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[Shantae]

With covid still being a thing, and with me not really having a social circle, I was thinking about checking out some dating apps again. I just really need to find someone in my life, even if it's short term, and I don't know how else to do it.

Thing is, holy shit these apps/sites suck now! Even ones that I used to go to like POF, and Okcupid, they all look like such bull shit. I'd be fine signing up place that has a simple monthly fee, but so many of these sites seem designed to drain money out of you with multiple tiny transactions, and this shit is gross. Not to mention they all seem to lean into the shallowness of apps like Tinder where it's all about swiping left or right. Leaves men like me who aren't super hot to always be left out to dry.

Are there any left that try to emphasize real connections and not all this bull shit?

 

[Daxter32jak]

Match.com ain’t too bad, I’ve met several women there and had a couple decent relationships.

They have different subscription plans too

 

[Cunth]

If you’re gonna pay for a date, just pay for punani instead

 

[Shantae]

If you’re gonna pay for a date, just pay for punani instead

I'm embarrassed to admit, this is not a foreign idea to me. As someone who wants a meaningful relationship, this is legit not the way to go. It leaves you feeling more hollow than before.

 

[008]

You're going to have to use the mobile apps as that's where everyone is now.

 

[DrJohnGalt]

OKcupid is horrible. In my area it's 95% crazy activists and the site itself throws out a bunch of "compatibility" questions that set up political strawmen with implications that only the progressive answers are acceptable.

 

[JordanN]

Neogaf is always free.

 

[nush]

It leaves you feeling more hollow than before.

How do you know if you've never done it?

Did someone else say that and it sounded like an insightful idea to pass off as your own?

 

[Shantae]

OKcupid is horrible. In my area it's 95% crazy activists and the site itself throws out a bunch of "compatibility" questions that set up political strawmen with implications that only the progressive answers are acceptable.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was okcupid where I spoke with the one idiot who assumed she knew who I was right away because I play video games. She assumed I must be a misogynist, and that she's not a princess in need of saving. That she was a strong independent woman.

How do you know if you've never done it?

Did someone else say that and it sounded like an insightful idea to pass off as your own?

No, I'm saying that I have done it.

 

[Kagey K]

I stopped using those apps. The in date purchases were getting to be too much for me. Felt like everything was microtransactions.

(That and I don’t think my girlfriend would appreciate it much.)

 

[MaestroMike]

what kinda gal are u looking for?

 

[Shantae]

what kinda gal are u looking for?

I dunno, how do you answer like that, ya know? It's always like I don't wanna be too picky, but of course every guy has preferences too. I want to meet someone more open than me. People in the past have tried to set me up with women they thought were like me, but the thing is I don't need someone like me. I don't need another introvert shy person, I need someone extroverted who can help crack my shell open.

I like someone who at least tries to present themselves nice on first date also. I try to not to be shallow, but these Wisconsin women I keep meeting...I can deal with overweight, as long as you can present yourself well. Wear some makeup, take a shower, do your hair...I always try to put my best presentation when meeting someone, but I've always felt like the women I meet never do that. They think showing up is good enough.

I'm tired of women who are kinda prudish when it comes to sex. I've met women who think it's just something to do and get over with, but I wish I could meet someone who enjoys sex, and likes to have more fun than just "okay, do you have a condom" and then just wants to lay on her back and get it over with. I like foreplay I guess is what I'm saying.

In an ideal world, I'd love to date an Asian girl, but they seem like slim pickin' where I live. Oh but I'm not supposed to say that. That's "yellow fever".

I don't care if we don't share all the same interests, because that's not really what a long lasting relationship is based on, but a lot of people seem to put that to the forefront. Think my mom liked all the geeky stuff my dad during their 43 years of marriage? lol

 

[Elcid]

I dunno, how do you answer like that, ya know? It's always like I don't wanna be too picky, but of course every guy has preferences too. I want to meet someone more open than me. People in the past have tried to set me up with women they thought were like me, but the thing is I don't need someone like me. I don't need another introvert shy person, I need someone extroverted who can help crack my shell open.

I like someone who at least tries to present themselves nice on first date also. I try to not to be shallow, but these Wisconsin women I keep meeting...I can deal with overweight, as long as you can present yourself well. Wear some makeup, take a shower, do your hair...I always try to put my best presentation when meeting someone, but I've always felt like the women I meet never do that. They think showing up is good enough.

I'm tired of women who are kinda prudish when it comes to sex. I've met women who think it's just something to do and get over with, but I wish I could meet someone who enjoys sex, and likes to have more fun than just "okay, do you have a condom" and then just wants to lay on her back and get it over with. I like foreplay I guess is what I'm saying.

In an ideal world, I'd love to date an Asian girl, but they seem like slim pickin' where I live. Oh but I'm not supposed to say that. That's "yellow fever".

I don't care if we don't share all the same interests, because that's not really what a long lasting relationship is based on, but a lot of people seem to put that to the forefront. Think my mom liked all the geeky stuff my dad during their 43 years of marriage? lol

Find a hobby you enjoy and join a group that does it, unless your hobby is something gay like rowing you should meet women that way.

 

[Shantae]

Find a hobby you enjoy and join a group that does it, unless your hobby is something gay like rowing you should meet women that way.

I tried that, but I really don't like groups. Again, I'm an introvert, and groups don't suite me. Every time I'm around more than 1 or 2 other people, I get quiet, and don't feel comfortable at all.

But like I tried to meet people through meetup.com groups, but with covid, they're all not doing anything anymore. Even then...I wasn't really haven't a great time. Went to a geeks and gamers meetup group, and there were a couple women there, but holy shit the men were annoying as hell. Talk about nerdy....and not just geeky nerdy, but super smart nerdy, and they just made me feel like way uncomfortable. Not to mention the fact that I was sitting next to this asshole who smelled like shit. Never heard of a shower I guess.

I'm really just not interested in meeting other dudes for friends. I'm just really tired of being hurt by people who I thought were friends. As soon as any of them get a girlfriend themselves, it becomes like I don't exist anymore. Has happened numerous times, and I'm just done with them.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

I met my wife on coffee meets bagel

 

[Reptars Revenge]

Hinge probably

 

[-Minsc-]

Dating sites just never set well with me. Honestly I believe it can be the worst place for socially awkward people to go. At least I could not be comfortable making a profile on there.

I'm currently chatting with a lady I met through church. Went on a coffee date during the week. She seems to want to chat so time will tell how things go. Will see tonight about setting up meeting for next week.

I tried that, but I really don't like groups. Again, I'm an introvert, and groups don't suite me. Every time I'm around more than 1 or 2 other people, I get quiet, and don't feel comfortable at all.

Do you have any secrets you don't want others to know? Basically, do you lie a lot? Any trauma? Have you learned to let go of your resentments in life? There's no need to answer here publicly (or even privately). I found joining a group where I can talk about my excessive porn use (and anything which may have lead to it). Having this group of guys is great, I'd no doubt be driving myself crazy if I didn't have them to reach out to when chatting with this lady. Never underestimate having the right group of men to reach out to. Just as we can be blind to the good women, we can be blind to the good men.

Lying is a killer. The important thing, I find, is getting somewhere to work out what makes me uncomfortable. Sort out my flaws and defects (we all have a lot of them). It's a never ending learning experience.

Getting out of ones comfort zone is a good thing. Jumping out of a plane over the middle of the ocean is insanity. Know the difference.

Words from a licensed socially awkward dork who may or may not be clueless.

P.S.

If you happen to find a good dating site and it works out for you then I say awesome.

 

[Drake]

match is awful. I had a lot better luck on bumble and I didn't spend a dime. This was last year though, I can't imagine it's much different now.

 

[Nymphae]

I don't need another introvert shy person, I need someone extroverted who can help crack my shell open.

Introverted self admittedly not super hot male seeking attractive extroverted female to take me out of my comfort zones. Good luck with that. My guess is you might need to lower your standards a bit. Extroverted women don't really want to help you become fun.

When I was using these free apps I found there was plenty of opportunities to meet non thots, women that would also describe themselves as not "super hot", but are seeking companionship and are probably in the exact same boat as you. Hard to know much about your success rates without knowing how you present and who you are approaching, but there are a lot of people using PoF and Tinder everywhere.

 

[psorcerer]

With covid still being a thing, and with me not really having a social circle, I was thinking about checking out some dating apps again. I just really need to find someone in my life, even if it's short term, and I don't know how else to do it.

Thing is, holy shit these apps/sites suck now! Even ones that I used to go to like POF, and Okcupid, they all look like such bull shit. I'd be fine signing up place that has a simple monthly fee, but so many of these sites seem designed to drain money out of you with multiple tiny transactions, and this shit is gross. Not to mention they all seem to lean into the shallowness of apps like Tinder where it's all about swiping left or right. Leaves men like me who aren't super hot to always be left out to dry.

Are there any left that try to emphasize real connections and not all this bull shit?

No. The dating sites revenue model is dependent on you never ever finding a match.
Think about it.

Extroverted women don't really want to help you become fun.

Only opposites have the best relationships.
I.e. introvert + extrovert.
But they also have the worst relationships if they are not the "right" type of opposite.
You need to be opposite in a supportive and not a conflicting way.
Basic psychology.

 

[psorcerer]

I'm embarrassed to admit, this is not a foreign idea to me. As someone who wants a meaningful relationship, this is legit not the way to go. It leaves you feeling more hollow than before.

Really, be more creative.
Strippers.
You essentially pay money for their time.
Talk to them.
1. You will feel better.
2. You will understand that just talking to random girls is not that bad.
3. Learn. Study how they behave. Chances are that strippers are much harder targets than regular girls.

 

[a multicultural team of v]

Hinge probably

Not that I've used a ton of apps, but Hinge has by far the highest quality percentage. By far.

The flip side of this is it means most of them are normies ao you gotta dig a bit for someone interesting.

 

[FreedomOfSpeech]

I need someone extroverted who can help crack my shell open.

That's just not how life works. You are chasing a dream. A dream in which you get saved by a woman.
Human attraction does not work that way.

A solid way to attract a mate is to become a better man, whatever that means. Unlike what the propaganda will have you believe, women want strong men that are better than them. This is the most basic of redpill insights.

Figure out what 'a man' is and become that. Can't deny biology.

 

[Starlight Lotice]

If you have a big package. Just post that on a Dating Site and you will get loads of Interest from others!!!

 

[Nymphae]

Only opposites have the best relationships.
I.e. introvert + extrovert.

I've never seen an extroverted female & shy/introverted male pairing in my life, I feel like this is overstated myth that opposites attract. Active couples like to be active together, sociable people like to be social together, shy introverts like to stay in together, etc. I'm sure anything is possible but I'm not sure opposites attract applies strongly to personality types that differ in how much they enjoy social activities and being around other people

 

[Goro Majima]

If you’re not in great shape this is probably the best time to kinda focus on your own appearance and worry about dating in 2021 because hopefully the Covid stuff will be better by then.

Wisconsin is a giant bar and tavern social scene so if you just have to get laid or need to meet people that is your best bet. I’m going to guess you have one in your neighborhood pretty close by.

 

[Elcid]

Not gone lie I’m a bit jelly. I wish I got to try dating for a while, all these apps look fun. My tip would be quit being such a damn introvert and crawl out of your shell on your own. I met my wife and put a rang on that girl in two weeks flat. We’ve been happily married 7 years.

 

[Tesseract]

the whole extroversion and introversion thing confuses me, isn't that something you switch on or off with circumstances?

sometimes you wanna be social, lead the way, other times you wanna hole up and do your own thing ...

 

[ValiantTraveler]

Not gone lie I’m a bit jelly. I wish I got to try dating for a while, all these apps look fun. My tip would be quit being such a damn introvert and crawl out of your shell on your own. I met my wife and put a rang on that girl in two weeks flat. We’ve been happily married 7 years.

I hope I’m not nosy but how did you meet her?

I’m at a loss when it comes to meeting women. I tried the apps and websites and got nothing out of them, despite trying to stand out from the crowd and using all sorts of openers. All the girls I see on Facebook and Instagram are either narcissistic and brain-damaged by all the attention on social media, or plain ugly.

My social circle is very limited (basically, male friends + gym buddies in a gym with next to zero girls). Covid-19 hasn’t made things easier too. I don’t want to meet any girl. I don’t think I’m too picky either. What am I to do?

 

[Bandit Messiah]

I've looked into the dating apps, and in my area its quite hilarious. You can either choose the stick up their ass holier than thou leftier than left feminists, or the overweight 2-3 kids divorcees that want a 'real man that can handle me'.

Can I not find a woman that isn't politically insane and comes with a ton of baggage from previous relationships please? Just fucking once?

 

[nush]

That's just not how life works. You are chasing a dream. A dream in which you get saved by a woman.
Human attraction does not work that way.

A solid way to attract a mate is to become a better man, whatever that means. Unlike what the propaganda will have you believe, women want strong men that are better than them. This is the most basic of redpill insights.

Figure out what 'a man' is and become that. Can't deny biology.

Exactly, you can't expect another person to fix your issues. It's a delusion that you're just an ugly duckling that will reward whatever lucky girl takes a chance on you with a beautiful swan.

You've got to get match fit before you meet someone and then a relationship can/could improve you. You can't expect any woman to take a guy in the minus world and put in effort just to make him baseline normal. It does not work that way, life isn't an anime.

 

[psorcerer]

I've never seen an extroverted female & shy/introverted male pairing in my life, I feel like this is overstated myth that opposites attract. Active couples like to be active together, sociable people like to be social together, shy introverts like to stay in together, etc. I'm sure anything is possible but I'm not sure opposites attract applies strongly to personality types that differ in how much they enjoy social activities and being around other people

I think you confuse between "socially marginalized" and "introverted".
It's not a myth. But obviously it's harder for introverted male to get extraverted girl just because of how even extraverted girls would like to not initiate first contact.
But when it happens they have a better relationship if they combine properly.
The popular myth is that every person is the same "underneath" and can change any part of their character.
And because that's a myth inevitable clash of interests between "samey" partners happens. Or they are so similar, that they get bored.
Any healthy relationship should move somewhere, have ups and downs. Which hapoens automatically with "opposites". Otherwise it will end. Pretty soon.

 

[psorcerer]

the whole extroversion and introversion thing confuses me, isn't that something you switch on or off with circumstances?

sometimes you wanna be social, lead the way, other times you wanna hole up and do your own thing ...

Not really.
Extroverted people work with reality.
Introverted - with a model of reality inside them.
How social they both are is indeed depends on various things.

 

[psorcerer]

You've got to get match fit before you meet someone and then a relationship can/could improve you. You can't expect any woman to take a guy in the minus world and put in effort just to make him baseline normal. It does not work that way, life isn't an anime.

In US.
In Japan, Korea, etc. anime works pretty well.

 

[Tesseract]

Not really.
Extroverted people work with reality.
Introverted - with a model of reality inside them.
How social they both are is indeed depends on various things.

maybe

intro are usually more deluded, extro lawbreaking and needy

 

[Nymphae]

I think you confuse between "socially marginalized" and "introverted".

OP claims to be shy and introverted, not confident about his looks, likely an extremely online individual. This isn't really attractive to females who would identify as sociable and extroverted.

 

[Pumpkin Seeds]

My researchhas lead me to a lot of fake profiles and fake likes/interest from accounts that don't really exist. I assume they are made by the dating site company to trick people into paying for an account.

 

[psorcerer]

My researchhas lead me to a lot of fake profiles and fake likes/interest from accounts that don't really exist. I assume they are made by the dating site company to trick people into paying for an account.

Yup.

 

[nush]

In an ideal world, I'd love to date an Asian girl, but they seem like slim pickin' where I live. Oh but I'm not supposed to say that. That's "yellow fever".

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

Spend the money on a social activity (biking, gym, motor sports, flying a kite on a windy day, etc) and be patient. Remember that the people (the few real ones, not the bots) on those apps are even lazier than you because they signed up for that site before you did. If you want long term relationship or at leat not-hookup then you are looking in the wrong place.

 

[MaestroMike]

If u wanna be extroverted u gotta exercise and do a good amount of cardio and get ur heart rate up and feel them endorphins its much easier to get in the zone and be extroverted that way while ur pumped and ur heart is beating. But u gotta eat a lot more tho to have the energy and burn it to reach the zone. Get ur dates walking and moving so there hearts start pumping they'll become more extroverted too. Steve jobs did this all the time with people he met

 

[Tesseract]

don't forget to do your kegels

god bless america

 

[nush]

Spend the money on a social activity (biking, gym, motor sports, flying a kite on a windy day, etc) and be patient. Remember that the people (the few real ones, not the bots) on those apps are even lazier than you because they signed up for that site before you did. If you want long term relationship or at leat not-hookup then you are looking in the wrong place.

The days where you could find a serious relationship on a dating app have long long passed.

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

The days where you could find a serious relationship on a dating app have long long passed.

Well it used to be novel, that's one big difference.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

I've never seen an extroverted female & shy/introverted male pairing in my life, I feel like this is overstated myth that opposites attract. Active couples like to be active together, sociable people like to be social together, shy introverts like to stay in together, etc. I'm sure anything is possible but I'm not sure opposites attract applies strongly to personality types that differ in how much they enjoy social activities and being around other people

Introversion isn't necessary shyness. I've met plenty of introverted people who are not shy. They just get exhausted from being "on" during social situations. My mom is that way. She is a great host and can socialize just fine when she needs to. However, she does not go out of her way to find situations where she needs to.

That said, I think shyness comes from a lack of proper socialization. Shy people lack the experience that comes from dealing with social situations, thus are no confident in their ability to function in those situations. Because introverts don't seek out those situations, they tend to be shy due to lack of experience. But it's not 100% the same thing.

The days where you could find a serious relationship on a dating app have long long passed.

I don't think that's true either. I met my wife 4 years ago on Coffee Meets Bagel. Several of my friends have also met their long term significant others on that same program. I just went to a wedding in February of a friend who met his wife on Hinge.

Maybe it's an age thing. We were all in our late 20s when we met our partners. Maybe younger people aren't interested in long term relations. But I don't know

In an ideal world, I'd love to date an Asian girl, but they seem like slim pickin' where I live. Oh but I'm not supposed to say that. That's "yellow fever".

What part of Wisconsin do you live in? My parents live near Eau Claire and say there is a pretty large Hmong population there.

 

[Nymphae]

Introversion isn't necessary shyness. I've met plenty of introverted people who are not shy.

OP said he is shy and introverted.

 

[nush]

What part of Wisconsin do you live in? My parents live near Eau Claire and say there is a pretty large Hmong population there.

Don't suggest the "Wrong" type of Asian to him.