Things you just didn't understand as a kid. That turned out hilarious.

Status
Not open for further replies.
D

daw840

Member
Just wondered if anyone else had things that they saw as a child that they just didn't quite get. I'll start.

I was terrified of using an elevator because of the sign that is always on elevators. It says "In case of fire, use stairs."

I thought that you should just never use the elevator, just in case there was a fire!! Like as a precautionary measure. I couldn't understand why there would even BE an elevator!
 
One day in like third grade my friend came to school with a brand new word he learned from his older brother, "buttfuck". Neither of us knew what it meant, so for weeks we would just call each other "buttfuck". Eventually I wrote down "Kyle is a buttfuck" on a piece of paper and threw it at him, but for whatever reason it didn't get picked up. The next day before class the teacher pulls me aside and asks me if I understood what bad words were. It turns out he found the paper after school and guessed it was me who wrote it based on the hand writing.

It's funny looking back, as is the moment that eventually came a few years later when I finally realized what the word meant.
 
I may have told this before, but I remember a kid on the school bus giving me the nitty gritty when it came to sex. He said, "You go inside of her" so of course I thought he meant you're supposed to poop in a girl to get her pregnant.

To be young...
 
I thought the ice cream man stored ice cream in a toilet inside his van to keep it cold.

I think this might have been the result of my older brother trying to find out how gullible I was. Very. He got me to play with a cat turd once by telling me it was a piece of clay.
 
FrostuTheNinja said:
I may have told this before, but I remember a kid on the school bus giving me the nitty gritty when it came to sex. He said, "You go inside of her" so of course I thought he meant you're supposed to poop in a girl to get her pregnant.

To be young...
Click to expand...

Wait....that's not how it works? How the hell do I have a daughter than?!?
 
(I am in line to get cookies for my second grade class that I teach for the last day of the semester. I am rather thin, have blonde hair that’s very long and dyed, and I have high heels. I am speaking to the clerk.)

Me: “Hey, can I get these for my class?”

(I’m pointing to a selection of pink writing icing. The customer behind me suddenly speaks up.)

Customer: “Stupid blonde w****!”

(The clerk and I look at him.)

Clerk: “Please don’t use that language in here, sir.”

Customer: “What? She is! Oh, little miss b****, what’ve you got there?”

(The customer points to my grocery bag.)

Customer: “Oh, let me guess! Lipstick and eye makeup, and stupid things to go in your sissy blonde hair! Skinny underwear, and big bras, tampons and oh—let me guess, a massive box of condoms!”

Me: “Listen to me. Firstly, this is not my real hair. I’m actually a ginger, but to avoid confusion with another person at work, I dyed it blonde. Secondly, I’m buying cookies for my second graders. Thirdly, I am a virgin and have a Bachelor’s Degree. Fourth, although I am about to marry someone, I am, like I said, a virgin.”

(The customer walks out without buying anything. By the way, my class enjoyed the cookies!)
 
I thought sodomy was some sort of disease that old people get.

When I said I think my cousins grandpa had sodomy, people were alarmed.
 
jaxword said:
(I am in line to get cookies for my second grade class that I teach for the last day of the semester. I am rather thin, have blonde hair that’s very long and dyed, and I have high heels. I am speaking to the clerk.)

Me: “Hey, can I get these for my class?”

(I’m pointing to a selection of pink writing icing. The customer behind me suddenly speaks up.)

Customer: “Stupid blonde w****!”

(The clerk and I look at him.)

Clerk: “Please don’t use that language in here, sir.”

Customer: “What? She is! Oh, little miss b****, what’ve you got there?”

(The customer points to my grocery bag.)

Customer: “Oh, let me guess! Lipstick and eye makeup, and stupid things to go in your sissy blonde hair! Skinny underwear, and big bras, tampons and oh—let me guess, a massive box of condoms!”

Me: “Listen to me. Firstly, this is not my real hair. I’m actually a ginger, but to avoid confusion with another person at work, I dyed it blonde. Secondly, I’m buying cookies for my second graders. Thirdly, I am a virgin and have a Bachelor’s Degree. Fourth, although I am about to marry someone, I am, like I said, a virgin.”

(The customer walks out without buying anything. By the way, my class enjoyed the cookies!)
Click to expand...

Uh....that's hilarious, but I think you may have found the wrong thread. lol

Also of note, had no idea you were a woman!

joe2187 said:
I thought sodomy was some sort of disease that old people get.

When I said I think my cousins grandpa had sodomy, people were alarmed.
Click to expand...

That's awesome.

My mom told me a story that I very loudly asked her what fuck meant in the middle of the department store.
 
In that scene from the movie-version of Mathilda where the headmistress forces that fat kid to eat that whole cake, she says that the lunch ladies' "sweat, blood and tears" went into it. I took that literally and my parents wondered why ithe scene disgusted me so.
 
Tht cork-soaking skit from SNL. I think I kind of got it, but my brain didn't fully make the connection, and I think part of me thought a TV show would never joke about something like that. Now it's one of my favorite skits.
 
I thought a "Blowjob" involved blowing air.

I confused the abbreviation B.O (Body odor) with O.D (overdose)

I didn't realize it was dangerous to stick knifes into toasters. I ate the stuff almost religiously for years as a kid, but would always stick a knife inside to check if it was beginning to go crusty because I liked it just warm so the butter would make it soggy.

Boy how I laughed when a friend nearly died after doing the same thing, that could've been me.
 
Earthstrike said:
Jaxword just likes to repost shit he finds elsewhere on the internet.

http://notalwaysright.com/category/bigotry

Just ctrl f icing, you'll see what he posted pop up.
Click to expand...

rfLbv.gif
 
I thought ceiling fans had the strength to chop off your head if you walked into them.

Then my dad walked in one and merely said "Ow."

:O!!!!!!!!
 
Betty said:
I thought a "Blowjob" involved blowing air.

I confused the abbreviation B.O (Body odor) with O.D (overdose)

I didn't realize it was dangerous to stick knifes into toasters. I ate the stuff almost religiously for years as a kid, but would always stick a knife inside to check if it was beginning to go crusty because I liked it just warm so the butter would make it soggy.

Boy how I laughed when a friend nearly died after doing the same thing, that could've been me.
Click to expand...
Hmmm....
 
Kwixotik said:
Hmmm....
Click to expand...

Well I didn't believe that it happened at first, but when I found out that sticking knifes into toasters is kinda dumb and very dangerous, I'll admit it, I laughed. More at the fact I hadn't realized how close I came to death or serious injury so many times that at my friend getting hurt that my friend getting hurt.
 
No Outlet signs on the road. I thought we were finished when as kids my dad drove past one of those for the first time with me in the car.

Don't drink and drive. Thought my dad would get arrested drinking from the soda cans

Some white kid with his dad were in front of my dad andI at some store. He turned and said, "daddy why is that man so dirty?" I thought it was funny at the time...
 
I walked into class one day and told my teacher I was hungover. I was in 9th grade, and I had no idea what it really meant. It got awkward.
 
I remember being at camp when I was a kid and a couple of kids in my cabin lorded over me that I didn't know what masturbation was. They kept telling me they'd let me know toward the end of camp, but I don't think they ever did and I forgot to ask. Good times.
 
When I was like 7 I said the following, "Man I have to pee so bad I can feel my balls getting bigger." Yeah, I thought Pee was held in your balls.

Edit: I said this to my mom and my 16 year old sister.
 
For some reason, I thought that during heterosexual intercourse, the penis entered the vagina, in which the clitoris--which I assumed to be internal and be a little needle-like micropenis--would then penetrate the man's urethra.

I also believed that you were at a risk for STDs with any kind of sex, regardless of whether anyone was a carrier at the time or not. No one ever explained to me exactly where STDs came from (since all they said was you catch them from someone else), so I assumed they spontaneously originated during sex.
 
Christina Mackenzie said:
God decides how many kids you would have when you got married.
Click to expand...

On that note during my brief stint as a believer (I was pretty much apathetic by 13 and done by 17) I believed at age 6 or so that praying worked like an answering machine, and that if I wasn't hearing God back it was because he hadn't gotten around to me yet.
 
I used to think sex was putting your thing in a girl's thing, but I didn't know how long you were meant to leave it in there and I didn't know it was supposed to feel good. I kinda didn't see the point in it other than to have kids, so the whole safe sex thing was a mystery. Why not just have no sex at all? This was when I was under 10 years old tho.
 
That anything above the age of 30 was ANCIENT.
I asked my dad one night how old he was and he said 31 and I said something like, "That is ancient how are you even still here?"
 
BlackGhost said:
Pee came from girls butts.
Click to expand...

I thought this too.

Necromanti said:
I also believed that you were at a risk for STDs with any kind of sex, regardless of whether anyone was a carrier at the time or not. No one ever explained to me exactly where STDs came from (since all they said was you catch them from someone else), so I assumed they spontaneously originated during sex.
Click to expand...

lol yeah I thought it was a random chance during sex that you would get an STD. I was even scared about eating M&M's after I fapped.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Astronomers just deleted an asteroid because it turned out to be Elon Musk’s Tesla Roadster
News Drama 
27
2K
TheInfamousKira replied
What did you like as a kid that you grew to hate as an adult?
2 3
107
5K
Dirk Benedict replied
How would kid you think of current you?
Social  2
54
3K
Artistic replied
Do you also prefer austere things to luxurious ones?
16
625
DAHGAMING replied
  • Locked
So that thing that just happened in America...
27
2K
John Bilbo replied
Top Bottom