
Just thought someone here might like to give it a go.
Having a game to deal with depression might work because a game is a goal in itself that if you can accomplish then you can tend to real goals.
Just thought someone here might like to give it a go.
Sounds like you could have androphobia. I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you female? As these sort of fears seem to be more common towards the opposite sex. I can somewhat relate. In my social circles in school and beyond, my interaction with females were quite rare which made me more hesitant to interact with females my age. I've never been social in general, but it affected me more in that situation and it still does to an extent.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I did that once. Took me a full week to recover and spent about three days awake because of paxil shocks. Never again.
I'm off meds for the time being but going to therapy.
Prax
Member
It sounds like you went through a tough heartbreak / reality check. It's always upsetting to lose something amazing, whether it's by your own doing or someone else's doing. How long has it been since the breakup with your recent girlfriend?
I think what's important is that you know that it's possible to have these things. You experienced it for the first time, you said, and it was great. You can still do those things and start anew. Go to bars. Socialize. Go to museums. I know that the mutual friendship aspect was an important part of it, but you started from scratch so to speak once, and it can happen again. You know what you're looking for and what makes you feel alive, so look for it and don't let the fear of past disappointment happening again block you from that.
I always figure that I may as well keep living for the heck of it when it comes down to it. Existence itself is brief, so I'd like to milk it for all its got.
Focus on enjoying yourself, building yourself, doing what you can to get closer to who you want to be. I remember you mentioning that you enjoyed going to the gym. Maybe because of the sense of accomplishment and getting closer to a goal. Why not focus on that and your general health? Hope you're feeling better and can focus on the goals in front of you if the future look too vague. Maybe before you know it, you will have achieved a great deal.
I really like that idea! We all more or less start out sucky. Just through biology and growing up, nature tries to show us that you have to grow into greatness. Everyone has the spark and potential to grow as long as they're alive. This also reminds me of a tumblr thing I saw:
tumblr said:
I know letting go is the hard part. Like your hand has held it so long it's now in a cramped position and you can barely move your fingers to unwrap it from your burden. The same happens with the mind. You brain cramps around your stresses and you forget how to move away from it.
My strategy is to be gentle. Recognize that you are thinking of the stressful thing, decide that you have indeed acknowledged it and are done for the day. Direct your thought to something else as a "reward" for having thought about the stressful thing (like the nice breakfast you want to make yourself when you wake up--something nice but also attainable). Look forward to that thing and go to sleep. (I will also play tv shows or make up fantasy scenes in my head, which blurs into a dream and then go to sleep from that).
This post is kind of mysterious to me. But I assume you just recently broke up with someone and it hurts. Since you're hurting, I think trying to pamper yourself will help buffer against the harsh feelings? Hope you feel better.
Isn't there usually some kind of anxiety when it comes to the gender we're attracted to though? Compounding regular social anxiety with the attraction/rejection mix will do that.
I suppose for you it much higher than normal, but there are also so many guys just scared of women for that reason too, and then their life is nothing but bogged with that fear.
Coming to that realization though, do you have a plan to combat it? (hopefully not "just avoid men forever!" lol) I am not super clear what experiences you have had that made you fear men, but hopefully you can learn to have a general trust of them again.
I hope you're okay. Did you call for help? Is anyone watching over you right now? ARe you feeling heavy side-effects because of it?
Please don't do that again and instead sleep or call a helpline or listen to some music and sing to it. Pretty much distract yourself until the feelings subside and you can get someone to talk to you and distract you instead.
In your other post, you mused about whether you were actually depressed or was just a "spoiled brat". It's clear that you are suffering a great deal and are looking for relief, and this was proof of it. Whether you are a spoiled brat or not doesn't even matter. Suffering is suffering, and I'm sure you would not doom any 'spoiled brat' you know to go through this, so don't assume you deserve this either. You are strong and you can have better days.
I'm gay. It could be mild androphobia, but I'd need to talk with my therapist about that. I do fine with females, but with males I have a very hard to time interacting with them and even going near them.
Well, it probably comes from a history of emotional and psychological abuse by a lot of men, as well as rejection. It makes me hypersensitive to things men say and do to me because of it.
And, honestly, the only combat plan I have is to avoid men and try not to socialize with them.
Men try to talk with me online and stuff and I usually come off as cold of "flaky" because a lot of them don't understand having a fear of your own sex. So, when people ask to meet me, I just say I am shy and all. What happens when I even think about meeting up with a guy is I get this unsettling feeling in my stomach, I begin to feel a little nauseous and that I need to run and use the restroom because my stomach starts getting upset. My heart starts to race and I get shaky.
I don't know if a lot of guys understand this, especially not in the gay community, when it's really easy to pick up your phone or go online, chat up with a guy, meet them for whatever, and then not talk to them again. My purpose in life is to make lasting, meaningful friendships and relationships that are beneficial to me, not to surrounding myself with people who are users and abusers.
Right now, I have to focus on actually trying to graduate grad school... I've suffered so much with depression that I have fallen behind and I have a real fear I will be kicked out because of a lack of performance or reaching mile stones and whatnot. Then that leads to an entirely new fears of not having money and having to move back in with my emotionally and verbally abusive grandfather in a very, very nasty environment that was not good for my physical health.
So, yeah. Men are really the last thing on my list despite that biological urge to find a mate. But, I am able to take and mold the disappointment and hurt into anger and basically can go "Fuck it. Men are pretty terrible, anyway."
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