Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
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Sniper McBlaze
Member
You do realize not everyone here posts EVERYTHING that's wrong with them in every post, right. Sometimes we just post what's bothering us right now, in this moment. If all of us posted everything that's wrong with us and how it applies to the current problem we're experiencing, we'd all be writing novels.
Sniper McBlaze
Member
Of course I understand that and I'm not saying that EVERYONE isn't depressed, but many of the people in here have a way of moving the responsibility of their own well-being from themselves. I've seen this a ton of times since I work in the closed psychatric ward.
breakfuss
Member
Wow, really? Don't be a prick. Sure everyone deals with enough of those in their daily life.
This...even though my post was very long, there is a lot of other details I have completely left out, because I don't even know where to begin...I may be upset about the situation that took place, but I had a problem even before that. This just made it worse.
When you say dozens of failed relationships, it really makes it sound like you could use a break from it all. I don't know anything about your situation though or how old you are or if you've done that before so who knows if what I'm saying is helpful at all, but just because things aren't working right now doesn't mean they can't in the future. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you're tired, take a rest.
Sniper McBlaze
Member
I'm not trying to be prick, I'm just being realistic. I deal with people who feel down almost daily and it's sooo important to not paint a picture of you being a victim to the things surrounding you or just become inactive.
If/When you get therapy, ask for a psychological evaluation to see if you have any Autistic Spectrum Disorders or any other psychological/psychiatric conditions. This will help you and your therapist(s) in coming up with a treatment.
Thank you for the input...I will write that down, and mention it...
What did you hope to accomplish with this post? If you do work in a psych ward, I feel really, really sorry for your patients. This drive-buy "I'm a depression expert! Get over yourselves!" bullshit accomplishes absolutely nothing. You realize that, right? Did you imagine that people would go, "Wow! This random asshole is right! I'll go fix everything right away?" or what?
Seriously - what did you think this would accomplish, other than destroying any credibility you might have?
smokeandmirrors
Banned
I think I need to come off this zoloft. I've been taking it for a while for anxiety and it's worked, but lately I've felt really down and depressed and I think it may be causing it.
That and I'm supposed to take it at night before bed, but when I do my mind ends up racing and I can never sleep.
I just want to be happy again.
That and I'm supposed to take it at night before bed, but when I do my mind ends up racing and I can never sleep.
I just want to be happy again.
Sniper McBlaze
Member
I knew before I posted about the backlash that would come. Let's just say we teach the same stuff to our patients, but we wrap them in nicer words. It's the patients that don't listen to what we say and try to manage their lives that come back. Again and again and again.
How long have you been taking it? If just for a few weeks try to stick with it a bit longer.
Finaika
Member
This doesn't make sense.
smokeandmirrors
Banned
2 years. I had pretty bad anxiety/depression right after I graduated high school and have been on it since (I was told I could take it as long as I need)
I am weaning myself off (the safe way, dr's permission etc.) it so hopefully in a couple weeks it'll be better. I just want to be done with it.
And what do you think we do here? We try and help people, too. We just believe that telling them "lol you don't really have depression I would know despite not knowing you just from reading one post of yours" isn't particularily constructive.
It's funny, the only reason I was diagnosed with Asperger's is because I also had un-diagnosed dysgraphia. My Dysthymia is due to multiple chronic illnesses (mostly physical) and I hope you don't have the same, and if you do, hopefully the synthetic happiness pills work for you.
Do they work for you?
Sniper McBlaze
Member
Have you tried any other medicines in the SSRI group? There are tons out there that might work better for you. Another one that might work good is Mirtazapin. It's not quite an SSRI, but it has an effect on your sleep too since it makes you drowzy.
Sniper McBlaze
Member
Well, that's not all I've said is it?
smokeandmirrors
Banned
Not yet. I'm going to come off this and see how I feel for an extended period of time and go from there.
"Teach" is overselling what you did just a tad. I would call it "shitting on everyone in this thread." There's a reason psychiatric care involves more than an angry paragraph directed at people you don't know for shit. There are people in here wallowing in their misery. Is that part of their depression? Are they just bummed and need a good kick in the pants? I don't claim to know and I've read every post in this thread. Having spoken with many people in here, it's abundantly clear that what gets posted is a tiny fraction of what's actually going on. I certainly don't post all of my troubles. So I give people the benefit of the doubt. If people are just complaining, you can try to gently steer them to more constructive talk.
Your self-righteous, "expert," aggressive posturing will help zero people in here. I have to believe you actually know that. This drive-by dismissal of "half" of the people in here is a ridiculous waste of all of our time.
Sniper McBlaze
Member
Good luck and don't give up hope. I've seen remarkable differences in people who just changed their medicine.
I've been on Wellbutrin, Strattera, and Zoloft for anti-depressants, and my most effective drug is Alcohol so you would be well versed to talk to your Psychiatrist/Psychologist.
Funny you should say that...the only thing that ever does help me become a more social person, and fun to be around is alcohol.
Edit: not really a fan of drinking too much though =/ It's lead to me making real dumb decisions.
As promised, Prax has appeared in our midst, but only after our most insane chat yet. Feel free to join us for post-Easter non-insanity.
VanillaCakeIsBurning
Member
Is it funny that I have no self worth and frequently hate myself all the time but I'll easily rip apart anyone who seriously insults me or people close to me?
Now that I think about it the idea of someone else insulting me seems comical, as if they are not worthy to make judgments about me. I'm the only one who's allowed to tear myself down.
This probably sounds fucked up but it's how I feel.
Now that I think about it the idea of someone else insulting me seems comical, as if they are not worthy to make judgments about me. I'm the only one who's allowed to tear myself down.
This probably sounds fucked up but it's how I feel.
Finaika
Member
I feel the same way too.
Its that depressive rage that you want almost everyone else to feel.
I've been there, and I feel its built some character in me that wouldn't be there if I didn't drink. That being said, I have a friend who loses himself completely if they drink too much, and you don't want that to happen to you.Yuripaw said:
Nah, at this point I'm pretty convinced that things will never work for me. Life loves to dangle true happiness in my face and then rip it away. I don't think there's any hope that I'll ever find someone. Everything is a god damn chore, everyone is so fucking vain and caught up in superficial bullshit that I just can't take it anymore.
Some people just don't have the right to be happy, and I guess I'm one of them. If you told me that happy relationships are facade put on by everyone to make me feel like shit I'd probably believe you. I never thought that wanting a happy long-term relationship would be so fucking infuriating, so soul-crushing when I started dating all of those years ago.
I'm getting old, and with each day that passes I become more and more bitter. I find myself despising happy couples whenever I see them, I'm intensely jealous of their innocent smiles, their shared laughter. Why can't I have that? Every time I reach out and try my absolute hardest everything comes crashing down in the worst possible ways. I'm a horrible person for thinking these things, that I know, and it only leads to more bitterness and self-hatred.
I don't fucking understand, it's maddening, heart-wrenching. I just want it to work! I just want to be happy. I just want to share my life with someone. I want to be able to confide in someone and be with them forever. Why is that so fucking hard?
I'm done with this shit. I've tried taking breaks in the past and the story is the same every time, nothing helps. I can't be bothered to reach out anymore. I'm resigning myself to a life of solitude, lest I die of exhaustion and anger and self-loathing.
VanillaCakeIsBurning
Member
We can be rage brothers. Yay!
Somewhat appropriate. I don't wish this pain on anyone though.
I must be one of the few who's not concerned with finding a partner. I feel like if I can entomb myself within my passion then I'll be ok. Finding a partner after that would be a nice bonus though.
I actually learned that from the Austin Powers movie: "I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I eat."
Collete
Member
More quotes, I thought they were nice:
"If someone says it's wrong to have hope, then I'll tell them that they're wrong every single time. And I know I'll always tell them so."
"You aren't just granting us hope. You're becoming hope itself...The hope of us all."
...I should have just perished months ago....
Edit:
Yuri, I told you I would read your story tomorrow morning (aka this morning), and I did. However it's not an excuse but some events have happened last night that I'm far too weak to give a response you deserved. For that, I'm sorry. However, I do think you and I are a lot alike. People used to blame me for my depression...a lot of people did. But please remember, they are the ones at fault, not you. It took me 7 years to realize this...I only realized this till recently when it was all too late. You are strong to survive this long in your journey, you won't believe me but you could have easily ended this all hear and now...But you're still with us. So you are truly a strong individual. I do please encourage you to try to go back to a psychologist, the girl might have been an inspiration but right now, we would all want to see you take steps to a better tomorrow. It's far too late for someone like me but I see potential in everyone in this thread. So please take advantage of my words and go back. However Depression GAF is always here for you if you ever need a real friend. People here have developed friendships and not just for talking one time and that's it. Like genuine friendships. Bagels is living proof of that with me. We talk about stupid shit all the time even though our beginnings were far from that. Please do not give up.
"If someone says it's wrong to have hope, then I'll tell them that they're wrong every single time. And I know I'll always tell them so."
"You aren't just granting us hope. You're becoming hope itself...The hope of us all."
Take that as you will, Bagels.
...I should have just perished months ago....
Edit:
Yuri, I told you I would read your story tomorrow morning (aka this morning), and I did. However it's not an excuse but some events have happened last night that I'm far too weak to give a response you deserved. For that, I'm sorry. However, I do think you and I are a lot alike. People used to blame me for my depression...a lot of people did. But please remember, they are the ones at fault, not you. It took me 7 years to realize this...I only realized this till recently when it was all too late. You are strong to survive this long in your journey, you won't believe me but you could have easily ended this all hear and now...But you're still with us. So you are truly a strong individual. I do please encourage you to try to go back to a psychologist, the girl might have been an inspiration but right now, we would all want to see you take steps to a better tomorrow. It's far too late for someone like me but I see potential in everyone in this thread. So please take advantage of my words and go back. However Depression GAF is always here for you if you ever need a real friend. People here have developed friendships and not just for talking one time and that's it. Like genuine friendships. Bagels is living proof of that with me. We talk about stupid shit all the time even though our beginnings were far from that. Please do not give up.
Sir Abacus
Member
I'll try help you to understand. Someone in your life isn't going to instantaneously make your life miraculously better and happy. They're not going to be a cure-all for all your worries or improve your sense of self-worth but you seem to have this idealized version in your head that if you find someone everything is going to be ok. Relationships don't work like that as much as society "happily ever after" bullshit wants us to think that they do. They work to complement or even complete each other's happiness so that it weathers rough patches. If two unhappy people get together and don't have the emotional strength to get through difficult circumstances it's going to be a disaster the first time you get a bump in the road. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that only happy people deserve love but that happy people have a positive feedback loop when dealing with the bumps in the road while unhappy people usually have a negative feedback loop which can be a problem in a relationship.
Honestly? You need to work on loving yourself before you can love someone else in a happy, healthy relationship. You need to get a handle on your own self-esteem and discover your own innate self-worth. You need to find a hobby that appeals to you where you can get out with other people and engage in it. Get a therapist that deals with self-esteem issues and work through this self-loathing so that you can overcome the mental blocks and have the courage to become the person you know in your heart you want to be. Then you'll probably find that things will work themselves out on the relationship front.
This took me until my mid-20s to learn. And I barely managed to pull myself out of it consciously realizing this.
I know this is hard to read but nothing ever worth having was easy. And coming out of the cognitive processes that have built up over the years to reinforce this perception of yourself is going to be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. I know. I've been there. This situation isn't without hope. If you get help, work hard and are determined to become a happy, well rounded person I promise things will get infinitely better. You just have to take the first step of saying "I need help" and seeking it professionally.
EatChildren
Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
Got home from hospital about an hour and a half ago. Sister was admitted, boyfriend drove her there after she tried to nick off and (poorly) overdose. Three meltdowns in nine days, all hospital admissions (though no stomach pumping). The depression first reared its head (for us to see, anyway) about six years ago, where she was put towards therapy and medication. Quit that eventually. Four years pass, and here we are again. She'd reached out to me about a month ago about seeing a doctor as she was feeling down, which she did, but hasn't followed up with any therapy what-so-ever. Which is bad.
It's so rough, and a deadly vicious cycle of decreasing self worth. The more depressed she gets, the more she's convinced she's always like this, and will always be like this, and nothing can or ever has changed that. Thus making her even less receptive to taking the steps for mending during therapy.
The only thing we can do is keep the plan of making sure she sees the therapist, moves forward, and takes her meds daily.
It's so rough, and a deadly vicious cycle of decreasing self worth. The more depressed she gets, the more she's convinced she's always like this, and will always be like this, and nothing can or ever has changed that. Thus making her even less receptive to taking the steps for mending during therapy.
The only thing we can do is keep the plan of making sure she sees the therapist, moves forward, and takes her meds daily.
Collete
Member
The bolded I feel describes me how I descended my own spiral of depression...And I couldn't move for the longest time...
I don't know if you have depression yourself or not, but brings hope that not everyone is truly ignorant when it comes to depression. So...Thanks for sharing.
You're doing the right thing however. You're doing what you can. It's good. I wish I had a caring brother like that or a family.
I wish your sister safe passage in her life and hopefully she'll get better.
Yes, make sure she keeps going to therapy. And always let her know you'll be by her side, no matter what happens.
You're a great brother. From what I've read in this thread, not many (healthy) family members have a proper understanding of what it means to have depression. I don't know much about it, but a poor attempt at suicide could mean a desperate cry for help. I hope she gets better.
Thanks so much for sharing. It's not an easy thing to discuss.
Therapy is something of a cruel joke. In order to get better (and therapy is a great way to get better), you have to get up and out of the house again and again, to go do something that does not sound very fun. The people who need it the most are the least capable of actually making it work.
You're absolutely right about making her go to those therapy appointments. Some serious hand-holding goes a long way. It helps to think of depression like any other serious illness (because it is!) - really, really sick people need help getting to the doctor.
The other thing that strikes me about your story is how depression is just this massive black hole for happiness. If you're at the center, the joy just drains out of you. But what's harder to realize is how you also suck in the happiness from everyone in your orbit. You can see that with suicide, which seems like a very personal act, but as you talk about, it has massive consequences for everyone you know.
I'll plus my favorite suicide resources (that sounds weird) yet again, because they really do help so much. Jumpers, about people who jump from the Golden Gate Bridge, is my favorite New Yorker article ever, which is saying something:
On the bridge, Baldwin counted to ten and stayed frozen. He counted to ten again, then vaulted over. I still see my hands coming off the railing, he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, I instantly realized that everything in my life that Id thought was unfixable was totally fixableexcept for having just jumped.
Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide, by psychologist Kay Jamison (who is herself bipolar) is one of the most powerful, and oddly life-affirming, books I've ever read. That was the single best source I've ever read when it came to approaching the suicide patient.
Finally, I'll just say that it's great that you're sticking with your sister. It can be frustrating, and exhausting, and aggravating. I was so happy to see Oomi list me as a friend, up above. Depressed people are always looking for people to give up on them; they expect it, and they will so often force the issue. Oomi can tell you about all of the times she told me to just forget about her, or would just log off. I try my best (and not always with great success) to be unwavering in my support. She tests me a lot, but I see it for what it is and refuse to let go. And she, for her part, does exactly the same for me. I'll push her away and she'll keep after me until I stop being so stupid. It's incredibly helpful.
I'll put up the contact list again in a second, EatChildren. If your sister needs people to talk to who maybe have a bit of distance from her day to day life, there are many people in this thread willing to talk via skype, steam, the chat room, whatever.
There's some confusion about how chat works, so I'll try to clear that up. Prax set it up so that the irc channel is always there. You can pop in any time, and a few of us will be just loitering or possibly chatting. If people ask, or if we have a bunch of people just show up, I'll advertise the chat here. We're getting more and more people in these advertised chats.
Sometimes we'll have serious discussions, and other times (like yesterday) it's just total lunacy. Many of us went into chat feeling pretty down yesterday, but many laughs were had, and we left feeling better. You can always jump in with more serious stuff, and people will be more helpful, or you can click on people's names and split off the serious stuff into a private channel. That approach works for me. Anyway, chat happening right now! Join us!
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ADDRESS:
http://chat.mibbit.com
1. CONNECT: leave the server dropdown on mibbit
2. NICK: choose whatever nickname you want
(although if you want to reserve a nickname for yourself only, there are other steps you can take. I used this guide because it was easiest, even though we're not really in the mozilla servers: https://wiki.mozilla.org/IRC
If you want to change your nickname at any time, type "/nick NAMEYOUWANT" )
3. CHANNEL: "#depression_gaf depressionsucks"
(type in all the stuff in the quotation marks. #depression_gaf is the channel, and the depressionsucks part is the password to enter into the room)
4. Press the "CONNECT" button~!
(tabs on the top will display the different channels or private chats you are in
Sometimes we'll have serious discussions, and other times (like yesterday) it's just total lunacy. Many of us went into chat feeling pretty down yesterday, but many laughs were had, and we left feeling better. You can always jump in with more serious stuff, and people will be more helpful, or you can click on people's names and split off the serious stuff into a private channel. That approach works for me. Anyway, chat happening right now! Join us!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ADDRESS:
http://chat.mibbit.com
1. CONNECT: leave the server dropdown on mibbit
2. NICK: choose whatever nickname you want
(although if you want to reserve a nickname for yourself only, there are other steps you can take. I used this guide because it was easiest, even though we're not really in the mozilla servers: https://wiki.mozilla.org/IRC
If you want to change your nickname at any time, type "/nick NAMEYOUWANT" )
3. CHANNEL: "#depression_gaf depressionsucks"
(type in all the stuff in the quotation marks. #depression_gaf is the channel, and the depressionsucks part is the password to enter into the room)
4. Press the "CONNECT" button~!
(tabs on the top will display the different channels or private chats you are in
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
Hey I know I'm not a regular or even part of this community but I've posted here a few times and I do suffer from depression and pretty bad anxiety...
Anyway, my parents make me feel as though I've failed everything and everyone at all times.
I've reverted back to my old self lately... gained a bunch of weight, dropped my classes... I have ZERO energy, and zero motivation. I just want to sleep.
I feel like I'm very much done here. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but besides getting a job to temporarily shut my dad up (my only motivation), all I think about is suicide.
My mom had two cancer scares recently, and my dad is a verbally abusive mess of a human.
I wake up to people screaming at each other every day. My head pounds constantly... I'm in a lot of physical pain...
I'm around no love, no support, no care outside of "don't be a financial burden... get the fuck off my payroll."
I'm a failure at 26... I'm going nowhere, and I have not a cent to my name.
I should mention I'm on Prozac and I swear it simply stopped working.
Anyway, my parents make me feel as though I've failed everything and everyone at all times.
I've reverted back to my old self lately... gained a bunch of weight, dropped my classes... I have ZERO energy, and zero motivation. I just want to sleep.
I feel like I'm very much done here. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but besides getting a job to temporarily shut my dad up (my only motivation), all I think about is suicide.
My mom had two cancer scares recently, and my dad is a verbally abusive mess of a human.
I wake up to people screaming at each other every day. My head pounds constantly... I'm in a lot of physical pain...
I'm around no love, no support, no care outside of "don't be a financial burden... get the fuck off my payroll."
I'm a failure at 26... I'm going nowhere, and I have not a cent to my name.
I should mention I'm on Prozac and I swear it simply stopped working.
Yup, haven't done much real work this whole semester. Came in unmotivated. Have been eating like a pig, to the point I can feel and see myself getting fatter, but I cannot work up the strength to exercise. Irregular sleeping patterns (going to sleep at like 3-5am, waking up at like 10-11am). Trying to remember what I did the last semesters to get myself motivated and doing work, and even though I somewhat remember, it just doesn't work anymore.
Blew off a lot of readings and homework, and though I was keeping up with math at first, because I really like math, now I just don't care, and am hoping to coast enough off my earlier math grades in order to pull a C. Thought I was going to get some work done during spring break too, lol nope. I realize that many of my semesters have slumps like this with gen-ed stuff, but I feel this is waaaay worse.
I have a therapist but through complications with my insurance, seeing him is now more expensive and so I can't do it as often. But, even though I like him a lot, I don't think it would help much .
i just want this semester to be over.
Also this is a good thread. I can relate to a lot of you in here.
PS does anyone know any good free online games that can run on bad computers? I have no real life friends or online friends (used to be in to a lot of online stuff as a kid but stopped completely to stop being a keyboard warriror/ getting into a bunch of drama) and I feel I need to get back into that now.
Not great. Not a fan.
Material541
Member
Is this something that most/all psychologists know about? For a very long time I have been thinking that maybe I have some form of autism, but I really don't know where to turn or what to do. I only have access to psychologists at the university I go to, but I am scared that autism would be something that they wouldn't know about.
Yay, just put on some pants that I usually wore out to school ( that I haven't worn in like a week due to spring break ) and they feel tight as fuck. I knew I'd been eating a lot but I kind of thought maybe I was exaggerating the effect on me. Had to take them of they were so tight.
I don't feel like going to school, but when I do I know that I have a Sociology test that I have not studied for AT ALL, not read the chapters or anything, which I will probably fail. Then, a math test tomorrow, which the teacher vaguely said he was going to put "a lot of applications" on , even from chapters not necessarily relevant to what we were doing lately, and I haven't went over all of the material yet or studied, so I will probably fail that too. I stupidly stacked all my courses on tuesdays and thursdays thinking I'd use all that extra time to learn and read the material, lol nope. Now I just hate leaving for school at 5 and getting home at 5; the fact that I have all these extra days off of school has balooned my hatred for it and lack of motivation/tendency to procrastinate.
I just hope i can magically pass this stuff like I always have. Cannot wait for summer. If I fail anything, I really dont know what I'll do.
I don't feel like going to school, but when I do I know that I have a Sociology test that I have not studied for AT ALL, not read the chapters or anything, which I will probably fail. Then, a math test tomorrow, which the teacher vaguely said he was going to put "a lot of applications" on , even from chapters not necessarily relevant to what we were doing lately, and I haven't went over all of the material yet or studied, so I will probably fail that too. I stupidly stacked all my courses on tuesdays and thursdays thinking I'd use all that extra time to learn and read the material, lol nope. Now I just hate leaving for school at 5 and getting home at 5; the fact that I have all these extra days off of school has balooned my hatred for it and lack of motivation/tendency to procrastinate.
I just hope i can magically pass this stuff like I always have. Cannot wait for summer. If I fail anything, I really dont know what I'll do.
I realized it when I met with my therapy group. We talked about suicide and I realized that really I don't want life. There is nothing worth missing if I died and no one would even miss me. What's the point of growing old to 70 for nothing. I'm not going to get married or have a good life. I'm already marked for bad luck and unhappiness why prolong it? For the benefit of others no I don't want to do that. I would go out of my mind crazy if I did that. For some life is awesome and fun and they deserve that for me it's not any of that no matter what I do.
I am working on about 2 1/2 hours of sleep. I did something I probably shouldn't have last night, and it took me the better part of an hour lying in bed and suppressing all of the hurt/pain/feelings that came up.
Finally got them put back in their place, but I was up at 2 AM.
Finally got them put back in their place, but I was up at 2 AM.
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