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[QSD]

Hate it and think it is a big contributor to the current shit climate around misinformation. Marketing, advertising, corporate lingo... the ubiquitousness and acceptance of misleading/dishonest communication practices has eroded trust and poisoned culture to a remarkable degree.

 

[Billbofet]

My company has town hall meetings almost weekly, and they stress over and over and over that they are being transparent and there is nothing to worry about ever.
Every one of these town halls so far (been with the company for three months) has also been an announcement of some significant person in leadership leaving the company.
But, don't worry...............

 

[Meicyn]

• A contextual pipeline fosters business lines. The Acting Principal Manager of Diversity and Inclusion directionally orchestrates visibilities. Operations delivery won't happen without Quality Management System (QMS).
• Pursuing this route will enable us to boost our Leadership Development Systems (LDS).
• The enablers formulate the technology-centered insourcings; this is why an efficiency-enhancing and fast-track efficient frontier will be best positioned to rebalance a quality-oriented emotional impact. The point is not merely to deliver projects. The point is to integrate a synergistic drill-down.
• A superior efficiency gain goes hand-in-hand with a solid growth momentum. The socially enabled line of business fosters a compliance, while the challenger overdelivers a value. A responsibility synergizes the Creative Technologists.
• The market thinkers alleviate constraints.
• The Senior Head of Marketing codifies a manageable objective, whilst self-actualization requires that we all pull in the same direction. One thing about big data is clear: our timelines target the thought leaders. The Products Owners stay in the zone.
• A curated mindset relentlessly leverages consumer-facing, high-definition, agile and organizational bandwidthes as industries transform, while an ability to deliver significantly promotes the account executive. Internally and externally, the initiators minimize our weaknesses. Actually, the key people strategize our microsegments.
• Time-to-value, simplification and leadership strengthen our multi-divisional feedbacks; nevertheless our scalable strengths straightforwardly digitize high-impact analytics.
• Highly-curated accelerators energize the gatekeeper; nevertheless a requirement fosters socially enabled values at the end of the day.
• The category manager prioritizes our higher-level, streamlining, internal client. An as-a-service scope transfers the Creative Technologists.
• Attitude requires that we all pull in the same direction.
• Specification quality and metric proactively inspire the Chief Global Strategy Officer (CGSO), whereas we will execute to right-size tactical and re-imagined blockchain technologies. The solutions drive the Acting President of Legal. Our branding strategies inspire the Co-Director of Value Added Services. There is no alternative to dialogue. The standardizations deliver the best possible value, while an organization-focused roadmap globally strengthens a best practice.
• We've got to co-create our lever on-the-fly. As a result, a credible success factor prioritizes contextual priorities.
• First and foremost, a cascading self-awareness invigorates the Senior Supervisor of Identity.

Spoiler

Create your own bullshit with the Corporate Bullshit Generator here: http://cbsg.sf.net/

Very useful if you work in a corporation.

 

[StormCell]

When you get right down to it, it's not just corporate speech that is bullshit. A lot of communication is bullshit. It's why they call it bullshitting. There's also shooting the breeze or, if you prefer, shooting the shit.

Now, the best bullshitters are normally the ones climbing the ladder the quickest. Don't be salty over that. These are the people who know how to speak many languages while still just speaking one plain language. It seems rather hallow to outsiders, but being able to interface with so many different types of people who are full of shit while still delivering a plain english set of requirements to the people doing the real work is worth more than gold itself. When you have this interface between you and the business, you recognize it and love it, and when you don't you suffer.

 

[Kev Kev]

"were all in this together"

 

[OmegaSupreme]

"were all in this together"

One of the biggest lies ever told.

 

[QSD]

When you get right down to it, it's not just corporate speech that is bullshit. A lot of communication is bullshit. It's why they call it bullshitting. There's also shooting the breeze or, if you prefer, shooting the shit.

Ehhh, I do agree that a lot of communication is bullshit, but corporate speech is especially egregious as its purpose is to provide obfuscation and euphemism for exploitative and manipulative practices.

Now, the best bullshitters are normally the ones climbing the ladder the quickest. Don't be salty over that. These are the people who know how to speak many languages while still just speaking one plain language. It seems rather hallow to outsiders, but being able to interface with so many different types of people who are full of shit while still delivering a plain english set of requirements to the people doing the real work is worth more than gold itself. When you have this interface between you and the business, you recognize it and love it, and when you don't you suffer.

I think we are experiencing a pretty serious reshuffling ('the great resignation') of the deck where managers, consultants and HR people and others who are full of shit will struggle and eventually fail to argue why they're necessary while the people doing the real work (e.g. the people that are actually needed/essential) get a salary that actually reflects their indispensability. Stripping the bullshitters/free riders of their obfuscatory language games is one way to expose their redundancy.

 

[StormCell]

Ehhh, I do agree that a lot of communication is bullshit, but corporate speech is especially egregious as its purpose is to provide obfuscation and euphemism for exploitative and manipulative practices.

I think we are experiencing a pretty serious reshuffling ('the great resignation') of the deck where managers, consultants and HR people and others who are full of shit will struggle and eventually fail to argue why they're necessary while the people doing the real work (e.g. the people that are actually needed/essential) get a salary that actually reflects their indispensability. Stripping the bullshitters/free riders of their obfuscatory language games is one way to expose their redundancy.

This is true, incredibly true, and as one who has been an engineer for a while I've seen it come to pass a couple of times when you have the right person's ear and you can tell them that someone directly impacting your team or project is just talking in circles, spewing nonsense, and generally doesn't have a clue, it can cause action to be taken. I've seen bullshitters reassigned or even let go.

The worst of the bullshitters is the executive bullshitter. They usually arrive spewing the latest and neatest sounding bullshit while rearranging deck chairs and hiring in their buddies to fill them.

Unfortunately, I just left a company that is going through a lot of the same stuff. A lot of the old heads of departments were rolling out at the same time my boss blazed a trail out and told me I should do the same. Companies are hiring everywhere right now. Now is an awesome time to be a developer looking for a big pay raise.

 

[dr_octagon]

Synergizing and energizing comments.

This speaks to me, really thoughtful, we should connect.

 

[dr_octagon]

When you get right down to it, it's not just corporate speech that is bullshit. A lot of communication is bullshit. It's why they call it bullshitting. There's also shooting the breeze or, if you prefer, shooting the shit.

Now, the best bullshitters are normally the ones climbing the ladder the quickest. Don't be salty over that. These are the people who know how to speak many languages while still just speaking one plain language. It seems rather hallow to outsiders, but being able to interface with so many different types of people who are full of shit while still delivering a plain english set of requirements to the people doing the real work is worth more than gold itself. When you have this interface between you and the business, you recognize it and love it, and when you don't you suffer.

This is true and is a valuable skill.

The other side is you have useless people making poor decisions. Prioritize appearances over genuine competence and team morale takes a hit. Quick wins doe.

There is also great skill in being clear and not wasting effort playing the game. A lot of people see this and leave for other companies or set up their own.

 

[KyoZz]

Yep I feel you OP.
That's what I like with my employee: no bullshit, the boss talks to you straight in the eye. The guy weighs millions but I already ended up drunk on white wine with him a few times, it was epic lmao.

The boss has bought a big kitchen, installed it at the center of the building and everyone is welcome to make his own meal, share it with others etc...
Every lunchtime, it's aperitif and pétanque (don't know how to say it in English) and everything is provided by the chief. At Christmas, every employee (even the trainees) got a gift, last year it was this and we are almost 100 people.

My job makes me move around a lot, and 2 years ago my house was broken into (R.I.P my Oculus Rift).
I was traveling for work at the time and the boss paid me a plane ticket to go directly home, with the necessary time to file a complaint and make my statement to the police, take care of insurance, cleaning my house which was a real mess etc... while being fully paid of course.

And all this serves to build a real relationship of trust.. That's what I call "making the experience better for employees and customers across the enterprise", but you won't see it written in the website. You see it in the actions of the boss.

 

[WoJ]

I've spent my entire career in corporate America. It's all meaningless hollow platitudes. I am already counting down until retirement.

 

[Catphish]

I fucking loathe it.

In particular, leverage and sunset as fucking verbs.

Go fuck yourself. Those are nouns, as God and nature intended.

 

[MacReady13]

I just can't stand the bullshit made up words people use or they try to elevate the speech when it isn't needed. Here is an example:

"Gaining an EDGE: Transforming the Sales and Service Experience
John Beauregard on how the EDGE Center of Excellence continues to streamline processes, making the experience better for employees and customers across the enterprise."

This is on my company's front page internal website right now. This paragraph literally says nothing. I hate it. Just say what you mean.

I hear you brother (or sister)! I fucking HATE this kind of speech. It's all just bullshit made to sound important and meaningful. Absolute crap it is. I have it where I work and the training we do online is full of this stupid jargon.

 

[Haint]

I just can't stand the bullshit made up words people use or they try to elevate the speech when it isn't needed. Here is an example:

"Gaining an EDGE: Transforming the Sales and Service Experience
John Beauregard on how the EDGE Center of Excellence continues to streamline processes, making the experience better for employees and customers across the enterprise."

This is on my company's front page internal website right now. This paragraph literally says nothing. I hate it. Just say what you mean.

There was a year worth of meetings by a dozen+ people earning a minimum of several hundred thousand dollars to come up with that nothing slogan. On one hand it's a brilliant grift, but on the other there has to be a round table of similarly compensated retards at another company dumb enough to buy their nothingburger.

 

[nush]

The worst of the bullshitters is the executive bullshitter. They usually arrive spewing the latest and neatest sounding bullshit while rearranging deck chairs and hiring in their buddies to fill them.

I can sniff those guys out right away, unfortunately the people higher up that employ them can't. They come in, make a big bunch of sweeping changes without consulting anybody working there already or understanding operating procedures and usually resign or get fired within about a year leaving the company in a worse state than if they were never hired at all. You can usually get that sweet confirmation bias by checking their Linkedin and seeing a whole string of 6 month to a year positions listed.

 

[dr_octagon]

Neogaf Teams meeting.

lem0n I hate to be that non binary individual but what is the purpose of this thread? I received a notification and I'm incredibly busy.

Zeroing Aren't you the PM, I've not seen your email about the report.

Kev Kev Do you have actions from the client?

Chittagong Are you chairing?

Is Maiden Voyage not attending again.

Guise, why are we not coordinated on everything? nush We need to talk afterwards about moving in step.

Thanks everyone, I have to drop off early, pls continue doe.

Fanks.

 

[Kev Kev]

Neogaf Teams meeting.

lem0n I hate to be that non binary individual but what is the purpose of this thread? I received a notification and I'm incredibly busy.

Zeroing Aren't you the PM, I've not seen your email about the report.

Kev Kev Do you have actions from the client?

Chittagong Are you chairing?

Is Maiden Voyage not attending again.

Guise, why are we not coordinated on everything? nush We need to talk afterwards about moving in step.

Thanks everyone, I have to drop off early, pls continue doe.

Fanks.

 

[dr_octagon]

I've seen senior people take full credit and perks for all the hard work by the team. Those people are cunts through and through.

The language used adds to the cuntyness and tries to justify them being a cunt.

Kev Kev I preferred the first gif haha

 

[Maiden Voyage]

 

[nush]

 

[DragoonKain]

That's all any DEI initiatives are.

"We deconstruct the patriarchy and colonialism to ensure that we further peoples rights to be themselves against hate and individualism something something nuclear family something something emphasis of the written word do re mi fa so la ti do"

 

[QSD]

This is true, incredibly true, and as one who has been an engineer for a while I've seen it come to pass a couple of times when you have the right person's ear and you can tell them that someone directly impacting your team or project is just talking in circles, spewing nonsense, and generally doesn't have a clue, it can cause action to be taken. I've seen bullshitters reassigned or even let go.

The worst of the bullshitters is the executive bullshitter. They usually arrive spewing the latest and neatest sounding bullshit while rearranging deck chairs and hiring in their buddies to fill them.

Unfortunately, I just left a company that is going through a lot of the same stuff. A lot of the old heads of departments were rolling out at the same time my boss blazed a trail out and told me I should do the same. Companies are hiring everywhere right now. Now is an awesome time to be a developer looking for a big pay raise.

Yeah I'm really glad to see the labor market shifting in favor of employees for a change. A friend of mine is an engineer too and he's had his fair share of crap foisted onto him by management, while he basically just loves 3d modelling.

I've seen some promising changes recently. I was talking to GymWolf about the problems at Schiphol Airport (main airport in The Netherlands) a month or so ago, the reputation of the airport was really taking a nose dive with massive delays and cancellations due to staff shortages. Since then all the baggage handlers, security/customs employees etc have negotiated a stipend of $900 or so over the summer months, which I thought was a pretty significant ouverture. IIRC they also made the CEO come back from the WEF early to make the deal.
I work in psychiatric care myself and the company I work for also (seemingly out of nowhere) granted us all an extra $500 in september. Also our current manager is retiring and I found that the company was remarkably attentive to our needs as a team and gave us a great deal of autonomy in auditioning a new manager.

So yeah, I feel there's a change in the air. Let's see if we can make it stick. Getting rid of management/corporate speak is certainly something worth pursuing. Like you say, if you look carefully you can always find allies in the fight. Also, if you have a sharp wit then humor/ridicule can be a powerful weapon. Hope you get the raise!

 

[lem0n]

Neogaf Teams meeting.

lem0n I hate to be that non binary individual but what is the purpose of this thread? I received a notification and I'm incredibly busy.

Zeroing Aren't you the PM, I've not seen your email about the report.

Kev Kev Do you have actions from the client?

Chittagong Are you chairing?

Is Maiden Voyage not attending again.

Guise, why are we not coordinated on everything? nush We need to talk afterwards about moving in step.

Thanks everyone, I have to drop off early, pls continue doe.

Fanks.

Thanks, I hate it.

 

[dr_octagon]

Welp, someone isn't a team player.

 

[nush]

Yeah I'm really glad to see the labor market shifting in favor of employees for a change. A friend of mine is an engineer too and he's had his fair share of crap foisted onto him by management, while he basically just loves 3d modelling.

I've seen some promising changes recently. I was talking to GymWolf about the problems at Schiphol Airport (main airport in The Netherlands) a month or so ago, the reputation of the airport was really taking a nose dive with massive delays and cancellations due to staff shortages. Since then all the baggage handlers, security/customs employees etc have negotiated a stipend of $900 or so over the summer months, which I thought was a pretty significant ouverture. IIRC they also made the CEO come back from the WEF early to make the deal.
I work in psychiatric care myself and the company I work for also (seemingly out of nowhere) granted us all an extra $500 in september. Also our current manager is retiring and I found that the company was remarkably attentive to our needs as a team and gave us a great deal of autonomy in auditioning a new manager.

So yeah, I feel there's a change in the air. Let's see if we can make it stick. Getting rid of management/corporate speak is certainly something worth pursuing. Like you say, if you look carefully you can always find allies in the fight. Also, if you have a sharp wit then humor/ridicule can be a powerful weapon. Hope you get the raise!

I think companies are realizing they don't need layers of managment between the director and the staff actually doing the work, that's why you see terms like "Self motivated achiever" in job descriptions. Those management layers are expensive too, so that's another motivation to get rid of them. Now the downside of this is that your career path has been cut out, you can't work your way up from the bottom through those layers of management. Your going to have to jump to a company that has those layers.

 

[Zeroing]

Neogaf Teams meeting.

lem0n I hate to be that non binary individual but what is the purpose of this thread? I received a notification and I'm incredibly busy.

Zeroing Aren't you the PM, I've not seen your email about the report.

Kev Kev Do you have actions from the client?

Chittagong Are you chairing?

Is Maiden Voyage not attending again.

Guise, why are we not coordinated on everything? nush We need to talk afterwards about moving in step.

Thanks everyone, I have to drop off early, pls continue doe.

Fanks.

please take me out of this email chain

Zeroing leaves zoom meeting.

 

[StormCell]

I think companies are realizing they don't need layers of managment between the director and the staff actually doing the work, that's why you see terms like "Self motivated achiever" in job descriptions. Those management layers are expensive too, so that's another motivation to get rid of them. Now the downside of this is that your career path has been cut out, you can't work your way up from the bottom through those layers of management. Your going to have to jump to a company that has those layers.

I was going to say... As much as we all hate the useless do-nothing middle manager, it's just as noticeable and painful (usually more-so in the long run) when you don't have a good manager. If you can be your own boss, truly, then that's great. However, not having a manager can often render you powerless. The company may love keeping you on board because you just get the work done, but when it comes time to negotiate pay raises or promotions, suddenly no one has any idea what you actually get done or what you contribute to the company -- like I said, they're happy to keep you on board because you get stuff done, but no one will claim to have knowledge of what that stuff is. lol

Basically, you'll have to change jobs to get fair compensation.

I don't know which is better, because having a manager is almost always a pain in the ass. They can be a good shield and a good ear when problems at the company are bugging you, but that's only in the case that they are not the problem that is bugging you.

 

[QSD]

I think companies are realizing they don't need layers of managment between the director and the staff actually doing the work, that's why you see terms like "Self motivated achiever" in job descriptions. Those management layers are expensive too, so that's another motivation to get rid of them. Now the downside of this is that your career path has been cut out, you can't work your way up from the bottom through those layers of management. Your going to have to jump to a company that has those layers.

I depends on what you want out of life/work. Theoretically, getting rid of management layers will free up funds to raise the salaries of base level workers which has to be done in order to attract enough employees in the current labor market. If the actual work is something you are okay with doing long-term, you could see your salary rise significantly without actually having to climb the ladder. If the actual work is not a good prospect long term (e.g. physically very demanding) or if you want to move up just for the sake of it, then you will need to look elsewhere.

 

[nush]

If the actual work is something you are okay with doing long-term, you could see your salary rise significantly without actually having to climb the ladder.

You'll always get less than job hopping. If your too comfortable in a role the company doesn't need to incentivize you much to stay. Talking generally here as I can't speak for every type of job out there.

 

[Maiden Voyage]

My wife speaks corporate during sex. It really makes the profit rise, if you know what I mean.

 

[jason10mm]

• A contextual pipeline fosters business lines. The Acting Principal Manager of Diversity and Inclusion directionally orchestrates visibilities. Operations delivery won't happen without Quality Management System (QMS).
• Pursuing this route will enable us to boost our Leadership Development Systems (LDS).
• The enablers formulate the technology-centered insourcings; this is why an efficiency-enhancing and fast-track efficient frontier will be best positioned to rebalance a quality-oriented emotional impact. The point is not merely to deliver projects. The point is to integrate a synergistic drill-down.
• A superior efficiency gain goes hand-in-hand with a solid growth momentum. The socially enabled line of business fosters a compliance, while the challenger overdelivers a value. A responsibility synergizes the Creative Technologists.
• The market thinkers alleviate constraints.
• The Senior Head of Marketing codifies a manageable objective, whilst self-actualization requires that we all pull in the same direction. One thing about big data is clear: our timelines target the thought leaders. The Products Owners stay in the zone.
• A curated mindset relentlessly leverages consumer-facing, high-definition, agile and organizational bandwidthes as industries transform, while an ability to deliver significantly promotes the account executive. Internally and externally, the initiators minimize our weaknesses. Actually, the key people strategize our microsegments.
• Time-to-value, simplification and leadership strengthen our multi-divisional feedbacks; nevertheless our scalable strengths straightforwardly digitize high-impact analytics.
• Highly-curated accelerators energize the gatekeeper; nevertheless a requirement fosters socially enabled values at the end of the day.
• The category manager prioritizes our higher-level, streamlining, internal client. An as-a-service scope transfers the Creative Technologists.
• Attitude requires that we all pull in the same direction.
• Specification quality and metric proactively inspire the Chief Global Strategy Officer (CGSO), whereas we will execute to right-size tactical and re-imagined blockchain technologies. The solutions drive the Acting President of Legal. Our branding strategies inspire the Co-Director of Value Added Services. There is no alternative to dialogue. The standardizations deliver the best possible value, while an organization-focused roadmap globally strengthens a best practice.
• We've got to co-create our lever on-the-fly. As a result, a credible success factor prioritizes contextual priorities.
• First and foremost, a cascading self-awareness invigorates the Senior Supervisor of Identity.

Spoiler

Create your own bullshit with the Corporate Bullshit Generator here: http://cbsg.sf.net/

Very useful if you work in a corporation.

The sad thing is I am so adept at corp doublespeak I can riff for at least 20 minutes on each of those bullet points

 

[Zeroing]

It's all nonsense. Corporate culture, as a whole, can eat a fat dick.

Ugh I would eat one right now.

 

[Chittagong]

I’d say the mission of NeoGAF is to empower people from all walks of lofe to be the best versions of themselves to thrive in life