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Anyone ever try suicide?

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neojubei said:
Nope not really.


I do not even see the point in living, if the last 5 years have taught me i will never marry, never be in a relationship, never contribute anything to anyone or even worth anything to anyone. The next 5 years of my life will exactly be like the last 5 years. crap job, crap living environment, crap everything. I thought about jumping in front of the subway train, probably be the highlight of my existence.
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Marriage and relationships can be over rated. Why not enjoy being single? All four of my siblings are either married or were married and have kids. I'd personally feel like I'd want to kill myself if I had to go to bed at 8 pm every night or could no longer do what I can do as a single man with no kids. It probably sounds selfish, but I everytime I get depressed about being single I think of my brother-in-law having to whisper in his mic after 9 pm for fear of waking up the misses, the man dens that are the size of college dorm rooms my married guy friends have to build in their houses just to find solace or the countless “vacations” that consist of babysitting my siblings' kids so the married couple can actually go out on the town for the first time in six months only to have to wake up at 6 am when their kids are ready to run the Boston marathon.

Also, most people hate their job. Those people that say they love going to work every morning are lying. Who cares if you don't make a big impact? That's like 75 percent of employed people.

That said, I feel for you man. I don't know you personally, but I just want you to know that I care about you. Talking is good. Get shit off your chest. If anything, you are still a part of GAF.
 
GillianSeed79 said:
Marriage and relationships can be over rated. Why not enjoy being single? .
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Enjoying being single doesnt work if you do it long enough.

You start to wonder what the point of life is and come to the conclusion its the connections you make with others. Enjoying being single is just an endless series of distractions from what everyone really wants.

Im 27 and ive never been in a relationship, and am bored as fuck. No matter what im doing in career or otherwise feels worthless to me.
 
GillianSeed79 said:
Also, most people hate their job. Those people that say they love going to work every morning are lying. Who cares if you don't make a big impact? That's like 75 percent of employed people.
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Really?
 
My brother did while suffering from depression/bipolar.

I've contemplated it in the past, but never seriously planned it out or came close.
 
Satchel said:
My brother did while suffering from depression/bipolar.

I've contemplated it in the past, but never seriously planned it out or came close.
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I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard to live with near constant depression, particularly being bipolar, where you cycle between that and an inability to control your impulses. I wrecked my marriage and my career and lost plenty of friends from it. My brother, who is bipolar I (I'm bipolar II) has self-committed, been involuntarily committed, and been jailed over it.

I eventually got lucky, in that I finally got a good diagnosis and some meds that helped. It's hard to believe there's hope after being down in that particular hole for so long, but sometimes you get lucky. It's not easy relearning how to be after forty years, but I'm better off now that I have been in a long time. Too many people run out of hope before they find any peace, and that's a tragedy for everyone.
 
Swallowed a bottle of tylenol, wrote a letter and attempted to go to sleep when I was a young and dumb 19 year old. Puked it all up because my body flat out rejected it, realized what a fucking retard I was, and that I was just lazy and not depressed. Did the worthless therapy appointments, got committed, and haven't been to a psychologist since. For me depression was a state of mind, and to this day I just remind myself to try to be positive in life even when bad things happen. It makes things a hell of a lot easier with much greater success. It's too easy to bitch and moan, it's worth it to keep things positive in life.
 
mblitek said:
That's amazing man, I feel so happy for you! I'm currently doing robotic therapy trying to jumpstart my brain so to speak. Here's a picture:

2ydQC.jpg
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I don't know you but i'm proud of your struggle. And that you're applying yourself to get back in the game... What have the doctors said? Will you be able to walk again? I know what it's like to be stuck in a hospital bed unable to move your toes, burning sensation like hot needs in your legs and back every waking moment. I still have nightmares from time to time, falling out of that window 3 stories.... Since then I've gotten in better shape than i've ever been in my life, girls tell me they can't recognize me and all that, that i look like a new person, act like a new person. Well they're right.

That night i fell i was reborn. Because you never understand how important your life and health are to you until it's been sent right to a view overlooking a cliff, teetering on the edge of nothingness. I have considered suicide in the more miserable parts of my teenage years; how fucking childish right? If your life isn't worth living... My recommendation is for you people to find something worth living for. Or someone. Your job sucks?You have no bitches(or dudes)? Your friends are dicks? Well you're probably still young enough to change that. I see 20 and 30somethings in here complaining about that shit and all i can do is shake my head, because your life is still quite in your hands.

Man up and follow this guy's example.
 
for those that have been anxious and been prescribed Ativan in the past, have you experienced a greater sense of depression and/or suicide while on the medication? the drug has calmed my nerves through some tough moments, but i feel as if it has affected my overall mood quite a bit. i've been on the drug for roughly 5 months.
 
I've been thinking about it for most of my life. I grew up in a very abusive situation and I was able to get through it and I was even able to slay some demons that crept up in my adult life by getting help. I eventually went to college and I got my graduate degree and I succeeded, however, my illness has gotten worse since then and the help that once brought me from the brink doesn't seem to work like it used to. I have it my mind that one day I probably will do it because of different things that are going on in my life. I will tell you one thing though, if I ever decide to do it, I WILL DO IT. There will be no "attempt" as I would never use it as a cry for attention because, at the end of the day, I know that attention is not the problem.
 
OP, I think you need to start doing things that remind you that life is worth living, and if you can't find anything to do where you are, the simplest solution is to just leave.

Move to another country, try out different jobs, taste different foods, enjoy the scenery and (inevitably) meet different people which may lead to new relationships and bonds. They say that life is what happens while one is making plans, and often the main reason people become depressed/suicidal is just plain old boredom.
 
scorcho said:
for those that have been anxious and been prescribed Ativan in the past, have you experienced a greater sense of depression and/or suicide while on the medication? the drug has calmed my nerves through some tough moments, but i feel as if it has affected my overall mood quite a bit. i've been on the drug for roughly 5 months.
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After having been on Xanax for years, I switched to Ativan for one day and it made me feel extremely depressed and put me into a weird dream like and hypnotic state that gave me something close to hallucinations. But my reaction to Ativan is probably pretty abnormal.
 
So to the people who are talking about dark thoughts, demons, etc. can you be more specific? What is it exactly about the world or your role in it that you find unbearable?
 
Horizontal and vertical scars on my left wrist from razor blade work, though they healed pretty cleanly.

Downed a full bottle of pain killers and around three bottles of various cough/cold medicine - whatever I could grab. Vomited for a very long time, passed out for nearly 24 hours. Took a week to heal.

Both in a short period of time. I got to a therapist a short time later and pulled myself together. Life is good since, and now.
 
mblitek said:
Not at all, I came off too harsh but having been through hell & back and having bad luck for the past while I never once thought about it. Correction, when I was in ICU the first time the Dr. gave me my patient rights and effectively said "you probably won't walk again and your ;ife will not be the same. That said, I can leave you on life support and you can battle it out and we the Dr.'s can & will do our best to save you. Or, I can take you off life support and you will die." It hit me like a tonne of bricks, errr more like the tree that fell on me. Then immediately I thought if I choose yes to stay alive I can't back out halfway. I'm 19, is it really worth it? Then I immediately thought of my family and felt so guilty for the situation they were in. They didn't deserve it nor did my friends or acquaintances. I spent the next 60days in ICU on life support, with a tracheotomy, stomach tube, chest tube, nose tube, a tube up my pen0r, IV etc. I also had the severe painful feeling of a tube going down the hole in my tracheotomy hole about every 45mins to suck out the mucus. It hurt sooooooo bad.


Now I feel like a prick for being so harsh and quick to judge. I apologize. That said, please appreciate how lucky you are despite what bothers you. You can & will feel better despite what you currently think. Go to a Doctor, tell him/her your issue and try some anti-biotics. It may take a few trials to get the right dosage and/or type. Then get a recommendation to a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist or even a support group. Vitamins will also help and exercise.
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Yeah I was in a similar situation when I was 14 and my lung collapsed and I had to go through the same respirator/mucus sucking routine but only for about 24 hours. Actually working hard to live really makes you register how important life can be to you so it's sometimes hard for me to feel sympathy for people considering suicide but I understand that a mental disorder may be out of your hands so you can't really blame everybody who considers it.
 
I think about it a lot. Dealing with post traumatic stress which has caused me terrible anxiety, paranoia, and deep depression.

Recently put on Paxil, I'm on week two. I have been feeling better, but I hope there's more benefit to come as I still become used to the medication. I just want to feel like my old self again.


Only reason that's keeping me from killing myself is because of the pain my friends and family would feel if I died. I care about them more than I do about myself, so that keeps me going.

Though sometimes I wish no one loved me at all, then I could off myself and I wouldn't shatter anyone else's world.
 
i had everything planned out (including the rope) but never went through with it. i still think about it often, but these days at the back of my head i know i wouldn't do it.

more than one attempt just seems like a huge cry to help than a legitimate desire to die in my opinion. fair enough if you botched/messed up the first time, but a second? if you really wanted to go, you'd make sure there was no second chance.

mblitek is hugely inspirational, best of luck to you man. what a dude.
 
EschatonDX said:
Man up and follow this guy's example.
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This is insulting to people actually suffering from bipolar disorder, clinical depression, and all that jazz.

Unless by "man up" you mean seek the appropriate help and treatment. In which case I agree.
 
I've certainly been on the brink of giving up a time or two. Life hasn't always been flowers & sunshine. There's always been something that's worth carrying on for though so I'm still here.

I have a lot of time for the genuinely suicidal, it's a fucking horrible state of mind.
 
Obsessed said:
This is insulting to people actually suffering from bipolar disorder, clinical depression, and all that jazz.

Unless by "man up" you mean seek the appropriate help and treatment. In which case I agree.
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Yes I do. And clearly if you have an actual severe mental disorder i'm not including you in that. ~_^
 
I never tried it never would. My best friend did however and succeeded; he was 34 and died 2 months ago. The anger was the first feeling but that has given way to sadness and acceptance that he is gone. It is a shitty feeling to lose someone so young and so close to you via suicide.
 
SmokyDave said:
I've certainly been on the brink of giving up a time or two. Life hasn't always been flowers & sunshine. There's always been something that's worth carrying on for though so I'm still here.

I have a lot of time for the genuinely suicidal, it's a fucking horrible state of mind.
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There isn't much to care for in this world least in my perspective. Thought about shooting myself in the head but buying a gun in this state is hard.
 
apana said:
So to the people who are talking about dark thoughts, demons, etc. can you be more specific? What is it exactly about the world or your role in it that you find unbearable?
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My very close friend who has been suicidal like clockwork every six months and has tried to kill herself four or five times would always talk about how it felt like nothing she ever did worked out, like everything she attempted made things worse, and like everyone she loved she was hurting by being in their life.
 
There was a time a while ago where I was going to jump into a set of train tracks. It was kind of a surreal experience. I just looked at the tracks, saw my self either getting electrocuted, or hit by a train, and that feeling of wanting to end it there was the strongest its ever been in my life.

Truthfully I have no logical reason to had wanted to kill myself at that point, but that desire to do so still came. That feeling of that dread is like a drug. I've had other times where I thought about the idea for hours. That feeling has waned and its no where near that bad anymore.

You only commit suicide when you give up fighting imo.
 
Ive never even contemplated it. Life sucks sometimes this isn't a bad thing. Learn and move on. I could see if my wife and children all died or something. But even then I would just take such huge risks I would eventually die as opposed to offing myself.
 
I've felt depressed before but even then the thought of ending my own life makes me sick. I like life no matter how crap it can get. I only get one shot and I'm not going to be the guy to stop it short.
 
disappeared said:
Bullshit.

Unless you have been exactly where I was, you're an armchair critic.

It's all willpower. Having a belief in yourself strong enough to carry on.
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No it's not. In some cases, maybe, but a lot of depression is entirely chemical. Giving people advice like this is just a terrible fucking idea.
 
Yes, I tried once. Exactly year ago. Tried to OD on several drugs. I ended up sleeping for 24h and when I woke up, I felt like shit. Severe chronic depression sucks, but I am much better now. Graduated from university last week and currently unbanned from GAF after a 1 month. Whoohoo!
 
Go get medication.
Study the entire subject of suicide. everything you can get your hands on.
You at least owe yourself that much.
You are not alone.
 
I forgot about this thread. Shouldn't drop something in here and not follow through.

dragonlife said:
OMG :(

Why at such a young age?
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I had a pretty horrible stepfather and to make matters worse my mother wasn't there either physically or emotionally and so we were forced to spend a lot of time with him. He fucked me up for life: I'm still holding on to a lot of emotional scarring and insecurities because of him.

He's dead thankfully.

Azuran said:
You forgot to type a 1, right?
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No, I mean age 8.

disappeared said:
And how are you, these days?
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I'm actually incredibly well, despite some tooth pains and being unemployed. Happily married and a father now.
 
BackwardsSuggestions said:
Yup.

I was 17 (19 now) and after a rather heated argument with a female, I downed bottle after bottle of pain meds. I realized I fucked up, went into school, told a teacher, went to hospital and that's it.

I think about it at least once a week but I've found someone in the same situation and everytime I get close, I call her up and she comes over. We talk, she gets me through it (barely) and I move on.

No one knows about this besides that friend. Really wish I could tell someone how bad I actually feel about everything. But, there's no one else I can really turn to so I just go day to day with my mediocre life, doing nothing to help myself but wallow in my own self pity.

To sum up. I hate my life and don't really have a reason to.
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I hate to be evenly mildly condescending to someone who obviously deserves empathy and respect, but you have to empirically understand that age 19, you pretty much have no life experience worth telling about, that the adult world is extremely different than the one in which you're currently living, and that every billionare 60-year-old+ on the planet would unflinchingly give up every penny they have just to be you, in your exact situation.

Hope is what keeps people going, even in horrible situations. Understand that you have an entire lifetime to turn things around, and even if it doesn't happen in the next year, or the next five, it's going to happen eventually, if you let it.
 
Kevitivity said:
Suicide is the single most selfish act one can commit.
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I do think it's selfish, but I never understood this. The MOST selfish? I mean, how about bombing a school for your own personal pleasure, or something? That's pretty fucking selfish. I think that wins.
 
Feep said:
I hate to be evenly mildly condescending to someone who obviously deserves empathy and respect, but you have to empirically understand that age 19, you pretty much have no life experience worth telling about, that the adult world is extremely different than the one in which you're currently living, and that every billionare 60-year-old+ on the planet would unflinchingly give up every penny they have just to be you, in your exact situation.

Hope is what keeps people going, even in horrible situations. Understand that you have an entire lifetime to turn things around, and even if it doesn't happen in the next year, or the next five, it's going to happen eventually, if you let it.
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Understanding isn't the problem. It doesn't matter how much you understand with the logical half of your brain if the emotional half is signaling constant despair. Imagine being flooded with miserable emotions every single day and trying your hardest to fight it through logic and understanding. You'd eventually cave in.
 
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